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Very planned Parenthood: The Turkey Story So it's 2001, and my family drives from fu California and like three blizzards to get to Ohio for into a nursing home and it's their last holiday in that house. So its a bit bittersweet but ultimately a good thing. Since it's their last holiday there, the family pulls out all the stops when it comes to dinner, all the Russian desserts come out, as does the Lethal Bacon Mashed Potatoes and the horrible candied yams with the mini marshmallows dish because not all expressions of love are even if they are si In the spirit of going alout, Uncle Bobby smokes a Turkey Uncle Bobby started cooking as a boy foil-wrapped potatoes into a campfire and has been ad- dicted since, and now has a hand-made smokehouse in the backyard where he makes various cured meats and other delights. He seasons the turkey in the traditional manner, but he and grandpa have a shared passion for SO Game Hen seasoned that way, for them. Then Bobby has a Brilliant Idea. He realizes that he can stuff the turkey (once it has been smoked) with regular stuffing, and there is still plenty of room for him to put the game hen inside THAT, and stuff the game hen be- cuase why not? He confers with Mom, and she explains how to cut open the turkey so there's dramatic reveal as the stuffing and game hen come out. It's Genius. Except, of course, that my Aunt Sue is attending, Uncle Cliff s after her So the day of the dinner, tensions are running a bit high, between the marathon cooking, the kids al being trapped indoors due to aforementioned blizzards, and Uncle Cliff deciding that the best way to amuse himself is by hiding from the adults in the basement, getting drunk and rambling about how various ethic groups were destroying America. Being that I had close Muslim friends that were leaving the country becuase of 9/11, 1 was near tears from this nonsense and ready to n roughly five times my size. Sue, for some reason, keeps coming down and defending him, or telling us we're rotten children for 'attacking him, becuase she Must Stand By Her Man, even if her man is a hefty bag of dog feces with an ugly mustache My sister eventually boits upstairs to tattle and my grandfather limps down to the basement and brandishes his Hip Bone Cane, hands rock-steady in spite of the Parkinson's slowly taking over him. Firstly Cliff, It may not be my roof much longer but while you are under it you will be civil, or Ill beat your skull in. Also, dinner's ready, everyone go wash up. We go upstairs and sit down, and do the traditional "Name one thing you're thankful for as the bread gets passed around the table, and things calm down a bit. Bobby brings out the Turkey and everyone goes OOH becuase it's really pretty, them Mom carves it open so that the stuffing spills out dramatically along with the game hen and there's an appreciative gasp all around becuase it looks cool. Only Sue KEEPS gasping, in utter horror, before getting up and clasping her hands to her face ala Edvard Munch and shrieks OH MY GOD IT WAS PREGNANTI We all stare at Sue. We all look back at the fully-dressed-cooked-and-stuffed birds that in no way had any internal organs in them or ever gave live birth Then we all looked back at Sue, trying to figure out where to begin but since shed been trying to justify Cliffs behavior she was pretty much free-associating conspiracies and scandals now, and just kept going. IT WAS PREGNANT MY GOD WE'VE COMMITTED AN ABORTION WE'RE ALL GOING TO HELL FOR THIS, I'M SO SORRY JESUS She goes into full pearl-clutching gibbering horror at this point and falls back into her chair like it's a Victorian fainting couch only it's a shitty chair from the Eisenhower administration so it collapses and she slams into the floor, sobbing and kicking her feet like a toddler Everyone watched for a moment before my Mom sighs heavily and starts carving and serving the turkey while my grandmother