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Wishes

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No Its Not

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Bad, Bad Boys, and Christmas: HELI'S KITCHEN MOVME CUB XMAS SPECIAL MUN ou ARE MOST ToUBLESOME FOR A SECURITY GUARD ㄧㄋ EEENH! SORRY, HANS, WRONG GUESS. Wouw You IKE TO ão FOR OUBLE JEOPARTY,WHERE THE SCORES CAN REALLY CHANGE? CWHOA, THESE THINGS ARE REALLY BAD FOR You THEN WHO ARE You? [INDIANA JONES THEME MUSIC PLAYS] WHEWE JUST A FLY IN THE OINTMENT, HANS. ER PSHUU THE MONKEY KLIK TTER WHAT IS IT YOU WANT, MARY? WHAT DO YOU WANT? DO YOU WANT THE MOON? JUST SAY THE WORD AND I'LL THROW A LASSO AROUND T AND PULL IT DOWN HEY. THAT'S A PRETTY GOOD IDEA. I'LL GIVE YOU THE MOON, MARY. I'LL TAKE IT. THEN WHAT, GEORGE? SNIFE WELL, THEN YOU CAN SWALLOWIT AND IT'LL ALL DISSOLVE, SEE. AND THE MOONBEAMS WOULD SHOOT OUT OF YOUR FINGERS AND YOUR TOES AND THE ENDS OF YOUR HAIR... AM I TALKING TOO MUCH? YES! WHY DON'T YOU KISS HER, INSTEAD OF TALKING HER TO DEATH? HKMC is a work of satire by Dave Acosta (@davedrawsgood), Dee Cunniffe (@deezoid) & Alex de Campi (@alexdecampi). All characters (c) Marvel Comics. Next episode: Death Wish. Or maybe Predator. Dunno. No for real, The Thin Man is "clearly" the best Xmas movie. William Powell is a comedy genius. (If you like Nick & Nora, check out My Man Godfrey, another brillant Powell screwball that has the greatest and by greatest we mean most fucked-up- meetcute of all time.) There's a period in one's young adulthood where it's deeply uncool to like A Wonderful Life. Sentimentality! Ugh, gross. Then you get older, and messages of hope seem a lot more necessary than before. Also, Jimmy Stewart is funny as hell. Not just his delivery, but his physical business between lines? #Goals. Stewart has been in a lot of great films Capra's so current it hurt Mr Smith Frex but if you like nors, dig up the under-appreciated Preminger classic, Anatomy of a Murder. Duke Ellington wrote&performed the score! Anyway: Happy Christmas from all of us. You are more important than you know, and more loved than you believe. Things will get better, give it time. alexdecampi: Hells Kitchen Movie Club Xmas Special! Ho ho ho, motherfuckers! Love from me, @dave-acosta and @deecunniffe Bucky’s shirt a low-key nod to @buckykingofmemes, who we adore Previously in Hell: cover image // 01 // 02 // 03 // Xmas // 04 // 05 // 06 // That time the Punisher’s creator gave us a thumbs-up // twitter // insta HOW did I get a shoutout in this A YEAR AGO and never knew about it?? This series is excellent! Look at that drowsy Bucky!

alexdecampi: Hells Kitchen Movie Club Xmas Special! Ho ho ho, motherfuckers! Love from me, @dave-acosta and @deecunniffe Bucky’s shirt a low...

Being Alone, Animals, and Dogs: HOW TO SWEAR AROUND THE WORLD VAFFANCULO CASSE-TOI! YUMAGO! BY JASON SACHER ILLUSTRATIONS BY TOBY TRIUMPH Perha human being, there happily copulates with animals in her and mean-spirited picture uld truly be reserved for moments of extreme anger. take kindly to the mental images that the phrases e the most obvious globally sho We as a species do not t below conjure. As you can imagine, insulting animal of choice to p have fun throwing a few more culturally specific ani consider the bears in Bulgaria, and reindeer (of c dogs ar air with a mother, but certain cultures imals in there BULGARIAN Mayka ti duha na mechki v gorata Your performs o performs oral sex upon bears in the forest." DUTCH Zoon van een hoerige kameel! Son of a camel whore!" With this insult, it's unclear whether one is saying the mother in question was a camel that was also a prostitute or a prostitute wh serviced camels. FINNISH Äitisi nai poroja! Your mother copulates with reindeer!" AOTIAN Ma see mea mung! Your mother enjoys keeping intimate company with dogs!" HOW TO SWEAR AROUND THE WORLD THE MOTHERLOD Fuck off uzendayo うぜーんだよ。 Motherfucker. kisama 貴様。 Asshole teme てめぇー。 Leave me the fuck alone. shitsukėndayo しつけ-んだよ。 I hate you. daikirai 大嫌い。 Ded na What did you just say!?! nandatö なんだと !?! Get out of my way. doke どけ。 Go to hell. shine 死ね。 Eat shit. kusokurae くそくらえ。 Shut the fuck up. ussendayo うっせ-んだよ。 What the fuck? ahoka アホか?! You're worthless. tsukaenė yatsu dana つかえねーやつだな。 eacefu ng. Just ent. My uS with a de. novelty-gift-ideas: How to Swear Around the World

