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Being Alone, Booty, and Cats: RT This baby boy wasfoun food and diapers onacoldwinter night in Obninsk, Russia d with a bag containing baby Masha,the Cat, Saved the babyis life by curling around him and shielding!himtromlbelowitreezingtemperatures By the time paramedics responded totake thechild'toa hospital, Mashalhad grown protective of him, running after the baby and trvingttoljumplintothe ambulance afterhim baenemy: neurodivergent-crow: jenniferrpovey: goaliesarethebest: pon-raul: wewill-tryagain: dendritic-trees: booty-uprooter: asryakino: srsfunny: Masha The Hero They forgot the part where the ambulance actually stopped to let the cat in oh good I was worried What a good cat. What a kind cat. How can anyone not love cats they are so good and loving. they also forgot the part where they only found the baby because masha was screaming her head off bc she knew this baby was in danger. she went around outside the alley the next morning and yelled at passerby until she got one to follow her to the baby. she kept him warm all night and then made sure someone found him. she was adopted after this bc she was a stray and is in a loving home and is a hero Hero cat Thank you, Masha, you’re such a good girl. See. Kittens can’t regulate their own body temperature. That’s why they pile up. Cats see us as colony members. Masha saw a kitten that was on its own, no mommy, no other kittens to cuddle with. She instinctively knew that was a cold kitten. She knew that a kitten alone on a cold night was very likely to die. Because a kitten would have died too. So, all she was doing was what any good colony member does - protecting the abandoned kitten. Then when the abandoned kitten’s mommy didn’t come back, she called the rest of the colony for help. People have this bizarre idea that housecats don’t have a social sense. They do, and it saved this kid’s life. And possibly Masha’s too, as life on the streets is dangerous for a kitty. We say “good dog” all the time, but Masha was being a very, very good cat…not just by human moral standards but by feline ones. Jackson Galaxy needs to do a My Cat From Heaven segment on her anyone who says cats are ‘evil’ can go choke honestly

baenemy: neurodivergent-crow: jenniferrpovey: goaliesarethebest: pon-raul: wewill-tryagain: dendritic-trees: booty-uprooter: asryakin...

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Alive, Beard, and Children: feniczoroark: minority-cubed: princemetalthunder: skrill-cosby: drucila616: How Do Court Reporters Keep Straight Faces?These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place.ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?WITNESS: He said, ‘Where am I, Cathy?’ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?WITNESS: My name is Susan!_______________________________ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.____________________________________________ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?WITNESS: No, I just lie there.____________________________________________ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?WITNESS: July 18th.ATTORNEY: What year?WITNESS: Every year._____________________________________ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which.ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?WITNESS: Forty-five years._________________________________ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?WITNESS: I forget..ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?___________________________________________ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?____________________________________ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?WITNESS: He’s 20, much like your IQ.___________________________________________ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?WITNESS: Are you shitting me?_________________________________________ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?WITNESS: Getting laid____________________________________________ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: How many were boys?WITNESS: None.ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?____________________________________________ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?WITNESS: By death..ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?WITNESS: Take a guess.___________________________________________ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beardATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I’m going with male._____________________________________ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.______________________________________ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight._________________________________________ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?WITNESS: Oral…_________________________________________ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PMATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.____________________________________________ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?______________________________________And last:ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?WITNESS: No..ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law. oh my god these are great fuck this is like reading a jokes and not actual quotes The last one is how I feel about all my schoolmates I can feel the frustration
