Muslim American
Muslim American

Muslim American

The Internets
The Internets

The Internets

But
But

But

That
That

That

No Snitching
No Snitching

No Snitching

No Snitch
No Snitch

No Snitch

Memed
Memed

Memed

Laughing At
Laughing At

Laughing At

rankings
 rankings

rankings

else
 else

else

🔥 | Latest

A Dream, Apple, and Big Sean: This is Blade. The vet said Blade is a German Shepard and Coyote mix Pic: reddit u/meganfoxpoops @DrSmashlove Now look bruv on principle I’m never gon block a brother from getting his bread by means of gainful employment. I love seeing my brothers shining. However I’m also gon express my opinions without constraint and anyone could get this work 🤗😂. With that said, I have detailed on the pages of this account the musicians I love. Future. PNB. A Boogie. 21. H.E.R. Tiller. U feel me? Thugger. Dolph. Brent Faiyaz. DVSN. Party. 6lack. But I have steadfastly roasted one artist even as he grew to heights that quite honestly baffled me. I told a story of talking music with a ting and she liked old boy and knowing right then that it was doomed 🙂. A dude who has been wack to me since Day 1 and it took for him to release an album produced entirely by Young Metro (the GOAT) to make y’all wake up and realize this man is a walking, breathing trash dumpster 😂. That brother right there is Big Sean or, as I call him, Smedium Sean. Now I’m not gon add to the flames of the fire that has grown on social media roasting this poor soul. Imma just drop a few quotes from his new album and let y’all judge: “What goes around comes around faster than fidgets.” ☹️. “Ye found a pro, so I guess that means I’m profound.” 😥. “My step brother used to flip them bags outside the crib like it was trash day...no Kim K, but he bagged Ye.” 😰. “I had a dream I rode with Rosa Parks...” Do it. Redeem yourself, brother. In this era where Colin has awakened a nation, talk yo sh!t young Lion! ✊ “I had a dream I rode with Rosa Parks in the back of the ‘bach...and we was blowing a blunt...and she was packing a strap.” 🤓🔫 DELETE THIS ALBUM OFF APPLE MUSIC-SPOTIFY LIL BRO AND HIRE DRAKE’S GHOST WRITER - THIS IS NOT WHAT YOU WANT YOUR LEGACY TO BE - YOU CAN SAVE THIS TRAIN WRECK - BUT ONLY IF U ACT FAST - IF U TAKE A 18 MONTH BREAK FROM MUSIC U STILL HAVE A CHANCE TO COME BACK AS A CHRISTIAN GOSPEL RAPPER LIKE MASE BUT EVEN THAT WINDOW IS CLOSING ... ACTUALLY PLEASE DON’T ... IF I HEAR U SAY “I had a dream I was on a yacht with Jesus - Brown girls yellow girls in the mix like Reese’s Pieces” SOMEONE MIGHT ASSASSINATE U BRUV ... JUST TAKE A OATH OF SILENCE AND LET JENIH AKIKO DO THE MUSIC ... BLESS UP 🙌😂😂😂
A Dream, Apple, and Big Sean: This is Blade. The vet said Blade is a German
 Shepard and Coyote mix
 Pic: reddit u/meganfoxpoops
 @DrSmashlove
Now look bruv on principle I’m never gon block a brother from getting his bread by means of gainful employment. I love seeing my brothers shining. However I’m also gon express my opinions without constraint and anyone could get this work 🤗😂. With that said, I have detailed on the pages of this account the musicians I love. Future. PNB. A Boogie. 21. H.E.R. Tiller. U feel me? Thugger. Dolph. Brent Faiyaz. DVSN. Party. 6lack. But I have steadfastly roasted one artist even as he grew to heights that quite honestly baffled me. I told a story of talking music with a ting and she liked old boy and knowing right then that it was doomed 🙂. A dude who has been wack to me since Day 1 and it took for him to release an album produced entirely by Young Metro (the GOAT) to make y’all wake up and realize this man is a walking, breathing trash dumpster 😂. That brother right there is Big Sean or, as I call him, Smedium Sean. Now I’m not gon add to the flames of the fire that has grown on social media roasting this poor soul. Imma just drop a few quotes from his new album and let y’all judge: “What goes around comes around faster than fidgets.” ☹️. “Ye found a pro, so I guess that means I’m profound.” 😥. “My step brother used to flip them bags outside the crib like it was trash day...no Kim K, but he bagged Ye.” 😰. “I had a dream I rode with Rosa Parks...” Do it. Redeem yourself, brother. In this era where Colin has awakened a nation, talk yo sh!t young Lion! ✊ “I had a dream I rode with Rosa Parks in the back of the ‘bach...and we was blowing a blunt...and she was packing a strap.” 🤓🔫 DELETE THIS ALBUM OFF APPLE MUSIC-SPOTIFY LIL BRO AND HIRE DRAKE’S GHOST WRITER - THIS IS NOT WHAT YOU WANT YOUR LEGACY TO BE - YOU CAN SAVE THIS TRAIN WRECK - BUT ONLY IF U ACT FAST - IF U TAKE A 18 MONTH BREAK FROM MUSIC U STILL HAVE A CHANCE TO COME BACK AS A CHRISTIAN GOSPEL RAPPER LIKE MASE BUT EVEN THAT WINDOW IS CLOSING ... ACTUALLY PLEASE DON’T ... IF I HEAR U SAY “I had a dream I was on a yacht with Jesus - Brown girls yellow girls in the mix like Reese’s Pieces” SOMEONE MIGHT ASSASSINATE U BRUV ... JUST TAKE A OATH OF SILENCE AND LET JENIH AKIKO DO THE MUSIC ... BLESS UP 🙌😂😂😂

Now look bruv on principle I’m never gon block a brother from getting his bread by means of gainful employment. I love seeing my brothers sh...

Af, Batman, and Bless Up: Thought I should share this pic of my tiny wrinkly pup Pic: reddit u/Chris Vin54 @DrSmashlove Last week I was driving on Lower Wacker, a big tunnel that go underneath Chicago. They filmed Batman there. It’s dope because u can drive fast AF and the lights whoosh by u and u feel like Batman for a sec before u come back to reality and realize u just a idiot in a Camry 🤗. So I hit the off ramp to get into the loop. Stopped completely. Long red light? 🤔 12 minutes later tho? Sumting Wong. I get out and walk and see two trucks stuck with they lights blinking. They ain’t going anywhere. And it’s a long, one way ramp. Now I done seent the movies bruv. When the tunnel is locked off like this and cars can’t go nowhere? This is where the Arabian terrorists (played by jewish actors with aggressive beards who do they best Arabic accent but really Issa Israeli accent - I see u Hollywood 🤗😂) jump out and gas everyone. Nah ✋. So I talk to some construction workers and I’m like “I’m backing everybody up” and they like *skrong Chicago accents* “IT’S IMPASSIBLE (impossible) DA CARS CAN’T BACK OUT OFF DA RAMP INTO TRAFFIC”. I’m like “bish watch”. So last car in line, Ol boy in Connie’s pizza truck who was barely onto the ramp? I negotiated with him to back straight back into the main tunnel. Then two sedans. A big a$$ delivery truck. A pickup truck. Basically just promising them it will be ok (it wasn’t Ok, someone could have come around the bend and onto the ramp too fast and killed us but I had to get to lunch with a client bruv if u gon get between me and my money u gon HAVE to kill me 🤗😂). Then me. I drive a lil coupe so I actually did a three point turn into a small loading dock and drove the wrong way out the ramp. The construction workers was like “this a$$hole in a suit did it” and I just waved at them like “ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE KEEP GOD FIRST BLESS UP”. I tell this story because everybody on the damn ramp had accepted and resigned themselves to they fate. They was all frantically telling the people at the place they was supposed to be that they’ll be delayed. I wasn’t gonna be resigned to my fate. GET UNSTUCK. IT WILL ENTAIL SOME RISK. BUT HELP YOURSELF AND OTHERS AND WITH GOD’S HELP YOU’LL BREAK FREE AND FLY. BLESS UP ❤️
Af, Batman, and Bless Up: Thought I should share this pic of my tiny
 wrinkly pup
 Pic: reddit u/Chris Vin54
 @DrSmashlove
Last week I was driving on Lower Wacker, a big tunnel that go underneath Chicago. They filmed Batman there. It’s dope because u can drive fast AF and the lights whoosh by u and u feel like Batman for a sec before u come back to reality and realize u just a idiot in a Camry 🤗. So I hit the off ramp to get into the loop. Stopped completely. Long red light? 🤔 12 minutes later tho? Sumting Wong. I get out and walk and see two trucks stuck with they lights blinking. They ain’t going anywhere. And it’s a long, one way ramp. Now I done seent the movies bruv. When the tunnel is locked off like this and cars can’t go nowhere? This is where the Arabian terrorists (played by jewish actors with aggressive beards who do they best Arabic accent but really Issa Israeli accent - I see u Hollywood 🤗😂) jump out and gas everyone. Nah ✋. So I talk to some construction workers and I’m like “I’m backing everybody up” and they like *skrong Chicago accents* “IT’S IMPASSIBLE (impossible) DA CARS CAN’T BACK OUT OFF DA RAMP INTO TRAFFIC”. I’m like “bish watch”. So last car in line, Ol boy in Connie’s pizza truck who was barely onto the ramp? I negotiated with him to back straight back into the main tunnel. Then two sedans. A big a$$ delivery truck. A pickup truck. Basically just promising them it will be ok (it wasn’t Ok, someone could have come around the bend and onto the ramp too fast and killed us but I had to get to lunch with a client bruv if u gon get between me and my money u gon HAVE to kill me 🤗😂). Then me. I drive a lil coupe so I actually did a three point turn into a small loading dock and drove the wrong way out the ramp. The construction workers was like “this a$$hole in a suit did it” and I just waved at them like “ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE KEEP GOD FIRST BLESS UP”. I tell this story because everybody on the damn ramp had accepted and resigned themselves to they fate. They was all frantically telling the people at the place they was supposed to be that they’ll be delayed. I wasn’t gonna be resigned to my fate. GET UNSTUCK. IT WILL ENTAIL SOME RISK. BUT HELP YOURSELF AND OTHERS AND WITH GOD’S HELP YOU’LL BREAK FREE AND FLY. BLESS UP ❤️

Last week I was driving on Lower Wacker, a big tunnel that go underneath Chicago. They filmed Batman there. It’s dope because u can drive fa...

Bless Up, Crazy, and Dude: Bear likes to hold his feet when he sleeps. Pic: reddit u/DarthFoxy @DrSmashlove DEAR STRANGERS THINGS YALL AINT HAVE TO KILL OFF THE CHUBBY, NERDY LOVABLE DUDE LIKE THAT, WE AIN’T EEN GET A CHANCE TO SEE OL BOY HIT WINONA WITH THAT NERDY DIH SO NOW SHE GON BE CRAZY FOR 17 MORE SEASONS YALL FOUL FOR THAT. PLUS HE WAS AN EARLY ADOPTER OF THE GIGANTIC VHS CAMERA YALL COULD HAVE MADE HIM FREAKY LIKE YALL COULD HAVE DIRECTED THE PLOT TO WHERE HE PIONEERED THE AMATEUR HOME VIDEO BEFORE ALL THESE WEIRDOS STARTED STRAPPING GO-PRO’s TO THEY HEADPIECE LOOKING LIKE CYCLOPS AND ISHT. BACK WHEN U RESPECTABLY PLACED THE HOME VHS RECORDER ON THE NIGHT STAND AND JUST LET IT ROLL LOL. THAT WAS WELL BEFORE MY TIME I’M JUST SAYING IT WAS MORE RESPECTFUL BACK THEN LIKE MEN WOULD GET THEY MULLET ON POINT AND ROCK A SILK ROBE MAYBE LIGHT A CANDLE AND PLAY LIONEL RITCHIE NOW U JUST PULL A iPHONE OUT SWIPE LEFT AND HIT RECORD IT WAS A MORE CINEMATIC - ROMANTIC TIME BACK THEN BUT I DIGRESS. YALL COULD HIRE ME AS A WRITER LEMME UPGRADE YALL THE CRAZY INDIAN GIRL GOT POTENTIAL AS A SUPERHERO DUO WITH ELEVEN BUT I DON’T TRUST YALL TO DO IT RIGHT REACH OUT NOW WHILE MY PRICE IS CHEAP - ONCE I GET MY BOOK DEAL MY PRICE GON GO WAY UP AND INSTEAD OF WORKING FOR FREE TACOS AND ICE CREAM IMMA DIRECT YOU TO MY TEAM OF THREE AGGRESSIVE JEWISH FEMALE LAWYERS WITH SOUTHERN ACCENTS LIKE THEM TEXAN JEWISH LADIES WHO DON’T PLAY BRUV THEY ACT NICE AND SOUTHERN SWEET BUT THEN WHEN U PUT INK TO PAPER THEY GON TAKE HALF OFF THE TOP. I’M ON SALE - BLACK SUNDAY SALE - HOLLA AT ME - LEMME UPGRADE SEASON 3 BLESS UP 🤗😍😂😂😂
Bless Up, Crazy, and Dude: Bear likes to hold his feet when he
 sleeps.
 Pic: reddit u/DarthFoxy
 @DrSmashlove
DEAR STRANGERS THINGS YALL AINT HAVE TO KILL OFF THE CHUBBY, NERDY LOVABLE DUDE LIKE THAT, WE AIN’T EEN GET A CHANCE TO SEE OL BOY HIT WINONA WITH THAT NERDY DIH SO NOW SHE GON BE CRAZY FOR 17 MORE SEASONS YALL FOUL FOR THAT. PLUS HE WAS AN EARLY ADOPTER OF THE GIGANTIC VHS CAMERA YALL COULD HAVE MADE HIM FREAKY LIKE YALL COULD HAVE DIRECTED THE PLOT TO WHERE HE PIONEERED THE AMATEUR HOME VIDEO BEFORE ALL THESE WEIRDOS STARTED STRAPPING GO-PRO’s TO THEY HEADPIECE LOOKING LIKE CYCLOPS AND ISHT. BACK WHEN U RESPECTABLY PLACED THE HOME VHS RECORDER ON THE NIGHT STAND AND JUST LET IT ROLL LOL. THAT WAS WELL BEFORE MY TIME I’M JUST SAYING IT WAS MORE RESPECTFUL BACK THEN LIKE MEN WOULD GET THEY MULLET ON POINT AND ROCK A SILK ROBE MAYBE LIGHT A CANDLE AND PLAY LIONEL RITCHIE NOW U JUST PULL A iPHONE OUT SWIPE LEFT AND HIT RECORD IT WAS A MORE CINEMATIC - ROMANTIC TIME BACK THEN BUT I DIGRESS. YALL COULD HIRE ME AS A WRITER LEMME UPGRADE YALL THE CRAZY INDIAN GIRL GOT POTENTIAL AS A SUPERHERO DUO WITH ELEVEN BUT I DON’T TRUST YALL TO DO IT RIGHT REACH OUT NOW WHILE MY PRICE IS CHEAP - ONCE I GET MY BOOK DEAL MY PRICE GON GO WAY UP AND INSTEAD OF WORKING FOR FREE TACOS AND ICE CREAM IMMA DIRECT YOU TO MY TEAM OF THREE AGGRESSIVE JEWISH FEMALE LAWYERS WITH SOUTHERN ACCENTS LIKE THEM TEXAN JEWISH LADIES WHO DON’T PLAY BRUV THEY ACT NICE AND SOUTHERN SWEET BUT THEN WHEN U PUT INK TO PAPER THEY GON TAKE HALF OFF THE TOP. I’M ON SALE - BLACK SUNDAY SALE - HOLLA AT ME - LEMME UPGRADE SEASON 3 BLESS UP 🤗😍😂😂😂

DEAR STRANGERS THINGS YALL AINT HAVE TO KILL OFF THE CHUBBY, NERDY LOVABLE DUDE LIKE THAT, WE AIN’T EEN GET A CHANCE TO SEE OL BOY HIT WINON...

