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Apparently, Confused, and Family: Rock Apparently Factors Into Girlfriend's Shower Routine NEWS Local Relationships ISSUE 49-29 Jul 16, 2013 23 Jacob Ferris, 25, has no idea what his girlfriend Sarah uses this rock in her shower for rubitrightintomyeyes: theonion: Rock Apparently Factors Into Girlfriend’s Shower Routine SEATTLE—Saying he was confused about the full extent of its purpose as well as its overall benefit, local man Jacob Ferris, 25, nonetheless surmised today that the oblong rock located in girlfriend Sarah Milstein’s shower caddy must somehow factor into her bathing routine, sources confirmed. “I guess at some point while she’s showering, she rubs a rock on her body,” said Ferris, expressing what he claimed was “the only possible conclusion” about the light-gray rock in his girlfriend’s bathroom. “I mean, it looks sort of nice, so she could just have it there for decoration or something. But it’s usually right near all the other soaps and her loofah, so I think it’s probably something she actually uses while under the water.” “I really don’t know how it all works,” Ferris added. “All I know is that in between Sarah getting into the shower and getting out, there’s a rock involved.” Ferris, who said he was unable to determine exactly when in the showering process the rock first comes into play, told reporters he is equally clueless about what part of the body the rock is used on. In addition, Ferris said he occasionally inspects the roughly 3-ounce object when he’s in Milstein’s shower, and told reporters that the rock is nearly always wet and is occasionally moved to slightly different spots within the bathtub, leading him to believe that his girlfriend uses it fairly regularly. He also noted his girlfriend’s bathing time never seems particularly longer than the average person’s considering she has added a rock into the mix. Ferris added that all attempts to incorporate the rock into his own shower routine have ultimately been unsuccessful. “I tried rubbing it on my skin once, and it hurt,” Ferris said, concluding that pouring soap and water directly onto the rock neither made it softer nor easier on his skin. “I could maybe see how it could get some dirt off of your body, but it seems too painful to work. Her skin usually looks nice though, so maybe I’m wrong.” “There is a chance it could be a hair thing,” Ferris continued. “Maybe she rubs the rock in her hair? I don’t know.” Ferris confirmed he has considered numerous reasons for why his girlfriend uses the rock in the shower, including that she has some type of skin condition, that the rock is some sort of weird tradition her family has, or that everyone uses rocks in the shower and he has been out of the loop the entire time. “It could be for cleaning the bathtub,” said Ferris, adding he once suspected the rock was a device for making the bathroom smell nice, but then noticed it had no discernible smell whatsoever. “Like every few weekends she scrubs the tub with this rock? I guess I could see Sarah doing that.” While Ferris said he is mostly certain that the rock was initially purchased at a home goods store of some kind, he was not able to completely rule out the possibility it was just a rock that his girlfriend found on the ground and decided to put in her shower. “I wonder if I should put a rock in my shower for when she’s over here,” said Ferris, who said he once tried to locate a rock at a Bed Bath Beyond, but left after not wanting to walk up to a sales clerk and ask them where they kept their “shower rocks.” “Or I could just tell her to leave a rock at my place if she wants.” “I’m probably not going to do that,” Ferris added. At press time, a visibly perplexed Ferris had seen the rock sitting in Milstein’s trashcan and then looked in the shower to see another rock sitting in its place.

rubitrightintomyeyes: theonion: Rock Apparently Factors Into Girlfriend’s Shower Routine SEATTLE—Saying he was confused about the full exte...