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80s, Apparently, and Books: ladylisa: gemfyre: lauralandons: thereadersmuse: jehovahhthickness: lightning-st0rm: pearlmito: smootymormonhelldream: stripedsilverfeline: anti-clerical: ramirezbundydahmer: When the Nazi concentration camps were liberated by the Allies, it was a time of great jubilation for the tens of thousands of people incarcerated in them. But an often forgotten fact of this time is that prisoners who happened to be wearing the pink triangle (the Nazis’ way of marking and identifying homosexuals) were forced to serve out the rest of their sentence. This was due to a part of German law simply known as “Paragraph 175” which criminalized homosexuality. The law wasn’t repealed until 1969. This should be required learning, internationally.  You need to know this. You need to remember this. This is not something to swept under the carpet nor be forgotten.  Never. Too many have died for the way they have loved. That needs stop now.  Make it stop?  I did a report on this in my World History class my sophomore year of high school. It was incredibly unsettling. My teacher shown the class this. Mostly everyone in the class felt uncomfortable.  I have reblogged this in the past, but it is so ironic that it comes across my dash right now. I a currently working as a docent at my city’s Holocaust Education Center (( I say currently because I’ve also done research and translation for them )) and out current exhibit is one on loan from the United States Holocaust Memorial Museum ((USHMM)). This is a little known historical fact that Paragraph 175 was not repealed after the war and those convicted under Nazi laws as a danger to society because they were gay were not released because they had be convicted in a court of law. There was no liberation or justice for them as they weren’t considered criminals, or even victims for that matter. They were criminals who remained persecuted and ostracized and kept on the fringes of society for decades after the war had been won. Paragraph175 wasn’t actually repealed until 1994. And it was only in May 2002, that the German parliament completed legislation to pardon all homosexuals convicted under Paragraph175 during the Nazi era. History has forgotten about these men and women — please educate yourselves so this does not happen again. Remember this history. Remember them. @mindlesshumor ok how the fuck did I miss this when I’ve studied The Holocaust like nobody’s business??? wtf Because the history we have left regarding it is literally the contents of this first hand account. It is a thin little book. When I first opened it, I wondered why it was so thin. Why there wasn’t other books like it. Other first hand accounts. By the time I finished it, I didn’t wonder anymore. Further reading: I, Pierre Seel, Deported Homosexual: A Memoir of Nazi Terror by Pierre Seel An Underground Life: Memoirs of a Gay Jew in Nazi Berlin by Gad Beck The Pink Triangle: The Nazi War Against Homosexuals by Richard Plant Branded By The Pink Triangle by Ken Setterington Bent by Martin Sherman (fiction; however, it’s often credited with bringing attention to gay Holocaust victims for the first time since the war ended) This is one of the memorial sculptures in Dachau.  It was erected in the early 60s and is missing the pink triangles.  Because in the early 60s, homosexuality was still a crime in most of the world.Our tour guide explained why the pink triangles have not been added later - if they were, then folks would assume that they had always been there.  This way people ask “why aren’t there pink triangles?” and somebody can explain why - because in some ways, the rest of the world was as bass-ackwards as Nazi Germany. Apparently, this wasnt taught in schools in the 70s-80s, cuz when I mentioned it to my mom, she had no idea that gays were held in concentration camps. She thought it was just jewish people.
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Apparently, Family, and Head: wwwoslightlywarped.com sixpenceee: The Witch of Joshua Ward House This Georgian and Federal style building was constructed by Joshua Ward, a wealthy merchant sea captain, in the late 1780s on the remaining foundations of former sheriff George Corwin’s house on Washington Street in Salem, Massachusetts. Corwin was a bloody figure whose zeal added to the unfortunate events surrounding Salem in the late 1600s. Nicknamed ‘The Strangler’ after his preferred torture (which included tying his prone victims’ necks to their ankles until the blood ran from their noses), he is said to have been responsible for many of the ‘witches’’ deaths, including that of Giles Corey who was crushed to death by placing heavy stones on his chest in order to extract a confession. Legend states that just before he died, Corey cursed the sheriff and all sheriffs that follow in his wake, for Corwin’s despicable acts. It should be noted here that every sheriff since Corey uttered his curse died while in office or had been “forced out of his post as the result of a heart or blood ailment.” Corwin himself died of a heart attack in 1696, only about four years after the end of the trials.  By the time of his death, Corwin was so despised that his family had to bury him in the cellar of their house to avoid desecration of the corpse by the public. In the early 1980s Carlson Realty bought the House with the intention of turning it into their headquarters. After moving in, a realtor by the name of Dale Lewinski began the task of taking photographs of the staff members to add to a welcome display.  Lewinski used a Polaroid camera to snap the head-and-shoulders, passport-style pictures. It was the photograph of a colleague by the name of Lorraine St. Peter that caused a stir. The Polaroid was developed and, instead of showing St. Peter, it appeared to depict a frightening image: a strange, black-haired, feminine figure. St. Peter was nowhere to be seen on the snap. The photograph has, apparently, not been cropped at all. St. Peter has been entirely replaced by the apparition. 