Af, Bless Up, and College: She was an old dog when she moved in with us - nine years old at the time. Last month she turned old enough to be able to vote Shout to u ladies whose grammar and spelling turn poor AF when u s€xt!ng bruv. In fact when the grammar-spelling too on point and the punctuation is all in the right place it’s almost like wtf? If u so fired up how u typing so good ma sumting wong 🤔. Nah. Lemme see that urgency. “Omg daddy that would feel so goog please dady”. Yes ma’am! I’m there! This wasn’t no cut and paste! Stop it ladies I know some of y’all in the game like magazine editors out dis bih. Cosmopolitan Editor-in-Chief and sh*t bruv “83 ways to please your man” lookin a$$, ol “Lemme grab this perfect photograph with optimal lighting from when Obama was just elected and it was a better time and lemme pair it with this text that has worked 11 times before” and the man usually buy it just like “omg Karen you’re AMAZING lol heck 😍”. Nah. I be searching the room for clues. “That Dell laptop look like a college joint ma. Freshman special lmao. Paid $899 at orientation at the campus bookstore lookin a$$. Lemme find out this pic is circa 2008. This pic turning 10 next year. We need to celebrate the taking of this pic ma u need to retire this pic...Nine years of service ma that pic need a pension and a retiree health care plan” 😂. Nah. Send me a hastily worded text u typed with one hand (😍) and pair it with a pic where yo hair look a mess and u laying in bed talmbout “pardon the mess and pardon my cat he’s an a$$hole” send me THAT. All natural. U feel me? NOTHING AGAINST MAKEUP I LOVE U LADIES AND YALL ONE INCH THICK MAKEUP TUTORIAL EYEBROWS WITH THE MASTERFULLY DONE FADE BUT I ALSO LOVE U WITH YA NORMAL EYEBROWS, BAGS UNDER YA EYES, SKRETCH MARKS, NANI STUBBLE WITH THE SKRAGGLY BUCKSHOT STRAY SHORT HAIR RIGHT WHERE THE THIGH MEAT CREASES TO MEET THE NANI REGION (Lil Atticus Pubicus u doing the best u can u escaped the razor this time and u be gone by next time but u fought the good fight, u da real MVP 🏅😂), CELLULITE, OTHER “imperfections”, I’LL TAKE ANY DAY OVER A PIC FROM WHEN JA RULE WAS SO HOT THAT JAY-Z MADE A MUSICAL GROUP WITH HIM (all u lil babies out there please google ‘Murder Inc.’, this happened 🤗, don’t say smash never taught u nothing BLESS UP 😩😂😂😂)
Af, Bless Up, and College: She was an old dog when she
 moved in with us - nine years
 old at the time. Last month she
 turned old enough to be able
 to vote
Shout to u ladies whose grammar and spelling turn poor AF when u s€xt!ng bruv. In fact when the grammar-spelling too on point and the punctuation is all in the right place it’s almost like wtf? If u so fired up how u typing so good ma sumting wong 🤔. Nah. Lemme see that urgency. “Omg daddy that would feel so goog please dady”. Yes ma’am! I’m there! This wasn’t no cut and paste! Stop it ladies I know some of y’all in the game like magazine editors out dis bih. Cosmopolitan Editor-in-Chief and sh*t bruv “83 ways to please your man” lookin a$$, ol “Lemme grab this perfect photograph with optimal lighting from when Obama was just elected and it was a better time and lemme pair it with this text that has worked 11 times before” and the man usually buy it just like “omg Karen you’re AMAZING lol heck 😍”. Nah. I be searching the room for clues. “That Dell laptop look like a college joint ma. Freshman special lmao. Paid $899 at orientation at the campus bookstore lookin a$$. Lemme find out this pic is circa 2008. This pic turning 10 next year. We need to celebrate the taking of this pic ma u need to retire this pic...Nine years of service ma that pic need a pension and a retiree health care plan” 😂. Nah. Send me a hastily worded text u typed with one hand (😍) and pair it with a pic where yo hair look a mess and u laying in bed talmbout “pardon the mess and pardon my cat he’s an a$$hole” send me THAT. All natural. U feel me? NOTHING AGAINST MAKEUP I LOVE U LADIES AND YALL ONE INCH THICK MAKEUP TUTORIAL EYEBROWS WITH THE MASTERFULLY DONE FADE BUT I ALSO LOVE U WITH YA NORMAL EYEBROWS, BAGS UNDER YA EYES, SKRETCH MARKS, NANI STUBBLE WITH THE SKRAGGLY BUCKSHOT STRAY SHORT HAIR RIGHT WHERE THE THIGH MEAT CREASES TO MEET THE NANI REGION (Lil Atticus Pubicus u doing the best u can u escaped the razor this time and u be gone by next time but u fought the good fight, u da real MVP 🏅😂), CELLULITE, OTHER “imperfections”, I’LL TAKE ANY DAY OVER A PIC FROM WHEN JA RULE WAS SO HOT THAT JAY-Z MADE A MUSICAL GROUP WITH HIM (all u lil babies out there please google ‘Murder Inc.’, this happened 🤗, don’t say smash never taught u nothing BLESS UP 😩😂😂😂)

Shout to u ladies whose grammar and spelling turn poor AF when u s€xt!ng bruv. In fact when the grammar-spelling too on point and the punctu...

Ass, Be Like, and Bless Up: Pic: reddit usullyTheEnglishLab @DrSmashlove Say bruv shout to u ladies leaving comments and sending me DMs asking when I’m finna start writing about Punani again. U know what bruv? U ladies wild lemme tell u why. Turn the tables. Just for a sec, turn the tables for me. What if I was in the comment section of your favorite betch account talmbout “PP PP PPs PLEASE! MEMES ON PPs, JOKES ON PPs, CAPTIONS ON PPs MEOW...RIGHT MEOW! WHAT DO WE WANT?? PP 🤗. WHEN DO WE WANT IT? NOW! PPbrigade TeamPP EggplantMafia 💪.” All u ladies in the comments would be like “Jesus what’s up with this Durs Mashlove nutcase constantly talking about PPs like let her post ads for strapless, backless pull-together bra’s that are useless after the first wear, framed maps that nobody needs, and $1 recurring subscription Ponzi scheme bracelets, and the occasional worn-out, not-even-funny-anymore, circa 2014 xeroxed-looking, light-blue-tint-for-no-reason trash can Meme about something dating-related but literally not even relatable by any sane, reasonably normal human — sheesh.” But nah. Hells nah. In Smashland if my ladies don’t get they weekly dose of Punani bruv I gotta hear about it. “What’s wrong smash why you G-rated now smash you used to be filthy smash you fell off smash where’s smash bring smash back.” *Dr. Evil voice* ALRIGHT ZIPPIT. ZIPPIT. ZIPPP. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury...ExZIPPIT A. “Look I’m zippy longstocking” ZIPPIT 🤗. U need it. I’m like a boyfriend u can’t leave because the pipe too good - u gon come around regardless and u gon get this work regardless. REGARDLESS. I could post puppies only and three laughy emojis like Daquan and u STILL gon come back like a crack fiend BC U ADDICTED MAMA U LOVEEEEE IT. U STUCK WITH ME. BE PATIENT. PUNANI POST SOON COME STAY CHUNE. (Nah but keep the aggression coming. It’s nothing more attractive than a sassy, damn near tyrannical-ass crazy tyrannosaurus woman barking orders at me. It floats my boat. Go head with them short arms and pointy chompers Mama let’s make a happy home together and call it Jurassic Park (“is this West Indian lilac? Are you sure?” 🤔). Love y’all. Don’t change. DON’T CHANGE UNLESS IF IT’S TO GET CLOSER TO GOD BLESS UP 😍😂😂😂).
Ass, Be Like, and Bless Up: Pic: reddit usullyTheEnglishLab
 @DrSmashlove
Say bruv shout to u ladies leaving comments and sending me DMs asking when I’m finna start writing about Punani again. U know what bruv? U ladies wild lemme tell u why. Turn the tables. Just for a sec, turn the tables for me. What if I was in the comment section of your favorite betch account talmbout “PP PP PPs PLEASE! MEMES ON PPs, JOKES ON PPs, CAPTIONS ON PPs MEOW...RIGHT MEOW! WHAT DO WE WANT?? PP 🤗. WHEN DO WE WANT IT? NOW! PPbrigade TeamPP EggplantMafia 💪.” All u ladies in the comments would be like “Jesus what’s up with this Durs Mashlove nutcase constantly talking about PPs like let her post ads for strapless, backless pull-together bra’s that are useless after the first wear, framed maps that nobody needs, and $1 recurring subscription Ponzi scheme bracelets, and the occasional worn-out, not-even-funny-anymore, circa 2014 xeroxed-looking, light-blue-tint-for-no-reason trash can Meme about something dating-related but literally not even relatable by any sane, reasonably normal human — sheesh.” But nah. Hells nah. In Smashland if my ladies don’t get they weekly dose of Punani bruv I gotta hear about it. “What’s wrong smash why you G-rated now smash you used to be filthy smash you fell off smash where’s smash bring smash back.” *Dr. Evil voice* ALRIGHT ZIPPIT. ZIPPIT. ZIPPP. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury...ExZIPPIT A. “Look I’m zippy longstocking” ZIPPIT 🤗. U need it. I’m like a boyfriend u can’t leave because the pipe too good - u gon come around regardless and u gon get this work regardless. REGARDLESS. I could post puppies only and three laughy emojis like Daquan and u STILL gon come back like a crack fiend BC U ADDICTED MAMA U LOVEEEEE IT. U STUCK WITH ME. BE PATIENT. PUNANI POST SOON COME STAY CHUNE. (Nah but keep the aggression coming. It’s nothing more attractive than a sassy, damn near tyrannical-ass crazy tyrannosaurus woman barking orders at me. It floats my boat. Go head with them short arms and pointy chompers Mama let’s make a happy home together and call it Jurassic Park (“is this West Indian lilac? Are you sure?” 🤔). Love y’all. Don’t change. DON’T CHANGE UNLESS IF IT’S TO GET CLOSER TO GOD BLESS UP 😍😂😂😂).

Say bruv shout to u ladies leaving comments and sending me DMs asking when I’m finna start writing about Punani again. U know what bruv? U l...

Black Friday, Bless Up, and Church: Adopted this guy last weekend. Went straight to the store to get him food and treats. He picked this all by himself. He won't leave my side. I think he's happy. Pic: reddit u/txraised512 @DrSmashlove 7 After Black Friday and Magic Monday (Marvelous Monday? Mellifluous Monday? Lol) comes GivingTuesday - lots and lots of great charities have lined up donors that will match your giving today, so every dollar you donate gets matched and amplified. Do one good deed; get credit for two good deeds...that’s a square deal if I’ve ever seen one 🤗. As you know I always keep the link to a worthy charity in my bio - today it’s SAMS, which is a nonpolitical, nonprofit medical relief organization that works on the front lines of crisis relief in Syria and neighboring countries to alleviate suffering and save lives. But today I want you to give to whatever cause speaks to you. And it need not be international in scope - maybe your local church, synagogue, temple, or mosque is tryina get some nice tings popping locally for poor people or immigrants or others who need help - go ahead and throw them a few bucks and I ask God to reward you a million times over. We are inundated with Google ads day in and day out to buy that sweater or that jacket or that pair of boots we’ve been eyeing. Lemme tell you a secret: YOU DON’T NEED IT. IF YOU DID, YOU ALREADY WOULD HAVE BOUGHT IT. NOW THEY JUST TRYINA HYPNOTIZE YOU LOL 🤗. Give that money to a charity that needs it. Ya get me! Or even a family member who’s not in a good place and needs a pick me up. They’ll remember it. And I ask God to reward you for it. Love y’all! Bless up 😍❤️🤲
Black Friday, Bless Up, and Church: Adopted this guy last weekend. Went
 straight to the store to get him food and
 treats. He picked this all by himself. He won't
 leave my side. I think he's happy.
 Pic: reddit u/txraised512
 @DrSmashlove
 7
After Black Friday and Magic Monday (Marvelous Monday? Mellifluous Monday? Lol) comes GivingTuesday - lots and lots of great charities have lined up donors that will match your giving today, so every dollar you donate gets matched and amplified. Do one good deed; get credit for two good deeds...that’s a square deal if I’ve ever seen one 🤗. As you know I always keep the link to a worthy charity in my bio - today it’s SAMS, which is a nonpolitical, nonprofit medical relief organization that works on the front lines of crisis relief in Syria and neighboring countries to alleviate suffering and save lives. But today I want you to give to whatever cause speaks to you. And it need not be international in scope - maybe your local church, synagogue, temple, or mosque is tryina get some nice tings popping locally for poor people or immigrants or others who need help - go ahead and throw them a few bucks and I ask God to reward you a million times over. We are inundated with Google ads day in and day out to buy that sweater or that jacket or that pair of boots we’ve been eyeing. Lemme tell you a secret: YOU DON’T NEED IT. IF YOU DID, YOU ALREADY WOULD HAVE BOUGHT IT. NOW THEY JUST TRYINA HYPNOTIZE YOU LOL 🤗. Give that money to a charity that needs it. Ya get me! Or even a family member who’s not in a good place and needs a pick me up. They’ll remember it. And I ask God to reward you for it. Love y’all! Bless up 😍❤️🤲

After Black Friday and Magic Monday (Marvelous Monday? Mellifluous Monday? Lol) comes GivingTuesday - lots and lots of great charities have ...

Beard, Bless Up, and Cookies: u/mr oberts 16d i.redd.it My wife does wedding flowers and occasionally gets to make flower collars for dogs. Here is Donna helping out by modeling @DrSmashlove Today I have reached the high point of my career, bruv. No I did not get a promotion. Nor did I get a raise. Did my title change? Also no. Corner office? No ma’am (thankfully my office-view is pretty dope as it is and for that I am thankful 🤲). Head of a group? Nuh uh. Something sweeter. Something more valuable. Something nearer and dearer to my heart. Today, dear friends, when the food services people (who are the real MVPs) set up my business lunch in the conference center (chicken breasts, fingerling potatoes, Brussels sprouts, salad, rolls and cookies...side note...fingerling? LMAO. Who invented this word? It’s like the daintiest, most petite finger. “Alice has the most adorable hands. They’re not even fingers...they’re fingerlings 🤗.” But I got big hands so what that make me? “Smash got bear paws, bruv. He ain’t een got fingers, he got ‘Fingertons’” 😩 ok imma donkey lemme stop). So anyway when I get to the room and they had lunch set up...THEY ALREADY PUT THE TABASCO AND SRIRACHA OUT THERE FOR ME 😥. I was so happy I was damn near beaming. A lump formed in my throat and a single tear trickled down my low, shaped beard. No more walk of shame to the supplies closet where they hide the seasonings so some of our more Caucasoidally-inclined clients don’t sustain any inadvertent burns (caucasoids I love yall and I know some of u are bout that spicy lifestyle but some of u might damn near cough out a lung out if we keeping it 600 lol.) The staff had my back. They knew that these negotiations are tough when I attempt to choke down a completely unseasoned chicken breast, as my esophagus will sometimes reject food that hasn’t been bathed in at least two or three different hot sauces. Today’s negotiation went wonderfully. I felt like I was skipping about the room in a tutu lmao pause. Anyway I feel like it’s not much more for me to do out here, bruv. I always felt like an outsider in this corporate ting, but today...I still feel like an outsider 🤗 LMAO BUT THEY HAD MY BACK WITH THE HOT SAUCE AND IMMA REMEMBER THIS DAY FOREVER. NEVER LOSE SIGHT OF THE LITTLE WINS. MamaWeMadeIt BLESS UP 🤗😂😂😂
Beard, Bless Up, and Cookies: u/mr oberts 16d i.redd.it
 My wife does wedding flowers and
 occasionally gets to make flower collars for
 dogs. Here is Donna helping out by modeling
 @DrSmashlove
Today I have reached the high point of my career, bruv. No I did not get a promotion. Nor did I get a raise. Did my title change? Also no. Corner office? No ma’am (thankfully my office-view is pretty dope as it is and for that I am thankful 🤲). Head of a group? Nuh uh. Something sweeter. Something more valuable. Something nearer and dearer to my heart. Today, dear friends, when the food services people (who are the real MVPs) set up my business lunch in the conference center (chicken breasts, fingerling potatoes, Brussels sprouts, salad, rolls and cookies...side note...fingerling? LMAO. Who invented this word? It’s like the daintiest, most petite finger. “Alice has the most adorable hands. They’re not even fingers...they’re fingerlings 🤗.” But I got big hands so what that make me? “Smash got bear paws, bruv. He ain’t een got fingers, he got ‘Fingertons’” 😩 ok imma donkey lemme stop). So anyway when I get to the room and they had lunch set up...THEY ALREADY PUT THE TABASCO AND SRIRACHA OUT THERE FOR ME 😥. I was so happy I was damn near beaming. A lump formed in my throat and a single tear trickled down my low, shaped beard. No more walk of shame to the supplies closet where they hide the seasonings so some of our more Caucasoidally-inclined clients don’t sustain any inadvertent burns (caucasoids I love yall and I know some of u are bout that spicy lifestyle but some of u might damn near cough out a lung out if we keeping it 600 lol.) The staff had my back. They knew that these negotiations are tough when I attempt to choke down a completely unseasoned chicken breast, as my esophagus will sometimes reject food that hasn’t been bathed in at least two or three different hot sauces. Today’s negotiation went wonderfully. I felt like I was skipping about the room in a tutu lmao pause. Anyway I feel like it’s not much more for me to do out here, bruv. I always felt like an outsider in this corporate ting, but today...I still feel like an outsider 🤗 LMAO BUT THEY HAD MY BACK WITH THE HOT SAUCE AND IMMA REMEMBER THIS DAY FOREVER. NEVER LOSE SIGHT OF THE LITTLE WINS. MamaWeMadeIt BLESS UP 🤗😂😂😂

Today I have reached the high point of my career, bruv. No I did not get a promotion. Nor did I get a raise. Did my title change? Also no. C...