mouths she's not coming back Cliff, reactions delayed by about six beers, finally notices his wife is on the floor and tries to pick her up, are assisted by Dad, who is saintly patient man and less immune to this jacknapery at that point. I am stuffing dinner rolls into my face to keep from laughing at this grand spectacle ICANT EAT IT, I REFUSE TO PARTAKE IN THIS BARBARISM Sue begins but Dad puts on his best Kindly Father voice (he was heavily involved with the catholic church and even considered becoming a priest before getting drafted but that's another story)and assures Sue that she need not eat, or even be in the room if she wants. She nods, placated by being the center of attention again, and Dad goes in for the kill. I wouldn't want you to go hungry. Can I make you some That would be lovely." Said Sue, joke flying over her ng 747. I recall watching my grandmot her nearly choke to death on the green beans over that, and everyone pointedly trying to avoid talking about anything poultry-related while Sue sat there and ate the most ironic scrambled eggs in the history of mankind. Shortly thereafter, Cliff threw up in the sink and they went home, and the party got underway properly, with Grandpa raising a toast to Mom and Uncle Bobby For t Turkey has been an staple since then. I'll see if I can hit Uncle Bobby up for instructions but if you decide to make it 1. you HAVE to shriek "OH MY GOD IT WAS PREGNANT when you carve it open, or it's not authentic and won't taste as good 2. Share the pictures with me, Very planned Parenthood
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propertyofpoeandbucky: coolfayebunny: mysharona1987: glendathegoodone: mysharona1987: mysharona1987: uomo-accattivante: Il materiale di origine: ArtisanNewsService (YouTube) “I was laughing when I saw Oscar in the new ‘Star Wars’ trailer. When we had a premiere of ‘The Nativity Story’ at the Vatican, 2,000 nuns had crushes on him.“ - Catherine Hardwicke Ok, I don’t feel so bad now about Hot Joseph. Can you imagine how many times the nuns had to go to Confession after seeing Oscar at the premiere? 🙏🏼😂😂😂 #myedit HOT JOSEPH~! being an actual thing will never not amuse me. Even the NUNS liked him! 😂😂😂😂 I eventually got around to watching it. No, no…Joseph should not be so alluring and a hunk. I was a Catholic girl. But I think that was the director’s intention? We really needed a scene of him waking up from a biblical vision all topless and sweaty? Really? And he will still stand by Mary because, well, he’s so honourable and kind and has to protect her from stoning and scandal, dammit! Hardwicke knew exactly what she was doing in that film, imo. The fact is he’s hot, he’s playing Joseph. What’s not to love? The holiday season is among us people! That means HOT JOSEPH! : propertyofpoeandbucky: coolfayebunny: mysharona1987: glendathegoodone: mysharona1987: mysharona1987: uomo-accattivante: Il materiale di origine: ArtisanNewsService (YouTube) “I was laughing when I saw Oscar in the new ‘Star Wars’ trailer. When we had a premiere of ‘The Nativity Story’ at the Vatican, 2,000 nuns had crushes on him.“ - Catherine Hardwicke Ok, I don’t feel so bad now about Hot Joseph. Can you imagine how many times the nuns had to go to Confession after seeing Oscar at the premiere? 🙏🏼😂😂😂 #myedit HOT JOSEPH~! being an actual thing will never not amuse me. Even the NUNS liked him! 😂😂😂😂 I eventually got around to watching it. No, no…Joseph should not be so alluring and a hunk. I was a Catholic girl. But I think that was the director’s intention? We really needed a scene of him waking up from a biblical vision all topless and sweaty? Really? And he will still stand by Mary because, well, he’s so honourable and kind and has to protect her from stoning and scandal, dammit! Hardwicke knew exactly what she was doing in that film, imo. The fact is he’s hot, he’s playing Joseph. What’s not to love? The holiday season is among us people! That means HOT JOSEPH!

