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Birthday, Douchebag, and Dude: dex ORIGINAL NOV Windex the Bean 15 726. 2113 Paint the Bean black so they can't Windex it NOV 13 726. 2113 Paint Thinner Pour Paint Thinner On The Bean After They Paint It Black So We Can Windex NOV 13 debthestoner: rrdcooc: addakax: mysticalalleycat: politicalcdnmama: theresagooseinthemainframe: 0-memento-mori-0: justaplate: claydart: starlitskyes: frosttrix: extremedistressorstellarblowjob: queen-of-heck: brightoncemore: todayiwrotenothing: gay-jesus-probably: solongstarbird: akamine-chan: phantomofthebookstore: dragonastra: jasperzilla: moose-shampoo: if you’ve ever wondered what it’s like to live in the midwest, this is it.  You missed some of the best ones the best part about it is that the art installation isn’t actually called the Bean. It’s called Cloud Gate, and artist Anish Kapoor (yes, THAT Anish Kapoor) hates that we call it the Bean. But i mean, look at it. It’s a bean. How could you forget this one though I HAD NO FUCKING IDEA THAT THE BEAN WAS CREATED BY ANISH KAPOOR. someone help me why is anish kapoor important what did he do? Alright sit down for some Art World Drama bcause this is what I live for. So, sometime last year (?) science invented Vantablack, which is the darkest possible shade of black. Art world got incredibly excited. But as it needs to be very carefully made in a lab, it’s hard to get a hold of, and is extremely expensive. Enter Anish Kapoor, aka FuckFace McGee. Anish Kapoor buys the rights to Vantablack. He is the only human being on the planet that can legally use it, and he’s kind of a prick about it. Art world is not thrilled with that. Enter Stuart Semple. Stuart Semple is an artist, and also makes pigments to sell in his free time. Stuart Semple is astoundingly pissed about this Vantablack nonsense, and Anish Kapoor’s dickery. Stuart Semple makes a new pigment, the brightest shade of pink ever, called Pinkest Pink, and puts it for sale on the internet. To be bought by everybody except Anish Kapoor. Literally, to purchase, you need to confirm that you are not Anish Kapoor, do not associate with him, and will not sell or give the pigment to Anish Kapoor or his associates. Art world has a good laugh, everyone buys Pinkest Pink because it’s awesome, and damn it we deserve something. Anish Kapoor however is a penis, and will not take this lying down, because HOW DARE he not have literally everything. Anish Kapoor gets his London associates to buy him a thing of Pinkest Pink, and being such a classy human being, posts a picture to instagram of him with his middle finger covered in Pinkest Pink, captioned with “Up yours. #pink” Everyone flips shit, because. Y’know. Fuck that guy. Especially Stuart Semple. For context here, Anish Kapoor is one of the richest artists on the planet, and has repeatedly been referred to as everything wrong with the art world, and the epitome of the art worlds elitism problem. He’s a giant douchebag. Meanwhile Stuart Semple makes pigments just to get them out there. He turns 0 profit from his now enourmously popular pigments. Stuart Semple launches an investigation as to who the fuck leaked Pinkest Pink, and plans to strike back. He does so by releasing two new products. First is Diamond Dust, which is a glitter made from glass, so that a painting is still visible after it’s applied, but glitters like a mofo. It’s the most reflective glitter out there, and is available to everyone who isn’t Anish Kapoor. And it being made of glass, if you stick your finger in there, it’s going to hurt quite a bit, so that was Stuart Semple’s way of saying “shove your middle finger in this, asshole, see what happens”. Except without saying that, because he can get an insult across while still being fucking classy. He also releases Black 2.0, created with the help of over a thousand artists worldwide. Black 2.0 is the answer to Vantablack. Black 2.0 is a slightly less black black, but looks functionally the same to the human eye. It’s completely safe, smells like cherries, and costs four pounds. Vantablack is highly toxic, potentially explosive, needs to be applied in a special laboratory and sealed properly, can’t be moved across borders, can reach 300 degrees celsius if you’re not extremely careful, and costs thousands of dollars. Anish Kapoor is the only human being who can use Vantablack. He is the only human being who cannot use Black 2.0. So I think we can guess who got the better deal. And thus the feud ends, Kapoor defeated. …But not quite. Kapoor, in this entire afair, has made exactly two comments to the public. The first being his charming message about aquiring Pinkest Pink, the second being claiming to Buzzfeed that he and his small army of lawyers will be suing Semple, an extremely poor artist who cannot afford