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Ass, Bad, and College: Anonymous 12/01/18(Sat)06:19:39 No.49597417 parents spent most of childhood fighting dad was alwavs pissed >has a shitty fucking sense of humour ("haha I'm gonna beat you if you dont this and this") vividly remember getting slapped hard as fuck while we were taking a walk and I decided to skip was maybe 6 years old >broke my toys >mother never did anything says she's always there for me and the only one who actually acknowledged that their long ass divorce could possibly be a really shitty experience for me lies and manipulates people cheated on my dad when I was 9 took the money I got for birthdays and didn't give it back >dad's gf is actually kinda alright >she relays every thing i say to my dad or grandparents though tells me I'm indecent and rude when I curl up on a chair while at grandma's house extremely concerned about how other's view her typical woman.jpg have a family they all hate me because of my mum the only family member I truly love and would miss if they were gone is my aunt whom I see 1-2 a year just wanna get a well-paying and fulfilling job and move far away from all of the bullshit Anonymous 12/01/18(Sat)05:50:32 No.49597109 2/3 got accepted to good college >mom immediately thought that I would go on a drug/drink/sex bender and get into trouble >demand I install tracking software for the smart phone she gave me "how can I trust you after all you did to me in high school?!" largely "encouraged" to choose a particular engineering major extended family, particularly mom's side, made very clear to me the consequences for changing majors, that it would be held over my head for the rest of my life (they did it to cousin) >went there felt freedom for the first time in my life did not drug/drink/sex bender or get into trouble still maintained good grades throughout (dropped only 1 class, A's and B's in a very competitive program while taking a minor and premed courses) develop some of my own non-academic interests and hobbies which family grudgingly accepted (though still to this day try to pressure me to sell it all o stupidest thing I did was ask out high school oneitis, who proceeded to use my crime against me as a cheap way to gain connections for the rest of the 4 years nearly dropped out of major over that only thing that stopped me was seeing that it would take 5 years to graduate, and that it would be impossible to explain to family heartbreak is temporary, family is forever amirite? >powered through major despite slowly dying every day surrounded by people who hated me with no way out >family never knevw constant pressure destroyed me slowly: I'm surel have an undiagnosed anxiety disorder graduated get rejected by every medical program in the country >by this time mom cut connections with family who had always been treating her like shit thought things would get better, at least at home Anonymous 12/01/18(Sat)06:03:04 No.49597258 3/3 forced to take job at shithole startup witnessed and experienced unbelievable shit: racism, sexism, and just plain cruelty from rich degenerates playing company >mom never believed me when I explained thought I was exagerating, and would gaslight me even in middle of conversation >to this day I still hear "it's not that bad" when l make the mistake of talking about what happened over there I have since changed jobs and am still working on my ultimate goal, but I'm more of a wreck than l ever was. Thanks to being berated by my parents for being ungrateful, and constantly having to jump through a million hoops to try to win some love I'm extremely emotionally needy, especially towards women I percieve as mothering figures. It's to the point where I'm pushing away a formerly close friend and mentor who had been extremely kind to me The worst thing is that through all this, my mom (and probably nearly everyone else) is going to say it's all my fault for not being "strong" or independent" enough. For example a few weeks ago I was stupid enough to tell my mom how I hated how her relatives coerced me so hard into staying in my major, even when my heart and brain were both begging to be allowed to run, when they probably couldn't even tell me what my degree was in, and this made me too scared to leave since l feared a trickle down punishment from her. She told me l "stayed in there for myself" and it was all on me since "it's not [herl style" to directly confront others (although I have witnessed this several times). I have to keep pretending everything is alright though it is getting harder every day. There's nobody I can talk to about this: after all, who would believe me? Anon has a bad childhood