novelty-gift-ideas: How to Swear Around the World

Food, Frozen, and Trap: The COMPLETE WORST-CASE SCENARIO Survival Handbook Includes HOW TO TREAT A TONGUE STUCK TO A POLE lWarm the pole with your hands. Atongue will stick when the surface of the pole is very when the tongue touches the pole, causing bonding. Place your gloved hands on the area of the pole closest to the tongue. Hold them there for several minutes cold. The top few layers of the tongue will freeze 1 Do not panic. 2 Do not pull the tongue from the pole 3 Move closer to the pole. Pulling sharply will be very painful. As the pole warms, the frozen area around the tongue should begin to thaw. Gently pull the tongue away from the pole. You may leave a layer or two of skin on the pole, which will be painful, but the tongue will quickly heal. | İlke z test pull. Get as close as possible without letting more of the tongue's surface area touch the pole. Alternative Method 0 se warm water Pour water from a water bottle over the tongue and the pole. Do not use water that is cold, or it may freeze and exacerbate the problem. Be Aware Do not try to loosen your tongue with your own saliva: Although saliva is relatively warm, the small amount you will be able to generate is likely to freeze on your tongue.. If another person is present, have him or her pour warm (not hot) water over your tongue. This may be difficult to articulate while your tongue is stuck-pantomiming a glass of water poured over your tongue should do the trick Warm the pole wih yr ui wti your ton How To THWART AN AFFECTIONATE COSTUMED MAScoT er all ood/ medi 1S tial restau tuate fave hark an- e to nc- to How rO ESCAPE FROM A GIANT OCTOPUS 1 Pull away quickly In many cases, a human can escape from the grasp of small- to medium-sized octopus by just swimming away. Propel yourself forward to create a pulling pres- sure on the octopus's arms. If you cannot get away, or if you feel yourself being pulled back, continue to the next step. 2 Do not go limp. Octopi are naturally curious and, if strong enough, will check to see if you are a food item before letting you go. Do not act passively, or you may be bitten or quickly enveloped by the octopus's web, a flexible sheath used to trap prey. Once you are caught in a "web-over," escape will be extremely difficult. However, octopi tire easily, so continue to put pres- sure on the arms by attempting to swim away. The octopus may decide to let you go rather than bring ou in for a closer look. 3 Prevent the octopus's arms from wrapping around your arms. The COMPLETE WORST-CASE SCENARIO Survival Handbook Includes Searchable CD With All 11 Handbooks plus wallpapers, and more By Joshua Piven and David Borgenicht novelty-gift-ideas: Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook

novelty-gift-ideas: Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook

Bad, Beard, and Comfortable: nOrma1-people-sxare-me A group of rough looking boys walked past me today and all I heard of their conversation was "he's got that anxiety disorder bro so I went with him so he'd be more comfortable" and it made me realise the world isn't all that bad fitzefitcher #this is team skull its-just-a-phage The pet store I worked at had a pen with rabbits near the front door. On every side of the pen were huge signs saying "You can pet me, but don't pick me up!" One day two absolutely huge guys came in and one immediately reaches into the pen to grab a rabbit. Before i could say anything his friend grabbed his arm and asked him "did you see the sign?" He said "yeah! it says that you can pick them up but don't pet them!" Then he went quiet for a moment and softly said "I didn't read it right did I?" And his friend just puts his arm on his shoulder and said "its ok, i know you've got that thing where words get mixed up. Let just pet these cute lil shits" And I still haven't gotten over that interaction. flowernstt I was walking my dog through Boston bc he likes the likes car rides. He's a little thing tbh we call him short and long So this huge scary man with a full beard approaches me like "hey can my buddy and I pet your dog? He gets nervous around dogs but your's is so small I think it's a good place to start." Ofc I was like "yes he's very friendly!" So this guy brings his equally big friend over and they sit on the floor while this man looks terrified of my tiny dog so big man number one asks "canl pick him up?" And i say yes so he picks him up and puts him on man number two's lap and man number two is abt to freak out and his friend straight up just goes "hey man, it's okay just relax I'd never let anything hurt you. He'sa good boy." I'll never forget it ever bcI know that man looked at me (5'3, glasses, probably wearing a sweater vest) and my dog (kinda goofy looking little thing) and was like 'ah ves the two least intimidating living things I've seen in Boston all day he'll feel relaxed around them and went out of his way to help his friend. It makes me so happy wholesome stories

