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        advice-animal:

How to Fuck your Dragon: the biggest lie, i think, the intemet perpetuates about D&D is that a skinny
 ittle twink of a bard just needs to roll a nat 20 to seduce a dragon
 ike a dragon...a creature with more wealth and power than any other
 creature on the planet..a creature who is easily an 11/10 when they deign
 to take humanoid formwould look at your skinny little 8 STR half-elf Bard
 whose own father doesn't even love them and go...yeah I'd like to fuck that
 Counterpoint, my good man:
 Bragonsuck
 Dragons fuck, clearly, but not just any joe blow schmoe with a big
 Charisma stat. If I'm Joseph J Dragon sitting on a small hill of gold and
 jewels I'm not gonna waste my time boning every monsterfucking tiefling
 twink with a lyre. I would have standards.
 dragons are SUPER horny
 counterpoint: even if dragons are SUPER horny they've
 got better prospects than spindly little bards!lll They could be off fucking
 cloud giants or beholders or planetars!!ll They could be having sex with
 kraken in the middle of the ocean or fire giants in the mouth of an erupting
 There is a wealth of sexual excess and opportunity available to dragons, so
 much that they do not need to be slumming it with an adventurer who
 hasn't washed his ass in a month and a half and is probably covered in
 kobold blood by the time they get to the dragon's lairl
 I don't care how many times you cast Charm Monster, the Elder Dragon
 who has probably slept with more princesses than there are princedoms is
 not going to bitel When you have bedded the most beautiful mortals on the
 Prime Material Plane on a pile of gold and jewelry you are not gonna be
 looking twice at any MOTHERFUCKEr who can't at least True
 Polymorph to make things interesting
 you're right but please shut up you are actively ruining my 10 strength
 half-elf twink bard's sexual prospects with this post
 OP is right and they should say it
 Dragon
 Bf
 Giont
 Gnol
 Gobin
 Haiting
 Koboid
 Spite
 As we can see from this most excellent chart, dragons can and will fuck
 anything. Even humans do not compare. The only species that can match
 dragons for homy-ness is, in fact, nymphs.
 Therefore your twinky-ass lil bard has as good a chance as anyone. Go
 forth and thot your way through your DM's carefully planned Big Bad
 encounter and
 fuck the dragon.
 I'm not even sure where I stand on this argument but I absolutely need to
 keep that chart for reference, so
 That chart is not proof that a dragon would fuck anything
 and youre a charlatan for pretending it does!!!
 That is a crossbreeding chart not a horny chart, and it says right on it that
 what it is tracking is the likelyhood that a union between two races would
 yield offspring. It is NOT saying that a dragon WILL fuck any of those
 creatures, just that doing so would result in a half-dragon child
 If anything this just proves siderealsandman's point the dragon could have
 any creature or being under the sun so why the fuck would it ever settle for
 a shitty PC and their+1 light leather amor. What's the bard gonna say??
 You should fuck me because you techically can?? That bitch getting
 sauteed
 OP IS CORRECT SORRY BUT THE TWINK BARD ISNT
 GETTING ANY DRAGON ASS
 a dragon fucked a donkey in shrek, your argument is invalid
 Don't bring shrek into this
 OH YEAH?? YOU WANNA DO THIS?? FINE
 CLASS TRAITS OF A BARD
 1) Your spells inspire and invigorate your allies-Donkey's role in the film
 was to inspire and invigorate Shrek to begin his hero's quest and keep him
 on his path
 2) You channel magical power through words and music Doney never
 stopped talking or singing. That was his THING
 3) Key abilities: Charisma, Intelligence, Constitution- Do we even need to
 question this?? Charisma - he managed to convince a dragon to fuck him
 He gave both Fiona and Shrek the pep-talk they needed to come to terms
 with their feelings. Intelligence-He's COLOR BLIND and stl managed to
 figure out the flowers Fiona asked for. Constitution-dude you saw the shit
 he managed to survive in that movie
 CONCLUSION-SHREK IS A DND CAMPAIGN, DONKEY IS A BARD
 THAT SEDUCED THE DRAGON. NEVER QUESTION ME IN MY HOUSE
 AGAIN
advice-animal:

