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a tree Is a Poem: zaynsamosa white person: eats chicken tikka masala once* i just... i feel so connected... to indian culture... I'm learning to speak islam.... check out my third eye..... chakra teaboot Every time see this. Every damn time. I'm immediately sucked back into my fuckin. Fuckin English lit class with Mr. Fuckass McShit. Mr. "Hit the gong to begin class", "Namaste, Children", "l wanna go backpacking in India to find my spiritual awakening and also my left burkinstock that I lost during a cedar sauna drum circle" ass bastard. "Do you want to share your poetry with the class to get in touch with your emotions" ass fucker. Mr. "Here's a photograph of a tribal shaman, describe him using nature words" asshole. Pretentious- ass, condescending motherfucker. "Do you want to tell us about your saddest memory?" "I dunno, sir. Are you giving me an option?" "No." "Then why are you asking" Every goddamn day. Fuck. "You seem tense." Oh, I seem tense? I seem tense. Well fuck, Professor Pillsbury, maybe l 'seem tense' because I walk into a room on five hours of sleep to the sound of a goddamn brass gong drilling through my brain and your seven- foot-nine, socks-and-sandals-wearing, patchouli- smelling ass immediately gravitates in my direction with some shit like "a tree......... Is a Poem" and I gotta sit here and politely tell you that No I'm Not Comfortable Telling The Class About A Time I Was Emotionally Vulnerable With A Loved One using words that sound like the way the color yellow smells. Maybe l don't wanna sit in a circle and hold hands with Brittney from Computer Sciences to "align our auras" or some shit Fuck. Fuuuuuuck. I swear to God, if I wanted to sing kumbaya' with a smelly old guy with gross facial hair who writes bad porn on the side, I'd go out to the parking lot and share a Hookah with Crazy Dan, the disgraced electrician. What, I don't wanna do an interpretive dance to represent the spiritual experience of eating Quinoa in a room full of ambivalent preteens and suddenly I'm the 'troubled youth' you need to Robin Williams "O Captain My Captain" your way into having a Paternal Bonding Moment powerful enough to Expand My Impressionable Young Mind and Turn My Life Around, you goddamn saint, you? Jesus Fucking Christ. You insufferable jackass. You're not "Enlightened", you rolled out of bed and ate half a pot brownie, wrote a sad song about a leaf, and strolled into class to ramble about your Spirit Animal for six hours straight before calling it a day. Holy Jesus goddamned Christ. Fucking Balls, sir. Holy Fucking Balls Source: zintersoldier #Teaboot 238,334 notes Sep 29th, 2018 a tree Is a Poem
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thiswebsitegavemethisusername: donnapaella: haiku-robot: trilllizard666: socialjust-ish: yellowjuice: i-ran-over-oprah: intensional: christi found bald :/ the drama continues suburban white moms are really the pinnacle of passive-aggresivenessย  Hugs and kisses, Helen she probably got it as a signature but itโ€™s still mad funny she probably got it as a signature but itโ€™s still mad funny ^Haiku^bot^9. I detect haikus with 5-7-5 format. Sometimes I make mistakes.Be my personal slave | PayPal | Patreon I laughed so hard like oh my god @peachespaddy : Follow @noahaustinpaul this is the funniest wrong number text i've ever gotten Twitter .ooo 4:29 PM 66% iMessage Today 4:28 PM Hi, Christi. It's Helen. I just wanted to let you know that if Brittney EVER pulls another stunt like that against my precious Caitlin again, you WILL be banned from the cul de-sac barbecue. Brittney's actions were despicable. Of course, she can't help what she learns from her mother. Hugs and Kisses, Helen The sender is not in your contact list. Report Junk IMessage the q w e r ty u o p 9 Z X C V 123 return thiswebsitegavemethisusername: donnapaella: haiku-robot: trilllizard666: socialjust-ish: yellowjuice: i-ran-over-oprah: intensional: christi found bald :/ the drama continues suburban white moms are really the pinnacle of passive-aggresivenessย  Hugs and kisses, Helen she probably got it as a signature but itโ€™s still mad funny she probably got it as a signature but itโ€™s still mad funny ^Haiku^bot^9. I detect haikus with 5-7-5 format. Sometimes I make mistakes.Be my personal slave | PayPal | Patreon I laughed so hard like oh my god @peachespaddy

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