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Af, Bad, and Dude: 10 Reasons Why Your D*ck ls Trash @balleralert Read more: www.balleralert.com 10 Reasons Why Your D*ck Is Trash - blogged by @niksofly β €β €β €β €β €β €β € β €β €β €β €β €β €β € If you let men tell it, all of them have magical golden penises that give out orgasms like free lunch. Every dude is well endowed and knows what they're doing, and if they're allowed to gas you, they all will tell you how nasty they are and how their skully (oral sex ) game is beasty. Somehow, women buy that wolf and soon realize the d*ck is wack AF. By that time, it's too late and an L has been bestowed upon her. β €β €β €β €β €β €β € β €β €β €β €β €β €β € Word to the wise: dudes with a village of kids usually have good d*ck. Not to mention, if he doesn't say anything about his performance outside of "I know me and I'm good at what I do,” you about to get the most phenomenal d*ck of your life. Don't question me. Just accept the facts, lol. β €β €β €β €β €β €β € β €β €β €β €β €β €β € Anyhoo, here are the top reasons the d*ck is wack AF. β €β €β €β €β €β €β € β €β €β €β €β €β €β € 1. She is allergic to shellfish. That little shrimp is only tickling her labia. If she doesn't gasp when you put it in-It's wack. β €β €β €β €β €β €β € β €β €β €β €β €β €β € 2. And if you have length, you're missing girth. Women don’t want to bust a vein trying to grip your pencil d*ck. β €β €β €β €β €β €β € β €β €β €β €β €β €β € 3. You make too much noise. Yeah, she knows you are swimming in ecstasy, but right now she's drowning in your theatrics. It's bad enough your d*ck is small, but the noise is stopping her from concentrating on gripping your vienna and climaxing. The sh*t is hard work. β €β €β €β €β €β €β € β €β €β €β €β €β €β € 4. Eating is not literal. Your pregame is horrid. You’re either eating vagina like a cat licking milk or you about to give her a total hysterectomy. There are nerves down there sir. β €β €β €β €β €β €β € β €β €β €β €β €β €β € 5. Mentioning nerves. Stop trying to beat her walls down or rupture her cervix. She needs all components. That hurts like hell. β €β €β €β €β €β €β € β €β €β €β €β €β €β € 6. And if you're a decent size, you are Thumper the Quick Pumper. She just slid on your manhood and it's over already. I'm pretty sure paint drying would be more gratifying. β €β €β €β €β €β €β € β €β €β €β €β €β €β € 7. And let's not get into how boring you are in bed. It's the same two ......to read the rest log on to BallerAlert.com (clickable link on profile)
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Be Like, Deep Throat, and Dope: Hoes be like "l can count how many niggas i've fucked with one hand" I advise you not to ask a girl her body count. There's a chance you might hear some shit you didn't want to. I was tryna to hook up with this one girl from school. Her name was Debbie but the homies called her deep throat. Head game gonna feel like getting your ears cleaned with a Q tip while reaching climax. I'm not the type of guy to listen to other guys when it come to girls. I rather keep it real and get to know them myself before making judgement. Debbie was pretty cool. Me and her had a lot in common and she seem dope. My homies saw me walk her to class one time and tried to have a intervention with me. I'm hard headed and didn't listen to them. At the end of the day your homies ain't gonna be laid up watching dragon ball super with you. (unless you into that ). I'm on FaceTime having a heart to heart with her. She ask me if I'm a virgin. I be hesitant to answer this question because if I say yes then she might think I'm a fuck boy, but if I say no the she might be down so she can take my V card. Hoes collect virginities like PokΓ©mon. I asked her how many dudes she been with. She pulled out a Dickβ€˜e -Dex (similar to the PokeDex) but it and recorded the vital info of the dudes that hit. Debbie listed my niggas, her niggas, my niggas niggas, and they niggas niggas niggas, more niggas then a lil wayne verse. After listening her List more dudes than avogordos number I was still in the mindset to fuck. That means her sex experience is max prestige and that's a Win. I had to act unsurprised like "oh ok cool" It was good until she said "Yea well that's the past tho my next man is gonna be husband. I spit out drink like triple H laughing. What you talking about sis? How you gonna play me like that? I hung my phone up with God level swiftness. Be careful kings.
