🔥 Popular | Latest

karadin: undead-tealeaves: derpyslurpy-da-derp-master: simonsayssuckmytaint: catholicorprotestant: socialistexan: wynterroseskye: terrorfoster: gogomrbrown: Lovely. What a punch This is assault and illegal. He may spew nothing but bile but his right to free speech must be protected Ain’t nobody throwing him in prison, so his freedom of speech isn’t being violated. Also, learn what speech is exempt from it, like, for instance, fighting words. Words that by their very utterance inflict injury, and speech that incites an immediate breach of the peace, kind of like, yknow, saying you want to exterminate all of their kind of people. Basically, talk shit get hit is 100% protected. I swear people that yell about Freeze Peach have no idea what it means. If you provoke someone and then they act on that provication, then it’s on you, not them. Freedom of speech just means the government can’t tell you what to say.  Reblog to piss off a Nazi! Nazism is a call for genocide, a literal incitement to violence. That punch didnt start the fight but it did finish it. Hate speech is not protected motherfuckers Beautiful Punch. Wonderful and Flawless execution of the classical move “The Nazi Puncher”10/10. Absolutely would watch again. @feniczoroark : karadin: undead-tealeaves: derpyslurpy-da-derp-master: simonsayssuckmytaint: catholicorprotestant: socialistexan: wynterroseskye: terrorfoster: gogomrbrown: Lovely. What a punch This is assault and illegal. He may spew nothing but bile but his right to free speech must be protected Ain’t nobody throwing him in prison, so his freedom of speech isn’t being violated. Also, learn what speech is exempt from it, like, for instance, fighting words. Words that by their very utterance inflict injury, and speech that incites an immediate breach of the peace, kind of like, yknow, saying you want to exterminate all of their kind of people. Basically, talk shit get hit is 100% protected. I swear people that yell about Freeze Peach have no idea what it means. If you provoke someone and then they act on that provication, then it’s on you, not them. Freedom of speech just means the government can’t tell you what to say.  Reblog to piss off a Nazi! Nazism is a call for genocide, a literal incitement to violence. That punch didnt start the fight but it did finish it. Hate speech is not protected motherfuckers Beautiful Punch. Wonderful and Flawless execution of the classical move “The Nazi Puncher”10/10. Absolutely would watch again. @feniczoroark
Save
awesomage: The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook: Man Skills : |HOW TO CRASH-LAND A PLANE ON WATER These instructions apply to small passenger propeller planes (not commercial airliners). 1 Take your place at the controls. If the plane has dual controls, the pilot will be in the left seat. Sit on the right. If the plane has only one set of controls and the pilot is unconscious, remove the pilot from the pilot's seat. Securely fasten your seat belt. 2 Put on the radio headset (if there is one) and call for help. There will be a control button on the yoke (the plane's steering wheel) or a CB-like microphone on the instrument panel. Depress the button to talk release it to listen. Say "Mayday! Mayday!" and give your situation, destination, and plane call numbers (which should be printed on the top of the instru- ment panel). If you get no response, try again on the emergency channel, 121.5. The person on the other end should be able to talk you through proper landing procedures. If you cannot reach someone to talk you through the landing process, you will have to do it alone. beading airspeed indicator altimeter fuel gauge yoke throttle landing gear 3 Get your bearings and identify the instruments. YOKE. This is the steering wheel, and it should be in front of you. The yoke turns the plane and controls its pitch. Pull back on the column to bring the nose up, push forward to point it down. Turn it left to turn the plane left, turn it right to turn the plane right. The yoke is very sensitive-move it only an inch or two in either direction to turn the plane. While cruising, the nose of the plane should be about three inches below the horizon. ф awesomage: The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook: Man Skills

awesomage: The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook: Man Skills

Save
awesomage: The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook: Man Skills : |HOW TO CRASH-LAND A PLANE ON WATER These instructions apply to small passenger propeller planes (not commercial airliners). 1 Take your place at the controls. If the plane has dual controls, the pilot will be in the left seat. Sit on the right. If the plane has only one set of controls and the pilot is unconscious, remove the pilot from the pilot's seat. Securely fasten your seat belt. 2 Put on the radio headset (if there is one) and call for help. There will be a control button on the yoke (the plane's steering wheel) or a CB-like microphone on the instrument panel. Depress the button to talk release it to listen. Say "Mayday! Mayday!" and give your situation, destination, and plane call numbers (which should be printed on the top of the instru- ment panel). If you get no response, try again on the emergency channel, 121.5. The person on the other end should be able to talk you through proper landing procedures. If you cannot reach someone to talk you through the landing process, you will have to do it alone. beading airspeed indicator altimeter fuel gauge yoke throttle landing gear 3 Get your bearings and identify the instruments. YOKE. This is the steering wheel, and it should be in front of you. The yoke turns the plane and controls its pitch. Pull back on the column to bring the nose up, push forward to point it down. Turn it left to turn the plane left, turn it right to turn the plane right. The yoke is very sensitive-move it only an inch or two in either direction to turn the plane. While cruising, the nose of the plane should be about three inches below the horizon. ф awesomage: The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook: Man Skills

awesomage: The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook: Man Skills

