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{ funnytumblr textposts funnytextpost tumblr funnytumblrpost tumblrfunny followme tumblrfunny textpost tumblrpost haha}: All these posts about breadsticks make me laugh and cringe because: frostyginger When was 15 I was on a trip with Ag studies group we went to an Olive Garden, had never been to an Olive Garden before and I am a great bread enthusiast so when the waitress put this basket of delicious-sticks in front of me I was like holy shit' and ate like 10. l started shoving them into my purse to save for later, and the waitress had to keep bringing baskets of breadsticks because they were disappearing (into my purse). There were a lot of guys on that trip and I figured yeah these teenage dudes could be in theory eating all these breadsticks' so l thought I had a bulletproof cover Fast forward to when we are leaving, I get stopped by the manager and the hostess and they ask to look in my purse. Cue my "oh shit busted face and a grudging handing over of my bulging purse, to which they opened and started pulling out an obscene amount of breadsticks and laying them on the counter while the hostess counted them. actually had no idea how many breadsticks I'd had in there and when the hostess got up to 40 l was still convinced l was going to jail but oh my god l had 40 breadsticks in there so l was kind of impressed with myself. The hostess kept counting Forty. Seven Forty seven breadsticks was the total they found. (I had another two very squished and folded up in a zipped side pocket that they never looked in) They then took my picture and politely asked me to stay the fuck away from their restaurant as my picture would be posted on their "restricted list. To this day, 6 fucking years later, l have never gone back to any Olive Garden, because some part of me believes that some eagle eyed waitress will recognize me from a wanted poster for the Breadstick Bandit and l'll have to explain to my mom why Olive Garden put me in prison { funnytumblr textposts funnytextpost tumblr funnytumblrpost tumblrfunny followme tumblrfunny textpost tumblrpost haha}
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Anon Gets Balls Tangled: Anonymous 04/06/16 (Wed)23:18:52 No. 678088673 678088761 678088935 678089259 678080680 (OP be 18 y/o me have new gf >7/10 blonde, cute little tits, decent ass dumb as fucking nails she told me once she she was a "republicist" cute and sweet though, so i let it slide anyway double date at my house one night while my parents are gone for the weekend watch movies, eat pizza, sw n my pool shit was so cash eventually, my buddy and his gf go to my sisters room to fuck-a-luck-a-ding-dong suggest that me and my gf do the same she says she wants to finish her pizza first okay fine >we awkwardly sit for half an hour while she eats can hear my buddy having the best sex of his life in the next room finally she grabs me by the hand and we go to my room cont Anonymous 04/06/16 (Wed)23:23:43 No. 678089259 678088673 We are in my room lights are off, we start making out >strip down to my briefs, flexing what little muscle i had she loved it >she gets down to her bra and thong she looks great in underwear we start kissing more >i go to unhook her bra >she pulls back all offended and scared >uhwhat jpg >shrug it off, start kissing more >go to put my hand in her panties >she pulls my hand away >isits omethingifuckingsaid. png >push her head down to start gettin the blowy on she says "no, not yet. we've only been dating for a month. i want to get to know you better sigh, and agree that thats okay >am obviously annoyed >she goes "but i can do other things for you! cont. Anonymous 04/06/16 (Wed)23:28:18 No. 678089797 678089259 agree, thinking im about to get a handy she lays me down starts kissing my neck shits getting hot again she then lifts up gives me a sexy look then proceeds to grab my collective bulge and squeeze it over the underwear, like my balls and dick and everything, and just starts mushing it looks at me cocky and winks while tying my balls together and bending my dick in two she was so sweet, i didnt want to tell her she looked fucking retarded also it started to hurt >thishastostop gif i tell her im going to cum she gets all nervous >i tell her to close her eyes >she fucking does it >i spit on the outside of my bulge and rub it in really quick >i stand up, go "wash off and come back she lays down next to me >"see? i told you we could still do stuff >i had to go to the doctor the next day to get my balls checked out they got tangled we broke up a few weeks later sweet girl, though Anon Gets Balls Tangled
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