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A little organised crime: >Be me >shopping >suddently feel an insane urge to pee >Am European on vacation in the US. Used to small grocery stores. >Walk around for what feels like hours >find employe >Ask "Can i use costumer bathroom?" >Dumbass employe answers "No sorry, it's only for employes" >mfw >now i not only have to pre, but am about to shit my pants. >my bladder is about to burst >walk over to juice aisle >a group of like, 3 or 4 People >slowly seeps one of my silent but deadlies are there. nothing happens Fuuuuuuck.jpg >A few minutes pass of my standing there like an idiot go by Mfw >suddently the most horrid stench imagineable begins to show it self >smell so bad im about to puke >Lady next to me rushes away, holding her mouth >a few minutes pass. >Aisle is empty Mfw >i start taking a leak when im done, i knock over a few orange juice jugs Mfw so it looks like juice was spilled. V >orange juice and piss dont mix well Walkaway.jpg >sneak into manager office and plug out the survailance cameras >system is using a temporary drive that is deleted everytime it's plugged out. It needs to load it's data off to a harddrive before being turned off >since i plugged it out, the data is gone One week later >I have been living America for a few weeks now >decide to get a job >Aplies at local walmart >Gets an interview while in the managers office i notice police tape Mfw >Harddrive is connected to computer so that All The info from the flashdrive is store on the Harddrive instantly >ask manager about police tape >'some idiot peed all over the floor, and thought that they had erased all data, but Harddrive was Sweaty.jpg >manager tells me that the Harddrive was only minimally damaged, was fixed earlier today Mfw plugged in" V >i got the job >manager tasks me with handing over the Harddrive Yes.jpg >throws harddrive into lake One week later Mfw >manager asks about harddrive >tell manager that the police didnt want to have it >manager tells me that he just got off the phone with sheriff Mfw Imfucked.jpg >police arrives. >asks me a bunch of wierd questions >manager has backup of said harddrive Fuckme.jpg >police watches with me and my boss >gets arrested >cellmate is part of a gang >join gang >raise among the ranks >get released suddently >become more powerful Mfw >i become the Leader of the Hellsangels 2 years later >police begins to make huge crackdown on criminal gangs Mfw drug lord >am >im exposed Fucking José ratted me out >Try to flie the country Mfw >Police stops me at the gate >get arrested Onno.jpg >be executed A little organised crime
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Browsing through amazon and my cringe meter was about to burst.: A Fox's Love (American Kitsune Book 1) Kindle Edition Look inside by Brandon Varnell (Author), Kam Moody (Illustrator), Brant Baker (Editor) exsOve 15 customer reviews Book 1 of 10 in American Kitsune 10 Book Series) See all 3 formats and editions Kindle Edition Paperback E7.66 £2.13 Read with Our Free App 1 Used from £9.07 5 New from £7.66 The story of a boy, a fox, and a whole lot of ecchi... Kevin Swift has the worst luck with women. It's not that he's unattractive or even unpopular. He just can't talk to them. He blames it on all those Shonen love comedies he enjoys watching. Fortunately, or unfortunately-depending on who's asking-Kevin's love life is about to start looking up. Part I of the American Ksune Serics Written by Brandon Varnell Illustrated by Kirsten Moody After saving a fox's life Kevin discovers that he actually rescued a Kitsune, a shape-shifter capable of ow the Author transforming into a beautiful girl who appears to have popped right out of the pages to a Shõnen manga. Her name is Lilian, and she apparently wants to mate with him. Brandon Follow Varnell Between dealing with an overly amorous vixen's zealous attempts at getting into his pants, his inability too talk to girls and school, Kevin is going to have his hands full. Warning: do not expect this to be anything spectacular. It's a romantic comedy filled with fan service, a sexy fox girl, and fourth wall breaks. If that doesn't appeal to you, well, read at your own risk. Browsing through amazon and my cringe meter was about to burst.

Browsing through amazon and my cringe meter was about to burst.