a lawyer. No lawsuit has been made yet, fyi. The point is, Kapoor is a prick, and doesn’t like talking to the lower classes. So one day in July 2017, he decides he needs another floor on his London studio apartment, and starts making arrangements to have it built. His neighbors are fucking pissed, because this will ruin the light of their apartments. They call to Semple to save them, or at the very least piss Kapoor off some more. Semple answers to the call, and releases two new paints, Phaze and Shift, as always, banned to Kapoor. They change colours, Phaze with temperature, and Shift is just iridescent. Shift needs to be painted over Black 2.0 to work, and Phaze just works on its own. So that’s been the art world for the last two years. Basically, get fucked Anish Kapoor your bean sucks and so does your vantablack. Stuart Semple is organising a bean-kissing event for Anish Kapoor’s birthday. Reblogging for “By attending this event you confirm that you are not Anish Kapoor, you are in no way affiliated with Anish Kapoor, you are not attending on behalf of Anish Kapoor or an associate of Anish Kapoor. To the best of your knowledge, information, and belief this event will not be attended by Anish Kapoor.” ALSO HE JUST POSTED THIS!!!!!! LIGHTEST LIGHT! I know this isn’t my art blog but this entire post gives me life im sorry is that man holding a real actual miniature star in his hands Y’all missed the best part about the lightest light, called aptly ‘Lit’. This is from their product page: Two things: 1. “Anish Kapoor is however a penis” is the best line in this post. 2. I wish to be half as petty and half as awesome as Stuart Semple I hope Stuart Semple is making a lot of money. What a good person. Go support him the paint’s are pretty cheap and you get the added bonus of being one of many to help piss off Anish Kapoor He is my fucking role model for pettiness oh my god It got better! I’m also excited because he just released biodegradable glitter in non plastic containers! How amazing is that?! Stuart Semple, good guy for the planet and artists, fighter against the rich elite artist like asshole Kapoor. An older project, but he also did this: (x) oh dude hes metal as fuck  Every addition to this post is better than the last. Me, being gay and having my blood drawn: so…what do you need my blood for again? Stuart Semple: gonna make an anti-government t-shirt with it. Me: Me: :)
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Energy, Money, and Skinny: Good old days... MEN WOULDN'T LOOK AT ME WHENI WAS SKINNY but... Since I Gained 10 Pounds This New, Easy Way I Have All the Dates I Want NOW there's no necd t ain an ounce before. Here's a new, easy treatment that is giving thousands attractive flesh-in just a few weceks! u wwith this new veast discovery in little tablets, you can get far greater tonle re- sults-regain health, and also put on pounds of firm Not only are thousands quickly gaining beauty- bringing pounds, but also elear skin, freedom from indigestion and constipation, new pep. Concentrated 7 times amazing new product, Ironized Yeast, is This made from specially cultured brewers ale yeast imported from Europe-the richest yeast known whieh ro ulcentrated 7 times But that is not all! This super-rich yeast is iron- ized with 3 speclal kinds of iron which strengthen the blood, add energy. u take Ironized Yeast tab- lets. watch Bat chest develop, skinny limbs round out attractively. Skin clears to beauty, new health comes-you're an entirely new person. Results guaranteed No matter how skinny and weak you may be, or how long you have been that way, this marvelous hort weeks as it has thousands. It you are not delighted with the results of the very first pack age, your money will be instantly refunded. Special FREE offer! To start you building up your health right away, we make this absolutely FREE offer. Purchase a h s on the hox and mail it to us with a clin ping of this paragraph. We will send you a fasci- Redy well-known authority. Remember, re- sults are guaranteed with the very first package- OT money 98Atianta, Co Ironized Yeast Co., Inc., Dept. Pd y prafeeimalodel THE META PICTURE srsfunny: Things Were So Different Back Then

