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9/11, America, and Children: The Turkey Story So it's 2001, and my family drives from fu California and like three blizzards to get to Ohio for into a nursing home and it's their last holiday in that house. So its a bit bittersweet but ultimately a good thing. Since it's their last holiday there, the family pulls out all the stops when it comes to dinner, all the Russian desserts come out, as does the Lethal Bacon Mashed Potatoes and the horrible candied yams with the mini marshmallows dish because not all expressions of love are even if they are si In the spirit of going alout, Uncle Bobby smokes a Turkey Uncle Bobby started cooking as a boy foil-wrapped potatoes into a campfire and has been ad- dicted since, and now has a hand-made smokehouse in the backyard where he makes various cured meats and other delights. He seasons the turkey in the traditional manner, but he and grandpa have a shared passion for SO Game Hen seasoned that way, for them. Then Bobby has a Brilliant Idea. He realizes that he can stuff the turkey (once it has been smoked) with regular stuffing, and there is still plenty of room for him to put the game hen inside THAT, and stuff the game hen be- cuase why not? He confers with Mom, and she explains how to cut open the turkey so there's dramatic reveal as the stuffing and game hen come out. It's Genius. Except, of course, that my Aunt Sue is attending, Uncle Cliff s after her So the day of the dinner, tensions are running a bit high, between the marathon cooking, the kids al being trapped indoors due to aforementioned blizzards, and Uncle Cliff deciding that the best way to amuse himself is by hiding from the adults in the basement, getting drunk and rambling about how various ethic groups were destroying America. Being that I had close Muslim friends that were leaving the country becuase of 9/11, 1 was near tears from this nonsense and ready to n roughly five times my size. Sue, for some reason, keeps coming down and defending him, or telling us we're rotten children for 'attacking him, becuase she Must Stand By Her Man, even if her man is a hefty bag of dog feces with an ugly mustache My sister eventually boits upstairs to tattle and my grandfather limps down to the basement and brandishes his Hip Bone Cane, hands rock-steady in spite of the Parkinson's slowly taking over him. Firstly Cliff, It may not be my roof much longer but while you are under it you will be civil, or Ill beat your skull in. Also, dinner's ready, everyone go wash up. We go upstairs and sit down, and do the traditional "Name one thing you're thankful for as the bread gets passed around the table, and things calm down a bit. Bobby brings out the Turkey and everyone goes OOH becuase it's really pretty, them Mom carves it open so that the stuffing spills out dramatically along with the game hen and there's an appreciative gasp all around becuase it looks cool. Only Sue KEEPS gasping, in utter horror, before getting up and clasping her hands to her face ala Edvard Munch and shrieks OH MY GOD IT WAS PREGNANTI We all stare at Sue. We all look back at the fully-dressed-cooked-and-stuffed birds that in no way had any internal organs in them or ever gave live birth Then we all looked back at Sue, trying to figure out where to begin but since shed been trying to justify Cliffs behavior she was pretty much free-associating conspiracies and scandals now, and just kept going. IT WAS PREGNANT MY GOD WE'VE COMMITTED AN ABORTION WE'RE ALL GOING TO HELL FOR THIS, I'M SO SORRY JESUS She goes into full pearl-clutching gibbering horror at this point and falls back into her chair like it's a Victorian fainting couch only it's a shitty chair from the Eisenhower administration so it collapses and she slams into the floor, sobbing and kicking her feet like a toddler Everyone watched for a moment before my Mom sighs heavily and starts carving and serving the turkey while my grandmother mouths she's not coming back Cliff, reactions delayed by about six beers, finally notices his wife is on the floor and tries to pick her up, are assisted by Dad, who is saintly patient man and less immune to this jacknapery at that point. I am stuffing dinner rolls into my face to keep from laughing at this grand spectacle ICANT EAT IT, I REFUSE TO PARTAKE IN THIS BARBARISM Sue begins but Dad puts on his best Kindly Father voice (he was heavily involved with the catholic church and even considered becoming a priest before getting drafted but that's another story)and assures Sue that she need not eat, or even be in the room if she wants. She nods, placated by being the center of attention again, and Dad goes in for the kill. I wouldn't want you to go hungry. Can I make you some That would be lovely." Said Sue, joke flying over her ng 747. I recall watching my grandmot her nearly choke to death on the green beans over that, and everyone pointedly trying to avoid talking about anything poultry-related while Sue sat there and ate the most ironic scrambled eggs in the history of mankind. Shortly thereafter, Cliff threw up in the sink and they went home, and the party got underway properly, with Grandpa raising a toast to Mom and Uncle Bobby For t Turkey has been an staple since then. I'll see if I can hit Uncle Bobby up for instructions but if you decide to make it 1. you HAVE to shriek "OH MY GOD IT WAS PREGNANT when you carve it open, or it's not authentic and won't taste as good 2. Share the pictures with me, Very planned Parenthood
