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ons
ons

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ever
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ever

their
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Bad, Beyonce, and Booty: If you don't pet him, you're a monster. Pic: reddit u/coal the slaw @DrSmashlove So yesterday I had about 12 hours of work to knock out and as the night got older, I had to leave the warm, familiar confines of my go-to Mom-and-Pop coffee joints that serve coffee made with love, care, affection and human warmth (and therefore close early so that they wonderful baristas can go act in plays and paint paintings and do other artsy tings that allow them to form doves and angels and birds in yo latte) and head to the barren desert land that is Starbucks, where they serve piping-hot burnt sludge-water brewed from the charcoal grains of Hell. Literally Starbucks got a long term supply agreement with Satan where they pay half they net revenue to ol dude with the red goat face and long tail and in return he supply them with coffee that shouldn’t be served to maximum security prisoners bruv. BUT THEY OPEN 24-7 BECAUSE SATAN NEVER SLEEPS - HE’S ALWAYS WREAKING HAVOC (except during Ramadan 🤗😂). Anyway so I’m there and they got the nerve. The cot damn NERVE...to play a playlist where Jay and Beyoncé are followed by Johnny Cash which is followed by “Till the Lights Come On” by Sun Rai (I had to Google the lyrics. No offense Sun Rai u probably a star of some sort but ya music sound like booty cheeks NO OFFENSE 🤗). Who did this? Who is RESPONSIBLE for this? In addition to obtaining they coffee supply from Satan, do they also let him hook up the playlists? How I’m pose to concentrate when y’all playing Jakob Dylan followed by Echosmith? I have ADD. Is this playlist meant to melt the remaining shred of sanity I have? Y’all serve coffee that’s stronger than bad cocaine and y’all play music that is jarring, discordant and unharmonious - combine the two and I now have the subtle urge to punch a baby 🤗. Y’all absolutely some criminals for this lmao. Change that mermaid on ya cup to Lucifer because this is the last time I ever fux with y’all devilish establishment - AWAY FROM ME, SATAN! 🤗😂😂😂
Bad, Beyonce, and Booty: If you don't pet him, you're a monster.
 Pic: reddit u/coal the slaw
 @DrSmashlove
So yesterday I had about 12 hours of work to knock out and as the night got older, I had to leave the warm, familiar confines of my go-to Mom-and-Pop coffee joints that serve coffee made with love, care, affection and human warmth (and therefore close early so that they wonderful baristas can go act in plays and paint paintings and do other artsy tings that allow them to form doves and angels and birds in yo latte) and head to the barren desert land that is Starbucks, where they serve piping-hot burnt sludge-water brewed from the charcoal grains of Hell. Literally Starbucks got a long term supply agreement with Satan where they pay half they net revenue to ol dude with the red goat face and long tail and in return he supply them with coffee that shouldn’t be served to maximum security prisoners bruv. BUT THEY OPEN 24-7 BECAUSE SATAN NEVER SLEEPS - HE’S ALWAYS WREAKING HAVOC (except during Ramadan 🤗😂). Anyway so I’m there and they got the nerve. The cot damn NERVE...to play a playlist where Jay and Beyoncé are followed by Johnny Cash which is followed by “Till the Lights Come On” by Sun Rai (I had to Google the lyrics. No offense Sun Rai u probably a star of some sort but ya music sound like booty cheeks NO OFFENSE 🤗). Who did this? Who is RESPONSIBLE for this? In addition to obtaining they coffee supply from Satan, do they also let him hook up the playlists? How I’m pose to concentrate when y’all playing Jakob Dylan followed by Echosmith? I have ADD. Is this playlist meant to melt the remaining shred of sanity I have? Y’all serve coffee that’s stronger than bad cocaine and y’all play music that is jarring, discordant and unharmonious - combine the two and I now have the subtle urge to punch a baby 🤗. Y’all absolutely some criminals for this lmao. Change that mermaid on ya cup to Lucifer because this is the last time I ever fux with y’all devilish establishment - AWAY FROM ME, SATAN! 🤗😂😂😂

So yesterday I had about 12 hours of work to knock out and as the night got older, I had to leave the warm, familiar confines of my go-to Mo...

