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A Dream, Christmas, and Instagram: cacen so at the bar in which I work, there's an unofficial rule that all of our door staff must have names that start with D or rhyme with 'doorman', which has led to me be- friending a trio of six foot four men with beards called Doorman Logan, Doorman Drew, and Doorman Dan now, let me tell you now that Doorman Dan is the abso- lute love of my life. I don't care that he's a decade older than me and has a fiance. you know when someone is so extraordinary or impossible to define that they're simply referred to as 'a character? that's Doorman Dan. now, before I get into his personality, let's describe his appearance. imagine the most stereotypical Scand inavian person ever: tall, white-blond, strong-jawed. now, add a heavy South Walian accent and an orange jumper. that's Doorman Dan. since meeting him last year, I've discovered .he once had a dream that he had a tattoo that said 'shit happens' on his left arsecheek, so when he woke up he decided he had to fulfil the prophecy and got it tattooed on his arse by a bloke called Junkie Jeff at 9AM .he forgot to call his girlfriend for three months while he was in the army, and was complet unaware they had broken up until he wishe happy Christmas and she responded with what the fuck Dan .accidentally married his army buddy in Vegas for thirty-six hours .he saw someone beating up a guy for being gay, and instead of jumping in and fighting back he decided to get absolutely bollock-naked and stand in front of the homophobe until he got freaked out and ran off .he has a millionare buddy who rings him up once a month for 'mystery adventures', one of which has resulted in Doorman Dan no longer being allowed inside any John Lewis shops .he is convinced the love of his life is not his fiancee, but a man named Ned. upon being asked who Ned is, he shrugged and responded with: "TII know when I meet him. .he runs an Instagram account dedicated to his pet rabbits and refuses to let people into the bar unless they follow him his fiancee booked a wedding venue before he even proposed. "I don't even know if I'm invited, truth be told." when he caught a couple having sex in our loos, he didn't want to intrude so he just gently knocked on the door and asked if they'd like a snack . .he has created his own non-alcoholic cocktail called Doorman's Sunrise because he feels left out being the only person on the dance floor without a drink when he's patrolling the bar I could honestly write a ten-season sitcom about him cacen BIG OL UPDATE: HE GOT MARRIED LAST WEEK!!!! zohbugg I need 10 seasons and a movie about the life of Doorman Dan thecheshirecass I look forward to reading more about the loving, polyamorous relationship he and his wife develop with Ned when they finally meet. fuckveahdiomedes What's the instagram for the rabbits, op? Source: cacen 114,993 notes The adventures of doorman dan
Bitch, Children, and Fashion: backstory My ex-wife hid my daughter from me for nearly 2 years. Yesterday, after 696 days of separati, took the best photo I ever could. (imgur.com) submitted 9 hours ago by whatsaD4 x5 4129 comments share save hide give gold report crosspost 101k notcisjustwoman: Today on reddit, one of the top posts, with over 101,000 upvotes, is a picture of a man who leveraged the legal system to force a mother to allow him to see a young girl, after she managed to hide the child from him for almost 2 years.In typical reddit fashion, the dudes over there are eating it up, talking about how “biased” the court system is against men and circle jerking about all the horrible women they supposedly know who purposely keep children away from perfectly innocent men, despite the fact that the vast majority of women in the world will go out of their way to include the man who fathered their children in the children’s lives unless he is completely abusive and dysfunctional (and sometimes even then.)And, surprise! If you scroll far enough down in the thread, you’ll discover that the man is a drug addict and alcoholic who killed his brother in law! No wonder the mother didn’t want him around her child!Reminder that men seek custody of children only as a way of harming mothers and children and you should never, ever trust a man who tries to remain in a child’s life against the wishes of the mother. “Reminder that men seek custody of children only as a way of harming mothers and children and you should never, ever trust a man who tries to remain in a child’s life against the wishes of the mother.”Bitch what the FUCK?