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Alive, Being Alone, and Fire: IT ISE phantomemes: feel free to change things  ( such as pronouns )  as needed ! S M O K E  “ this is just a war in my head ”“ i give it time but it never seems to end ”“ i feel a fire in the back of my throat ”“ don’t you try to run right now ”“ you’re killing me right now ”“ i love the things we do when it’s just me and you ” S T  .  P A T R I C K “ you give me something to talk about ”“ i need a miracle ”“ you’re a glimpse of bliss ”“ i know you’re gone now ”“ i think you’re an angel ” M Y  H O U S E “ you’re a cold air creeping in ”“ i heard you down the hall ”“ you walk around like you own the place ”“ guess it was all my fault ”“ think you’ve been making me sick ”“ darling  ,  you can’t stay ”“ i’m not yours anymore ”“ i think it’s time to get out ” H O L Y “ you’ve got it all wrong ”“ you put on a faith facade ”“ you’re simply lost ”“ simply calling out sins don’t bring you closer to god ”“ you’re just a ghost at most ”“ you’re all alone ”“ there’s no way that there’s weight in the words that you preach ”“ you’re shallow and empty and filled with regret ”“ i think that chest must be heavy from that cross on your neck ”“ don’t think i didn’t notice ” F I R E “ i watched you decay ”“ who’d you think you’d fool ? ”“ you can’t cheat death when you’re digging your own grave ”“ so go ahead  ,  you just drop dead ”“ you’re out of line ”“ your bridges are burning ”“ what you give is what you get ”“ you were a walking  ,  talking  ,  corpse at best ”“ it’s hard to find life in something that’s already died ” G H O S T S “ i’m the one with the ghosts in my bed ”“ they only come alive at night ”“ i’ll be fine in the daylight ”“ it’s my head not my heart that’s strayed ”“ i’m sorry i keep pushing you away ”“ i don’t wanna fight ”“ why can’t you stay ? ” L E T  T H E M  I N “ i wanna feel something ”“ i shouldn’t give in ”“ i let you win ”“ you struck a match and left me to burn ”“ i won’t let you in ”“ find a new place  ,  another space to invade ”“ all the walls are caving in ”

phantomemes: feel free to change things  ( such as pronouns )  as needed ! S M O K E  “ this is just a war in my head ”“ i give it time but ...

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Crazy, Family, and Friends: SAMSUNg SAMSUNG petalssoft: I need to get out of hereI have never made any type of post like this and it’s going to be long and annoying but I just can’t fucking take this anymore. I’m Sophie, I am a 19 year old latina girl who has been living with an abusive man double my age for the last couple of years after running away. I feel trapped here and I have no means to leave safely at all. I’m mentally ill and on disability which doesn’t leave me with any room to get away from him and he is extremely controlling even when it comes to money and what I should have to owe him for living with him. I have no family to lean on and the friends I did have, he has cut me off completely from them. He’s smashed my phone when he got paranoid leaving me with nothing and no one. He monitored my phone and my social media so I have had to make separate accounts to try and hide him from seeing what I post. Not only that but he is racist, he hates women, believes in white supremacy, thinks that all girls should only be with men and give themselves to men whether they want to or not.. it just goes on and on and never stops. He always talks about genocide, thinks women ask for too much, ect. He has actually gone to jail in the past for assault. He threatens me with violence if I don’t do the things he asks for all the time and my mental health has gone downhill since I came here. There are so many things that have happened that I can’t even talk about.I am always being taken advantage of, threatened, manipulated into sex, into giving him money, just so that I won’t be out on the streets with no where to go. This type of life is making me want to kill myself if I can’t get a change soon but I am terrified of the thought of leaving him. I want to get a restraining order so that he can’t come after me, but if I do that I will have no place to live because I can’t afford the apartment I live in if he’s not here. I need help getting out. There is no way I can afford to pay a deposit, pet fee, and first months rent on a cheaper apartment with the income and type of life I have right now. He knows about how much money I bring in a month, and with my bills and everything I have very little. I know what I need is a lot, my goal is around $500 dollars even though that won’t begin to cover it, I don’t expect much help at all. Even a couple dollars I have that I can hide from him will hopefully add up.I was at risk of being homeless when I met him because of leaving my family. I thought that because he had issues too that he was a good person at heart but I can’t take the way that he treats me anymore, it has only gotten worse. If you don’t believe me, or think I shouldn’t be asking for this kind of help or think this is all my fault just block me. I have had too many people act like I am over exaggerating or that I’m crazy. I will just block you. my paypal email is sophimazziotti@gmail.com if you can help at all and if you cant i understand I know everyone is struggling and other people need more help than I do but I would be so thankful if you would please please reblog this post for me. Thank you.
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