Anime, Bootleg, and Booty: Her: baby my ankle hurts Me: I gotchu If a girls over 5”5 and texts you “We gone fight next time I see you” she literally will give you the smack down. It was around the time I was just getting a little clout. I scooped cute baddie but she kinda on the tall side. She avergae more boards than Deandre Jordan of the los angles clippers. She invited me over to her house to chill for the evening. Baby girl opened the door with the shortest booty shorts a nigga ever seen. I can see her booty jiggle as each cheek read “child-Support”. Pulling out was never an option. Laid on the couch we watching bootleg dvds. You know it’s bout to turn real hood in a min. This girl told me she was getting sick from the weather change. It’s funny how a girl be all freaky in the text messages but now all of a sudden she sick. I ain’t fail algebra twice to know something wasn’t adding up. I tried moving my hand down her back, soon as I’m halfway she let out a smoke screen of coughs. Breath Smelled all types of bacterial infections. I love my dick too much to put him through that. Ain’t no Pokémon center nearby here. I couldn’t see no hope in sight when the lord sent me a sign. She tells her beck was hurting. Perfect opportunity to make my move, I offered a massage. I’m working my way down her back when says “if your hand goes down further we gone fight”. Ain’t no serious tone or base in her voice so I’m like bet “Go time”, we really bout to rumble in the jungle. I creep lower when she horse kicks me right in my stomach. I look like a anime character who just got the shit out of him. Staring into space amazed at her strength. I get back up off the ground and tried to put her in the Kurt angle ankle lock. She revered it and had me in some next level Position. Nigga my belly bottom touching the back of my calf. I’m all types of fucked up. I’m looking like some iPhone head phones you pull out your pocket tangled like fuck. I had to tap out. I couldn’t even tap out. I cried out daddy. I ain’t never met the nigga either. Shorty dropped me and kicked me out. I couldn’t move. I came in on hopes and dreams and left on a stretcher. Moral of the story Tall bitches got the hands. ( Follow @Genuineguy & tag 2 friends below)
Anime, Bootleg, and Booty: Her: baby my ankle hurts
 Me: I gotchu
If a girls over 5”5 and texts you “We gone fight next time I see you” she literally will give you the smack down. It was around the time I was just getting a little clout. I scooped cute baddie but she kinda on the tall side. She avergae more boards than Deandre Jordan of the los angles clippers. She invited me over to her house to chill for the evening. Baby girl opened the door with the shortest booty shorts a nigga ever seen. I can see her booty jiggle as each cheek read “child-Support”. Pulling out was never an option. Laid on the couch we watching bootleg dvds. You know it’s bout to turn real hood in a min. This girl told me she was getting sick from the weather change. It’s funny how a girl be all freaky in the text messages but now all of a sudden she sick. I ain’t fail algebra twice to know something wasn’t adding up. I tried moving my hand down her back, soon as I’m halfway she let out a smoke screen of coughs. Breath Smelled all types of bacterial infections. I love my dick too much to put him through that. Ain’t no Pokémon center nearby here. I couldn’t see no hope in sight when the lord sent me a sign. She tells her beck was hurting. Perfect opportunity to make my move, I offered a massage. I’m working my way down her back when says “if your hand goes down further we gone fight”. Ain’t no serious tone or base in her voice so I’m like bet “Go time”, we really bout to rumble in the jungle. I creep lower when she horse kicks me right in my stomach. I look like a anime character who just got the shit out of him. Staring into space amazed at her strength. I get back up off the ground and tried to put her in the Kurt angle ankle lock. She revered it and had me in some next level Position. Nigga my belly bottom touching the back of my calf. I’m all types of fucked up. I’m looking like some iPhone head phones you pull out your pocket tangled like fuck. I had to tap out. I couldn’t even tap out. I cried out daddy. I ain’t never met the nigga either. Shorty dropped me and kicked me out. I couldn’t move. I came in on hopes and dreams and left on a stretcher. Moral of the story Tall bitches got the hands. ( Follow @Genuineguy & tag 2 friends below)

If a girls over 5”5 and texts you “We gone fight next time I see you” she literally will give you the smack down. It was around the time I w...

