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Aww, Bless Up, and Emoji: r/aww u/ButZebrasCantSmell 18h i.redd.it This little guy followed me home and then fell asleep on my lap, so l guess I have a dog now @DrSmashlove See bruv it’s two reactions u get from ladies when u laying pipe for the first time and bust a lil early. Type 1: she hear u moan and groan and let loose the juice and she just do this grin: 😌. Like “it’s ok baby I understand 😌 this Nani feels like silk soaked in honey and coated in mango juice 😌 I don’t expect u to last more than a few strokes 😌 it’s the price of having A1 Nani 😌.” Like that’s literally what this emoji was based off of - it’s the “it’s ok my adorable Minute Man 😌” emoji 😂. Now then, Type 2: she ain’t playing bruv. Type 2 came here for some proper pipe and yo early arrival mean u just deprived her of the value of her investment. She ain’t having it. U let out half a moan - not even a full moan and groan - just literally “AHP-“ and her eyes turn red. Her face morph into the face of a she-devil 👹. Horns emerge straight on her head top. And she always say the same thing: “NOT...YET!!!! 👿” and then she hit u with the Type 2 leg lock Bruv. She wrap her arms and legs around u like: “YOU MINUTE MAN LOOKIN A$$ I’M NOT GON LET U PULL OUT IMMA HAVE YO BABY TO TEACH U A LESSON ABOUT BUSTING EARLY U THOUGHT SH!T WAS SWEET WELL LEMME TELL U HOW SWEET: EVERY TIME U LOOK IN THE FACE OF THIS BABY U GON REMEMBER THE TIME U THOUGHT IT WAS OK TO BUST AFTER A FEW STROKES - HELL NAW - NOW GIMME THIS WORK AND LET ME NAME THIS BABY WITHOUT CONSULTING U. “Zeena”. ISSA GREEK NAME THAT MEANS “stranger, guest” WHICH IS APPROPRIATE BECAUSE IMMA HAVE FULL CUSTODY AND U GON SHOW UP WITH MY MONTHLY SUPPORT AS A GUEST IN A CRIB *YOU* PAYING FOR HOWBOWDAH 👿.” And u thinking “naw baby relax it’s all good round 2 gon be amazing 😬” and she just like “sorry I had other plans after this, expect to get served with a DNA test in 9 months bless up.” Type 2 ladies imma need y’all to learn from yo Type 1 sisters. Embrace the fact that your Nani A1. Give him another chance. U ain’t gotta go off and have his baby to teach him a lesson - let him cool his jets and give u the bidness one mo ‘gain. And if he bust early, cut him off forever. AND THEN DM ME IMMEEJALLY BECAUSE IT MEAN U GOT THAT UNICORN NANI AND WE SHOULD GET MARRIED AND HAVE CHIRREN BLESS UP 🤗😂😂😂
Aww, Bless Up, and Emoji: r/aww
 u/ButZebrasCantSmell 18h i.redd.it
 This little guy followed me home and
 then fell asleep on my lap, so l guess I
 have a dog now
 @DrSmashlove
See bruv it’s two reactions u get from ladies when u laying pipe for the first time and bust a lil early. Type 1: she hear u moan and groan and let loose the juice and she just do this grin: 😌. Like “it’s ok baby I understand 😌 this Nani feels like silk soaked in honey and coated in mango juice 😌 I don’t expect u to last more than a few strokes 😌 it’s the price of having A1 Nani 😌.” Like that’s literally what this emoji was based off of - it’s the “it’s ok my adorable Minute Man 😌” emoji 😂. Now then, Type 2: she ain’t playing bruv. Type 2 came here for some proper pipe and yo early arrival mean u just deprived her of the value of her investment. She ain’t having it. U let out half a moan - not even a full moan and groan - just literally “AHP-“ and her eyes turn red. Her face morph into the face of a she-devil 👹. Horns emerge straight on her head top. And she always say the same thing: “NOT...YET!!!! 👿” and then she hit u with the Type 2 leg lock Bruv. She wrap her arms and legs around u like: “YOU MINUTE MAN LOOKIN A$$ I’M NOT GON LET U PULL OUT IMMA HAVE YO BABY TO TEACH U A LESSON ABOUT BUSTING EARLY U THOUGHT SH!T WAS SWEET WELL LEMME TELL U HOW SWEET: EVERY TIME U LOOK IN THE FACE OF THIS BABY U GON REMEMBER THE TIME U THOUGHT IT WAS OK TO BUST AFTER A FEW STROKES - HELL NAW - NOW GIMME THIS WORK AND LET ME NAME THIS BABY WITHOUT CONSULTING U. “Zeena”. ISSA GREEK NAME THAT MEANS “stranger, guest” WHICH IS APPROPRIATE BECAUSE IMMA HAVE FULL CUSTODY AND U GON SHOW UP WITH MY MONTHLY SUPPORT AS A GUEST IN A CRIB *YOU* PAYING FOR HOWBOWDAH 👿.” And u thinking “naw baby relax it’s all good round 2 gon be amazing 😬” and she just like “sorry I had other plans after this, expect to get served with a DNA test in 9 months bless up.” Type 2 ladies imma need y’all to learn from yo Type 1 sisters. Embrace the fact that your Nani A1. Give him another chance. U ain’t gotta go off and have his baby to teach him a lesson - let him cool his jets and give u the bidness one mo ‘gain. And if he bust early, cut him off forever. AND THEN DM ME IMMEEJALLY BECAUSE IT MEAN U GOT THAT UNICORN NANI AND WE SHOULD GET MARRIED AND HAVE CHIRREN BLESS UP 🤗😂😂😂

See bruv it’s two reactions u get from ladies when u laying pipe for the first time and bust a lil early. Type 1: she hear u moan and groan ...

Animals, Ass, and Be Like: u/AndrewY17 1d i.redd.it This is why i cant get house @DrSmashlove A lot of times at work when u ask somebody how they doing, they say “ok”, “eh”, “I’m alright”, “TIRED LOL”, “ugh”, “is it Friday yet”. U feel me? U reply in a slouchy, exhausted manner. But see Bruh one of my partners at the firm named Todd, he ain’t like that. He small. Real small, like if u had a running start and played soccer as a kid, u could punt the him across the city lol. But he always got a fresh haircut. Always rock a nice pastel Hermès tie with lil animals on it. Always got his shoes shined. And when u ask him how he doing, he got one reply, always: “KILLING IT.” I’m dead ass. That’s what he say every time: “KILLING IT” 😂. Sometimes he say it aggressively: “KILLING IT 😳.” Sometimes he say it in a sing-songy manner: “killing it ☺️.” But regardless, it’s always the same. Homeboy is a caveman. Don’t let the Ferragamo loafers fool u. He got his spear out and he ready to slay this MF Work. He ain’t doing work. He bout to GIVE U THIS WORK. U feel me? U GON GET ALL THIS WORK 😂. He gon talk his sh!t and he gon dance. And that’s what he do. I’ve pitched clients with him and dude’s talk game is majestic. He pitch clients in areas of work we never done before and he make it sound like this is all we do. I ask him “bruv. How did u just do that? We don’t even do this type of work?” And he say “smash, relax. We’ll ‘ham and egg’ it.” I don’t eat pork but I know exactly what dude mean and I say it all the time. It means “we’ll figure it out.” Be like Todd bruv. Get into work. Kill it. Never be intimidated by something u never done before. Identify a co worker with experience in this area and say “hey Karen can I take you to coffee and chat a little bit about a task I’ve been assigned that I haven’t done before?” She’ll never turn u down. NOBODY TURN DOWN FREE PUMPKIN SPICE LATTES IN OCTOBER LOL. Investment: $4. Return on investment: immeasurable, because U gained a skill set. Kill it. Ham and Egg it. (Halal ham tho. Like ham made from beef 🤗😂). Be enthusiastic. Be a winner. U get me! Bless up! 😍😂😂😂
Animals, Ass, and Be Like: u/AndrewY17 1d i.redd.it
 This is why i cant get
 house
 @DrSmashlove
A lot of times at work when u ask somebody how they doing, they say “ok”, “eh”, “I’m alright”, “TIRED LOL”, “ugh”, “is it Friday yet”. U feel me? U reply in a slouchy, exhausted manner. But see Bruh one of my partners at the firm named Todd, he ain’t like that. He small. Real small, like if u had a running start and played soccer as a kid, u could punt the him across the city lol. But he always got a fresh haircut. Always rock a nice pastel Hermès tie with lil animals on it. Always got his shoes shined. And when u ask him how he doing, he got one reply, always: “KILLING IT.” I’m dead ass. That’s what he say every time: “KILLING IT” 😂. Sometimes he say it aggressively: “KILLING IT 😳.” Sometimes he say it in a sing-songy manner: “killing it ☺️.” But regardless, it’s always the same. Homeboy is a caveman. Don’t let the Ferragamo loafers fool u. He got his spear out and he ready to slay this MF Work. He ain’t doing work. He bout to GIVE U THIS WORK. U feel me? U GON GET ALL THIS WORK 😂. He gon talk his sh!t and he gon dance. And that’s what he do. I’ve pitched clients with him and dude’s talk game is majestic. He pitch clients in areas of work we never done before and he make it sound like this is all we do. I ask him “bruv. How did u just do that? We don’t even do this type of work?” And he say “smash, relax. We’ll ‘ham and egg’ it.” I don’t eat pork but I know exactly what dude mean and I say it all the time. It means “we’ll figure it out.” Be like Todd bruv. Get into work. Kill it. Never be intimidated by something u never done before. Identify a co worker with experience in this area and say “hey Karen can I take you to coffee and chat a little bit about a task I’ve been assigned that I haven’t done before?” She’ll never turn u down. NOBODY TURN DOWN FREE PUMPKIN SPICE LATTES IN OCTOBER LOL. Investment: $4. Return on investment: immeasurable, because U gained a skill set. Kill it. Ham and Egg it. (Halal ham tho. Like ham made from beef 🤗😂). Be enthusiastic. Be a winner. U get me! Bless up! 😍😂😂😂

A lot of times at work when u ask somebody how they doing, they say “ok”, “eh”, “I’m alright”, “TIRED LOL”, “ugh”, “is it Friday yet”. U fee...

Aww, Bad, and Be Like: r/aww u/highimallaudin 2d i.redd.it My buddies steering wheel dog sleeping on the Mule @DrSmashlove So I started watching this show Ozarks on the stairmaster and in the first episode we learn that the wife, an olderish white woman, is having an affair. What’s the nickname she calls her side piece? “Sugarwood.” BRUV 😂. I’m done. I’m physically, mentally, emotionally done. “Daddy” is over. It’s cancelled. From now on u if u deal with me u gotta call me “Honeysuckle PP”. U feel me? Imma need more effort put into it. These older ladies making y’all look bad. Don’t be calling yo man “daddy” and then u grab his phone and find out some cougar calling him “Agave Papi” u gon have to re-evaluate yo whole life u thought shit was sweet now u found out Susan who is twice-divorced and live six floors above u giving yo man lovey dovey names and shit. “Mango Mamba”. U feel me? Susan gon be saucy about it too. She gon see u in the mailroom like “Hi Beth! Where was Steven last night?” And U gon be like “ummmm...CrossFit, then he came home to me, why?” And Susan gon eye u up and giggle like “no sweetie Steven was in my apartment bending me over my Restoration Hardeare sectional. FYI. And btw my man loves it when I call him Mango Mamba. Sorry hehe. OUR man. Toodles 🤗. Cmon Charlie...” and Charlie the poodle gon just look at u and grin like “she ain’t lyin, I seent the whole thing - please don’t make me answer for Susan, she crazy - but low key u coulda gave yo man a cuter nickname JUST SAYIN. ARF...HEH HEH!!” YOUNG LADIES, THESE OLDER WOMEN COMING FOR U. YALL GON HAVE TO BE MORE POETIC. STEP UP YO NICKNAME GAME IMMEEJALLY. IMMA LEAVE YALL WITH THAT. Y’all been warned 🤗. BLESS UP 😂😂😂
Aww, Bad, and Be Like: r/aww
 u/highimallaudin 2d i.redd.it
 My buddies
 steering wheel
 dog sleeping on the Mule
 @DrSmashlove
So I started watching this show Ozarks on the stairmaster and in the first episode we learn that the wife, an olderish white woman, is having an affair. What’s the nickname she calls her side piece? “Sugarwood.” BRUV 😂. I’m done. I’m physically, mentally, emotionally done. “Daddy” is over. It’s cancelled. From now on u if u deal with me u gotta call me “Honeysuckle PP”. U feel me? Imma need more effort put into it. These older ladies making y’all look bad. Don’t be calling yo man “daddy” and then u grab his phone and find out some cougar calling him “Agave Papi” u gon have to re-evaluate yo whole life u thought shit was sweet now u found out Susan who is twice-divorced and live six floors above u giving yo man lovey dovey names and shit. “Mango Mamba”. U feel me? Susan gon be saucy about it too. She gon see u in the mailroom like “Hi Beth! Where was Steven last night?” And U gon be like “ummmm...CrossFit, then he came home to me, why?” And Susan gon eye u up and giggle like “no sweetie Steven was in my apartment bending me over my Restoration Hardeare sectional. FYI. And btw my man loves it when I call him Mango Mamba. Sorry hehe. OUR man. Toodles 🤗. Cmon Charlie...” and Charlie the poodle gon just look at u and grin like “she ain’t lyin, I seent the whole thing - please don’t make me answer for Susan, she crazy - but low key u coulda gave yo man a cuter nickname JUST SAYIN. ARF...HEH HEH!!” YOUNG LADIES, THESE OLDER WOMEN COMING FOR U. YALL GON HAVE TO BE MORE POETIC. STEP UP YO NICKNAME GAME IMMEEJALLY. IMMA LEAVE YALL WITH THAT. Y’all been warned 🤗. BLESS UP 😂😂😂

So I started watching this show Ozarks on the stairmaster and in the first episode we learn that the wife, an olderish white woman, is havin...

