🔥 Popular | Latest

Apparently, Clothes, and Creepy: probablyhistoricalrpgideas bumblesee hamtastrophe it's sometimes hard to believe rasputin was real. like there's no non-fucked up part of rasputin's existence rollinbylimpbizkit did he do something problematic i thought he was just russia's greatest love machine the-itchy-bitchy-spider basic (true) story: fanatical russian monk who has almost never shaved or washed and smells like goats shows up at the russian capital with a creepy look on his beardy face and everyone just assumes he's a prophet or a saint because he's got a cult following that believes he can cure illnesses. his stans are sexually obsessed with him and he gets just a fuckton of russian pussy wherever he goes cause apparently he can cure his true believers of illness with god-given dick magic. russia's queen has him come stay at the palace and sets him up in luxury because she thinks he can cure her son's haemophilia with the power of russian goat jesus, and they (allegedly) become lovers, probably, 'cause she craves that unwashed goat-scented dick like the rest of his cult which she now (allegedly) belongs to then the worst assassins in the history of assassinations try to assassinate him, ause queen he has too much power over the royal family and it's helping revolutionaries tunn people against the royals. so these idiots have him round for tea and cakes which are poisoned with cyanide, but he-is-magieally unaf and he doesn't die, and then he drinks three glasses of wine, which are also poisoned, and he doesn't die, so they tell him to look at a cru- cifix and shoot him in the chest with a revolver when he isn't looking, and he doesn't die, but they think he's dead so one of them dresses in his clothes and gets driven to his apartment to make it look like he's gone home to hide the crime, and when they come back he gets up and attacks them, so they stab him in the side with a knife, and he doesn't die, and then he frees himself and runs outside, so they shoot him a few times more, including in the fore- head, and they wrap his body up and chuck him in the icy river, and he doesn't go into the water, so his body is found on the ice the next day. and get this he died.... of hypothermia they get the dose wrong tyrannosaurus-rex additionally, everyone who wasnt in the party of getting rid of rasputin was pretty bummed out when they found him and his miracle dick dead the next day and there was a pretty bangin funeral of which the royal family themselves attended. however after the tsar was overthrown a few month later they exhumed his body and burned it because the new leadership was very adamant about making sure there were no ties left to honor the old monarchy. however this dudes body had never been properly prepped for a cremation which meant that under the extreme heat his tendons and ligaments began to retract and shrink causing his dead body to move and twitch around as if still animate. according to some testimony his body actually sat up straight on the pyre, and at least one spectator fired a gun at the body and another may have allegedly died of shock. watercolor-gryphon Rasputin was an old god from times before humans mad-duck He is like a cleric gone wild godlessondheimite "did rasputin do something problematic" i am going to die Source: hamtastrophe 177,175 notes Russias Greatest Love Machine
Save
Apparently, Clothes, and Creepy: hamtastrophe it's sometimes hard to believe rasputin was real. like theres no non-fucked up part of rasputin's existence rollinbylimpbizkit did he do something problematic i thought he was just russia's greatest love machine the-itchy-bitchy-spider basic (true) story: fanatical russian monlk who has almost never shaved or washed and smells like goats shos up at the russian capital with a creepy look on his beardy face and everyone just assumes he's a prophet or a saint because he's got a cult following that believes he can cure illnesses. his stans are sexually obsessed with him and he gets just a fuckton of russian pussy wherever he goes cause apparently he can cure his true believers of illness with god-given dick magic. russia's queen has him come stay at the palace and sets him up in luxury because she thinks he can cure her son's haemophilia with the power of russian goat jesus, and they (allegedly) become lovers, probably, 'cause she craves that unwashed goat-scented dick like the rest of his cult which she now (allegedly) belongs to. then the worst assassins in the history of assassinations try to assassinate him, ause queen he has too much power over the royal family and it's helping revolutionaries turn people against the royals. so these idiots have him round for tea and cakes which are poisoned with cyanide, but he is-magieally unaffeeted-by peisen they get the dose wrong and he doesn't die, and then he drinks three glasses of wine, which are also poisoned, and he doesn't die, so they tell him to look at a cru- cifix and shoot him in the chest with