Cheating, Child Support, and Facebook: Cuffing Season ls Postponed Thanks To Facebook Groups Designed To Catch Cheating Men @balleralert Sis Is This Your Man Closed Group 10,229 Members Cuffing Season Is Postponed Thanks To Facebook Groups Designed To Catch Cheating Men- blogged by @niksofly ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Right now many ain't sh*t men would be laying in warmth and luxury thanks to the cold weather, but that won't be the case. Cuffing Season has been postponed until further notice and we owe it to the rather catty yet ingenious creators of the Facebook group, “Sis Is This Your Man" and its variations across various cities throughout the country. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ The Facebook group took “getting caught up” to an entirely new level. Various women go through a mini interview to be added to the private group where they post pictures of their "men" in hopes that another woman cannot identify them. But, not only do other women identify them, the other women go into explicit details about these men, including screenshots of messages and pictures of the men in compromising situations. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ The group from the Memphis, Tennessee branch was shut down recently and could face legal action for doing the aforementioned. Each local chapter and-or branch of the group has had great success in exposing various men so much so, a spin-off for men that owe child support has been created. Bitter baby mothers post their baby fathers' photos along with the amount owed. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ I guess it's safe to say, the internet is with the sh!ts; but if you have to go through these extreme measures, then it’s time to move on.
Cheating, Child Support, and Facebook: Cuffing Season ls Postponed Thanks
 To Facebook Groups Designed To
 Catch Cheating Men
 @balleralert
 Sis Is This Your Man
 Closed Group 10,229 Members
Cuffing Season Is Postponed Thanks To Facebook Groups Designed To Catch Cheating Men- blogged by @niksofly ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Right now many ain't sh*t men would be laying in warmth and luxury thanks to the cold weather, but that won't be the case. Cuffing Season has been postponed until further notice and we owe it to the rather catty yet ingenious creators of the Facebook group, “Sis Is This Your Man" and its variations across various cities throughout the country. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ The Facebook group took “getting caught up” to an entirely new level. Various women go through a mini interview to be added to the private group where they post pictures of their "men" in hopes that another woman cannot identify them. But, not only do other women identify them, the other women go into explicit details about these men, including screenshots of messages and pictures of the men in compromising situations. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ The group from the Memphis, Tennessee branch was shut down recently and could face legal action for doing the aforementioned. Each local chapter and-or branch of the group has had great success in exposing various men so much so, a spin-off for men that owe child support has been created. Bitter baby mothers post their baby fathers' photos along with the amount owed. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ I guess it's safe to say, the internet is with the sh!ts; but if you have to go through these extreme measures, then it’s time to move on.

Cuffing Season Is Postponed Thanks To Facebook Groups Designed To Catch Cheating Men- blogged by @niksofly ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ...