Af, Apparently, and Bless Up: This was Victor, the most Handsome guest at my friend's wedding. Pic: reddit u/Komosoby @DrSmashlove I MET A CURVY LIL HALF JEWISH HALF ITALIAN TING AND SHE CALLED HERSELF A “pizza bagel ☺️” I’M DONE SMASH IS OVER IT’S CANCELLED 🤓🔫. NAH BUT FR COMMENT BELOW WITH YOUR FAVORITE RIDICULOUS ETHNIC MIX PUN. “My lil homegirl is black, Japanese and thicc AF I call her my lil chocolate mochi ball 🍡” U DIG?! 😂 p.s. MY COMMENT SECTION IS A LOVING, WELCOMING AND FRIENDLY PLACE ... (PLEASE) DON’T BE MEAN-SPIRITED ... BUT IF U FEEL THE OVERWHELMING URGE TO COMMENT SOMETHING RACIST, REST ASSURE I WON’T DELETE, I’LL JUST LET YO COMMENT RIDE OUT AND LET MY LIL WOKE AF HOMEGIRLS CHEW U UP LIKE A PUPPY SEEING IT’S FIRST NEWSPAPER 🐕... THEY JUST WAKING UP NOW FROM A DEPRESSION NAP HAVING THEY COFFEE AND COMBING THRU POORLY-WORDED, VAGUELY THANKSGIVING-THEMED END-OF-HOLIDAY TEXTS FROM FVCKBOYS (“hey pumpkin pie I miss that punpkin pie lol when u guna... let me taste that pumkin tie aye when u flying back”) AND THEY FEELING ESPECIALLY “Sunday morning - afternoon feisty”, JUST WISHING A HITTA WOULD ... IF U FEELING FROGGY, THEN LEAP 🐸 ... WE DARE U 🤗 ... BLESS UP 😩😂 p.p.s. EXTRA POINTS AWARDED IF U HAVE A HOMEGIRL THAT’S LATINA AND ARABIAN AND U BLEND GUAC AND HUMMUS BC THAT’S THIS WEEKEND’S THEME...APPARENTLY 🤠👳‍♂️😂😂😂
Af, Apparently, and Bless Up: This was Victor, the most Handsome guest at
 my friend's wedding.
 Pic: reddit u/Komosoby
 @DrSmashlove
I MET A CURVY LIL HALF JEWISH HALF ITALIAN TING AND SHE CALLED HERSELF A “pizza bagel ☺️” I’M DONE SMASH IS OVER IT’S CANCELLED 🤓🔫. NAH BUT FR COMMENT BELOW WITH YOUR FAVORITE RIDICULOUS ETHNIC MIX PUN. “My lil homegirl is black, Japanese and thicc AF I call her my lil chocolate mochi ball 🍡” U DIG?! 😂 p.s. MY COMMENT SECTION IS A LOVING, WELCOMING AND FRIENDLY PLACE ... (PLEASE) DON’T BE MEAN-SPIRITED ... BUT IF U FEEL THE OVERWHELMING URGE TO COMMENT SOMETHING RACIST, REST ASSURE I WON’T DELETE, I’LL JUST LET YO COMMENT RIDE OUT AND LET MY LIL WOKE AF HOMEGIRLS CHEW U UP LIKE A PUPPY SEEING IT’S FIRST NEWSPAPER 🐕... THEY JUST WAKING UP NOW FROM A DEPRESSION NAP HAVING THEY COFFEE AND COMBING THRU POORLY-WORDED, VAGUELY THANKSGIVING-THEMED END-OF-HOLIDAY TEXTS FROM FVCKBOYS (“hey pumpkin pie I miss that punpkin pie lol when u guna... let me taste that pumkin tie aye when u flying back”) AND THEY FEELING ESPECIALLY “Sunday morning - afternoon feisty”, JUST WISHING A HITTA WOULD ... IF U FEELING FROGGY, THEN LEAP 🐸 ... WE DARE U 🤗 ... BLESS UP 😩😂 p.p.s. EXTRA POINTS AWARDED IF U HAVE A HOMEGIRL THAT’S LATINA AND ARABIAN AND U BLEND GUAC AND HUMMUS BC THAT’S THIS WEEKEND’S THEME...APPARENTLY 🤠👳‍♂️😂😂😂

I MET A CURVY LIL HALF JEWISH HALF ITALIAN TING AND SHE CALLED HERSELF A “pizza bagel ☺️” I’M DONE SMASH IS OVER IT’S CANCELLED 🤓🔫. NAH BUT ...

Bless Up, Guacamole, and Life: New pupper meets old soul. Pic: reddit u/Scotty367 @DrSmashlove On the path to being grown and sexy all women will go thru a cheese, cracker, grape and apricot platter phase. I see u, baby girl. Grown. Mature. Sophisticated. Appetizer looking like a still life painting. Put out some red wine, bam. Now u a grown and sexy hostess. U hit some bumps on the way here but u here now. U made it. U serving an appetizer that looks aesthetically wondrous. However there is one, small problem. Just one. U ready? NOBODY WANT CRACKERS AND CHEESE BRUV, YUCK LMAO. Let me upgrade u. U wanna serve something everyone will rave about? U wanna serve something people will love with all they heart? U wanna be the Belle of the MF Ball? HUMMUS AND GUACAMOLE. Do not over complicate this. Do not get creative. Do not ruin a perfect thing. Hummus...and guac. In two separate bowls. In between? Them thin crispy salty tortilla chips and if u really can’t fight the urge to be fancy, some veggies to dip. That’s it. “Wow the Camembert in that cheese, cracker, grape and apricot platter was absolutely delectable” - no human being, ever. “OMG I COULD BATHE IN GUAC. AND HUMMUS. LIKE LITERALLY BATHE ME IN A VAT OF GUAC AND HUMMUS AND RUB IT ON MY CHEST AND SHAMPOO MY HAIR WITH IT LOL DAMN IT’S GONE.....OMG AMANDA BROUGHT OUT MORE SORRY BRB ☺️.” - everyone. Guac and hummus. U could be the worst cook ever - don’t een matter - all the guests already gon be full off of guac. And hummus 🤗. Aight? I just upgraded u. When u host the best holiday party ever next week and nobody can een explain why and they just speechless like “AMANDA OMG THIS PARTY WAS AMAZING U R MARTHA STEWART LOL” just do me one favor. Just one. Say “smashy taught me” BLESS UP 😍😂😂😂
Bless Up, Guacamole, and Life: New pupper meets old soul.
 Pic: reddit u/Scotty367
 @DrSmashlove
On the path to being grown and sexy all women will go thru a cheese, cracker, grape and apricot platter phase. I see u, baby girl. Grown. Mature. Sophisticated. Appetizer looking like a still life painting. Put out some red wine, bam. Now u a grown and sexy hostess. U hit some bumps on the way here but u here now. U made it. U serving an appetizer that looks aesthetically wondrous. However there is one, small problem. Just one. U ready? NOBODY WANT CRACKERS AND CHEESE BRUV, YUCK LMAO. Let me upgrade u. U wanna serve something everyone will rave about? U wanna serve something people will love with all they heart? U wanna be the Belle of the MF Ball? HUMMUS AND GUACAMOLE. Do not over complicate this. Do not get creative. Do not ruin a perfect thing. Hummus...and guac. In two separate bowls. In between? Them thin crispy salty tortilla chips and if u really can’t fight the urge to be fancy, some veggies to dip. That’s it. “Wow the Camembert in that cheese, cracker, grape and apricot platter was absolutely delectable” - no human being, ever. “OMG I COULD BATHE IN GUAC. AND HUMMUS. LIKE LITERALLY BATHE ME IN A VAT OF GUAC AND HUMMUS AND RUB IT ON MY CHEST AND SHAMPOO MY HAIR WITH IT LOL DAMN IT’S GONE.....OMG AMANDA BROUGHT OUT MORE SORRY BRB ☺️.” - everyone. Guac and hummus. U could be the worst cook ever - don’t een matter - all the guests already gon be full off of guac. And hummus 🤗. Aight? I just upgraded u. When u host the best holiday party ever next week and nobody can een explain why and they just speechless like “AMANDA OMG THIS PARTY WAS AMAZING U R MARTHA STEWART LOL” just do me one favor. Just one. Say “smashy taught me” BLESS UP 😍😂😂😂

On the path to being grown and sexy all women will go thru a cheese, cracker, grape and apricot platter phase. I see u, baby girl. Grown. Ma...

Af, Anaconda, and Asian: u/Meems138 3d i.redd.it Gabby knows where all the heating vents are @DrSmashlove So one of my followers DMed me from China talmbout “smash you talked about big girls and you talked about thicky thicc girls ... what about small girls?” Well baby girl I’m glad u asked. Now see a lot of American men got a lil diminutive, subservient Asian girl geisha type fetish. Bruv 😤...STOP IT WITH THAT SH!T YALL GROSS 😂. And what I love most is they wife a Asian girl and she gon turn his COT DAMN life upside down because lo and behold! Asian girls are aggressive AF 🤗😂. Underneath that modest frame and chill demeanor is a fire breathing dragon - it’s all fun and games till u wife her up and find out that just like the skinny Somalian dude in the tom hanks movie...she da captain now lmao. They don’t call them “Tiger Moms” for nothing! Naw I ain’t about no damn racist fetishes. I love u lil Asian girls because the fact is, y’all make the best dinner companions bc y’all dainty! Y’all barely eat! Y’all just nibble! It’s so adorable! LMFAO JK YALL EAT LIKE LIONS WHO ARE BEING STARVED BEFORE FIGHTING A WARRIOR IN A ROMAN COLISEUM AND YALL AINT SEEN FOOD FOR TWO DAYS BEFORE THE MATCH THAT’S HOW YALL EAT 😂. If u ain’t seen this sh!t bruv, it’s a thing of wonderment. I honestly am astonished every time. U lil Asian girls bruv I don’t een know where the food go...Is your chest cavity comprised entirely of stomach? 😂 Four tacos, half a burrito, and u scraping the bottom of the guacamole bowl? I SEENT IT 😂. Dated this one girl bruv half Asian half white 5’7” UNDER 100 LBS we went to Kuma’s which serve burgers the size of volleyballs she bodied it, bodied the waffle fries and we got fro yo after. Nah. Hell nah. To keep up with a Asian girl bruv u need a second mortgage. Fvck around and redo ya whole dating budget. Food (per month): $10,000 (for the lion dragon Monster). 😂 FR tho I love u lil Asian girls. Fvck around and leave me dead broke off of four dates but it’s worth it, my body is ready. SMASH LOVES ALL BODY TYPES THICC AND THIN BIG AND SMALL I’M WARNING YALL THO THE LIL ONES AIN NOTHING TO EFF WITH FINANCIALLY BLESS UP 😍😂😂😂
Af, Anaconda, and Asian: u/Meems138 3d i.redd.it
 Gabby knows where all the heating vents are
 @DrSmashlove
So one of my followers DMed me from China talmbout “smash you talked about big girls and you talked about thicky thicc girls ... what about small girls?” Well baby girl I’m glad u asked. Now see a lot of American men got a lil diminutive, subservient Asian girl geisha type fetish. Bruv 😤...STOP IT WITH THAT SH!T YALL GROSS 😂. And what I love most is they wife a Asian girl and she gon turn his COT DAMN life upside down because lo and behold! Asian girls are aggressive AF 🤗😂. Underneath that modest frame and chill demeanor is a fire breathing dragon - it’s all fun and games till u wife her up and find out that just like the skinny Somalian dude in the tom hanks movie...she da captain now lmao. They don’t call them “Tiger Moms” for nothing! Naw I ain’t about no damn racist fetishes. I love u lil Asian girls because the fact is, y’all make the best dinner companions bc y’all dainty! Y’all barely eat! Y’all just nibble! It’s so adorable! LMFAO JK YALL EAT LIKE LIONS WHO ARE BEING STARVED BEFORE FIGHTING A WARRIOR IN A ROMAN COLISEUM AND YALL AINT SEEN FOOD FOR TWO DAYS BEFORE THE MATCH THAT’S HOW YALL EAT 😂. If u ain’t seen this sh!t bruv, it’s a thing of wonderment. I honestly am astonished every time. U lil Asian girls bruv I don’t een know where the food go...Is your chest cavity comprised entirely of stomach? 😂 Four tacos, half a burrito, and u scraping the bottom of the guacamole bowl? I SEENT IT 😂. Dated this one girl bruv half Asian half white 5’7” UNDER 100 LBS we went to Kuma’s which serve burgers the size of volleyballs she bodied it, bodied the waffle fries and we got fro yo after. Nah. Hell nah. To keep up with a Asian girl bruv u need a second mortgage. Fvck around and redo ya whole dating budget. Food (per month): $10,000 (for the lion dragon Monster). 😂 FR tho I love u lil Asian girls. Fvck around and leave me dead broke off of four dates but it’s worth it, my body is ready. SMASH LOVES ALL BODY TYPES THICC AND THIN BIG AND SMALL I’M WARNING YALL THO THE LIL ONES AIN NOTHING TO EFF WITH FINANCIALLY BLESS UP 😍😂😂😂

So one of my followers DMed me from China talmbout “smash you talked about big girls and you talked about thicky thicc girls ... what about ...

Af, Bless Up, and Crazy: The girl we groomed today would hold onto anything you handed her. Imma keep it 600 with y’all. I struggled badly with this account for a hot minute in the past couple weeks and I had to reflect deeply in my heart as to whether or not to keep this ting going. I derive zero financial rewards from this. It’s an outlet, plain and simple, for my cray cray, and so my reward is the sweet release of talking my sh!t and seeing y’all get entertained, while sometimes pointing y’all to some good causes worthy of your money 🙌. And that’s been worth the world to me. I’m thankful to God for placing Faith in my heart. I’m thankful for Family. I’m thankful for my job and the roof over my head. I’m thankful for my dear friends. And on this day I’m especially thankful for you. Every one of you. Y’all have become Family. If I don’t post in a minute, y’all start messaging asking if I’m ok. When I started posting like normal again I got dozens of messages saying “good to have you back”. When I post something funny y’all are quick with the love. When I say something sideways y’all are quick (AF 🤗) to correct me and point out my ignorance (I am pleased to report that my comment section is one of the biggest collections of strong, independent women on earth. Never change! 😍) We exchange ideas and concepts like mature grown adults. It’s a level of discourse that has vanished from the political sphere since the Cheeto took over so I’m glad it exists on a pupper page where the half (maybe full!) crazy admin talks about Punani and other lofty, intellectual things 😍😂. God bless y’all! I love u the long way! Ya get me! Bless up! 😍😂😂😂
Af, Bless Up, and Crazy: The girl we groomed today
 would hold onto anything
 you handed her.
Imma keep it 600 with y’all. I struggled badly with this account for a hot minute in the past couple weeks and I had to reflect deeply in my heart as to whether or not to keep this ting going. I derive zero financial rewards from this. It’s an outlet, plain and simple, for my cray cray, and so my reward is the sweet release of talking my sh!t and seeing y’all get entertained, while sometimes pointing y’all to some good causes worthy of your money 🙌. And that’s been worth the world to me. I’m thankful to God for placing Faith in my heart. I’m thankful for Family. I’m thankful for my job and the roof over my head. I’m thankful for my dear friends. And on this day I’m especially thankful for you. Every one of you. Y’all have become Family. If I don’t post in a minute, y’all start messaging asking if I’m ok. When I started posting like normal again I got dozens of messages saying “good to have you back”. When I post something funny y’all are quick with the love. When I say something sideways y’all are quick (AF 🤗) to correct me and point out my ignorance (I am pleased to report that my comment section is one of the biggest collections of strong, independent women on earth. Never change! 😍) We exchange ideas and concepts like mature grown adults. It’s a level of discourse that has vanished from the political sphere since the Cheeto took over so I’m glad it exists on a pupper page where the half (maybe full!) crazy admin talks about Punani and other lofty, intellectual things 😍😂. God bless y’all! I love u the long way! Ya get me! Bless up! 😍😂😂😂

Imma keep it 600 with y’all. I struggled badly with this account for a hot minute in the past couple weeks and I had to reflect deeply in my...