Asian, Ass, and Baseball: My tow truck driver and his lil buddy. Pic: reddit u/Slowhand09 @DrSmashlove Aight. Two real quick follow-ups on my post about girls and sports (from Sunday.) First, I take back the comment about hairy armpits on women. Ladies - if u love yo natural body - I love it too. Or if u identify as a gender that doesn’t match your biological sex (thank u to my lil homegirl for explaining this to me), I love u too. If u EVER come to this page and feel “othered” or ostracized, tell me! It’s never my intent. Sometimes my lack of intellect and understanding translates the love in my heart into words that can be hurtful, and I ALWAYS expect y’all to teach me and educate me so I can be a better man out here. Second, I implied that the prototypic female sports fan has a blond pony tail sticking out the back of her baseball cap. My extremely wise sister from another mister @tamashar quickly pointed out that she’s a football fan and does not, in fact, have a blond pony tail. It is axiomatic that it’s sisters out here that love sports. The thing is, when I write, I imagine a story in my head, and I type it out and give it to y’all. So I imagined a loud ass blond girl at a Wrigleyville bar in a faded cubs cap wearing her ex boyfriend’s oversized J Crew hoodie (that she kept because FVCK HIM 🤗) barking loudly and drunkenly about her favorite (and least favorite) cubs players: “OMG GET RID OF PEDRO STROP ALREADY HE’S SUCH A - *WHY* DOES MADDON PUT HIM IN - HE SUCKS - CAN I GET A STELLA OR WHAT I NEED A DRINKY - Oh shit Kelly - kyle texted me - gotta go lol cover my beer baby byeeeee” <— if u got a girl like this in yo squad, tag her 🤗. Anyway I never meant to exclude my sisters, my Latinas, my Asian home girls, etc - they all got ladies that will school u - smash is never exclusionary only inclusionary. That’s all I got. Now don’t comment “SMASH STOP APOLOGIZING” - I don’t do it to be politically correct! (scroll back and tell me if I’ve EVER been politically correct 😂) - I make these statement to show GROWTH and I hope I never stop growing! I’ve always been a grower 🍌 bless up 😍😂😂😂
Asian, Ass, and Baseball: My tow truck driver and his lil buddy.
 Pic: reddit u/Slowhand09
 @DrSmashlove
Aight. Two real quick follow-ups on my post about girls and sports (from Sunday.) First, I take back the comment about hairy armpits on women. Ladies - if u love yo natural body - I love it too. Or if u identify as a gender that doesn’t match your biological sex (thank u to my lil homegirl for explaining this to me), I love u too. If u EVER come to this page and feel “othered” or ostracized, tell me! It’s never my intent. Sometimes my lack of intellect and understanding translates the love in my heart into words that can be hurtful, and I ALWAYS expect y’all to teach me and educate me so I can be a better man out here. Second, I implied that the prototypic female sports fan has a blond pony tail sticking out the back of her baseball cap. My extremely wise sister from another mister @tamashar quickly pointed out that she’s a football fan and does not, in fact, have a blond pony tail. It is axiomatic that it’s sisters out here that love sports. The thing is, when I write, I imagine a story in my head, and I type it out and give it to y’all. So I imagined a loud ass blond girl at a Wrigleyville bar in a faded cubs cap wearing her ex boyfriend’s oversized J Crew hoodie (that she kept because FVCK HIM 🤗) barking loudly and drunkenly about her favorite (and least favorite) cubs players: “OMG GET RID OF PEDRO STROP ALREADY HE’S SUCH A - *WHY* DOES MADDON PUT HIM IN - HE SUCKS - CAN I GET A STELLA OR WHAT I NEED A DRINKY - Oh shit Kelly - kyle texted me - gotta go lol cover my beer baby byeeeee” <— if u got a girl like this in yo squad, tag her 🤗. Anyway I never meant to exclude my sisters, my Latinas, my Asian home girls, etc - they all got ladies that will school u - smash is never exclusionary only inclusionary. That’s all I got. Now don’t comment “SMASH STOP APOLOGIZING” - I don’t do it to be politically correct! (scroll back and tell me if I’ve EVER been politically correct 😂) - I make these statement to show GROWTH and I hope I never stop growing! I’ve always been a grower 🍌 bless up 😍😂😂😂

Aight. Two real quick follow-ups on my post about girls and sports (from Sunday.) First, I take back the comment about hairy armpits on wome...

Anaconda, Ass, and Baseball: u/Thigpenology 1d i.redd.it I met this local wet-nosed pup at the bar, his name is Smudge @DrSmashlove Playoff baseball is upon us. Now some of u ladies who grew up with brothers and-or a father (who was actually present 🤗) already know a thing or two about sports. Matter fact y’all know a LOT about sports, y’all be at the bars with your blond pony tail hanging out the back of your cubs snap back recalling stats like a cot damn baseball announcer lol. But some of y’all - like me (raised with sisters 🙋‍♂️😂) - don’t know shiiiiiiiiit. Zero. Nada. And that’s completely fine! Sports are gay! (No offense to sports fans or homosexuals - I’m just saying let’s call it what it is - if u a man who spend his days admiring men in tight pants then u a lil gay! Just a lil bit 👌😂). But anyway when it come to baseball it’s one way to easily cheat and participate in any baseball discussion. As soon as a discussion about an impending baseball game come up, say one thing. Just one. U ready? “Who’s pitching?” Bam. BAM. Wind that boy up and let his ass go. Watch his ass talk for 45 MINUTES about the pitchers on both sides. “Well for the Nats it’s Strasburg - dude is INCREDIBLE - fastballs over 100 mph” etc etc until you fall asleep face down in yo burger and fries u feel me? But u let him talk. That’s all it is - talking. I go out on dates and afterward the girl be like “we clicked - you’re amazing - talking to u felt so natural ☺️” and I’m thinking “yeah bish because I ain’t talk! You talked and I nodded! U talked enuf for both of us witchoe tawkin ass!” 😂 But real talk just say it with me: “who’s pitching?” And let him talk his sh!t. And watch him text his family the next day talmbout “OMG I MET A GIRL NAMED MEGAN AND SHE’S BEAUTIFUL AND SHE LOVES BASEBALL” and his sister Karen just like “finally! You ex Kelly hated baseball! That b!tch!” Now y’all getting married. U feel me? U choosing bridesmaids dresses and picking appetizers for the wedding off of “who’s pitching?” Warning: don’t say “who’s on the mound?” That’s a little too manly baby girl u don’t want him thinking yo armpits hairy lol. “who’s on the mound?” That’s like calling him “bro” ... like Bryson Tiller said: “Don’t.” Who’s pitching? Now go get married Megan bless up 😍😂😂😂
Anaconda, Ass, and Baseball: u/Thigpenology 1d i.redd.it
 I met this local wet-nosed pup at the bar, his
 name is Smudge
 @DrSmashlove
Playoff baseball is upon us. Now some of u ladies who grew up with brothers and-or a father (who was actually present 🤗) already know a thing or two about sports. Matter fact y’all know a LOT about sports, y’all be at the bars with your blond pony tail hanging out the back of your cubs snap back recalling stats like a cot damn baseball announcer lol. But some of y’all - like me (raised with sisters 🙋‍♂️😂) - don’t know shiiiiiiiiit. Zero. Nada. And that’s completely fine! Sports are gay! (No offense to sports fans or homosexuals - I’m just saying let’s call it what it is - if u a man who spend his days admiring men in tight pants then u a lil gay! Just a lil bit 👌😂). But anyway when it come to baseball it’s one way to easily cheat and participate in any baseball discussion. As soon as a discussion about an impending baseball game come up, say one thing. Just one. U ready? “Who’s pitching?” Bam. BAM. Wind that boy up and let his ass go. Watch his ass talk for 45 MINUTES about the pitchers on both sides. “Well for the Nats it’s Strasburg - dude is INCREDIBLE - fastballs over 100 mph” etc etc until you fall asleep face down in yo burger and fries u feel me? But u let him talk. That’s all it is - talking. I go out on dates and afterward the girl be like “we clicked - you’re amazing - talking to u felt so natural ☺️” and I’m thinking “yeah bish because I ain’t talk! You talked and I nodded! U talked enuf for both of us witchoe tawkin ass!” 😂 But real talk just say it with me: “who’s pitching?” And let him talk his sh!t. And watch him text his family the next day talmbout “OMG I MET A GIRL NAMED MEGAN AND SHE’S BEAUTIFUL AND SHE LOVES BASEBALL” and his sister Karen just like “finally! You ex Kelly hated baseball! That b!tch!” Now y’all getting married. U feel me? U choosing bridesmaids dresses and picking appetizers for the wedding off of “who’s pitching?” Warning: don’t say “who’s on the mound?” That’s a little too manly baby girl u don’t want him thinking yo armpits hairy lol. “who’s on the mound?” That’s like calling him “bro” ... like Bryson Tiller said: “Don’t.” Who’s pitching? Now go get married Megan bless up 😍😂😂😂

Playoff baseball is upon us. Now some of u ladies who grew up with brothers and-or a father (who was actually present 🤗) already know a thin...

Af, Bless Up, and Bodies : u/EyeBrowsReddit84 ld i.redd.it A three hour drive to the ocean is worth it for old man Stan. I’m worried I’ve opened a flood gate with y’all and that the hygiene discussion will never end - one of my lil homegirls text me saying imma need to start a whole new IG account on hygiene only 😩. With that said one of my followers commented today: “I’m dying😂😂😂I sent a guy into the shower once after he unzipped his pants and I caught a sniff of his sweaty HAIRY balls. I told him to clean himself and shave. He came out with bald patches and kinky patches that still stunk🤢🤢🤢”. Ok this raises two extremely important points, lemme address them in turn. (1) Some of y’all don’t know how to shower and need a full aura reboot - reset - recleanse. Go directly to Traders Joe. Buy a bottle of Dr. Bronner’s peppermint liquid wash. This shit will strip paint off cars. Turn the shower as hot as it go (UNLESS u live in the housing projects then DON’T DO THIS - project water get hot af lol I assume no responsibility for u cooking yourself.) Squirt a palm full of Dr. Bronners. Now physically violate the inside space between yo balls and yo thigh and also yo a$$ crack. Some of y’all have never since yo mama stopped bathing u actually washed this area properly. Go deep. Make it hurt a little. U feel me? Go hard. (2) For some of y’all the overall nastiness has seeped and stained into your body hair and now that body hair is a repository for stankariffic stankotry. When I said on here I shave my pits and PP some of u women got on here like “NOOOO PUBIC HAIR IS SEXY EW!” Yeah. Till u with Nasty Ned who make u vomit from his pube hair smell. Hand Ned a razor and a bar of soap. Ned, shave it all from the neck down. It’s rebirthing time. P.s. as I’ve detailed in previous posts, the Dr. Bronner’s soap is so potent that it will burn a lil bit when u pee. This isn’t an STD. This is the opening of yo PP finally being clean. Some of your bodies won’t be used to this and it will take adjustment but it will be worth it AF, I promise y’all - CLEANLINESS IS HOLINESS BLESS UP 😍😂😂😂
Af, Bless Up, and Bodies : u/EyeBrowsReddit84 ld i.redd.it
 A three hour drive to the ocean is worth it for
 old man Stan.
I’m worried I’ve opened a flood gate with y’all and that the hygiene discussion will never end - one of my lil homegirls text me saying imma need to start a whole new IG account on hygiene only 😩. With that said one of my followers commented today: “I’m dying😂😂😂I sent a guy into the shower once after he unzipped his pants and I caught a sniff of his sweaty HAIRY balls. I told him to clean himself and shave. He came out with bald patches and kinky patches that still stunk🤢🤢🤢”. Ok this raises two extremely important points, lemme address them in turn. (1) Some of y’all don’t know how to shower and need a full aura reboot - reset - recleanse. Go directly to Traders Joe. Buy a bottle of Dr. Bronner’s peppermint liquid wash. This shit will strip paint off cars. Turn the shower as hot as it go (UNLESS u live in the housing projects then DON’T DO THIS - project water get hot af lol I assume no responsibility for u cooking yourself.) Squirt a palm full of Dr. Bronners. Now physically violate the inside space between yo balls and yo thigh and also yo a$$ crack. Some of y’all have never since yo mama stopped bathing u actually washed this area properly. Go deep. Make it hurt a little. U feel me? Go hard. (2) For some of y’all the overall nastiness has seeped and stained into your body hair and now that body hair is a repository for stankariffic stankotry. When I said on here I shave my pits and PP some of u women got on here like “NOOOO PUBIC HAIR IS SEXY EW!” Yeah. Till u with Nasty Ned who make u vomit from his pube hair smell. Hand Ned a razor and a bar of soap. Ned, shave it all from the neck down. It’s rebirthing time. P.s. as I’ve detailed in previous posts, the Dr. Bronner’s soap is so potent that it will burn a lil bit when u pee. This isn’t an STD. This is the opening of yo PP finally being clean. Some of your bodies won’t be used to this and it will take adjustment but it will be worth it AF, I promise y’all - CLEANLINESS IS HOLINESS BLESS UP 😍😂😂😂

I’m worried I’ve opened a flood gate with y’all and that the hygiene discussion will never end - one of my lil homegirls text me saying imma...