Save
undead-tealeaves: derpyslurpy-da-derp-master: simonsayssuckmytaint: catholicorprotestant: socialistexan: wynterroseskye: terrorfoster: gogomrbrown: Lovely. What a punch This is assault and illegal. He may spew nothing but bile but his right to free speech must be protected Ain’t nobody throwing him in prison, so his freedom of speech isn’t being violated. Also, learn what speech is exempt from it, like, for instance, fighting words. Words that by their very utterance inflict injury, and speech that incites an immediate breach of the peace, kind of like, yknow, saying you want to exterminate all of their kind of people. Basically, talk shit get hit is 100% protected. I swear people that yell about Freeze Peach have no idea what it means. If you provoke someone and then they act on that provication, then it’s on you, not them. Freedom of speech just means the government can’t tell you what to say.  Reblog to piss off a Nazi! Nazism is a call for genocide, a literal incitement to violence. That punch didnt start the fight but it did finish it. : ooo Verizon LTE 4:27 PM 22 mins Just watched a Nazi get knocked the fuck out undead-tealeaves: derpyslurpy-da-derp-master: simonsayssuckmytaint: catholicorprotestant: socialistexan: wynterroseskye: terrorfoster: gogomrbrown: Lovely. What a punch This is assault and illegal. He may spew nothing but bile but his right to free speech must be protected Ain’t nobody throwing him in prison, so his freedom of speech isn’t being violated. Also, learn what speech is exempt from it, like, for instance, fighting words. Words that by their very utterance inflict injury, and speech that incites an immediate breach of the peace, kind of like, yknow, saying you want to exterminate all of their kind of people. Basically, talk shit get hit is 100% protected. I swear people that yell about Freeze Peach have no idea what it means. If you provoke someone and then they act on that provication, then it’s on you, not them. Freedom of speech just means the government can’t tell you what to say.  Reblog to piss off a Nazi! Nazism is a call for genocide, a literal incitement to violence. That punch didnt start the fight but it did finish it.
Save
phan-is-sempiternal: mousathe14: gehayi: profeminist: Tampons are a “luxury item” Once I worked as an intern in the state capital. One of the representatives I worked for was this middle-aged guy. And he hated the tampon and napkin machines in the women’s bathrooms. Hated them. He insisted that they weren’t necessary. I found out why after I’d been working there, oh, about a month. My period started suddenly, as it sometimes does, and I asked to excuse myself to go to the ladies’ room. He wanted to know why. I told him. He started ranting about how lazy women were. How we wasted time. How we were so careless and unhygenic, and that there was no call for that. He finished by telling me that I certainly was NOT going to the ladies’ room and that I was just going to sit there and work. He finished this off with a decisive nod, as if I’d just been told and there could be no possible argument. “If I don’t go,” I said in an overly patient tone, “the blood is going to soak through my pants, stain my new skirt that I just bought, and possibly get on this chair I’m sitting in. I need something to soak up the blood. That’s why I need to go to the bathroom.” His face turned oatmeal-gray; an expression of pure horror spread across his face. He leaned forward and whispered, “Wait, you mean that if you don’t go, you’ll just keep on bleeding? I thought that women could turn it off any time that they wanted!” I thought,  You have got to be kidding. Several horrified whispers later, I learned that he wasn’t. He actually thought a) that women could shut down the menstrual cycle at will, b) that we essentially picked a week per month to spend more time in the bathroom, i.e. to goof off, and c) that napkins and tampons were sex toys paid for by Health and Human Services. I didn’t know the term then, but he believed that tampons were dildos. Which was why he and a good number of his friends considered them luxuries. And that’s how, at twenty, I had to give a talk on menstruation to a middle-aged married state representative who was one of my bosses. American politics, ladies and gentlemen. That’s.., that’s insane. what the fuck did i just read : LUXURY TAX ALK PARK PLACE PAY $75.00 phan-is-sempiternal: mousathe14: gehayi: profeminist: Tampons are a “luxury item” Once I worked as an intern in the state capital. One of the representatives I worked for was this middle-aged guy. And he hated the tampon and napkin machines in the women’s bathrooms. Hated them. He insisted that they weren’t necessary. I found out why after I’d been working there, oh, about a month. My period started suddenly, as it sometimes does, and I asked to excuse myself to go to the ladies’ room. He wanted to know why. I told him. He started ranting about how lazy women were. How we wasted time. How we were so careless and unhygenic, and that there was no call for that. He finished by telling me that I certainly was NOT going to the ladies’ room and that I was just going to sit there and work. He finished this off with a decisive nod, as if I’d just been told and there could be no possible argument. “If I don’t go,” I said in an overly patient tone, “the blood is going to soak through my pants, stain my new skirt that I just bought, and possibly get on this chair I’m sitting in. I need something to soak up the blood. That’s why I need to go to the bathroom.” His face turned oatmeal-gray; an expression of pure horror spread across his face. He leaned forward and whispered, “Wait, you mean that if you don’t go, you’ll just keep on bleeding? I thought that women could turn it off any time that they wanted!” I thought,  You have got to be kidding. Several horrified whispers later, I learned that he wasn’t. He actually thought a) that women could shut down the menstrual cycle at will, b) that we essentially picked a week per month to spend more time in the bathroom, i.e. to goof off, and c) that napkins and tampons were sex toys paid for by Health and Human Services. I didn’t know the term then, but he believed that tampons were dildos. Which was why he and a good number of his friends considered them luxuries. And that’s how, at twenty, I had to give a talk on menstruation to a middle-aged married state representative who was one of my bosses. American politics, ladies and gentlemen. That’s.., that’s insane. what the fuck did i just read
Save
awesomage: The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook: Man Skills : |HOW TO CRASH-LAND A PLANE ON WATER These instructions apply to small passenger propeller planes (not commercial airliners). 1 Take your place at the controls. If the plane has dual controls, the pilot will be in the left seat. Sit on the right. If the plane has only one set of controls and the pilot is unconscious, remove the pilot from the pilot's seat. Securely fasten your seat belt. 2 Put on the radio headset (if there is one) and call for help. There will be a control button on the yoke (the plane's steering wheel) or a CB-like microphone on the instrument panel. Depress the button to talk release it to listen. Say "Mayday! Mayday!" and give your situation, destination, and plane call numbers (which should be printed on the top of the instru- ment panel). If you get no response, try again on the emergency channel, 121.5. The person on the other end should be able to talk you through proper landing procedures. If you cannot reach someone to talk you through the landing process, you will have to do it alone. beading airspeed indicator altimeter fuel gauge yoke throttle landing gear 3 Get your bearings and identify the instruments. YOKE. This is the steering wheel, and it should be in front of you. The yoke turns the plane and controls its pitch. Pull back on the column to bring the nose up, push forward to point it down. Turn it left to turn the plane left, turn it right to turn the plane right. The yoke is very sensitive-move it only an inch or two in either direction to turn the plane. While cruising, the nose of the plane should be about three inches below the horizon. ф awesomage: The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook: Man Skills

