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Butt, Dad, and Disney: huffylemon in 7th grade i went to the see a movie with a boy and in the middle of it he was like "do you wanna kiss" and i was like "excuse me" and he pulled a bag of hershey's kisses out of his coat DO YOU REALIZE WHAT A GOOD BACKUP PLAN THAT IS kidswithhats: story time!!! so in biology, this kid kept looking at his crotch and moving his hands back and forth, and we were all wondering what he was doing and the teacher saw and told him to show her what he was doing and hE WAS FUCKING CROCHETING UNDER HIS JACKET OMG. HE HAD A BALL OF YARN ABOUT THE SIZE OF HIS HEAD AND A SCARF ABOUT 3/4 OF HIS HEIGHT Just slow clap it out. carry-on-my-wayward-butt: i just remembered how in middle school a bunch of boys would go around and tickle girl's chins and shout "BALLS ON UR CHIN" and this guy i knew did it to this tiny quiet unassuming girl and like at the speed of fuckin light she grabbed his arm and headbutted him directly in the nose and he passed the fuck out methlabrador wTF MY 7 YEAR OLD SISTER JUST CAME INTO MY ROOM AND GESTURED FOR ME TO FOLLOW HER AND DIDNT SAY ANYTHING SO I DID AND SHE LEAD ME INTO THE BACKYARD AND SHE SAID "IM GOING TO SHOW YOU MY SECRET" AND I WAS LIKE "WHAT OK" AND SHE TOOK THE LID OFF HER PORTABLE SANDBOX AND IT WAS FILLED WITH WATER AND LIKE THOUSANDS OF TINY BABY TADPOLES SWIMMING AROUND AND I WAS LIKE WHAT WHERE DID YOU GET THESE AND SHE SAID "iM RAISING THEM" starxapple: starxapple my grandpa has a date tonight and hes really old and in a wheelchair and has to drag around this breathing machine but hes just sitting there waiting for the hospice shuttle to take him to pick up his date and he looks SUPER EXCITED and its the cutest thing ive ever seen update he came home and i asked him how it went and he said, "i should have taken an extra tank of oxygen because she took my BREATH AWAY" blastortoise: I think the funniest thing that's ever happened to me during a sexual situation was when I was giving my first boyfriend a blow job and he was like "yeah take it all choke on it" and i was already at the base of his dick and it wasn't anywhere near the back of my throat and I like snorted from laughing, I guess he took at as me "choking" and he came and was like "fuuuck that's so sexy" and I just came up like iquanamouth: last year one night me and my old roommates were all playing twister and mike was on the spinner and halfway through the game he kind of mumbled to himself "i sure hope im calling these right" and then everyone in the room simultaneously remembered that mike was colorblind missmella You guys I'm in Disney World and this afternoon my blood sugar dropped so low I got separated from my family and somehow bought an ice cream and then blacked out and woke up on a bench with chocolate sauce all over my arms and Mickey Mouse putting a cold towel on my head this truly is a magical place. horsesforfraublucher thedevilstongue: olivialaurel My dad and I were in a hotel and he tried the coffee and smiled and said "ahh, it's like making love in a canoe." and I said, "it's that good?" and he stopped smiling and looked me in the eye and said, "no, it's fucking close to water" before pouring it down the drain really dramatically and walking away Oh my GOD Extreme dad jokes. brOlan: my coworker just told me about a kid he knew in second grade that was really allergic to peanuts but one day during lunch he said that he couldn't take it anymore and wanted to know what reeses taste like so he pulled out his epipen, ate the reese cup then stabbed himself with the epipen and told the teacher to call the hospital and that kid is the most hardcore kid I've ever heard of I wanna be his friend Source:huffylemon 851.373 notes Here is a collection of classic tumblr posts, including a couple I've never seen before
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Chill, Friends, and God: 7:19 Do you do album art? Yes Would you be interested in some? Yea bro You don't charge right? If you want album art you have to pay for it Award 15.5k 589 Share Add a comment 7:19 Would you be interested in some? Yea bro You don't charge right? If you want album art you have to pay for it You a clown on god Message... Award 15.5k 589 Share BEST COMMENTS Add a comment 8:26 Award Share 15.5k 589 2 more replies So the other day I got hit up on Instagram by a pretty big rapper (500k+ followers) I don't know how he found me (I'm not a big name at all) but he follows someone who follows me so that might be how I was initially excited as I thought that by working for him, it would help qet my name out there, as at the struggling financially as a resultng clients and am I was actually thinking of giving it to him for free, to help with exposure but then I remembered past experiences as well as the posts on this subreddit, I feel like I made the right choice in the end. Reply 4.7k 8:22 : X imgur.com Award Share BEST COMMENTS Aft account He was sleeping, chill bro Reply I figured you might edit that, so I grabbed the comments before you remembered to switch your account. Alt account yeah I accidentally commented on my alt account so I thought I might as well pretend to be someone else to play it off lol r/quityourbullshit 11:07 Alt account - Back OVERVIEW 1m I purposefully didn't black out that part of the picture so that people would find out, but I made sure to have most of the image covered so it wouldn't get deleted by the mods. Ch 1 2m I was sleeping, chill bro ..9h 41 Are you sure? The profile picture matches up exactly with his Instagram profile picture? 