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<p><a href="http://daryltakahashi.tumblr.com/post/165767145525/libertarirynn-bird-big-simonalkenmayer" class="tumblr_blog">daryltakahashi</a>:</p><blockquote> <p><a href="https://libertarirynn.tumblr.com/post/165747658929/bird-big-simonalkenmayer-xodollfacexo" class="tumblr_blog">libertarirynn</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a href="http://bird-big.tumblr.com/post/165738071661/simonalkenmayer-xodollfacexo" class="tumblr_blog">bird-big</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a href="https://simonalkenmayer.tumblr.com/post/165737826009/xodollfacexo-dickscentedroses" class="tumblr_blog">simonalkenmayer</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a href="https://xodollfacexo.tumblr.com/post/165646618179/dickscentedroses-mainmanblackdynamite" class="tumblr_blog">xodollfacexo</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a href="https://dickscentedroses.tumblr.com/post/165629232162/mainmanblackdynamite-thighetician" class="tumblr_blog">dickscentedroses</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a href="http://mainmanblackdynamite.tumblr.com/post/165628568911/thighetician-kingjaffejoffer" class="tumblr_blog">mainmanblackdynamite</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a href="https://thighetician.tumblr.com/post/165627387975/kingjaffejoffer-fatrolldarksouls" class="tumblr_blog">thighetician</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a href="http://kingjaffejoffer.tumblr.com/post/165627291474/fatrolldarksouls-colachampagnedad" class="tumblr_blog">kingjaffejoffer</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a href="https://fatrolldarksouls.tumblr.com/post/165626667484/colachampagnedad-kingjaffejoffer" class="tumblr_blog">fatrolldarksouls</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a href="http://colachampagnedad.com/post/165624938730/kingjaffejoffer-roundedtaurus" class="tumblr_blog">colachampagnedad</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a href="http://kingjaffejoffer.tumblr.com/post/165621493304/roundedtaurus-kingjaffejoffer" class="tumblr_blog">kingjaffejoffer</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a href="http://roundedtaurus.tumblr.com/post/165608725006/kingjaffejoffer-coldestttsummerr" class="tumblr_blog">roundedtaurus</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a href="http://kingjaffejoffer.tumblr.com/post/165599326879/coldestttsummerr-stimsbian-by" class="tumblr_blog">kingjaffejoffer</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a href="http://coldestttsummerr.tumblr.com/post/165573289115/stimsbian-by-massababistro-his-hands" class="tumblr_blog">coldestttsummerr</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a href="https://stimsbian.tumblr.com/post/164476125867/by-massababistro" class="tumblr_blog">stimsbian</a>:</p> <blockquote><p>🌬 by massa_babistro 🌬</p></blockquote> <p>his hands ain’t cold?</p> </blockquote> <p>Thats cool and all, but they really could have just used one of these</p> <figure class="tmblr-full" data-orig-height="312" data-orig-width="540" data-orig-src="https://78.media.tumblr.com/d85fbf6c2b7bbd30e19b9e76b65de721/tumblr_inline_owvamwqHK31rw09tq_540.jpg"><img src="https://78.media.tumblr.com/3abce456226084a1db011bf552e0fa05/tumblr_inline_owwlmimtpw1rw09tq_540.jpg" data-orig-height="312" data-orig-width="540" data-orig-src="https://78.media.tumblr.com/d85fbf6c2b7bbd30e19b9e76b65de721/tumblr_inline_owvamwqHK31rw09tq_540.jpg"/></figure></blockquote> <p>No, because this is a service you get at a bar. It’s nice to have someone do this for you because they know the exact size of the glass/ how much whisky you’re getting. </p> <p>ALSO BELEIVE IT OR NOT YOU PLEBIANS DONT KNOW THAT the truth is that the quality of your ice plays greatly into the way your drink tastes!!!! </p> <p>These guys get the dope ass ice that’s imported and soft that’s meant for carving and it’s c r y s t a l clear.