Bless Up, Bruh, and Crazy: meet Waffles. Pic: Reddit u/invadergrimm @DrSmashlove Shout to all u thick ladies who DMed me saying you loved my last caption for supporting big girls 😍. Y’all sweet. Y’all amazing. I love y’all. But most importantly......YALL AIN’T OVERSIZED BRUH THAT CAPTION WASN’T ABOUT YOU, STOP IT 😂. U women don’t get to be “big” just because y’all got a big chest and backside - y’all thicky thicc! That’s another type! Y’all don’t take no damn space on airplanes shut the hell up bruv y’all wilding 😂. Body positive my a$$ y’all smol lmao. That caption was about BIG GIRLS - LET THEM HAVE THEY LIL MOMENT DAMMIT. It is however adorable asf that y’all identify and have solidarity with big girls - it’s high key inspiring - rather than look down on big women, u lock arms in sisterhood of thickness. Like Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants except this is Sisterhood of the Wondrous Thunderous Thighs 😍😂. Go head with y’all lovey dovey supportive a$$es bruv we are one human race. That’s the only race I know. People always wanna talk about how women are catty and crazy ... somewhat accurate ... matter fact I gotta make a few calls to figure out which of my sisters hate each other on this particular day (cattiness and pettiness take no holidays lol) so I keep them separate at Thanksgiving but I digress 🤗😂 ... examples of women being SUPPORTIVE and AMAZING abound, including this one. Big up yaselves women today y’all are the real MVPs - BLESS UP 😍😂😂😂
Bless Up, Bruh, and Crazy: meet Waffles.
 Pic: Reddit u/invadergrimm
 @DrSmashlove
Shout to all u thick ladies who DMed me saying you loved my last caption for supporting big girls 😍. Y’all sweet. Y’all amazing. I love y’all. But most importantly......YALL AIN’T OVERSIZED BRUH THAT CAPTION WASN’T ABOUT YOU, STOP IT 😂. U women don’t get to be “big” just because y’all got a big chest and backside - y’all thicky thicc! That’s another type! Y’all don’t take no damn space on airplanes shut the hell up bruv y’all wilding 😂. Body positive my a$$ y’all smol lmao. That caption was about BIG GIRLS - LET THEM HAVE THEY LIL MOMENT DAMMIT. It is however adorable asf that y’all identify and have solidarity with big girls - it’s high key inspiring - rather than look down on big women, u lock arms in sisterhood of thickness. Like Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants except this is Sisterhood of the Wondrous Thunderous Thighs 😍😂. Go head with y’all lovey dovey supportive a$$es bruv we are one human race. That’s the only race I know. People always wanna talk about how women are catty and crazy ... somewhat accurate ... matter fact I gotta make a few calls to figure out which of my sisters hate each other on this particular day (cattiness and pettiness take no holidays lol) so I keep them separate at Thanksgiving but I digress 🤗😂 ... examples of women being SUPPORTIVE and AMAZING abound, including this one. Big up yaselves women today y’all are the real MVPs - BLESS UP 😍😂😂😂

Shout to all u thick ladies who DMed me saying you loved my last caption for supporting big girls 😍. Y’all sweet. Y’all amazing. I love y’al...

Beard, Benadryl, and Bless Up: u/bofstein . 2d. imgur I asked to be seated next to the cutest guy on the plane @DrSmashlove Now see a lot of people on airplanes bruv, they tryina dodge oversized people. They ain’t tryina spend the whole flight shmushed. I feel that. I understand that. But me? Aw hell nah. Big ladies y’all always welcome to sit next to smash. Call me Negan baby girl - leather biker jacket with the beard - let me be yo Sanctuary 🤗😂. Hell I even ask if she wanna raise the divider. Divider actually make it worse! Sh!t be causing flesh to intrude into my space unnaturally. Pokes me awkwardly and makes me hella uncomfortable, nah IDGAF Mama melt into me, invade my space, fall asleep on my shoulder, just get comfortable. And the last time I offered, ol girl did it, too. Schlept like he just popped two Benadryl slobbering on my damn shoulder. Flight attendant talmbout “do you know what your friend wants to drink when she wakes up?” I’m like “I don’t know this woman!! Anyway Diet Coke tho I’m pretty sure she like Diet Coke Issa wild guess yes just poe it up pls thank you” 😂. Did her snore sound like the groans of a wild warthog with a fractured leg bone bruv? Yes. Did I mind? No sir. I’m an ally to the big girls. Bring yo curvaceous, aggressive deodorant scented essence here guh it’s plenty room for both of us. I squat all damn day at the gym, my thigh musculature enjoys the company of a soft, supple flight companion 🤗😂. Now I know what y’all thinking: “SMASH YOUR FANTASIES ARE OVERBOARD, THIS DIDN’T HAPPEN”. Question: if my stories was made up, wouldn’t I try to say I used to date Halle Berry or some sh!t? Chilli from TLC? I mean...wouldn’t I tell a lie that boosts my ego? Nah. Never. My story is my story. BIG GIRLS REST THEY WEARY HEAD ON MY SHOULDER. FACTS, B - DEAL WITH IT - BIG GIRLS I LOVE YALL, U NEVER HAVE TO SHEEPISHLY ASK IF MY MAN BAG PURSE SATCHEL IS SAVING THE SEAT FOR SOMEONE ELSE - IT’S SAVING IT FOR YOUR DELIGHTFULLY ROTUND A$$ — HAVE A SEAT MAMA, I BELIEVE WE CAN FLY - BLESS UP 🤗😍😂😂😂
Beard, Benadryl, and Bless Up: u/bofstein . 2d. imgur
 I asked to be seated next to the cutest guy
 on the plane
 @DrSmashlove
Now see a lot of people on airplanes bruv, they tryina dodge oversized people. They ain’t tryina spend the whole flight shmushed. I feel that. I understand that. But me? Aw hell nah. Big ladies y’all always welcome to sit next to smash. Call me Negan baby girl - leather biker jacket with the beard - let me be yo Sanctuary 🤗😂. Hell I even ask if she wanna raise the divider. Divider actually make it worse! Sh!t be causing flesh to intrude into my space unnaturally. Pokes me awkwardly and makes me hella uncomfortable, nah IDGAF Mama melt into me, invade my space, fall asleep on my shoulder, just get comfortable. And the last time I offered, ol girl did it, too. Schlept like he just popped two Benadryl slobbering on my damn shoulder. Flight attendant talmbout “do you know what your friend wants to drink when she wakes up?” I’m like “I don’t know this woman!! Anyway Diet Coke tho I’m pretty sure she like Diet Coke Issa wild guess yes just poe it up pls thank you” 😂. Did her snore sound like the groans of a wild warthog with a fractured leg bone bruv? Yes. Did I mind? No sir. I’m an ally to the big girls. Bring yo curvaceous, aggressive deodorant scented essence here guh it’s plenty room for both of us. I squat all damn day at the gym, my thigh musculature enjoys the company of a soft, supple flight companion 🤗😂. Now I know what y’all thinking: “SMASH YOUR FANTASIES ARE OVERBOARD, THIS DIDN’T HAPPEN”. Question: if my stories was made up, wouldn’t I try to say I used to date Halle Berry or some sh!t? Chilli from TLC? I mean...wouldn’t I tell a lie that boosts my ego? Nah. Never. My story is my story. BIG GIRLS REST THEY WEARY HEAD ON MY SHOULDER. FACTS, B - DEAL WITH IT - BIG GIRLS I LOVE YALL, U NEVER HAVE TO SHEEPISHLY ASK IF MY MAN BAG PURSE SATCHEL IS SAVING THE SEAT FOR SOMEONE ELSE - IT’S SAVING IT FOR YOUR DELIGHTFULLY ROTUND A$$ — HAVE A SEAT MAMA, I BELIEVE WE CAN FLY - BLESS UP 🤗😍😂😂😂

Now see a lot of people on airplanes bruv, they tryina dodge oversized people. They ain’t tryina spend the whole flight shmushed. I feel tha...

Amazon, Bad, and Be Like: My first Halloween without a husband, but I still have a good couples' costume. Pic: reddit u/Tela99 @DrSmashlove I DON’T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THIS WOMAN BUT I’VE ALREADY CREATED AN ENTIRE NARRATIVE IN MY HEAD THAT HER NAME IS HOLLY AND SHE LIVES IN SEATTLE AND HER FAVORITE SPOT TO ENJOY A CRAFT BEER IS STOUP BREWING AND SHE’S A CONTRACTOR FOR AMAZON WHO WORKS FROM HOME AND ENJOYS HIKES WITH HER PUP. ALSO I’VE DETERMINED THAT HER EX WHOSE NAME IS DEFINITELY STEVE IS AN UGLY, MEAN PERSON WHO SH!TTED ON HER. SADLY WHEN MY IMAGINATION RUNS WILD LIKE THIS I COULD BE ABSOLUTELY WRONG BUT IT’S REALLY HARD TO DISABUSE ME OF MY IMAGINATIONS LIKE STEVE’S BEST FRIEND RICK COULD DM ME LIKE “Yeah, ok, first of all, ‘funnyman’...Her name is Lisa. Second, my best friend’s name is Jim. Third, Jim is a saint - he runs a small soup kitchen for Seattle’s homeless. Fourth, Lisa is the most vapid, miserable human I’ve ever met. We were horrified when Jim married Lisa. Dude...she’s wearing UGGS in the pic. Did that not tip you off(?)” AND I’D BE LIKE “THANK U RICK BUT FIRST OF ALL HE’S STEVE AND SECOND OF ALL YOUR NAME ISN’T RICK IT’S JULIUS AND THIRD OF ALL JULIUS IN MY IMAGINATION YOU’RE A BAD INFLUENCE WHO TOOK STEVE TO BOY’S WEEKENDS IN VEGAS WHERE U AND HIM DID TERRIBLE THINGS WHILE HOLLY WAS AT HOME CRYING INTO HER STOUP BEER PLEASE DON’T CONTACT ME ANY LONGER BLESS UP” WhatsWrongWithMe alot BlessUpHolly LoveYouMama 🤗😂😂😂
Amazon, Bad, and Be Like: My first Halloween without a husband, but I
 still have a good couples' costume.
 Pic: reddit u/Tela99
 @DrSmashlove
I DON’T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THIS WOMAN BUT I’VE ALREADY CREATED AN ENTIRE NARRATIVE IN MY HEAD THAT HER NAME IS HOLLY AND SHE LIVES IN SEATTLE AND HER FAVORITE SPOT TO ENJOY A CRAFT BEER IS STOUP BREWING AND SHE’S A CONTRACTOR FOR AMAZON WHO WORKS FROM HOME AND ENJOYS HIKES WITH HER PUP. ALSO I’VE DETERMINED THAT HER EX WHOSE NAME IS DEFINITELY STEVE IS AN UGLY, MEAN PERSON WHO SH!TTED ON HER. SADLY WHEN MY IMAGINATION RUNS WILD LIKE THIS I COULD BE ABSOLUTELY WRONG BUT IT’S REALLY HARD TO DISABUSE ME OF MY IMAGINATIONS LIKE STEVE’S BEST FRIEND RICK COULD DM ME LIKE “Yeah, ok, first of all, ‘funnyman’...Her name is Lisa. Second, my best friend’s name is Jim. Third, Jim is a saint - he runs a small soup kitchen for Seattle’s homeless. Fourth, Lisa is the most vapid, miserable human I’ve ever met. We were horrified when Jim married Lisa. Dude...she’s wearing UGGS in the pic. Did that not tip you off(?)” AND I’D BE LIKE “THANK U RICK BUT FIRST OF ALL HE’S STEVE AND SECOND OF ALL YOUR NAME ISN’T RICK IT’S JULIUS AND THIRD OF ALL JULIUS IN MY IMAGINATION YOU’RE A BAD INFLUENCE WHO TOOK STEVE TO BOY’S WEEKENDS IN VEGAS WHERE U AND HIM DID TERRIBLE THINGS WHILE HOLLY WAS AT HOME CRYING INTO HER STOUP BEER PLEASE DON’T CONTACT ME ANY LONGER BLESS UP” WhatsWrongWithMe alot BlessUpHolly LoveYouMama 🤗😂😂😂

I DON’T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THIS WOMAN BUT I’VE ALREADY CREATED AN ENTIRE NARRATIVE IN MY HEAD THAT HER NAME IS HOLLY AND SHE LIVES IN SEATT...

Bless Up, Crime, and Drunk: My friend just adopted this strange brown hippopotamus. Pic: reddit u/Herodias @DrSmashlove PP fracture is real, and it’s unfortunate, bruv. The PP is comprised of three tubes, two of which fill up with blood when u aroused. The third is the urethra. If ya girl on top - riding a lil too wild goin ham and bananas on the dih and she super duper waterfall shtatus just making a puddle under u cot damn jumping up and down to hit that super deep shtroke to where yo PP feel like it bout to pop out - she could actually land wrong and u could sustain a fracture - u hear a loud popping or cracking which mean the tissue that surround ya two big tubes can’t withstand the pressure. Down go ya PP. Bruising. Indescribable pain. Blood when u pee. U gotta go straight to the ER and have surgery and even then, u might never do a full flag salute again. That don’t seem very pleasant, do it bruv. To just get yo PP broke. Well how the FVCK u think a woman feel when u putting in work from behind, invade the wrong entry point, and break her b00tyhole 😩. Men who find themselves ‘accidentally’ in the back door are engaging in gross negligence or recklessness - which is a crime. If u drunk and drive, u may not be intending to hit a kid on a bicycle, but if u do, u knew it was possible, and so u liable. That’s at BEST. At worst, y’all in rape territory (let’s call it what it is.) Sadly, I’ve met a LOT of women who will never even try the Backdoor Boogie because of an ‘accidental’ invasion so congrats to all u men who do this - your aggression - wanton stupidity has ruined a pretty awesome act for a whole segment of the female population. The bottom line is that this is inexcusable - either u careless to the point of being reckless, or u a predator. And whether u know it or not bruv u on borrowed time. A lot of ladies like it rough. This isn’t ‘being rough’. It’s not consensual. It’s barely a grey area. It’s actually mostly black and white. Your last partner might have let it slide (no pun intended 😖) but your next one might fvck ya life up - and she got every right to. I am the last one who should be lecturing anybody because I do a lot of sh!t I’m ashamed of so let’s just take this as a collective reminder...Men: let’s do better. ME TOO. Aight? Bless up 🙌
Bless Up, Crime, and Drunk: My friend just adopted this strange brown
 hippopotamus.
 Pic: reddit u/Herodias
 @DrSmashlove
PP fracture is real, and it’s unfortunate, bruv. The PP is comprised of three tubes, two of which fill up with blood when u aroused. The third is the urethra. If ya girl on top - riding a lil too wild goin ham and bananas on the dih and she super duper waterfall shtatus just making a puddle under u cot damn jumping up and down to hit that super deep shtroke to where yo PP feel like it bout to pop out - she could actually land wrong and u could sustain a fracture - u hear a loud popping or cracking which mean the tissue that surround ya two big tubes can’t withstand the pressure. Down go ya PP. Bruising. Indescribable pain. Blood when u pee. U gotta go straight to the ER and have surgery and even then, u might never do a full flag salute again. That don’t seem very pleasant, do it bruv. To just get yo PP broke. Well how the FVCK u think a woman feel when u putting in work from behind, invade the wrong entry point, and break her b00tyhole 😩. Men who find themselves ‘accidentally’ in the back door are engaging in gross negligence or recklessness - which is a crime. If u drunk and drive, u may not be intending to hit a kid on a bicycle, but if u do, u knew it was possible, and so u liable. That’s at BEST. At worst, y’all in rape territory (let’s call it what it is.) Sadly, I’ve met a LOT of women who will never even try the Backdoor Boogie because of an ‘accidental’ invasion so congrats to all u men who do this - your aggression - wanton stupidity has ruined a pretty awesome act for a whole segment of the female population. The bottom line is that this is inexcusable - either u careless to the point of being reckless, or u a predator. And whether u know it or not bruv u on borrowed time. A lot of ladies like it rough. This isn’t ‘being rough’. It’s not consensual. It’s barely a grey area. It’s actually mostly black and white. Your last partner might have let it slide (no pun intended 😖) but your next one might fvck ya life up - and she got every right to. I am the last one who should be lecturing anybody because I do a lot of sh!t I’m ashamed of so let’s just take this as a collective reminder...Men: let’s do better. ME TOO. Aight? Bless up 🙌

PP fracture is real, and it’s unfortunate, bruv. The PP is comprised of three tubes, two of which fill up with blood when u aroused. The thi...

Appalled, Ass, and Beautiful: u/Hotpocket1229 ld i.redd.it l think my dog wants to be a mob boss for Halloween @DrSmashlove Dear Men, a one piece animal sleeper onesie thingie with a hood is not a costume. Ignore the lil animal ears on the hood bruv that’s just to make it cute - it’s not a costume - issa sleeper. And them little footsies bruv? Them lil built-in footsies that u wearing OVER shoes onto the street, getting it all dirty and worn out and tattered? Thems indoor footsies bruv. Not outdoor. Iss ruined now. Who raised u, bruv? Like when u were a kid and u had that onesie sleeper on and u tried to run out on the street to play with yo lil homies, yo mama ain’t grab u by the upper arm, brang u inside and whup ya ass for dirtying the footsie feets bruv? I’m appalled. This sh!t appalling. I got a lil homegirl who if u send her a d!ck pic she will reverse stalk yo phone number and find out who u mama is and get her cell phone number and text her to tell her. “Your son is sending pics of his pen!s I thought you may wish to know.” Yes. She do this. She’s beautiful and she get a lot of them so she had to. I might need to start telling yo mama that u out here in these streets dirtying yo onesie footsies bruv. THEMS INDOOR FOOTSIES NOT FOR OUTDOOR WEAR-AND-TEAR SMH YALL GOT THE GAME FVCKED UP AND MOST IMPORTANT: ISS NOT A COSTUME ISSA SLEEPER BLESS UP 😩😂😂😂
Appalled, Ass, and Beautiful: u/Hotpocket1229 ld i.redd.it
 l think my dog wants to be a mob boss for
 Halloween
 @DrSmashlove
Dear Men, a one piece animal sleeper onesie thingie with a hood is not a costume. Ignore the lil animal ears on the hood bruv that’s just to make it cute - it’s not a costume - issa sleeper. And them little footsies bruv? Them lil built-in footsies that u wearing OVER shoes onto the street, getting it all dirty and worn out and tattered? Thems indoor footsies bruv. Not outdoor. Iss ruined now. Who raised u, bruv? Like when u were a kid and u had that onesie sleeper on and u tried to run out on the street to play with yo lil homies, yo mama ain’t grab u by the upper arm, brang u inside and whup ya ass for dirtying the footsie feets bruv? I’m appalled. This sh!t appalling. I got a lil homegirl who if u send her a d!ck pic she will reverse stalk yo phone number and find out who u mama is and get her cell phone number and text her to tell her. “Your son is sending pics of his pen!s I thought you may wish to know.” Yes. She do this. She’s beautiful and she get a lot of them so she had to. I might need to start telling yo mama that u out here in these streets dirtying yo onesie footsies bruv. THEMS INDOOR FOOTSIES NOT FOR OUTDOOR WEAR-AND-TEAR SMH YALL GOT THE GAME FVCKED UP AND MOST IMPORTANT: ISS NOT A COSTUME ISSA SLEEPER BLESS UP 😩😂😂😂

Dear Men, a one piece animal sleeper onesie thingie with a hood is not a costume. Ignore the lil animal ears on the hood bruv that’s just to...