sixpenceee: The Witch of Joshua Ward House This Georgian and Federal style building was constructed by Joshua Ward, a wealthy merchant sea ...

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Bodies , Taken, and The Worst: and come to heoven Chden thg bestsh2 With m Uu? thecrimsonarcher: jmichealg: sixpenceee: Letter from a trapped coal miner saying goodbye to his wife, Tennessee 1902. His name was Jacob Vowell. Elbert was his 14 year old son.  Man… heartbreaking. The tragedy at the Fraterville Mine in Anderson County, one of the worst mining disasters in Tennessee history. Out of the 216 men who were killed during the explosion, only 89 bodies could be identified and were taken to the Fraterville Cemetery, where they buried in what was called the “Miner’s Circle”. If anyone reading this gets the time, look for the other Fraterville letters. By the time you finish reading them all, you’ll feel dead inside. There was one in particular that haunts me to this day, where one man wrote that he was feeling sleepy and was about lay down. His brain was deprived of oxygen and he was suffocating to death and that’s why he was so tired. He probably died right after finishing his note. Another man lamented he would not see his newborn baby and apologized to his wife for leaving her as a widow. A letter to a son simply read, “Never work in the mines”. The explosion was triggered by a lamp on a miner’s helmet. Back in those days, they didn’t have battery powered headlights like they do now. They had to use candles. When the flame from the candles came into contact with methane gas that had built up in one of the mine shafts that had not been properly ventilated, it blew the mine to hell and back and destroyed some of the town in the process.

thecrimsonarcher: jmichealg: sixpenceee: Letter from a trapped coal miner saying goodbye to his wife, Tennessee 1902. His name was Jacob V...

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Future, God, and Head: avintagekiss24: elinimate: sursumursa: gendervilleusa: marguerite26: kk-maker: 2spoopy5you: lohelim: winterthirst: sabacc: Steve Rogers did, in fact, realize that something was off when he saw the outline of the woman’s odd bra (a push-up bra, he would later learn), but being an officer and a gentleman, he said that it was the game that gave the future away. #EXCUSE ME MA’AM BUT YOUR TITTIES ARE NOT CONES I’M CALLING BULLSHIT (via) No, see, this scene is just amazing. The costume department deserves so many kudos for this, it’s unreal, especially given the fact that they pulled off Peggy pretty much flawlessly. 1) Her hair is completely wrong for the 40’s. No professional/working woman  would have her hair loose like that. Since they’re trying to pass this off as a military hospital, Steve would know that she would at least have her hair carefully pulled back, if maybe not in the elaborate coiffures that would have been popular. 2) Her tie? Too wide, too long. That’s a man’s tie, not a woman’s. They did, however, get the knot correct as far as I can see - that looks like a Windsor. 3) That. Bra. There is so much clashing between that bra and what Steve would expect (remember, he worked with a bunch of women for a long time) that it has to be intentional. She’s wearing a foam cup, which would have been unheard of back then. It’s also an exceptionally old or ill-fitting bra - why else can you see the tops of the cups? No woman would have been caught dead with misbehaving lingerie like that back then, and the soft satin cups of 40’s lingerie made it nearly impossible anyway. Her breasts are also sitting at a much lower angle than would be acceptable in the 40’s. Look at his eyes. He knows by the time he gets to her hair that something is very, very wrong. so what you are saying is S.H.E.I.L.D. has a super shitty costume division…. Nope, Nick Fury totally did this on purpose. There’s no knowing what kind of condition Steve’s in, or what kind of person he really is, after decades of nostalgia blur the reality and the long years in the ice (after a plane crash and a shitload of radiation) do their work. (Pre-crash Steve is in lots of files, I’m sure. Nick Fury does not trust files.) So Fury instructs his people to build a stage, and makes sure that the right people put up some of the wrong cues. Maybe the real Steve’s a dick, or just an above-average jock; maybe he had a knack for hanging out with real talent. Maybe he hit his head too hard on the landing and he’s not gonna be Captain anymore. On the flipside, if he really is smart, then putting him in a standard, modern hospital room and telling him the truth is going to have him clamming up and refusing to believe a goddamn thing he hears for a really long time. The real question here is, how long it does it take for the man, the myth, the legend to notice? What does he do about it? How long does he wait to get his bearings, confirm his suspicions, and gather information before attempting busting out? Turns out the answer’s about forty-five seconds. Sometimes clever posts die a quiet death in the abyss of the unreblogged. Some clever posts get attention, get comments, get better. Then there’s this one which I’ve watched evolve into a thing of brilliance. #his little jaw twitch well done chris ( @thewomaninthetanjacket ) Oh shit I hadn’t noticed that, god this just gets better and better. I love everything about this. @greenbergsays I didn’t even notice any of this until read this thread. Woah.