Ass, Google, and Memes: u/attheisstt 10h imgur of washing he looks like a polar At the time bear @DrSmashlove YOU KNOW IT’S WINTER WHEN YO CRIB IS SO COLD THAT U GOTTA HAVE CONVERSATIONS WITH YOURSELF JUST TO FINALLY CONVINCE...*YOURSELF*...TO GET OUT OF THE SHOWER. LIKE GROWN SMASH IS LIKE “enough, shower time is over. Let’s work.” Baby smash: “JUST TWO MORE MINUTES!” Grown smash: “you said that two minutes ago.” Baby smash: “STOP IT THAT WASN’T TWO MINUTES! YOU WERE COUNTING FAST! WHY DO U ALWAYS COUNT FAST WHEN IT’S *MY* TURN FOR THE SHOWER??!” Grown smash: “fine one more minute.” Baby smash: “Ok but stop counting out loud if you count out loud it ruins it just let me enjoy my minute!!” Grown smash: “Ok minute’s up, China wakes up in six hours, you got deadlines to—“ Baby smash: “YOU’RE NOT THE BOSS OF ME!! YOU’RE NOT THE BOSS OF ME!!! MAMA!! MAMAAAAAAAA!!!!!!” *cries into bath towel* *finally emerges shivering and shaking like a newborn baby* *Googles ‘how do I get a job renting jet skis on a beach in a warm location as a career’* *hears beeping noises from two directions* *sees one dump truck backing up and dumping a truckload of chancletas on me* *sees other dump truck dump a truckload of wooden spoons on me* *two identical versions of my mama emerge from both trucks wearing bifocals, creased dress pants from 1991 and Reeboks from the TJ MAXX red tag section from 1997 to tell me to get back to work* *closes Google browser and takes my ass to work* 😂😂😂
Ass, Google, and Memes: u/attheisstt 10h imgur
 of washing he looks like a polar
 At the time
 bear
 @DrSmashlove
YOU KNOW IT’S WINTER WHEN YO CRIB IS SO COLD THAT U GOTTA HAVE CONVERSATIONS WITH YOURSELF JUST TO FINALLY CONVINCE...*YOURSELF*...TO GET OUT OF THE SHOWER. LIKE GROWN SMASH IS LIKE “enough, shower time is over. Let’s work.” Baby smash: “JUST TWO MORE MINUTES!” Grown smash: “you said that two minutes ago.” Baby smash: “STOP IT THAT WASN’T TWO MINUTES! YOU WERE COUNTING FAST! WHY DO U ALWAYS COUNT FAST WHEN IT’S *MY* TURN FOR THE SHOWER??!” Grown smash: “fine one more minute.” Baby smash: “Ok but stop counting out loud if you count out loud it ruins it just let me enjoy my minute!!” Grown smash: “Ok minute’s up, China wakes up in six hours, you got deadlines to—“ Baby smash: “YOU’RE NOT THE BOSS OF ME!! YOU’RE NOT THE BOSS OF ME!!! MAMA!! MAMAAAAAAAA!!!!!!” *cries into bath towel* *finally emerges shivering and shaking like a newborn baby* *Googles ‘how do I get a job renting jet skis on a beach in a warm location as a career’* *hears beeping noises from two directions* *sees one dump truck backing up and dumping a truckload of chancletas on me* *sees other dump truck dump a truckload of wooden spoons on me* *two identical versions of my mama emerge from both trucks wearing bifocals, creased dress pants from 1991 and Reeboks from the TJ MAXX red tag section from 1997 to tell me to get back to work* *closes Google browser and takes my ass to work* 😂😂😂

YOU KNOW IT’S WINTER WHEN YO CRIB IS SO COLD THAT U GOTTA HAVE CONVERSATIONS WITH YOURSELF JUST TO FINALLY CONVINCE...*YOURSELF*...TO GET OU...