Af, Ass, and Aww: r/aww u/Babykins9.1d . i.redd.it She's only been here five days but she's completely melted my heart @DrSmashlove I see that stolen-appropriated clothing is encouraging just as much excitement as the hygiene discussion 😁. One of my lil homegirls text me: “I legit gave basketball shorts to a guy the other night 🙈. IT WASNT AN EX BOYFRIENDS THO. IT WAS FROM HIGH SCHOOL HE WAS JUST A FRIEND. I BORROWED THEM FOR "OPPOSITE SEX" DAY 😂😂”. Men y’all be careful now. U ain’t een gotta date a girl for her to steal yo sh!t! It could be a friend! I’m starting to notice that in addition to savagery, u women got kleptomania in yo blood...finna start locking up all my belongings whenever ANY woman enter my crib...even my sisters...Smash ain’t taking no chances - I love my lil sister but come to think of it she was eyeing my VitaMix a lil too hard last time she slid thru my spot 🤔 - baby u hella dear to me but u gotta get yo own VitaMix 🤗😂. Now then, on my last post, one of my followers said: “it’s just a pair of shorts they’re clean shut up and put them on...but you will not sit on my couch bare ass!!😒” Hold up 🤔. Hol...TF up. We not suppose to do that? Like that’s rude? Bruv. I ain’t been living right 😂. Brother like me, after laying pipe? I sit ALL on the damn couch...or any other surface for that matter. Matter fact I walk around her whole apartment room to room like a cot damn king. Like Borat Said bruv “king in de castle, king in de castle ☺️”. U feel me? I just skretched the lil Nani out bruv? Gave it a workout? Lil Punani CrossFit bruv? PunaniFit® lol? I’m king in de castle now. But all this time I’m suppose to wear another man’s b-ball Shorts so as not to leave my NutPrint®? Woman. I’m Hygienic af. Ain no NutPrint® gwan over here. But even if I DID leave such a print, u gon get this NutPrint®. I’m a dawg. And a dawg always gon leave his mark. U don’t get one without the other. If dating women means we gon ‘lose’ our favorite garments, u gotta deal with the fact that u gon get this NutPrint®. Bless up 🤗😂😂😂
Af, Ass, and Aww: r/aww
 u/Babykins9.1d . i.redd.it
 She's only been here five days but she's
 completely melted my heart
 @DrSmashlove
I see that stolen-appropriated clothing is encouraging just as much excitement as the hygiene discussion 😁. One of my lil homegirls text me: “I legit gave basketball shorts to a guy the other night 🙈. IT WASNT AN EX BOYFRIENDS THO. IT WAS FROM HIGH SCHOOL HE WAS JUST A FRIEND. I BORROWED THEM FOR "OPPOSITE SEX" DAY 😂😂”. Men y’all be careful now. U ain’t een gotta date a girl for her to steal yo sh!t! It could be a friend! I’m starting to notice that in addition to savagery, u women got kleptomania in yo blood...finna start locking up all my belongings whenever ANY woman enter my crib...even my sisters...Smash ain’t taking no chances - I love my lil sister but come to think of it she was eyeing my VitaMix a lil too hard last time she slid thru my spot 🤔 - baby u hella dear to me but u gotta get yo own VitaMix 🤗😂. Now then, on my last post, one of my followers said: “it’s just a pair of shorts they’re clean shut up and put them on...but you will not sit on my couch bare ass!!😒” Hold up 🤔. Hol...TF up. We not suppose to do that? Like that’s rude? Bruv. I ain’t been living right 😂. Brother like me, after laying pipe? I sit ALL on the damn couch...or any other surface for that matter. Matter fact I walk around her whole apartment room to room like a cot damn king. Like Borat Said bruv “king in de castle, king in de castle ☺️”. U feel me? I just skretched the lil Nani out bruv? Gave it a workout? Lil Punani CrossFit bruv? PunaniFit® lol? I’m king in de castle now. But all this time I’m suppose to wear another man’s b-ball Shorts so as not to leave my NutPrint®? Woman. I’m Hygienic af. Ain no NutPrint® gwan over here. But even if I DID leave such a print, u gon get this NutPrint®. I’m a dawg. And a dawg always gon leave his mark. U don’t get one without the other. If dating women means we gon ‘lose’ our favorite garments, u gotta deal with the fact that u gon get this NutPrint®. Bless up 🤗😂😂😂

I see that stolen-appropriated clothing is encouraging just as much excitement as the hygiene discussion 😁. One of my lil homegirls text me:...

Baked, Bless Up, and Booty: Saw this good boy waiting outside a bakers for his human in Rosyth, Scotland Pic: reddit u/MacSquizzy @ DrSmashlove Men as I told y’all if u lay pipe skillfully and dutifully to a pretty ting, she might fvck around and bake for u. Just like placing the hands to the throat is the international sign for “I’m choking” (also the international sign for “choke me daddy” 😬), handing a man a container full of fresh baked cookies or fudge lets him know u felt the D in your soul 💕. Sometimes a lady will give u the cookies in plastic Tupperware. Always a wonderful touch. This says: “here is some reusable Tupperware, daddy. Remember me when you order Thai food and need somewhere to store your leftover pad Thai 😌.” But see some of u ladies wanna go the extra mile. This type of lady wanna give u them warm, chewy cookies in one of them extremely classy glass containers with a plastic lid. One of them Pyrex or Anchor Hocking joints. This ain’t just about cookies bruv. This is an entirely different statement. She giving u a high grade reusable container that u can use over and over. U can heat up some soup in there. Throw some veggies in there for an afternoon snack. U feel me? There are Myriad uses for this wondrous technology bruv. This a bold statement. She improving yo life. She saying “thank you for the pipe daddy, you upgraded my Punani, so in return I’m gonna upgrade your entire existence. I opened your fridge and saw you storing leftovers in a Cool Whip container, that’s no way to live daddy 😌 here’s something that will give your leftovers better flavor 🤗.” Bam. Now every time u use it, u think of how she low key upgraded you. Now I’m not saying u ladies owe a man this type of sweetness just for good D. Shiiiiiit u DESERVE good D! That’s off the top! A man shouldn’t be rewarded for merely performing his Duty To The Thee Booty! But if he do, and if u bequeath uponst him Thee Glassware, just know that he gon love both the cookies and the container and the fondness in his heart will only increase. A lot of these men out here was raised by wolves. If he fulfilling his duties as yo daddy, it don’t hurt to be his mommy 🤗 TheresNoHopeForOurGenerarion 😂 p.s. ALWAYS OFFER TO RETURN IT - IF SHE TAKE IT BACK, U JUST A SIDE PIECE. TEMPORARY TUPPERWARE = TEMPORARY D, BLESS UP 🤗😂
Baked, Bless Up, and Booty: Saw this good boy waiting outside a bakers for
 his human in Rosyth, Scotland
 Pic: reddit u/MacSquizzy
 @ DrSmashlove
Men as I told y’all if u lay pipe skillfully and dutifully to a pretty ting, she might fvck around and bake for u. Just like placing the hands to the throat is the international sign for “I’m choking” (also the international sign for “choke me daddy” 😬), handing a man a container full of fresh baked cookies or fudge lets him know u felt the D in your soul 💕. Sometimes a lady will give u the cookies in plastic Tupperware. Always a wonderful touch. This says: “here is some reusable Tupperware, daddy. Remember me when you order Thai food and need somewhere to store your leftover pad Thai 😌.” But see some of u ladies wanna go the extra mile. This type of lady wanna give u them warm, chewy cookies in one of them extremely classy glass containers with a plastic lid. One of them Pyrex or Anchor Hocking joints. This ain’t just about cookies bruv. This is an entirely different statement. She giving u a high grade reusable container that u can use over and over. U can heat up some soup in there. Throw some veggies in there for an afternoon snack. U feel me? There are Myriad uses for this wondrous technology bruv. This a bold statement. She improving yo life. She saying “thank you for the pipe daddy, you upgraded my Punani, so in return I’m gonna upgrade your entire existence. I opened your fridge and saw you storing leftovers in a Cool Whip container, that’s no way to live daddy 😌 here’s something that will give your leftovers better flavor 🤗.” Bam. Now every time u use it, u think of how she low key upgraded you. Now I’m not saying u ladies owe a man this type of sweetness just for good D. Shiiiiiit u DESERVE good D! That’s off the top! A man shouldn’t be rewarded for merely performing his Duty To The Thee Booty! But if he do, and if u bequeath uponst him Thee Glassware, just know that he gon love both the cookies and the container and the fondness in his heart will only increase. A lot of these men out here was raised by wolves. If he fulfilling his duties as yo daddy, it don’t hurt to be his mommy 🤗 TheresNoHopeForOurGenerarion 😂 p.s. ALWAYS OFFER TO RETURN IT - IF SHE TAKE IT BACK, U JUST A SIDE PIECE. TEMPORARY TUPPERWARE = TEMPORARY D, BLESS UP 🤗😂

Men as I told y’all if u lay pipe skillfully and dutifully to a pretty ting, she might fvck around and bake for u. Just like placing the han...

Best Friend, Bless Up, and College: You can see the meaning of the universe in those two eyes. So my lil homegirl sent me a link to this coffee made by Dark Matter that’s called Unicorn Blood. Tried it. Not gon lie, delicious. But Unicorn Blood? Y’all doin too much. U coffee roasters Bruv a lot of y’all getting real comfortable selling good (but not life changing) coffee for $15.99 a bag and I’m thinking I might come for y’all. Coffee is my thing and if I had the time and the roasting equipment, I could stomp y’all out completely. And I know what I’d name my coffee blend, too: Mermaid Period. Y’all think Unicorn Blood is rare? Y’all ain’t seen rare. First of all a Unicorn is just a horse with a horn. That sh!t low key basic. A good plastic surgeon could make one. If a plastic surgeon could make the Kardashians Black bruv? He could throw a horn on a horse nah that’s basic. Mermaids? Bruv that’s half woman half fish. Up top she a sexy, comely ginger with seashells on her Tetas. Waist down? All flipper. Where’s the Punani? Exactly. Even if a mermaid had a Punani (which she can’t because issa flipper), would she even have a period? How? Do she wear faded, washed 7,000 times, soft-as-silk (😍) Period panty granny panties over her flipper? Or do she just freeball it bleeding out her sweet, precious, mythical, menstrual magnificence into the ocean with reckless abandon so that if a random scuba diver named Aiden from Newport Beach with floopy blond hair is swimming by and perchance catches a glorious taste, his heart explodes with love and affection and his head pops off his body and his scuba diving companion William is at his funeral just like “I know y’all will never believe me because I used to drop acid when I attended college but my best friend died after inhaling Mermaid Period then his head popped off his body and a shark ate it good night 😢.” Bam. Straight like that. It will be beautifully rich, reddish in color, deliciously fragrant, and invigorating - just like regular Period (But I’ll call it Mermaid Period because y’all love it when these beverage companies are extra 🤗). Coming to your grocery aisle fall 2018. Starbucks, Peet’s and Dark Matter - y’all on notice. Bless up 🤗😂😂😂
Best Friend, Bless Up, and College: You can see the meaning
 of the universe in those
 two eyes.
So my lil homegirl sent me a link to this coffee made by Dark Matter that’s called Unicorn Blood. Tried it. Not gon lie, delicious. But Unicorn Blood? Y’all doin too much. U coffee roasters Bruv a lot of y’all getting real comfortable selling good (but not life changing) coffee for $15.99 a bag and I’m thinking I might come for y’all. Coffee is my thing and if I had the time and the roasting equipment, I could stomp y’all out completely. And I know what I’d name my coffee blend, too: Mermaid Period. Y’all think Unicorn Blood is rare? Y’all ain’t seen rare. First of all a Unicorn is just a horse with a horn. That sh!t low key basic. A good plastic surgeon could make one. If a plastic surgeon could make the Kardashians Black bruv? He could throw a horn on a horse nah that’s basic. Mermaids? Bruv that’s half woman half fish. Up top she a sexy, comely ginger with seashells on her Tetas. Waist down? All flipper. Where’s the Punani? Exactly. Even if a mermaid had a Punani (which she can’t because issa flipper), would she even have a period? How? Do she wear faded, washed 7,000 times, soft-as-silk (😍) Period panty granny panties over her flipper? Or do she just freeball it bleeding out her sweet, precious, mythical, menstrual magnificence into the ocean with reckless abandon so that if a random scuba diver named Aiden from Newport Beach with floopy blond hair is swimming by and perchance catches a glorious taste, his heart explodes with love and affection and his head pops off his body and his scuba diving companion William is at his funeral just like “I know y’all will never believe me because I used to drop acid when I attended college but my best friend died after inhaling Mermaid Period then his head popped off his body and a shark ate it good night 😢.” Bam. Straight like that. It will be beautifully rich, reddish in color, deliciously fragrant, and invigorating - just like regular Period (But I’ll call it Mermaid Period because y’all love it when these beverage companies are extra 🤗). Coming to your grocery aisle fall 2018. Starbucks, Peet’s and Dark Matter - y’all on notice. Bless up 🤗😂😂😂

So my lil homegirl sent me a link to this coffee made by Dark Matter that’s called Unicorn Blood. Tried it. Not gon lie, delicious. But Unic...

Bless Up, Chance the Rapper, and Life: u/Fio_Fiddlesworth ld imgur So my Mom sold one of her schnauzer puppies to an aspiring photographer DrSmashlove So u know how I said a few weeks ago that I tried all the healthy ice creams and I was done with them, and I was going back to real ice cream? About that. See there comes a time in yo life when u realize: u just ain’t about that life. It come at different times for different people. Some of u pretty ladies go to music festivals. And y’all got that friend Mandy. Mandy got a lil marketing gig in the city where she make a good wage. Went to a good school. Seem normal. But she different. U knew it when u hit Lollapalooza with her and watched her pop a Molly, pop three pills where she ain’t even know what pills they are, some cool white kid in a Larry Bird jersey just handed them to y’all so she took them, smoked a blunt, then snorted coke with that same kid in a port a potty. U seen her 15 min later vibing to Chance the Rapper while a lil bit of puke dribbled out the corner of her mouth while she looked around crazily and on that day, u had a realization: u ain’t bout that life. Mandy? Bout that life. U? Not about that life 😂. That’s me with ice cream. I went to Mariano super market. Grabbed some Ben and Jerry Cookie Dough. Seen it had 60 grams fat - 1,120 calories-pint. Gently caressed my 6 pack over my t shirt. And reflected on the fact that I’m just not bout that life. So I copped some skinny cow ice cream sandwiches. Each one got 160 calories. I eat two to get satisfied and that’s plenty. I gotta eat seven them b!tches to equal one pint of Ben and Jerry. I used to be bigger. Had a 36 waist. Ate whatever I wanted. I can’t go back to that place. I’m a new smash. U feel me? I’m in a different place. I’ll eat B + J once in a blue moon bc it (and Jeni’s) are still the GOATs but for daily use, imma stick to these skinny cows. P.s. Skinny cow please make them rectangular with a paper (not plastic) cover. On the rare occasion my mama bought us a box of generic ice cream sandwiches, peeling the paper off as it sticks to the ice cream on the side and then liiiiiicking it up the side was the best part. The adult equivalent is peeling the panties off a woman, seeing them stick to the Nani, and liiiiiiiicking...well, y’all get the point 🤗. Bless up! 😂😂😂
Bless Up, Chance the Rapper, and Life: u/Fio_Fiddlesworth ld imgur
 So my Mom sold one of her schnauzer
 puppies to an aspiring photographer
 DrSmashlove
So u know how I said a few weeks ago that I tried all the healthy ice creams and I was done with them, and I was going back to real ice cream? About that. See there comes a time in yo life when u realize: u just ain’t about that life. It come at different times for different people. Some of u pretty ladies go to music festivals. And y’all got that friend Mandy. Mandy got a lil marketing gig in the city where she make a good wage. Went to a good school. Seem normal. But she different. U knew it when u hit Lollapalooza with her and watched her pop a Molly, pop three pills where she ain’t even know what pills they are, some cool white kid in a Larry Bird jersey just handed them to y’all so she took them, smoked a blunt, then snorted coke with that same kid in a port a potty. U seen her 15 min later vibing to Chance the Rapper while a lil bit of puke dribbled out the corner of her mouth while she looked around crazily and on that day, u had a realization: u ain’t bout that life. Mandy? Bout that life. U? Not about that life 😂. That’s me with ice cream. I went to Mariano super market. Grabbed some Ben and Jerry Cookie Dough. Seen it had 60 grams fat - 1,120 calories-pint. Gently caressed my 6 pack over my t shirt. And reflected on the fact that I’m just not bout that life. So I copped some skinny cow ice cream sandwiches. Each one got 160 calories. I eat two to get satisfied and that’s plenty. I gotta eat seven them b!tches to equal one pint of Ben and Jerry. I used to be bigger. Had a 36 waist. Ate whatever I wanted. I can’t go back to that place. I’m a new smash. U feel me? I’m in a different place. I’ll eat B + J once in a blue moon bc it (and Jeni’s) are still the GOATs but for daily use, imma stick to these skinny cows. P.s. Skinny cow please make them rectangular with a paper (not plastic) cover. On the rare occasion my mama bought us a box of generic ice cream sandwiches, peeling the paper off as it sticks to the ice cream on the side and then liiiiiicking it up the side was the best part. The adult equivalent is peeling the panties off a woman, seeing them stick to the Nani, and liiiiiiiicking...well, y’all get the point 🤗. Bless up! 😂😂😂

So u know how I said a few weeks ago that I tried all the healthy ice creams and I was done with them, and I was going back to real ice crea...