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Thorgun the Barbarian: File: 1359766026693 2 KB, 852x475, Joumeyquestdm.jpg) Anonymous 02/01/13(Fri)19:47 No.22923673 Replies: 22923697 All right /tg/, gather up. I have a story to tell you. And I know you like stories When I'm done, I suggest turning this into general that DM/ cool DM thread Anonymous 02/01/13(Fri)19:48 No.22923697 Reples 22923752 One of my friends decided to run a game. We've been playing RPGs a lot of time together and I've never seen him DMing, so- obviously -I was a bit curious how this might turn out. He always was an all right player, fun to have fun with. Also, he always reminded me of an offspring a bear and a huge dog might possibly have had. You know, in a parallel universe where biology doesn't exactly work like our does. I guess that's not important, though. I was told to prepare myself a character using D&D 3.5. Well, I thought, it could have been worse, it could have been FATAL. Also, all of us know that it is the GM that makes the game, not the system and so on, so instead of complaining I rolled with it/ a character. DM told me that I can do this myself, and that he only wants to see the results; also that I should aim for a tribal feel, that playing casters is discouraged, and that he wouldn't mind a bit of minmaxing. Oh, and I had to make a human 'Well, fine. I thought and made myself a barbarian. At least those damn casters won't steal our spotlight and I can expect manly men doing manly things This, or DM is going to introduce some kind of OP Merlin DMPC. But I kept this thought to myself Anonymous 02/01/13(Fri)19:51 No.22923752 Replies: 2:22923313 222923697 Since I was starting at a low level, I decided not to overblow my history. Adopted son of a local fisherman, mysterious child, blah, blah, blah, dreams about being a warrior but in his tribe your father (biological father) had to back you up if you wanted to become a weaponthane, so he trained himself. Thus the barbarian. I sent this all to DM. Soon I've received a reply "cool. Please, come at four PM Well, I get there a bit late, but there is nobody in except me and him. He smiles, nods, says that the rest will arrive a bit later, and that he wanted to get my character a proper introduction. It was weird, but we 've been total bros for a long, long time so I sat down. He brought some refreshments, offered me a beer, cracked himself one open (l think it was the first clue as to what kind of game we will be playing) and hid behind the DM screen. First, we roleplay through some childhood scenes. Your character faces bullies, your character sees his friend bullied, your character is generally disliked due to air of wrongness he has around himself, your character finds out that the aforemented fisherman is not your real dad, and so on, and so on. Soon I have my character fleshed out - a warrior that tries to hone the rage smothering within him as just another weapon. For some reason DM smiles when I tell him that Anonymous 02/01/13(Fri)19:56 No.22923818 Replies: 2222923940 File: 1359766561553.ipg-(73 KB, 495x730, 1356353744463.jpg) >>22923752 Then, the real quest begins. Thorgun the barbarian leaves his hamlet for hunting, and when he returns he finds the village burning and the corpses charred with dragon fire. It was much cooler when he told that, but that was basically what it boiled down to Thorgun seeks revenge. Also, he was unable to find the corpse of his love among the dead, so hoping that dragon might have kidnapped her, he follows him. Through the forest and through the desert, killing wolves and wild beasts, saving villages from dangers, visiting ancient temple in hope of finding a dragonslaying sword, more than once just barely escaping with his life. Some NPCs turn up, major character arcs ensue, but all the time I wonder 'where the hell are the other players?" As I ask GM about this, he smiles and says that one of them will turn up soon. I expect something creepy to happen but, lo and behold, a guy actually arrives. You have no idea how relieved I felt. Pleasantries ensued, GM cracked himself yet another beer and we returned to game. The new guy just sat there, also smiling (bad sign? Good sign?), playing with some papers he brought with himself Anonymous 02/01/13(Fri)20:03 No.22923940 Replies: 22923954 File: 1359767019561 İpg-(103 KB. 750x600, TG 