Kill It
Kill It

Kill It

The Struggle
The Struggle

The Struggle

kisses
kisses

kisses

point
point

point

sneak out
 sneak out

sneak out

cheek
 cheek

cheek

flow
 flow

flow

tweeting
 tweeting

tweeting

manageable
manageable

manageable

twists
twists

twists

🔥 | Latest

Bless Up, Booty, and Christmas: Picked up this little girl today. I never knew something so cute could have such horrendous farts @DrSmashlove Reddit u/thecasquatch Shout to u ladies bruv I see u. Pink nikes. Black yoga pants with the strategically placed sheer cutouts. Oversized coat. Dripping wet hair. Scurrying back to the office at 12:58 pm. Stinkin. Just sweatily stinking up a storm baby girl u are appreciated 🤤. See me in the lobby I’m holding the elevator door looking at u and u like “OMG smash I stink LOL!! I’ll take the next one!” No the eff u won’t 🤗😂. This is Christmas in Ferrurary. 🎅🏼 Christmas in March. 🎄 U feel me? “Don’t be silly lol! All aboard 😁.” I inhale inaudibly thru my nose and let out a small, very small like dis big 👌 pip squeak cough ... “damn! Sinuses lol...CAN A BROTHER GET SOME CLARITIN IN HERE 😤” (c) Key and Peele 😂. Ain no damn sinuses bruv. I just had to get that one wondrous serene low key whiff of pure mid Day booty sweat 🍑💦 . U could had taken a few minutes to shower. But u didn’t. U didn’t for all of us - witcha nastass 😍😂. Now u perfuming the elevator before returning to ya office to put clothes and heels back on. Again I thank u. Mid day work doldrums can be heavy but an elevator full of yoga pant booty stench, like an Umbria espresso chased by a bubbly water, awakens the senses and enlivens the loins 😍. And before u ladies attack me for being a freak first of all bish YES I AM 😂. Second of all not long ago a ting was taking a vigorous ride on Le Pony like the Ginuwine song when, half a minute prior to busting, she buried her face in my underarm and bounced-clapped Le Chèéks vigorously on mine Peepington and I’m like “wha?” And she said in that deep, satanic I’m-bout-to-buss voice “DONNNNT STOPPPP 🐲👹👺” and she let loose the waterfall harder than I had theretofore experienced and at that moment it dawned on me: Le Stínk is a gift from God (among many) visited upon humankind to bring us back to our animalistic senses. Back to the jungle. U feel me? Amazonian type isht. Embrace Le Stínk. U an me baby ain’t nothing but mammals. So let’s do it how they do on the discovery channel BLESS UP 🤤😍😂

Shout to u ladies bruv I see u. Pink nikes. Black yoga pants with the strategically placed sheer cutouts. Oversized coat. Dripping wet hair....

Af, Blessed, and Emoji: The best surprise passenger you can have next to you on a flight @DrSmashlove Now see bruv this used to be my favorite emoji: 🤗. He go by many names. Some call him Johnny Jazz Hands. I happen to call him Lil Smashington the IV, Chief Cheek Inspector, Sargeant Spreader the Nani Deader. U feel me? That’s what he doing. Opening them cheeks and delightedly admiring and inhaling the contents 🤗. But Lil Smashington has competition, bruv. Major competition. Because his Uncle Jameson Worthington VI of South Cambridgeshire bruv? Or Lil James Worthy aka the Monocle Maestro aka Scotland Yard’s Inspector of the Interior bruv? He ain’t just opening and peeking, bruv. Unc is inspecting every fold 🧐. Every skretch mark 🧐. Every lil cellulite dot 🧐. If he so much as spots an in-grown hair he gon annotate it in his Most Profitable and Efficient Bird Watching Journal; A Chronicle of Uncle Worthy’s Travels and Conquests, in which he records birds he sees in the wild such as cardinals and robin red breasts as well as birds he encounters in the bedroom 🧐. Lil Smashington basic AF bruv he get in the cheeks and he like “yum, sweet as sugar cane 😍.” Nah. Hells nah. Unc gon take a single taste and then fetch his notebook and quill pen and record the flavor notes for posterity: “Seventh of December, Two Thousand and Seventeen years after the birth of The Blessed Son of Mary. Name: Stephanie Smith. Age: approximately two score and three. Height: roughly one and one half oak barrels. Slender with supple bosom, posterior, ample hips, delightful countenance. Hair of auburn. Flavor notes: molasses; sugarplum; purée of mango; heavy whipping cream.” U feel me bruv? And Stephanie just gon sit patiently while Unc engages in his scientific field research, replaces his notebook in satchel and his quill pen in his ink well so he can go ham and bananington on the Nani 🐗. Ladies and Gentlemen I have a patron saint. A spirit animal. Me, in emoji form. A true enjoyer of the female form in all its delightful complexity. Monocle Emoji, in a difficult year of pain and suffering in many pockets of the world, u bring hope and inspiration to the masses 🧐. Unc...U da real MVP 🧐🧐🧐😂😂😂

Now see bruv this used to be my favorite emoji: 🤗. He go by many names. Some call him Johnny Jazz Hands. I happen to call him Lil Smashingto...

