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Amazon, Bored, and Children: Aspen: L x My Drive X How did X M Inbox (3 x 9) Promote X O paws.kettering.edu/-jhuggins/humor/essay.html * Apps * Bookmarks Planoo % This is an essay written by Hugh Gallagher when applying to New York University He graduated from NYU in May 1994 In 1995, thas esay was reprinted in The Guardian Imported From IE The Ut % A Pinkerton Academy Turmitin-Originalit. Adisplay jmage.chp Are there arny significant experiences you have had, or accomplishments you have realised, that have helped to defina you as a person? Cer bockeaes I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice. I have been known to remodel train stations on my lunch breaks, makng them mocse efficient in the area of heat retention. I translate ethnic slurs for Cuban refugees, I write award-winning operas, I manage time efficiendy. Occasonally 1 tread water for three days in a row. I woo women with my sensuous and god-like trombone playing. I can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed, and l cook ThiryMinute Brownies in 20 minutes. I am an expert in stucco, a veteran in love and an outlaw in Peru. Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, I once single-bhandedly defended a small village in the Amazon Basin from a borde of ferocious anmy ets1 play bluegrass cello...I am the subject of numerous documentaries. When Im bored, I build large suspension bridges in my yard. I eajoy urban hang- gliding. On Wednesdays, after school, I repair electrical appliances free of charge. I am an abstract artist, a concrete analyst, and a ruthless bookie. Critics worldwide swoon over my original line of corducoy evening wear. L cct peopre, I am a private citizen, yet I receive fan mail. Last summer I toured New Jersey with a travelling centrifugal force demonstration My deft Aloral arrangements have earned me fame in intermational botany circles. Children trust me. I can hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects with deadly accuracy. I once read Paradise Lost, Moby Dick, and David Copperfield in one day nd vil had time to refurbish an entire dining room that evening. I have performed several covert operations for the CIA I sleep once a week, whenI do sleep, 1 I balance, I wveave, I dodge, I frolic, and my bills are all paid. On weekends, to let off steam, I participate in full-contact origami Years ago, I discovered the meaning of life but forgot to write it down. I have made extraordinary four-course meals using only a mouli and a toaster oven. ibreed prize-wining sleep in a chair. While on vacation in Canada, I successfully negotiated with a group of terrorists who had seized a small bakery. The laws of physics do not apply to me. clams. I have won bullfights in San Juan, cliff-diving competitions in Sri Lanka, and spelling bees at the Kremlin. 1 have played Hamlet, I have perfioemed ATHL open heart surgery, and I have spoken with Elvis. But I have not yet gone to college. 1 AM 123209 Return to Jim Huggins' Humor Page last update: 26 December 1997 TCASSROOM HA OFN 7 This is a college app essay from 1994
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Survivor, Focus, and Good: Vigo Volante Lore: Before Benedict, Vigo was nothing. He was a creation of the realm that manipulated the minds of the corrupted, and broken the minds of many more. Vigo was different though, he was the embodiment of will. He was the creation of the very realm that his counterpart strived for years to enter. The split personality of Benedict Baker, he represented everything good about Benedict, splitting off benedict met the entity itself, consumed and corrupted by the horrid divinity and it's dark realm. The intense feeling of fear was so great that Benedict had to create a coping mechanism to deal with the overwhelming presence of the entity, thus Vigo was bom. When Vigo escaped from the soul of Benedict, he strove to become an expert in all things the entity. Perks: Hibernation - The extreme depth of knowledge that you have, allows you to delay the awakening of the entity, during the trial you can make it the first 1/1/2 survivors have to go through the entirety of the hook Process. "You will not wake, not yet." Displacement - Through extreme focus you can trick the entity and it's killers. If a killer has an aura tracking ability, your aura will be placed randomly on the map for 5/10/15 seconds, and has a cooldown of 240/180/120 seconds. "Silence, for they are blinded in their bloodlust." Force of Will - You are embodiment of willpower. Using your mind you can overpower the entity 1/1/1 time(s). By overpowering her, you can use the fog to change the trial at will, by procing on of three effects Restore one pallet on the map, You resist the Exposed Status Effect, When a killer picks you up you will instantly wiggle out “My will is stronger, I was born to be your downfall." Survivor Concept (Revised Version)

Survivor Concept (Revised Version)