wholesome stories

Bad, Beard, and Comfortable: nOrma1-people-sxare-me A group of rough looking boys walked past me today and all I heard of their conversation was "he's got that anxiety disorder bro so I went with him so he'd be more comfortable" and it made me realise the world isn't all that bad fitzefitcher #this is team skull its-just-a-phage The pet store I worked at had a pen with rabbits near the front door. On every side of the pen were huge signs saying "You can pet me, but don't pick me up!" One day two absolutely huge guys came in and one immediately reaches into the pen to grab a rabbit. Before i could say anything his friend grabbed his arm and asked him "did you see the sign?" He said "yeah! it says that you can pick them up but don't pet them!" Then he went quiet for a moment and softly said "I didn't read it right did I?" And his friend just puts his arm on his shoulder and said "its ok, i know you've got that thing where words get mixed up. Let just pet these cute lil shits" And I still haven't gotten over that interaction. flowernstt I was walking my dog through Boston bc he likes the likes car rides. He's a little thing tbh we call him short and long So this huge scary man with a full beard approaches me like "hey can my buddy and I pet your dog? He gets nervous around dogs but your's is so small I think it's a good place to start." Ofc I was like "yes he's very friendly!" So this guy brings his equally big friend over and they sit on the floor while this man looks terrified of my tiny dog so big man number one asks "canl pick him up?" And i say yes so he picks him up and puts him on man number two's lap and man number two is abt to freak out and his friend straight up just goes "hey man, it's okay just relax I'd never let anything hurt you. He'sa good boy." I'll never forget it ever bcI know that man looked at me (5'3, glasses, probably wearing a sweater vest) and my dog (kinda goofy looking little thing) and was like 'ah ves the two least intimidating living things I've seen in Boston all day he'll feel relaxed around them and went out of his way to help his friend. It makes me so happy Wholesome interactions via /r/wholesomememes https://ift.tt/2G2Zsb9

Wholesome interactions via /r/wholesomememes https://ift.tt/2G2Zsb9

Funny, For, and Always: Always coming around and begging us for a buck....NO HAND OUTS BUD!

Always coming around and begging us for a buck....NO HAND OUTS BUD!

I Bet, Shower, and Sorry: THE EXPERIMENT A GROUP OF SCIENTISTS PLACED 5 MONKEYS IN A CAGE AND IN THE MIDDLE, A LADDER WITH BANANAS ON TOP EVERY TIME A MONKEY WENT UP THE LADDER, THE SCIENTISTS SOAKED THE REST OF THE MONKEYS WITH COLD WATER. AFTER A WHILE, EVERY TIME A MONKEY WENT UP THE LADDER, THE OTHER ONES BEAT UP THE ONE ON THE LADDER. AFTER SOME TIME, NO MONKEY DARE TO GO UP THE LADDER REGARDLESS OF THE TEMPTATION. SCIENTISTS THEN DECIDED TO SUBSTITUTE ONE OF THE MONKEYS. THE FIRST THING THIS NEW MONKEY DID WAS TO GO UP THE LADDER. IMMEDIATELY THE OTHER MONKEYS BEAT HIM UP. AFTER SEVERAL BEATINGS, THE NEW MEMBER LEARNED NOT TO CLIMB THE LADDER EVEN THOUGH NEVER KNEW WHY THE SECOND MONKEY WAS SUBSTITUTED AND THE SAME OCCURED. THE FIRST MONKEY PARTICIPATED ON THE BEATING FOR THE SECOND MONKEY. A THIRD MONKEY WAS CHANGED AND THE SAME WAS REPEATED. THE FOURTH WAS SUBSTITUTED AND THE BEATING WAS REPEATED AND FINALLY THE FIFTH MONKEY WAS REPLACED. WHAT WAS LEFT WAS A GROUP OF 5 MONKEYS THAT EVEN THOUGH NEVER RECEIVED A COLD SHOWER, CONTINUED TO BEAT UP ANY MONKEY WHO ATTEMPTED TO CLIMB THE LADDER. IF IT WAS POSSIBLE TO ASK THE MONKEYS WHY THEY WOULD BEAT UPALL THOSE WHO ATTEMPTED TO GO UP THE LADDER, I BET THEIR ANSWER WOULD BE: "I DON T KNOW. THAT'S HOW THINGS ARE DONE AROUND HERE." DON T MISS THE OPPORTUNITY TO SHARE THIS WITH OTHERS AS THEY MIGHT BE ASKING THEMSELVES WHY WE CONTINUE TO DO WHAT WE ARE DOING IF THERE IS A DIFFERENT WAY OUT THERE. Conclusion: Don't follow others behavior, think before you follow. And sorry for the long post, here's a BANANA epicjohndoe: This Experiment Made A Lot Of People Think

epicjohndoe: This Experiment Made A Lot Of People Think