How to Fuck your Dragon
        

            
            

                
                
                    advice-animal:

How to Fuck your Dragon: the biggest lie, i think, the intemet perpetuates about D&D is that a skinny
 ittle twink of a bard just needs to roll a nat 20 to seduce a dragon
 ike a dragon...a creature with more wealth and power than any other
 creature on the planet..a creature who is easily an 11/10 when they deign
 to take humanoid formwould look at your skinny little 8 STR half-elf Bard
 whose own father doesn't even love them and go...yeah I'd like to fuck that
 Counterpoint, my good man:
 Bragonsuck
 Dragons fuck, clearly, but not just any joe blow schmoe with a big
 Charisma stat. If I'm Joseph J Dragon sitting on a small hill of gold and
 jewels I'm not gonna waste my time boning every monsterfucking tiefling
 twink with a lyre. I would have standards.
 dragons are SUPER horny
 counterpoint: even if dragons are SUPER horny they've
 got better prospects than spindly little bards!lll They could be off fucking
 cloud giants or beholders or planetars!!ll They could be having sex with
 kraken in the middle of the ocean or fire giants in the mouth of an erupting
 There is a wealth of sexual excess and opportunity available to dragons, so
 much that they do not need to be slumming it with an adventurer who
 hasn't washed his ass in a month and a half and is probably covered in
 kobold blood by the time they get to the dragon's lairl
 I don't care how many times you cast Charm Monster, the Elder Dragon
 who has probably slept with more princesses than there are princedoms is
 not going to bitel When you have bedded the most beautiful mortals on the
 Prime Material Plane on a pile of gold and jewelry you are not gonna be
 looking twice at any MOTHERFUCKEr who can't at least True
 Polymorph to make things interesting
 you're right but please shut up you are actively ruining my 10 strength
 half-elf twink bard's sexual prospects with this post
 OP is right and they should say it
 Dragon
 Bf
 Giont
 Gnol
 Gobin
 Haiting
 Koboid
 Spite
 As we can see from this most excellent chart, dragons can and will fuck
 anything. Even humans do not compare. The only species that can match
 dragons for homy-ness is, in fact, nymphs.
 Therefore your twinky-ass lil bard has as good a chance as anyone. Go
 forth and thot your way through your DM's carefully planned Big Bad
 encounter and
 fuck the dragon.
 I'm not even sure where I stand on this argument but I absolutely need to
 keep that chart for reference, so
 That chart is not proof that a dragon would fuck anything
 and youre a charlatan for pretending it does!!!
 That is a crossbreeding chart not a horny chart, and it says right on it that
 what it is tracking is the likelyhood that a union between two races would
 yield offspring. It is NOT saying that a dragon WILL fuck any of those
 creatures, just that doing so would result in a half-dragon child
 If anything this just proves siderealsandman's point the dragon could have
 any creature or being under the sun so why the fuck would it ever settle for
 a shitty PC and their+1 light leather amor. What's the bard gonna say??
 You should fuck me because you techically can?? That bitch getting
 sauteed
 OP IS CORRECT SORRY BUT THE TWINK BARD ISNT
 GETTING ANY DRAGON ASS
 a dragon fucked a donkey in shrek, your argument is invalid
 Don't bring shrek into this
 OH YEAH?? YOU WANNA DO THIS?? FINE
 CLASS TRAITS OF A BARD
 1) Your spells inspire and invigorate your allies-Donkey's role in the film
 was to inspire and invigorate Shrek to begin his hero's quest and keep him
 on his path
 2) You channel magical power through words and music Doney never
 stopped talking or singing. That was his THING
 3) Key abilities: Charisma, Intelligence, Constitution- Do we even need to
 question this?? Charisma - he managed to convince a dragon to fuck him
 He gave both Fiona and Shrek the pep-talk they needed to come to terms
 with their feelings. Intelligence-He's COLOR BLIND and stl managed to
 figure out the flowers Fiona asked for. Constitution-dude you saw the shit
 he managed to survive in that movie
 CONCLUSION-SHREK IS A DND CAMPAIGN, DONKEY IS A BARD
 THAT SEDUCED THE DRAGON. NEVER QUESTION ME IN MY HOUSE
 AGAIN
advice-animal:

How to Fuck your Dragon
                    
                
            

            
            
        

    

    

        
Save

    



        

    

    
    

        

            









    

        
        
        
        
        
        
        
    

    

        How to Fuck your Dragon: the biggest lie, i think, the intemet perpetuates about D&D is that a skinny
 ittle twink of a bard just needs to roll a nat 20 to seduce a dragon
 ike a dragon...a creature with more wealth and power than any other
 creature on the planet..a creature who is easily an 11/10 when they deign
 to take humanoid formwould look at your skinny little 8 STR half-elf Bard
 whose own father doesn't even love them and go...yeah I'd like to fuck that
 Counterpoint, my good man:
 Bragonsuck
 Dragons fuck, clearly, but not just any joe blow schmoe with a big
 Charisma stat. If I'm Joseph J Dragon sitting on a small hill of gold and
 jewels I'm not gonna waste my time boning every monsterfucking tiefling
 twink with a lyre. I would have standards.
 dragons are SUPER horny
 counterpoint: even if dragons are SUPER horny they've
 got better prospects than spindly little bards!lll They could be off fucking
 cloud giants or beholders or planetars!!ll They could be having sex with
 kraken in the middle of the ocean or fire giants in the mouth of an erupting
 There is a wealth of sexual excess and opportunity available to dragons, so
 much that they do not need to be slumming it with an adventurer who
 hasn't washed his ass in a month and a half and is probably covered in
 kobold blood by the time they get to the dragon's lairl
 I don't care how many times you cast Charm Monster, the Elder Dragon
 who has probably slept with more princesses than there are princedoms is
 not going to bitel When you have bedded the most beautiful mortals on the
 Prime Material Plane on a pile of gold and jewelry you are not gonna be
 looking twice at any MOTHERFUCKEr who can't at least True
 Polymorph to make things interesting
 you're right but please shut up you are actively ruining my 10 strength
 half-elf twink bard's sexual prospects with this post
 OP is right and they should say it
 Dragon
 Bf
 Giont
 Gnol
 Gobin
 Haiting
 Koboid
 Spite
 As we can see from this most excellent chart, dragons can and will fuck
 anything. Even humans do not compare. The only species that can match
 dragons for homy-ness is, in fact, nymphs.
 Therefore your twinky-ass lil bard has as good a chance as anyone. Go
 forth and thot your way through your DM's carefully planned Big Bad
 encounter and
 fuck the dragon.
 I'm not even sure where I stand on this argument but I absolutely need to
 keep that chart for reference, so
 That chart is not proof that a dragon would fuck anything
 and youre a charlatan for pretending it does!!!
 That is a crossbreeding chart not a horny chart, and it says right on it that
 what it is tracking is the likelyhood that a union between two races would
 yield offspring. It is NOT saying that a dragon WILL fuck any of those
 creatures, just that doing so would result in a half-dragon child
 If anything this just proves siderealsandman's point the dragon could have
 any creature or being under the sun so why the fuck would it ever settle for
 a shitty PC and their+1 light leather amor. What's the bard gonna say??
 You should fuck me because you techically can?? That bitch getting
 sauteed
 OP IS CORRECT SORRY BUT THE TWINK BARD ISNT
 GETTING ANY DRAGON ASS
 a dragon fucked a donkey in shrek, your argument is invalid
 Don't bring shrek into this
 OH YEAH?? YOU WANNA DO THIS?? FINE
 CLASS TRAITS OF A BARD
 1) Your spells inspire and invigorate your allies-Donkey's role in the film
 was to inspire and invigorate Shrek to begin his hero's quest and keep him
 on his path
 2) You channel magical power through words and music Doney never
 stopped talking or singing. That was his THING
 3) Key abilities: Charisma, Intelligence, Constitution- Do we even need to
 question this?? Charisma - he managed to convince a dragon to fuck him
 He gave both Fiona and Shrek the pep-talk they needed to come to terms
 with their feelings. Intelligence-He's COLOR BLIND and stl managed to
 figure out the flowers Fiona asked for. Constitution-dude you saw the shit
 he managed to survive in that movie
 CONCLUSION-SHREK IS A DND CAMPAIGN, DONKEY IS A BARD
 THAT SEDUCED THE DRAGON. NEVER QUESTION ME IN MY HOUSE
 AGAIN
How to Fuck your Dragon
        