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Clothes, Comfortable, and Crying: professorpineapple you're an art model does that mean you're NAKED? yeah whoa....those lucky artists:)" .buddy professorpineapple idk who started the idea that life drawing classes have anything sexy going on like there's at least ten people in the room and we're all tired and covered in charcoal the dude in front who's staring at my boobs has been trying to get the shading right for 10 minutes. he's almost out of paint. he is crying askfordoodles burg branch-and-root The ice burg being frozen solid because there are NEVER ENOUGH SPACE HEATERS angryfishtrap I was an artist's model in uni since it paid better than any other student work position. Did a life drawing class one semester despite it being an unheated old building in the winter evenings, because the instructor was a decent fellow who always had extra space heaters. So there I am one evening, exhausted from my team's afternoon practice but I'm in a comfortable position on a padded stool, ready to hold the position for like fifteen minutes. Space heaters all around me spotlights on me to get shadows in interesting places. Beyond the red glow of the heaters and the hot-white of the spotlights, the massive drafty room is dark and quiet, broken only by the instructor's whispers and the scratch of charcoal on paper. Me, I'm just dozing, cause my ancient dorm was heated with creaky old steampipes that never really got warm, and with the new extra-powered space heater alongside the others, that night was the warmest l'd been in a month. I dozed, basking in the glorious warmth. And then I fell asleep. And then I fell off the stool. I woke up rather abruptly on the cold wooden platform, and looked up to see an entire ring of terrified and worried faces around me Everyone had their hands up, ready to help me up, except no one had touched me. Naked chick laid out face-down on the floor, and all the men and women were suddenly acutely aware they couldn't just grab a half-asleep dazed naked chick. Fortunately someone had the bright idea to tear the sheet down from the backdrop, lay it over me as a wrap, and then everyone was quick to help me up. After that, the instructor and students got used to taking turns talking to me, just to make sure I wasn't dozing off. Which was weird, at first, because l'd done two semesters just being a silent prop, and now I was interacting. It gave the class a vibe completely unlike any other I'd modeled for and it ended up one of my favorite modeling experiences. postscript: months later, walking on campus with someone who'd eventually become my spouse, we passed some guys on the main path. One of them stopped, peered at me and then said hello, excitedly, saying, "sorry, I didn't recognize you, I've never seen you with your clothes on! whitebear-ofthe-watertribe This is honestly so delightful and accurate thenightingalelily The only situation where saying "T've never seen you with your clothes on" is a completely normal thing to say Source: professorpineapple Art modelling
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Energy, Family, and Friends: THE WORLD WARRIORS THE WORLD WARRIORS Date of Birth: 7-21-1964 Height: Weight: Blood Type: Nationality: 5'10" 150 lbs Dragon Punch Ryu can call forth the power of the Dragon Using the ancient word, "SHO-RYU-KEN" and channel it through his uppercut. As he leaps into the air, Ryu and the power of his Dragon Punch are unmatched. in one Japanese A student of Shotokan school of karate, Ryu has developed into a pure warrior. He has devoted his entire life to the per fection of his fighting skills and has forsaken everything else in his life. Ryu has no home, no friends and no family Instead, he wanders the globe seeking to test his skills agains other fighters. Make sure you press the punch button as you reach the end of the D-Button motion. Using the control pad, press continuous motion and press any punch button. Hurricane Kick As he spins into the air, Ryu can summon the power of a Using the hurricane's strength to lift and accelerate his spin Ryu can now even execute the hurricane kick while in mid- air. hurricane by saying TATSU-MAKI-SEN-PU-KYAKU". Probably the strongest all around fighter, Ryu claim ite of grand champion after his narrow defeat of Sagch. Cool and calculating, Ryu is very seeking to maximize his abilities, Ryu has im ed the . Always atter his narrow defeat of Sa Using the control pad pressin one continuous patient in combat motion and press any kick button. Make sure you press the kick proved the l and uses it to pound his opponents into a corner buton as you reach the end of the D-Button motion. SPECIAL MOVES Fireball By summoning all of his will and channeling it through his hand To do the Hurricane Kick in mid-air, jump into the air and then quickly do the move as described above s, Ryu can create an energy wave or "HA-DO-KEN". This blue, glow ing ball of energy speeds towards any opponent and delivers quite an impact Using the control pad, press in one continuous motion and press any punch button. Make sure you press the punch bulton as you reach the end of the D-Button motion. 19 18 Gaming manuals should make a comeback. It was always fun flipping through them

