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Ass, Bitch, and Fucking: dick-rider-dave-strider: strangelyobsessedwithstuff: vialsofbrightforgettingpowders: ALRIGHT MOTHERFUCKERS, TIME FOR SOME LEARNIN SO SIT OUR BITCH ASS DOWN AND GET OUT OUR NOTEPAD THIS SHIT RIGHT HERE IS SUGAR SCRUB. YEAH I KNOW YOUVE SEEN IT BEFORE BUT YOU DONT KNOW WHAT I KNOW AND THAT WHEN YOU USE IT WITH ONE OF THESE FUCKERS YOU WILL GET LEGS AND ARMS AND ANY OTHER SHIT YOU WANT THAT IS SO SOFT YOU WILL BE SHOVING IT IN THE FACE OF EVERYONE YOU KNOW AND ASKING THEM TO COMPARE IT TO THE TENDER PINK FLESH OF A NEWBORN SO GET YOURSELF SOME FUCKING WHITE SUGAR AND SOME CHEAP ASS OIL LIKE CANOLA OR SOME SHIT AND MIX THAT SHIT WITH TWO PARTS SUGAR AND ONE PART OIL( THAT MEANS TWICE AS MUCH SUGAR AS OIL BITCHES I USUALLY USE ONE CUP OF SUGAR AND DO SOME FUCKING MATH TO FIGURE OUT HOW MUCH OIL THAT IS) DROP A FEW DROPS OF VANILLA ESSENCE OR MAYBE SOME FUCKING LAVENDER OIL WHATEVER YOU WANNA SMELL LIKE. MIX IT UP REALLY GOOD MMMM SMELLS LIKE CAKE BATTER FUCK YEAH. NOW GET YOURSELF GOOD AND NAKED. REAL NAKED. PAMPER YOUR GODDESS-LIKE ASS WITH A BUBBLE BATH. TAKE ONE OF THOSE RAZORS YOU GOT AND SHAVE WHATEVER YOU LIKE TO SHAVE LEGS ARMS VAJAYJAY PITS I DONT FUCKING CARE. NOW GET OUT OF THAT GROSS HAIRY DIRT WATER AND SIT ON THE EDGE OF THAT THERE BATHTUB. TAKE A HANDFUL OF THAT SWEET GOOP AND RUB IT ALL OVER THAT SKIN OF YOURS(just dont use this stuff on or near your lady bits i put this in lower case because it is really important your love cavern does not like sugar uh uh no way its diabetic) RUB RUB RUB KEEP RUBBIN YEAH YOUR HANDS STARTING TO FEEL WEIRD GOOD BECAUSE ITS WORKING NOW TAKE THAT CHEAP-ASS DISPOSABLE RAZOR YOU HAVE AND SHAVE OFF THAT NASTY-ASS DEAD SKIN EWW ITS SO GROSS NO ITS NOT ITS YOUR OWN SKIN BUT ITS ALL GREY. RINSE OF THAT OILY STUFF BECAUSE YOUR SKIN AINT NO SLIP-N-SLIDE GOOD NOW FEEL YOUR NEWFOUND SOFT SKIN THAT WAS ONCE BURIED UNDER LAYERS OF DEAD FLAKES OF YOUR PAST SELF YOUR WELCOME MOTHERFUCKERS CLASS DISMISSED IVE BEEN LOOKING FOR THIS POST FOR AGESthanks for the tip karkat reference
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Apparently, Barcelona, and Chill: did you know? There's a song that's been proven to reduce anxiety by 65%. It's called Weightless by Macaroni Union, and it was specifically designed to slow your heart rate, reduce blood pressure, and lower cortisol levels. It's so effective that it's dangerous to drive while listening to it because it can make you drowsy. DIDYOUKNOWBLOG.COM d-structive: the-dm-diet-steve: suanpir: jackscarab: caw-caw-mothercluckers: did-you-kno: There’s a song that’s been proven to reduce anxiety by 65%. It’s called Weightless by Macaroni Union, and it was specifically designed to slow your heart rate, reduce blood pressure, and lower cortisol levels. It’s so effective that it’s dangerous to drive while listening to it because it can make you drowsy. Source Source 2 Source 3 YO O_O I knew within seconds that I’d heard this before. It was one of the first Tumblr posts I favorited. Sound therapists and Manchester band Marconi Union compiled the song. Scientists played it to 40 women and found it to be more effective at helping them relax than songs by Enya, Mozart and Coldplay.Weightless works by using specific rhythms, tones, frequencies and intervals to relax the listener. A continuous rhythm of 60 BPM causes the brainwaves and heart rate to synchronise with the rhythm: a process known as ‘entrainment’. Low underlying bass tones relax the listener and a low whooshing sound with a trance-like quality takes the listener into an even deeper state of calm.Dr David Lewis, one of the UK’s leading stress specialists said: “‘Weightless’ induced the greatest relaxation – higher than any of the other music tested. Brain imaging studies have shown that music works at a very deep level within the brain, stimulating not only those regions responsible for processing sound but also ones associated with emotions.”The study - commissioned by bubble bath and shower gel firm Radox Spa - found the song was even more relaxing than a massage, walk or cup of tea. So relaxing is the tune, apparently, that people are being Rex advised against listening to it while driving.The top 10 most relaxing tunes were: 1. Marconi Union - Weightless 2. Airstream - Electra 3. DJ Shah - Mellomaniac (Chill Out Mix) 4. Enya - Watermark 5. Coldplay - Strawberry Swing 6. Barcelona - Please Don’t Go 7. All Saints - Pure Shores 8. AdelevSomeone Like You 9. Mozart - Canzonetta Sull’aria 10. Cafe Del Mar - We Can Fly One of the comments suggests pairing it with Rainymood. The combined calm might be weaponized with adding this song and some crackling fire. When I was literally unable to sleep at all, my senior at work gave me this song to listen to! My wife uses this song when she’s having near-meltdown levels of anxiety right before bed and it helps her relax and shed some of that stress enough for her to attempt to lie down and sleep. Personally, it works with me. It gives you (me, at least) a vague sense of anxiety at the very begin, but then it disappears completely, as long you focus on the heartbeat sound.