Aww, Bless Up, and Emoji: r/aww u/ButZebrasCantSmell 18h i.redd.it This little guy followed me home and then fell asleep on my lap, so l guess I have a dog now @DrSmashlove See bruv it’s two reactions u get from ladies when u laying pipe for the first time and bust a lil early. Type 1: she hear u moan and groan and let loose the juice and she just do this grin: 😌. Like “it’s ok baby I understand 😌 this Nani feels like silk soaked in honey and coated in mango juice 😌 I don’t expect u to last more than a few strokes 😌 it’s the price of having A1 Nani 😌.” Like that’s literally what this emoji was based off of - it’s the “it’s ok my adorable Minute Man 😌” emoji 😂. Now then, Type 2: she ain’t playing bruv. Type 2 came here for some proper pipe and yo early arrival mean u just deprived her of the value of her investment. She ain’t having it. U let out half a moan - not even a full moan and groan - just literally “AHP-“ and her eyes turn red. Her face morph into the face of a she-devil 👹. Horns emerge straight on her head top. And she always say the same thing: “NOT...YET!!!! 👿” and then she hit u with the Type 2 leg lock Bruv. She wrap her arms and legs around u like: “YOU MINUTE MAN LOOKIN A$$ I’M NOT GON LET U PULL OUT IMMA HAVE YO BABY TO TEACH U A LESSON ABOUT BUSTING EARLY U THOUGHT SH!T WAS SWEET WELL LEMME TELL U HOW SWEET: EVERY TIME U LOOK IN THE FACE OF THIS BABY U GON REMEMBER THE TIME U THOUGHT IT WAS OK TO BUST AFTER A FEW STROKES - HELL NAW - NOW GIMME THIS WORK AND LET ME NAME THIS BABY WITHOUT CONSULTING U. “Zeena”. ISSA GREEK NAME THAT MEANS “stranger, guest” WHICH IS APPROPRIATE BECAUSE IMMA HAVE FULL CUSTODY AND U GON SHOW UP WITH MY MONTHLY SUPPORT AS A GUEST IN A CRIB *YOU* PAYING FOR HOWBOWDAH 👿.” And u thinking “naw baby relax it’s all good round 2 gon be amazing 😬” and she just like “sorry I had other plans after this, expect to get served with a DNA test in 9 months bless up.” Type 2 ladies imma need y’all to learn from yo Type 1 sisters. Embrace the fact that your Nani A1. Give him another chance. U ain’t gotta go off and have his baby to teach him a lesson - let him cool his jets and give u the bidness one mo ‘gain. And if he bust early, cut him off forever. AND THEN DM ME IMMEEJALLY BECAUSE IT MEAN U GOT THAT UNICORN NANI AND WE SHOULD GET MARRIED AND HAVE CHIRREN BLESS UP 🤗😂😂😂
Aww, Bless Up, and Emoji: r/aww
 u/ButZebrasCantSmell 18h i.redd.it
 This little guy followed me home and
 then fell asleep on my lap, so l guess I
 have a dog now
 @DrSmashlove
See bruv it’s two reactions u get from ladies when u laying pipe for the first time and bust a lil early. Type 1: she hear u moan and groan and let loose the juice and she just do this grin: 😌. Like “it’s ok baby I understand 😌 this Nani feels like silk soaked in honey and coated in mango juice 😌 I don’t expect u to last more than a few strokes 😌 it’s the price of having A1 Nani 😌.” Like that’s literally what this emoji was based off of - it’s the “it’s ok my adorable Minute Man 😌” emoji 😂. Now then, Type 2: she ain’t playing bruv. Type 2 came here for some proper pipe and yo early arrival mean u just deprived her of the value of her investment. She ain’t having it. U let out half a moan - not even a full moan and groan - just literally “AHP-“ and her eyes turn red. Her face morph into the face of a she-devil 👹. Horns emerge straight on her head top. And she always say the same thing: “NOT...YET!!!! 👿” and then she hit u with the Type 2 leg lock Bruv. She wrap her arms and legs around u like: “YOU MINUTE MAN LOOKIN A$$ I’M NOT GON LET U PULL OUT IMMA HAVE YO BABY TO TEACH U A LESSON ABOUT BUSTING EARLY U THOUGHT SH!T WAS SWEET WELL LEMME TELL U HOW SWEET: EVERY TIME U LOOK IN THE FACE OF THIS BABY U GON REMEMBER THE TIME U THOUGHT IT WAS OK TO BUST AFTER A FEW STROKES - HELL NAW - NOW GIMME THIS WORK AND LET ME NAME THIS BABY WITHOUT CONSULTING U. “Zeena”. ISSA GREEK NAME THAT MEANS “stranger, guest” WHICH IS APPROPRIATE BECAUSE IMMA HAVE FULL CUSTODY AND U GON SHOW UP WITH MY MONTHLY SUPPORT AS A GUEST IN A CRIB *YOU* PAYING FOR HOWBOWDAH 👿.” And u thinking “naw baby relax it’s all good round 2 gon be amazing 😬” and she just like “sorry I had other plans after this, expect to get served with a DNA test in 9 months bless up.” Type 2 ladies imma need y’all to learn from yo Type 1 sisters. Embrace the fact that your Nani A1. Give him another chance. U ain’t gotta go off and have his baby to teach him a lesson - let him cool his jets and give u the bidness one mo ‘gain. And if he bust early, cut him off forever. AND THEN DM ME IMMEEJALLY BECAUSE IT MEAN U GOT THAT UNICORN NANI AND WE SHOULD GET MARRIED AND HAVE CHIRREN BLESS UP 🤗😂😂😂

See bruv it’s two reactions u get from ladies when u laying pipe for the first time and bust a lil early. Type 1: she hear u moan and groan ...

Animals, Ass, and Be Like: u/AndrewY17 1d i.redd.it This is why i cant get house @DrSmashlove A lot of times at work when u ask somebody how they doing, they say “ok”, “eh”, “I’m alright”, “TIRED LOL”, “ugh”, “is it Friday yet”. U feel me? U reply in a slouchy, exhausted manner. But see Bruh one of my partners at the firm named Todd, he ain’t like that. He small. Real small, like if u had a running start and played soccer as a kid, u could punt the him across the city lol. But he always got a fresh haircut. Always rock a nice pastel Hermès tie with lil animals on it. Always got his shoes shined. And when u ask him how he doing, he got one reply, always: “KILLING IT.” I’m dead ass. That’s what he say every time: “KILLING IT” 😂. Sometimes he say it aggressively: “KILLING IT 😳.” Sometimes he say it in a sing-songy manner: “killing it ☺️.” But regardless, it’s always the same. Homeboy is a caveman. Don’t let the Ferragamo loafers fool u. He got his spear out and he ready to slay this MF Work. He ain’t doing work. He bout to GIVE U THIS WORK. U feel me? U GON GET ALL THIS WORK 😂. He gon talk his sh!t and he gon dance. And that’s what he do. I’ve pitched clients with him and dude’s talk game is majestic. He pitch clients in areas of work we never done before and he make it sound like this is all we do. I ask him “bruv. How did u just do that? We don’t even do this type of work?” And he say “smash, relax. We’ll ‘ham and egg’ it.” I don’t eat pork but I know exactly what dude mean and I say it all the time. It means “we’ll figure it out.” Be like Todd bruv. Get into work. Kill it. Never be intimidated by something u never done before. Identify a co worker with experience in this area and say “hey Karen can I take you to coffee and chat a little bit about a task I’ve been assigned that I haven’t done before?” She’ll never turn u down. NOBODY TURN DOWN FREE PUMPKIN SPICE LATTES IN OCTOBER LOL. Investment: $4. Return on investment: immeasurable, because U gained a skill set. Kill it. Ham and Egg it. (Halal ham tho. Like ham made from beef 🤗😂). Be enthusiastic. Be a winner. U get me! Bless up! 😍😂😂😂
Animals, Ass, and Be Like: u/AndrewY17 1d i.redd.it
 This is why i cant get
 house
 @DrSmashlove
A lot of times at work when u ask somebody how they doing, they say “ok”, “eh”, “I’m alright”, “TIRED LOL”, “ugh”, “is it Friday yet”. U feel me? U reply in a slouchy, exhausted manner. But see Bruh one of my partners at the firm named Todd, he ain’t like that. He small. Real small, like if u had a running start and played soccer as a kid, u could punt the him across the city lol. But he always got a fresh haircut. Always rock a nice pastel Hermès tie with lil animals on it. Always got his shoes shined. And when u ask him how he doing, he got one reply, always: “KILLING IT.” I’m dead ass. That’s what he say every time: “KILLING IT” 😂. Sometimes he say it aggressively: “KILLING IT 😳.” Sometimes he say it in a sing-songy manner: “killing it ☺️.” But regardless, it’s always the same. Homeboy is a caveman. Don’t let the Ferragamo loafers fool u. He got his spear out and he ready to slay this MF Work. He ain’t doing work. He bout to GIVE U THIS WORK. U feel me? U GON GET ALL THIS WORK 😂. He gon talk his sh!t and he gon dance. And that’s what he do. I’ve pitched clients with him and dude’s talk game is majestic. He pitch clients in areas of work we never done before and he make it sound like this is all we do. I ask him “bruv. How did u just do that? We don’t even do this type of work?” And he say “smash, relax. We’ll ‘ham and egg’ it.” I don’t eat pork but I know exactly what dude mean and I say it all the time. It means “we’ll figure it out.” Be like Todd bruv. Get into work. Kill it. Never be intimidated by something u never done before. Identify a co worker with experience in this area and say “hey Karen can I take you to coffee and chat a little bit about a task I’ve been assigned that I haven’t done before?” She’ll never turn u down. NOBODY TURN DOWN FREE PUMPKIN SPICE LATTES IN OCTOBER LOL. Investment: $4. Return on investment: immeasurable, because U gained a skill set. Kill it. Ham and Egg it. (Halal ham tho. Like ham made from beef 🤗😂). Be enthusiastic. Be a winner. U get me! Bless up! 😍😂😂😂

A lot of times at work when u ask somebody how they doing, they say “ok”, “eh”, “I’m alright”, “TIRED LOL”, “ugh”, “is it Friday yet”. U fee...

Aww, Bad, and Be Like: r/aww u/highimallaudin 2d i.redd.it My buddies steering wheel dog sleeping on the Mule @DrSmashlove So I started watching this show Ozarks on the stairmaster and in the first episode we learn that the wife, an olderish white woman, is having an affair. What’s the nickname she calls her side piece? “Sugarwood.” BRUV 😂. I’m done. I’m physically, mentally, emotionally done. “Daddy” is over. It’s cancelled. From now on u if u deal with me u gotta call me “Honeysuckle PP”. U feel me? Imma need more effort put into it. These older ladies making y’all look bad. Don’t be calling yo man “daddy” and then u grab his phone and find out some cougar calling him “Agave Papi” u gon have to re-evaluate yo whole life u thought shit was sweet now u found out Susan who is twice-divorced and live six floors above u giving yo man lovey dovey names and shit. “Mango Mamba”. U feel me? Susan gon be saucy about it too. She gon see u in the mailroom like “Hi Beth! Where was Steven last night?” And U gon be like “ummmm...CrossFit, then he came home to me, why?” And Susan gon eye u up and giggle like “no sweetie Steven was in my apartment bending me over my Restoration Hardeare sectional. FYI. And btw my man loves it when I call him Mango Mamba. Sorry hehe. OUR man. Toodles 🤗. Cmon Charlie...” and Charlie the poodle gon just look at u and grin like “she ain’t lyin, I seent the whole thing - please don’t make me answer for Susan, she crazy - but low key u coulda gave yo man a cuter nickname JUST SAYIN. ARF...HEH HEH!!” YOUNG LADIES, THESE OLDER WOMEN COMING FOR U. YALL GON HAVE TO BE MORE POETIC. STEP UP YO NICKNAME GAME IMMEEJALLY. IMMA LEAVE YALL WITH THAT. Y’all been warned 🤗. BLESS UP 😂😂😂
Aww, Bad, and Be Like: r/aww
 u/highimallaudin 2d i.redd.it
 My buddies
 steering wheel
 dog sleeping on the Mule
 @DrSmashlove
So I started watching this show Ozarks on the stairmaster and in the first episode we learn that the wife, an olderish white woman, is having an affair. What’s the nickname she calls her side piece? “Sugarwood.” BRUV 😂. I’m done. I’m physically, mentally, emotionally done. “Daddy” is over. It’s cancelled. From now on u if u deal with me u gotta call me “Honeysuckle PP”. U feel me? Imma need more effort put into it. These older ladies making y’all look bad. Don’t be calling yo man “daddy” and then u grab his phone and find out some cougar calling him “Agave Papi” u gon have to re-evaluate yo whole life u thought shit was sweet now u found out Susan who is twice-divorced and live six floors above u giving yo man lovey dovey names and shit. “Mango Mamba”. U feel me? Susan gon be saucy about it too. She gon see u in the mailroom like “Hi Beth! Where was Steven last night?” And U gon be like “ummmm...CrossFit, then he came home to me, why?” And Susan gon eye u up and giggle like “no sweetie Steven was in my apartment bending me over my Restoration Hardeare sectional. FYI. And btw my man loves it when I call him Mango Mamba. Sorry hehe. OUR man. Toodles 🤗. Cmon Charlie...” and Charlie the poodle gon just look at u and grin like “she ain’t lyin, I seent the whole thing - please don’t make me answer for Susan, she crazy - but low key u coulda gave yo man a cuter nickname JUST SAYIN. ARF...HEH HEH!!” YOUNG LADIES, THESE OLDER WOMEN COMING FOR U. YALL GON HAVE TO BE MORE POETIC. STEP UP YO NICKNAME GAME IMMEEJALLY. IMMA LEAVE YALL WITH THAT. Y’all been warned 🤗. BLESS UP 😂😂😂

So I started watching this show Ozarks on the stairmaster and in the first episode we learn that the wife, an olderish white woman, is havin...