202 .. 9h Going off the profile picture OP forgot to cover I +hink it'e lil van Posts Inbox Search Settings 8:39 Award 15.5k 589 Share t 188 Reply also if he really wanted to hide the identity would n't he have covered the whole picture 50 He is a designer. This was clearly done on pur- pose. He blacked out the text pictures but only half of the main one? And he didn't black out the blue verified check mark? Seems like he wanted the Reddit detectives to get to work for him.... 70 Alt account He did it because he had to cover the profile picture just a little bit so as to not get removed/ sued for libel, but he made sure to show a little bit so that reddit detectives would eventually figure out who it is Source: am friends with op 23 J VIEW ALL COMMENTS Add a comment Claims "Lil Xan" contacted him for an album art.
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Amazon, Bad, and Crackhead: Amazon Customer Wow, just....wow April 11, 2019 Verified Purchase Color: Pink Having read everyone's reviews, i had high expectations, but with the price being under 50 dollars, i wasnt exactly going to be shocked if it was mediocre. A few friends of mine bought it recently, and told me of its power. I was warned to take the day off, hydrate, and above all do some stretches.I thought they were being such drama queens It was delivered within 2 days of ordering, so it's already off to a good start. Opening the very discreet box, instructions say 2.5 hour charge time Not too bad, i plug this lil bad boy in. While the kids are at school waiting for it to charge, killing time reading some erotica my friend and fellow queenie, recommended because i don't have time to screw around waiting to get into "the mood". I have to get the kids in a few hours and i need to be ready to go when this thing is done charging. Tik tok bltch, tik tok welcome to motherhood. "Patiently waiting" me is checking to see if the light has stopped blinking every 10 minutes like a crackhead waiting for his dealer.. After only and hour and a half, solid pink light Game on I played with the settings on my hand to test this fine machinery out.The vibration for the g spot part is quite strong, i was impressed with with that even before use. Next was suction. So many levels it was interesting to see the different patterns and strength. There are 10 levels for clitoral and 10 patterns for g spot.l've never used a clit suction type stimulator, so i have nothing to compare it to, but looked forward to it none the less Time to solo party I found placement for the clit a bit low for my body shape, it took me a few min to get everything where it needed to be. That was a bit time consuming and slightly fustrating. But as with any new toy, its trial and error. I started the clit one on low, which i barely even felt. Unbeknownst to me it wasn't lined up 100% ,So, me being me,i decide to go from zero to 60 in 3.5. I hit the suction button setting to level 5 or 6 and hit the g spot button as well. And made aminor adjustment on suction placement.At least i think that's what happened,Because I'm pretty sure i blacked out My legs went straight out like those goats who faint when scared. I never came so fast and so hard in my life. squirted, i have NEVER DONE THAT. (Luckily i put a towel down cause i hate wet spots) I frantically tried to turn it off, but ended up hitting the buttons like a maniac, sending to even stronger suction and now variant pulses from the g spot vibrator. And came, again. Im pretty sure i levitated. It was an unending orgasm. This time, my soul left me, and god himself said "child, it is not your time, go back to the lil pink light." (Mind you, im agnostic.) I'm brought back into my earthly body after managing to pull it off me throwing it across my bed, it falls to the floor, still buzzing happily away. I shook for a good 5 minutes, i couldn't get up off the bed if even wanted to. I stared at my ceiling dazed trying to remember who i am and what year is this I get up to clean up and realize in my seizure like orgasms, i hurt my hip and back. Im still hobbling 4 hours later I did not stretch enough. So in conclusion, this met and exceeded expectations. Hydrate, make sure you don't have to do anything that involves decisions or brainpower for the rest of the day. And for the love of god, stretch like you are about to run the 500 meter dash Read less 350 people found this helpful Mom’s Honest Review About Vibrator On Amazon Was So Good It Sold Out
