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Being Alone, Bitch, and Books: 42,121 shouldnt.you-be.in.the-kitchen thatawkwardasian chimmychangaroo some kid at school today forgot the word pepperoni so he called them meat sprinkles Source: chimmychangaroo shouldnt-you be.in-the-kitchen thatawkwardasian 6,341 g-wretch I just remembered that one time I was high and referred to Hamlet as "The Fresh Prince of Denmark Source: g-wretch danglingthpider yayimontheinternet 203,319 dickdickdickdickdickdickdickdick: mrcraabs imagine if you could screenshot real life camera that thing you're talking about is a camera Source: mrcraabs wherehavemysocksgone comesingoodtime 37,984 mychemicalromanceboner Last night I forgot what milk was called so I called it Cereal water CEREAL WATER Source: iwasateenagewho captainrat twigtea 113,464 chuckle-voodoos aranyeha there should be feelings hookers like you hire one to come to your house and they sit there for an hour and listen to you cry about your life then afterwards you pay them 100 bucks and you never see each other again how perfect would that be that's a therapist that's the thing you just described Source: rosekan steampoweredmusic youjustblinkedandaweepingangel 13,417 belle-ofthe-boulevard today i forgot the name for cauliflower so i called it albino broccoli Source: belle-ofthe-boulev hulksmashmouth 101,851 21st-century-son-ofa-bitch iphysianthe my mom's argument against piracy is "well what if you wrote a book and one person bought it and then hundreds of people got to read it for free and you didn't make any money!" MOTHER YOU HAVE JUST DESCRIBED LIBRARIES Source: fillette-revolutionn #queue wouldn't like me when I'm angry 123,219 Llike.your.booty iwasso-alone-iowe.you.so-much beellette: dad just said "there should be a netflix for books" five minutes later he shouted "THE LIBRARY Source: ghoulium caraknightley slett 3,159 tupacabra rabioheab: imagine if worms had legs centipedes Source: rabioheab -moriarty joeshmo shavingryansprivates: romeo romeo where the fuck is you, romeo Fuck you, the original line in Romeo and Juliet is "Wherefore art thou" And maybe if you stopped being an assumption-making bag of fucking asshole, you'd know that wherefore does NOT FUCKING MEAN "WHERE", WHEREFORE MEANS "WHY SHE'S ASKING WHY HIS NAME IS ROMEO. FUCK ALL OF YOU FUCK ALL OF YOU HARD UP THE TOENAIL. I TAKE MY SHAKESPEARE SERIOUSLY AS TITS. romeo romeo why the fuck is you romeo More like this at FUNSubstance.com About the library piracy thing: Libraries pay the author to stock the books, just like bookstores.
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Beautiful, Bored, and Head: Here's a prime example of "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus" offered by an English professor from the University of Phoenix: The professor told his class one day: Today we will ex- periment with a new form called the tandem story The process is simple. Each person will pair off with the person sitting to his or her immediate right. As home- work tonight, one of you will write the first paragraph of a short story. You will e-mail your partner that para- graph and send another copy to me. The partner will read the first paragraph and then add another para- graph to the story and send it back, also sending an- other copy to me. The first person will then add a third paragraph, and so on back-and-forth. Remember to re-read what has been written each time in order to keep the story coherent. There is to be ab- solutely NO talking outside of the e-mails and any- thing you wish to say must be written in the e-mail. The story is over when both agree a con- clusion has been reached." The following was actually turned in by two of his English students: Rebecca and Gary THE STORY: (first paragraph by Rebecca) At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The chamomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he liked chamomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about him too much her asthma started acting up again. So chamomile was out of the second paragraph by Gary) Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about than the neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago. "A.S. Harris to Geostation 17," he said into his transgalactic communicator. " Polar orbit established. No sign of resistance so far..." But before he could sign off a bluish particle beam flashed out of nowhere and blasted a hole through his ship's cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out of his seat and across the ####pit. (Rebecca) He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but not before he felt one last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman who had ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its pointless hostilities towards the peace ful farmers of Skylon 4. "Congress Passes Law Per- manently Abolishing War and Space Travel," Laurie read in her newspaper one morning. The news si- multaneously excited her and bored her. She stared out the window, dreaming of her youth, when the days had passed unhurriedly and care- free, with no newspaper to read, no television to distract her from her sense of innocent wonder at all the beautiful things around her. "Why must one lose one's innocence to become a woman?" she pondered wistfully Gary) Little did she know, but she had less than 10 sec- onds to live. Thousands of miles above the city, the Anu'udrian mothership launched the first of its lithium fusion missiles. The dimwitted wimpy peaceniks who pushed the Unilateral Aerospace