a revolver when he isn't looking, and he doesn't die, but they think he's dead so one of them dresses in his clothes and gets driven to his apartment to make it look like he's gone home to hide the crime, and when they come back he gets up and attacks them, so they stab him in the side with a knife, and he doesn't die, and then he frees himself and runs outside, so they shoot him a few times more, including in the fore head, and they wrap his body up and chuck him in the icy river, and he doesn't go into the water, so his body is found on the ice the next day. and get this.. he died.. of hypothermia. tyrannosaurus-rex additionally, everyone who wasnt in the party of getting rid of rasputin was pretty bummed out when they found him and his miracle dick dead the next day and there was a pretty bangin funeral of which the royal family themselves attended. however the tsar was overthrown a few month later after exhumed his body and burned it because the new leadership was very adamant about making sure there were no ties left to honor the old monarchy. however this dudes body had never been properly prepped for a cremation which meant that under the extreme heat his tendons and ligaments began to retract and shrink causing his dead body to move and twitch around as if still animate. according to some testimony his body actually sat up straight on the pyre, and at least one spectator fired a gun at the body and another may have allegedly died of shock. watercolor-gryphon Rasputin was an old god from times before humans mad-duck He is like a cleric gone wild unnatural-twenty Calling Rasputin a cleric is bard erasure, the dude seduced a monarch and then proceeded to pull off like 5 Nat 20's in a row. That's the most true to life bardic thing l've ever heard Source: hamtastrophe Rasputin
Save
Anaconda, Crime, and Fail: 7 Ways Police Will Break the Law, Threaten, or Lie to You to Get What they Want Cops routinely break the law. Here's how. By Larken Rose / The Free Thought ProjectOctober 19, 2015 peteschult: libertarirynn: gvldngrl: wolfoverdose: rikodeine: seemeflow: Because of the Fifth Amendment, no one in the U.S. may legally be forced to testify against himself, and because of the Fourth Amendment, no one’s records or belongings may legally be searched or seized without just cause. However, American police are trained to use methods of deception, intimidation and manipulation to circumvent these restrictions. In other words, cops routinely break the law—in letter and in spirit—in the name of enforcing the law. Several examples of this are widely known, if not widely understood. 1) “Do you know why I stopped you?”Cops ask this, not because they want to have a friendly chat, but because they want you to incriminate yourself. They are hoping you will “voluntarily” confess to having broken the law, whether it was something they had already noticed or not. You may think you are apologizing, or explaining, or even making excuses, but from the cop’s perspective, you are confessing. He is not there to serve you; he is there fishing for an excuse to fine or arrest you. In asking you the familiar question, he is essentially asking you what crime you just committed. And he will do this without giving you any “Miranda” warning, in an effort to trick you into testifying against yourself. 2) “Do you have something to hide?”Police often talk as if you need a good reason for not answering whatever questions they ask, or for not consenting to a warrantless search of your person, your car, or even your home. The ridiculous implication is that if you haven’t committed a crime, you should be happy to be subjected to random interrogations and searches. This turns the concept of due process on its head, as the cop tries to put the burden on you to prove your innocence, while implying that your failure to “cooperate” with random harassment must be evidence of guilt. 3) “Cooperating will make things easier on you.”The logical converse of this statement implies that refusing to answer questions and refusing to consent to a search will make things more difficult for you. In other words, you will be punished if you exercise your rights. Of course, if they coerce you into giving them a reason to fine or arrest you, they will claim that you “voluntarily” answered questions and “consented” to a search, and will pretend there was no veiled threat of what they might do to you if you did not willingly “cooperate.”(Such tactics are also used by prosecutors and judges via the procedure of “plea-bargaining,” whereby someone accused of a crime is essentially told that if he confesses guilt—thus relieving the government of having to present evidence or prove anything—then his suffering will be reduced. In fact, “plea bargaining” is illegal in many countries precisely because it basically constitutes coerced confessions.) 