In Bed Like
In Bed Like

In Bed Like

When Your
When Your

When Your

Wallet
Wallet

Wallet

Rareness
Rareness

Rareness

awkwardly
 awkwardly

awkwardly

stillness
 stillness

stillness

through
through

through

exceptional
exceptional

exceptional

ons
ons

ons

motto
motto

motto

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Children, Drugs, and Family: kintatsujo Me: I don't know if I ever want to be pregnant I'd rather adopt a kid or two that are a bit older Someone: Are you SURE? Older adoptees present UNIQUE CHALLENGES Me: We are discussing human beings not digital pets plenoptic07 Literally every child every born and/or parented presents unique challenges. It's like people are kintatsujo An amazing and revolutionary concept indigo-night-wisp When people ask me, "Why do you want to adopt teenagers?" I always answer, "Because you asked like that." I'm real over it. If I become a foster mom to a 17 year old kid and I get the privilege of the option to adopt them? You better believe I am legally making that kid mine. "They'll be a legal adult in no time, why spend the money to adopt? They'll be aged out of the system." There's no aging out of family, Marvin "They might be rebellious or smoke or do drugs or steal things! What if they won't listen to you?" Then I guess l'll have to step up and do some fruxking parenting, Stanley. "You want to adopt problem children then?" All. Children. Are. Problem. Children. If you're not prepared to deal with the fact that at some point, any child ever, whether you birthed them yourself or adopted them at any age, could become a problem? Then you are NOT ready to have children, and should really just step off and let the people who actually want to be parents live in peace with their kids. dearbluetravelers Hey I'm so glad this post is picking up All children are problem children :) via /r/wholesomememes http://bit.ly/2AW2lFs