Gaming manuals should make a comeback. It was always fun flipping through them

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Driving, Friends, and Prince: R A V E N S A large ablack passerine bird. Found across the North ern Hemisphere, it is the most widely distributed of l cor vids. There are at least eight subspecies with little varia tion in appearance, although recent research has demon- strated significant genetic dif ferences among populations from variousregions. a Welsh prince who had fought against nglish for Welsh freedom, and then dis- peared when his capture seemed inevi able. He is a driving force behind most of the characters in The Raven Cycle, each of them having different reasons for seeking him. His symbo is the raven, and he was commonly known as the raven king 15- IAGLIONBY gliony Aadem boys school locate nHeprietta, rginia. Thot is ich has fgiven rise to the moniker "raven boys for the students. On or make a Aen out of papier-maché or other craf swoop the colossal flo . . e a ns air, III. CHAINSAW Chainsaw is Ronan Lynch's pet raven. It is revealed at the end of The Raven Boys that Ronan brought back the baby bird from his dreams. Through- out the series, Chainsaw is often described as occupying Ronan's shoul- der and she is known to perch on the arms onan's friends brekkerskaz: @ravencyclenetwork search: objects, symbols, or motifs↳ ravens Noah’d had this dream about ravens fighting and battling. He said they were all different colours and sizes and shapes, and he was inside them, and they were, like, swirling around him. So they’re swooping and careening and there’s nothing but ravens, nothing but dreams all around you.

brekkerskaz: @ravencyclenetwork search: objects, symbols, or motifs↳ ravens Noah’d had this dream about ravens fighting and battling. He sai...