4) “We’ll just get a warrant.”Cops may try to persuade you to “consent” to a search by claiming that they could easily just go get a warrant if you don’t consent. This is just another ploy to intimidate people into surrendering their rights, with the implication again being that whoever inconveniences the police by requiring them to go through the process of getting a warrant will receive worse treatment than one who “cooperates.” But by definition, one who is threatened or intimidated into “consenting” has not truly consented to anything. 5.) We have someone who will testify against youPolice “informants” are often individuals whose own legal troubles have put them in a position where they can be used by the police to circumvent and undermine the constitutional rights of others. For example, once the police have something to hold over one individual, they can then bully that individual into giving false, anonymous testimony which can be used to obtain search warrants to use against others. Even if the informant gets caught lying, the police can say they didn’t know, making this tactic cowardly and illegal, but also very effective at getting around constitutional restrictions. 6) “We can hold you for 72 hours without charging you.”Based only on claimed suspicion, even without enough evidence or other probable cause to charge you with a crime, the police can kidnap you—or threaten to kidnap you—and use that to persuade you to confess to some relatively minor offense. Using this tactic, which borders on being torture, police can obtain confessions they know to be false, from people whose only concern, then and there, is to be released. 7) “I’m going to search you for my own safety.”Using so-called “Terry frisks” (named after the Supreme Court case of Terry v. Ohio, 392 U.S. 1), police can carry out certain limited searches, without any warrant or probable cause to believe that a crime has been committed, under the guise of checking for weapons. By simply asserting that someone might have a weapon, police can disregard and circumvent the Fourth Amendment prohibition on unreasonable searches. U.S. courts have gone back and forth in deciding how often, and in what circumstances, tactics like those mentioned above are acceptable. And of course, police continually go far beyond anything the courts have declared to be “legal” anyway. But aside from nitpicking legal technicalities, both coerced confessions and unreasonable searches are still unconstitutional, and therefore “illegal,” regardless of the rationale or excuses used to try to justify them. Yet, all too often, cops show that to them, the Fourth and Fifth Amendments—and any other restrictions on their power—are simply technical inconveniences for them to try to get around. In other words, they will break the law whenever they can get away with it if it serves their own agenda and power, and they will ironically insist that they need to do that in order to catch “law-breakers” (the kind who don’t wear badges). Of course, if the above tactics fail, police can simply bully people into confessing—falsely or truthfully—and/or carry out unconstitutional searches, knowing that the likelihood of cops having to face any punishment for doing so is extremely low. Usually all that happens, even when a search was unquestionably and obviously illegal, or when a confession was clearly coerced, is that any evidence obtained from the illegal search or forced confession is excluded from being allowed at trial. Of course, if there is no trial—either because the person plea-bargains or because there was no evidence and no crime—the “exclusionary rule” creates no deterrent at all. The police can, and do, routinely break the law and violate individual rights, knowing that there will be no adverse repercussions for them having done so. Likewise, the police can lie under oath, plant evidence, falsely charge people with “resisting arrest” or “assaulting an officer,” and commit other blatantly illegal acts, knowing full well that their fellow gang members—officers, prosecutors and judges—will almost never hold them accountable for their crimes. Even much of the general public still presumes innocence when it comes to cops accused of wrong-doing, while presuming guilt when the cops accuse someone else of wrong-doing. But this is gradually changing, as the amount of video evidence showing the true nature of the “Street Gang in Blue” becomes too much even for many police-apologists to ignore. http://www.alternet.org/civil-liberties/7-ways-police-will-break-law-threaten-or-lie-you-get-what-they-want One of the biggest realizations with dealing with cops for me was the fact that they CAN lie, they are 100% legally entitled to lie, and they WILL whether you’re a victim of crime, accused of committing a crime or anything else Everyone needs to reblog this, it could save a life. Important Seriously if you ever find yourself in custody don’t say shit until you’ve got some counsel with you. No cop is your friend in that situation. Cops are *never* your friends. And they are under no obligation to protect you. Ever. Get rid of pigs!