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Ass, Bitch, and Crazy: v171 One time I was playing the sims and I wanted to make me and mike but I wanted to make us separately and have us meet. But when I moved into my house, I had this sexy ass neighbor. I figured I could have a fling with him and break it off and get with Mike later but then the neighbors kid got attached to me and I couldn't just end it whenI was so close to his daughter. I really cared about him too So the only thing I could do was have it end in tragedy. That way l wouldn't have to break up with the guy and I could adopt his daughter to stay close to her. He passed away peacefully on fire in the kitchen. Now in previous games, when a kid is taken away by CPS, the next kid you adopt is the same kid. Welp that didn't carry over into sims 4 so the daughter ended up being taken away and erased from the game by the great sims deity I'm a sentimental man, so I kept neighbor mans tombstone around I'd occasionally chat with his ghost, but he seemed cold to me. I can't help but thinking he was a bit mad his daughter no longer existed But this escalated once I started seeing Mike. His ethereal visits became more frequent and more hostile, usually breaking my electronics or creating a mess. But he went overboard when he started the fire Being a sim the died in a fire, his ghost had certain abilities specific to his death (setting fires). He got pissed because l kissed Mike so he set my couch on fire that ended up barricading us in the bedroom Now I couldn't find the fire alarm in buy mode and I hadn't had the foresight to predict my spiteful ghost died-in-a-fire ex boyfriend would be an afterlife arsonist to care about it that much so a lot of the house had burned by the time I could get the FD there After having almost nothing covered by insurance (thanks Obama) Mike sat me down to have a talk with me. While I couldn't understand him, I imagine he said "What the fuck you need to deal with your crazy ass ex boyfriend ghost. This never would have happened if you weren't a thirst little sim bitch and dated me first." I approached the grave. It was time to release him. He was waiting for me. He knew this was the end. That after this, there was no coming back from the afterlife. I know he tried to kill me, and he knows I got his daughter deleted, but at that moment, it was just like old times. Telling each other jokes 27 times in a row until he would have sex with me We had a final ghostly embrace and he was gone. I sold his tombs tone for 300 bucks and bought a microwave que-mystery l enioved this more than the last season of AHS breefolk-hates-staff "He died peacefully on fire in the kitchen." redcresent "I sold his tombstone for 300 bucks and bought a microwave" I love the sims This post was an adventure
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America, Charlie, and News: Charlie Griffith Thursday at 9:28 AM So Captain America's shield, perhaps the greatest symbol he has, is made from stolen Wakandan vibrainium. I don't know of many better metaphors in the world. Like Comment Share O You, Ashante Lucombe and 713 others theamazingsallyhogan: 17mul: mighty-mouth: Colonizers gone colonize. 😂😂 @lmsig In December of 1940, America still hadn’t entered the war. There were a lot of Americans - such as the 800,000 paying members of the America First Committee - who looked at fascists massacring their way through Europe and declared “that’s not our problem.” Captain America was created by two poor Jewish Americans, Joe Simon and Jack Kirby, with the specific intent of trying to convince Americans that entering the war was the right thing to do.  It wasn’t easy - Kirby went far beyond what was expected of artists at the time, penciling the entire issue with a deadline that would have been difficult for a two-man crew to pull off.   Captain America punched Hitler right on the cover, at a time when a majority of Americans just didn’t feel like doing anything decisive against the Nazis. Kirby and Simon faced considerable resistance for their creation, including steady hate mail and outright death threats.   Once, while Jack was in the Timely office, a call came from someone in the lobby. When Kirby answered, the caller threatened Jack with bodily harm if he showed his face. Kirby told the caller he would be right down, but by the time Jack reached street level, there was no one to be found. Both creators enlisted after America entered the war.  Kirby, as an artist, was called upon to do the extremely dangerous work of scouting ahead to draw maps.  He also went on to co-create Black Panther in 1966. They didn’t create Captain America to be an accurate depiction of America-As-It-Is.  The character was meant to inspire and embolden, to show America-As-It-Should-Be. The subject of where the Vibranium for the shield came from actually never came up for decades of comics, until it was finally addressed by Black Panther’s writer, Christopher Priest, in 2001.  Priest never shied away from acknowledging America’s racism, but he also understood that Captain America represented an ideal, intended to inspire Americans to be better.  The story mixed together a “present day” discussion between Cap and T’Challa with flashbacks to when Cap met the Black Panther ruling Wakanda during World War II. FLASHBACK: PRESENT: PRESENT - FLASHBACK PRESENT: The Vibranium was given, freely, by one good man to another good man. It is right to rage against the injustices done by our governments.  We must call them out, and we must fight for what’s right. But if you can’t even stand to see the symbols created to inspire people to be better, and rail against those, then you’re just confusing cynicism for realism.