disarmament Treaty through the congress had left Earth a defenseless target for the hostile alien em- pires who were determined to destroy the human race. Within two hours after the passage of the treaty the Anu'udrian ships were on course for Earth, carrying enough firepower to pulverize the With no one to stop them, they swiftly initiated their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile en- tered the atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in his top-secret mobile submarine headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt the inconceivably massive explosion, which vaporized poor, stupid Laurie. (Rebecca) This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My writing partner is a violent, chauvin- istic semi-literate adolescent. Gary) Yeah? Well, my writing partner is a self-centered tedious neurotic whose attempts at writing are the literary equivalent of Valium. Oh, shall I have chamomile tea? Or shall I have some other sort of F-KING TEA??? Oh no, what am I to do? I'm such an air headed bimbo who reads too many Danielle Steele novels!" Gary) B*tch. (Rebecca) F K YOU-YOU NEANDERTHALI In your dreams, Ho. Go drink some tea. A+ Ireally liked this one. epicjohndoe: A Very Good Example Of ‘Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus’
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Butt, Friday, and Girls: Good morning gorgeous Mornin ( So I'm writing this book I've been working on it for a while, but I'm just stuck and have been for ages It's called "girls l'll disappoint in my 20's." wanna be in a chapter? Today 10:59 AM Do I get my own chapter? Oh for sure, I've gotta go over everything I could've done differently to make sure thatl don't fuck it up next time 'round Sounds like a lot of work Nah, after disappointing so many times it comes naturally Something you're quite proud of lol What'll be the name of my chapter? Or is that something you name afterwards? Today 12:54 PM Megan all the wrong choices How's that Disappointing You're doing well I can only go up from here My plan is working perfectly Oh? I'm just imagining you sitting there rubbing your hands together like an evil villain lol Oh yeah that's exactly what is happening here. Got my master plan right on track Next step is to make an awful first date and me dress up. n shist is about as nice Nah we're gonna find a nice bridge, cra open a carton of eggs and have some hobo chili Lmfao That sounds interesting Do the eggs go in the chili or do I get to throw them? Nah we throw them at each other, and let our body heat cook them. Just like how they did in the old days SWEET After that we can go to the local fountain and swim for a bit before qetting dessert Today 4:24 PM Can we get beignets? Today 4:42 PM Fine but you're paying Gonna be the worst date ever Ok so long as you're cooking the hobo chili K but in gonna burn it Fair warning When is this date? And there are gonna be a few hairs in it Extra flavor Oh god When are you free? I've got a butt load of work till Friday afternoon : I'm free Friday That works for me Cool Here's my number T Hobo chili
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Birthday, Comfortable, and Confidence: reddit-tales What has been your worst "nice guy" experience? So, possibly one of the coolest things I've ever seen. I mean you know how you hear the "women want him, men want to *be* him" stuff in old movies? Well I'm a man and by *god* I wanted to be this guy. Anyway! I'm having dinner with my girlfriend at the time, and behind us are a couple on a not going well. Guy was being I rather inappropriate comments, the girl doesn't look at all comfortable. The girl finishes her appetiser really quickly my guess is she wanted to get it over with. Guy proceeds to comment on it and says "well, least I know you can swallow right?" Loudly Girl goes red and tells him that isn't appropriate, he literally waves his hand in a "shoo" type motion and says "oh calm down I was going to find out in a few hours anyway" I missed her exact re as she moved to a hushed tone, but it was fairly obvious what was being said-fuck no, fuck off, fuck this. He responded with "sweetheart I picked lost the colour in her face and said nothing. No. No. Fuck no. I'm one of those "get involved" type of people and there is no way I'm sitting here watching this go down. I get up. I don't know what I'm going to do, but I'm 23, fighting fit and happy to put that motherfucker through a wall. I may have had a slight temper in my youth. But anyway. I was halfway out of my chair when a hand came down on my shoulder and I look up to this mid-50s but super fit guy who says "Easy. I've got this one son". Absolute, total confidence in his voice.. so seeing as my current plan amounted to "stab him in the neck" and I'm already thinking maybe that's not the best idea, I sit down. He walks over, grabs a nearby chair, flips it around and sits down with the couple. Then.. he pulls out his police ID and puts it on the table. Now the guy doesn't have any colour in his face Cop: "So, I'm quietly celebrating my daughters birthday with my family when I distinctly hear you threaten this young lady, would you care to explain yourself?" Guy: "I, ah, well, um, you see. Cop: "That's what I thought. Now see, we take a *very* dim view of that kind of thing, so right now I'm deciding if I want to have some of my buddies come pick you up" Guy: "oh no well that..." Cop: "But that would disrupt everyone's dinner, so how about you hand me your ID, me, the dn't want yhe staff here and settle your