Asian, Ass, and Baseball: My tow truck driver and his lil buddy. Pic: reddit u/Slowhand09 @DrSmashlove Aight. Two real quick follow-ups on my post about girls and sports (from Sunday.) First, I take back the comment about hairy armpits on women. Ladies - if u love yo natural body - I love it too. Or if u identify as a gender that doesn’t match your biological sex (thank u to my lil homegirl for explaining this to me), I love u too. If u EVER come to this page and feel “othered” or ostracized, tell me! It’s never my intent. Sometimes my lack of intellect and understanding translates the love in my heart into words that can be hurtful, and I ALWAYS expect y’all to teach me and educate me so I can be a better man out here. Second, I implied that the prototypic female sports fan has a blond pony tail sticking out the back of her baseball cap. My extremely wise sister from another mister @tamashar quickly pointed out that she’s a football fan and does not, in fact, have a blond pony tail. It is axiomatic that it’s sisters out here that love sports. The thing is, when I write, I imagine a story in my head, and I type it out and give it to y’all. So I imagined a loud ass blond girl at a Wrigleyville bar in a faded cubs cap wearing her ex boyfriend’s oversized J Crew hoodie (that she kept because FVCK HIM 🤗) barking loudly and drunkenly about her favorite (and least favorite) cubs players: “OMG GET RID OF PEDRO STROP ALREADY HE’S SUCH A - *WHY* DOES MADDON PUT HIM IN - HE SUCKS - CAN I GET A STELLA OR WHAT I NEED A DRINKY - Oh shit Kelly - kyle texted me - gotta go lol cover my beer baby byeeeee” <— if u got a girl like this in yo squad, tag her 🤗. Anyway I never meant to exclude my sisters, my Latinas, my Asian home girls, etc - they all got ladies that will school u - smash is never exclusionary only inclusionary. That’s all I got. Now don’t comment “SMASH STOP APOLOGIZING” - I don’t do it to be politically correct! (scroll back and tell me if I’ve EVER been politically correct 😂) - I make these statement to show GROWTH and I hope I never stop growing! I’ve always been a grower 🍌 bless up 😍😂😂😂
Asian, Ass, and Baseball: My tow truck driver and his lil buddy.
 Pic: reddit u/Slowhand09
 @DrSmashlove
Aight. Two real quick follow-ups on my post about girls and sports (from Sunday.) First, I take back the comment about hairy armpits on women. Ladies - if u love yo natural body - I love it too. Or if u identify as a gender that doesn’t match your biological sex (thank u to my lil homegirl for explaining this to me), I love u too. If u EVER come to this page and feel “othered” or ostracized, tell me! It’s never my intent. Sometimes my lack of intellect and understanding translates the love in my heart into words that can be hurtful, and I ALWAYS expect y’all to teach me and educate me so I can be a better man out here. Second, I implied that the prototypic female sports fan has a blond pony tail sticking out the back of her baseball cap. My extremely wise sister from another mister @tamashar quickly pointed out that she’s a football fan and does not, in fact, have a blond pony tail. It is axiomatic that it’s sisters out here that love sports. The thing is, when I write, I imagine a story in my head, and I type it out and give it to y’all. So I imagined a loud ass blond girl at a Wrigleyville bar in a faded cubs cap wearing her ex boyfriend’s oversized J Crew hoodie (that she kept because FVCK HIM 🤗) barking loudly and drunkenly about her favorite (and least favorite) cubs players: “OMG GET RID OF PEDRO STROP ALREADY HE’S SUCH A - *WHY* DOES MADDON PUT HIM IN - HE SUCKS - CAN I GET A STELLA OR WHAT I NEED A DRINKY - Oh shit Kelly - kyle texted me - gotta go lol cover my beer baby byeeeee” <— if u got a girl like this in yo squad, tag her 🤗. Anyway I never meant to exclude my sisters, my Latinas, my Asian home girls, etc - they all got ladies that will school u - smash is never exclusionary only inclusionary. That’s all I got. Now don’t comment “SMASH STOP APOLOGIZING” - I don’t do it to be politically correct! (scroll back and tell me if I’ve EVER been politically correct 😂) - I make these statement to show GROWTH and I hope I never stop growing! I’ve always been a grower 🍌 bless up 😍😂😂😂

Aight. Two real quick follow-ups on my post about girls and sports (from Sunday.) First, I take back the comment about hairy armpits on wome...

Anaconda, Ass, and Baseball: u/Thigpenology 1d i.redd.it I met this local wet-nosed pup at the bar, his name is Smudge @DrSmashlove Playoff baseball is upon us. Now some of u ladies who grew up with brothers and-or a father (who was actually present 🤗) already know a thing or two about sports. Matter fact y’all know a LOT about sports, y’all be at the bars with your blond pony tail hanging out the back of your cubs snap back recalling stats like a cot damn baseball announcer lol. But some of y’all - like me (raised with sisters 🙋‍♂️😂) - don’t know shiiiiiiiiit. Zero. Nada. And that’s completely fine! Sports are gay! (No offense to sports fans or homosexuals - I’m just saying let’s call it what it is - if u a man who spend his days admiring men in tight pants then u a lil gay! Just a lil bit 👌😂). But anyway when it come to baseball it’s one way to easily cheat and participate in any baseball discussion. As soon as a discussion about an impending baseball game come up, say one thing. Just one. U ready? “Who’s pitching?” Bam. BAM. Wind that boy up and let his ass go. Watch his ass talk for 45 MINUTES about the pitchers on both sides. “Well for the Nats it’s Strasburg - dude is INCREDIBLE - fastballs over 100 mph” etc etc until you fall asleep face down in yo burger and fries u feel me? But u let him talk. That’s all it is - talking. I go out on dates and afterward the girl be like “we clicked - you’re amazing - talking to u felt so natural ☺️” and I’m thinking “yeah bish because I ain’t talk! You talked and I nodded! U talked enuf for both of us witchoe tawkin ass!” 😂 But real talk just say it with me: “who’s pitching?” And let him talk his sh!t. And watch him text his family the next day talmbout “OMG I MET A GIRL NAMED MEGAN AND SHE’S BEAUTIFUL AND SHE LOVES BASEBALL” and his sister Karen just like “finally! You ex Kelly hated baseball! That b!tch!” Now y’all getting married. U feel me? U choosing bridesmaids dresses and picking appetizers for the wedding off of “who’s pitching?” Warning: don’t say “who’s on the mound?” That’s a little too manly baby girl u don’t want him thinking yo armpits hairy lol. “who’s on the mound?” That’s like calling him “bro” ... like Bryson Tiller said: “Don’t.” Who’s pitching? Now go get married Megan bless up 😍😂😂😂
Anaconda, Ass, and Baseball: u/Thigpenology 1d i.redd.it
 I met this local wet-nosed pup at the bar, his
 name is Smudge
 @DrSmashlove
Playoff baseball is upon us. Now some of u ladies who grew up with brothers and-or a father (who was actually present 🤗) already know a thing or two about sports. Matter fact y’all know a LOT about sports, y’all be at the bars with your blond pony tail hanging out the back of your cubs snap back recalling stats like a cot damn baseball announcer lol. But some of y’all - like me (raised with sisters 🙋‍♂️😂) - don’t know shiiiiiiiiit. Zero. Nada. And that’s completely fine! Sports are gay! (No offense to sports fans or homosexuals - I’m just saying let’s call it what it is - if u a man who spend his days admiring men in tight pants then u a lil gay! Just a lil bit 👌😂). But anyway when it come to baseball it’s one way to easily cheat and participate in any baseball discussion. As soon as a discussion about an impending baseball game come up, say one thing. Just one. U ready? “Who’s pitching?” Bam. BAM. Wind that boy up and let his ass go. Watch his ass talk for 45 MINUTES about the pitchers on both sides. “Well for the Nats it’s Strasburg - dude is INCREDIBLE - fastballs over 100 mph” etc etc until you fall asleep face down in yo burger and fries u feel me? But u let him talk. That’s all it is - talking. I go out on dates and afterward the girl be like “we clicked - you’re amazing - talking to u felt so natural ☺️” and I’m thinking “yeah bish because I ain’t talk! You talked and I nodded! U talked enuf for both of us witchoe tawkin ass!” 😂 But real talk just say it with me: “who’s pitching?” And let him talk his sh!t. And watch him text his family the next day talmbout “OMG I MET A GIRL NAMED MEGAN AND SHE’S BEAUTIFUL AND SHE LOVES BASEBALL” and his sister Karen just like “finally! You ex Kelly hated baseball! That b!tch!” Now y’all getting married. U feel me? U choosing bridesmaids dresses and picking appetizers for the wedding off of “who’s pitching?” Warning: don’t say “who’s on the mound?” That’s a little too manly baby girl u don’t want him thinking yo armpits hairy lol. “who’s on the mound?” That’s like calling him “bro” ... like Bryson Tiller said: “Don’t.” Who’s pitching? Now go get married Megan bless up 😍😂😂😂

Playoff baseball is upon us. Now some of u ladies who grew up with brothers and-or a father (who was actually present 🤗) already know a thin...

Af, Bless Up, and Bodies : u/EyeBrowsReddit84 ld i.redd.it A three hour drive to the ocean is worth it for old man Stan. I’m worried I’ve opened a flood gate with y’all and that the hygiene discussion will never end - one of my lil homegirls text me saying imma need to start a whole new IG account on hygiene only 😩. With that said one of my followers commented today: “I’m dying😂😂😂I sent a guy into the shower once after he unzipped his pants and I caught a sniff of his sweaty HAIRY balls. I told him to clean himself and shave. He came out with bald patches and kinky patches that still stunk🤢🤢🤢”. Ok this raises two extremely important points, lemme address them in turn. (1) Some of y’all don’t know how to shower and need a full aura reboot - reset - recleanse. Go directly to Traders Joe. Buy a bottle of Dr. Bronner’s peppermint liquid wash. This shit will strip paint off cars. Turn the shower as hot as it go (UNLESS u live in the housing projects then DON’T DO THIS - project water get hot af lol I assume no responsibility for u cooking yourself.) Squirt a palm full of Dr. Bronners. Now physically violate the inside space between yo balls and yo thigh and also yo a$$ crack. Some of y’all have never since yo mama stopped bathing u actually washed this area properly. Go deep. Make it hurt a little. U feel me? Go hard. (2) For some of y’all the overall nastiness has seeped and stained into your body hair and now that body hair is a repository for stankariffic stankotry. When I said on here I shave my pits and PP some of u women got on here like “NOOOO PUBIC HAIR IS SEXY EW!” Yeah. Till u with Nasty Ned who make u vomit from his pube hair smell. Hand Ned a razor and a bar of soap. Ned, shave it all from the neck down. It’s rebirthing time. P.s. as I’ve detailed in previous posts, the Dr. Bronner’s soap is so potent that it will burn a lil bit when u pee. This isn’t an STD. This is the opening of yo PP finally being clean. Some of your bodies won’t be used to this and it will take adjustment but it will be worth it AF, I promise y’all - CLEANLINESS IS HOLINESS BLESS UP 😍😂😂😂
Af, Bless Up, and Bodies : u/EyeBrowsReddit84 ld i.redd.it
 A three hour drive to the ocean is worth it for
 old man Stan.
I’m worried I’ve opened a flood gate with y’all and that the hygiene discussion will never end - one of my lil homegirls text me saying imma need to start a whole new IG account on hygiene only 😩. With that said one of my followers commented today: “I’m dying😂😂😂I sent a guy into the shower once after he unzipped his pants and I caught a sniff of his sweaty HAIRY balls. I told him to clean himself and shave. He came out with bald patches and kinky patches that still stunk🤢🤢🤢”. Ok this raises two extremely important points, lemme address them in turn. (1) Some of y’all don’t know how to shower and need a full aura reboot - reset - recleanse. Go directly to Traders Joe. Buy a bottle of Dr. Bronner’s peppermint liquid wash. This shit will strip paint off cars. Turn the shower as hot as it go (UNLESS u live in the housing projects then DON’T DO THIS - project water get hot af lol I assume no responsibility for u cooking yourself.) Squirt a palm full of Dr. Bronners. Now physically violate the inside space between yo balls and yo thigh and also yo a$$ crack. Some of y’all have never since yo mama stopped bathing u actually washed this area properly. Go deep. Make it hurt a little. U feel me? Go hard. (2) For some of y’all the overall nastiness has seeped and stained into your body hair and now that body hair is a repository for stankariffic stankotry. When I said on here I shave my pits and PP some of u women got on here like “NOOOO PUBIC HAIR IS SEXY EW!” Yeah. Till u with Nasty Ned who make u vomit from his pube hair smell. Hand Ned a razor and a bar of soap. Ned, shave it all from the neck down. It’s rebirthing time. P.s. as I’ve detailed in previous posts, the Dr. Bronner’s soap is so potent that it will burn a lil bit when u pee. This isn’t an STD. This is the opening of yo PP finally being clean. Some of your bodies won’t be used to this and it will take adjustment but it will be worth it AF, I promise y’all - CLEANLINESS IS HOLINESS BLESS UP 😍😂😂😂

I’m worried I’ve opened a flood gate with y’all and that the hygiene discussion will never end - one of my lil homegirls text me saying imma...

Aww, Bad, and Bless Up: r/aww u/bad_girlz ld imgur 150 Pound French Mastiff gets a kiss from a 6 pound Chihuahua Yesterday I discussed the poor hygiene of some of my brothers out here whose PPs is uncut. One of my followers had this to say: “I went to a dude's place for a wake up call and he knew I was coming. Pulled that skin back, and there was literally sh!t the consistency of- *BAM*. The smell hit and I started heaving and had to run to the bathroom. He had the nerve to try to clean himself, but the smell was either permeating his room or stuck in my nostrils\lungs\long-term memory. He took me to Olive Garden (because pasta and breadsticks usually makes me forget everything), but I saw some white sauce and started heaving at the table. Like, the drools started bruh. I think it was literally the last time we attempted $ex and our fvckship ended soon after. He's somewhere with no job and live with a brother at 41 years of age. His life could have been worth more if he cleaned himself that morning.” Ok. Hol up. Lemme just...lemme catch my breath...and...lemme...HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHA FVCK. 😂 NAW. NAW NAW NAW 😂. As basic Caucasian women say: “literally dead”. As the big homie Popiando would say, “deadass b. The Deadest of Asses.” I read this and my soul exited my body. Literally I exhaled my last breath and my soul said “bish I’m meeting God now” and my soul got to the gates of Heaven and Gabriel said“WHO IS YOUR LORD!” and I tried to say “there is no deity except God” and instead I opened my mouth and said “the ting goes SCREEEE RA PAT PAT PAT PAK CAC CA” and Gabriel flung me into Hell Bruh. Deceased. Let’s recount: (1) PP smelled like a Funeral Home and Crematorium for roadkill skunks. (2) Even the finest of middle class fancy dinners could not repair the damage. (3) After this incident, his entire life crumbled and he is now not only stinky but homeless, depressed, unemployed and desperate. I’m still dead. I still haven’t recovered. Y’all out here stroking my ego saying I’m funny...THIS IS THE FUNNIEST THING I HAVE EVER READ. MEN: DOVE SOAP. WARM WATER. YALL OUT HERE ALTERING THE ENTIRE TRAJECTORY OF YA LIFE OFF YA PP SMELL. SHOWER NOW BEFORE IT’S TOO LATE. YALL BEEN WARNED 🤗 (credit the genius @tamashar - Big Sis! U murdered me 😂 bless up 😂😂😂)
Aww, Bad, and Bless Up: r/aww
 u/bad_girlz ld imgur
 150 Pound French Mastiff gets a kiss
 from a 6 pound Chihuahua
Yesterday I discussed the poor hygiene of some of my brothers out here whose PPs is uncut. One of my followers had this to say: “I went to a dude's place for a wake up call and he knew I was coming. Pulled that skin back, and there was literally sh!t the consistency of- *BAM*. The smell hit and I started heaving and had to run to the bathroom. He had the nerve to try to clean himself, but the smell was either permeating his room or stuck in my nostrils\lungs\long-term memory. He took me to Olive Garden (because pasta and breadsticks usually makes me forget everything), but I saw some white sauce and started heaving at the table. Like, the drools started bruh. I think it was literally the last time we attempted $ex and our fvckship ended soon after. He's somewhere with no job and live with a brother at 41 years of age. His life could have been worth more if he cleaned himself that morning.” Ok. Hol up. Lemme just...lemme catch my breath...and...lemme...HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHA FVCK. 😂 NAW. NAW NAW NAW 😂. As basic Caucasian women say: “literally dead”. As the big homie Popiando would say, “deadass b. The Deadest of Asses.” I read this and my soul exited my body. Literally I exhaled my last breath and my soul said “bish I’m meeting God now” and my soul got to the gates of Heaven and Gabriel said“WHO IS YOUR LORD!” and I tried to say “there is no deity except God” and instead I opened my mouth and said “the ting goes SCREEEE RA PAT PAT PAT PAK CAC CA” and Gabriel flung me into Hell Bruh. Deceased. Let’s recount: (1) PP smelled like a Funeral Home and Crematorium for roadkill skunks. (2) Even the finest of middle class fancy dinners could not repair the damage. (3) After this incident, his entire life crumbled and he is now not only stinky but homeless, depressed, unemployed and desperate. I’m still dead. I still haven’t recovered. Y’all out here stroking my ego saying I’m funny...THIS IS THE FUNNIEST THING I HAVE EVER READ. MEN: DOVE SOAP. WARM WATER. YALL OUT HERE ALTERING THE ENTIRE TRAJECTORY OF YA LIFE OFF YA PP SMELL. SHOWER NOW BEFORE IT’S TOO LATE. YALL BEEN WARNED 🤗 (credit the genius @tamashar - Big Sis! U murdered me 😂 bless up 😂😂😂)

Yesterday I discussed the poor hygiene of some of my brothers out here whose PPs is uncut. One of my followers had this to say: “I went to a...

