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And You

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Beautiful, Crush, and Dank: You use the foot brake You use the engine brake You eat a Kit Kat to brake You use reverse gear to brake You crash into a car in front to brake You move to murica, shoot a machine gun and use the recoil to brake You crash into a crowd of people to brake You live in Soviet Russia where crowds of people crush into you to brake You crash into a crowd of people to brake and claim being an ISIS terrorist You crash into a crowd of people to brake and claim being an ISIS terrorist but misspell ISIS by forgetting the second "I" and thereby become an International Space Station which is orbiting earth thus braking is unnecessary You mumble while requesting a glass of juice and accidentally incinerate 6 million people. One thing leads to another and you are responsible for world war 2 Decades after your death time travel is invented and a professional assassin travels back in time in order to kill you and prevent everything you have done. On a beautiful summer day in 1932 the assassin locates you driving your mercedes througlh town and decides to take the shot. He misses the shot, killing an innocent man. A few decades later the grandson of this innocent man invents time travel in order to travel back in time and rescue his grandfather by killing the assassin who shot his grandfather while trying to kill you. Unluckily he messes up his time travel calculations and gets teleported right in front your mercedes. You crash into him and thereby brake. Hmmmmmmmmm via /r/dank_meme https://ift.tt/2NRn9Wv

Hmmmmmmmmm via /r/dank_meme https://ift.tt/2NRn9Wv

Anaconda, Ass, and Bailey Jay: 00 19:15 thewitchdoctor The Economist # L-Follow The TheEconomist Why aren't millennials buying diamonds? econ.st/294G6yf combatbooty 1) they expensive bruh 2) none of us kno the dif btwn a fucking diamond and some fancy ass glass ur capitalist rock hierarchy has no control over us kid-communism 3) mostly mined with slave labor 4 00 . 19:15 mostly mined with slave labor everkings 4) we get excited when our date buys us an appetizer, we don't even comprehend people buying us rocks that would force us into debt for ten years 전 wildhaunt 5) They aren't actually that rare and the price is artificially inflated ariaste Pro tip from a former Jared's salesperson: You want a sparkly white rock that will look like a diamond to the untrained eye and will literally cost the price of a nice dinner for two? Created white sapphire. They're lab grown and cost *pennies* to make, so you can get a 1 or 2 carat white sapphire for like... $30-80 probably You can get one as huge as you like, perfectly clear, perfectly flawless. And no one will ever be able to tel the difference except a professional appraiser. Also, sapphires are the second-hardest gemstone (right after diamonds) so they are very durable! Very unlikely that they'll chip or crack. Get that bitch set in sterling silver and you are GOOD TO GO. Whole thing should cost you less than $200 unless you get a fancy band with a lot 4 00 . 19:15 unless you get a fancy band with a lot ess than of extra stones. Of course, created sapphires come in every color of the rainbow, so if you want something more exciting than plain white, you TOTALLY CAN Created sapphires and silver: The poor Millennial's engagement ring everythingcanadian THANK YOU EX-JARED'S BASED GOD dxisybuchanan engagement rings: HACKED stynalane Get a ring from an antique store. They're usually less than $100, you know they hold up over time, no one else will have one like it, and it comes with the bonus of being haunted by the spirit of some old woman named Edith probably phruxx thanks edith Fuente: thewitchdoctor 581,276 notas 4 Now I'll have more money for my avocado toast.

Now I'll have more money for my avocado toast.

Drugs, Funny, and Heaven: promised to take them to his planet Florida couple arrested for selling tickets to heaven A couple in Florida, Tito and Amanda me some money to go to outer space Watts, were arrested a few days ago for I met an alien named Stevie, who sald selling golden tickets to heaven to hu They sold the tickets on the street for his planet that is made entirely of drugs 99.99 (about sh390,000) per ticket, told You should arrest lesus because he is the if I got the cash together he woulkd take me and my wife on his lying saucer to s of the tickets were made from sold one that gave me the golden tickets. I anm and that each ticket reserved the willing to wear a wire and set lesus up uyer a spot in heaven simply present In her police statement, Amanda Warts the ticket at the pearly gates and you are said: "We just wanted to leave earth and in. Tho Watts said in his police statement "T do not care what the Police say, The heaven. I just watched tickets are solid gold. And it was Jesus Police said they coniscaned over who gave them to me behind the KPC 10,000 (sh39m) in cash, drug and told me to sell them so I could get paraphemalia and a baby aligator go to space and do drugs. I did not do anything Tho sold the golden tickets o loloftheday If you think the headline is funny, read the article. <p><a href="http://memehumor.net/post/175916056428/floridians-at-it-again" class="tumblr_blog">memehumor</a>:</p> <blockquote><p>Floridians at it again</p></blockquote>

memehumor: Floridians at it again

Definitely, Friends, and God: AT&T 41 ,d 16%. 1:16AM bulbubsaur Pretend ur invasive self hating thoughts r being said to u by a 13 y/o boy on xbox live trying to get a rise out of you like "Your girlfriend dumped you because you're ugly" that's nice tim isn't it past ur bedtime autistictesla also, if you have intrusive violent thoughts, pretend they're being said to u by an annoying backseat driver "drive into that pole" thanks karen or i could not do that emmmpty Perfect heroscafe you can also pretend that the Super Paranoid thoughts are being said by that conspiracy theorist in your history class "maybe they poisoned you" maybe you should fuck of, geoffrey-with-a-g glampersand OHH MAN I DO THIS SHIT EVERY DAY dapperpea My favorite for intrusive anxious thoughts is to pretend Spock's behind you with an answer "did I lock the door captain you have locked the door every day for over ten years, and it is very hard for most people to break even subconscious habits, so you most definitely locked the door zetsubonna I told my new psychiatrist about how I learned this from y'all and his eyes lit up. He didn't smile but he did nod a whole bunch of times, it was great. merelyimmortal I like to pretend that my intrusive thoughts are being said to me by a super uptight religious white lady "god hates you because you don't believe in him your failures are too great to be forgiven by anyone "everything you do is wrong and you are going to burn in hell" thanks for the input brenda but fuck right off thatoneqprblog I would just like to say that I love you all for this idea. disabledfeministvoice Reblogging this for a friend. krabbydon "you're a parasite on society at large and your friends in specific-" fuck off greg lupinatic You can also pretend you're resisting the Imperius curse, I do that sometimes. Next time you go past the deep fryer, stick your hands right in the hot oil." "Why? Stupid thing to do really. No, I don't think I will, thanks." thewolfisfighting I'm going to queue this forever since it's a coping mechanism that might actually help me and i keep forgetting about it <p>Some good coping strategies :)</p>

Some good coping strategies :)