d-structive: the-dm-diet-steve: suanpir: jackscarab: caw-caw-mothercluckers: did-you-kno: There’s a song that’s been proven to reduce...

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Being Alone, Charlie, and Facebook: toddler facebook from MOMMYSHORTS.com Ava B My mom thinks I'm going down for a nap when we get home. Bwahahaha. She's hilarious. Like Comment 2 minutes ago 15 toddlers like this. 1 minute ago Like 3 Luke A FYI- I convinced my mom I don't need a nap. Now she lets me watch TV every afternoon because SHE needs a break! WIN 23 seconds ago Like 14 Write a comment... Kara G I pooped in the bath tub while taking a bath last night and my mom had to scoop it up with a cup and flush it down the toilet. LMAO! Like Comment 4 minutes ago 12 toddlers like this Lila G I hope it wasn't one of my sippy cups, sis! 3 minutes ago via mobile Like s 2 Write a comment... Owen G Forgot the teacher's name at Gymboree today so called her Mommy. What's the big deal? Isn't that every woman's name? Like Comment 10 minutes ago 21 toddlers like this. Gillian H It's the woman in my house's name. 9 minutes ago Like 5 Thomas L Mine too! 5 minutes ago Like. Write a comment... Lee P My cat really looks like it needs it's tail pulled. Repeatedly. Like Comment 18 minutes ago 34 toddlers like this. Martin D So, here's the thing. I totally know how to use the potty. But Mommy keeps giving me treats if I make it seem like a surprise when I go. Psht. Diapers for life, yo. Like Comment 30 minutes ago 47 toddlers like this. Hannah W I stopped using diapers at 15 months. 22 minutes ago Like Charlie G UNLIKE 15 minutes ago Like 32 Write a comment.. KortneyA I opened all of my mom's tampons today and watched them expand in the toilet. It was awesome. You should all try this at home. Like Comment 34 minutes ago 16 toddlers like this. Cassie S Why did mommy walk into the laundry room?! Oh no, I don't think she's ever coming back! I'm going to be in the living room alone Like Comment 45 minutes ago 1 toddler likes this. Thomas L UPDATE: She came back. Sorry for the false alarm. 44 minutes ago Write a comment... Shelley B It's fun to ask for "no bubbles" once my bubble bath is ready. Like Comment 48 minutes ago 33 toddlers like this. Lucas N Is it bedtime yet? Because that's the time I like to announce I'm ready to eat my dinner Like Comment 1 hour ago 10 toddlers like this. Mark T I'm about to pretend I need to poop on the potty so... YES. 50 minutes ago Like 1 Write a comment... Nikki S Watch, I'm gonna ask for a red popsicle and when mom gives it to me, I'm going to scream 'I SAID PURPLE' and have a fit. Like Comment 1 hour ago 44 toddlers like this. Ella B Ha. I tried that yesterday with the blue sippy cup instead of the green one. SO MUCH FUN!!!! 54 minutes ago Like 4 Daniel N LOL. Moms are so easy to piss off 24 minutes ago Like- 23 Write a comment... MOMMYSHORTS.com you should probably go to TheMetaPicture.com srsfunny:If Toddlers Could Actually Post On Facebook