</p> <p>If you’re drinking shitty ice cube molds from bottled/ tap water ur drinking cheap whisky ☕️</p> </blockquote> <p>It’s impossible for me to have rolled my eyes any harder at all of this.</p> <p><br/></p> <p>“BUT THE ICE THAT’S GOING TO BE SUBMERGED IN YOUR DRINK IS CLEAR”</p> </blockquote> <p>“If you’re drinking shitty ice cube molds from bottled/ tap water ur drinking cheap whiskey”</p> <p><br/></p> <h2>so be it, make me the cheapest shit you got im just here to get turnt.</h2> <figure class="tmblr-full" data-orig-height="280" data-orig-width="500" data-orig-src="https://78.media.tumblr.com/f30108e39084dcd015aee0f89a018e2d/tumblr_inline_owvamwiPBj1rw09tq_540.gif"><img src="https://78.media.tumblr.com/f30108e39084dcd015aee0f89a018e2d/tumblr_inline_owwlmiQxuw1rw09tq_540.gif" data-orig-height="280" data-orig-width="500" data-orig-src="https://78.media.tumblr.com/f30108e39084dcd015aee0f89a018e2d/tumblr_inline_owvamwiPBj1rw09tq_540.gif"/></figure></blockquote> <p>The attitude towards the bartenders labor is what separates the wealthy and cultured from the poor. The rich drink to enjoy alcohol, the poor drink to forget their shitty lives. Either way I prefer my drinks with a show, I dont mind paying more for finely sculpted ice.</p> </blockquote> <p>It keeps getting worse with each reblog </p> </blockquote> <p>Fatrolldarksouls thinks he’s a part of the bourgeois by virtue of getting drunk at the local Benihana resteraunt</p> </blockquote> <p>😂😂😂😂😂</p> </blockquote> <p>LMFAOOOOOO</p> </blockquote> <p>This thread is so incredibly enjoyable </p> </blockquote> <p>Also…take it from someone with enough money to buy these things…</p> <p>It is all complete rubbish.</p> <p>First of all, if you’re drinking an expensive, single barrel, aged whisky, scotch, bourbon, whiskey with ice in it…I will cut your throat and have mine with your blood in it, you tasteless scum. Why? Because that is a hand crafted thing made with time and the effort of generations, and you’ve just watered it down. What’s the matter with you? Do you water down your milk too? Are you an infant?</p> <p>The fact is that water and ice do different hings to these spirits, but you have to know what you’re mucking with. A FEW DROPS of water is all that is required to bring down the strength of the whiskey and open up the aromatics. Secondly, while that giant globe of ice might chill the spirit down swiftly, and water the alcohol content down so that it is more easily imbibed, it fills and flattens the flavor.</p> <p>Secondly, while the water you use to alter whiskey should be pure (mineralogy really does change the flavor) you can make an ice cube from a silicone mold and be just as happy, you complete sod.</p> <p>Thirdly, if you are taking one finger of an Islay and putting it over a giant globe of ice…I will shove the whole thing down your throat. Use a chilled unleaded crystal tumbler or marble ice cubes. If you cannot take the heat of the product, then don’t drink it. Half of the tasting notes come from the spirit evaporating in the mouth. You’d be smarter to try drinking it from a heated glass like cognac, Armagnac, and so on than adding water to it. Allow the spirit to heat and the evaporation of the alcohol to fill the sinus.</p> <p>If you are going to invest money in a hung, know that thing. Be respectful of it. Don’t hire some poor sod to outfit you with a hand cut piece of nouveau riche stupidity that makes you feel like you’re actually sharing in an appropriated tradition. Otherwise someone like myself will turn that hefty shaved ball into a weapon and drink scotch over your corpse.</p> <p>And might I point out, you ridiculous idiots with your flagrant spending designed to distract you from your own mortality and grievous lack of intellect, that these traditions of spirit making all originated in the pot and tower stills of poor farmers and rural chaps. It did not originate in a crystal palace of privilege.