bill., the full bill now, this young lady shouldn't go hungry on account of your poor behaviour. Or we can go with the first option, I'll leave it up to you. Guy: "No no! That's perfectly fine!" 1*hands over ID, gets up and walks very quickly in the direction of the counter Cop: while writing down the guys details 1* "Sorry about that miss, I hope I'm not intruding it just seemed like you could use some help. Oh and don't worry, if you want to pursue this further I'll have some of the boys pick him up on his way home, we can definitely take this further. Girl: "No, thank you so much, I wanted to run out 30 minutes ago but he drove me here". Cop: *shifts from hardarse cop to comforting father figure in about half a second* "Well I'm here with my daughter, she's about your age, perhaps you'd like to finish your meal with us? We can run you home afterwards if you'd like, unless you'd prefer to call someone else?" Girl: "Oh.. that would be really nice.. thankyou so much! *guy returns, so does the hardarse cop* Guy: "Uh so, I've paid the bill, if I could have back.". my Cop: "There you go. now I have your details right here so I *highly* recommend you don't go near or contact this young lady ever again. Guy: "Yes yes of course, I'm so sorry!" The quy pretty much fled the restaurant, the qirl went and sat with the cop and his family and by the time we left they were still sitting around talking and laughing about random crap. It was hands down the best way I have ever seen anybody handle any situation, ever. That cop is my hero. malicemanaged Dude. I hope that man has a great rest of his life. Wholesome cop via /r/wholesomememes https://ift.tt/2SkCLRT
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80s, Adam Driver, and Adam Sandler: NO ONE WILL WATCH THIS No ONE WANTS7 /S UL JUL CARES FOA THIS its-bewitched: trilllizard666: keyhollow:Story matters more than sex, please always remember that. what’s funniest about this comic, I think, is the wildly inconsistent success or complete lack of in the properties and the vast, wild differences between how they were received in the run up to the premier of them as artistic/entertainment propertiesFiegbusters/Ghostbusters 2016 had a PR run that was mostly defined by a weird antagonism where they said detractors are just manbaby basement dwellers that hate women, along with pretty badly done trailers that people compared to Pixels. Remember Pixels? That awful Adam Sandler REMEMBER THE 80S vehicle/scam? That said, unlike Pixels, this Ghostbusters failed to make money. It flopped. It flopped terribly. So Strawman McGee was actually right, Nobody DID Watch This, besides weirdoes that used Holtzmann reaction gifs for a month and kept saying how gay they were for two of the lady Ghostbusters.Star Wars: The Force Awakens was a huge runaway box office success with people excited to see it, even though a lot of people were critical of Rey and how boring she was as a character, in comparison to Finn and Poe, who had a lot more interesting going on with their characters, respectively, and people were excited to see The Last Jedi. Then came the sequel. It was…still a financial box office success, but it was extremely divisive among Star Wars fans and any group of critics that aren’t deeply entrenched “establishment” film critics. And there’s rumors abound it wasn’t quite AS much a box office success as Disney would like, which along with Solo flopping, seems to have resulted in Disney pulling back their Star Wars output a little tiny bit. Possibly.Literally all the reasons that people were apprehensive about Wonder Woman pre-release were all reasons unrelated to her being a woman. She’s one of the most important DC superheroes, a founding member of almost all incarnations of the Justice League, and Frank Miller himself has called part of The Trinity of DC, along with Superman and Batman. People were apprehensive of a Wonder Woman film because almost all the previous attempts to bring Wonder Woman to film or TV have been some sort of disaster, from the Joss Whedon script that leaked that everyone took the absolute piss out of (which had a seriously troubled production that led to the Wonder Woman film we eventually got), to the horrible pilot that makes Wonder Woman into a bizarrely inconsistent crazed murderer. People were apprehensive of a Wonder Woman film because it was part of the badly executed DCEU, with the previous films before this including BvS and Suicide Squad, which were critically SAVAGED. People were looking at a Wonder Woman and dreading it cause they were like “oh god not another one of these fucking awful films”. and then Justice League afterwards was total dogshit. and yeah, there was a bit of controversy about Gal Gadot, but that’s from a mixture of people not being sure she could actually act well enough because she was mostly a model and was in a Fast and Furious film before this, and because she is a proud IDF member, which is kinda controversial because of all the baggage that comes with what the Israeli military frequently does in terms of war crimes. (granted, she was only ever in a non combat role when she served in the military, but come on, this website gave Adam Driver shit for joining the USMC and not doing anything combat related before he got a medical discharge cause he broke his collarbone lmao). it had nothing to do with being a woman.Literally nobody cares about She-Ra except for weirdoes into it, like the beanmouth manchildren animation adherents or the people that uniroically think SJWs are killing everything, and