awesomage: The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook: Man Skills

Save
awesomage: The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook: Man Skills : |HOW TO CRASH-LAND A PLANE ON WATER These instructions apply to small passenger propeller planes (not commercial airliners). 1 Take your place at the controls. If the plane has dual controls, the pilot will be in the left seat. Sit on the right. If the plane has only one set of controls and the pilot is unconscious, remove the pilot from the pilot's seat. Securely fasten your seat belt. 2 Put on the radio headset (if there is one) and call for help. There will be a control button on the yoke (the plane's steering wheel) or a CB-like microphone on the instrument panel. Depress the button to talk release it to listen. Say "Mayday! Mayday!" and give your situation, destination, and plane call numbers (which should be printed on the top of the instru- ment panel). If you get no response, try again on the emergency channel, 121.5. The person on the other end should be able to talk you through proper landing procedures. If you cannot reach someone to talk you through the landing process, you will have to do it alone. beading airspeed indicator altimeter fuel gauge yoke throttle landing gear 3 Get your bearings and identify the instruments. YOKE. This is the steering wheel, and it should be in front of you. The yoke turns the plane and controls its pitch. Pull back on the column to bring the nose up, push forward to point it down. Turn it left to turn the plane left, turn it right to turn the plane right. The yoke is very sensitive-move it only an inch or two in either direction to turn the plane. While cruising, the nose of the plane should be about three inches below the horizon. ф awesomage: The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook: Man Skills

awesomage: The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook: Man Skills

Save
awesomage: The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook: Man Skills : |HOW TO CRASH-LAND A PLANE ON WATER These instructions apply to small passenger propeller planes (not commercial airliners). 1 Take your place at the controls. If the plane has dual controls, the pilot will be in the left seat. Sit on the right. If the plane has only one set of controls and the pilot is unconscious, remove the pilot from the pilot's seat. Securely fasten your seat belt. 2 Put on the radio headset (if there is one) and call for help. There will be a control button on the yoke (the plane's steering wheel) or a CB-like microphone on the instrument panel. Depress the button to talk release it to listen. Say "Mayday! Mayday!" and give your situation, destination, and plane call numbers (which should be printed on the top of the instru- ment panel). If you get no response, try again on the emergency channel, 121.5. The person on the other end should be able to talk you through proper landing procedures. If you cannot reach someone to talk you through the landing process, you will have to do it alone. beading airspeed indicator altimeter fuel gauge yoke throttle landing gear 3 Get your bearings and identify the instruments. YOKE. This is the steering wheel, and it should be in front of you. The yoke turns the plane and controls its pitch. Pull back on the column to bring the nose up, push forward to point it down. Turn it left to turn the plane left, turn it right to turn the plane right. The yoke is very sensitive-move it only an inch or two in either direction to turn the plane. While cruising, the nose of the plane should be about three inches below the horizon. ф awesomage: The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook: Man Skills

awesomage: The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook: Man Skills