</p> <p>You are not refined because you throw good money at a thing and then ruin it with stupidity. You are not wise because you pay someone to destroy your liquor. You are not better than anyone because you drink to enjoy the taste, and oh yes, happen to experience the precise thing for which the distillate was intended. You are no better than any other person, and you have no right to presume that simply because you have seen a gloved ice cube in a Bond film, it makes you classy.</p> <p>You’re a rich idiot. Not a connesieur who knows when to invest in a fine thing.</p> </blockquote> <p>anyone in this thread smoke weed</p> </blockquote> <p>If not y'all should try some to mellow the fuck out.</p> </blockquote> <p>Things are heating up in the alcohol fandom</p> </blockquote> <p>It’s even funnier if you read their bio: </p><blockquote><p>I am a very old monster., or I suppose the correct term is “Anthropophagic cryptid”. Yes, a real one. No, not an artistic creation or a plea for attention. I eat humans. I write about it. And for some reason, people find it amusing. Probably because you’re not quite right in the head. I am not a cannibal; I would never eat my own species. You may call me Simon or Simone if you like; I don’t have a biological sex that I know of, so use whatever pronouns you like. You can expect to see me post regularly about history, food, politics, civil rights, philosophy, some fashion or antiques, and possibly things of a darkly comedic or horrifying bent. I’m not here to amuse you or to prove what I am. I am here to interact and gather data. And possibly make friends with the polite ones, though those are sometimes difficult to find. This Tumblr blog is but one part of my extensive and ongoing social media/publishing experiment to demonstrate how humanity is killing itself with fiction. I can do this, you see, because I exist, but you are desensitized and find me silly, especially here on Tumblr, where the Otherkin run amok. I invite you to read my “about” page to better understand the experiment I am conducting, 
If you have an “ask”, you may pose it anonymously, though if you vex me, there will be consequences. 
I organize most “asks” by reblogging them onto a secondary blog @monstrousfaq, which it may help you to peruse, if you have a question that is likely to have been asked by someone else. My website 
My published works</p></blockquote>: <p><a href="http://daryltakahashi.tumblr.com/post/165767145525/libertarirynn-bird-big-simonalkenmayer" class="tumblr_blog">daryltakahashi</a>:</p><blockquote> <p><a href="https://libertarirynn.tumblr.com/post/165747658929/bird-big-simonalkenmayer-xodollfacexo" class="tumblr_blog">libertarirynn</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a href="http://bird-big.tumblr.com/post/165738071661/simonalkenmayer-xodollfacexo" class="tumblr_blog">bird-big</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a href="https://simonalkenmayer.tumblr.com/post/165737826009/xodollfacexo-dickscentedroses" class="tumblr_blog">simonalkenmayer</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a href="https://xodollfacexo.tumblr.com/post/165646618179/dickscentedroses-mainmanblackdynamite" class="tumblr_blog">xodollfacexo</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a href="https://dickscentedroses.tumblr.com/post/165629232162/mainmanblackdynamite-thighetician" class="tumblr_blog">dickscentedroses</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a href="http://mainmanblackdynamite.tumblr.com/post/165628568911/thighetician-kingjaffejoffer" class="tumblr_blog">mainmanblackdynamite</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a href="https://thighetician.tumblr.com/post/165627387975/kingjaffejoffer-fatrolldarksouls" class="tumblr_blog">thighetician</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a href="http://kingjaffejoffer.tumblr.com/post/165627291474/fatrolldarksouls-colachampagnedad" class="tumblr_blog">kingjaffejoffer</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a href="https://fatrolldarksouls.tumblr.com/post/165626667484/colachampagnedad-kingjaffejoffer" class="tumblr_blog">fatrolldarksouls</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a