Aww, Bad, and Bless Up: r/aww u/bad_girlz ld imgur 150 Pound French Mastiff gets a kiss from a 6 pound Chihuahua Yesterday I discussed the poor hygiene of some of my brothers out here whose PPs is uncut. One of my followers had this to say: “I went to a dude's place for a wake up call and he knew I was coming. Pulled that skin back, and there was literally sh!t the consistency of- *BAM*. The smell hit and I started heaving and had to run to the bathroom. He had the nerve to try to clean himself, but the smell was either permeating his room or stuck in my nostrils\lungs\long-term memory. He took me to Olive Garden (because pasta and breadsticks usually makes me forget everything), but I saw some white sauce and started heaving at the table. Like, the drools started bruh. I think it was literally the last time we attempted $ex and our fvckship ended soon after. He's somewhere with no job and live with a brother at 41 years of age. His life could have been worth more if he cleaned himself that morning.” Ok. Hol up. Lemme just...lemme catch my breath...and...lemme...HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHA FVCK. 😂 NAW. NAW NAW NAW 😂. As basic Caucasian women say: “literally dead”. As the big homie Popiando would say, “deadass b. The Deadest of Asses.” I read this and my soul exited my body. Literally I exhaled my last breath and my soul said “bish I’m meeting God now” and my soul got to the gates of Heaven and Gabriel said“WHO IS YOUR LORD!” and I tried to say “there is no deity except God” and instead I opened my mouth and said “the ting goes SCREEEE RA PAT PAT PAT PAK CAC CA” and Gabriel flung me into Hell Bruh. Deceased. Let’s recount: (1) PP smelled like a Funeral Home and Crematorium for roadkill skunks. (2) Even the finest of middle class fancy dinners could not repair the damage. (3) After this incident, his entire life crumbled and he is now not only stinky but homeless, depressed, unemployed and desperate. I’m still dead. I still haven’t recovered. Y’all out here stroking my ego saying I’m funny...THIS IS THE FUNNIEST THING I HAVE EVER READ. MEN: DOVE SOAP. WARM WATER. YALL OUT HERE ALTERING THE ENTIRE TRAJECTORY OF YA LIFE OFF YA PP SMELL. SHOWER NOW BEFORE IT’S TOO LATE. YALL BEEN WARNED 🤗 (credit the genius @tamashar - Big Sis! U murdered me 😂 bless up 😂😂😂)
Aww, Bad, and Bless Up: r/aww
 u/bad_girlz ld imgur
 150 Pound French Mastiff gets a kiss
 from a 6 pound Chihuahua
Yesterday I discussed the poor hygiene of some of my brothers out here whose PPs is uncut. One of my followers had this to say: “I went to a dude's place for a wake up call and he knew I was coming. Pulled that skin back, and there was literally sh!t the consistency of- *BAM*. The smell hit and I started heaving and had to run to the bathroom. He had the nerve to try to clean himself, but the smell was either permeating his room or stuck in my nostrils\lungs\long-term memory. He took me to Olive Garden (because pasta and breadsticks usually makes me forget everything), but I saw some white sauce and started heaving at the table. Like, the drools started bruh. I think it was literally the last time we attempted $ex and our fvckship ended soon after. He's somewhere with no job and live with a brother at 41 years of age. His life could have been worth more if he cleaned himself that morning.” Ok. Hol up. Lemme just...lemme catch my breath...and...lemme...HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHA FVCK. 😂 NAW. NAW NAW NAW 😂. As basic Caucasian women say: “literally dead”. As the big homie Popiando would say, “deadass b. The Deadest of Asses.” I read this and my soul exited my body. Literally I exhaled my last breath and my soul said “bish I’m meeting God now” and my soul got to the gates of Heaven and Gabriel said“WHO IS YOUR LORD!” and I tried to say “there is no deity except God” and instead I opened my mouth and said “the ting goes SCREEEE RA PAT PAT PAT PAK CAC CA” and Gabriel flung me into Hell Bruh. Deceased. Let’s recount: (1) PP smelled like a Funeral Home and Crematorium for roadkill skunks. (2) Even the finest of middle class fancy dinners could not repair the damage. (3) After this incident, his entire life crumbled and he is now not only stinky but homeless, depressed, unemployed and desperate. I’m still dead. I still haven’t recovered. Y’all out here stroking my ego saying I’m funny...THIS IS THE FUNNIEST THING I HAVE EVER READ. MEN: DOVE SOAP. WARM WATER. YALL OUT HERE ALTERING THE ENTIRE TRAJECTORY OF YA LIFE OFF YA PP SMELL. SHOWER NOW BEFORE IT’S TOO LATE. YALL BEEN WARNED 🤗 (credit the genius @tamashar - Big Sis! U murdered me 😂 bless up 😂😂😂)

Yesterday I discussed the poor hygiene of some of my brothers out here whose PPs is uncut. One of my followers had this to say: “I went to a...

Bless Up, Costco, and Doctor: The many faces of derp The hygiene discussion continues. My lil homegirl text me this morning: “Hahaah omg smash! My friends have encountered a few guys lately that aren't circumsized and don't wash well..... how does someone not notice!???” Now men if y’all possess Thee Natural Foreskin nine times out of ten it’s yo mama’s fault - she was just following cultural norms and told the OB “whoa derr...you ain’t chopping off my son’s foreskin” and the doctor followed mama’s wishes and left lil man’s PP intact. For instance my Dominican homie told me that most Dominicans leave the PP skin intact. My lil Armenian homegirl told me that Armenian men are 50-50, sometimes Cleanie Weenie, sometimes Cheesy Weasy u feel me? Personally I’m Cleanie Weenie but I respect all cultures. Regardless, it’s on a grown man to assess the cleanliness of his situation and cleanse accordingly. Men if u all-natural uncut imma need u to boil some water in the microwave. Put a towel over your head and breathe that steam nice and deep to cleanse the nasal passage. Then take a cup full of coffee beans just like they got at Sephora and take a nice deep breath to cleanse yo palette. Then wait a few seconds, drop ya drawls, bend all the way over so yo nostrils is closest to yo PP, pull the covering back, and inhale deeply. If it smell like Dove soap bruv...lilacs and lavender and almond butter coconut essence? U good money. On the other hand if it smell like that sliced cheese assortment u copped at Costco for a party one time bc u felt like u grown and u gon serve wine and cheese at a party but u had left over cheese from the platter so u stuffed it in the back left corner of the fridge behind the strawberries and bread and u find it eight months later and it got a farm of green foliage growing on it Bruv and u took one whiff and u wanted to vomit ... if yo PP smell like an expired grown-and-sexy Costco cheese platter Bruv? YOU NEED TO CLEANSE YASELF. Just warm water and soap. Shit ain’t rocket science. RIP to the dignity of the poor women that u subject to your CheesyPP — Susan B Anthony ain’t die for this. WE CAN DO BETTER. BLESS UP 🤞😂😂😂
Bless Up, Costco, and Doctor: The many faces of derp
The hygiene discussion continues. My lil homegirl text me this morning: “Hahaah omg smash! My friends have encountered a few guys lately that aren't circumsized and don't wash well..... how does someone not notice!???” Now men if y’all possess Thee Natural Foreskin nine times out of ten it’s yo mama’s fault - she was just following cultural norms and told the OB “whoa derr...you ain’t chopping off my son’s foreskin” and the doctor followed mama’s wishes and left lil man’s PP intact. For instance my Dominican homie told me that most Dominicans leave the PP skin intact. My lil Armenian homegirl told me that Armenian men are 50-50, sometimes Cleanie Weenie, sometimes Cheesy Weasy u feel me? Personally I’m Cleanie Weenie but I respect all cultures. Regardless, it’s on a grown man to assess the cleanliness of his situation and cleanse accordingly. Men if u all-natural uncut imma need u to boil some water in the microwave. Put a towel over your head and breathe that steam nice and deep to cleanse the nasal passage. Then take a cup full of coffee beans just like they got at Sephora and take a nice deep breath to cleanse yo palette. Then wait a few seconds, drop ya drawls, bend all the way over so yo nostrils is closest to yo PP, pull the covering back, and inhale deeply. If it smell like Dove soap bruv...lilacs and lavender and almond butter coconut essence? U good money. On the other hand if it smell like that sliced cheese assortment u copped at Costco for a party one time bc u felt like u grown and u gon serve wine and cheese at a party but u had left over cheese from the platter so u stuffed it in the back left corner of the fridge behind the strawberries and bread and u find it eight months later and it got a farm of green foliage growing on it Bruv and u took one whiff and u wanted to vomit ... if yo PP smell like an expired grown-and-sexy Costco cheese platter Bruv? YOU NEED TO CLEANSE YASELF. Just warm water and soap. Shit ain’t rocket science. RIP to the dignity of the poor women that u subject to your CheesyPP — Susan B Anthony ain’t die for this. WE CAN DO BETTER. BLESS UP 🤞😂😂😂

The hygiene discussion continues. My lil homegirl text me this morning: “Hahaah omg smash! My friends have encountered a few guys lately tha...

Ass, Bailey Jay, and Bless Up: Happiest mug shot ever! Part 3. To get rid of them insecurities, be specific about what yo man do that make him special. "OMG the way u [___]? NOBODY HAS EVER MADE ME FEEL THAT WAY BEFORE." Bam. Like the Somali dude in the tom hank movie said, He da Captain now. And if it ain't sexual, make it sweet. "Baby you have set the bar for how I need to be loved." U feel me? Men are delicate like a porcelain vase bruv - telling him he ruined u in some way will get u hella points. Airline points. Pretty soon u have platinum status (💍) and a companion pass - u feel me? But that's still Level 2 fixing. Y'all want Level 1 fixing? BE HELLA VAGUE ABOUT YO PERSONAL LIFE. U DON'T OWE HIM SHIT. AND FOR GOD'S SAKE DON'T VOLUNTEER SH!T. I can't say this strongly enuf. Y'all on break? BE VAGUE. He ask about exes? BE VAGUE. Remember that u dealing with a delicate and jealous man-child. The same way yo mama would say she forgot her purse when y'all see the ice cream man bc she don't wanna buy u ice cream every time and spoil u (white lie), do the same thing: "baby I'm really just taking this time on break to think. I'm not really in that mindset to be out and about." BAM. IF U THINK YALL ARE ONLY "on break" AND GON BE BACK TOGETHER IN A MONTH, FOR GOD'S SAKE DON'T EFF HIS HEAD UP WITH SPECIFICS: "Things have been pretty great. U know Marquis who's 6'14" and works at the cross fit gym in the south loop training people for 27 hours per day and gets hit on by all the slim thick cross fit white girls who have 1,200 followers on IG and post before-after pics all day? He's been laying pipe for weeks. Missed my period. Pretty sure I might be pregnant. Don't even care. My body is utterly ready for Marquis Jr 😍." <- BABY EVEN IF THIS IS TRUE (AND I HOPE IT IS!) - DON'T SAY IT 😂. Remember that trapped in that grown man is a lil ass boy. 1. Be reassuring. 2. Tell him what he does that's amazing. 3. BE VAGUE. SAY U AIN'T DATING. SAY U NEVER DATED ANYONE REALLY IMPORTANT TO U. SAY YO EX HUSBAND WAS A LIMP DICK (even if he was a Python PP 😎). U AIN'T GOING TO HELL OFF A LIL WHITE LIE OR TWO LIKE THAT. TELL THE LIE AND THEN DONATE $20 TO SYRIAN ORPHANS (link in bio 🤗) GOD IS FORGIVING BLESS UP 😍😂😂😂
Ass, Bailey Jay, and Bless Up: Happiest mug shot ever!
Part 3. To get rid of them insecurities, be specific about what yo man do that make him special. "OMG the way u [___]? NOBODY HAS EVER MADE ME FEEL THAT WAY BEFORE." Bam. Like the Somali dude in the tom hank movie said, He da Captain now. And if it ain't sexual, make it sweet. "Baby you have set the bar for how I need to be loved." U feel me? Men are delicate like a porcelain vase bruv - telling him he ruined u in some way will get u hella points. Airline points. Pretty soon u have platinum status (💍) and a companion pass - u feel me? But that's still Level 2 fixing. Y'all want Level 1 fixing? BE HELLA VAGUE ABOUT YO PERSONAL LIFE. U DON'T OWE HIM SHIT. AND FOR GOD'S SAKE DON'T VOLUNTEER SH!T. I can't say this strongly enuf. Y'all on break? BE VAGUE. He ask about exes? BE VAGUE. Remember that u dealing with a delicate and jealous man-child. The same way yo mama would say she forgot her purse when y'all see the ice cream man bc she don't wanna buy u ice cream every time and spoil u (white lie), do the same thing: "baby I'm really just taking this time on break to think. I'm not really in that mindset to be out and about." BAM. IF U THINK YALL ARE ONLY "on break" AND GON BE BACK TOGETHER IN A MONTH, FOR GOD'S SAKE DON'T EFF HIS HEAD UP WITH SPECIFICS: "Things have been pretty great. U know Marquis who's 6'14" and works at the cross fit gym in the south loop training people for 27 hours per day and gets hit on by all the slim thick cross fit white girls who have 1,200 followers on IG and post before-after pics all day? He's been laying pipe for weeks. Missed my period. Pretty sure I might be pregnant. Don't even care. My body is utterly ready for Marquis Jr 😍." <- BABY EVEN IF THIS IS TRUE (AND I HOPE IT IS!) - DON'T SAY IT 😂. Remember that trapped in that grown man is a lil ass boy. 1. Be reassuring. 2. Tell him what he does that's amazing. 3. BE VAGUE. SAY U AIN'T DATING. SAY U NEVER DATED ANYONE REALLY IMPORTANT TO U. SAY YO EX HUSBAND WAS A LIMP DICK (even if he was a Python PP 😎). U AIN'T GOING TO HELL OFF A LIL WHITE LIE OR TWO LIKE THAT. TELL THE LIE AND THEN DONATE $20 TO SYRIAN ORPHANS (link in bio 🤗) GOD IS FORGIVING BLESS UP 😍😂😂😂