All children are problem children :) via /r/wholesomememes http://bit.ly/2AW2lFs

Apple, Bless Up, and Drake: Three weeks ago she was at the pound - now she's transformed to Action Pup.! So u know how u get in the car and Apple Music just wil out and play whatever well on the way to the gym this mernin I hop in the whip on this cold a$$ 12 degree day and my speakers start blasting Miguel, Banana Clip. FAM! I don’t even remember downloading this album! But this joint HARD! 😂 I felt like Miguel lil 5 foot a$$ was next to me serenading me, singing in the passenger seat egging me on go hard at the gym! I was Iike wow this adorable lil munchkin go hard! And then it dawned on me 🤔...5 footers really be going the hardest! 🐛 Kevin Hart - 5 foot. Tom cruise - 5 foot. Shiggy the comedian who invented the drake Kiki dance (DRAaAaAaAake! 😂) - 5 foot. They out there ... ENTERTAINING. Ladies don’t shleep. I know most of u pretty tings got a 6-4 cutoff and I don’t blame y’all! But maybe what u need is a 5 footer who really gon do the most! Serenade u in the shower! Make u laugh! “Smash I’m not tryina hear that, my son in fifth grade already taller than that I can’t bring a man into my house who reach to my son’s chest” BB 👏 GIRL 👏 DO 👏 WHAT 👏 U 👏 FEEL 👏. And by the way, for all you men who only swipe right on short women may I ask you to consider finding yourself a tall drink of water in 2019. I used to talk to a volleyball player who was 6-1 and let me tell you fam she was a sight to behold. Legs so long you could slide down them h0es like a fire pole. Cheeks like beach balls. She was a whole lotta woman! A foot long sub for the price of a six inch famalam! I am telling you, you might not think it’s your thing but u might hecc around and fall in love. “But smash, I’m 5-11 which is really a lie I’m actually 5-7 and three quarter but I say I’m 5-11 - if she 6-1 then in heels she finna be 6-4 fam I’m gon look like her handsome middle school son.” Well bish embrace that! Find you a Mama! Maybe your mama was wiling out when you were growing up and u need a woman to HECC around and spank u. Maybe eem spike you! 🏐 Maybe that’s what you been missing all your life. “smash you really Wilding today.” INDEEDY! Smash simply raising this hypothesis for ya consideration lmao BLESS UP 😍😂😂 (Slide 2: @tatertot_thecorgi_)
Af, Ass, and Cute: Tricky-D @DropsNoPanties So, my stepson has a girl upstairs in his room that stayed the night and my wife doesn't know yet. I'm curious on how he plans to smuggle her out now that the whole family is awake... ...and now we wait Tricky-D @DropsNoPanties People asking for updates: she's still here, the wife has gone into full Saturday house cleaning mode. Stil hasn't noticed the cute white shoes by the door. This could be his chance while she's distracted. Tricky-D @DropsNoPanties 11:00am central standard time... My wife (amazing wife) cleaning so hard core she doesn't even notice me standing behind her to take this pic... Music cranked all the way. Now's the chance. will he see the opportunity?? Tricky-D @DropsNoPanties 1d I think they might be waiting it out. The wife usually lays down and reads after lunch, especially after cleaning her ass off all morning. Could he be waiting for that?? Can she hold her pee another hour or so?? I have no idea what they thinking up there 940 t532 8,957 Tricky-D @DropsNoPanties 1d I'm afraid this thread isn't going to live up to the hype. You know, like a Ben Affleck Miramax movie 'm waiting just like the rest of you 921 ロ470 ㅇ8,240.1, Tricky-D @DropsNoPanties 1d OMG OMG OHHHH MY GAWDDDDDDD SHE CAME DOWN TO USE THE BATHROOM! IT'S ONE OF HIS CLOSEST FRIENDS! See. Mom might believe it's just a friendly sleepover, she was lucky enough to sleep through the fuck fest above our heads at 4am Tricky-D @DropsNoPanties 1d I don't even know if the wife saw her come downstairs to use the bathroom. She's said nothing and it's not like I can ask... Yet 2451 ㅇ7,508 Tricky-D @DropsNoPanties 1d I don't even know if the wife saw her come downstairs to use the bathroom. She's said nothing and it's not like I can ask... Yet t2451 7,508 Tricky-D @DropsNoPanties 1d Omg this kid!! NONCHALANT AF he casually strolls downstairs... AND grabbed those shoes and went back upstairs. Side eyeing me the whole way past. I shot him a little wink. They gonna hit that side door. bet. Tricky-D @DropsNoPanties And closure... Sure enough, hit the side door and they gone. I don't know about you but need a drink after that suspense. Thanks for following along! That was amazing A story worth of a short film
College, Definitely, and Fall: "But you don?, Renee said, more of were waitiog for colege boys who d grown u anir". İlr dutn't know how to tell then that the only col- t hode well for their somantic years ahead Karen looked at her phone Ten mniutes till you rNeiher ot, them had dated mucfh, awearing "Do I seem like the kind of you're trying ro kit s after I cried the first four tines. knew m any depth was his own brother, and Karen said. INNER PEACE! + she sald, You wane us to sJow down so you This stopped them both. ralk to Wnde well ger it over with," he said, handing the The bows and arrows didn't have half a the gun. *Thanks, though. I trace the eineケ party tomight? Rener said, again shyly do you ask like thate Just... easier when you know some- s to be there." 