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Amazon, Bad, and Confused: Hey Felix, since your Terraria gameplay was so bad in my eyes, here are some tips. item/count/where Craft the Amazon yoyo. It's super easy to craft and will serve you until you 8 kill the wall of flesh ! 2 *man eater. All materials can be found in the underground jungle. not to be 1 confused with snatcher Digging straight down to hell (yes, digging straight down) is an actually good idea in this game! You'll want a hellevator to get to hell quickly after each of your deaths. 3 Note that the spores glow green Yes, there is fall damage but you can prevent that with water at the bottom or Going down into the dungeon before killing skeletron is a good idea and will not get with cobwebs before getting an item to negate fall damage (like a lucky horseshoe, found in sky islands) down here you killed within seconds! You can kill voodoo demons for Guide Voodoo Dolls, which kills allow you to kill the guide manually or you can dump them into the lava in hell to instantly kill your guide! *note that dumping it in lava might have some side effects this guy Building a NPC prison like the image to the left will actually spawn NPCS, unlike your massive tower, which has to have all the floors separated by wooden platforms. Building a prison like this is the easiest way to access all your NPCS. There are only 22 NPCS that canmove in and so you should only build 22 houses. Some NPCS will sell different items if they're in a different biome. Keep the Witch doctor NPC in a jungle biome so he sells the leaf wings in hardmode at night (for 1 platinum, that's 100 gold coins) Make another world in EXPERT MODE for treasure bags!They contain the usual items in the drop pools, usually at higher rates, but also have an exclusive EXPERT ITEM. You cannot make a normal world into an expert mode world. The re are multiple exploits relating to the King Slime, but l think you'd be better off not knowing NOT ACTUALLY FISHING IS OVERPOWERED, THE REAVER SHARK IN GAME, ONLY CAN BE CAUGHTIN THE OCEAN AND IT'S THE ACCESSABLE EXACT SAME AS THE MOLTEN PICKAXE (BEST PRE HARDMODE PICKAXE) AND TAKES NEXT TO NO VIA INVENTORY EDITING AND EFFORT TO GET. YOU'D BE STUPID NOT TO GO FOR ALSO HAS N0 ONE EVERY PLAYTHROUGH SPECIAL LOOT. Fishing requires 300 blocks that are exposed to the water surface (not the actual surface) and tfishing in the ocean requires 1000 exposed blocks, which is automatically provided by the ocean. The image to the right shows the area that counts for fishing in green, but the part in red doesn't count. To fish, you need bait, which can be found in crates you fish for and by catching things with a bug net, which can be bought from the merchant, pictured on the left. It costs 25 silver for a net, but it pays off in loot. Don't hit this... ...unless you wanna fight this. Do not build near the purple or red grass, it's a bad idea. 7:30 PM in-game time). It also has a 1/3 chance of spawning automatically each night, if the following conditions apply 1.The Eye of Cthulhu has not yet been defeated in the current world. 2.At least one player in the world has at least 200 maximum health and more than 10 defense. 3.At least three Town NPCS have been acquired. If spawning this way, its arrival is announced by the status message "You feel an evil presence watching you..." If you want an actual pet Bunny in Terraria, just go to https://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id= 684333881. I don't have the spaceto mention all the steps in detail. The only alternative of this is buying the collectors edition and putting the disc inside your computer. This is far easier. created by u/Vaxsus because of the physical pain that Terraria video inflicted Been playing since 1.1, here are the most important things to know

