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Allahu Akbar, Appalled, and Apple: SESAME STREET .org After a deeply profound conversation, Tyrone, realized that just because he had white palms, didn't mean he could stop picking the cotton. At first he thought Grover was crazy. But as Grover's lecture went on, Bert steadily came to realize that jet fuel can't melt steel beams. Bert pees in the bathtub and notices an alarming amount of blood. Kermit shows off the severed head of grover, in order to strike fear into the souls of americans Bert smirks as he hears the air raid sirens. Ernie's war had begun at last. "Shit, Ernie, don't snort it! I told you this is heroin! Haven't you seen Pulp Fiction? SESAME STREET Grover demonstrates how far the law requires him to stay away from sexy sexy children. Reinvented by juansanity2 for iFunny Ernie's attempts to build a drug empire are set back when he realises he's grown the wrong plant. "I know it's going to be funny as Hell, but you can't laugh when they open the casket and see their son is missing. They'll know it was us." Ernie knew he remembered giving that slut Lanteesha enough money for the abortion. Elmo and Maria make a swift getaway after burning down another shop in Baltimore The hickey on Ernie's neck and the condom still on his nose confirmed Bert's suspicions: Ernie was cheating. After the Count calls Ernie's mom a "two cent crack whore", Bert struggles to restrain him. COM Ernie shows Bert who the biggest fag in the room is. Ernie feels he is no longer attractive to Bert. Bert knows it's true but doesn't say anything. Ernie prepares to commit a hate crime. Bert remains awestuck as Ernie confesses to his rampage of serial murders on the air. TIE TIMES Joe RI Ernie eyes the article on Big Bird's untimely death and worries the cops may be on to him Bert and Ernie write the word "Privilege" on a card and dangle it over the heads of a group of feminists to demonstrate how it will always be out of their reach. Bert plays with himself as he listens to Ernie's bathtub song Cookie Monster trips unbelievably hard on a cookie sized tab of LSD Ernie is shocked at the street price of crack these days APPLES SG Bert and Ernie undercut the current apple market value, forcing their competitors families into poverty As seen on EricAlper.com Elmo shouts at the phone, yelling to "blow the gooks to smithereens!" against the protests of his defense chief, who keeps trying to remind him that the war in Vietnam ended 40 years ago The other option is sellingthese little rocks Bert regrets cheaping out on the soundproofing in his sex dungeon when the screams of the Children inside keeps him awake at night. Ernie enjoys Bert's resistance as he fulfills his country girl rape fantasy. O o Ernie laughs as he tells the struggling, dying orphan, "I am the only one who cares about you" as he begins to penetrate her Bert and Ernie patiently wait in their attic as the Nazi's frantically search for them below. As Beaker tests Dr. Bunsen Honeydew s newly invented, fully functioning Rape Alarm, he is more than a little disquieted by the extremely strong signals it picks up. Dr. Honeydew chuckles to himself at Beaker's reaction, knowing full well that he won't be able to tell the cops what's about to happen to him "See the face in the glass Timmy? That's called a retard!" Grover pretends to not hear Mr. Johnson masturbating kids The whole neighborhood watches as Ernie viciously fucks Telly while taking a romantic bath together Bill Cosby and Oscar haggle over the price of some of Oscar's roofies 10 SESAME STREET Ernie forgets sign language for,"I wallowed s my entire sperm collection, it has congealed in my thro at and I am choking to death." Bert reassures a frightened Ernie by telling him that jet fuel can't melt sweet dreams. Rosita coaxes another Suicide Hotline caller into pulling the trigger, beating Telly's record of 12 The fresh smell of semen awakes Bert When Ernie finishes his masterpiece "It wasn't the fact we were killing children that disturbed me. We were at war, after all. It's the erection l got from doing it." With the bombing all over the papers, Bert knew they had to watch their step. Ernie could never keep his mouth shut. He'd have to go At that moment, Ernie realized the furry lifestyle just wasn't for him. Unfortunately, this realization came several seconds after Big Bird had buried himself to the hilt