Part 3. To get rid of them insecurities, be specific about what yo man do that make him special. "OMG the way u [___]? NOBODY HAS EVER MADE ...

Birdman, Bless Up, and Children: u/BrittanyLD ld i.redd.it She was the last puppy at the shelter. Most didn't want her because of her timid disposition/ overbite, but I think it makes her that much more of a treasure. (For Part 1, scroll back 🤗). Part 2: Now then. Let me explain: if a man really fux witchu, he gon be a jealous mess when y'all break up or "take a break". He gon be jealous of anyone u hang out with bc if he fux with u, ain no break. IN HIS MIND YALL STILL A COUPLE YALL JUST HAVING ISSUES 😐. Marquis who u dated for two weeks while on break? If u mention that to your ex? In his mind? Marquis PP built like a Voss water bottle and he lasted 17 hours. U all swollen and shaking and u like "Marquis OMG chill!!" And Marquis like "NAWWWW BABY ONE MO GENN" rubbing his hands like Birdman while his glisteny dangalang start saluting so he could rearrange yo anatomy to where yo spleen sits in yo esophagus now. That ain't een anatomically possible but that's what your ex imagine. He think u go to sleep every night and dream of having a home with a white picket fence with Marquis and 3.5 children and an Audi SUV that u bought because u the provider but u ok with that arrangement because the PP game so on point u don't mind being the mommy and the daddy and he just drop u off at work and drop the kids off at school and play 2K all day and possibly cheat on u using YOUR car but again u will let it slide off the quality of the PP. U feel me? This is the jealous male mind - any other man than him is bigger stronger better in bed more manly more dominant etc. Don't matter that Marquis could have been a 4.5 inch minute man who u only hung out with because he was sincere and always had good weed. To yo man? U in love with Marquis and still miss him - dearly. Yo man could be this jealous if u dated Marquis even before u met him lol! Literally men will be jealous of your OLD EXES! That's how fragile men are! Personally IDGAF about exes (bc I know I'm the sh!t 🤗) and when I've tooken breaks with girls I'm not monitoring they movements but this is how men think. It effs they head up bruv. And then they do disloyal tings bc on the basis of what u did on break somehow that's disloyal. Again: not logical. What's the solution? Peep Part 3 to find out bless up 😄😂😂😂
Birdman, Bless Up, and Children: u/BrittanyLD ld i.redd.it
 She was the last puppy at the shelter. Most
 didn't want her because of her timid
 disposition/ overbite, but I think it makes her
 that much more of a treasure.
(For Part 1, scroll back 🤗). Part 2: Now then. Let me explain: if a man really fux witchu, he gon be a jealous mess when y'all break up or "take a break". He gon be jealous of anyone u hang out with bc if he fux with u, ain no break. IN HIS MIND YALL STILL A COUPLE YALL JUST HAVING ISSUES 😐. Marquis who u dated for two weeks while on break? If u mention that to your ex? In his mind? Marquis PP built like a Voss water bottle and he lasted 17 hours. U all swollen and shaking and u like "Marquis OMG chill!!" And Marquis like "NAWWWW BABY ONE MO GENN" rubbing his hands like Birdman while his glisteny dangalang start saluting so he could rearrange yo anatomy to where yo spleen sits in yo esophagus now. That ain't een anatomically possible but that's what your ex imagine. He think u go to sleep every night and dream of having a home with a white picket fence with Marquis and 3.5 children and an Audi SUV that u bought because u the provider but u ok with that arrangement because the PP game so on point u don't mind being the mommy and the daddy and he just drop u off at work and drop the kids off at school and play 2K all day and possibly cheat on u using YOUR car but again u will let it slide off the quality of the PP. U feel me? This is the jealous male mind - any other man than him is bigger stronger better in bed more manly more dominant etc. Don't matter that Marquis could have been a 4.5 inch minute man who u only hung out with because he was sincere and always had good weed. To yo man? U in love with Marquis and still miss him - dearly. Yo man could be this jealous if u dated Marquis even before u met him lol! Literally men will be jealous of your OLD EXES! That's how fragile men are! Personally IDGAF about exes (bc I know I'm the sh!t 🤗) and when I've tooken breaks with girls I'm not monitoring they movements but this is how men think. It effs they head up bruv. And then they do disloyal tings bc on the basis of what u did on break somehow that's disloyal. Again: not logical. What's the solution? Peep Part 3 to find out bless up 😄😂😂😂

(For Part 1, scroll back 🤗). Part 2: Now then. Let me explain: if a man really fux witchu, he gon be a jealous mess when y'all break up or "...

Apple, Baseball, and Bless Up: u/MMorks 21h i.redd.it Yes, I sits comfortable like this Now u all know I love to use this platform to discuss serious issues. That don't make me popular but I'm not concerned with popularity. I'm concerned with creating dialogue. With that said I want to take this moment to discuss a serious issue we face as a human race, which is cancer. Cancer is a disease in which abnormal cells divide uncontrollably and destroy body tissue. It can develop in a woman breasts, in a man's prostate, anywhere. And, if not detected early and treated, it can kill u. Today I would like to focus on a specific form of cancer that is wreaking havoc on us while we sit and watch and I see NOBODY doing anything about it. And that cancer is the song Despacito. Bruv. Is u kidding me? First I heard this song as a suggested hit on Apple Music. Not gon lie I gave it a couple listens and may have een danced a little. Low key? That "besito besito" kissy kissy shit is festive. But bruv. Bieber remixed this sh!t and now it's on all the radio stations. Went to my Kurdish homie crib over the weekend and the DJ played the Arabic version - THIS MF SAID "baseeta baseeta" ("easy easy"). People lost they damn mind. Had to go hide in the bathroom with ear buds in playing A Boogie just to cleanse my palette 😖. Watched my homie's snap he's in Iceland right now and one of our bro's was playing the ukelele for a bunch of Icelandics in the forest and HE SANG DESPACITO AND THE ICELANDICS WERE SINGING ALONG. THE VIKINGS AINT DIE ON LARGE SAILBOATS OF MALNUTRITION ON THE WAY TO DISCOVER MINNESOTA FOR THIS SHIT. With that said I beg u. If u have a playlist with Despacito, delete it. If u Jewish and u having a bar mitzvah for yo son Joshua, play anything. Play Taylor Swift. But I beg u please do not let the goofy black DJ in the sparkly True Religion baseball cap and tight black suit from Express with a Janet Jackson head set on spin Despacito. AND TO ALL MY ARABIANS. YALL ARE ON NOTICE. I OPPOSE THE MUSLIM TRAVEL PLAN BUT KEEP PLAYING ARABIAN DESPACITO AND I WILL START SUPPORTING IT ON THE BASIS THAT WE'RE KEEPING OUR COUNTRY SAFE AND I MEAN THAT SHIT. Only u can stop cancer. I beg y'all. Let's lock arms and FIX THIS. BLESS UP 🤗😂😂😂
Apple, Baseball, and Bless Up: u/MMorks 21h i.redd.it
 Yes, I sits comfortable like this
Now u all know I love to use this platform to discuss serious issues. That don't make me popular but I'm not concerned with popularity. I'm concerned with creating dialogue. With that said I want to take this moment to discuss a serious issue we face as a human race, which is cancer. Cancer is a disease in which abnormal cells divide uncontrollably and destroy body tissue. It can develop in a woman breasts, in a man's prostate, anywhere. And, if not detected early and treated, it can kill u. Today I would like to focus on a specific form of cancer that is wreaking havoc on us while we sit and watch and I see NOBODY doing anything about it. And that cancer is the song Despacito. Bruv. Is u kidding me? First I heard this song as a suggested hit on Apple Music. Not gon lie I gave it a couple listens and may have een danced a little. Low key? That "besito besito" kissy kissy shit is festive. But bruv. Bieber remixed this sh!t and now it's on all the radio stations. Went to my Kurdish homie crib over the weekend and the DJ played the Arabic version - THIS MF SAID "baseeta baseeta" ("easy easy"). People lost they damn mind. Had to go hide in the bathroom with ear buds in playing A Boogie just to cleanse my palette 😖. Watched my homie's snap he's in Iceland right now and one of our bro's was playing the ukelele for a bunch of Icelandics in the forest and HE SANG DESPACITO AND THE ICELANDICS WERE SINGING ALONG. THE VIKINGS AINT DIE ON LARGE SAILBOATS OF MALNUTRITION ON THE WAY TO DISCOVER MINNESOTA FOR THIS SHIT. With that said I beg u. If u have a playlist with Despacito, delete it. If u Jewish and u having a bar mitzvah for yo son Joshua, play anything. Play Taylor Swift. But I beg u please do not let the goofy black DJ in the sparkly True Religion baseball cap and tight black suit from Express with a Janet Jackson head set on spin Despacito. AND TO ALL MY ARABIANS. YALL ARE ON NOTICE. I OPPOSE THE MUSLIM TRAVEL PLAN BUT KEEP PLAYING ARABIAN DESPACITO AND I WILL START SUPPORTING IT ON THE BASIS THAT WE'RE KEEPING OUR COUNTRY SAFE AND I MEAN THAT SHIT. Only u can stop cancer. I beg y'all. Let's lock arms and FIX THIS. BLESS UP 🤗😂😂😂

Now u all know I love to use this platform to discuss serious issues. That don't make me popular but I'm not concerned with popularity. I'm ...