            
            

                
                
                    How to Fuck your Dragon: the biggest lie, i think, the intemet perpetuates about D&D is that a skinny
 ittle twink of a bard just needs to roll a nat 20 to seduce a dragon
 ike a dragon...a creature with more wealth and power than any other
 creature on the planet..a creature who is easily an 11/10 when they deign
 to take humanoid formwould look at your skinny little 8 STR half-elf Bard
 whose own father doesn't even love them and go...yeah I'd like to fuck that
 Counterpoint, my good man:
 Bragonsuck
 Dragons fuck, clearly, but not just any joe blow schmoe with a big
 Charisma stat. If I'm Joseph J Dragon sitting on a small hill of gold and
 jewels I'm not gonna waste my time boning every monsterfucking tiefling
 twink with a lyre. I would have standards.
 dragons are SUPER horny
 counterpoint: even if dragons are SUPER horny they've
 got better prospects than spindly little bards!lll They could be off fucking
 cloud giants or beholders or planetars!!ll They could be having sex with
 kraken in the middle of the ocean or fire giants in the mouth of an erupting
 There is a wealth of sexual excess and opportunity available to dragons, so
 much that they do not need to be slumming it with an adventurer who
 hasn't washed his ass in a month and a half and is probably covered in
 kobold blood by the time they get to the dragon's lairl
 I don't care how many times you cast Charm Monster, the Elder Dragon
 who has probably slept with more princesses than there are princedoms is
 not going to bitel When you have bedded the most beautiful mortals on the
 Prime Material Plane on a pile of gold and jewelry you are not gonna be
 looking twice at any MOTHERFUCKEr who can't at least True
 Polymorph to make things interesting
 you're right but please shut up you are actively ruining my 10 strength
 half-elf twink bard's sexual prospects with this post
 OP is right and they should say it
 Dragon
 Bf
 Giont
 Gnol
 Gobin
 Haiting
 Koboid
 Spite
 As we can see from this most excellent chart, dragons can and will fuck
 anything. Even humans do not compare. The only species that can match
 dragons for homy-ness is, in fact, nymphs.
 Therefore your twinky-ass lil bard has as good a chance as anyone. Go
 forth and thot your way through your DM's carefully planned Big Bad
 encounter and
 fuck the dragon.
 I'm not even sure where I stand on this argument but I absolutely need to
 keep that chart for reference, so
 That chart is not proof that a dragon would fuck anything
 and youre a charlatan for pretending it does!!!
 That is a crossbreeding chart not a horny chart, and it says right on it that
 what it is tracking is the likelyhood that a union between two races would
 yield offspring. It is NOT saying that a dragon WILL fuck any of those
 creatures, just that doing so would result in a half-dragon child
 If anything this just proves siderealsandman's point the dragon could have
 any creature or being under the sun so why the fuck would it ever settle for
 a shitty PC and their+1 light leather amor. What's the bard gonna say??
 You should fuck me because you techically can?? That bitch getting
 sauteed
 OP IS CORRECT SORRY BUT THE TWINK BARD ISNT
 GETTING ANY DRAGON ASS
 a dragon fucked a donkey in shrek, your argument is invalid
 Don't bring shrek into this
 OH YEAH?? YOU WANNA DO THIS?? FINE
 CLASS TRAITS OF A BARD
 1) Your spells inspire and invigorate your allies-Donkey's role in the film
 was to inspire and invigorate Shrek to begin his hero's quest and keep him
 on his path
 2) You channel magical power through words and music Doney never
 stopped talking or singing. That was his THING
 3) Key abilities: Charisma, Intelligence, Constitution- Do we even need to
 question this?? Charisma - he managed to convince a dragon to fuck him
 He gave both Fiona and Shrek the pep-talk they needed to come to terms
 with their feelings. Intelligence-He's COLOR BLIND and stl managed to
 figure out the flowers Fiona asked for. Constitution-dude you saw the shit
 he managed to survive in that movie
 CONCLUSION-SHREK IS A DND CAMPAIGN, DONKEY IS A BARD
 THAT SEDUCED THE DRAGON. NEVER QUESTION ME IN MY HOUSE
 AGAIN
How to Fuck your Dragon
                    