in the fursuit's quick-access assflap. Ernie, disappointed with Bert's fellatio skills, forces him to practice on random objects in the house. Ernie gives Bert a crash-course in how to behead infidels the right way according to the Quran. BERT SUDDENLY REALIZED THAT ERNIE'S FINAL SOLUTION HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH MATH. After having been frozen for 60 years, Bert learns of Hitler's defeat and the fall of the Reich. As Bert turns his head, he realizes that the Viet Cong are about to ambush his patrol. The door locks behind them. Ernie begins throwing darts with expert precision at all 100 balloons in the room, relentlessly triggering Bert's PTSD and shattering his psyche beyond repair. Bert and Ernie work tirelessly to plant landmines under the sand SESANE STREET "As-Salaam-Alaikum, Bert!" says Ernie as he returns from his vacation, hanging out with his pals in Somalia. Ernie tells Bert that his non-aryan ginger nephew, cannot enter his home. As the second H flashes on the television, Bert and Ernie are amazed that the signal has finally come. They shout "Heil Hitler" when they realize their brothers of the Fourth Reich have infiltrated the mass media. Elmo hates what Elmo is about to do, but Elmo has to feed Elmo's bloodlust. Cookie Monster tearfully informs his family the Gestapo officer ordered their immediate eviction and arranged transport to Auschwitz-Birkenau Bert and Ernie helps stage the Gleiwitz incident, giving Germany a pretext to invade Poland. Ernie and Bert are delighted when they discover that their plan to bring both Koreas to war might actually work Big Bird gets kidnapped by ISIS. SESAME STREET] Taking on a job at the morgue, Ernie has finally found a way to do good in the world If all those girls die as Virgins, they should at least not be buried as such Ernie exclaims loudly "Allahu Akbar!" as Bert banks towards the city's airspace. High on PCP, Cookie Monster lets out a blood-curdling battle cry as he catapults his body through 2 inches of solid brick SESAME STREET .org Kermit is baffled by this negro giving him his 3/5th of an opinion Bert and Ernie agree to drown their mentally retarded son, Bort Ernie learns the ups and downs of putting his dick in an ant hill. Ernie quickly realized that this was not milk that Bert had left out on the counter top. Ernie educates Bert about why the Japanese deserve a third nuclear bombing. As the facade of Auschwitz came into sight, the jew suddenly realized those weren't snowflakes he was catching on his tongue. Bert was not joking when he told Ernie he was going to "literally hit him with a fucking piano if he woke him up for some menial bullshit one more time". Bert is appalled by Ernie's plan to have a Make-A-Wish child sneak coke on set for them. Bert Was notimpressed by Ernie's proposed cover forgetting the goods out of Colombia Some of my favourite Sesame Street moments...
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Allahu Akbar, Being Alone, and Anaconda: Rules Of War in islam If ISIS/Taliban/Al Qaeda ever read the Quran, they would know too Muhammed's (PBUH) commands in Wars Don't cut a tree Don't kill a woman 559 Don't kill a child Don't kill a sick person Don't kill old people Don't kill a monk or a priest Don't destroy a temple or a church Don't disfigure the dead Don't kill an animal except for eating Don't destroy a building Don't kill those who Be good to the prisoners and feed themm surrendered Don't kill who ran away Don't enforce Islam <p><a href="http://hominishostilis.tumblr.com/post/135849791733/durkin62-haydrion-drunxaspunx" class="tumblr_blog">hominishostilis</a>:</p> <blockquote><p><a class="tumblr_blog" href="http://durkin62.tumblr.com/post/135849394087">durkin62</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a class="tumblr_blog" href="http://haydrion.tumblr.com/post/135846616086">haydrion</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a class="tumblr_blog" href="http://drunxaspunx.tumblr.com/post/133575978969">drunxaspunx</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a class="tumblr_blog" href="http://stillnotchrys.tumblr.com/post/133314199115">stillnotchrys</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a class="tumblr_blog" href="http://arab-quotes.tumblr.com/post/127324873222">arab-quotes</a>:</p> <blockquote> <blockquote><p>The last one alone is enough to debunk the whole premise that ISIS represents Islam.