Chill, College, and Creepy: u/a_slinky ld imgur This is Iggy. He is everything that is good in this world @DrSmashlove LET’S KEEP IT 600 HAVE YALL EVER MET SOMEONE NAMED STEPHANIE AT A WORK FUNCTION AND THEN U GOOGLE STEPHANIE AND U ELEVENTEEN PAGES DEEP ON STEPHANIE’s GOOGLE RESULTS AND U GET TO STEPHANIE’s WEBSITE ON “theknot” AND U JUST LIKE “wow they posed in front of the Bucks stadium wearing matching Bucks jerseys LMAO” AND U LOOKING THRU THE GROOMSMEN FOR ROGER, THE GROOM, AND U SCROLLING THRU “Todd: Frat Brother”, “Jeff: The Troublemaker (Editor’s Note: Jeff is always overweight with a baby face and is wearing a bow tie lmao)”, and u get to “Kelly, the Groomswoman” AND U JUST LIKE “wow I wonder if Stephanie low key hates Kelly and wonders if once, just once, Kelly got extra drunky at college at smashed Roger but they never smashed again but Roger still low key loves her and thinks about her lol wow that’s wild Kelly u wild, started at a bar crawl now u here LMAO LMAO” SO U GOOGLE “Kelly Patterson” AND FIND OUT THAT SHE ACTUALLY HAS A BOYFRIEND NAMED RICK AND U WONDER IF THE BOYFRIEND IS A LITTLE TIGHT THAT MAYBE KELLY SMASHED ROGER TOO AND THEN IT DAWNS ON U. IT DAWNS ON U, BRUV. RIGHT THEN AND THERE. U HAVE GOOGLE STALKED THIS WEB OF FRIENDS INTO THE Nth MOTHERFVCKING DIMENSION BRUV. IT’S NOWHERE TO TAKE IT NOW. WHAT’S THE LIMIT? HAS SCIENCE GONE TOO FAR? AND THEN U FEEL LOW KEY SAD AND IT DAWNS ON U THAT U NEED TO GET RIGHT WITH GOD BUT U DECIDE TO SEE WHO KELLY IS FOLLOWING AND LOW AND BEHOLD SHE FOLLOWS SMASH (and u wondering: do she follow for the pups? The captions? Both? 😜) SO REALLY U AIN’T STALKING AT ALL U JUST GAZING DOWN AT YO FOLLOWERS FROM UP HIGH ON YO LONELY INSTAGRAM PERCH AND NOW INSTEAD OF FEELING CREEPY U CONSIDERING DM’ing HER LIKE “aye so did u smash Roger? 😏Lmao 🤓” BUT THEN U REMIND YOURSELF TO CHILL HAPPY FRIDAY 🤗😂😂😂
Chill, College, and Creepy: u/a_slinky ld imgur
 This is Iggy. He is everything that is good in
 this world
 @DrSmashlove
LET’S KEEP IT 600 HAVE YALL EVER MET SOMEONE NAMED STEPHANIE AT A WORK FUNCTION AND THEN U GOOGLE STEPHANIE AND U ELEVENTEEN PAGES DEEP ON STEPHANIE’s GOOGLE RESULTS AND U GET TO STEPHANIE’s WEBSITE ON “theknot” AND U JUST LIKE “wow they posed in front of the Bucks stadium wearing matching Bucks jerseys LMAO” AND U LOOKING THRU THE GROOMSMEN FOR ROGER, THE GROOM, AND U SCROLLING THRU “Todd: Frat Brother”, “Jeff: The Troublemaker (Editor’s Note: Jeff is always overweight with a baby face and is wearing a bow tie lmao)”, and u get to “Kelly, the Groomswoman” AND U JUST LIKE “wow I wonder if Stephanie low key hates Kelly and wonders if once, just once, Kelly got extra drunky at college at smashed Roger but they never smashed again but Roger still low key loves her and thinks about her lol wow that’s wild Kelly u wild, started at a bar crawl now u here LMAO LMAO” SO U GOOGLE “Kelly Patterson” AND FIND OUT THAT SHE ACTUALLY HAS A BOYFRIEND NAMED RICK AND U WONDER IF THE BOYFRIEND IS A LITTLE TIGHT THAT MAYBE KELLY SMASHED ROGER TOO AND THEN IT DAWNS ON U. IT DAWNS ON U, BRUV. RIGHT THEN AND THERE. U HAVE GOOGLE STALKED THIS WEB OF FRIENDS INTO THE Nth MOTHERFVCKING DIMENSION BRUV. IT’S NOWHERE TO TAKE IT NOW. WHAT’S THE LIMIT? HAS SCIENCE GONE TOO FAR? AND THEN U FEEL LOW KEY SAD AND IT DAWNS ON U THAT U NEED TO GET RIGHT WITH GOD BUT U DECIDE TO SEE WHO KELLY IS FOLLOWING AND LOW AND BEHOLD SHE FOLLOWS SMASH (and u wondering: do she follow for the pups? The captions? Both? 😜) SO REALLY U AIN’T STALKING AT ALL U JUST GAZING DOWN AT YO FOLLOWERS FROM UP HIGH ON YO LONELY INSTAGRAM PERCH AND NOW INSTEAD OF FEELING CREEPY U CONSIDERING DM’ing HER LIKE “aye so did u smash Roger? 😏Lmao 🤓” BUT THEN U REMIND YOURSELF TO CHILL HAPPY FRIDAY 🤗😂😂😂

LET’S KEEP IT 600 HAVE YALL EVER MET SOMEONE NAMED STEPHANIE AT A WORK FUNCTION AND THEN U GOOGLE STEPHANIE AND U ELEVENTEEN PAGES DEEP ON S...