Save
awesomage: The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook: Man Skills : |HOW TO CRASH-LAND A PLANE ON WATER These instructions apply to small passenger propeller planes (not commercial airliners). 1 Take your place at the controls. If the plane has dual controls, the pilot will be in the left seat. Sit on the right. If the plane has only one set of controls and the pilot is unconscious, remove the pilot from the pilot's seat. Securely fasten your seat belt. 2 Put on the radio headset (if there is one) and call for help. There will be a control button on the yoke (the plane's steering wheel) or a CB-like microphone on the instrument panel. Depress the button to talk release it to listen. Say "Mayday! Mayday!" and give your situation, destination, and plane call numbers (which should be printed on the top of the instru- ment panel). If you get no response, try again on the emergency channel, 121.5. The person on the other end should be able to talk you through proper landing procedures. If you cannot reach someone to talk you through the landing process, you will have to do it alone. beading airspeed indicator altimeter fuel gauge yoke throttle landing gear 3 Get your bearings and identify the instruments. YOKE. This is the steering wheel, and it should be in front of you. The yoke turns the plane and controls its pitch. Pull back on the column to bring the nose up, push forward to point it down. Turn it left to turn the plane left, turn it right to turn the plane right. The yoke is very sensitive-move it only an inch or two in either direction to turn the plane. While cruising, the nose of the plane should be about three inches below the horizon. ф awesomage: The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook: Man Skills

awesomage: The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook: Man Skills

Save
awesomage: The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook: Man Skills : |HOW TO CRASH-LAND A PLANE ON WATER These instructions apply to small passenger propeller planes (not commercial airliners). 1 Take your place at the controls. If the plane has dual controls, the pilot will be in the left seat. Sit on the right. If the plane has only one set of controls and the pilot is unconscious, remove the pilot from the pilot's seat. Securely fasten your seat belt. 2 Put on the radio headset (if there is one) and call for help. There will be a control button on the yoke (the plane's steering wheel) or a CB-like microphone on the instrument panel. Depress the button to talk release it to listen. Say "Mayday! Mayday!" and give your situation, destination, and plane call numbers (which should be printed on the top of the instru- ment panel). If you get no response, try again on the emergency channel, 121.5. The person on the other end should be able to talk you through proper landing procedures. If you cannot reach someone to talk you through the landing process, you will have to do it alone. beading airspeed indicator altimeter fuel gauge yoke throttle landing gear 3 Get your bearings and identify the instruments. YOKE. This is the steering wheel, and it should be in front of you. The yoke turns the plane and controls its pitch. Pull back on the column to bring the nose up, push forward to point it down. Turn it left to turn the plane left, turn it right to turn the plane right. The yoke is very sensitive-move it only an inch or two in either direction to turn the plane. While cruising, the nose of the plane should be about three inches below the horizon. ф awesomage: The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook: Man Skills

awesomage: The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook: Man Skills

Save
A bot watched over 1000 hours of lawyer commercials and then made this: Keaton Patti Follow eKeatonPatti I forced a bot to watch over 1,000 hours of lawyer commercials and then asked it to write a lawyer commercial of its own. Here is the first page LAWYER COMMERCIAL INT. FIRM LAW ROOM A LAWYER stands next to a shelf with books. The books are very wide. They have eaten too many words LAWYER Have you been hurt in an accidental car? Has the government sold your lungs without asking nicely? Are you Mesothelioma? Answer me! The lawyer opens a briefcase. It's full of lemons, the justice fruit only lawyers may touch LAWYER (CONT'D) If so, you can act entitled for money. I'l help. I graduated from lawn school and all my teachers were bitten by dogs Words scrol1 across bottom of the screen. These are cases the lawyer takes: UNFAIR STABBING, ILLEGAL SHOES, HUSIC TO0 CANADIAN, SUE THE RAIN, DIvORCE YOUR TOILET, FAKE SONS. LAWYER (CONT'D) I have been a lawyer for over 35 weekends and I'm currently dating the Bill of Rights for fun. We see the Bill of Rights. It's in love. The lawyer will1 break its heart. There's nothing we can do. LAWYER (CONT'D) Let me use it to send your asbestos to court. I will wear two suits and I promise to steal the judge's gavel for you The lawyer opens up the jacket of his first suit. Millions of gavels pour out. His promise has worth LAWYER (CONT D) My clients never go to jail town We see his past clients: a tornado, a tornado, a tornado LAWYER (CONT 'D) Remember, you don't pay any money unless you pay us money. Call for a free use of phone The phone digits appear. It's your social security number A bot watched over 1000 hours of lawyer commercials and then made this