href="http://colachampagnedad.com/post/165624938730/kingjaffejoffer-roundedtaurus" class="tumblr_blog">colachampagnedad</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a href="http://kingjaffejoffer.tumblr.com/post/165621493304/roundedtaurus-kingjaffejoffer" class="tumblr_blog">kingjaffejoffer</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a href="http://roundedtaurus.tumblr.com/post/165608725006/kingjaffejoffer-coldestttsummerr" class="tumblr_blog">roundedtaurus</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a href="http://kingjaffejoffer.tumblr.com/post/165599326879/coldestttsummerr-stimsbian-by" class="tumblr_blog">kingjaffejoffer</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a href="http://coldestttsummerr.tumblr.com/post/165573289115/stimsbian-by-massababistro-his-hands" class="tumblr_blog">coldestttsummerr</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a href="https://stimsbian.tumblr.com/post/164476125867/by-massababistro" class="tumblr_blog">stimsbian</a>:</p> <blockquote><p>🌬 by massa_babistro 🌬</p></blockquote> <p>his hands ain’t cold?</p> </blockquote> <p>Thats cool and all, but they really could have just used one of these</p> <figure class="tmblr-full" data-orig-height="312" data-orig-width="540" data-orig-src="https://78.media.tumblr.com/d85fbf6c2b7bbd30e19b9e76b65de721/tumblr_inline_owvamwqHK31rw09tq_540.jpg"><img src="https://78.media.tumblr.com/3abce456226084a1db011bf552e0fa05/tumblr_inline_owwlmimtpw1rw09tq_540.jpg" data-orig-height="312" data-orig-width="540" data-orig-src="https://78.media.tumblr.com/d85fbf6c2b7bbd30e19b9e76b65de721/tumblr_inline_owvamwqHK31rw09tq_540.jpg"/></figure></blockquote> <p>No, because this is a service you get at a bar. It’s nice to have someone do this for you because they know the exact size of the glass/ how much whisky you’re getting. </p> <p>ALSO BELEIVE IT OR NOT YOU PLEBIANS DONT KNOW THAT the truth is that the quality of your ice plays greatly into the way your drink tastes!!!! </p> <p>These guys get the dope ass ice that’s imported and soft that’s meant for carving and it’s c r y s t a l clear.</p> <p>If you’re drinking shitty ice cube molds from bottled/ tap water ur drinking cheap whisky ☕️</p> </blockquote> <p>It’s impossible for me to have rolled my eyes any harder at all of this.</p> <p><br/></p> <p>“BUT THE ICE THAT’S GOING TO BE SUBMERGED IN YOUR DRINK IS CLEAR”</p> </blockquote> <p>“If you’re drinking shitty ice cube molds from bottled/ tap water ur drinking cheap whiskey”</p> <p><br/></p> <h2>so be it, make me the cheapest shit you got im just here to get turnt.</h2> <figure class="tmblr-full" data-orig-height="280" data-orig-width="500" data-orig-src="https://78.media.tumblr.com/f30108e39084dcd015aee0f89a018e2d/tumblr_inline_owvamwiPBj1rw09tq_540.gif"><img src="https://78.media.tumblr.com/f30108e39084dcd015aee0f89a018e2d/tumblr_inline_owwlmiQxuw1rw09tq_540.gif" data-orig-height="280" data-orig-width="500" data-orig-src="https://78.media.tumblr.com/f30108e39084dcd015aee0f89a018e2d/tumblr_inline_owvamwiPBj1rw09tq_540.gif"/></figure></blockquote> <p>The attitude towards the bartenders labor is what separates the wealthy and cultured from the poor. The rich drink to enjoy alcohol, the poor drink to forget their shitty lives. Either way I prefer my drinks with a show, I dont mind paying more for finely sculpted ice.</p> </blockquote> <p>It keeps getting worse with each reblog </p> </blockquote> <p>Fatrolldarksouls thinks he’s a part of the bourgeois by virtue of getting drunk at the local Benihana resteraunt</p> </blockquote> <p>😂😂😂😂😂</p> </blockquote> <p>LMFAOOOOOO</p> </blockquote> <p>This thread is so incredibly enjoyable </p> </blockquote> <p>Also…take it from someone with enough money to buy these things…</p> <p>It is all complete rubbish.</p> <p>First of all, if you’re drinking an expensive, single barrel, aged whisky, scotch, bourbon, whiskey with ice in it…I will cut your throat and have mine with your blood in it, you tasteless scum. Why? Because that is a hand crafted thing made with time and the effort of generations, and you’ve just watered it down. What’s the matter with you? Do you water down your milk too? Are you an infant?