Anaconda, Bless Up, and Click: u/scigs6 21d i.redd.it This fur baby turns five today! Heads up. Baby girl you have "fit" or "fitness" in your name and u leave a comment I will click on your name 100 times out of 100. Why? Simple. IT'S GUARANTEED TO INCLUDE GROSS MEALS THAT NO HUMAN SHOULD EVER CONSUME BUT I ENJOYING LOOKING AT IT BC IT'S SPICY 🤗😂: "chia seeds in coconut milk on a bed of flax blended with kale and eggplant today 😍 VeganFit delicious smoothie". MAMA, STOP THIS SHIT. AIN'T NOTHING DELICIOUS ABOUT THIS UNGODLY CONCOCTION. IF U GON EAT IT TO DEVELOP A SIX PACK THEN MORE LOVE AND MORE LIFE TO U BUT STOP PRETENDING - A BANANA SPLIT IS DELICIOUS - TACOS ARE DELICIOUS - PUNANI IS DELICIOUS 🤗 - MIXING A WHOLE BUNCH OF INCONGRUOUS PLANTS TOGETHER LIKE THIS LET'S KEEP IT 600 THAT AIN'T DELICIOUS 😂. And y'all wanna photograph these concoctions to support each other. "Squash and celery smoothie with hemp seed and spirulina thanks @_fit_jen69 for the recommendation 😄". WOMAN. STOP LISTENING TO @_fit_jen69 - ONLY A PSYCHOPATH GON MAKE A SMOOTHIE WITH THEM INGREDIENTS - YALL CAN'T BE SERIOUS 😩 (@_fit_jen69 holla at me tho baby girl I happen to like psychopaths plus anyone with the number 69 in they bio is automatic wife material (girls who like 69 is like girls who like riding the dih...dinosaur status...that species damn near extinct 😩)...let's make chirren @_fit_jen69 and let's make a happy home my body is ready (I'm in charge of feeding the chirren tho no offense bless up 🤗😂😂😂))
Anaconda, Bless Up, and Click: u/scigs6 21d i.redd.it
 This fur baby turns five today!
Heads up. Baby girl you have "fit" or "fitness" in your name and u leave a comment I will click on your name 100 times out of 100. Why? Simple. IT'S GUARANTEED TO INCLUDE GROSS MEALS THAT NO HUMAN SHOULD EVER CONSUME BUT I ENJOYING LOOKING AT IT BC IT'S SPICY 🤗😂: "chia seeds in coconut milk on a bed of flax blended with kale and eggplant today 😍 VeganFit delicious smoothie". MAMA, STOP THIS SHIT. AIN'T NOTHING DELICIOUS ABOUT THIS UNGODLY CONCOCTION. IF U GON EAT IT TO DEVELOP A SIX PACK THEN MORE LOVE AND MORE LIFE TO U BUT STOP PRETENDING - A BANANA SPLIT IS DELICIOUS - TACOS ARE DELICIOUS - PUNANI IS DELICIOUS 🤗 - MIXING A WHOLE BUNCH OF INCONGRUOUS PLANTS TOGETHER LIKE THIS LET'S KEEP IT 600 THAT AIN'T DELICIOUS 😂. And y'all wanna photograph these concoctions to support each other. "Squash and celery smoothie with hemp seed and spirulina thanks @_fit_jen69 for the recommendation 😄". WOMAN. STOP LISTENING TO @_fit_jen69 - ONLY A PSYCHOPATH GON MAKE A SMOOTHIE WITH THEM INGREDIENTS - YALL CAN'T BE SERIOUS 😩 (@_fit_jen69 holla at me tho baby girl I happen to like psychopaths plus anyone with the number 69 in they bio is automatic wife material (girls who like 69 is like girls who like riding the dih...dinosaur status...that species damn near extinct 😩)...let's make chirren @_fit_jen69 and let's make a happy home my body is ready (I'm in charge of feeding the chirren tho no offense bless up 🤗😂😂😂))

Heads up. Baby girl you have "fit" or "fitness" in your name and u leave a comment I will click on your name 100 times out of 100. Why? Simp...

Benadryl, Bless Up, and Fall: u/Em3PO 6d i.redd.it l give you the cutest photo I've ever taken of my pup. U might date someone that is truly a nice person. Kind. Sweet. Sex game level = demon from hell who came to ruin u for all future partners 🤗. U feel me? Generous. Funny. But y'all fight. Y'all have discord. Y'all ain't on the same page. Y'all struggle. Y'all have them long text fights where u feel like a lawyer in a Brooks Brother suit in a federal courtroom but really u just on your West Elm sectional with the slightly busted leg leaning a lil bit while your dog keep you company and u furiously typing texts till your thumbs fall off while shoving scoops of your second Halo Top pint into your mouth. U love this person, but u hate them. There is no balance. Any small thing they do that is inconsiderate or could be construed to be so, u wil out and wanna kill them. What I've realized is, people are like food. If u have a nut allergy, u gon fuck around and eat a peanut and damn near suffocate and die a miserable, painful death. Someone who's not allergic gon eat that same peanut and be enriched and nutrified (yes I made that word up, deal with it 🤗). U feel me? Same food is toxic to one person and beneficial to another. The bottom line is, that person isn't arsenic - they ain't poison to all living creatures - they might just be poison to YOU because y'all ain't on the same page, were never on the same page, and never gon get on the same page (despite how hard y'all tried.) These are good people who u gotta block on all platforms and move on witchoe life because communication of any type gon fuck yo life up and u just gotta realize that not only can u not handle them by the handful, even one (1) nut could kill u 😂. Aight? Let that nut find another home. Her next partner might derive great benefit from that nut. Or he'll die a miserable death with four Epi Pens jammed into his thighs and 20 Benadryl in his system but if that's the case, it was his time 😢. YALL BE SAFE OUT THERE!! Bless up 😍😂😂😂
Benadryl, Bless Up, and Fall: u/Em3PO 6d i.redd.it
 l give you the cutest photo I've ever taken of
 my pup.
U might date someone that is truly a nice person. Kind. Sweet. Sex game level = demon from hell who came to ruin u for all future partners 🤗. U feel me? Generous. Funny. But y'all fight. Y'all have discord. Y'all ain't on the same page. Y'all struggle. Y'all have them long text fights where u feel like a lawyer in a Brooks Brother suit in a federal courtroom but really u just on your West Elm sectional with the slightly busted leg leaning a lil bit while your dog keep you company and u furiously typing texts till your thumbs fall off while shoving scoops of your second Halo Top pint into your mouth. U love this person, but u hate them. There is no balance. Any small thing they do that is inconsiderate or could be construed to be so, u wil out and wanna kill them. What I've realized is, people are like food. If u have a nut allergy, u gon fuck around and eat a peanut and damn near suffocate and die a miserable, painful death. Someone who's not allergic gon eat that same peanut and be enriched and nutrified (yes I made that word up, deal with it 🤗). U feel me? Same food is toxic to one person and beneficial to another. The bottom line is, that person isn't arsenic - they ain't poison to all living creatures - they might just be poison to YOU because y'all ain't on the same page, were never on the same page, and never gon get on the same page (despite how hard y'all tried.) These are good people who u gotta block on all platforms and move on witchoe life because communication of any type gon fuck yo life up and u just gotta realize that not only can u not handle them by the handful, even one (1) nut could kill u 😂. Aight? Let that nut find another home. Her next partner might derive great benefit from that nut. Or he'll die a miserable death with four Epi Pens jammed into his thighs and 20 Benadryl in his system but if that's the case, it was his time 😢. YALL BE SAFE OUT THERE!! Bless up 😍😂😂😂

U might date someone that is truly a nice person. Kind. Sweet. Sex game level = demon from hell who came to ruin u for all future partners 🤗...

Beautiful, Bless Up, and Creepy: Pupper does an awoo Ladies do me a favor. Just one. Next time a man who's a complete (and unwelcome) stranger walk up and say that u beautiful, say "I know ☺️." Just like that. U get me? "I know ☺️." (With that same expression as the emoji - u got it in u, just try 🤗). And watch his brain explode and come out of his ears and all u see is white matter all over the walls while his eyes pop out of his head like he just been electrocuted. Now I know what u thinking: "but smash! I'm not a cocky asshole! I'm a sweet girl! Even if a creepy dude says I'm pretty, I still reply with 'awww thank you, you're sweet.'" And that's a very sweet reply. But the beauty of "I know ☺️" is that u change the tone of the conversation (actually, u end one that u didn't ask to start!) - you're expressing that his validation is not necessary - u don't need to be validated by random men - you're aware of your worth - u woke - u special - u smart - u very smart - u KNOW YOURSELF. U feel me? Just try it once. "I know ☺️." Aight? Bless up 😍😂😂😂 (Credit my dear lil homegirl who fortuitously called me after I had writer's block a few days ago while her son, her cat AND her new doggo from the shelter were all simultaneously wilding out to give me ideas to write about - bless you mama - sorry to add another distraction! 😍❤️😂)
Beautiful, Bless Up, and Creepy: Pupper does an awoo
Ladies do me a favor. Just one. Next time a man who's a complete (and unwelcome) stranger walk up and say that u beautiful, say "I know ☺️." Just like that. U get me? "I know ☺️." (With that same expression as the emoji - u got it in u, just try 🤗). And watch his brain explode and come out of his ears and all u see is white matter all over the walls while his eyes pop out of his head like he just been electrocuted. Now I know what u thinking: "but smash! I'm not a cocky asshole! I'm a sweet girl! Even if a creepy dude says I'm pretty, I still reply with 'awww thank you, you're sweet.'" And that's a very sweet reply. But the beauty of "I know ☺️" is that u change the tone of the conversation (actually, u end one that u didn't ask to start!) - you're expressing that his validation is not necessary - u don't need to be validated by random men - you're aware of your worth - u woke - u special - u smart - u very smart - u KNOW YOURSELF. U feel me? Just try it once. "I know ☺️." Aight? Bless up 😍😂😂😂 (Credit my dear lil homegirl who fortuitously called me after I had writer's block a few days ago while her son, her cat AND her new doggo from the shelter were all simultaneously wilding out to give me ideas to write about - bless you mama - sorry to add another distraction! 😍❤️😂)

Ladies do me a favor. Just one. Next time a man who's a complete (and unwelcome) stranger walk up and say that u beautiful, say "I know ☺️."...

Af, Bad, and Beautiful: Seth Rogen meets Boo In the film "Tropic Thunder", Kirk Lazarus said: "Never go full retard." Now, I hate the word "retard" - I love all life and if a baby has developmental disabilities, nobody should ever call that beautiful baby a retard - it's a disgusting word to use to refer to someone who has such disabilities. However some of u grown men are not only retards, y'all routinely go full retard, NO OFFENSE - lemme splain u. My lil homegirl call me tell me she dating a dude from a nearby town. It ain't that close so they hanging weekly, he make the drive and slide thru, they have dinner etc. Smart dude, teacher, got his shit together. So out of the blue homeboy say he moving to her town so they can plan their future. I can't blame him - she got a lot to offer 👩‍🔬. The problem is, she ain't want all that. Some women want a man around for a specific purpose. Maybe she wanna be homies but she don't wanna bang. Maybe she wanna bang but only after 11:02 pm so if y'all get food after, nobody see u with her bc low key u ain't cute but your PP nice so she only want u at night 🤗. Or maybe she wanna be seen with you out on the town because u look nice but she ain't ready to pick baby seats and strollers yet - u feel me? U can't just assume that if a girl fuck with u on ANY level, she wanna be with you forever - these ladies done been thru a lot, bro - good relationships, bad relationships, in betweeners - u feel me? Don't be so eager to suck the fun out of it. Men ASSUME that any woman they meet wanna get married yesterday and have babies tomorrow but guess what - NAH. AF. U gotta take the time to sell her on u. Make her feel like u the one. Until then, create fun experiences and a healthy vibe. And see where it go. And don't go full retard or u gon fuck around and fuck up a good thing for no reason. Ya get me! Bless up! 😂😂😂
Af, Bad, and Beautiful: Seth Rogen meets Boo
In the film "Tropic Thunder", Kirk Lazarus said: "Never go full retard." Now, I hate the word "retard" - I love all life and if a baby has developmental disabilities, nobody should ever call that beautiful baby a retard - it's a disgusting word to use to refer to someone who has such disabilities. However some of u grown men are not only retards, y'all routinely go full retard, NO OFFENSE - lemme splain u. My lil homegirl call me tell me she dating a dude from a nearby town. It ain't that close so they hanging weekly, he make the drive and slide thru, they have dinner etc. Smart dude, teacher, got his shit together. So out of the blue homeboy say he moving to her town so they can plan their future. I can't blame him - she got a lot to offer 👩‍🔬. The problem is, she ain't want all that. Some women want a man around for a specific purpose. Maybe she wanna be homies but she don't wanna bang. Maybe she wanna bang but only after 11:02 pm so if y'all get food after, nobody see u with her bc low key u ain't cute but your PP nice so she only want u at night 🤗. Or maybe she wanna be seen with you out on the town because u look nice but she ain't ready to pick baby seats and strollers yet - u feel me? U can't just assume that if a girl fuck with u on ANY level, she wanna be with you forever - these ladies done been thru a lot, bro - good relationships, bad relationships, in betweeners - u feel me? Don't be so eager to suck the fun out of it. Men ASSUME that any woman they meet wanna get married yesterday and have babies tomorrow but guess what - NAH. AF. U gotta take the time to sell her on u. Make her feel like u the one. Until then, create fun experiences and a healthy vibe. And see where it go. And don't go full retard or u gon fuck around and fuck up a good thing for no reason. Ya get me! Bless up! 😂😂😂

In the film "Tropic Thunder", Kirk Lazarus said: "Never go full retard." Now, I hate the word "retard" - I love all life and if a baby has d...