A bot watched over 1000 hours of lawyer commercials and then made this

Save
dickheaddutch: hackeraxe: @ari-bari-is-very-sorry had this great idea… Dutch as a Marshmallow. So, I decided to take it one step further and make this something more! I hope you like this fun doodle!Dutch is in desperate need of money. We all know that, and you know what they say: Desperate times call for desperate measures! He rounded up the gang, bought some marshmallows, chocolate, and small cloth vests and demanded that every man woman and child with two hands mass produce these things and sell them at the nearest block for 25 cents each. By the end of the week, he predicts they will have enough to buy a decent sized boat for Tahiti. So far they’re $1,358 in debt. Please buy their marshmallows! I don’t like marshmallows but I would definately inhale this shit Id like to order 2 whole truckloads of these: Dutchmallows! hackeraHe.bumbie.com "made with ceal Dutch Uan Dec Cinde love and tears." "Goeat source of Faith!" Oaly 25¢! All proceeds help support the Uan Der Linde gang's goal towards Tahiti and O'Driscoll extermination. dickheaddutch: hackeraxe: @ari-bari-is-very-sorry had this great idea… Dutch as a Marshmallow. So, I decided to take it one step further and make this something more! I hope you like this fun doodle!Dutch is in desperate need of money. We all know that, and you know what they say: Desperate times call for desperate measures! He rounded up the gang, bought some marshmallows, chocolate, and small cloth vests and demanded that every man woman and child with two hands mass produce these things and sell them at the nearest block for 25 cents each. By the end of the week, he predicts they will have enough to buy a decent sized boat for Tahiti. So far they’re $1,358 in debt. Please buy their marshmallows! I don’t like marshmallows but I would definately inhale this shit Id like to order 2 whole truckloads of these
Save
awesomacious: A greatly written story: writing-prompt-s You're in charge of assigning every child on Earth the monster under their bed One child in particular has caused every monster assigned to him/her to quit. You decide to assign yourself. kittenwiskers Case: #273402 Status: Disastrous I stare at the file and realize I have no options, over the last 2 years every monster assigned to Charlotte Dower has quit, every last one. Her first monster; a giant goldfish-faced humanoid named Bubba, had been with her for four years and then she wasn't scared of him anymore. After that it was a string of different common, uncommon, and rare monsters... I even assigned a sentient sock monster to her. He came back crying I look on my tablet, only one assignable monster left; myself. Field work has never been my cup of tea, but desperate times call for desperate measures. So at 8:03 pm, after Mrs. Gideon tucks in Charlotte and her little brother Daniel; I slither into the space beneath Charlotte's bed Across the room underneath Daniel's crib is a rookie, Chico, a standard Creep kind of monster. I turn my attention to the bed above me, Charlotte is still awake but barely, reach up over the bed and run an ice cold finger over her cheek, silence, so I do it again "I'm not afraid of you monster!" She whispers, but her voice is shaking. I can see a small clock on the wall 8:14, a door somewhere in the house slams and there is an audible hitch of breath from above me. A few minutes go by I can hear Francis Gideon yelling at his wife. There are heavy footsteps on the stairs, and loud panting breaths, Charlotte scrambles off the bed and.. She. CRAWLS. Under. The. Bed. With Me. "Move. Over!" Charlotte hisses at me. I The door to the bedroom slams open and I smell the stench of human intoxicants before the man even steps inside. I know why Charlotte isn't afraid of any of my monsters; she's afraid of her own. Francis reaches a hand under the bed and I thrust my wrist into it, he starts to pull, I slither out. "What the... I cut Francis's next words off by unfolding to my full 12 foot height. Looming over the drunken man I caress my cold fingers down his face. "If you ever touch, scare, or harm my child again, I will find you, and I will do the same to you, for all eternity." I promise to him As Francis runs from the room he soils himself. I pull Charlotte from under the bed, tuck her back under her covers and kiss her forehead goodnight. "l'll be back tomorrow night, sleep well darling." Charlotte Dower is my child, I am the monster under her bed funny.C awesomacious: A greatly written story

awesomacious: A greatly written story

Save
awesomacious: A greatly written story: writing-prompt-s You're in charge of assigning every child on Earth the monster under their bed One child in particular has caused every monster assigned to him/her to quit. You decide to assign yourself. kittenwiskers Case: #273402 Status: Disastrous I stare at the file and realize I have no options, over the last 2 years every monster assigned to Charlotte Dower has quit, every last one. Her first monster; a giant goldfish-faced humanoid named Bubba, had been with her for four years and then she wasn't scared of him anymore. After that it was a string of different common, uncommon, and rare monsters... I even assigned a sentient sock monster to her. He came back crying I look on my tablet, only one assignable monster left; myself. Field work has never been my cup of tea, but desperate times call for desperate measures. So at 8:03 pm, after Mrs. Gideon tucks in Charlotte and her little brother Daniel; I slither into the space beneath Charlotte's bed Across the room underneath Daniel's crib is a rookie, Chico, a standard Creep kind of monster. I turn my attention to the bed above me, Charlotte is still awake but barely, reach up over the bed and run an ice cold finger over her cheek, silence, so I do it again "I'm not afraid of you monster!" She whispers, but her voice is shaking. I can see a small clock on the wall 8:14, a door somewhere in the house slams and there is an audible hitch of breath from above me. A few minutes go by I can hear Francis Gideon yelling at his wife. There are heavy footsteps on the stairs, and loud panting breaths, Charlotte scrambles off the bed and.. She. CRAWLS. Under. The. Bed. With Me. "Move. Over!" Charlotte hisses at me. I The door to the bedroom slams open and I smell the stench of human intoxicants before the man even steps inside. I know why Charlotte isn't afraid of any of my monsters; she's afraid of her own. Francis reaches a hand under the bed and I thrust my wrist into it, he starts to pull, I slither out. "What the... I cut Francis's next words off by unfolding to my full 12 foot height. Looming over the drunken man I caress my cold fingers down his face. "If you ever touch, scare, or harm my child again, I will find you, and I will do the same to you, for all eternity." I promise to him As Francis runs from the room he soils himself. I pull Charlotte from under the bed, tuck her back under her covers and kiss her forehead goodnight. "l'll be back tomorrow night, sleep well darling." Charlotte Dower is my child, I am the monster under her bed funny.C awesomacious: A greatly written story