Bad, Beyonce, and Booty: If you don't pet him, you're a monster. Pic: reddit u/coal the slaw @DrSmashlove So yesterday I had about 12 hours of work to knock out and as the night got older, I had to leave the warm, familiar confines of my go-to Mom-and-Pop coffee joints that serve coffee made with love, care, affection and human warmth (and therefore close early so that they wonderful baristas can go act in plays and paint paintings and do other artsy tings that allow them to form doves and angels and birds in yo latte) and head to the barren desert land that is Starbucks, where they serve piping-hot burnt sludge-water brewed from the charcoal grains of Hell. Literally Starbucks got a long term supply agreement with Satan where they pay half they net revenue to ol dude with the red goat face and long tail and in return he supply them with coffee that shouldn’t be served to maximum security prisoners bruv. BUT THEY OPEN 24-7 BECAUSE SATAN NEVER SLEEPS - HE’S ALWAYS WREAKING HAVOC (except during Ramadan 🤗😂). Anyway so I’m there and they got the nerve. The cot damn NERVE...to play a playlist where Jay and Beyoncé are followed by Johnny Cash which is followed by “Till the Lights Come On” by Sun Rai (I had to Google the lyrics. No offense Sun Rai u probably a star of some sort but ya music sound like booty cheeks NO OFFENSE 🤗). Who did this? Who is RESPONSIBLE for this? In addition to obtaining they coffee supply from Satan, do they also let him hook up the playlists? How I’m pose to concentrate when y’all playing Jakob Dylan followed by Echosmith? I have ADD. Is this playlist meant to melt the remaining shred of sanity I have? Y’all serve coffee that’s stronger than bad cocaine and y’all play music that is jarring, discordant and unharmonious - combine the two and I now have the subtle urge to punch a baby 🤗. Y’all absolutely some criminals for this lmao. Change that mermaid on ya cup to Lucifer because this is the last time I ever fux with y’all devilish establishment - AWAY FROM ME, SATAN! 🤗😂😂😂

So yesterday I had about 12 hours of work to knock out and as the night got older, I had to leave the warm, familiar confines of my go-to Mo...

Ass, Bad, and Bitch: I seen this on fb & died laughing I wanna suck ya dick trom the back and start sucking it dumb crazy licking ya balls with the tip of my tongue and put ya whole dick in my mouth and let u fuck my throat then I'm gunna with and suck the heac of ya dick dumb nasty til u bust on my bottom lip then I want nibble on the head of ya dick, then I wana spit on ya meat making ya shit wet...i wana suck on ya balls and slurp on the head of ya dick making ya toes curl., .then ima massage on ya balls Who this Sorry wrong number Na this the right number I remember when my mom didn’t buy me a side kick because my grades was ass. I wasn’t a bad student my teacher just be lying when it came to parent teachers conference. The bitch would say I talked to much or was trying to be the class clown and it was disrespect. First of all none of us wanted to even be there and second of all she was about 80 years old she couldn’t even hold a piece of chalk to write on the board. Hand writing looking like a ekg. I wasn’t with the shits. Long story short I saved up some money and bought a sidekick. I had to get the monthly sim card minutes form the Arabs at the corner store. Everyhood got some Arab niggas tryna EXTORT the black community. My boy put me on to this NYC GROUP chat where you would send your age, sex and location. It was the perfect way to fiNNESSE the fuck outta hoes and get your meat tickled. It was late one school night and I was Talking to this one girl on AIM. She told me she lived near me and she was about 19 years old. Boy I was 12 and my dick was stiffer than a corpse. I hit her up smoothly tryna see what she was about. I thought I was freak so I tell her that I wanted to suck in her titles while playing my GameCube. My mom busy in my room cause she heard the door slamming animation form aim. Black mommas hate when you slam the door in they crib. She saw my sidekick light up and took it. I had to fitness and say my friend left it in my bag from school and I was gonna return it. Momma wasn’t buying that shit and took it.I’m going to bed salty as fuck. ( I ain’t know how to beat my meat yet so I was stuck horny). My mom bust in my room 2 minutes later furious, she ain’t know the foolishness I was partaking in. I will never for get what “MizzFabulous71890” sent me back “boy I want you to choke me with your GameCube controller cables and beat my ass cheeks like Kimbl slice. I wanna gargle your nut like listerine and swish it in my mouth like wine. I want to bounce on your dick to the point your balls burst and have you sore the next morning”. Bitch I got PE class tomorrow that’s gonna be painful as fuck. My momma ain’t know I was a freak a leak. I got my ass torn up

I remember when my mom didn’t buy me a side kick because my grades was ass. I wasn’t a bad student my teacher just be lying when it came to ...