<br/></p></blockquote> </blockquote> <p>I’m going to put this on queue just incase people need reminding</p> </blockquote> <p>Wow ISIS is breaking every single one of these rules.</p> </blockquote> <p>I do not even doubt that they did the first one. Fuckers. <br/></p> </blockquote> <p>Trees- <a href="http://www.theonlyquran.com/hadith/Sahih-Muslim/?volume=19&amp;chapter=10">It is narrated on the authority of ‘Abdullah that the Messenger of Allah  ordered the date-palms of Banu Nadir to be <b>burnt and cut</b>. These palms were at Buwaira. Qutaibah and Ibn Rumh in their versions of the tradition have added: So Allah, the Glorious and Exalted, revealed the verse:“ Whatever trees you have cut down or left standing on their trunks, it was with the permission of Allah so that He may disgrace the evil-doers&quot; </a><br/></p> <p>Children- <a href="http://www.usc.edu/org/cmje/religious-texts/hadith/abudawud/038-sat.php#038.4390">Muhammed order his men to make the boys pull down their pants, if they had any pubic hair they were slaughtered. The rest enslaved.</a> He also was totally cool with kids being killed as collateral damage.  <i>It is reported on the authority of Sa'b b. Jaththama that the Prophet of Allah when asked about the women and children of the polytheists being killed during the night raid, said: “<b>They are from them.</b>”</i> (Sahih Muslim <a href="http://www.usc.edu/org/cmje/religious-texts/hadith/muslim/019-smt.php#019.4322">4322</a>, see also Bukhari <a href="http://www.usc.edu/org/cmje/religious-texts/hadith/bukhari/052-sbt.php#004.052.256">52:256</a>) </p> <p>Elderly- Mohammed ordered an old woman ripped in half and then fucked her daughter.  <i>She was a very old woman, wife of Malik. Her daughter </i>[and another]<i> were also taken. Zayd ordered Qays to kill Umm Qirfa and he killed her cruelly by putting a rope between her legs and to two camels and driving them until they rent her in two)</i>. (Ibn Ishaq/Hisham 980)  <i>I drove them along until I brought them to Abu Bakr who bestowed that girl upon me as a <b>prize</b>.  So we arrived in Medina.  I had not yet disrobed her when the Messenger of Allah (may peace be upon him) met me in the street and said: “Give me that girl.”</i> (Sahih Muslim <a href="http://www.usc.edu/org/cmje/religious-texts/hadith/muslim/019-smt.php#019.4345">4345</a>) </p> <p>He also had  Abu Afak, who was supposedly over 100 executed for a satirical poem mocking Islam.  <i>The apostle said, “Who will deal with this rascal for me?”  Whereupon [a follower] went forth and killed him.</i> (Ibn Ishaq/Hisham 995). </p> <p>He also ordered the death of  another elderly person, <i>The Prophet recited Suratan-Najm (103) at Mecca and prostrated while reciting it and those who were with him did the same except an old man who took a handful of small stones or earth and lifted it to his forehead and said, “This is sufficient for me.” Later on, I saw him killed as a non-believer.</i>  (Bukhari <a href="http://www.usc.edu/org/cmje/religious-texts/hadith/bukhari/019-sbt.php#002.019.173">19:173</a>) </p> <p>Churches temples- Couldn’t find anything, for either one. Just people saying Islam says to protect them, but that’s not actual doctrine and carries no more significance than people saying they should destroy them.</p> <p>buildings- Same as last.</p> <p>People who surrendered- Mohammed ordered the execution of hundreds of Jews who surrendered to him.  Abu Dawud; see Ibn Ishaq, p. 466 </p> <p>Running away- No info. </p> <p>Women- Muhammad directly ordered the death of several women in his time.  After he captured Mecca in 630, for example, he demanded that two female slaves be put to death along with their master, merely because they had mocked Muhammad in song (Ibn Ishaq/Hisham 819, Abu Dawud <a href="http://www.usc.edu/org/cmje/religious-texts/hadith/abudawud/014-sat.php#014.2678">2678</a>).The brutal death of <a href="http://www.thereligionofpeace.com/muhammad/myths-mu-elderly.htm">Umm Qirfa</a> also refutes this myth.  So do the women who were killed in battle (Bukhari <a href="http://www.usc.edu/org/cmje/religious-texts/hadith/bukhari/052-sbt.php#004.052.257">52:257</a>), when Muhammad’s men attacked a town or tribe – although his preference was that women be captured for sexual servitude rather than killed.One account not only speaks of the killing of a defenseless woman, but also refutes the broader misconception that Islam is against attacking others for reasons other than <a href="http://www.thereligionofpeace.com/muhammad/myths-mu-self-defense.htm">self-defense</a>:<i>We went with the apostle on the raid of Dhatu’l-Riqa of Nakhl and <b>a man killed the wife of one of the polytheists</b>.  