Save
Bad, Crazy, and Love: LAG Fissure: "I think Rascal and I were both in the same boat regarding today's news. Let's go back to the past. There is no one better than me who can empathize with him, so lI'm confident I can organize this case in the best way. The day I was released from London was Feb. 20th, and Rascal on the 21st. When I came to Gladiators, there was a 3 day break. The first thing I felt coming here was the issue everyone had talked about culture difference. I felt that the majority of the players had low work ethic regarding this job. Of course, not anymore. But when I first came here thinking ' will get this team to a higher rank and improve my value to my eyes the teammates were not practicing despite their bad performance in stage 1. It was an off-season break of course, but when Rascal and I are in a similar situation like that, where you are transferred from a top performing team you have no choice but to feel serious about it. I don't know about Dallas but I personally talked with the GM of LAG. I told him "I really want to improve this team and get us higher in the rankings, but they don't seem to have the mentality to try harder. If this goes on, I don't think I can keep up." And he listened. He gathered all the LAG players in one spot had a discussion, and told the players that they needed to make the proper atmosphere for Fissure, and then we can do better next stage. Of course, English was really hard for me. I usually almost never get triggered in scrims but I think I got frustrated for the first time during scrims in LAG due to English. I thought l was going crazy. How do I make specific orders in another language? I knew we could win with this shotcall of mine, but I couldn't convey it. So in the beginning I fought with the LAG players a lot, and naturally we apologized to each other for whatever we did. Since then we're really doing well and we have a good atmosphere. I think this is where we can see the difference between Dallas and Gladiators There is no one who can connect the Korean and English players in the game. We have Bischu. I talk to him in Korean and he translates it for me. Rascal must have been in the same situation, I can imagine how frustrated he had been. If I didn't have Bischu I would probably be in the news today as well. "Farewell to Fissure (1/2) 6 167 261 I'm sure that Rascal had fights with his team regarding that because that's exactly what I went through. But I apologized to my teammates after, and they did too. If you look at our recent matches we hugged when winning, and I love my team. I don't think Rascal was able to make that environment yet The language barrier made it hard for Rascal and the team to understand each other and he couldn't endure from that frustration. In the article it says "Rascal avoided communication." No, this is not the case. Rascal does want to communicate, but what can he do? He can't speak English. No one can translate for him in-game. I think Rascal got distressed because of that. I would have done the same As for EFFECT, He was with Envyus members since APEX. Rascal was in Dallas for only a month. The period is incomparable. I had been upset because of this issue as well and got triggered during scrims. When you really want to say something and you can't because of the language it is really, really frustrating. Then the coaches come to me and ask Why aren't you being active and more talkative in scrims??". I WANT TO. BUT I CAN'T. Do you know how they had replied to that? "Try harder". Even they can't solve this issue. Thankfully I became better because Bischu managed to alleviate this problem for us in-game. It's thanks to him that I am remaining here. Hey Daemin, you feel that too right? Having to learn Chinese to do comms. But what can you do? You only have to tray harder. It's the same for every player who needs to learn another language to adapt. I'm saying this because I'm afraid Rascal's reputation might be damaged when moving to another team Rascal doesn't have bad mentality or personality. The language barrier problem is that hard to solve. I've been in the same team as Rascal. He does not avoid communication he always tries to talk. It's just really hard to solve. In my opinion Bischu's player value will be very high next season. I am confident maybe somewhere below Jjonak and Carpe. Why? A lot of teams will want bilingual players. There will certainly be many teams who need that next season. I heard that Bischu already had a lot of offers (due to his ability). On top of that his personality is amazing. If he gets his mechanical skill to that level? His value will be on par with Jionak & Carpe. He lived overseas since he was young So yeah I wanted to say this, because this kind of news can be misunderstood very easily." (2/2) 6 167 261 lanerobertsappreciationsociety: wet-raccoon:What Fissure said on his stream about the Dallas v Rascal situation Fissure the MVP 