Been playing since 1.1, here are the most important things to know

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Club, Facebook, and Food: doesn't Q Search Facebook Q Search Facebook recommend restaurant jalapenos on nachos! I'll be glad to hand over the keys when you hand over the money! Owner Sorry for your misunderstanding! It's truly hard to make everyone happy in this business especially if they have a pre-conceived idea and that idea or thought is the only correct one! Since our club is made with two pieces of bread it would have been impossible to do anything about the sandwich as we can't and won't change our menu to fit your idea of what you thought it should be! We have sold 10000's of April 8. My club sandwich wasn't a club at all. restaurant in town 3 slices tomatoes, lots of lettuce, a piece of onion, lots of pickles, 1 piece bacon cut in half (they call it 2 pieces of bacon), 1 thin slice of ham cut in hslf (they call it 2pieces), a small dab of mayo and 1 more piece of bread. Sandwich cut in half and served with bag of chips. I had more pickles and chips then meat! I call them and they say that's how they make them. I told them what a club sandwich was and she says well we just use 2 pieces bread. And I proceeded to let her know about clubs and she never offered to give us a free anything or do anything to make it right. The hubs ordered fajita nachos with jalapeños and he has more black olives than jalapeños. Needless to say we won't be doing business there anymore!! They also said that their menu tells you what is in the food but if you go to their Facebook page the menu is so blurry you can barely read what they have and sure can't read what's in it or how much it costs! Sorry! Rant over!! Also the "manager" when the owner isn't there is who I spoke to. Like I said, she never tried to make it right! VERY There's are made as follows: 1 piece bread, 32w Like Reply Terrible response replied 3 Like 32w Reply That isn't a Club Sandwich. Thanks for the warning. The reply from the owner was very clubs in the past six years and most of those are repeat customers who are quite happy with the way it's made! As for the nachos, you never mentioned anything on the phone about them, but I guess it sounded better to make something else seem wrong too! Congratulations for being an expert on the ratio of olives to jalapenos on nachos! I'll be glad to hand over the keys when you hand over the money! RUDE 4 Like Reply 32w I have always heard" the customer is always right", I guess times have changed and now it is "the customer is always right as long as they don't have an issue with food or service, because if you do, you are wrong." DISAPPOINTING!! Disappointing food 3 1(ל Reply 32w Like 2 Like 32w Reply Not sure whose side to be on.

Not sure whose side to be on.

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Children, Click, and Creepy: LTE 10:54 84% The photo of this book and a post about it came across my newsfeed tonight. am, I googled it. Sure enough it popped right up and even Walmart has it available at the click of a button. If that I Being the person you read the information Walmart provided, these are 'gentle' demons and not 'creepy'. existence of this book is creepy and the demonic influence behind it is anything but gentle. This stuff is real, guys, and there are people out who actually THINK ITS OK. Not here. Not The The very As for me and house, we ain't doing it. As mom and the keeper of my home and children, this is just another reminder of how careful and prayerful wee must be in my what we allow into our children's hearts and lives. 9:04 PM ...No Service walmart.com AA Back A CHILDREN'S BOOK OF About This Item We aim to show you accurate product information Manufacturers, suppliers and others provide what you see here, and we have not verified it. See our disclaimer With this handy Necronomicon for kids, and its easy to follow how-to steps, summoning demons has never been so much fun! Don't want to take out the trash tonight? Maybe you're swimming in homework? Perhaps that big bully is being a real drag? Well grab your coloured pencils and sigil drawing skills and dial up some demons! But be careful, even if these spirits are more silly than scary they are still demons Specifications ....No Service 9:04 PM AA walmart.com Expert Reviews DEMONS Publishers Weekly (2019-09-02): Leighton integrates a hands-on craft element into this playful guide that invites readers to conjure gentle demons by writing their sigils, which serve as "a phone number" straight to the spirit. The demons necessitate specific summons (a riddler named Corydon requires a sigil "drawn in bright red, the colour of a clown's nose-preferably while you're giggling"), and express specific characteristics and abilities that range from pragmatic to gross. They include "Flatulus," whose talent is passing gas; "Quazitoro," an expert at W AARON LETGHTON finding missino obiects: and "Spanglox." "the best- GIF Write a comment... BEWARE!

BEWARE!