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Energy, Money, and Skinny: Good old days... MEN WOULDN'T LOOK AT ME WHENI WAS SKINNY but... Since I Gained 10 Pounds This New, Easy Way I Have All the Dates I Want NOW there's no necd t ain an ounce before. Here's a new, easy treatment that is giving thousands attractive flesh-in just a few weceks! u wwith this new veast discovery in little tablets, you can get far greater tonle re- sults-regain health, and also put on pounds of firm Not only are thousands quickly gaining beauty- bringing pounds, but also elear skin, freedom from indigestion and constipation, new pep. Concentrated 7 times amazing new product, Ironized Yeast, is This made from specially cultured brewers ale yeast imported from Europe-the richest yeast known whieh ro ulcentrated 7 times But that is not all! This super-rich yeast is iron- ized with 3 speclal kinds of iron which strengthen the blood, add energy. u take Ironized Yeast tab- lets. watch Bat chest develop, skinny limbs round out attractively. Skin clears to beauty, new health comes-you're an entirely new person. Results guaranteed No matter how skinny and weak you may be, or how long you have been that way, this marvelous hort weeks as it has thousands. It you are not delighted with the results of the very first pack age, your money will be instantly refunded. Special FREE offer! To start you building up your health right away, we make this absolutely FREE offer. Purchase a h s on the hox and mail it to us with a clin ping of this paragraph. We will send you a fasci- Redy well-known authority. Remember, re- sults are guaranteed with the very first package- OT money 98Atianta, Co Ironized Yeast Co., Inc., Dept. Pd y prafeeimalodel THE META PICTURE srsfunny:Things Were So Different Back Then

srsfunny:Things Were So Different Back Then

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Bad, Fail, and Fall: Area of brain deprived of blood Blood clot Blood vessel Blood unable to pass clot hxwko: turquoisemagpie: cumbermums: blue-sunflowers: kingdomkeeperstrivia: animeaves: hokarotsukino: mscaptains: STROKE: Remember The 1st Three Letters… S.T..R …My friend sent this to me and encouraged me to post it and spread the word. I agree. If everyone can remember something this simple, we could save some folks.STROKE IDENTIFICATION:During a party, a friend stumbled and took a little fall - she assured everyone that she was fine and just tripped over a brick because of her new shoes. (they offered to call ambulance)They got her cleaned up and got her a new plate of food - while she appeared a bit shaken up, Ingrid went about enjoying herself the rest of the evening. Ingrid’s husband called later telling everyone that his wife had been taken to the hospital - (at 6:00pm , Ingrid passed away.)She had suffered a stroke at the party . Had they known how to identify the signs of a stroke, perhaps Ingrid would be with us today.Some don’t die. They end up in a helpless, hopeless condition instead. It only takes a minute to read this…STROKE IDENTIFICATION:A neurologist says that if he can get to a stroke victim within 3 hours he can totally reverse the effects of a stroke…totally. He said the trick was getting a stroke recognized, diagnosed, and then getting the patient medically cared for within 3 hours, which is tough.RECOGNIZING A STROKERemember the ‘3’ steps, STR . Read and Learn!Sometimes symptoms of a stroke are difficult to identify. Unfortunately, the lack of awareness spells disaster.The stroke victim may suffer severe brain damage when people nearby fail to recognize the symptoms of a stroke.Now doctors say a bystander can recognize a stroke by asking three simple questions :S * Ask the individual to SMILE ..T * = TALK. Ask the person to SPEAK A SIMPLE SENTENCE (Coherently) (eg ‘It is sunny out today’).R * Ask him or her to RAISE BOTH ARMS .If he or she has trouble with ANY ONE of these tasks, call the ambulance and describe the symptoms to the dispatcher.NOTE : Another ‘sign’ of a stroke is1. Ask the person to ‘stick’ out their tongue.2. If the tongue is ‘crooked’, if it goes to one side or the other that is also an indication of a stroke.A prominent cardiologist says if everyone who gets this e-mail sends it to 10 people; you can bet that at least one life will be saved.And it could be your own. First reblog post that actually saves a life. This is a life-saving post. the more you know yeah don’t think that this can’t happen to you or someone you know if they’re young. my cousin’s wife is 33 and she had a stroke last year I’ve had a stroke. It happens to people, and the more you know about this kind of stuff, the better.Because it could be important to know. LIVE SAVING. WOOOAHH. REBLOG REBLOG REBLOG REBLOG REBLOG  Had a family member almost die of one, so signal boosting because you never know when you could save a life. Because I feel bad if I don’t reblog…   My mother died after being paralyzed by a stroke. Please read this^ I remember a while ago here in UK there were stroke-identifying adverts. Their catchphrase was FAST: F- Face: is their face fallen on one side? A- Arms: can they raise both their arms up and hold them there? S- Speech: is their speech slurred? Can they speak a full sentence? T- Time: if all the signs show a stroke, call 999. We managed to save my nana with this information when she had her first stroke.  Re blogging because everyone should know these!!