srsfunny:If Toddlers Could Actually Post On Facebook

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Ass, Bitch, and Fucking: ALRIGHT MOTHERFUCKERS, TIME FOR SOME LEARNIN SO SIT OUR BITCH ASS DOWN AND GET OUT OUR NOTEPAD THIS SHIT RIGHT HERE IS SUGAR SCRUB. YEAH I KKNOW YOUVE SEEN IT BEFORE BUT YOU DONT KNOW WHAT I KNOW AND THAT WHEN YOU USE IT WITH ONE OF THESE FUCKERS YOU WILL GET LEGS AND ARMS AND ANY OTHER SHIT YOU WANT THAT IS SO SOFT YOU WILL BE SHOVING IT IN THE FACE OF EVERYONE YOU KNOW AND ASKING THEM TO COMPARE IT TO THE TENDER PINK FLESH OF A NEWBORN SO GET YOURSELF SOME FUCKNG WHITE SUGAR AND SOME CHEAP ASS OIL LIKE CANOLA OR SOME SHIT AND MIX THAT SHIT WITH TWO PARTS SUGAR AND ONE PART OIL( THAT MEANS TWICE AS MUCH SUGAR AS OIL BITCHES I USUALLY USE ONE CUP OF SUGAR AND DO SOME FUCKING MATH TO FIGURE OUT HOW MUCH OIL THAT IS) DROP A FEW DROPS OF VANILLA ESSENCE OR MAYBE SOME FUCKING LAVENDER OIL WHATEVER YOU WANNA SMELL LIE、MIX IT UP REALLY GOOD MMMM SMELLS LIKE CAKE BATTER FUCK YEAH NOW GET YOURSELF GOOD AND NAKED, REAL NAKED PAMPER YOUR GODDESS-LIKE ASS WITH A BUBBLE BATH TAKE ONE OF THOSE RAZORS YOU GOT AND SHAVE WHATEVER YOU LIKE TO SHAVE LEGS ARMS VAJAY JAY PITS DONT FUCKING CARE NOW GET OUT OF THAT GROSS HAIRY DIRT WATER AND SIT ON THE EDGE OF THAT THERE BATHTUB TAKE A HANDFUL OF THAT SWEET GOOP AND RUB IT ALL OVER THAT SKIN OF YOURS ust dont use this stuff on or near your lady bits i put this in lower case because it is really important your love cavern does not like sugar uh uh no way its diabetic) RUB RUB RUB KEEP RUBBIN YEAH YOUR HANDS STARTING TO FEEL WEIRD GOOD BECAUSE ITS WORKING NOW TAKE THAT CHEAP-ASS DISPOSABLE RAZOR YOU HAVE AND SHAVE OFF THAT NASTY-ASS DEAD SKIN EWW ITS SO GROSS NO ITS NOT ITS YOUR OWN SKN BUT ITS ALL GREY RINSE OF THAT ONLY STUFF BECAUSE YOUR SKIN A NT NO SLIP-N-SUIDE GOOD NOW FEEL YOUR NEWFOUND SOFT SKIN THAT WAS ONCE BURIED UNDER LAYERS OF DEAD FLAKES OF YOUR PAST SELF YOUR WELCOME MOTHERFUCKERS CLASS DISMISSED VE BEEN LOOKING FOR THIS POST FOR AGES thanks for the ip karkat My wife just did this and has been running around the house screaming IM A FUCKING GODDESS Quagmire
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Being Alone, Bad, and Dancing: You Don't Need To Be In A Relationship To Enjoy Valentine's Day @balleralert You Don’t Need To Be In A Relationship To Enjoy Valentine’s Day - blogged by @peachkyss ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Valentine’s Day is not just for couples. If you want to enjoy, you can either do it alone or call up your girls and you ladies can do something together. Don’t let the day “couple’s day” bring you down. Just look at it as a day of being all about you and only you. Just because it’s Valentine’s Day, doesn’t mean that you have are exempt from celebrating this day of love. Here are a few things that you can do for yourself today! ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Treat Yourself- Enjoy a box of assorted chocolates and a glass of wine as a gift to yourself. Who said that chocolates had to come from someone else? Relax in a nice bubble bath, soft music, wine, and of course your box of chocolate. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Enjoy Some Relaxation- Spa days are great any time of the month, but what better time than on Valentine’s Day. Relax and let all of the stress of the world go, while enjoying a deep tissue massage, manicure, pedicure, and a facial. Who says you can’t look good for yourself? ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Girls Night Out- Get the girls together and go out for dinner and dancing! Nothing like drinks, girl talk and boy bashing to make you realize that being single isn’t half bad after all! ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Meet Someone New- Open yourself up to a new romance .Valentine’s Day isn’t just for those who have been in a relationship, it’s also for those who are looking to start one. Get out there and mingle, who knows you may meet the man of your dreams. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ It really doesn’t matter what you do, just don’t sit at home and mope around. Valentine’s Day is a day for lovers, those who’ve been in love and those who are looking for true love. Get out there and experience it! ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Happy Valentine’s Day!