Bless Up, Costco, and Doctor: The many faces of derp The hygiene discussion continues. My lil homegirl text me this morning: “Hahaah omg smash! My friends have encountered a few guys lately that aren't circumsized and don't wash well..... how does someone not notice!???” Now men if y’all possess Thee Natural Foreskin nine times out of ten it’s yo mama’s fault - she was just following cultural norms and told the OB “whoa derr...you ain’t chopping off my son’s foreskin” and the doctor followed mama’s wishes and left lil man’s PP intact. For instance my Dominican homie told me that most Dominicans leave the PP skin intact. My lil Armenian homegirl told me that Armenian men are 50-50, sometimes Cleanie Weenie, sometimes Cheesy Weasy u feel me? Personally I’m Cleanie Weenie but I respect all cultures. Regardless, it’s on a grown man to assess the cleanliness of his situation and cleanse accordingly. Men if u all-natural uncut imma need u to boil some water in the microwave. Put a towel over your head and breathe that steam nice and deep to cleanse the nasal passage. Then take a cup full of coffee beans just like they got at Sephora and take a nice deep breath to cleanse yo palette. Then wait a few seconds, drop ya drawls, bend all the way over so yo nostrils is closest to yo PP, pull the covering back, and inhale deeply. If it smell like Dove soap bruv...lilacs and lavender and almond butter coconut essence? U good money. On the other hand if it smell like that sliced cheese assortment u copped at Costco for a party one time bc u felt like u grown and u gon serve wine and cheese at a party but u had left over cheese from the platter so u stuffed it in the back left corner of the fridge behind the strawberries and bread and u find it eight months later and it got a farm of green foliage growing on it Bruv and u took one whiff and u wanted to vomit ... if yo PP smell like an expired grown-and-sexy Costco cheese platter Bruv? YOU NEED TO CLEANSE YASELF. Just warm water and soap. Shit ain’t rocket science. RIP to the dignity of the poor women that u subject to your CheesyPP — Susan B Anthony ain’t die for this. WE CAN DO BETTER. BLESS UP 🤞😂😂😂
Bless Up, Costco, and Doctor: The many faces of derp
The hygiene discussion continues. My lil homegirl text me this morning: “Hahaah omg smash! My friends have encountered a few guys lately that aren't circumsized and don't wash well..... how does someone not notice!???” Now men if y’all possess Thee Natural Foreskin nine times out of ten it’s yo mama’s fault - she was just following cultural norms and told the OB “whoa derr...you ain’t chopping off my son’s foreskin” and the doctor followed mama’s wishes and left lil man’s PP intact. For instance my Dominican homie told me that most Dominicans leave the PP skin intact. My lil Armenian homegirl told me that Armenian men are 50-50, sometimes Cleanie Weenie, sometimes Cheesy Weasy u feel me? Personally I’m Cleanie Weenie but I respect all cultures. Regardless, it’s on a grown man to assess the cleanliness of his situation and cleanse accordingly. Men if u all-natural uncut imma need u to boil some water in the microwave. Put a towel over your head and breathe that steam nice and deep to cleanse the nasal passage. Then take a cup full of coffee beans just like they got at Sephora and take a nice deep breath to cleanse yo palette. Then wait a few seconds, drop ya drawls, bend all the way over so yo nostrils is closest to yo PP, pull the covering back, and inhale deeply. If it smell like Dove soap bruv...lilacs and lavender and almond butter coconut essence? U good money. On the other hand if it smell like that sliced cheese assortment u copped at Costco for a party one time bc u felt like u grown and u gon serve wine and cheese at a party but u had left over cheese from the platter so u stuffed it in the back left corner of the fridge behind the strawberries and bread and u find it eight months later and it got a farm of green foliage growing on it Bruv and u took one whiff and u wanted to vomit ... if yo PP smell like an expired grown-and-sexy Costco cheese platter Bruv? YOU NEED TO CLEANSE YASELF. Just warm water and soap. Shit ain’t rocket science. RIP to the dignity of the poor women that u subject to your CheesyPP — Susan B Anthony ain’t die for this. WE CAN DO BETTER. BLESS UP 🤞😂😂😂

The hygiene discussion continues. My lil homegirl text me this morning: “Hahaah omg smash! My friends have encountered a few guys lately tha...

Ass, Bailey Jay, and Bless Up: Happiest mug shot ever! Part 3. To get rid of them insecurities, be specific about what yo man do that make him special. "OMG the way u [___]? NOBODY HAS EVER MADE ME FEEL THAT WAY BEFORE." Bam. Like the Somali dude in the tom hank movie said, He da Captain now. And if it ain't sexual, make it sweet. "Baby you have set the bar for how I need to be loved." U feel me? Men are delicate like a porcelain vase bruv - telling him he ruined u in some way will get u hella points. Airline points. Pretty soon u have platinum status (💍) and a companion pass - u feel me? But that's still Level 2 fixing. Y'all want Level 1 fixing? BE HELLA VAGUE ABOUT YO PERSONAL LIFE. U DON'T OWE HIM SHIT. AND FOR GOD'S SAKE DON'T VOLUNTEER SH!T. I can't say this strongly enuf. Y'all on break? BE VAGUE. He ask about exes? BE VAGUE. Remember that u dealing with a delicate and jealous man-child. The same way yo mama would say she forgot her purse when y'all see the ice cream man bc she don't wanna buy u ice cream every time and spoil u (white lie), do the same thing: "baby I'm really just taking this time on break to think. I'm not really in that mindset to be out and about." BAM. IF U THINK YALL ARE ONLY "on break" AND GON BE BACK TOGETHER IN A MONTH, FOR GOD'S SAKE DON'T EFF HIS HEAD UP WITH SPECIFICS: "Things have been pretty great. U know Marquis who's 6'14" and works at the cross fit gym in the south loop training people for 27 hours per day and gets hit on by all the slim thick cross fit white girls who have 1,200 followers on IG and post before-after pics all day? He's been laying pipe for weeks. Missed my period. Pretty sure I might be pregnant. Don't even care. My body is utterly ready for Marquis Jr 😍." <- BABY EVEN IF THIS IS TRUE (AND I HOPE IT IS!) - DON'T SAY IT 😂. Remember that trapped in that grown man is a lil ass boy. 1. Be reassuring. 2. Tell him what he does that's amazing. 3. BE VAGUE. SAY U AIN'T DATING. SAY U NEVER DATED ANYONE REALLY IMPORTANT TO U. SAY YO EX HUSBAND WAS A LIMP DICK (even if he was a Python PP 😎). U AIN'T GOING TO HELL OFF A LIL WHITE LIE OR TWO LIKE THAT. TELL THE LIE AND THEN DONATE $20 TO SYRIAN ORPHANS (link in bio 🤗) GOD IS FORGIVING BLESS UP 😍😂😂😂
Ass, Bailey Jay, and Bless Up: Happiest mug shot ever!
Part 3. To get rid of them insecurities, be specific about what yo man do that make him special. "OMG the way u [___]? NOBODY HAS EVER MADE ME FEEL THAT WAY BEFORE." Bam. Like the Somali dude in the tom hank movie said, He da Captain now. And if it ain't sexual, make it sweet. "Baby you have set the bar for how I need to be loved." U feel me? Men are delicate like a porcelain vase bruv - telling him he ruined u in some way will get u hella points. Airline points. Pretty soon u have platinum status (💍) and a companion pass - u feel me? But that's still Level 2 fixing. Y'all want Level 1 fixing? BE HELLA VAGUE ABOUT YO PERSONAL LIFE. U DON'T OWE HIM SHIT. AND FOR GOD'S SAKE DON'T VOLUNTEER SH!T. I can't say this strongly enuf. Y'all on break? BE VAGUE. He ask about exes? BE VAGUE. Remember that u dealing with a delicate and jealous man-child. The same way yo mama would say she forgot her purse when y'all see the ice cream man bc she don't wanna buy u ice cream every time and spoil u (white lie), do the same thing: "baby I'm really just taking this time on break to think. I'm not really in that mindset to be out and about." BAM. IF U THINK YALL ARE ONLY "on break" AND GON BE BACK TOGETHER IN A MONTH, FOR GOD'S SAKE DON'T EFF HIS HEAD UP WITH SPECIFICS: "Things have been pretty great. U know Marquis who's 6'14" and works at the cross fit gym in the south loop training people for 27 hours per day and gets hit on by all the slim thick cross fit white girls who have 1,200 followers on IG and post before-after pics all day? He's been laying pipe for weeks. Missed my period. Pretty sure I might be pregnant. Don't even care. My body is utterly ready for Marquis Jr 😍." <- BABY EVEN IF THIS IS TRUE (AND I HOPE IT IS!) - DON'T SAY IT 😂. Remember that trapped in that grown man is a lil ass boy. 1. Be reassuring. 2. Tell him what he does that's amazing. 3. BE VAGUE. SAY U AIN'T DATING. SAY U NEVER DATED ANYONE REALLY IMPORTANT TO U. SAY YO EX HUSBAND WAS A LIMP DICK (even if he was a Python PP 😎). U AIN'T GOING TO HELL OFF A LIL WHITE LIE OR TWO LIKE THAT. TELL THE LIE AND THEN DONATE $20 TO SYRIAN ORPHANS (link in bio 🤗) GOD IS FORGIVING BLESS UP 😍😂😂😂

Part 3. To get rid of them insecurities, be specific about what yo man do that make him special. "OMG the way u [___]? NOBODY HAS EVER MADE ...

Birdman, Bless Up, and Children: u/BrittanyLD ld i.redd.it She was the last puppy at the shelter. Most didn't want her because of her timid disposition/ overbite, but I think it makes her that much more of a treasure. (For Part 1, scroll back 🤗). Part 2: Now then. Let me explain: if a man really fux witchu, he gon be a jealous mess when y'all break up or "take a break". He gon be jealous of anyone u hang out with bc if he fux with u, ain no break. IN HIS MIND YALL STILL A COUPLE YALL JUST HAVING ISSUES 😐. Marquis who u dated for two weeks while on break? If u mention that to your ex? In his mind? Marquis PP built like a Voss water bottle and he lasted 17 hours. U all swollen and shaking and u like "Marquis OMG chill!!" And Marquis like "NAWWWW BABY ONE MO GENN" rubbing his hands like Birdman while his glisteny dangalang start saluting so he could rearrange yo anatomy to where yo spleen sits in yo esophagus now. That ain't een anatomically possible but that's what your ex imagine. He think u go to sleep every night and dream of having a home with a white picket fence with Marquis and 3.5 children and an Audi SUV that u bought because u the provider but u ok with that arrangement because the PP game so on point u don't mind being the mommy and the daddy and he just drop u off at work and drop the kids off at school and play 2K all day and possibly cheat on u using YOUR car but again u will let it slide off the quality of the PP. U feel me? This is the jealous male mind - any other man than him is bigger stronger better in bed more manly more dominant etc. Don't matter that Marquis could have been a 4.5 inch minute man who u only hung out with because he was sincere and always had good weed. To yo man? U in love with Marquis and still miss him - dearly. Yo man could be this jealous if u dated Marquis even before u met him lol! Literally men will be jealous of your OLD EXES! That's how fragile men are! Personally IDGAF about exes (bc I know I'm the sh!t 🤗) and when I've tooken breaks with girls I'm not monitoring they movements but this is how men think. It effs they head up bruv. And then they do disloyal tings bc on the basis of what u did on break somehow that's disloyal. Again: not logical. What's the solution? Peep Part 3 to find out bless up 😄😂😂😂
Birdman, Bless Up, and Children: u/BrittanyLD ld i.redd.it
 She was the last puppy at the shelter. Most
 didn't want her because of her timid
 disposition/ overbite, but I think it makes her
 that much more of a treasure.
(For Part 1, scroll back 🤗). Part 2: Now then. Let me explain: if a man really fux witchu, he gon be a jealous mess when y'all break up or "take a break". He gon be jealous of anyone u hang out with bc if he fux with u, ain no break. IN HIS MIND YALL STILL A COUPLE YALL JUST HAVING ISSUES 😐. Marquis who u dated for two weeks while on break? If u mention that to your ex? In his mind? Marquis PP built like a Voss water bottle and he lasted 17 hours. U all swollen and shaking and u like "Marquis OMG chill!!" And Marquis like "NAWWWW BABY ONE MO GENN" rubbing his hands like Birdman while his glisteny dangalang start saluting so he could rearrange yo anatomy to where yo spleen sits in yo esophagus now. That ain't een anatomically possible but that's what your ex imagine. He think u go to sleep every night and dream of having a home with a white picket fence with Marquis and 3.5 children and an Audi SUV that u bought because u the provider but u ok with that arrangement because the PP game so on point u don't mind being the mommy and the daddy and he just drop u off at work and drop the kids off at school and play 2K all day and possibly cheat on u using YOUR car but again u will let it slide off the quality of the PP. U feel me? This is the jealous male mind - any other man than him is bigger stronger better in bed more manly more dominant etc. Don't matter that Marquis could have been a 4.5 inch minute man who u only hung out with because he was sincere and always had good weed. To yo man? U in love with Marquis and still miss him - dearly. Yo man could be this jealous if u dated Marquis even before u met him lol! Literally men will be jealous of your OLD EXES! That's how fragile men are! Personally IDGAF about exes (bc I know I'm the sh!t 🤗) and when I've tooken breaks with girls I'm not monitoring they movements but this is how men think. It effs they head up bruv. And then they do disloyal tings bc on the basis of what u did on break somehow that's disloyal. Again: not logical. What's the solution? Peep Part 3 to find out bless up 😄😂😂😂

(For Part 1, scroll back 🤗). Part 2: Now then. Let me explain: if a man really fux witchu, he gon be a jealous mess when y'all break up or "...

Apple, Baseball, and Bless Up: u/MMorks 21h i.redd.it Yes, I sits comfortable like this Now u all know I love to use this platform to discuss serious issues. That don't make me popular but I'm not concerned with popularity. I'm concerned with creating dialogue. With that said I want to take this moment to discuss a serious issue we face as a human race, which is cancer. Cancer is a disease in which abnormal cells divide uncontrollably and destroy body tissue. It can develop in a woman breasts, in a man's prostate, anywhere. And, if not detected early and treated, it can kill u. Today I would like to focus on a specific form of cancer that is wreaking havoc on us while we sit and watch and I see NOBODY doing anything about it. And that cancer is the song Despacito. Bruv. Is u kidding me? First I heard this song as a suggested hit on Apple Music. Not gon lie I gave it a couple listens and may have een danced a little. Low key? That "besito besito" kissy kissy shit is festive. But bruv. Bieber remixed this sh!t and now it's on all the radio stations. Went to my Kurdish homie crib over the weekend and the DJ played the Arabic version - THIS MF SAID "baseeta baseeta" ("easy easy"). People lost they damn mind. Had to go hide in the bathroom with ear buds in playing A Boogie just to cleanse my palette 😖. Watched my homie's snap he's in Iceland right now and one of our bro's was playing the ukelele for a bunch of Icelandics in the forest and HE SANG DESPACITO AND THE ICELANDICS WERE SINGING ALONG. THE VIKINGS AINT DIE ON LARGE SAILBOATS OF MALNUTRITION ON THE WAY TO DISCOVER MINNESOTA FOR THIS SHIT. With that said I beg u. If u have a playlist with Despacito, delete it. If u Jewish and u having a bar mitzvah for yo son Joshua, play anything. Play Taylor Swift. But I beg u please do not let the goofy black DJ in the sparkly True Religion baseball cap and tight black suit from Express with a Janet Jackson head set on spin Despacito. AND TO ALL MY ARABIANS. YALL ARE ON NOTICE. I OPPOSE THE MUSLIM TRAVEL PLAN BUT KEEP PLAYING ARABIAN DESPACITO AND I WILL START SUPPORTING IT ON THE BASIS THAT WE'RE KEEPING OUR COUNTRY SAFE AND I MEAN THAT SHIT. Only u can stop cancer. I beg y'all. Let's lock arms and FIX THIS. BLESS UP 🤗😂😂😂
Apple, Baseball, and Bless Up: u/MMorks 21h i.redd.it
 Yes, I sits comfortable like this
Now u all know I love to use this platform to discuss serious issues. That don't make me popular but I'm not concerned with popularity. I'm concerned with creating dialogue. With that said I want to take this moment to discuss a serious issue we face as a human race, which is cancer. Cancer is a disease in which abnormal cells divide uncontrollably and destroy body tissue. It can develop in a woman breasts, in a man's prostate, anywhere. And, if not detected early and treated, it can kill u. Today I would like to focus on a specific form of cancer that is wreaking havoc on us while we sit and watch and I see NOBODY doing anything about it. And that cancer is the song Despacito. Bruv. Is u kidding me? First I heard this song as a suggested hit on Apple Music. Not gon lie I gave it a couple listens and may have een danced a little. Low key? That "besito besito" kissy kissy shit is festive. But bruv. Bieber remixed this sh!t and now it's on all the radio stations. Went to my Kurdish homie crib over the weekend and the DJ played the Arabic version - THIS MF SAID "baseeta baseeta" ("easy easy"). People lost they damn mind. Had to go hide in the bathroom with ear buds in playing A Boogie just to cleanse my palette 😖. Watched my homie's snap he's in Iceland right now and one of our bro's was playing the ukelele for a bunch of Icelandics in the forest and HE SANG DESPACITO AND THE ICELANDICS WERE SINGING ALONG. THE VIKINGS AINT DIE ON LARGE SAILBOATS OF MALNUTRITION ON THE WAY TO DISCOVER MINNESOTA FOR THIS SHIT. With that said I beg u. If u have a playlist with Despacito, delete it. If u Jewish and u having a bar mitzvah for yo son Joshua, play anything. Play Taylor Swift. But I beg u please do not let the goofy black DJ in the sparkly True Religion baseball cap and tight black suit from Express with a Janet Jackson head set on spin Despacito. AND TO ALL MY ARABIANS. YALL ARE ON NOTICE. I OPPOSE THE MUSLIM TRAVEL PLAN BUT KEEP PLAYING ARABIAN DESPACITO AND I WILL START SUPPORTING IT ON THE BASIS THAT WE'RE KEEPING OUR COUNTRY SAFE AND I MEAN THAT SHIT. Only u can stop cancer. I beg y'all. Let's lock arms and FIX THIS. BLESS UP 🤗😂😂😂

Now u all know I love to use this platform to discuss serious issues. That don't make me popular but I'm not concerned with popularity. I'm ...