πŸ”₯ Popular | Latest

Bless Up, Homie, and Horny: the moon also rises @timaryu So I just spent 15 minutes looking for my cat. She was in my room the whole time. Dr Smash love Now let me tell u one more thing about red flags. They. Will. Never. Leave. Yo. Ass. Alone πŸ˜‚. They hang around forever. Justttttt when u put they ass out of your mind u get that PERFECTLY timed text: "hey big head πŸ˜‰". With that said here go the top three times a red flag will try to re establish contact with you: (1) 10:46 pm on a Saturday on a night where u shaved the kitty cat for the new guy u seeing and that new guy bailed on u. U at home. Looking cute. Watching Netflix. Kitty cat bald as Vin Diesel scalp. And u were all ready to be naughty and now u alone and lost in your horniness and red flag pop up like "hey you. You gonna be out tonight? πŸ˜‰" And u thinking IGNORE but how do u reply? "Lol just chilling at home HBU". Within 45 minutes homie got u bent over your sectional and he giving u that pipe that make u literally hate your new man because u remember how good the red flag's pipe was πŸ™ƒ. (2) Holiday. That's when that red flag hit u with the "hey you. Hope you're at home eating your mom's incredible pot roast and enjoying good company. Been thinking about you 😘". What do u wanna do? IGNORE. What do u ACTUALLY say? "Hey! I'm back next Tuesday. We should link up - it's been a while πŸ˜‰." And now u naked on your sectional having post-thanksgiving sex πŸ€—. (3) Birthday. Red flags know all the birthdays. None of your other friends remembered except red flag: "hey sexy. Happy birthday! Hope you have fun tonight 😘." U don't even want to ignore. U legitimately taken by his sweetness and he bring u birthday cupcakes and now your face covered in Mandy's Cupcakes buttercream frosting and red flag's jizz and u just like "wow, this motherfvcker πŸ˜’." Now look. If u really had it with Mr. Red Flag, don't ignore him. He'll think u still like him, and text u again in EXACTLY four months. Instead, when he reach out, send the ULTIMATE dismissive text: "hey! Thanks. Hope you're well" No punctuation at the end. Do NOT give his ass an exclamation mark. U feel me? Word it just how I said it. And watch his snake ass slither to his next prey. U get me! Bless up πŸ˜πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚
Save
Bad, Clothes, and Confidence: Your father probably told you a few things, but just in case he wasn't around enough, here are some words of wisdom you might have missed out on: 1. Go for women you perceive to be "out of your league." You'll surprise yourself 2. Never have sex with anyone that doesn't want it as much as you. 3. Never hit anyone unless they are an immediate threat 4. Every hat should serve a purpose 5. Never take her to the movies on the first date 6. Learn to wet shave 7. Nothing looks more badass than a well-tailored suit. 8. Shave 9. Always look a person in the eye when you talk to ith the grain on the first go-around. them. 10. Buy a plunger before you need a plunger 11. Exercise makes you happy. Run, lift, and play sports 12.Brush your teeth before you put on your tie 13.A small amount of your paycheck should go directly to your savings account every month. 14. Call your parents every week. 15. Never wear a clip-on tie. 16. Give a firm handshake 17. Compliment her shoes. 18. Never leave a pint unfinished. 19. If you aren't confident, fake it. It will come 20. You can tell the size of a man by the size of things that bother him. 21. Be conscious of your body language 22. The only reason to ever point a gun at someone is if you intend to shoot them. 23. Always stand to shake someone's hand 24. Never lend anything you can't afford to lose. 25. Ask more than you answer. Everybody likes to talk about themselves 26. Keep a change of clothes at the office 27. Buy high quality tools, so you only have to buy them once. 28. Manliness is not only being able to take care of yourself, but others as well. 29. Go with the decision that will make for a good story 30. When you walk, look straight ahead, not at your feet. 31. Nice guys don't finish last. Boring guys do. 32. Find your passion and figure out how to get paid for it. 33. Don't let the little head do the thinking for the big head. 34. No matter their job or status in life, everyone deserves your respect 35. The most important thing you can learn is personal responsibility. Bad things happen, it's your job to overcome them. 36. The first one to get angry loses. 37. Do what needs to be done without complaining. It won't help speed things up. 38. Never stop learning. 39. Always go out into public dressed like you're about to meet the love of your life. 40. Don't change yourself just to make someone happy, unless that someone is you. 41. If you're the smartest person in the room, you're in the wrong room. 42. Luck favors the prepared. 43. Women find confidence sexy as hell 44. Do whatever you want to do in the life, but be the best at it. 45. No one is on their deathbed wishing they spent more time at work. Enjoy your life <p>Things My Dad Never Told Me</p>
Save