awesomacious: A greatly written story

Save
A greatly written story: writing-prompt-s You're in charge of assigning every child on Earth the monster under their bed One child in particular has caused every monster assigned to him/her to quit. You decide to assign yourself. kittenwiskers Case: #273402 Status: Disastrous I stare at the file and realize I have no options, over the last 2 years every monster assigned to Charlotte Dower has quit, every last one. Her first monster; a giant goldfish-faced humanoid named Bubba, had been with her for four years and then she wasn't scared of him anymore. After that it was a string of different common, uncommon, and rare monsters... I even assigned a sentient sock monster to her. He came back crying I look on my tablet, only one assignable monster left; myself. Field work has never been my cup of tea, but desperate times call for desperate measures. So at 8:03 pm, after Mrs. Gideon tucks in Charlotte and her little brother Daniel; I slither into the space beneath Charlotte's bed Across the room underneath Daniel's crib is a rookie, Chico, a standard Creep kind of monster. I turn my attention to the bed above me, Charlotte is still awake but barely, reach up over the bed and run an ice cold finger over her cheek, silence, so I do it again "I'm not afraid of you monster!" She whispers, but her voice is shaking. I can see a small clock on the wall 8:14, a door somewhere in the house slams and there is an audible hitch of breath from above me. A few minutes go by I can hear Francis Gideon yelling at his wife. There are heavy footsteps on the stairs, and loud panting breaths, Charlotte scrambles off the bed and.. She. CRAWLS. Under. The. Bed. With Me. "Move. Over!" Charlotte hisses at me. I The door to the bedroom slams open and I smell the stench of human intoxicants before the man even steps inside. I know why Charlotte isn't afraid of any of my monsters; she's afraid of her own. Francis reaches a hand under the bed and I thrust my wrist into it, he starts to pull, I slither out. "What the... I cut Francis's next words off by unfolding to my full 12 foot height. Looming over the drunken man I caress my cold fingers down his face. "If you ever touch, scare, or harm my child again, I will find you, and I will do the same to you, for all eternity." I promise to him As Francis runs from the room he soils himself. I pull Charlotte from under the bed, tuck her back under her covers and kiss her forehead goodnight. "l'll be back tomorrow night, sleep well darling." Charlotte Dower is my child, I am the monster under her bed funny.C A greatly written story