                
            

            
            
        

    

    

        
Save

    



        

    

    
    

        

            








        

    

    
    

        

            








        

    

    
    

        

            








        

    

    
    

        

            








        

    

    
    

        

            








        

    

    
    

        

            








        

    

    
    

        

            








        

    

    
    

        

            








        

    

    
    

        

            








        

    

    
    

        

            









    

        
        
        
        
        
        
        
    

    

        So my lil homegirl text me saying "smash this dude keeps trying to get with me so I had to tell him I don't want to sleep with him and he went off." I said "baby why don't you slow-fade these guys don't be so direct lol". Um, nah. HELL nah. She proceeds to send me screenshots of dozens of thirsty texts this dude sent AFTER she had basically ceased communication. By then she got no choice but to ice u, and then SHE gotta be the 'bitch' smh. Now I could see how men might get they lil ego crushed when a girl say "dude I don't wanna bone u." But u wanna know the bigger issue? By the time she had to be blunt with u, she done sent 17 carefully worded ass texts tryina curve u but u so damn optimistic u turnt into Lloyd from Dumb and Dumber: "What do you think the chances are of a guy like you and a girl like me…ending up together?" Mary: "Not good." Lloyd: "You mean, not good like one out of a hundred?" Mary: "I’d say more like one out of a million." Lloyd: "So you’re telling me there’s a chance!" That's u bruh. Her: "ok I could probably maybe meet up for one drink but I gotta get home and wash my hair I have meetings tomorrow!" <- curve. Her: "haha that sounds fun but it's a hectic week for me 😐" <- curve. "Lol nice" <- literally never text me again please 🤗😂. Men y'all gotta understand if she like u, she gon let u know. U be like "aye baby u free Wednesday?" It don't matter if she free or not - if she fuck wit u, she gon do the mostest. "I'm actually in Milwaukee that afternoon for meetings but building in 90 minutes for the drive if I speed, I could come by at like 11 and tuck you in? I'll be in work clothes but I can sleep in one of your t shirts 🙃" <- Mikey, she likes you 😌😂. If I can leave u with one thing: LISTEN when she try to talk to u. HEAR what she saying not what u WANT to hear and she won't have to drop a bomb on u. Ya get me!! Bless up 😍😂😂😂 (📸: Reddit u-mascary): My sister got a new pup and they like
 to take her sailing
So my lil homegirl text me saying "smash this dude keeps trying to get with me so I had to tell him I don't want to sleep with him and he went off." I said "baby why don't you slow-fade these guys don't be so direct lol". Um, nah. HELL nah. She proceeds to send me screenshots of dozens of thirsty texts this dude sent AFTER she had basically ceased communication. By then she got no choice but to ice u, and then SHE gotta be the 'bitch' smh. Now I could see how men might get they lil ego crushed when a girl say "dude I don't wanna bone u." But u wanna know the bigger issue? By the time she had to be blunt with u, she done sent 17 carefully worded ass texts tryina curve u but u so damn optimistic u turnt into Lloyd from Dumb and Dumber: "What do you think the chances are of a guy like you and a girl like me…ending up together?" Mary: "Not good." Lloyd: "You mean, not good like one out of a hundred?" Mary: "I’d say more like one out of a million." Lloyd: "So you’re telling me there’s a chance!" That's u bruh. Her: "ok I could probably maybe meet up for one drink but I gotta get home and wash my hair I have meetings tomorrow!" <- curve. Her: "haha that sounds fun but it's a hectic week for me 😐" <- curve. "Lol nice" <- literally never text me again please 🤗😂. Men y'all gotta understand if she like u, she gon let u know. U be like "aye baby u free Wednesday?" It don't matter if she free or not - if she fuck wit u, she gon do the mostest. "I'm actually in Milwaukee that afternoon for meetings but building in 90 minutes for the drive if I speed, I could come by at like 11 and tuck you in? I'll be in work clothes but I can sleep in one of your t shirts 🙃" <- Mikey, she likes you 😌😂. If I can leave u with one thing: LISTEN when she try to talk to u. HEAR what she saying not what u WANT to hear and she won't have to drop a bomb on u. Ya get me!! Bless up 😍😂😂😂 (📸: Reddit u-mascary)
        

