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Bones, Flexing, and Memes: Whomst boot is this? oaf nati act By the bones of Chesty Puller whomst boot hath displayed so much strong bootery in one pic. Odd flex, young chap. Odd flex indeed.

By the bones of Chesty Puller whomst boot hath displayed so much strong bootery in one pic. Odd flex, young chap. Odd flex indeed.

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Asian, Bad, and Dallas Cowboys: THE EXCUSE CREATOR CHOOSE A CHOOSE A PERPETRATOR DELAYING FACTOR CHOOSE A + LEAD-IN □ I'm sorry but D Please forgive me... O Beg you a thousand par Godzilla gave me a hickey tried to kill me. ran me over with a diesel 凵your 1110111 Princess Peach." loe □ the offensive line of the 76 Dallas Cowboys... a handicapped gentle- I died in front of nie □ ate my homework. □ I'm never usually like maun... You're never going to believe this... beat me into submission ne □ the inventor of the slan- | hid my Trapper Keeper □ ロ Guess what hap- en 1 sole inv bicycle. slept with my uncle. called ine "too gay to fly □ the direct or of 101 Dal- maions... □ Holy shit! Get this." O Boy do I have a story for the little Asian kid from □ Indiana Jones.. □ a kite," whatever that a man with 6 fingers or his right hand... g □ So I was nunding my own | business and boom!. D stole my identity ! lhe most unbelievable thing just happened... □ I my mo broke into my house. □ Raiden from! Mortal Komba. □ put Ine in a Chinese finger □ I couldn't be more apolo- □ Sorry I'm late □ I couldn't go because □ □ This is a terrible excuse a Mayor McCheese.. 1c caine after me Scrooge MclDuck.. g the ghost of Margaret . D came on me. I tested racial slurs from my Thatcher... I couldn't help it.. 0 the ghost of Hitler.. □ spin-kicked lne in the ! Ghost Dad. co ut □ the entire Rollan tied to sell me vacuum D This is going to sound 2 Eampire... cleaners. crapped in my gas tank made me golf in shoes filled with macaroni and O Holy Moses!... 2 O Kevin Ware's leg bone... a British chap... □ Blimey! Sorry, l'in late vnha. □ a Hasidic Jew." My bad 6 Kevin Spacey. pulled me over in a stolen □ I swear it wasn't my fault ! □ Kevin Costner's stunt cop car and demandeed fellatio. double.. □ I lost track of time | □ □ kept telling me knock made me find Jesus. Kevin McCallister's real life fake tarantuala... □ I feel terrible, but D the editors at Mandato □ Don't blame nie you should probably go to TheMetaPicture.com srsfunny:The Perfect Excuse Creator
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Be Like, Bless Up, and Chicago: Waiting to surprise my SO with this little nugget when she gets home from work. Reddit u/belatedpajamas @DrSmashlove Now people always wanna be like “wow how do you live in Chicago”, “damn smash Chicago is cold asf why not Miami”, “wow Chicago is big cold yuck.” OKAY. DUH. NOBODY SAYING IT’S WARM LOL. But the cold got benefits. For one, it make the holidays pretty. I don’t celebrate Christmas but all the pretty lights and snowflakes bruv that make me feel like I’m in a quaint, adorable little English village. On some “Cheerio chap! Yes very good govvenah! BRIYYANT!” 😂 U feel me? Heritage. Not my heritage - but somebody heritage lol! Fireplaces. Cozy lil fires. U feel me? Seasons. Now it’s also downsides. I keep water bottles in my car and them bottles freeze. No bueno asf. But a HALF FROZE bottle is a come up! If u catch it at the right point in the freeze life cycle it develop a water PP column right up the middle that osmularicizes coldness through water you pour into the bottle it and freezes it to the optimal gym water temp. Boom. One sip and u transported to the mountains of Norway bruv. U thirsty. U been walking for days. U come upon a comely Norwegian birb with a gaggle of aggressive huskies barking at u. U like “Ok these huskies don’t like my kind lmao RIP to me it was real”. She opens her mouth and whispers: “Jeg kan se din PP-utskrift gjennom din overcoat” (“I can see your PP print through your overcoat”). And then u like “aye short blond hair on white girls is sexy ol McCaulay Culkin Justin Bieber with a fatty lookin a$$ PAUSE.” And she like “come. Drink.” And she open her shroud which is made from a single uncut bison skin and she bare nekky and she put my head against her heart and pour water into my mouth like I’m her bb and I’m like “wow Scandinavians are wild but I love it.” That’s how soothing that half frozen ice PP water bottle taste bruv. Anyway then she fall in love with me and ask me to live among her people and I’m like “Jeg er her for en god stund, ikke lenge, du vet jeg” (“I'm here for a good time not a long time, you know **I**”). And she shed a single tear and I pet the huskies and depart homeward. BOTTOM LINE THAT HALF FROZEN WATER BOTTLE IS A GYM BLESSING BLESS UP 😍😂😂😂
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Being Alone, Animals, and Bruh: Proud @DrSmashlove DUE TO AN INFECTION THAT TOOK GVER MY LIVER MY VET GAVE ME 1 MONTH TO LIVE... THAT WASMONTHS AG AND T HAVE MADE A FULL RECOVERY How extra is the State of Montana? Pulled off yesterday at a rest area and sign literally said "RATTLESNAKE AREA. KEEP ON THE SIDEWALK." Bruh. Firstly. Of all animals to live at a rest stop...snakes? They gon fuck around and build a place where u suppose to pee...in a rattlesnake habitat? Like let's look at this shit from a snake's perspective. I whip my pecker-wood out. This snake look at my shit eye to eye (I mean mines got one eye but that's neither here nor there 😁). This is a snake! His vision ok but it can't be that great! For all he know...my joint is a snake from a rival gang. Like I could picture the rattlesnake eyeing up my dick like "WHAT SET JEW CLAIM ESSAY? I SAID...WHAT SET JEW CLAIM, *ESSAY*. OH. OK BUTTERCUP. JEW JUST WANNA SHOW UP IN MY HOOD...AND SPIT THAT YELLOW VENOM OUT YOUR MOUTH...TRYEENG TO THREATEN *ME*, PENDEJO? JEW MUST NOT HAVE ASKED AROUND ABOUT ME ESSAY. OKAY ESSAY. I SEE YOU. WELL LEMME SHOW YOU SOME *REAL* VENOM ESSAY SAY KHELLO TO MY LEETO FRIEN!" And of course my PP try to be polite and reply in a rarified British accent (my PP is British all of a sudden don't ask) like "EW IT'S MERELY A MISUNDERSTANDING, CHAP! INDEED I AM NOT OF THE SERPENT SPECIES AT ALL! I AM MERELY A HUMAN PENISÈ! I TRUST THAT I HAVE CLEARED UP ANY CONFUSION, CHEERIO!" Of course that would probably only piss Pedro off and make him call his essays like "AYE CHICO! JAIME! THIS BRITISH FUCKBOY IS TALKEEN SHIT. LET'S MAKE SURE TO GIVE HIM A WARM MONTANA WELCOME 😁." All I wanted to do was pee, now my dick getting ate by several rattlesnakes wearing bandanas, creased khakis and Nike Cortez walking shoes. Now I have no genitalia. And I'm bleeding to death. And I can't call 911 because it's no motherfucking reception here in the mountains. I'm dying cold and alone while these rattlesnakes have a cook-out grilling carne Asada while Analisa and Consuela show off they new tattoos next to my dying carcass. THANKS MONTANA 😢...😂😂😂
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