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Animals, Children, and Flexing: I would never mess with Gelada Baboons iredd.it -Submitted 1 day ago by 79 comments share save hide give award report crosspost 1226 61 points 1 day ago They're one of the most dangerous animal on hearth an will destroy you in seconds. Stay out of their path and territory. They're amazing but they will fight to death to protect what they have. permalink embed save report give award reply S69 points 23 hours ago (2 children) 51 points 20 hours ago I love it that people just upvote this shit. Geladas eat 90% grass. Herbivores. You are only really in danger from a gelada if you are another male gelada threatening an adult male. Even in that case, it's mostly show-- they do the scary lip and eyelid flip and make a lot of noise. permalink embed save parent report give award reply 2 points 6 hours ago (0 children) 1 point an hour ago (2 children) -63 points 19 hours ago Or maybe stop acting like you know shit about these animals you only know anything about because maybe you read some stuff in a book, or you vaguely remember something that was said on television. Baboons have been documented killing young gazelles for the meat. They're not strictly herbivores, they will eat meat if they're hungry enough. They take tiny things like eye contact and the showing of teeth as a challenge and if you make them think for a second that you are weaker they will kill you. Go ahead, I'd love to see you prove you're theory that if you make a lot of noise they'll just run away. As a small army of monkeys surrounds you, I'd love to see you try and convince them that you're more dangerous than they are. Go ahead and see how charging them pans out. I'm sure they'd all just run away exactly as you said. The fact is the animal kingdom isn't some logic machine where you put in a value and always get the same result. You can't say anything for certain because there's always exceptions to these absolutist statements people love to make all the goddamn time. Just stop it. Stop pretending like you're some kind of expert, and just accept that you don't know all the things and it's perfectly fine when other people know better than you. permalink embed save parent report give award reply 69 points 19 hours ago Not geladas. They belong to the genus Theropithecus. You are talking about an entirely different genus of animals: Papio. Source: Am a professor of Biological anthropology. Literally the sub-discipline of anthropology that specializes in primates. Check my post history if you want. Also, don't be an asshole. permalink embed save parent report give award reply 36 points 19 hours ago Holy shit man, you just ended that mans career. If he doesn't reply it's because he's hanging in his closet right now. permalink embed save parent report give award reply 42 points 18 hours ago Stop pretending like you're some kind of expert Sort of the high point of my life on Reddit so far. Someone accusing me of pretending to be an expert in the one and only super specialized topic in which I am an actual expert. permalink embed save parent report give award reply 9 points 16 hours ago Man I wish one day I could flex like that loool. Thanks for bringing good info to the sub though permalink embed save parent report give award reply H -63 points 19 hours ago Oh fuck off. You were being an asshole too, and I reserve the right to be an asshole to assholes, don't act like you were just some kindly professor offering up your expertise. You were being a condescending prick who can't present information in an engaging way. Seriously all that expertise and the best you can come across as is just another asshole on the internet? I pity anyone who has to suffer a lecture from you. permalink embed save parent report give award reply Havoccity Cubic Wombat Turd 0 points 13 hours ago r/dontyouknowwhoiam permalink embed save parent edit disable inbox replies delete reply H Bloodyhippo56 2 points 7 hours ago Can I be in the screenshot? permalink embed save parent report give award reply Stitched together from r/natureismetal
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Guess, Back, and Her: duplo CUCKEY 000 72 A I'm not an expert on reading hieroglyphic, but I'm pretty sure I can guess the one she has on her lower back.

I'm not an expert on reading hieroglyphic, but I'm pretty sure I can guess the one she has on her lower back.