            
            

                
                
                    So my lil homegirl text me saying "smash this dude keeps trying to get with me so I had to tell him I don't want to sleep with him and he went off." I said "baby why don't you slow-fade these guys don't be so direct lol". Um, nah. HELL nah. She proceeds to send me screenshots of dozens of thirsty texts this dude sent AFTER she had basically ceased communication. By then she got no choice but to ice u, and then SHE gotta be the 'bitch' smh. Now I could see how men might get they lil ego crushed when a girl say "dude I don't wanna bone u." But u wanna know the bigger issue? By the time she had to be blunt with u, she done sent 17 carefully worded ass texts tryina curve u but u so damn optimistic u turnt into Lloyd from Dumb and Dumber: "What do you think the chances are of a guy like you and a girl like me…ending up together?" Mary: "Not good." Lloyd: "You mean, not good like one out of a hundred?" Mary: "I’d say more like one out of a million." Lloyd: "So you’re telling me there’s a chance!" That's u bruh. Her: "ok I could probably maybe meet up for one drink but I gotta get home and wash my hair I have meetings tomorrow!" <- curve. Her: "haha that sounds fun but it's a hectic week for me 😐" <- curve. "Lol nice" <- literally never text me again please 🤗😂. Men y'all gotta understand if she like u, she gon let u know. U be like "aye baby u free Wednesday?" It don't matter if she free or not - if she fuck wit u, she gon do the mostest. "I'm actually in Milwaukee that afternoon for meetings but building in 90 minutes for the drive if I speed, I could come by at like 11 and tuck you in? I'll be in work clothes but I can sleep in one of your t shirts 🙃" <- Mikey, she likes you 😌😂. If I can leave u with one thing: LISTEN when she try to talk to u. HEAR what she saying not what u WANT to hear and she won't have to drop a bomb on u. Ya get me!! Bless up 😍😂😂😂 (📸: Reddit u-mascary): My sister got a new pup and they like
 to take her sailing
So my lil homegirl text me saying "smash this dude keeps trying to get with me so I had to tell him I don't want to sleep with him and he went off." I said "baby why don't you slow-fade these guys don't be so direct lol". Um, nah. HELL nah. She proceeds to send me screenshots of dozens of thirsty texts this dude sent AFTER she had basically ceased communication. By then she got no choice but to ice u, and then SHE gotta be the 'bitch' smh. Now I could see how men might get they lil ego crushed when a girl say "dude I don't wanna bone u." But u wanna know the bigger issue? By the time she had to be blunt with u, she done sent 17 carefully worded ass texts tryina curve u but u so damn optimistic u turnt into Lloyd from Dumb and Dumber: "What do you think the chances are of a guy like you and a girl like me…ending up together?" Mary: "Not good." Lloyd: "You mean, not good like one out of a hundred?" Mary: "I’d say more like one out of a million." Lloyd: "So you’re telling me there’s a chance!" That's u bruh. Her: "ok I could probably maybe meet up for one drink but I gotta get home and wash my hair I have meetings tomorrow!" <- curve. Her: "haha that sounds fun but it's a hectic week for me 😐" <- curve. "Lol nice" <- literally never text me again please 🤗😂. Men y'all gotta understand if she like u, she gon let u know. U be like "aye baby u free Wednesday?" It don't matter if she free or not - if she fuck wit u, she gon do the mostest. "I'm actually in Milwaukee that afternoon for meetings but building in 90 minutes for the drive if I speed, I could come by at like 11 and tuck you in? I'll be in work clothes but I can sleep in one of your t shirts 🙃" <- Mikey, she likes you 😌😂. If I can leave u with one thing: LISTEN when she try to talk to u. HEAR what she saying not what u WANT to hear and she won't have to drop a bomb on u. Ya get me!! Bless up 😍😂😂😂 (📸: Reddit u-mascary)
                    
                
            

            
            
        

    

    

        
Save