Africa, Ali, and America: u/ZeroTenenbaum 2d i.redd.it happiest camper Our parents and grand parents had Muhammad Ali. I don't care if they lived in America or Africa or China or India - they knew about Muhammad Ali and they saw him take his stances against injustice and whether they liked him or hated him, he started a conversation. When Colin Kaepernick took a stand, he was sidelined. Maligned. The overlords tried to end his career and shut him the fuck up. In March, Donald Trump - the most powerful man in the world by a wide margin - said that no team will sign him because they don't want to get a nasty tweet from him if they do. But then the unthinkable happened. Other NFL players started saying "enough is enough - there is injustice in our society and we need to address it". He started a movement. Dozens of players are now taking a stand. Michael Bennett is drawing attention to profiling. These are players who were told explicitly not to ever take a stand, and now they're participating in a debate. It's just talking! The best ideas will win! But before Kaep, you couldn't chime in without being penalized - badly - professionally - that's over. Kaep took a risk and sacrificed everything and, in doing so, changed everything. And for all of u who are gonna pop off saying Kaep is racist...bear in mind that his adoptive parents Rick and Teresa are a rural white couple from Wisconsin and cheer him on at all his games and love him and support him in his mission so good luck with that! Everybody needs heroes and he's one of mine. Bless up 🇺🇸
Africa, Ali, and America: u/ZeroTenenbaum 2d i.redd.it
 happiest camper
Our parents and grand parents had Muhammad Ali. I don't care if they lived in America or Africa or China or India - they knew about Muhammad Ali and they saw him take his stances against injustice and whether they liked him or hated him, he started a conversation. When Colin Kaepernick took a stand, he was sidelined. Maligned. The overlords tried to end his career and shut him the fuck up. In March, Donald Trump - the most powerful man in the world by a wide margin - said that no team will sign him because they don't want to get a nasty tweet from him if they do. But then the unthinkable happened. Other NFL players started saying "enough is enough - there is injustice in our society and we need to address it". He started a movement. Dozens of players are now taking a stand. Michael Bennett is drawing attention to profiling. These are players who were told explicitly not to ever take a stand, and now they're participating in a debate. It's just talking! The best ideas will win! But before Kaep, you couldn't chime in without being penalized - badly - professionally - that's over. Kaep took a risk and sacrificed everything and, in doing so, changed everything. And for all of u who are gonna pop off saying Kaep is racist...bear in mind that his adoptive parents Rick and Teresa are a rural white couple from Wisconsin and cheer him on at all his games and love him and support him in his mission so good luck with that! Everybody needs heroes and he's one of mine. Bless up 🇺🇸

Our parents and grand parents had Muhammad Ali. I don't care if they lived in America or Africa or China or India - they knew about Muhammad...

Af, Another One, and Ass: Office dog isn't allowed on the couch, so this is her daily act of rebellion So I grabbed coffee with my lil homegirl who I work with and she say she got a southwest companion pass. Litchrally with this shit u fly anywhere and take whoever u want anywhere any time. I'm like "🤔...how. U mainly work for me and I don't fly u around the world like that for u to be racking up miles 😂." Why did she launch into this whole shpiel about how she low key scamming TF out of southwest airline robbing them blind LEGALLY AF 😂. "Well I opened up one southwest credit card and got 60,000 miles. Then I opened up another one with another bank and got 60,000 more. Also I do all my shopping thru the southwest rewards website so even if I buy shoes at Nordstrom I get points." I'm like "wow. For me though southwest been low key getting more expensive though(?)" And she just like "yeah I don't let them drop the price on me. If they do, I switch to the next day flight, then switch back. Like if I book at $400 and it drops to $300, I switch and switch back. Down to $250? Same. Until I'm satisfied I got the best price." DID YALL HEAR THAT SHIT. "UNTIL I'M SATISFIED." She the MF queen bruh, southwest exists to shuttle her pretty ass around. And she gon scam them until their back is broken and they bankrupt and they on the news just like "yeah we were having a nice run but this woman Kate ran us dry." GO THE FUCK HEAD, KATE, U PRETTA-ASS, SCAMMIN-ASS GENIUS 😍. IDK why ladies but if u a scammer, it do something to us. It tingle our nether regions. It make us feel like if the whole world go to shit like walking dead u gon scam our chirren into health and safety. The scamming gene is like Punani fragrance - it make us a lil crazy for u 🤗. To all my scammers out there, y'all the real MVP. Scam me. Rob me. End my life. Just make sure them kids is good and imma be smiling in my grave bless up 😍😂😂😂 (📷: Reddit u-ebbp)
Af, Another One, and Ass: Office dog isn't allowed on the couch,
 so this is her daily act of rebellion
So I grabbed coffee with my lil homegirl who I work with and she say she got a southwest companion pass. Litchrally with this shit u fly anywhere and take whoever u want anywhere any time. I'm like "🤔...how. U mainly work for me and I don't fly u around the world like that for u to be racking up miles 😂." Why did she launch into this whole shpiel about how she low key scamming TF out of southwest airline robbing them blind LEGALLY AF 😂. "Well I opened up one southwest credit card and got 60,000 miles. Then I opened up another one with another bank and got 60,000 more. Also I do all my shopping thru the southwest rewards website so even if I buy shoes at Nordstrom I get points." I'm like "wow. For me though southwest been low key getting more expensive though(?)" And she just like "yeah I don't let them drop the price on me. If they do, I switch to the next day flight, then switch back. Like if I book at $400 and it drops to $300, I switch and switch back. Down to $250? Same. Until I'm satisfied I got the best price." DID YALL HEAR THAT SHIT. "UNTIL I'M SATISFIED." She the MF queen bruh, southwest exists to shuttle her pretty ass around. And she gon scam them until their back is broken and they bankrupt and they on the news just like "yeah we were having a nice run but this woman Kate ran us dry." GO THE FUCK HEAD, KATE, U PRETTA-ASS, SCAMMIN-ASS GENIUS 😍. IDK why ladies but if u a scammer, it do something to us. It tingle our nether regions. It make us feel like if the whole world go to shit like walking dead u gon scam our chirren into health and safety. The scamming gene is like Punani fragrance - it make us a lil crazy for u 🤗. To all my scammers out there, y'all the real MVP. Scam me. Rob me. End my life. Just make sure them kids is good and imma be smiling in my grave bless up 😍😂😂😂 (📷: Reddit u-ebbp)

So I grabbed coffee with my lil homegirl who I work with and she say she got a southwest companion pass. Litchrally with this shit u fly any...

Bless Up, Blessed, and Butt: Last year I went backpacking through the republic of Georgia in Eastern Europe. On a long hike into the mountains, this dog decided to join me. We hiked together for about seven miles before he wandered off. Here he is keeping guard as I set my camera up for a landscape shot. On this blessed day I ask God to ease your burden, whatever that burden might be. If you are struggling I ask God to make things easy for you. If you are depressed I ask God to light your way. If you are hungry I ask God to feed you and to move those around you to feed you - it is the responsibility of those living in comfort to give to those who are not. I hate asking for favors but do me one favor today. Identify a family member from whom time or distance or an argument of some type or hardship long ago has caused separation. Reach out to them and let them know you love them. Be the better person and cure severed familial bonds with love. Aight? You can do it. My lil homegirl, her mom is the most wretched human on earth 😂. Every day she say something new to annoy her daughter. A week ago she said "your butt is flat" out of nowhere (and her butt ain't een flat lol!) And that girl still take care of her mama day in and day out. It's not easy but it's not really a test if it's easy, ya get me! More life more happiness more faith - whatever you wanted to accomplish in 2017, you got one-third of the year left - MAKE IT COUNT ❤️ Bless up 🌙 (📷: Reddit u-lil-rap)
Bless Up, Blessed, and Butt: Last year I went backpacking through the
 republic of Georgia in Eastern Europe. On a
 long hike into the mountains, this dog decided
 to join me. We hiked together for about seven
 miles before he wandered off. Here he is
 keeping guard as I set my camera up for a
 landscape shot.
On this blessed day I ask God to ease your burden, whatever that burden might be. If you are struggling I ask God to make things easy for you. If you are depressed I ask God to light your way. If you are hungry I ask God to feed you and to move those around you to feed you - it is the responsibility of those living in comfort to give to those who are not. I hate asking for favors but do me one favor today. Identify a family member from whom time or distance or an argument of some type or hardship long ago has caused separation. Reach out to them and let them know you love them. Be the better person and cure severed familial bonds with love. Aight? You can do it. My lil homegirl, her mom is the most wretched human on earth 😂. Every day she say something new to annoy her daughter. A week ago she said "your butt is flat" out of nowhere (and her butt ain't een flat lol!) And that girl still take care of her mama day in and day out. It's not easy but it's not really a test if it's easy, ya get me! More life more happiness more faith - whatever you wanted to accomplish in 2017, you got one-third of the year left - MAKE IT COUNT ❤️ Bless up 🌙 (📷: Reddit u-lil-rap)

On this blessed day I ask God to ease your burden, whatever that burden might be. If you are struggling I ask God to make things easy for yo...

Af, Ass, and Austin Powers: Needless to say, I didn't move for a while See bruh if u send a sexy pic of yourself to a girl it's three possible responses: (1) "cute". Fire this woman 😁...No offense but u don't need this type of negativity in yo life bruh 😂. (2) "OMG daddy I need you 😍." She a keeper. That's a good woman. (3) "K. How many other girls got this? Curious 🤔." <- wife. This is your wife, u found her bruh 😂. U feel me? She protecc. Like the flood waters coming, she gon rip the refrigerator door off the fridge and use it as a raft. She gon paddle your babies to safety. U gon call her from a business trip to NY like "baby u ok I seen the news" and she gon be like "NO I'M NOT OK MF I GOT *YOUR* LOOKIN ASS KIDS TRYINA PADDLE TO SAFETY BC U AIN'T HERE AND EVERY TIME I LOOK AT THEIR FUCKING FACE I GET TIGHT BC I CAN'T BELIEVE I LET U GET ME PREGNANT AND THEN LEAVE ME IN A FLOOD WE'LL DISCUSS LATER BYE." This type of woman will punch u in the face when u wake up for no reason. U sipping a Intelligentsia Black Cat Espresso happy go lucky af ready to take on the day and she walk right up to u with her hair fucked up and punch u exactly in the nose to where yo septum deviate. Yo septum was good AF now it's crooked like Austin Powers teeth lol. And u like "baby??" And she like "YOU CHEATED ON ME IN MY DREAM. WITH A BLOND BITCH. AS I SUSPECTED. MOTHER 👏 FUCKER 👏. BEEN TOLD U. U LIKE BLONDS SO MUCH? GO FIND A BLOND, THEY GROW ON TREES. DON'T WASTE MY MF TIME. GET THE FUCK TO WORK WE TALK LATER." (Crazy women always wanna give u the business and then warn u that another reaming is coming lol.) And u just like "baby I don't have a type, YOU my type" and she just like "YOUR 👏 TYPE 👏 IS 👏 BLOND 👏 YOU 👏 DIRTY 👏 DICK 👏 NIGHTMARE 👏 CHEATER 👏 I 👏 SAID 👏 WE 👏 TALK 👏 LATER." There u have it. Getchu a girl who wild about u bro. If she lukewarm u wasting your time. Get a girl who will kill for u then fuck around KILL u - it's the stabby ones that always got the most firey Punani ya get me! Bless up 😍😂😂😂 (📸: Reddit u-lucidf0x)
Af, Ass, and Austin Powers: Needless to say, I didn't move for a while
See bruh if u send a sexy pic of yourself to a girl it's three possible responses: (1) "cute". Fire this woman 😁...No offense but u don't need this type of negativity in yo life bruh 😂. (2) "OMG daddy I need you 😍." She a keeper. That's a good woman. (3) "K. How many other girls got this? Curious 🤔." <- wife. This is your wife, u found her bruh 😂. U feel me? She protecc. Like the flood waters coming, she gon rip the refrigerator door off the fridge and use it as a raft. She gon paddle your babies to safety. U gon call her from a business trip to NY like "baby u ok I seen the news" and she gon be like "NO I'M NOT OK MF I GOT *YOUR* LOOKIN ASS KIDS TRYINA PADDLE TO SAFETY BC U AIN'T HERE AND EVERY TIME I LOOK AT THEIR FUCKING FACE I GET TIGHT BC I CAN'T BELIEVE I LET U GET ME PREGNANT AND THEN LEAVE ME IN A FLOOD WE'LL DISCUSS LATER BYE." This type of woman will punch u in the face when u wake up for no reason. U sipping a Intelligentsia Black Cat Espresso happy go lucky af ready to take on the day and she walk right up to u with her hair fucked up and punch u exactly in the nose to where yo septum deviate. Yo septum was good AF now it's crooked like Austin Powers teeth lol. And u like "baby??" And she like "YOU CHEATED ON ME IN MY DREAM. WITH A BLOND BITCH. AS I SUSPECTED. MOTHER 👏 FUCKER 👏. BEEN TOLD U. U LIKE BLONDS SO MUCH? GO FIND A BLOND, THEY GROW ON TREES. DON'T WASTE MY MF TIME. GET THE FUCK TO WORK WE TALK LATER." (Crazy women always wanna give u the business and then warn u that another reaming is coming lol.) And u just like "baby I don't have a type, YOU my type" and she just like "YOUR 👏 TYPE 👏 IS 👏 BLOND 👏 YOU 👏 DIRTY 👏 DICK 👏 NIGHTMARE 👏 CHEATER 👏 I 👏 SAID 👏 WE 👏 TALK 👏 LATER." There u have it. Getchu a girl who wild about u bro. If she lukewarm u wasting your time. Get a girl who will kill for u then fuck around KILL u - it's the stabby ones that always got the most firey Punani ya get me! Bless up 😍😂😂😂 (📸: Reddit u-lucidf0x)

See bruh if u send a sexy pic of yourself to a girl it's three possible responses: (1) "cute". Fire this woman 😁...No offense but u don't ne...