lanerobertsappreciationsociety: wet-raccoon:What Fissure said on his stream about the Dallas v Rascal situation Fissure the MVP 

Save
Apparently, Clothes, and Creepy: hamtastrophe it's sometimes hard to believe rasputin was real. like there's no non-fucked up part of rasputin's existence rollinbylimpbizkit did he do something problematic i thought he was just russia's greatest love machine the-itchy-bitchy-spider basic (true) story: fanatical russian monk who has almost never shaved or washed and smells like goats shows up at the russian capital with a creepy look on his beardy face and everyone just assumes he's a prophet or a saint because he's got a cult following that believes he can cure illnesses. his stans are sexually obsessed with him and he gets just a fuckton of russian pussy wherever he goes cause apparently he can cure his true believers of illness with god-given dick magic. russia's queen has him come stay at the palace and sets him up in luxury because she thinks he can cure her son's haemophilia with the power of russian goat jesus, and they (allegedly) become lovers, probably, 'cause she craves that unwashed goat-scented dick like the rest of his cult which she now (allegedly) belongs to then the worst assassins in the history of as- sassinations try to assassinate him, because he has too much power over the royal family and it's helping revolutionaries turn people against the royals. so these idiots have him round for tea and cakes which are poisoned with cyanide, but sen they get the dose wrong and he doesn't die, and then he drinks three glasses of wine, which are also poisoned, and he doesn't die, so they tell him to look at a crucifix and shoot him in the chest with a revolver when he isn't looking, and he doesn't die, but they think hes dead so one of them dresses in his clothes and gets driven to his apartment to make it look like he's gone home to hide the crime, and when they come back he gets up and attacks them, so they stab him in the side with a knife, and he doesn't die, and then he frees himself and runs outside, so they shoot him a few times more, including in the forehead, and they wrap his body up and chuck him in the icy river, and he doesn't go into the water, so his body is found on the ice the next day. and get this. .he died... f hypothermia Source: hamtastrophe One of the first Russian Chaos Agents, Rasputin
Save
Animals, Bad, and Children: 61below tumblr Follow lovelylilpup prokopetz I've seen a lot of videos going around of urban-dwelling critters coming to humans for help with various problems, ranging from boxes stuck on their heads to young trapped down a storm drain, and it's gotten me to thinking On the one hand, it's kind of fascinating that they know to do that. On the other hand, setting any questions of how this sort of behaviour must have arisen aside for the nonce, does it ever strike you how weird it is that we've got a whole collection of prey species whose basic problem-solving script ends with the step "if all else fails, go bother one of the local apex predators and maybe they'll fix the problem for no reason"? roachpatrol well, come to think of it, we're at the top of the food chain but we almost exclusively hunt and kill prey out in the country raccoons and possums and foxes and crows all succeed in an urban environment because they're opportunistic and observant. and almost none of them would have observed us pounce on one of their species and then start eating it, you know? a lot of them would have observed that we scream and chase them out of wherever we don't want them to be, but other animals are territorial too. but there's a number of situations where humans feed whoever's bold enough to take them up on the offer, and we do tend to pull garbage off of other animals as soon as they slow down enough for us to catch. 'a human got me but nothing bad happened' is a much more frequent thing than 'a human got me and tried to eat me anyway like, we're masters of our environment, we make weird shit happen all the time, we have lots of great food and sometimes we share, and we almost never eat someone. it makes sense for urban animals, over the last century or so, to just keep an eye out for opportunities to use us, and to pass the habit on to their kids. tsfennec It really is a weird, funny thing. Like yeah, technically they're predators, and they get pretty screamy, especially if you try to take any of their stuff... but given the chance it seems like they'd rather help us out and sometimes they'll just randomly give you food, so??? I mean, I guess in fairytales and myths we've got our fair share of stories about dangerous people/creatures who might well kill you or otherwise ruin your life but to whom people nonetheless turn for help in desperate circumstances. So it's not like the perspective is exactly a foreign thing to our own mindset, really It's just