A greatly written story

Save
filipinawitch: purple-monster-baby: geneticcardio: orion-rising: Always be vague. Say I think they’re in today or not until later. If they press say it’s company policy not to give out the schedule. Most companies do have this and even if they don’t how would a stranger know. Don’t give out specifics, they can get people injured or even killed. At my last job someone came up and asked when “Sarah” was working next. I didn’t tell him and then texted her a description, turns out he was an abusive ex who had been stalking her. Don’t do this shit please. Do NOT say anything along the lines of “they’re not in today” or “not until later” because you are confirming that this is somewhere the person in question can be found. NEVER confirm anything! My old boss told us a story of how, years before when she was a fairly new manager (I’m talking decades, she’s 64 right now), there was a man who came in and asked for an employee by name and said he was her uncle. She told him the employee’s shift started in a coule hours. He waited the entire time for her, and when she came in, he assaulted her and bashed her face into the counter. My boss saw everything. She can’t recall what he said, but he kept screaming until someone threatened to call the police. She told me that story after a man came in and asked for when an employee, who recently quit, would be coming in. I told him she doesn’t work here anymore and he said to me “Okay, well I’m her dad so if you see her tell her I’ll be across the street at the gas station.” He left and my boss IMMEDIATELY came out and scolded me for it, then told me that story. She gave me some advice on what to say or do in that situation: Don’t just deny knowing anything, deny the person asking. Example, “When is ____ coming in?” “You can’t know that information.” or “Can you tell me when ____’s shift is?” “Schedules are only for employees.” Additionally, saying “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” can usually work, it may piss them off but it can work. Continue on with the customer service. “I can’t help you with that, do you need help (with clothes, finding a product, ordering)?” or “Can I take your order?/Can I help you find (a product)?” If they persist, insist they leave the store. “If you’re not going to order, please leave the building.” or “I can’t help you, have a nice day.” and, if you can, leave. If you can’t leave, call for or help the next customer. If they still persist (by now they may be aggressive), threaten to call the police on the basis of them becoming aggressive and refusing to leave the premises. Some people will leave at that point, others stay. When the police get there, explain the situation but still do NOT confirm the existence of the employee they’re looking for to the police until they have been escorted out of the area. Regardless of if the customer know the employee’s name, description, or daily (not hourly) schedule, even if they look like the same race and claim to be family, you NEVER confirm the employee’s existence. The only exceptions are if the employee tells you themself they’re expecting someone to come in for them (ASK FOR A DESCRIPTION OF THE PERSON), and if you personally know who they are in relation to the employee. When anyone I know has to come in because I asked them to come in, I describe what they look like and what they usually wear. I go into deep descriptions, even including how they walk. You could literally save a life, guys. Don’t blindly trust your gut either and think “But they LOOK innocent” or “But they said ______” because that can result in someone getting severely hurt, or killed. I know I joked on this post before but seriously If youre in the US it is against federal law to give out anyones personal information (this includes numbers, names, and schedules) without writen and signed permission. Just say its against federal law and you cant give out that info without risk of termination - this will get 99% off your back the first time : @jaggies At Taco Bell. A man walks in, describes another employee, says she's his niece, and asks when she'll be there. The cashier helpfully tells him "She's in at 7!" Don't do this. 8/6/18, 7:46 PM 35.7K Retweets 82.1K Likes filipinawitch: purple-monster-baby: geneticcardio: orion-rising: Always be vague. Say I think they’re in today or not until later. If they press say it’s company policy not to give out the schedule. Most companies do have this and even if they don’t how would a stranger know. Don’t give out specifics, they can get people injured or even killed. At my last job someone came up and asked when “Sarah” was working next. I didn’t tell him and then texted her a description, turns out he was an abusive ex who had been stalking her. Don’t do this shit please. Do NOT say anything along the lines of “they’re not in today” or “not until later” because you are confirming that this is somewhere the person in question can be found. NEVER confirm anything! My old boss told us a story of how, years before when she was a fairly new manager (I’m talking decades, she’s 64 right now), there was a man who came in and asked for an employee by name and said he was her uncle. She told him the employee’s shift started in a coule hours. He waited the entire time for her, and when she came in, he assaulted her and bashed her face into the counter. My boss saw everything. She can’t recall what he said, but he kept screaming until someone threatened to call the police. She told me that story after a man came in and asked for when an employee, who recently quit, would be coming in. I told him she doesn’t work here anymore and he said to me “Okay, well I’m her dad so if you see her tell her I’ll be across the street at the gas station.” He left and my boss IMMEDIATELY came out and scolded me for it, then told me that story. She gave me some advice on what to say or do in that situation: Don’t just deny knowing anything, deny the person asking. Example, “When is ____ coming in?” “You can’t know that information.” or “Can you tell me when ____’s shift is?” “Schedules are only for employees.” Additionally, saying “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” can usually work, it may piss them off but it can work. Continue on with the customer service. “I can’t help you with that, do you need help (with clothes, finding a product, ordering)?” or “Can I take your order?/Can I help you find (a product)?” If they persist, insist they leave the store. “If you’re not going to order, please leave the building.” or “I can’t help you, have a nice day.” and, if you can, leave. If you can’t leave, call for or help the next customer. If they still persist (by now they may be aggressive), threaten to call the police on the basis of them becoming aggressive and refusing to leave the premises. Some people will leave at that point, others stay. When the police get there, explain the situation but still do NOT confirm the existence of the employee they’re looking for to the police until they have been escorted out of the area. Regardless of if the customer know the employee’s name, description, or daily (not hourly) schedule, even if they look like the same race and claim to be family, you NEVER confirm the employee’s existence. The only exceptions are if the employee tells you themself they’re expecting someone to come in for them (ASK FOR A DESCRIPTION OF THE PERSON), and if you personally know who they are in relation to the employee. When anyone I know has to come in because I asked them to come in, I describe what they look like and what they usually wear. I go into deep descriptions, even including how they walk. You could literally save a life, guys. Don’t blindly trust your gut either and think “But they LOOK innocent” or “But they said ______” because that can result in someone getting severely hurt, or killed. I know I joked on this post before but seriously If youre in the US it is against federal law to give out anyones personal information (this includes numbers, names, and schedules) without writen and signed permission. Just say its against federal law and you cant give out that info without risk of termination - this will get 99% off your back the first time
Save
soravagemecrazy: gayforjesus: leftist-daily-reminders: thriftorama: sodomymcscurvylegs: matthulksmash: thesnobbyartsyblog: irisesirises: thesnobbyartsyblog: Look book she’s a trump supporter :/ You gotta check the facts before you spread misinformation. Many people read headlines from satire news websites and just go with it.  Fran is a survivor of sexual assault and a huge supporter of LGBTQIA+ rights. Do you REALLY think she’d support that racist rapist?! She specifically became involved in LGBTQ+ advocacy when her then ex husband came out to her some years after their divorce, and she even made a show with him 2011 trying to help him find love. Fran Drescher is an angel! Fran is honestly such a good and kind person and she’s a fighter……don’t defame her! She’s also……..a Jewish woman and Donald Trump was elected by white nationalists…………….like this is not funny……. She’s a Trump supporter my ass this post started with the best fashion looks of the 90s and ended in a call for a socialist revolution I love it I love her fashion looks but I love her mind more ❤️ : soravagemecrazy: gayforjesus: leftist-daily-reminders: thriftorama: sodomymcscurvylegs: matthulksmash: thesnobbyartsyblog: irisesirises: thesnobbyartsyblog: Look book she’s a trump supporter :/ You gotta check the facts before you spread misinformation. Many people read headlines from satire news websites and just go with it.  Fran is a survivor of sexual assault and a huge supporter of LGBTQIA+ rights. Do you REALLY think she’d support that racist rapist?! She specifically became involved in LGBTQ+ advocacy when her then ex husband came out to her some years after their divorce, and she even made a show with him 2011 trying to help him find love. Fran Drescher is an angel! Fran is honestly such a good and kind person and she’s a fighter……don’t defame her! She’s also……..a Jewish woman and Donald Trump was elected by white nationalists…………….like this is not funny……. She’s a Trump supporter my ass this post started with the best fashion looks of the 90s and ended in a call for a socialist revolution I love it I love her fashion looks but I love her mind more ❤️
Save
naamahdarling: bae-in-maine: wantshimsorely: kittleimp: iopele: chrisdigay: A.I. is coming in more sympathetic than some people…it’s 2017 according to Amazon, the Echo (Alexa) CANNOT actually do this unless the woman set it up beforehand–just like you can put in a phone number so it’ll dial it when you say “Alexa, call mom” or whatever. the woman apparently programmed it to dial 911 when she said “Alexa, call 911″ (which the woman is heard saying on the 911 recording). so why am I nitpicking about such a tiny distinction? because Alexa WILL NOT call for help unless you’ve set it up this way first! this woman was REALLY smart to do that, because otherwise the Echo thing would’ve done nothing. don’t think your Echo will respond to “call 911″ or “call the cops/ambulance/fire department” unless you’ve set it up with the numbers first, and certainly don’t think it’ll hear sounds of a struggle and call for help without a direct command. otherwise think of how many false reports it would make just from overhearing TV and movies being on!  so instead of this being shared as “Amazon’s AI is going to hear that you’re in trouble and will call for help by itself!” this story should really be shared as “hey if you have one of these things, set it up to respond to a voice command CALL 911 before you’re in that kind of situation!” Also, for those in abusive situations, consider setting it up so you don’t have to say 911 to get it to call 911. You could program it so “call nina” calls 911. Sharing for the clarification and tip needing to pre-program Alexa beforehand. You could program it to “call nina,” “get help,” or some more obscure safeword command. Brilliant thinking on this woman’s part; a pity she was in such a situation she needed to do that. BOOSTING! Also boosting so that people won’t worry about accidentally having 911 called on them by their spybot and getting shot by police.: bryce @BryceRoy22 Alexa, you're doing amazing sweetie. FOX 4 NEWS@FOX4 Police: Alexa calls cops on man beating girlfriend dlvr.it/PTrbXO naamahdarling: bae-in-maine: wantshimsorely: kittleimp: iopele: chrisdigay: A.I. is coming in more sympathetic than some people…it’s 2017 according to Amazon, the Echo (Alexa) CANNOT actually do this unless the woman set it up beforehand–just like you can put in a phone number so it’ll dial it when you say “Alexa, call mom” or whatever. the woman apparently programmed it to dial 911 when she said “Alexa, call 911″ (which the woman is heard saying on the 911 recording). so why am I nitpicking about such a tiny distinction? because Alexa WILL NOT call for help unless you’ve set it up this way first! this woman was REALLY smart to do that, because otherwise the Echo thing would’ve done nothing. don’t think your Echo will respond to “call 911″ or “call the cops/ambulance/fire department” unless you’ve set it up with the numbers first, and certainly don’t think it’ll hear sounds of a struggle and call for help without a direct command. otherwise think of how many false reports it would make just from overhearing TV and movies being on!  so instead of this being shared as “Amazon’s AI is going to hear that you’re in trouble and will call for help by itself!” this story should really be shared as “hey if you have one of these things, set it up to respond to a voice command CALL 911 before you’re in that kind of situation!” Also, for those in abusive situations, consider setting it up so you don’t have to say 911 to get it to call 911. You could program it so “call nina” calls 911. Sharing for the clarification and tip needing to pre-program Alexa beforehand. You could program it to “call nina,” “get help,” or some more obscure safeword command. Brilliant thinking on this woman’s part; a pity she was in such a situation she needed to do that. BOOSTING! Also boosting so that people won’t worry about accidentally having 911 called on them by their spybot and getting shot by police.