When the apostle was on his way back, her husband, who had<b> been away</b>, returned and heard the news of her death.  He swore that he would not rest until he had taken vengeance</i>. (Ibn Ishaq/Hisham 665)Muhammad ordered a Jewish woman put to death for literally losing her mind while the male members of her family were being <a href="http://www.thereligionofpeace.com/muhammad/myths-mu-qurayza.htm">beheaded</a> (Ibn Ishaq/Hisham 691).  This one could go on for awhile, but I think that’s sufficient. </p> <p>Sick- Again, no info. </p> <p>Priests- Nothing specific to them but it most certainly says to kill all infidels. Priests and monks fall into that category.  <a href="http://www.usc.edu/org/cmje/religious-texts/quran/verses/002-qmt.php#002.191">Quran (2:191-193)</a>  <a href="http://www.usc.edu/org/cmje/religious-texts/quran/verses/003-qmt.php#003.056">Quran (3:56)</a>  <a href="http://www.usc.edu/org/cmje/religious-texts/quran/verses/003-qmt.php#003.151">Quran (3:151)</a> </p> <p>Don’t disfigure the dead- no info.</p> <p>Animals- don’t give enough of a shit to look up. </p> <p>Treat prisoners well- Already have verses permitting and ordering the execution, enslavement, and rape of prisoners. </p> <p>Don’t enforce Islam- Already have verses promoting attacking non Muslims and forcing them to either convert or die. If you leave the faith you are executed,  <a href="http://www.usc.edu/org/cmje/religious-texts/quran/verses/004-qmt.php#004.089">Qur'an (4:89)</a> and those who live in Islamic nations but aren’t Muslims (who aren’t also executed) are second class citizens  <a href="http://www.usc.edu/org/cmje/religious-texts/quran/verses/009-qmt.php#009.029">Qur'an (9:29)</a>. </p> </blockquote> <p><i>Would Muhammad…?</i></p><p><br/></p><p><b>Have sex with a 9-year-old girl? yup! </b><a href="http://www.usc.edu/org/cmje/religious-texts/hadith/muslim/008-smt.php#008.3309">Hadith</a></p><p>Advocate beheading? yup! <a href="http://www.usc.edu/org/cmje/religious-texts/quran/verses/008-qmt.php#008.012">Qur'an</a></p><p>Require women to <br/>cover their faces? yup! <a href="http://www.thereligionofpeace.com/Quran/007-veils.htm">Qur'an &amp; Hadith</a></p><p>Befriend Christians and Jews? NOPE! <a href="http://www.thereligionofpeace.com/Quran/009-friends-with-christians-jews.htm">Qur'an</a></p><p>Own slaves? YUP <a href="http://www.thereligionofpeace.com/Quran/015-slavery.htm">Qur'an &amp; Hadith</a></p><p>Marry his daughter-in-law? You BEtcha! <a href="http://www.usc.edu/org/cmje/religious-texts/quran/verses/033-qmt.php#033.037">Qur'an</a></p><p>Recommend wife-beating? Yer bugger! <a href="http://www.thereligionofpeace.com/Quran/003-wife-beating.htm">Qur'an &amp; Hadith</a></p><p>Hit his own wife? Affirmative! <a href="http://www.usc.edu/org/cmje/religious-texts/hadith/muslim/004-smt.php#004.2127">Hadith</a></p><p>Kill prisoners of war? quite regularly! <a href="http://www.usc.edu/org/cmje/religious-texts/hadith/abudawud/038-sat.php#038.4390">Hadith</a></p><p>Advocate suicide attacks? Uh huh! <a href="http://www.thereligionofpeace.com/Quran/018-suicide-bombing.htm">Qur'an &amp; Hadith</a></p><p>Kill apostates? Killed’em good! <a href="http://www.thereligionofpeace.com/Quran/012-apostasy.htm">Qur'an &amp; Hadith</a></p><p>Tell sick persons to heal them-selves by drinking camel urine? Yum Yum, motherfucker! <a href="http://www.usc.edu/org/cmje/religious-texts/hadith/bukhari/082-sbt.php#008.082.797">Hadith</a></p><p>Beat children who don’t pray? Fuck those little shits, amirite? <a href="http://www.usc.edu/org/cmje/religious-texts/hadith/abudawud/002-sat.php#002.0494">Hadith</a></p><p>Have boys as young as 13-years-old beheaded? Them toO! <a href="http://www.usc.edu/org/cmje/religious-texts/hadith/abudawud/038-sat.php#038.4390">Hadith</a></p><p>Have eleven wives? (at one time) Hoo Hoo boy, who’s got Tuesday? <a href="http://www.usc.edu/org/cmje/religious-texts/hadith/bukhari/005-sbt.php#001.005.268">Hadith</a></p><p>Approve of Sex with Minors? Pedophilia too? Neat! <a href="http://www.usc.edu/org/cmje/religious-texts/quran/verses/065-qmt.php#065.004">Qur'an</a></p><p>Lie? nooooo! <a href="http://www.thereligionofpeace.com/Quran/011-taqiyya.htm">Qur'an &amp; Hadith</a></p><p>Enslave women and children? That’s what they’re <i>there </i>for, right? <a href="http://answering-islam.org/Authors/Arlandson/qurayza_jews.htm">Hadith &amp; Ibn Ishaq</a></p><p>Stone adulterers to death? Cheaters get <i>rocks! </i><a href="http://www.thereligionofpeace.com/Quran/001-adultery_punishment.htm">Hadith</a></p><p>Torture a man out of greed? Because he <i>needed </i>that shit !