hxwko: turquoisemagpie: cumbermums: blue-sunflowers: kingdomkeeperstrivia: animeaves: hokarotsukino: mscaptains: STROKE: Remember The...

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Dude, Fafsa, and Lawyer: Can you marry me 5:01 PM I just got back from my school and they said they cannot give me any aid except for unsubsidised loans unless l have a child, get married, or turn 24, so I have to get married Yeah ok I'll marry you I need a better fafsa application too Wait seriously Would you really do it Im doing actual research on it Are we doing this It would have to happen like lightning fast cause my next semester happens pretty damn soon I don't know how fast this happens lemme check Ughhhh okay so we'd need to get a marriage license which can be up to $30 depending on where we get it, and THEN we need to file for a marriage certificate I'm an ordained minister but idk if I could file my own marriage certificate get ordained and do it Can we go to Indiana? Let me check Dude Im so excited Its possible that I can get FAFSA to pay for an entire apartment for me to go to school in Milwaukee DUDE WHAT Okay so there's no minister registration required in lllinois so Yeah I'm looking that up right now Ive heard that if one partner commits adultery, thats grounds for a quicker divorce Yeah this sample form I'm looking at says "irretrievable breakdown" of marriage Worse comes to worse we can stage a fight but I think we can just say yeah it's not working out Does it include adultery divorce ranging from $15,000 to $30,000. Most of this money is spent on legal fees. So Fuck lawyers We don't need a lawyer We don't have kids we don't have property to divide up Oh thats only for a lawyer We don't have alimony to negotiate We're just two guys being dudes. Gettin a divorce portraitofemmy: possiblestoner: marzipanandminutiae: A. imagine your otp B. dear gods this country has massive issues I’ve been looking for this post for ages listen, I’ve read enough fanfic to know that they’re not getting divorced, but it’ll take about 35k of pining to figure that out.
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Definitely, Grandma, and Hello: coastward answered a scam call today and had the most bizarre conversation coastward scam caller: hello, how are you today? me: great! scam caller: good. I'm calling because your IP address has been compromised. I'll just need you to get in front of your computer so we can get your account fixed up me: okay! there is one thing I'm wondering, though scam caller: what? me: you really couldn't think of a better lie? scam caller: me: like, my "IP address has been compromised." How, exactly, does an IP address become "compromised"? scam caller: me: I was just wondering, is all scam caller: why did you answer? me: me: what? scam caller: if you knew this wasn't a legitimate call, then why did you answer? me: oh, I just though I would have some fun at your expense scam caller: what expense? talking is no expense to me. me: well, you're currently not accomplishing your goal scam caller: my goal? me: your goal of scamming my elderly grandmother. You're not accomplishing that. Il'd call that an expense scam caller: well, can I scam you? me: me: did you- did you ask if you can scam me? scam caller: yes. can I scam you? me, baffled: sure, you can try scam caller: you need to get in front of your computer me: yeah, that's still a problem. I'm eating tater tots right now andI really don't feel like getting up scam caller: okay. I will call you tomorrow morning, then me: I might not answer. My grandma definitely won't. scam caller: You answered today. me: .touché? scam caller: I will call you tomorrow. Have a good day. neko-ritsu Enemies to lovers, slow burn, 500K