You Don’t Need To Be In A Relationship To Enjoy Valentine’s Day - blogged by @peachkyss ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Valentine’s Day is not just for coup...

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Af, Alive, and Blessed: If we're in a Relationship; we can hangout just like this at home. We could spend $O.00 on each other; I'll still feel like the Happiest and most Blessed Man alive 700 HOUSE af CARDS REALRELATIONSHIPGOALS❤️ ____________________________________________ Simple things do it for me "WHEN IN A RELATIONSHIP".... My homies can hit me up to go out; only thing I want to do is take some food OUT & cook together because to me that WORKS OUT just fine.... BUT if we both been grinding all week? Say no more Mama we can ORDER OUT, then PICK OUT a movie & then have our own PIG OUT & BUG OUT watching funny-romantic movies.... The club, motorcycle scene, chilling on the block etc... SIMPLY don't compare to giving my Woman a full body massage, wine, bubble bath, cuddling & then rubbing her head until She falls OUT sleeping... PRICE OF OUR NIGHT to others $0.00 to materialistic & limelight seeking individuals but to me $PRICELESS💯♥️ RAISEYOURSTANDARDS YouGottaSpeakThingsIntoExistence ____________________________________________ ▪️PLEASE TAG QUEENS & KINGS WHO NEED THIS REMINDER ____________________________________________ STOPWHATYOUREDOINGRIGHTNOW For QUOTES-MESSAGES about LIFE & LOVE Follow One of the REALEST IG PAGE ever: FollowTheONLYSilentlySpokenProject ➕FOLLOWIG:@SilentlySpokenProject AMANWHOACTUALLYGETSIT💯 ____________________________________________ ITSAMANSJOBTOFINDHISQUEEN💯 REMAINSINGLEUNTILUKNOITSREAL YOUGOTTASPEAKTHINGSINTOEXISTENCE PATIENTLYAWAITTHELOVEYOUDESERVE HAPPILYAFTERONEDAY FORHER LASTOFADYINGBREED YOUDESERVEBETTER EXCUSESNOTSOLDHERESORRY EXCUSESNOTSOLDORACCEPTED ITTAKESCOURAGETOLOVE ITTAKESCOURAGETOLOVEAGAIN SWYD AMANWHOACTUALLYGETSIT SILENTLYSPOKENFROMTHEHEART SILENTLYSPOKENPROJECT SSP THEONLYSSP LOVEQUOTES MRISAYWHATOTHERSWONT ITELLTHETRUTHNOTYOURTRUTH

REALRELATIONSHIPGOALS❤️ ____________________________________________ Simple things do it for me "WHEN IN A RELATIONSHIP".... My homies can h...

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Bucket List, Friends, and Fucking: patrickwsawyer: ramessesxiii: chirotus: geekgirlsmash: spookyaddiction: motherfuckingurl: powerviolent: A CLOUD FELL? Snow? that is bubble soap. someone has made a tragic mistake Let me tell you a story. My mom had a hot tub, she traded a refrigerator for it. One day the water needed changed, and I went to her, the darling teenager that I was, and said, “Mom, can we put bubble bath in the hot tub?” She looked at me like I’d lost my damned mind, a look that I got from my mom a lot. “But, mom, we’re going to be changing the water!,” I insisted.  She told me I could, so I called all of my friends, because dear god I was putting bubble bath in the fucking hot tub, and this might be the best thing I’d done in my entire life. And with a full size bottle of bubble bath in hand we all got in the hot tub, I upended the whole bottle, and turned on the jets.  The bubbles started rising at an alarming rate, soon I could see nothing but bubbles because they’d engulfed my head. There was much laughter as we all got buried in the foam. After awhile I finally stood up. There were three feet of solid bubbles towering above the hot tub, the deck looked about like the picture above, there were bubbles in the trees, and wafting into my neighbors’ lawns. Everything was bubbles, and to date it still might be the best thing I’ve ever done in my life.  I’m adding this to my bucket list This picture was your doing wasn’t it Seeing as the bubbles are coming out of what seems to be the front door… I shudder to think of the inside of the house.
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