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Amazon, Bad, and Crackhead: Amazon Customer Wow, just....wow April 11, 2019 Verified Purchase Color: Pink Having read everyone's reviews, i had high expectations, but with the price being under 50 dollars, i wasnt exactly going to be shocked if it was mediocre. A few friends of mine bought it recently, and told me of its power. I was warned to take the day off, hydrate, and above all do some stretches.I thought they were being such drama queens It was delivered within 2 days of ordering, so it's already off to a good start. Opening the very discreet box, instructions say 2.5 hour charge time Not too bad, i plug this lil bad boy in. While the kids are at school waiting for it to charge, killing time reading some erotica my friend and fellow queenie, recommended because i don't have time to screw around waiting to get into "the mood". I have to get the kids in a few hours and i need to be ready to go when this thing is done charging. Tik tok bltch, tik tok welcome to motherhood. "Patiently waiting" me is checking to see if the light has stopped blinking every 10 minutes like a crackhead waiting for his dealer.. After only and hour and a half, solid pink light Game on I played with the settings on my hand to test this fine machinery out.The vibration for the g spot part is quite strong, i was impressed with with that even before use. Next was suction. So many levels it was interesting to see the different patterns and strength. There are 10 levels for clitoral and 10 patterns for g spot.l've never used a clit suction type stimulator, so i have nothing to compare it to, but looked forward to it none the less Time to solo party I found placement for the clit a bit low for my body shape, it took me a few min to get everything where it needed to be. That was a bit time consuming and slightly fustrating. But as with any new toy, its trial and error. I started the clit one on low, which i barely even felt. Unbeknownst to me it wasn't lined up 100% ,So, me being me,i decide to go from zero to 60 in 3.5. I hit the suction button setting to level 5 or 6 and hit the g spot button as well. And made aminor adjustment on suction placement.At least i think that's what happened,Because I'm pretty sure i blacked out My legs went straight out like those goats who faint when scared. I never came so fast and so hard in my life. squirted, i have NEVER DONE THAT. (Luckily i put a towel down cause i hate wet spots) I frantically tried to turn it off, but ended up hitting the buttons like a maniac, sending to even stronger suction and now variant pulses from the g spot vibrator. And came, again. Im pretty sure i levitated. It was an unending orgasm. This time, my soul left me, and god himself said "child, it is not your time, go back to the lil pink light." (Mind you, im agnostic.) I'm brought back into my earthly body after managing to pull it off me throwing it across my bed, it falls to the floor, still buzzing happily away. I shook for a good 5 minutes, i couldn't get up off the bed if even wanted to. I stared at my ceiling dazed trying to remember who i am and what year is this I get up to clean up and realize in my seizure like orgasms, i hurt my hip and back. Im still hobbling 4 hours later I did not stretch enough. So in conclusion, this met and exceeded expectations. Hydrate, make sure you don't have to do anything that involves decisions or brainpower for the rest of the day. And for the love of god, stretch like you are about to run the 500 meter dash Read less 350 people found this helpful Mom’s Honest Review About Vibrator On Amazon Was So Good It Sold Out
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Amazon, Bad, and Crackhead: Amazon Customer Wow, just....wow April 11, 2019 Verified Purchase Color: Pink Having read everyone's reviews, i had high expectations, but with the price being under 50 dollars, i wasnt exactly going to be shocked if it was mediocre. A few friends of mine bought it recently, and told me of its power. I was warned to take the day off, hydrate, and above all do some stretches.I thought they were being such drama queens It was delivered within 2 days of ordering, so it's already off to a good start. Opening the very discreet box, instructions say 2.5 hour charge time Not too bad, i plug this lil bad boy in. While the kids are at school waiting for it to charge, killing time reading some erotica my friend and fellow queenie, recommended because i don't have time to screw around waiting to get into "the mood". I have to get the kids in a few hours and i need to be ready to go when this thing is done charging. Tik tok bltch, tik tok welcome to motherhood. "Patiently waiting" me is checking to see if the light has stopped blinking every 10 minutes like a crackhead waiting for his dealer.. After only and hour and a half, solid pink light Game on I played with the settings on my hand to test this fine machinery out.The vibration for