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America, Apparently, and Bad: normal-horoscopes: pooraurora: postmarxed: inkandcayenne: wilfulwayfarer: rasec-wizzlbang: dalaisa-katili: local-emo-mom: anarcho-individualist: explanatorypower: i dont understand this at all and america scares the fuck out of me This is the america they don’t want you to see i love america This is what you call Waffle House at 2 am when the bars close and everyone is drunk and hungry *group of people having fun*this site: wtf this is so scary People having safe fun at a waffle house is scary for most Tumblr bloggers, reports say. Some context for those not familiar with Waffle House Culture:  Waffle House is one of the few chains in America that’s open 24/7/365, and where you can get both breakfast and lunch/dinner options at any time (I have had so many Breakfast Cheeseburgers at Waffle Houses). The food is really good, and people eat there at all times of the day or night, but it’s particularly popular as a late-night post-drinking spot because it’s all that’s open and it’s the kind of food that tastes especially good when you’re hammered. Part of Waffle House Protocol is that all the servers and cooks greet every single customer as they come through the door. It sounds lame, but I’ve never been to a Waffle House where that greeting didn’t feel completely heartfelt. My mom is a health nut who could barely find anything on the menu she was willing to eat and yet she describes the Christmas Day lunch we had there one year as one of the nicest meals she’s ever had because everyone was so warm and welcoming. That sense of camaraderie gets turned up to 11, of course, at 2 a.m. when everyone’s shitfaced. The jukeboxes have Waffle-House-themed songs on them (once you have heard “Raisins in my Toast” you will be earwormed forever) and there is an arcane system of hash brown ordering: scattered, smothered, covered, chunked, topped, diced, peppered, and/or capped. The hot sauce bottles say “Casa de Waffle.”  Once, in Oxford (UK), my husband and I walked past a kebab van very late one night and he said “why do I smell Waffle House” The location of most Waffle Houses means there’s some… classism that tends to get tied up with Anti-Waffle House Discourse, which is probably lending itself, in part, to this being such a fraught topic. (I’m looking at a map and apparently I was born and raised right in the middle of the Peak Waffle House Density Zone) It is, in the words of chef Anthony Bourdain, “indeed marvelous— an irony-free zone where everything is beautiful and nothing hurts; where everybody regardless of race, creed, color or degree of inebriation is welcomed.” We’re not even gonna mention FEMA’s Waffle House Index where they determine how bad a natural disaster is by calling the local Waffle House to see if they’re open? #and wafflehouse is one of those spiritual places#2am friendships#its the same hazy feel#of cicadas and front porches with your friends Waffle House is physical and spiritual neutral territory. Starting shit in a Waffle House isn’t just bad form, it tips the entire natural balance of the universe against you.
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Another One, Bad, and Barbie: er er KINDER SURPRISE 2OG KINGER SURPRISE T-1 1.17 KS GIRLS 20G KINDER SURPRISE GIRL 1.17 bizarre-transmission: findingfeather: wetwareproblem: thoughts-of-an-x-factor: ohgressfuriosa: castiel-knight-of-hell: jen-kollic: thejollity: jen-kollic: hobopoppins: manaphy: wow I didn’t know fuckin chocolate eggs were gendered OKAY LET ME TELL YOU A STORY ABOUT THE FUCKING PINK EGGS. I work at a concession stand in an ice rink. We sell a bunch of chocolate bars and snacks and shit including Kinder Surprise eggs. So one day this woman comes up to the counter with her two little kids, a girl who’s probably about 6 or 7 and a little boy, maybe 3 or 4. The mom asks what they want, the little girl points at the Kinder eggs and says “One of those!”. I asked if she wanted the white or the pink egg. She said pink. The little boy pointed to the Kinder eggs and says “One of those!”. I asked if he wanted the white or the pink egg. He said pink. HOLY SHIT IT WAS LIKE I OPENED THE GATES OF HELL. The mom absolutely FLIPPED and was like “YOU ARE NOT GETTING THE PINK EGG IT’S ONLY FOR GIRLS. YOU CAN GET THE WHITE ONE OR NOTHING AT ALL”. The little boy looked at his mom and said “But I want the same as ______ (whatever the sister’s name was)”. The mom completely ignored him and turned to me and gave me a death glare. “He can have the white egg.” I had to give a little boy a white egg when he wanted the pink so that he could be the same as his big sister and he started crying. The mom just reiterated that the pink egg was for girls and told him that boys don’t cry. And this is why we shouldn’t gender fucking chocolate eggs. This is actually a relatively new thing, originally Kinder Eggs were all white like the ones on the left. I don’t know at what point they decided to make ‘girl’s’ Kinder Eggs, but