naamahdarling: bae-in-maine: wantshimsorely: kittleimp: iopele: chrisdigay: A.I. is coming in more sympathetic than some people…it’s...

Save
allthecanadianpolitics: allthecanadianpolitics: NDP leader, Jagmeet Singh’s statement on the Israeli military shooting of hundreds and killing of at least 16 palestinians during a peaceful march: Palestinians hold day of mourning after 773 ‘shot with live ammunition’ As far as I can tell, this statement by Jagmeet Singh is the only statement on this issue by any major political party leader in Canada.  Justin Trudeau (Liberal Party of Canada) and Andrew Scheer (Conservative Party of Canada) have said nothing. Elizabeth May made a statement about how the shootings have ‘shaken everyone’ but no real condemnation. Other statements posted by NDP MP’s (I have seen no comments from other political parties): : Jagmeet Singh @theJagmeetSingh Following I am shocked by the violence in Gaza. The Canadian government must call on lsrael to abide by its responsibilities under international law and call for an independent investigation. The killing, human rights violations and blockade must end 7:26 AM-1 Apr 2018 1,639 Retweets 4423 Likes eg allthecanadianpolitics: allthecanadianpolitics: NDP leader, Jagmeet Singh’s statement on the Israeli military shooting of hundreds and killing of at least 16 palestinians during a peaceful march: Palestinians hold day of mourning after 773 ‘shot with live ammunition’ As far as I can tell, this statement by Jagmeet Singh is the only statement on this issue by any major political party leader in Canada.  Justin Trudeau (Liberal Party of Canada) and Andrew Scheer (Conservative Party of Canada) have said nothing. Elizabeth May made a statement about how the shootings have ‘shaken everyone’ but no real condemnation. Other statements posted by NDP MP’s (I have seen no comments from other political parties):

allthecanadianpolitics: allthecanadianpolitics: NDP leader, Jagmeet Singh’s statement on the Israeli military shooting of hundreds and k...

Save