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Alive, Beard, and Calvin Johnson: dail alexander Follow drucila616 How Do Court Reporters Keep Straight Faces? These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning? WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy? ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you? WITNESS: My name is Susan! ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active? WITNESS: No, Ijust lie there ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth? WITNESS: July 18th ATTORNEY: What year? WITNESS: Every year ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you? WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you? WITNESS: Forty-five years ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at al WITNESS: Yes ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory? WITNESS: I forget.. ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot? ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning? WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam? ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how I5 WITNESS: He's 20, much like your IQ. ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken? WITNESS: Are you shitting me? ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time? WITNESS: Getting laid ATTORNEY: She had three children, right? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: How many were boys? WITNESS: None. ATTORNEY: Were there any girls? WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney? ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated? WITNESS: By death. ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated? WITNESS: Take a guess ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual? WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female? WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney? WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people? WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to? WITNESS: Oral.. ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time? WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished. ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample? WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question? And last Stitch ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor? WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have stili been alive, nevertheless? WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law skrill-cosby oh my god these are great fuck this is like reading a jokes and not actual quotes Source 1,411,980 notes Witness v. Attorney: Dawn of Jokes
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Alive, Beard, and Children: princemetalthunder: skrill-cosby: drucila616: How Do Court Reporters Keep Straight Faces?These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place.ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?WITNESS: He said, ‘Where am I, Cathy?’ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?WITNESS: My name is Susan!_______________________________ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.____________________________________________ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?WITNESS: No, I just lie there.____________________________________________ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?WITNESS: July 18th.ATTORNEY: What year?WITNESS: Every year._____________________________________ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which.ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?WITNESS: Forty-five years._________________________________ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?WITNESS: I forget..ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?___________________________________________ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?____________________________________ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?WITNESS: He’s 20, much like your IQ.___________________________________________ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?WITNESS: Are you shitting me?_________________________________________ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?WITNESS: Getting laid____________________________________________ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: How many were boys?WITNESS: None.ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?____________________________________________ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?WITNESS: By death..ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?WITNESS: Take a guess.___________________________________________ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beardATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I’m going with male._____________________________________ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.______________________________________ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight._________________________________________ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?WITNESS: Oral…_________________________________________ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PMATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.____________________________________________ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?______________________________________And last:ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?WITNESS: No..ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law. oh my god these are great fuck this is like reading a jokes and not actual quotes
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