that, y'know, we can't actually go make a deal with the faeries when there's something we can't figure out Which brings me to an interesting thought about the ubiquitous rule about never eating the faery food lest you find yourself forever unsatisfied with anything in the human world- and the potential parallels to the dangers of feeding wildlife human food lest they become addicted and too tame and dependent to be safe for either themselves or us. Hmm.) sapphicaquarius Okay, but that last bit with the Fae... makes almost perfect sense Of the stories I've read, the food of the Fae, its origins and effects, are often strange and/or obscure- Just like our food to most animals. The Fae are strange beings that seem to know weird things that give them power or an edge over us.- Just like us to animals. The Fae work and live by strange rules also ofen nonsensical or obscure to us Just like us to animals. The Fae can easily obtain vast amounts of things we consider rare/precious/desireable, and have no problem with dishing it out wantonly for no other reason than amusement.- Just like us to animals. The Fae sometimes are amused by having us around, but only on their terms and IF it amuses/intrigues them.- Just like us to animals. GUYS, I SENSE A PATTERN.... -they have arcane social conventions and the punishment for not paying the correct respects right is banishment, if you're lucky, and death if you're not -they have wild and unexpected parties where you'd least expect to find them, but if you're bold enough to entertain them they'll feed you and caress you and play with you all night time runs strangely in their realm. their homes are summeriands: warm and bright, no matter the season. there is always fruit on their tables. but not everyone who comes in from the cold is let back out again. -their games are cruel and complex and unfair, but if you can beat them by their own rules you will access riches beyond imagining. sometimes they just fucking fuck with you, the fuckheads -they will absolutely steal your children away. when your children return-if they ever do-they will come back strange. they will know things they shouldn't. they won't know things that they should. your strange children might survive, might even prosper, might take wives and husbands and have children of their own but they will always be marked by their time away from your world. the price for pissing them off is always death. sometimes just you. sometimes your whole community if you are very good, and very smart, and very brave, they will grant your wish. oceaxereturns My eyes just got wider and wider the further down I read. Source:prokopetz #story feels #fae 71,904 notes Humans are the urban fae
Save
Bad, Children, and Fire: IS HE DOING IT ON PURPOSE? When a client of mine tells me that he became abusive because he lost control of himself, I ask him why he didn't do something even worse. For example, I might say, "You called her a fucking whore, you grabbed the phone out of her hand and whipped it across the room, and then you gave her a shove and she fell down. There she was at your feet, where it would have been easy to kick her in the head. Now, you have just finished telling me that you were 'totally out of control' at that time, but you didn't kick her. What stopped you?" And the client can always give me a reason. Here are some common explanations "I wouldn't want to cause her a serious njury. " "I realized one of the children was watching." "I was afraid someone would call the police." "I could kill her ifI did that." "The fight was getting loud, and I was afraid neighbors would hear." And the most frequent response of all: "Jesus, I wouldn 't do that. I would never do something like that to her." The response that I almost never heard-I remember hearing it twice in fifteen years-was: "I don't know." These ready answers strip the cover off of my clients' loss-of-control excuse. While a man is on an abusive rampage, verbally or physically, his mind maintains awareness of a number of questions: "Am I doing something that other people could find out about, so it could make me look bad? Am I doing anything that could get me in legal trouble? Could I get hurt myself? Am I doing anything that I myself consider too cruel gross, or violent?" A critical insight seeped into me from working with my first few dozen clients: An abuser almost never does anything that he himself con siders morally unacceptable. He may hide what he does because he thinks other people would disagree with it, but he feels justified inside. I can't remember a client ever having said to me: ""There's no way I can defend what I did. It was just totally wrong." He invariably has a reason that he considers good enough. In short, an abuser's core problem is that he has a distorted sense of right and wrong. sergle: i’m reading why does he do that and this last part has been ON FIRE, i am hollering in my house.