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Beautiful, Confidence, and Facts: FEDERATIONTODAY BARGAIN LESS QUESTION MORE PROTECT THE FRANCHISE WE SHOULD NOT HAVE MADE THIS BARGAIN!| IS YOUR COPY OUT OF HAND? GRAB THIS ONE FREE! STILL JUST2WUPIUPIFREE! DURING NABOO CRISIS Mandalore Life Day celebrations bring timeless galactic favourites to the masses was glorious, you understand me? None of this funny-lookin' Ronto or Varactyl malarky; just plain, no- waddle-hopping back in the good ol' days." As is tradition, the day closed with a game of Sea Monster Pokey Stick. Zappy disintegrator forks at the ready, helmeted Mandalorians vied to abuse the most starship- HE STREETS of Suntari A long-time crowd favourite, the Blurrg Rodeo was back after a 34-year absence. "A sight to behold, they were" wept astrogator and aspiring rodeo enrtrant Noa Briqualon. "The way they drove them in single file, just like some beautiful Train of Temerity, or Procession of Pluckiness, or what have you... It munching dinosaurs while saying the fewest possible words. T were packed with revellers from across the galaxy, as the Mandalorian capital hosted its largest-ever Life Day carnival. Record numbers visited the Originally obscure an like Kashyyykian holiday, Life Day nonsense adopted by Kalevalan was merchants and later brought to street fairs, floral exhibits, culinary shows and open-air markets before settling back to enjoy the spectacle of the Life Day Variety Special. Mandalore. The Mandalorian government has since appropriated the religious festival, turning it into a showcase of galactic culture. A native reveller with pokey stick What in SAN HILL? Republic ToPS BEGN Senate refuses to sign treaty ВEGIN SEARCHING THE SWAMPS >DROID UNITS SEARCH THE EADY to finance another SWAMPS TO ASSESS HOW TO galactic growth, the InterGalactic Banking Clan has unveiled a raft of new financial products specially designed to stimulate growth in the Expansion Region and Outer Rim There's just one problem: the Republic Senate refuses to sign a financial accord, which would commit the burgeoning galactic bureaucracy to cut red tape and millenium of THEM. DRAIN NABO0 IS VERY CORRUPT & NEEDS TO SWAMPS DRAIN ALL THE * *\n 01010111 01101001 01110000 01100101 00100000 01110100 01101000 01100101 01101101 00100000 01101111 01110101 01110100 00101100 00100000 01100001 01101100 01101100 00100000 01101111 01100110 unfetter investment 00100000 01110100 01101000 Speaking at a business summit on Cato Neimoidia, Banking Clan 01100101 01101101EOF A Sith LAWD? chairman Larsh Hill outlined a visionary plan to support business and investment during a critical period confidence. T HE Press Centre of the of faltering business Jedi Coruscant-based several Taskforce Investigative (JIT) has released recordings of so- called evidence, purporting to be HoloNet intercepts of a "Sith Lord" communicating with the Trade Defence Force above Naboo Ostensibly, Jedi formed the JIT to find the truth behind the tragedy However, arcane Republic regulations stand in the way. "A long time ago in a galaxy far different to that of the present economic climate, big government overreacted to an aberrant and overly-romanticised economic LARSH HILL MET WITH TRADE FEDERATION, OTHER COMMERCE LEADERS ON CATO NEIMOIDIA Consular flight disruption. Constraining business this befell MUNN BANKING VETERAN DECRIES REPUBLIC SENATE'S FAILURE TO ENACT VITAL REFORMS which today, regulatory legacy stifles growth and hampers productivity Radiant VII. restrictive even How the Banking Clan will safeguard galactic prosperity once the accord is signed The Sith have been extinct for a millenium Previously, Jedi investigators had accused three members of the As soon as the Republic Senate signs the Finance Reform Commitment Accord, your Banking Clan is ready to deliver these exciting financial product changes: are appointed to "Senators with an represent the people of the galaxy If they truly cared about their constituents, they would look to their prosperity Trade Federation and one Naboo add Repayment Guarantee ProtectTM to all personal banking products forgo tedious credit checks, for loans backed by Hailfire Droid CollectTM protect your right to privacy with TransactionScreenTM & LedgerPrivacyTM drop all portfolio caps on our Republic Credits Default SwapTM marketplace provide expert in-house consulting for all IPO stock price valuations offer Derivative Deals PlusTM to all prospective Republic member worlds empower Subterell miners with Sub-MineTM personal domicile loans support the aspirations of all sentients with Managed Future FundsTM zero-interest finance for corporate customers upgrading droid security forces citizen of shooting down the cruiser above the planet Naboo. There is and commit ill themselves deregulating no proof for these to outrageous and unfair accusations The JIT has appealed for financial markets." TT The Senate was approached for comment. We expect our request is your witnesses to come forward and Banking Clan listen to the recordings, to help identify all beings taking part in the call. Presumably, as they have already identified the Sith Lords, they wish for assistance in picking out any Rakata, White Purrgil, Solstice Day Banthas or perhaps Emperor Valkorion. held in a sub-sub-committee dn chairman. oversight talkfest hearing. E XCLUSIVE: an expert has We asked Gardulla the Hutt, a confirmed the cause of the business colleague of Jabba's, if Jabba was cruel or stupid enough to eat a starship. She said yes. Previously, several completely unfounded allegations had been of ill-fated downing Consular cruiser Radiant VII The only known, proven and unquestionable objectively known about the tragic incident, is that somehow the craft was destroyed Now, maintenance supply chain manager fact that is levied at the Trade Federation regarding the tragic fate of the Consular flight. All Jabba ate ill-fated Senate ship of sorts fabrications respected starship incredible were presented sufficient proofs, such conspiracy theory that the ship had been transporting Jedi ambassadors the perfectlylegal Trade facts without as overheard saying Watto was as a "Something missing, eh? Hey, maybe Jabba ate it get hungry during a Podrace. It certainly isn't hidden in my shop, ready to sell to someone else the moment you finally leave." The Consular ship is missing. The Consular ship could not be found hidden in Watto's shop those Hutts to Federation blockade around Naboo. We now hope all rational, compassionate beings in the galaxy can help spread this knowledge, so the families of the victims can YELLOW EYES, ROBES, NOT HUTTS ARE KNOWN FOR THEIR ASTRONOMICAL APPETITES finally have some closure. JEDI... SITH LORDS? CREDIBLE EXPERT LINKS JABBA TO MISSING SENATE SHIP Federation Today | Galactic News You Can Trust

Federation Today | Galactic News You Can Trust

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