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7-Eleven, A Dream, and Basketball: leaveittotegan: lumnie: chemisquid: dippersballoon: I saw an opportunity and I took it This is what they mean when they say life flashes before your eyes as you die For those wondering, the song is ”Mr. Blue Sky” by ELO. Perhaps someone beat me to it, but here are ALL of the featured vines, in order of appearance: I won’t hesitate bitch Hi my name is Tre and I have a basketball game tomorrow Whaddup, I’m Jared I’m 19 and I never fucking learned how 2 read Kermit the Frog jumps off building Fr e sh a voca do back at it again at Krispy Kreme There is only one thing worse than a rapist Club Jam (yes a really good book) At least the taco was free I am the Sand Guardian, guardian of the sand Grandma loves ping pong too much If your name is Junior Welcome to Target I’m just cooking pizza Cole Sprouse dress-up game On all levels except physical, I am a Wolf Kid hits ceiling of gym with rope (breaking free) Kid smacked by fly swatter Fuck it up Kenneth (my boy going to school) Um I’m not finished (Tyler the Creator) WE’RE BREAKING FREE SAIL I’m Squidward So I’m sitting there, barbecue sauce on my tiddies So no head? (breaking skateboard) Actually, Megan (I can’t sit anywhere) No off topic questions (Chris Christie) What the fuck, Richard Drop it like it’s hot (its just luke) Bored as shiiiiii Liberian accent (plasma globe) New haircut (Parker Kit Hill) Summertime sadness (chicken) More like hurricane TORTILLA I got an a-bor-tion All Around the World (TheJasminator) When there’s a cutie next to you at a red light Snake licks lollipop Accept yourself, love yourself Be whatever you wanna be Don’t touch Zac’s music (LENARR) Whoever threw that paper, your mom’s a ho Can I please get a waffle? Turn off the flash you fucking moron (Star Wars) Ebony Jenkins (shut up!) Kevin, watch the light dude Horse meditation A girl a dream a clothing hanger Is that a weed? (911 microwave) Helium balloons (floating car) Fireplace fairy I’m your freestyle dance teacher I can’t believe you’ve done this Which way the Quiznos is Impossible paper toss shot Hemtube (dancing with cat) I nurture my skin (Shaq) Why are you running Happy birthday? Thicker than a bowl of oatmeal (courtroom) Farkle falling Fuck you (soda machine) Squash banana (the branch I was holding broke) Take On Me And now my sock is wet (water gun) All I ever wanted was some motherfuckin guala When there’s too much drama at school Two bros chillin in the Hot Tub What’s your name? (ouija board) Chillary Clinton (chillin in Cedar Rapids) Guy drops slurpee (7-Eleven) Girl scared of convertible car Guy who is self-conscious about his lisp (Rice Krispies Treats) Would you like the spider on your hand? Shopping cart crash We actually have the chip reader now I’M A GIRAFFE Dinner with Zayn Malik (Chihuahua eating spaghetti) I HOPE IT’S HELPFUL TO SOMEONE! Peace ( ͡~ ͜ʖ ͡°) this gave me such a warm feeling i legit teared up no joke
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Being Alone, Children, and Dating: Logan Trent @TheLoganTrent Follow Millennials are killing the golf industry Business Insider Millennials are obsessed with the style of life'- and it's killing retailers Millennials are killing the movie business I New York Post Millennials are Killing the Golf Industry - the BLITZ agency blog Will The Millennial Generation Kill Home Depot? - Forbes Millennials are killing relationships and we should be concerned Take Two | Are millennials killing the running trend? Maybe. | 89.3 KPCC Are Millennials Killing Wine? An exposé. | Quench Magazine "Promiscuous" Millennials Are Killing McDonald's: Gothamist How Millennials Lack Of Manners Is Killing Class Unwritten Millennials Are Killing Off Paper Napkins | Mclntyre in the Morning Are Millennials Killing The Car Industry? | DrivingSales News Here's HoW Millennials Have Killed Crowfunding | Bossip Are Millennials Killing Credit? Top Rated High Risk Merchant RETWEETS LIKES 130 102 2:14 PM 23 Aug 2016 130102 cornerof5thandvermouth: haiku-robot: tardis-in-a-moonbeam: zooophagous: ralfmaximus: princeloki: f1rstperson: Glad to see my lifelong disinterest in golf is paying off let me tell you about golf i grew up in a little desert valley called Tucson, Arizona, where it only rains 2 inches a year on average. the majority of the city’s water is pumped from an underground aquifer, which took millions of years to fill. one of the biggest conservation efforts in our city was for water, naturally, and i spent a lot of time learning about low flow toilets and 5 minute showers. i learned that filling your sink basin and washing your dishes in that water is less costly than running the tap. i learned that it only takes 2 days without water on the desert for someone to die the city was sinking as the aquifer drained. neighborhoods fell into flood zones that didnt exist 10 years ago there’s a road called Golf Links in the city and it is lined with golf courses. miles of green grass where grass doesn’t grow, in a valley where it doesn’t rain. why? because the rich white retirees who moved there to stop the aching in their joints decided they should also get to play golf. meanwhile our public schools taught small children like me that taking long showers would kill the world let the golf industry burn There are 15,500+ golf courses in the United States alone.  Each one consumes ~312,000 gallons of water per day. That consumption is equivalent to 55+ million humans per day in the United States… roughly 1/6 the entire population. We simply cannot sustain this frivolity, especially for something 99% of us will never use. Destroy golf courses and plant wild grasses and butterfly bushes in their place. Mmm wild blackberries would be great They used to be all around before recent land development here they used to be all around before recent land development here ^Haiku^bot^9. I detect haikus with 5-7-5 format. Sometimes I make mistakes.Help me buy a flower for Alexa®! And yes, we are dating. | PayPal | Patreon Out where I am we’ve been turning defunct golf courses into public parks and nature trails after letting them overgrow a bit. It’s nice! You get a lot of interesting successional species as the land is reclaimed, and it’s great birdwatching territory.

cornerof5thandvermouth: haiku-robot: tardis-in-a-moonbeam: zooophagous: ralfmaximus: princeloki: f1rstperson: Glad to see my lifelong...