</p> <p>The fact is that water and ice do different hings to these spirits, but you have to know what you’re mucking with. A FEW DROPS of water is all that is required to bring down the strength of the whiskey and open up the aromatics. Secondly, while that giant globe of ice might chill the spirit down swiftly, and water the alcohol content down so that it is more easily imbibed, it fills and flattens the flavor.</p> <p>Secondly, while the water you use to alter whiskey should be pure (mineralogy really does change the flavor) you can make an ice cube from a silicone mold and be just as happy, you complete sod.</p> <p>Thirdly, if you are taking one finger of an Islay and putting it over a giant globe of ice…I will shove the whole thing down your throat. Use a chilled unleaded crystal tumbler or marble ice cubes. If you cannot take the heat of the product, then don’t drink it. Half of the tasting notes come from the spirit evaporating in the mouth. You’d be smarter to try drinking it from a heated glass like cognac, Armagnac, and so on than adding water to it. Allow the spirit to heat and the evaporation of the alcohol to fill the sinus.</p> <p>If you are going to invest money in a hung, know that thing. Be respectful of it. Don’t hire some poor sod to outfit you with a hand cut piece of nouveau riche stupidity that makes you feel like you’re actually sharing in an appropriated tradition. Otherwise someone like myself will turn that hefty shaved ball into a weapon and drink scotch over your corpse.</p> <p>And might I point out, you ridiculous idiots with your flagrant spending designed to distract you from your own mortality and grievous lack of intellect, that these traditions of spirit making all originated in the pot and tower stills of poor farmers and rural chaps. It did not originate in a crystal palace of privilege.</p> <p>You are not refined because you throw good money at a thing and then ruin it with stupidity. You are not wise because you pay someone to destroy your liquor. You are not better than anyone because you drink to enjoy the taste, and oh yes, happen to experience the precise thing for which the distillate was intended. You are no better than any other person, and you have no right to presume that simply because you have seen a gloved ice cube in a Bond film, it makes you classy.</p> <p>You’re a rich idiot. Not a connesieur who knows when to invest in a fine thing.</p> </blockquote> <p>anyone in this thread smoke weed</p> </blockquote> <p>If not y'all should try some to mellow the fuck out.</p> </blockquote> <p>Things are heating up in the alcohol fandom</p> </blockquote> <p>It’s even funnier if you read their bio: </p><blockquote><p>I am a very old monster., or I suppose the correct term is “Anthropophagic cryptid”. Yes, a real one. No, not an artistic creation or a plea for attention. I eat humans. I write about it. And for some reason, people find it amusing. Probably because you’re not quite right in the head. I am not a cannibal; I would never eat my own species. You may call me Simon or Simone if you like; I don’t have a biological sex that I know of, so use whatever pronouns you like. You can expect to see me post regularly about history, food, politics, civil rights, philosophy, some fashion or antiques, and possibly things of a darkly comedic or horrifying bent. I’m not here to amuse you or to prove what I am. I am here to interact and gather data. And possibly make friends with the polite ones, though those are sometimes difficult to find. This Tumblr blog is but one part of my extensive and ongoing social media/publishing experiment to demonstrate how humanity is killing itself with fiction. I can do this, you see, because I exist, but you are desensitized and find me silly, especially here on Tumblr, where the Otherkin run amok. I invite you to read my “about” page to better understand the experiment I am conducting, 
If you have an “ask”, you may pose it anonymously, though if you vex me, there will be consequences. 