the g spot part is quite strong, i was impressed with with that even before use. Next was suction. So many levels it was interesting to see the different patterns and strength. There are 10 levels for clitoral and 10 patterns for g spot.l've never used a clit suction type stimulator, so i have nothing to compare it to, but looked forward to it none the less Time to solo party I found placement for the clit a bit low for my body shape, it took me a few min to get everything where it needed to be. That was a bit time consuming and slightly fustrating. But as with any new toy, its trial and error. I started the clit one on low, which i barely even felt. Unbeknownst to me it wasn't lined up 100% ,So, me being me,i decide to go from zero to 60 in 3.5. I hit the suction button setting to level 5 or 6 and hit the g spot button as well. And made aminor adjustment on suction placement.At least i think that's what happened,Because I'm pretty sure i blacked out My legs went straight out like those goats who faint when scared. I never came so fast and so hard in my life. squirted, i have NEVER DONE THAT. (Luckily i put a towel down cause i hate wet spots) I frantically tried to turn it off, but ended up hitting the buttons like a maniac, sending to even stronger suction and now variant pulses from the g spot vibrator. And came, again. Im pretty sure i levitated. It was an unending orgasm. This time, my soul left me, and god himself said "child, it is not your time, go back to the lil pink light." (Mind you, im agnostic.) I'm brought back into my earthly body after managing to pull it off me throwing it across my bed, it falls to the floor, still buzzing happily away. I shook for a good 5 minutes, i couldn't get up off the bed if even wanted to. I stared at my ceiling dazed trying to remember who i am and what year is this I get up to clean up and realize in my seizure like orgasms, i hurt my hip and back. Im still hobbling 4 hours later I did not stretch enough. So in conclusion, this met and exceeded expectations. Hydrate, make sure you don't have to do anything that involves decisions or brainpower for the rest of the day. And for the love of god, stretch like you are about to run the 500 meter dash Read less 350 people found this helpful Mom’s Honest Review About Vibrator On Amazon Was So Good It Sold Out
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Birthday, Drunk, and Blacked: You will suffer me. When my wife says she doesn't want to put up with me getting blacked out drunk on my birthday this year

When my wife says she doesn't want to put up with me getting blacked out drunk on my birthday this year

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Blacked, Hobbit, and Home: A Hobbit Lay Here Me looking at my bed the morning after I blacked out, piecing together my night and realizing I took home a midget.

Me looking at my bed the morning after I blacked out, piecing together my night and realizing I took home a midget.

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Doctor, Jail, and Parents: 86% C T-Mobile LTE T-Mobile LTE 12:52 PM 12:53 PM 85% C1.8k T, Share 1.8k Share 191 191 orry, I call bullshit. 3. You can't get consent from parents if there are no parents, and I gave consent to run tests. (results above) veryone but you and ED died as a result of that rash? You were blacked out for an unspecified 4.no I don't get updates because I didn't to be imount of time with no long-lasting brain anywhere near the ED, and I'm legally obligated to not show up to court if there's enough evidence to put him in jail. I hope this our parents? As the lone surviving victim, you answers your questions. lamage? What tests were they running, specially without conscious consent from you o ave no current updates of what happened to ED specially in court? -2 Reply 8 In 45 minutes? A trained professional fighter is in immediate, vegetative-state danger if they're out for over a few seconds. 13m 30m Ga 1. I was out for about 45 minutes according to the doctor 2. I suffer from PTSD, Slurred speech and anosmia from moderate TBI, and a leg brace that I have to wear permanently (well I have to get a new one every couple years due to growth) How do you give consent for tests if you're unconscious? There was a doctor who was running tests on you when you woke up, right? So which came first? Consent or tests? 3. You can't get consent from parents if there are no parents, and I gave consent to run tests. (results above) So you, the lone surviving victim, had zero part in his court hearings or proceedings? Maybe I'm just unfamiliar with how the courts work from where you're from, but that's unheard of to me. 4. no I don't get updates because I didn't to be anywhere near the ED, and I'm legally obligated to not show up to court if there's enough evidence to put him in jail. I hope this dd a comment dd a comment On an entitled parent story about how someone lost their parents in an accident (right to left)
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