Save
Be Like, Complex, and Fail: renehta: Rick Sanchez, Don Draper, and BoJack Horseman are three examples of a popular male character trope: the intelligent, talented, toxic, disconnected, detached man who fails to connect with others and is consistently and wildly self destructive in his quest to fill an emotional void with anything but human connection. The problem with this character archetype lies with the fans, insofar as a lot of people, a specific subset of men in particular, miss the entire point of the character. They’re so easily sucked in by the flashy veneer of masculine bravado on the surface of these damaged characters that they fail to understand why the characters are presented this way: you do not want to be like them. You are not supposed to identify with them positively or see them as someone to emulate, you are not supposed to sincerely root for them to win most of the time, they are antiheros. In spite of being the protagonist Rick, Don, and BoJack are almost never the “good guy” in any given scenario, they are almost always selfishly motivated, and explicitly harming innocent people for their own gain. The rare moments of redemption usually don’t last. Idolizing and lionizing these characters as an ideal or something to aspire to entirely misses the concept of the characters, and worse, celebrates behavior that is explicitly shown to be toxic and harmful. If you identify as “a Rick” then the entire concept of the show has gone completely over your head. The creators of all three shows position their characters clearly, and get more blatant with each season. To be clear, seeing negative traits in yourself and identifying with the struggle to improve them, or wanting these characters to change and grow is not what we’re referring to here, but rather the explicit support for and celebration of these characters as they are. This isn’t even a critique of the characters themselves. All of whom are well written, interesting, and complex, but rather it’s a critique of how we see and interpret these characters. This archetype applies to many characters like Sherlock, House, and Archer, and is also mirrored in family members like Beth to Rick or Mycroft to Sherlock. Liking these characters is fine. Enjoying them ia fine, but acknowledge what they are.

renehta: Rick Sanchez, Don Draper, and BoJack Horseman are three examples of a popular male character trope: the intelligent, talented, to...

Save
Bane, Money, and Nerd: citizen-zero So in lore, vampires have this trait that l've almost never seen used, and that's the fact that vampires are OBSESSED with counting things. Like, the Count on Sesame Street was almost certainly created specifically as a vampire because of this piece of lore Like, I read this vampire book years and years ago that explained that a surefire way to protect yourself from vampires getting into your house was to spread a ton of seeds on your doorst particularly recommended for the purpose. Basically, if you suspected someone to be a vampire, all you had to do was drop a sackful of seeds on the ground in front of them. ep-poppy and mustard seeds were If they didn't immediately start counting them, they were not a vampire However, if they WERE a vampire, they'd be seized with the urge to count all the seeds and they would not budge from that spot until they knew how many seeds there were in total. The point was to keep them there until the sun came up and killed them, because if they hadn't counted all the seeds by sunrise they wouldn't be able to leave. Presumably you could just go about the rest of your evening as normal, though no word on whether it's possible to make them lose count and start over. Having remembered this piece of lore, I want fewer stories about brooding tortured Edward Cullen-esque vampires. I want to start seeing more stories about math nerd vampires Vampire accountants who are an honest company's best asset and a corrupt company's bane because they are frighteningly accurate with the accounts and will not hesitate to blow the whistle on a CEO s you for making the numbers camming money because fuck wrong Vampire cashiers that don't need to look at the register screen because they already mentally calculated your total. 10-items-or-less vampires who know goddamn well you have 20 items in that basket and NO, you cannot just slip in with the rest Vampire math tutors who are constantly in high demand and have to hold lotteries to see who gets to be tutored by them. MATH NERD VAMPIRES klondikeaura If anyone would like the term for this, it's arithmomania Text Source: citizen-zero #Vampire #Math 22,246 notes OCD Vampiresomg-humor.tumblr.com
Save