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Memes, Phoenix, and Babylon: et-the-phoenix-fly malfxoys: my cat has been fucking playing me for weeks, playing me like a fucking harp. I feed my cat twice a day with prescribed diet food because she's really fat and doesn't know when she's full so she never stops eating usually when come home from class she is all over me like the whore of babylon all over me putting on a pity party and trying to get me to sin and give her more food but no matter what l only feed her the amount of food for her prescribed diet. but after awhile i started noticing that she wasn't loosing weight at all and was actually just getting fatter. so I called the vet pissed and i'm just like the fuck she's still getting fat. so I switched her to another diet food and that still didn't work and I was so confused and frustrated like what is wrong with this cat? so a couple weeks go by and l start noticing that I go through bags of food really fast like a week fast and I remembered how l thought that was so weird like I God honest could not figure out why the food disappeared so fast (my former naive and innocent mind) well y'all ready here's the fucking climax the other day my class was canceled and come downstairs at like noonish and do you know what I see when get down? see my fucking cat sitting in the food bin. with my own two eyes l see her sitting in the fucking food bin. my spoiled ass cat has been eating like a fucking queen and living it the fuck up while I'm in class and then pretends like she's hungry when I get home. and you know what's the real kicker? when she leaves the lid gets knocked shut which is why i never caught onto her scam. she's fucking been working the system and playing the food game right under my fucking nose like i want to scream and now have to call the vet and the morning and explain to him how I, a well educated adult in college, got one-upped in intelligence by my fucking cat Read the whole thing I have never related to an animal more. -mio
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Memes, Noah, and Hawaii: There is a Fungus, which when smelled can trigger spontaneous orgasms in human females. Ok so I'm going to make mushroom pheromone spray and make women everywhere happy :) (Source iflscience.com) Officially discovered back in 2001, John Halliday and Noah Soule were the first to record the effects of a fungus that could instantly induce female orgasm. Published in the International Journal of Medicinal Mushrooms, Halliday explains that he and his colleague Soule heard of an unusual fungi growing in recent lava flows on the island of Hawaii – a bright orange mushroom which supposedly caused women to suddenly reach climax for no apparent reason. Intrigued by the concept, the pair headed to the island to see if these fantastical claims are true. For science, of course. Forming on lava flows 600–1000 years old, the unnamed Dictyophora species was deemed a very intense aphrodisiac when smelled by women – despite, or maybe because, of its β€œfetid” smell. The pair put the claim to the test by asking volunteers (I wonder how they whittled the number of applicants down?) to take a deep whiff, and recording their arousal levels. The results recorded in the Journal show a significant increase in arousal, with nearly half of the women experiencing spontaneous orgasms. All of the men, on the other hand, claimed it smelled absolutely disgusting. The pair also described the morphology and chemistry of the fungus, and concluded that the "hormone-like compounds present [...] may have some similarity to human neurotransmitters released during sexual encounters." chakabars @consciousconnect720
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Tumblr, Naive, and Babylon: malfxoys my cat has been fucking playing me for weeks, playing me like a fucking harp. l feed my cat twice a day with prescribed diet food because she's really fat and doesn't know when she's full so she never stops eating usually when I come home from class she is all over me like the whore of babylon all over me putting on a pity party and trying to get me to sin and give her more food but no matter what I only feed her the amount of food for her prescribed diet. but after awhile i started noticing that she wasn't loosing weight at all and was actually just getting fatter. so l called the vet pissed and i'm just like the fuck she's still getting fat. so I switched her to another diet food and that still didn't work and I was so confused and frustrated like what is wrong with this cat? so a couple weeks go by and l start noticing that I go through bags of food really fast like a week fast and I remembered how I thought that was so weird like I God honest could not figure out why the food disappeared so fast (my former naive and innocent mind) well yall ready here's the fucking climax the other day my class was canceled and I come downstairs at like noonish and do you know what I see when get down? I see my fucking cat sitting in the food bin with my own two eyes l see her sitting in the fucking food bin. my spoiled ass cat has been eating like a fucking queen and living it the fuck up while I'm in class and then pretends like she's hungry when I get home. and you know what's the real kicker? when she leaves the lid gets knocked shut which is why i never caught onto her scam. she's fucking been working the system and playing the food game right under my fucking nose like i want to scream and now I have to call the vet and the morning and explain to him how a well educated adult in college, got one-upped in intelligence by my fucking cat Read the whole thing I'M GOING ON A LIL ROADTRIP TODAY AND I JUST BOUGHT A NEW CD YESTERDAY AND IT'S GOING TO BE GREAT I'M SO EXCITED ~ KAY
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Confused, Dieting, and Hungry: let-the-phoenix-fy: malfxoys my at has been fucking playing me for weeks, playing me like a fucking harp. I feed my cat twice a day with prescribed diet food because she's really fat and doesn't know when she's full so she never stops eating. usually when I come home from class she is all over me like the whore of babylon all over me putting on a pity party and trying to get me to sin and give her more food but no matter what I only feed her the amount of food for her prescribed diet. but after awhile i started noticing that she wasn't loosing weight at all and was actually just getting fatter. so Icalled the vet pissed and i'm just like the fuck she's still getting fat. so l switched her to another diet food and that still didn't work and I was so confused and frustrated like what is wrong with this cat? so a couple weeks go by and l start noticing that I go through bags of food really fast like a week fast and I remembered how l thought that was so weird like l God honest could not figure out why the food disappeared so fast (my former naive and innocent mind) well y'all ready here's the fucking climax the other day my class was canceled and I come downstairs at like noonish and do you know what I see when get down? l see my fucking cat sitting in the food bin with my own two eyes I see her sitting in the fucking food bin. my spoiled ass cat has been eating like a fucking queen and living it the fuck up while I'm in class and then pretends like she's hungry when I get home. and you know what's the real kicker? when she leaves the lid gets knocked shut which is why i never caught onto her scam. she's fucking been working the system and playing the food game right under my fucking nose like i want to scream and now Ihave to call the vet and the morning and explain to him how a well educated adult in college. got one-upped in intelligence by my fucking cat Read the whole thing. seriously, read it. I've been asleep.
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