I do not like it. Holy shit do not even get me started on how moms constantly police their sons’ masculinity. I’ve seen mothers do it WAY more often than fathers. I used to work at a bakery that specialized in creating custom cakes. We had this feature where we could print out any image off the computer and put it on a cake (with rice paper). One day this lady comes in and asks for an image we had of the baby Sesame Street characters. They’re all together with cake and confetti, and she asks, “Oh, well since it’s a boy, can you please change all of the little pink confettis into blue confetti? I mean, he’s a boy, you know.” Confetti. The fucking confetti. It barely covered 5% of the image. Another instance was when a lady asked me for an image of four superheroes to put on her son’s cake because her son was turning four. She admitted to not knowing any superheroes, so I offered the most obvious choice—The Fantastic Four. I pulled up a picture of them and she goes, “Oh no no, we can’t have that. Let’s do another one.” Confused, I pulled up a Justice League one with Batman, Superman, The Flash, and Wonder Woman. Again, she said no. I asked her if she needed anything specific (she didn’t know superheroes, why was she so picky?), and she just said, “Oh, it’s just that he’s a boy, you know? We can’t have a girl superhero on his cake.” I nearly lost my shit. I did temporarily lose my customer service face and ask why, women have been superheroes all the time, Wonder Woman is iconic, etc etc and she was like, “It’s just that my son has been playing with Barbie dolls lately and I really don’t want him to end up… well, you know.” This shit has got to stop. When you teach boys that certain things are only for girls, you’re limiting them and you’re teaching them that girls or “girly things” are bad. If you want gender equality as an adult, you better make DAMN sure that you’re teaching the same thing to your kids. So this woman did not want her son to turn out ‘you know’ and her plan for that was to get him a cake with spandex-clad manly men AND ONLY MEN on it? I don’t think she thought that one through too well… in sociology class we were talking about gender being assigned to objects and one of the male students started saying how forward thinking he is because he buys his daughter sports equipment and “boy toys”. I asked if he’d do the same if he had a son and he said “Of course I’d buy my son sports equipment”. I clarified “No, would you buy him dolls and other toys that are thought of as being for girls”. He turned around and didn’t answer. Parents will pat themselves on the back for letting their little girls play baseball but a little boy with a Barbie is still considered an affront to society Fuck everything. My father was one of these parents (along with several other harmful issues!), and even though I know, for an absolute fact, that his world views and ways are entirely wrong, this shit he tried to ingrain into me still effects me to this day.Parents, don’t ruin your fucking kids by treating them like this. I wonder how much of the “mothers police masculinity more” phenomenon comes back to “when a man fails at masculinity, we call him a mama’s boy and blame her for it.” A lot of it. It doesn’t really excuse it, and as someone who did a decade and a half of childcare I can tell you that for every woman who does as described above there’s one sneaking the Dora the Explorer fruit snacks because those are the ones her son loves but his father will flip his shit. Or being crushed that since he went to daycare he suddenly won’t do “girl stuff” bc the other boys will make fun of him. It’s really sad either way. But when it does manifest that way a huge amount is “I’m not raising a mama’s boy I’m raising a MAN!” And it’s gross. My nephew is 4 and we’ve NEVER gendered things with him, whenever he’s allowed a treat or a toy, we just ask him which one he wants and that’s it, sometimes he picks out cars and superhero toys, other times he wants dolls and pretty pink things, I let him choose his prize at a carnival last summer and he excitedly picked a big hot pink inflatable baseball bat that said “princess” on it, the looks we got from some people were astounding. And even if he does turn out to be “you know”, then good for him, he’ll be wholeheartedly loved and supported.
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