it’s a cheaply made Netflix show. You’d have to almost try on purpose to not make any money from a Netflix show with a low/modest budget. Also I know a few families with young girls and young boys and nobody I know seems to remotely give a shit about the reboot She-Ra. It’s all weird teenagers, shippers, and the type of people that send death threats for people drawing boobs while beating meat to the catgirl in it getting with the main character.Captain Marvel is a box office success and reviewing decently well, but even the critics that like it are leveling criticisms towards how badly shot and done some of the fight scenes and long shots are, and a popular sentient is a lot of the fights have it so that it’s almost impossible to tell what’s happening, which isn’t a criticism unique to Captain Marvel. However, most people that were unthrilled about Captain Marvel before launch…Thought the trailer looked boring (gosh, that’s familiar), or were people raising an eyebrow at how the film’s basically Air Force propaganda. And it’s probably worth saying here, Captain Marvel, or Carol Danvers just isn’t that popular a character and isn’t popular in comics at all. Marvel flagrantly kept trying to astroturf her into an A lister position after they realized they had (at the time), sold off the film rights to a majority of the popular female characters. Most all their popular heroes and anti-heroes and villains that were female are in the X-Men, which was owned by Fox, or in other films in other studios. Cue the pre-Disney buyout reboot of her. Which flopped as a solo title, by the way. Notice how almost all the stuff with Ms Marvel/Danvers Captain Marvel that does well has her as a MEMBER or a side character. She’s a C-level character that came into existence, pre-retcon, because a superpowered Kree’s DNA got mixed with hers in an explosion. She was an emergency replacement, out of universe because of the Captain Marvel DC/Marvel clusterfuck and lawsuits. She’s less a character, and more a device. And this also easily fits under the “needlessly, weirdly antagonistic PR umbrella”nobody that can string together more than a comprehensible sentence does not dislike this things cause there’s women in it, trust me lmao The issue with captain marvel is RT deleting up to 50k reviews from fans that dislike the film. The headlines are “Brie Larson defeats internet trolls!” Calling fans trolls sure does a lot to discourage them from getting into a movie.
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Facebook, Friends, and Hello: What to do if you are witnessing ISlamophobIC A bystander's guide to help the persor harassment n who's being targeted Engage conversation. Go to them, sit beside them and say hello. Try to appear calm, collected and welcoming IGNORE THE ATTACKER Pick a random subject and start discussing it. It can be anything: a movie you liked, the weather, saying you like something they wear and asking where they got it.. THE WEATHER LATELYIS S0 İGNO RED Hl HOW ARE YOU? MY SISTER TOLD ME ABOUT THIS MOVIE Keep building the safe space. Keep eye contact with them and don't acknowledge the attacker's presence : the absence of response from you two wil push them to leave the area shortly Continue the conversation until the attacker leaves & escort them to a safe place if necessary. Bring them to a neutral area where they can recollect themselves; respect their wishes if they tell you they're ok and just want to go 2 This guide was written & illustrated by Maeril | @itsmaeril Translated in English for The Middle Eastern Feminist cognitiveinequality: maeril: Hi everyone! This is an illustrated guide I made as part of my co-admining work at The Middle Eastern Feminist on Facebook! It will be published there shortly. The technique that is displayed here is a genuine one used in psychology - I forgot the name and couldn’t find it again so if you know about it, feel free to tell me!Some could say: “Yes but you can use that technique for instances of harassment other than Islamophobic attacks!”, and my reply is: Sure! Please do so, it also works for other “types” of harassment of a lone person in a public space!! However I’m focusing on protecting Muslims here, as they have been very specific targets lately, and as a French Middle Eastern woman, I wanted to try and do something to raise awareness on how to help when such things happen before our eyes - that way one cannot say they “didn’t know what to do”! I’d like to insist on two things: 1) Do not, in any way, interact with the attacker. You must absolutely ignore them and focus entirely on the person being attacked! 2) Please make sure to always respect the wishes of the person you’re helping: whether they want you to leave quickly afterwards, or not! If you’re in a hurry escort them to a place where someone else can take over - call one of their friends, or one of yours, of if they want to, the police. It all depends on how they feel! For my fellow French-speakers: I will translate it in French and post it on my page as soon as I can :)Please don’t hesitate to share this guide as it could push a lot of people to overcome bystander syndrome!!Lots of love and stay safe! PS: I you repost this cartoon of mine on twitter or instagram, please add me in the post so I can see it, with @itsmaeril :) An important reminder today, and every day.

cognitiveinequality: maeril: Hi everyone! This is an illustrated guide I made as part of my co-admining work at The Middle Eastern Feminist ...

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