七here are·ar ember of warmth in his gut earnal or wistfol or indeed eishtul d it, simply unexpected rush that he found him to or mcant ir as she said emeerb b with tears in his eyes I'II definitely be there. pe roodbye and walked the length of ds Wade's office, fecling the best or shaking ott Marty's sting. ight be possible s the day wore unvil Wade FALL .T tend nearly a 2i a gh a shadow had crept across me of the other mature Ger th ferivitics Sic heir desire for drink and joll to withdraw they nruly crow rdon wonder OCTOBER FlA the cov the spine. now other T WT the creature d the are unable to i widening. G the feeling that the wastned thing was sturing from behind its blank Out in the circle one o opponent too enthusi moment the claws a na rose talk escape, Gordon wa: so that ECOLINE But yo u don't," Renee said, more of an order than they were waiting for college be to tel a question. "Do you're trying to kill something? They left me at after I cried the first four times. I seem like the kind of son you want around if agreement. Neither of them had lege boy he knew in any depth w that didn't bode well for their ron " she said, “You want little". He didn't know how " Your family is messed up," Karen said Adam sighed. This stopped them both. At the super-Christian college?" Karen asked. People with really stiff morals are easier Found out this morning Marty got a Karen looked at her phone. girl pregnant. off, Adam, don't have to talk to Wade?" "I might as well get it over wit keys to Rence. The bows and ar ty tonight? ask like t stcasier INNER PEACE! +タ Rence rit's the whenwell travel be there. , I trace the line og the wny would trace there are ember or wis meant tears in 'll definitel oodbye and ds Wade's o y. If not sha might be po nearly a f FALL n," Wad ihat t t ecore sat 97 this Gordon seem UEA gh a shadow had crept across th te sivities. eof the other mature Ge heir desire for drink and jo , to withdraw, m nruly crowd. rdon wonder of the cov g the spine now other hav OCTOBER lik the r PLAYLTST re the creature nd the area se dening. G d, unable to ric the feeling that the usnined thing was staring im from behind its blank Out in the circle one of 22 23 2ฯ 2.3 26277 23 3 3 opponent too enthusi moment the claws a na rose Gerrn blo ing in ur paeoures, cousi will leave escape, Gordon wa shed speaking. But, n her, so that Gordon
A Dream, Click, and Fake: Do you want to know something that people don't tell you about being married for a long time? You actually do run out of things to talk about I know you might think I am kidding, but I am being a million percent truthsies over here. As a child, I always wondered what married people talked about, and was assured by many a family member that there were always things to discuss This is a lie. A big, fat one. It's really unfortunate that no one was truthful with me, because here I am with nothing to say and completely unprepared on how to deal. My husband and I go on a weekly date night and after I go into detail about my wild day working from home (I ate a Lean Cuisine, I answered three emails, I found a dollar in the wash), I have nothing. The other day I started to tell my husband about this super interesting thing that had happened, but then I was like, "oh never mind, I'm saving that for our date tonight" and he's like "um, WHAT?" and I was like, "well, when I've got something good I save it for date night so I have something to talk about. It seems like such a waste to spend it on a regular day. So then he thought that was one of the weirdest things he's ever heard about, which I assumed maybe HE already did that too? But he was like, "No, people do not do that." It's like I don't know how to be a person the right way sometimes. Every now and again my husband will ask "did you bake anything today, hon?" and ifI made Créme Bruleé Brownies I say "nope" because I'm hiding them and don't want to share. These fudgy little bites of bliss are covered in a thick vanilla custard that slices up like a dream. A sprinkling of sugar and a run under the broiler gets that caramelized, crackly top. Basically, these are perfect and you need them right now. That is all benepla: kramergate: I love it when I click on a recipe link because it sounds yummy and instead of a recipe I get a several page dissertation on a food blogger’s boredom with her marriage and lies she was told in childhood this ending in a recipe literally changed my fucking life i thought i was being spread some fucking truisms abt the ugliness of marriage but it was literally a preamble to creme brulee brownies. writing is fake
Arguing, Bless Up, and Dogs: My daughter was nervous around dogs, and then she met this guy. He let her love all over him for 20 minutes and then afterwards, her fear was gone. Thank you, sweet boy, for making her into the dog lover that she is! GIBBS NEW YORKERS ARE WILD FAM 😂. They will argue about anything. It’s both a sport and a hobby. In the rest of the country people burn calories by wearing a Fitbit and measuring steps. Nah. New Yorkers will just argue with u until they thin 😂. I love it. I’m not saying they ain’t wonderful people! To the contrary! They be nice as HELL to me! They just love to argue. FOR EXAMPLE. Me: “fam I love getting food off the Halal carts.” NY person: “oh word, son? Oh it’s like THAT my dude? Ayo...Could I ax u a question, son?” *ominous music plays (90s era Mobb Deep)* Me: “sure...(?)” NY person: “ayo son...could I ax u what halal cart u go to my dude?” Me: “ummm like around Greenwich and Murray...(?)” NY person: “son [pregnant pause] SON 😂. U can’t be serriyiss right now son. Is u wildin my dude? *whispering to friend in NY Yankees cap* son...is this dude wildin?” Friend (quietly): “I mean ... he wildin son.” (Everyone in NY got a yes-man with him who wear a yankee fitted real low and who don’t really argue, he just agree with what his friend say lol.) New York person: “ayo u mean...Like up by World Trade?” And I’m like: “I guess...(?)” NY person: “SON! HOW U AINT KNOW THESE THINGS SON? 😂 U gotta know which halal cart got that GOOD good and which one got that mid grade son! Ayo do me a favor son walk a extra couple blocks to Broadway u see a cart that say “HALAL CHICKEN GYROS” with “ONE DOLLAR SAMOSA”...UNDA DAT. U ask for Hakeem. Tell him Donnell sent u. Yeah. Donnell from one two fif. U gotta tell him the street because it’s two Donnells. Son he gon hook u up with the FIRE CHICKEN my dude. Quiet as it’s kept? Prime Minister of Pakistan eat at that cart my dude word is bond I seent him. He had mad security around him and I’m like oh he gotta be a digni-TERRY he ordered chicken biryani with salad son I said ayo get that red sauce too my son and he did my dude it was wild we ate togevva but I don’t tell that story often anyway I’m not sayin don’t eat at them carts u eat at son! I’m just sayin...I WOUL-INNT EAT THERE IF I WAS U. BUT U COULD DO WHAT U FEEL. BLESS UP.” 😂😂😍 [ALL CREDITS IN COMMENT BELOW.]

NEW YORKERS ARE WILD FAM 😂. They will argue about anything. It’s both a sport and a hobby. In the rest of the country people burn calories b...