Af, Bless Up, and Club: She's deaf and mostly blind but she loves fetching and catching toys Any man who wear a sport coat to dinner on a Saturday night? OLYMPIC MEDAL THOT 🥇. I'm not talmbout yo mama's step boyfriend who wear a sport coat with Steve Jobs mom jeans and shiny dress shoes to the local steakhouse. U feel me? He utterly clueless from the jump. He just tryina look cute for yo mama and also he got a pot belly so the sport coat is just an additional protective layer. I'm talmbout dudes our age. Like I went to sushi Saturday night and two tables over I seent a young Indian dude out with a pretty lady and he was wearing a black sport coat with a dress shirt unbuttoned three buttons to show his robust one centimeter chest stubble - flexin line "I gotta buzz this shit and it STILL look like a carpet - ain't no other resident in all of Neonatal with this type of manlyness 🤗." U feel me? Medical grade thot. Type of dude to take Suzy the Night Nurse to sushi, take her home, smash her out, and then go dancing at a club with his Indian crew because Priya gon be out that night and he really tryina marry Priya but he smash Suzy to calm his nerves so he seem more laid back to Priya (this is the male thot calculus 🤗). Go head Dr. Arjun. I ain't mad at u. Your attending doc know u a thot. Yo mama who keep asking when she gon get little Arjun's know in her heart u a thot. Suzy? She was never under any impression whatsoever that u anything BUT a thot...Win-win (note tho that Suzy believes there's a one in a million chance she can convert Arjun to a non-thot - I affectionately refer to this as "Dumb and Dumber Logic" - yes issa one in a million chance but Suzy u ain't that one, sorry sweetie 😘). So there u have it. If yo man pick u up for a date on a Saturday night and he wearing a black sport coat that he purchased at Zara on sale for $64.99 - thot. Now get pregnant, Suzy - he only make $28k-year now as a resident but when he take a job in Kansas after residency making $770k-year as the new superstar Neonatal doctor at Christ Saint Mary Elizabeth Holy Cathedral Hospital (u know it's real when the hospital name is catholic AF) u gon be sitting pretty cashing them support checks bless up TheseGamesAreMadeForTwoPlayers 👶😍😂 (📸: Reddit u-arturg87)
Af, Bless Up, and Club: She's deaf and mostly blind but she
 loves fetching and catching toys
Any man who wear a sport coat to dinner on a Saturday night? OLYMPIC MEDAL THOT 🥇. I'm not talmbout yo mama's step boyfriend who wear a sport coat with Steve Jobs mom jeans and shiny dress shoes to the local steakhouse. U feel me? He utterly clueless from the jump. He just tryina look cute for yo mama and also he got a pot belly so the sport coat is just an additional protective layer. I'm talmbout dudes our age. Like I went to sushi Saturday night and two tables over I seent a young Indian dude out with a pretty lady and he was wearing a black sport coat with a dress shirt unbuttoned three buttons to show his robust one centimeter chest stubble - flexin line "I gotta buzz this shit and it STILL look like a carpet - ain't no other resident in all of Neonatal with this type of manlyness 🤗." U feel me? Medical grade thot. Type of dude to take Suzy the Night Nurse to sushi, take her home, smash her out, and then go dancing at a club with his Indian crew because Priya gon be out that night and he really tryina marry Priya but he smash Suzy to calm his nerves so he seem more laid back to Priya (this is the male thot calculus 🤗). Go head Dr. Arjun. I ain't mad at u. Your attending doc know u a thot. Yo mama who keep asking when she gon get little Arjun's know in her heart u a thot. Suzy? She was never under any impression whatsoever that u anything BUT a thot...Win-win (note tho that Suzy believes there's a one in a million chance she can convert Arjun to a non-thot - I affectionately refer to this as "Dumb and Dumber Logic" - yes issa one in a million chance but Suzy u ain't that one, sorry sweetie 😘). So there u have it. If yo man pick u up for a date on a Saturday night and he wearing a black sport coat that he purchased at Zara on sale for $64.99 - thot. Now get pregnant, Suzy - he only make $28k-year now as a resident but when he take a job in Kansas after residency making $770k-year as the new superstar Neonatal doctor at Christ Saint Mary Elizabeth Holy Cathedral Hospital (u know it's real when the hospital name is catholic AF) u gon be sitting pretty cashing them support checks bless up TheseGamesAreMadeForTwoPlayers 👶😍😂 (📸: Reddit u-arturg87)

Any man who wear a sport coat to dinner on a Saturday night? OLYMPIC MEDAL THOT 🥇. I'm not talmbout yo mama's step boyfriend who wear a spor...

Apple, Apple Watch, and Bless Up: What cute ghosts Ladies lemme warn y'all. If yo man go to the gym. And he wear a tank top or cut off t shirt and shorts that ain't too matching just whatever because it's the gym so he see no need to be exkra - that's a good man. Keep him. On the other hand. If yo man wear: (1) black sporty athletic shorts, (2) black leg compression tights with graphics on them, (3) black sporty t shirt with matchy graphics on it to where it complement the tights, (4) black compression upper body tights that cover the elbow and show the musculature of his biceps thru the tights, (4) black Nike socks, and (5) black Nike cross trainers? With the Apple Watch, Garmin watch, or Fit Bit? HE A THOT. HE WAS BORN A THOT. HE COME FROM A LONG LINE OF THOTS STARTING WITH HIS GREAT GRANDFATHER THOTTIOUS WITHERSPOON IV WHO EMIGRATED HERE FROM JAMAICA. THIS MAN HAS THOT IN HIS BLOOD. GIVE HIM A PAPER CUT - HE BLEEDS "thot". AS A BABY BOY HE LITCHRALLY WALKED AROUND WITH A PERMANENT PUPPY FILTER ON HIS FACE. TURBO SUPER ROBOT-THOT. NOW SOME OF YALL LOVE THOTS - IN WHICH CASE GOD BLESS YALL, LOOK FOR THIS TYPE OF MAN AND HE WILL FULFILL ALL YOUR DESIRES. BUT IF U THE TYPE TO BE DRIVEN CRAZY BY MALE THOTS WHO MAKE YOUR LIFE A LIVING HELL? AND U CATCH YO MAN DRESSED LIKE THIS ON THE WAY OUT THE DOOR TO THE "gym"? WELL...NOW U KNOW...ACT ACCORDINGLY...SMASH IS JUST HERE TO WARN YALL...I OFFER NO CRITIQUES, JUST FACTS - SOME OF MY BES FRENZ HAPPEN TO BE THOTS I'M JUST POINTING OUT THE TYPE, BLESS UP 😍😂😂😂 (Reddit u-Sayonarahonto)
Apple, Apple Watch, and Bless Up: What cute ghosts
Ladies lemme warn y'all. If yo man go to the gym. And he wear a tank top or cut off t shirt and shorts that ain't too matching just whatever because it's the gym so he see no need to be exkra - that's a good man. Keep him. On the other hand. If yo man wear: (1) black sporty athletic shorts, (2) black leg compression tights with graphics on them, (3) black sporty t shirt with matchy graphics on it to where it complement the tights, (4) black compression upper body tights that cover the elbow and show the musculature of his biceps thru the tights, (4) black Nike socks, and (5) black Nike cross trainers? With the Apple Watch, Garmin watch, or Fit Bit? HE A THOT. HE WAS BORN A THOT. HE COME FROM A LONG LINE OF THOTS STARTING WITH HIS GREAT GRANDFATHER THOTTIOUS WITHERSPOON IV WHO EMIGRATED HERE FROM JAMAICA. THIS MAN HAS THOT IN HIS BLOOD. GIVE HIM A PAPER CUT - HE BLEEDS "thot". AS A BABY BOY HE LITCHRALLY WALKED AROUND WITH A PERMANENT PUPPY FILTER ON HIS FACE. TURBO SUPER ROBOT-THOT. NOW SOME OF YALL LOVE THOTS - IN WHICH CASE GOD BLESS YALL, LOOK FOR THIS TYPE OF MAN AND HE WILL FULFILL ALL YOUR DESIRES. BUT IF U THE TYPE TO BE DRIVEN CRAZY BY MALE THOTS WHO MAKE YOUR LIFE A LIVING HELL? AND U CATCH YO MAN DRESSED LIKE THIS ON THE WAY OUT THE DOOR TO THE "gym"? WELL...NOW U KNOW...ACT ACCORDINGLY...SMASH IS JUST HERE TO WARN YALL...I OFFER NO CRITIQUES, JUST FACTS - SOME OF MY BES FRENZ HAPPEN TO BE THOTS I'M JUST POINTING OUT THE TYPE, BLESS UP 😍😂😂😂 (Reddit u-Sayonarahonto)

Ladies lemme warn y'all. If yo man go to the gym. And he wear a tank top or cut off t shirt and shorts that ain't too matching just whatever...

Baseball, Bless Up, and Cats: Saying "hey" from the NYC subway Yoric's best Woke up to a new Lil Uzi album and it's cot damn lit ... Idgaf ... this kid is a rock star and his music is stadium status and give me Kanye "Touch the Sky" feels. But what I love is all the old head haters. U know wtf I'm talmbout. Them cats that think Jay and Nas were the last good rappers. "Man look at these new kids smh...mumble rappers" "rocking tight pants and dresses" "how they letting these guys wear chokers" "how they letting these guys dye their hair pink and blond" "popping pills smh they letting junkies rap now". OK. LET ME GET THIS CLEAR, OLD HEAD. YALL GOT A BUNCH OF WOMEN PREGNANT IN THE 90s AND THEN GHOSTED - DISAPPEARED - WENT TO THE CORNER STORE AND NEVER CAME BACK - NOW THEM KIDS GREW UP AND EMBRACED FASHION AND CREATED THEY OWN GENDER FLUID STYLE BECAUSE THEY MALE ROLE MODELS WAS ABSENT AND NOW U WANNA CRITICIZE...EVEN THO THESE KIDS ON STAGES IN FRONT OF SOLD OUT CROWDS PUTTING IT DOWN FOR THEY FAMILY...LEMME TELL U WHAT U NEED TO DO, OLD HEAD...U NEED TO GO TO THE SPORTING GOODS STORE ASAP AND BUY TWO BASEBALL MITTS AND A BASEBALL AND FIND THAT BOY U ABANDONED AND PLAY SOME CATCH...MATTER FACT ASK THE POSTAL SERVICE FOR A FULL WEEK OFF, U GON NEED A LOT OF TIME FOR THIS GAME OF CATCH (AND 'CATCH UP') AND MAYBE U COULD PLAY HIM SOME NAS AND JAY RECORDS AND DISCUSS MUSIC WITH HIM BUT FOR NOW STFU AND STOP CRITICIZING, THE ART REFLECT THE CULTURE AND U CREATED IT NOW DON'T BE MAD AT IT (but you're welcome to fix your mistakes bless up 🤗😂😂😂) (@madmax_fluffyroad)
Baseball, Bless Up, and Cats: Saying "hey" from the NYC subway
 Yoric's best
Woke up to a new Lil Uzi album and it's cot damn lit ... Idgaf ... this kid is a rock star and his music is stadium status and give me Kanye "Touch the Sky" feels. But what I love is all the old head haters. U know wtf I'm talmbout. Them cats that think Jay and Nas were the last good rappers. "Man look at these new kids smh...mumble rappers" "rocking tight pants and dresses" "how they letting these guys wear chokers" "how they letting these guys dye their hair pink and blond" "popping pills smh they letting junkies rap now". OK. LET ME GET THIS CLEAR, OLD HEAD. YALL GOT A BUNCH OF WOMEN PREGNANT IN THE 90s AND THEN GHOSTED - DISAPPEARED - WENT TO THE CORNER STORE AND NEVER CAME BACK - NOW THEM KIDS GREW UP AND EMBRACED FASHION AND CREATED THEY OWN GENDER FLUID STYLE BECAUSE THEY MALE ROLE MODELS WAS ABSENT AND NOW U WANNA CRITICIZE...EVEN THO THESE KIDS ON STAGES IN FRONT OF SOLD OUT CROWDS PUTTING IT DOWN FOR THEY FAMILY...LEMME TELL U WHAT U NEED TO DO, OLD HEAD...U NEED TO GO TO THE SPORTING GOODS STORE ASAP AND BUY TWO BASEBALL MITTS AND A BASEBALL AND FIND THAT BOY U ABANDONED AND PLAY SOME CATCH...MATTER FACT ASK THE POSTAL SERVICE FOR A FULL WEEK OFF, U GON NEED A LOT OF TIME FOR THIS GAME OF CATCH (AND 'CATCH UP') AND MAYBE U COULD PLAY HIM SOME NAS AND JAY RECORDS AND DISCUSS MUSIC WITH HIM BUT FOR NOW STFU AND STOP CRITICIZING, THE ART REFLECT THE CULTURE AND U CREATED IT NOW DON'T BE MAD AT IT (but you're welcome to fix your mistakes bless up 🤗😂😂😂) (@madmax_fluffyroad)

Woke up to a new Lil Uzi album and it's cot damn lit ... Idgaf ... this kid is a rock star and his music is stadium status and give me Kanye...