I organize most “asks” by reblogging them onto a secondary blog @monstrousfaq, which it may help you to peruse, if you have a question that is likely to have been asked by someone else. My website 
My published works</p></blockquote>
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<p><a class="tumblr_blog" href="http://whymoffatwhy.tumblr.com/post/48130020720/frozenrevolutionary" target="_blank">whymoffatwhy</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a class="tumblr_blog" href="http://frozenrevolutionary.tumblr.com/post/34475620984/internalfrontierseternalidealist" target="_blank">frozenrevolutionary</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a class="tumblr_blog" href="http://internalfrontierseternalidealist.tumblr.com/post/34384169365/frozenrevolutionary-this-is-the-greatest-thing" target="_blank">internalfrontierseternalidealist</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a class="tumblr_blog" href="http://frozenrevolutionary.tumblr.com/post/33128015121/this-is-the-greatest-thing-ive-seen-in-a-long" target="_blank">frozenrevolutionary</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p>This is the greatest thing I’ve seen in a long time.</p> </blockquote> <p>Great Britain and its politics never fails to amuse.</p> </blockquote> <p>Sometimes I get sad. Then this comes across my dash again.</p> </blockquote> <p>This is why I love my country.</p> </blockquote>: Frankie Boyle IN SCOTLAND WE HAVE MIXED FEELINGS ABOUT GLOBAL WARMING, BECAUSE WE WILL GET TO SIT ON THE MOUNTAINS AND WATCH THE ENGLISH DROWN <p><a class="tumblr_blog" href="http://whymoffatwhy.tumblr.com/post/48130020720/frozenrevolutionary" target="_blank">whymoffatwhy</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a class="tumblr_blog" href="http://frozenrevolutionary.tumblr.com/post/34475620984/internalfrontierseternalidealist" target="_blank">frozenrevolutionary</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a class="tumblr_blog" href="http://internalfrontierseternalidealist.tumblr.com/post/34384169365/frozenrevolutionary-this-is-the-greatest-thing" target="_blank">internalfrontierseternalidealist</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a class="tumblr_blog" href="http://frozenrevolutionary.tumblr.com/post/33128015121/this-is-the-greatest-thing-ive-seen-in-a-long" target="_blank">frozenrevolutionary</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p>This is the greatest thing I’ve seen in a long time.</p> </blockquote> <p>Great Britain and its politics never fails to amuse.</p> </blockquote> <p>Sometimes I get sad. Then this comes across my dash again.</p> </blockquote> <p>This is why I love my country.</p> </blockquote>

<p><a class="tumblr_blog" href="http://whymoffatwhy.tumblr.com/post/48130020720/frozenrevolutionary" target="_blank">whymoffatwhy</a>:</p...

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the-blogging-alchemist: thecartist: amuse-alittlemuse: star-e-skies: lovinitmorethanmcdonalds: there’s so much i don’t understand about this picture I’ve decided to reblog this every time I see it until it makes sense. Wow really isnt it obvious? Clearly this young man was on his way to a fancy event, where he had to patch up a fancy gown (tailor-er) but he was in such a rush that he forgot to look both ways while crossing the street, and was almost hit by an UPS truck!!! Luckily the driver swerved out of the way just in time, but the truck spun out of control! The tailor used his wit to quickly sew a large lasso so the truck was not submerged fully into the water. This young man and his trusty sewing machine sidekick are worthy of everyones respect!!! I don’t No, here’s what’s wrong with the picture: The grass is neon green.: the-blogging-alchemist: thecartist: amuse-alittlemuse: star-e-skies: lovinitmorethanmcdonalds: there’s so much i don’t understand about this picture I’ve decided to reblog this every time I see it until it makes sense. Wow really isnt it obvious? Clearly this young man was on his way to a fancy event, where he had to patch up a fancy gown (tailor-er) but he was in such a rush that he forgot to look both ways while crossing the street, and was almost hit by an UPS truck!!! Luckily the driver swerved out of the way just in time, but the truck spun out of control! The tailor used his wit to quickly sew a large lasso so the truck was not submerged fully into the water. This young man and his trusty sewing machine sidekick are worthy of everyones respect!!! I don’t No, here’s what’s wrong with the picture: The grass is neon green.

the-blogging-alchemist: thecartist: amuse-alittlemuse: star-e-skies: lovinitmorethanmcdonalds: there’s so much i don’t understand ab...

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