<a href="http://www.answering-islam.org/Silas/kinana.htm">Ibn Ishaq</a></p><p>Consider men and women equal partners? HA, nope! <a href="http://www.thereligionofpeace.com/Quran/010-women-worth-less.htm">Qur'an &amp; Hadith</a></p><p>Steal? What’s yours is mine! <a href="http://www.thereligionofpeace.com/Quran/020-stealing.htm">Qur'an &amp; Hadith</a></p><p>Kill someone for insulting him? Fuck you too, m8! <a href="http://www.answering-islam.org/Authors/Arlandson/dead_poets.htm">Qur'an &amp; Hadith</a></p><p>Preach love for people of all religions? “The Religion of Peace!” <a href="http://www.usc.edu/org/cmje/religious-texts/quran/verses/009-qmt.php#009.030">Qur'an &amp; Hadith</a></p><p>Extort money from other religions? It’d be a <i>shame </i>if something happened…<a href="http://www.thereligionofpeace.com/Quran/004-jizya.htm">Qur'an &amp; Hadith</a></p><p>Keep women as sex slaves? In the service of Allah! <a href="http://www.usc.edu/org/cmje/religious-texts/quran/verses/004-qmt.php#004.024">Qur'an</a></p><p>Force conversions to Islam? It’s do or die, folks! <a href="http://www.thereligionofpeace.com/Quran/013-forced-conversion.htm">Qur'an &amp; Hadith</a></p><p>Encourage acts of terror? Allahu Akbar! <a href="http://prophetofdoom.net/Islamic_Quotes_Terrorism.Islam">Qur'an &amp; Hadith</a></p><p>Kill a woman? <a href="http://www.answering-islam.org/Muhammad/Enemies/asma.html">Biographers</a></p><p>Capture a woman and rape her? <a href="http://www.usc.edu/org/cmje/religious-texts/hadith/bukhari/046-sbt.php#003.046.718">Hadith</a></p><p>Encourage the rape of women in front of their husbands? <a href="http://www.muslimhope.com/AbuDawud.htm">Hadith (Abu Dawud: 2150)</a></p><p>Oh, and don’t forget that according to Allah himself (speaking through Muhammad, of course) Muhammad is the most <i>&ldquo;beautiful pattern of conduct&quot; </i>and <i>&quot;example&quot; </i>for mankind to follow! (Qur'an <a href="http://www.usc.edu/org/cmje/religious-texts/quran/verses/033-qmt.php#033.021">33:21</a>), as well as the <i>&quot;exalted standard of character&quot; </i>(Qur'an <a href="http://www.usc.edu/org/cmje/religious-texts/quran/verses/068-qmt.php#068.004">68:4</a>).</p><p><b>GEE, it looks to me like ISIS has the right idea about Islam, after all…</b></p></blockquote> <p>Welp.</p>
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Allahu Akbar, America, and Bitch: O U A Viral Facebook Post Claims A Refugee Was A Member of ISIS But He Actually Fought Them The post, which features a former Free Syrian Army member, has nearly 80,000 Shares When fake shit goes viral, the only cure is for the facts to go viral too, before the lie begets policy. ETA: l swear to Odin if hear Donald Trump bitching about how Syria is sending Europe criminals Like Re 1 14 mins Edited Arabic Translator I was listening to hannity on my drive home and he played some audio of men chanting in arabic, supposedly on a train. Hannity and his cohorts implied men were ISIS and that they were on a train from France to Germany calling for the destruction of America and shit (only because they ended with several rounds of Allahu Akbar), and that Obama wants to let these people in to our country. Besides being... Factually incorrect on many fronts, the chanters were actually decrying isis and saying, essentially, "Fuck ISIS, those douches ruined our lives so we're going to destroy them I see where hannity got confused though; there's middle easterners, arabic being said, the obvious "Allahu Akbar, and let's not forget his own severe case of xenophobia. I mean, all middle easterners are clearly isis or a hairs breadth away from being an isis recruit, so why even still go on with the pretense of not being openly racist? Unlike Reply 1- 4 mins Fucking this dude Like Reply 2 mins Arabic Translator Destroys Sean Hannity's Fake 'Death To America' Radio Segment
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