Apparently, Ass, and Bless Up: Puppy eyes Life update: remember the caption I wrote about bending down and busting the ass seam out of my suit pants? Well I sewed them up myself (as I wrote back then) with light grey thread but the suit was dark grey. To me the shit look fine. Like the stitching was on point low key I was proud of myself lol. But lo and behold yesterday I get an email from my homie who is head of facilities at the firm: "smash, it has come to my attention that you may not be aware that there is a large tear in the seat of your pants." OK. So lemme be clear. Yes the stitching down my ass crack is contrasting. However it is not a large tear. In fact the tear has been repaired. THE LARGER ISSUE AT HAND IS WHY THE SECRETARIES HAD TO GANG UP AND APPROACH THE HEAD OF FACILITIES TO SEND THIS EMAIL. WHY YALL LOOKING AT SMASH'S BUTT CHEEKS IN THE FIRST PLACE, THIS THE REAL QUESTION. I CAME TO THIS FIRM READY TO PROVE MYSELF. I DONE PULLED THE MULTIPLE ALL NIGHTERS. I DONE WORKED IN SEVERAL OF OUR OFFICES GLOBALLY. DONE MISSED EVERY PERSONAL ENGAGEMENT IMAGINABLE TO GET DEALS DONE. AND AFTER ALL THIS, I'M JUST A SEXY PIECE OF HALAL ASS-MEAT FOR THE SECRETARIES TO GIGGLE AT. OK. SO THIS IS WHERE THINGS STAND. JUST EYE CANDY FOR YALL. WELL SAY NO MORE. TOMORROW IMMA WEAR HIJAB. AND A TRENCH COAT. "Have you seen smash today in a erykah badu head wrap? Did he lose his mind??" NAH BUT APPARENTLY YALL CAN'T STOP STARING SO I HAD TO CUT OFF THE SUPPLY. FIND ANOTHER PAIR OF BOUNTEOUS ASS CHEEKS TO OGLE THIS ONE IS OVER ISS CANCELED BLESS UP 😒😂😂😂 (📸: Reddit u-cantthinkofanamern)
Apparently, Ass, and Bless Up: Puppy eyes
Life update: remember the caption I wrote about bending down and busting the ass seam out of my suit pants? Well I sewed them up myself (as I wrote back then) with light grey thread but the suit was dark grey. To me the shit look fine. Like the stitching was on point low key I was proud of myself lol. But lo and behold yesterday I get an email from my homie who is head of facilities at the firm: "smash, it has come to my attention that you may not be aware that there is a large tear in the seat of your pants." OK. So lemme be clear. Yes the stitching down my ass crack is contrasting. However it is not a large tear. In fact the tear has been repaired. THE LARGER ISSUE AT HAND IS WHY THE SECRETARIES HAD TO GANG UP AND APPROACH THE HEAD OF FACILITIES TO SEND THIS EMAIL. WHY YALL LOOKING AT SMASH'S BUTT CHEEKS IN THE FIRST PLACE, THIS THE REAL QUESTION. I CAME TO THIS FIRM READY TO PROVE MYSELF. I DONE PULLED THE MULTIPLE ALL NIGHTERS. I DONE WORKED IN SEVERAL OF OUR OFFICES GLOBALLY. DONE MISSED EVERY PERSONAL ENGAGEMENT IMAGINABLE TO GET DEALS DONE. AND AFTER ALL THIS, I'M JUST A SEXY PIECE OF HALAL ASS-MEAT FOR THE SECRETARIES TO GIGGLE AT. OK. SO THIS IS WHERE THINGS STAND. JUST EYE CANDY FOR YALL. WELL SAY NO MORE. TOMORROW IMMA WEAR HIJAB. AND A TRENCH COAT. "Have you seen smash today in a erykah badu head wrap? Did he lose his mind??" NAH BUT APPARENTLY YALL CAN'T STOP STARING SO I HAD TO CUT OFF THE SUPPLY. FIND ANOTHER PAIR OF BOUNTEOUS ASS CHEEKS TO OGLE THIS ONE IS OVER ISS CANCELED BLESS UP 😒😂😂😂 (📸: Reddit u-cantthinkofanamern)

Life update: remember the caption I wrote about bending down and busting the ass seam out of my suit pants? Well I sewed them up myself (as ...

Ass, Be Like, and Bitch: My sister got a new pup and they like to take her sailing So my lil homegirl text me saying "smash this dude keeps trying to get with me so I had to tell him I don't want to sleep with him and he went off." I said "baby why don't you slow-fade these guys don't be so direct lol". Um, nah. HELL nah. She proceeds to send me screenshots of dozens of thirsty texts this dude sent AFTER she had basically ceased communication. By then she got no choice but to ice u, and then SHE gotta be the 'bitch' smh. Now I could see how men might get they lil ego crushed when a girl say "dude I don't wanna bone u." But u wanna know the bigger issue? By the time she had to be blunt with u, she done sent 17 carefully worded ass texts tryina curve u but u so damn optimistic u turnt into Lloyd from Dumb and Dumber: "What do you think the chances are of a guy like you and a girl like me…ending up together?" Mary: "Not good." Lloyd: "You mean, not good like one out of a hundred?" Mary: "I’d say more like one out of a million." Lloyd: "So you’re telling me there’s a chance!" That's u bruh. Her: "ok I could probably maybe meet up for one drink but I gotta get home and wash my hair I have meetings tomorrow!" <- curve. Her: "haha that sounds fun but it's a hectic week for me 😐" <- curve. "Lol nice" <- literally never text me again please 🤗😂. Men y'all gotta understand if she like u, she gon let u know. U be like "aye baby u free Wednesday?" It don't matter if she free or not - if she fuck wit u, she gon do the mostest. "I'm actually in Milwaukee that afternoon for meetings but building in 90 minutes for the drive if I speed, I could come by at like 11 and tuck you in? I'll be in work clothes but I can sleep in one of your t shirts 🙃" <- Mikey, she likes you 😌😂. If I can leave u with one thing: LISTEN when she try to talk to u. HEAR what she saying not what u WANT to hear and she won't have to drop a bomb on u. Ya get me!! Bless up 😍😂😂😂 (📸: Reddit u-mascary)
Ass, Be Like, and Bitch: My sister got a new pup and they like
 to take her sailing
So my lil homegirl text me saying "smash this dude keeps trying to get with me so I had to tell him I don't want to sleep with him and he went off." I said "baby why don't you slow-fade these guys don't be so direct lol". Um, nah. HELL nah. She proceeds to send me screenshots of dozens of thirsty texts this dude sent AFTER she had basically ceased communication. By then she got no choice but to ice u, and then SHE gotta be the 'bitch' smh. Now I could see how men might get they lil ego crushed when a girl say "dude I don't wanna bone u." But u wanna know the bigger issue? By the time she had to be blunt with u, she done sent 17 carefully worded ass texts tryina curve u but u so damn optimistic u turnt into Lloyd from Dumb and Dumber: "What do you think the chances are of a guy like you and a girl like me…ending up together?" Mary: "Not good." Lloyd: "You mean, not good like one out of a hundred?" Mary: "I’d say more like one out of a million." Lloyd: "So you’re telling me there’s a chance!" That's u bruh. Her: "ok I could probably maybe meet up for one drink but I gotta get home and wash my hair I have meetings tomorrow!" <- curve. Her: "haha that sounds fun but it's a hectic week for me 😐" <- curve. "Lol nice" <- literally never text me again please 🤗😂. Men y'all gotta understand if she like u, she gon let u know. U be like "aye baby u free Wednesday?" It don't matter if she free or not - if she fuck wit u, she gon do the mostest. "I'm actually in Milwaukee that afternoon for meetings but building in 90 minutes for the drive if I speed, I could come by at like 11 and tuck you in? I'll be in work clothes but I can sleep in one of your t shirts 🙃" <- Mikey, she likes you 😌😂. If I can leave u with one thing: LISTEN when she try to talk to u. HEAR what she saying not what u WANT to hear and she won't have to drop a bomb on u. Ya get me!! Bless up 😍😂😂😂 (📸: Reddit u-mascary)

So my lil homegirl text me saying "smash this dude keeps trying to get with me so I had to tell him I don't want to sleep with him and he we...

Bless Up, Blessed, and Fail: They ripped open their bed and Dear Medical Establishment, My name is smash, and u got me all the way fucked up. 📍 <- that right there? That's the location of where u, the medical cot damn establishment, got me all the way completely and without any doubt fucked the fuck up. Lemme splain u. I go in to get tested. Nurse hand me the results. I'm nervous. Should I be nervous? Of course I should be nervous - everybody sexually active should be nervous bc people be lion 🦁. And in this state of nervousness, y'all hand me some shit where it say <0.90. That's my result. Carrot, decimal. It used to say "non reactive". Now y'all give me equations. Y'all don't just say "u got the Ursher disease" or "u could live to smash another day". Nah. Y'all wanna give me motherfucking code words. Then I gotta flip the page and find that <0.90 mean negative. Then I gotta google it, come to find out that the Hurp level gotta be 1.1 or above or else I'm negative. Well was I close? Was it 0.1? Or was it 0.6 where I got a teensie weensie amount of Hurp? This pass-fail shit? Fuck y'all 😂. (Editor's note: 0.6 would not be middle ground anyway. You have to be in the 0.9-1.1 range to be questionable TheMoreYouKnow.) In any event. Lemme get this shit straight. I come in to get tested and y'all gon put me back in middle school algebra. YALL 👏 GOT 👏 A 👏 BROTHER 👏 DOUBLE 👏 FUCKED 👏 UP 👏 WITH 👏 CHEESE 👏. I wanna open a envelope. It should have no math equations on it. It should have no charts and graphs. IDGAF about your disclaimers. It should be one sheet of white paper. In the middle it should say "DD" (drippy dick) or "NDD" (non drippy dick). THAT'S ALL I WANT FROM YALL. OTHER THAN THAT, SHUT ALL THE WAY UP 😂. Best regards, smash. P.s. I love it when I go get tested and make a fist and u nurses start telling me "ooooh u got nice veins 😍". Happens every time and y'all adorable for that. In fact it's a set-up for an amazing p0rno that I'll never shoot but if any of my followers are in Hollywood y'all should run with that and lemme do a cameo with a mask on (HECK IT MASK OFF) bless up 😂😂😂 (pic: @alondraxaz)
Bless Up, Blessed, and Fail: They ripped open their bed and
Dear Medical Establishment, My name is smash, and u got me all the way fucked up. 📍 <- that right there? That's the location of where u, the medical cot damn establishment, got me all the way completely and without any doubt fucked the fuck up. Lemme splain u. I go in to get tested. Nurse hand me the results. I'm nervous. Should I be nervous? Of course I should be nervous - everybody sexually active should be nervous bc people be lion 🦁. And in this state of nervousness, y'all hand me some shit where it say <0.90. That's my result. Carrot, decimal. It used to say "non reactive". Now y'all give me equations. Y'all don't just say "u got the Ursher disease" or "u could live to smash another day". Nah. Y'all wanna give me motherfucking code words. Then I gotta flip the page and find that <0.90 mean negative. Then I gotta google it, come to find out that the Hurp level gotta be 1.1 or above or else I'm negative. Well was I close? Was it 0.1? Or was it 0.6 where I got a teensie weensie amount of Hurp? This pass-fail shit? Fuck y'all 😂. (Editor's note: 0.6 would not be middle ground anyway. You have to be in the 0.9-1.1 range to be questionable TheMoreYouKnow.) In any event. Lemme get this shit straight. I come in to get tested and y'all gon put me back in middle school algebra. YALL 👏 GOT 👏 A 👏 BROTHER 👏 DOUBLE 👏 FUCKED 👏 UP 👏 WITH 👏 CHEESE 👏. I wanna open a envelope. It should have no math equations on it. It should have no charts and graphs. IDGAF about your disclaimers. It should be one sheet of white paper. In the middle it should say "DD" (drippy dick) or "NDD" (non drippy dick). THAT'S ALL I WANT FROM YALL. OTHER THAN THAT, SHUT ALL THE WAY UP 😂. Best regards, smash. P.s. I love it when I go get tested and make a fist and u nurses start telling me "ooooh u got nice veins 😍". Happens every time and y'all adorable for that. In fact it's a set-up for an amazing p0rno that I'll never shoot but if any of my followers are in Hollywood y'all should run with that and lemme do a cameo with a mask on (HECK IT MASK OFF) bless up 😂😂😂 (pic: @alondraxaz)

Dear Medical Establishment, My name is smash, and u got me all the way fucked up. 📍 <- that right there? That's the location of where u, the...