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Tumblr, Twitter, and Blog: boozeymustdie: Frank Iero with onasilverplate Sheffield, United Kingdom on October 15th, 2017! onasilverplate​: Smiles all around ✨

boozeymustdie: Frank Iero with onasilverplate Sheffield, United Kingdom on October 15th, 2017! onasilverplate​: Smiles all around ✨

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Advice, Being Alone, and Bad: Girl Asks Rick And Morty's Co- Author How To Cope With Depression, Does Not Expect His Response Daniel Harmon is an American writer, producer, voice actor, and all-around cool guy He's the creator of popular show Rick and Morty A fan on Twitter recently asked him a personal, but important question... charming taint man @chojuroh @danharmon do you have advice for dealing with depression 6:04 AM - Nov 28, 2017 And he came back with the best possible response Dan Harmon @danharmon Replying to @chojuroh For One: Admit and accept that it's happening Awareness is everything. We put ourselves under so much pressure to feel good. It's okay to feel bad. It might be something you're good at! Communicate it. DO NOT KEEP IT SECRET. Own it. Like a hat or jacket. Your feelings are real 7:08 AM - Nov 28, 2017 Dan Harmon @danharmon Replying to danharmon@chojuroh Two: try to remind yourself, over and over, that feelings are real but they aren't reality. Example you can feel like life means nothing. True feeling Important feeling. TRUE that you feel it, BUT...whether life has meaning? Not up to us. Facts and feelings: equal but different 7:12 AM - Nov 28, 2017 Dan Harmon @danharmon Replying to @chojuroh The most important thing I can say to you is please don't deal with it alone. There is an incredible, miraculous magic to pushing your feelings out. Even writing "I want to die" on a piece of paper and burning it will feel better than thinking about it alone. Output is magical 7:14 AM - Nov 28, 2017 Dan Harmon @danharmon Replying to @danharmon @chojuroh Dark thoughts will echo off the walls of your skull they will distort and magnify. When you open your mouth (or an anonymous journal or blog or sketchpad), these thoughts go out. They'll be back but you gotta get em OUT Vent them. Tap them. I know you don't want to but try it 7:17 AM - Nov 28, 2017 It pretty much left us all 'kinda star struck rn' charming taint man @chojurolh Replying to @danharmon sorry I'm kinda star struck rn so I'm having a hard time articulating anything other than thank you so goddamn much for all of this. Probably better than my therapist could've said it. (And my boyfriend "TELL HIM THANK YOU AND THAT WE SUBSCRIBE TO HARMONTOWN") 7:22 AM - Nov 28, 2017 aliciaaadani: zelda-fitz-gives-no-shits: ambris: As someone who has dealt with depression for years, I can confirm this is incredibly good advice. just so you know, daniel harmon is an autistic writer, producer, and voice actor. it’s incredibly important that we don’t erase autistic creators; all of this is also important, but erasure is a huge problem and it’s so so vital for autistic kids to see (mentally ill and multifaceted) autistic adult creators and know that’s what they can grow up to be. This is truly great advice
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America, Google, and Racism: BuzzFeed @BuzzFeed Follow A 19-year-old photographer is redefining what it means to be a black man in America bzfd.it/2nxgPpU blackfashion: the-real-eye-to-see: This Gorgeous Photo Series Crushes Stereotypes About Black Masculinity Loftin shot the photo series after seeing the stark contrast between the Google results for “black boy in hoodie” and “white boy in hoodie.” In contrast to the images of black men depicted in the Google image search, Loftin’s poses are sweet, affectionate, and sometimes silly. “Black people, and black men specifically, exist outside of the stereotypes that have been created for us by the media and those that control it,” he told. Source They always portray us as dangerous thugs in black hoodies, nothing new. And the fact that whites still believe that black people are dangerous to them proves just how ingrained white supremacism is in this country! This man just wanted to say that racism is still a reality we have to deal with. Inferential racism certainly won’t go away by no one talking about it. We have to accept that there is a serious problem in America, that many white Americans are raised with these subtle cues all around them telling them to “fear blacks”. Stop making up false stories about us, we are just people, just a little darker. Myles Loftin mylesloftinphotography.com we should start this thing where we place artist names in the title.

blackfashion: the-real-eye-to-see: This Gorgeous Photo Series Crushes Stereotypes About Black Masculinity Loftin shot the photo series af...

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