300.jpg) 2222923818 My barbarian prepares a poisoned sheep to cripple the dragon. I also got myself a huge trunk to use as a club, keeping dragonslaying sword at hand. The plan was simple - either poison him, or- if that won't work- sneak into his cavern and club/ stab him to death DRUIDS It worked, partially. Dragon ate the ship, but instead of falling dead he started vomiting. So, deciding that the cover was already blown I grabbed my tree and run out of bushes screaming like an idiot. I managed to catch him with a trunk hit while he was barfing, so I had a lot of time to follow up with a couple more blows. I've nearly managed to beat him into a pulp, but then he shook it off and faced me, however mangled and sick he was Well, I dodged vomit/breath attack and stabbed him with a magical sword. A few times. The beast fell, and my barbarian started screaming with joy Then, another dragon turned up. And another. And their mother I stare at my GM for a moment in an "are you serious? way. He tells me that dragons roar in unison, that their mother pounces at me Well, fuck encounters with CR too high. I start 'zerking Anonymous 02/01/13(Fri)20:05 No.22923954 Replies: 222924003 File: 1359767105186.ipg-(62 KB, 640x360, 1351708121279 jpg) 222923940 and the dragon is blown aside with POWAHFUL MAGICAL BEAMS Oh great, I thought. DMPC wizaro. But nooo! A huge, glistening beast appears from the sky, throwing one thunder of fiery red death after another at the vile beast. Dragon's body spasms and twitches as the very life is burned out of it. With an ungodly roar, the grey monster that apparently - saved you lands on earth, sporting stinking fumes. I slightly watted Two remaining drakes move back a little, apparently horrified by the death of their mother and the new monster. You have a feeling that it stares at you through its huge, black eyes. Well, I charged it with my trunk. Its huge maw opens roaring even louder and surrounding itself with great vapours. But not before Thorgun rushed it with his mighty club "rollan, rollan "He managed to catch it at a knee-joint, apparently crippling it gravely Anonymous 02/01/13(Fri)20:07 No.22924003 Reples: 22 File 9 KB, 620x437, 123 jpg) 222923954 DM describes the beast collapsing, and I start to wonder whether l just one-shotted an encounter. But then the other guy -I've nearly forgotten about him; also two girls came around in the meantime (and I am sure they were "together). Still, the player speaks, looking as though he is about to burst into laughter any moment now Out of the beasts' remains you see a huge ogre rising. He is clad in a blood-red steel, decorated with imagery of black raven. He gives Thorgun a long stare" - I get ready to yell 1 chargel "and looks aside, at the wyrmlings. He raises his hand, holding a weird wand with it, points it at them and"-he looks at GM, GM nods-"blasts them apart in a matter of few thundering moments I wat. And then I smile The figure comes a few earth-shaking steps closer until all you can see is his armor. Even though his physical supremacy is obvious, he falls to one knee; the earth thunders as he does it. Then, you hear booming, stunningly loud and alien voice. It says 'My lord von Trovalt. Finally I've found you GM hands me a new character sheet. lt reads 'Rogue Trader' on top of it, and is filled with something quite resembling stats of the D&D character I've prepared earlier P2 Anonymous 02/01/13(Fri)20:10 No.22924052 That's some good shit right there Anonymous 02/01/13(Fri)20:11 No.22924061 2>22924003 OP, you have the best DM □ Anonymous 02/01/13(Fri)20:12 No.22924079 Replies:-229241782-229243462-22924580 File (198 KB, 1280x896, 1349559507088.jpg) "Unluckily,I bear grave news. Your father is dead, killed by treacherous poison of forsaken eldar witches. Most of your siblings were blown apart, together with a ship, in a battle that ensued a few moments after your father's demise. Now you, as the eldest of von Trovalts are the righteous bearer of the Warrant of Trade. I feel obliged to Then Thorgun did exactly what he would have done to any other, scary monster speaking incomprehensible things. He slapped it with a tree Thus begun the great, galactic journey of Thorgun von Trovalt, another in a long line of great and honoured Rogue Traders Oh! And I kept my sword Thorgun the Barbarian
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