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Ass, Bailey Jay, and Booty: You just coming over to chill. Don't think you getting no pussy cause you ain't." alwaysbewoke: boulevard-of-june-30th: alwaysbewoke: banglethevisionary: mazabrei: pattythenest: beautifuldarkkskkin: alwaysbewoke: tinii1225: alwaysbewoke: greyscalesound: luvmangosdope: tokillatequila: greyscalesound: brothadom: naturalistamisslyn: grandpaq: the1movement: mimialtchell: kushandwizdom: Her leg … the sink 😭😭😭 This is all too real 😂😂😩 😂😂😂😂 So this is why she was mad i didnt try anything… i was so confused 😩 Y'all don’t be understand the contortions we do to get the smooovest pussy Yo half us don’t even need all that 😂 we’re just happy to be in the game Real talk the I can only imagine the opportunities I’ve passed up smh can’t y'all just be straightforward? Seriously why can’t you just be straightforward? Lmao men are so clueless Its not a hint when you say THE EXACT OPPOSITE of how you feel 🙄 aggy lol ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ We don’t have the luxury of being straight forward​. and men don’t have the luxury of guessing whether or not you mean what you said because one wrong move and it’s 10yrs in rikers for attempted rape. all because we read a signal wrong. this is why i’m so glad i’m a grown ass man dating grown ass women. grown ass women know how to flirt, know how to tell you want they want, ain’t about that “hint” bullshit… fuck a grown ass woman will tell you straight up “you better come get this pussy.” hahaha. a grown ass woman will tell you to come over and to bring a toothbrush. a grown ass woman will tell you it’s cold outside but her mouth is warm. a grown ass woman will tell you she’s the only thing on the menu tonight. a grown ass woman will look you right in the eye, run her fingers across your lips and dare you NOT to kiss her. a grown ass woman will kiss you right when you walk in like you’ve been away fighting a war for the last 10 years. a grown ass woman will sit right on your fucking lap. a grown ass woman will take your arm, wrap it around your waste and then back her booty right into you. a grown ass woman will give you a glass of wine and straddle you. she ain’t about misleading contradicting hints. she grown, she knows what she wants, go gets it and praise shanaynay for her!! Say it louder for the little girls in the back!! Fuckin preach that shit @luvmangosdope and @tinii1225 Take this fucking hint What I’ve gathered from how my friends interact with men: “No means no. Unless it means yes. And you better know the fucking difference you clueless pervert.” @alwaysbewoke preach my nigga preach yea but ain’t shit changing… wait! liking tweets and ig pics are hints now?  damn! i’m so happy to be a fucking grown ass man dealing with grown ass women.  These are the same women that will say “communication is important” what are you communicating? Hand signs? @alwaysbewoke 👏🏿👏🏿
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Boner, Brains, and Children: Myths About Men That Need To Be Eradicated 1. That we don't like cuddlin'. I will cuddle your brains out. I will cuddle you so good you will walk funny the next day 2. We're not all emotionally stunted, sex driven idiots who think that women are some enigma 3. Men are worse parents, and less nurturing, than women 4. Just because I need to be physically attracted to a girl I'd like to date doesn't imply I only like girls for their looks 5. That if we like kids, we're pedophiles. 6. "Men shouldn't cry." Screw you, I ain't made out of stone 7. That men cannot ever be victims of sexual assault. 8. That men cannot ever be the victims of domestic abuse by a female partner. 9. That men can't be affectionate, we just fake it for sex. 10. That we don't get harshly judged for our appearance, and specifically our height. 11. I'm not talking to you just because I want to bone you 12. That, as a man and father, I'm incapable of changing diapers, feeding and nurturing my children, taking my kids to the park, am generally clueless when it comes to making decisions about household matters, can't grocery shop, can't sew or cook, and generally have no clue what to do with my kids/house/money 13. Ladies, really, we have no idea what we did. Stop being mad and explain 14. Commercials make us look like bumbling idiots who can't dress ourselves. 15. When women say we ALL stereotype women, which is really them stereotyping men 16. That men think about sex every 7 seconds I/. All men like sports 18. That by being sexually attracted to you, we are somehow dehumanizing you, or objectifying you. This can happen, but it is not an automatic consequence of a man's sexuality 19. Having a boner doesn't always mean that we're excited, it can just happen for no goddamn reason and it doesn't make us more perverted than you girls! 20. That enjoying effeminate things and enjoying women are mutually exclusive srsfunny:Some Men Want To See The World Demystified
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Apparently, Confused, and Family: Rock Apparently Factors Into Girlfriend's Shower Routine NEWS Local Relationships ISSUE 49-29 Jul 16, 2013 23 Jacob Ferris, 25, has no idea what his girlfriend Sarah uses this rock in her shower for rubitrightintomyeyes: theonion: Rock Apparently Factors Into Girlfriend’s Shower Routine SEATTLE—Saying he was confused about the full extent of its purpose as well as its overall benefit, local man Jacob Ferris, 25, nonetheless surmised today that the oblong rock located in girlfriend Sarah Milstein’s shower caddy must somehow factor into her bathing routine, sources confirmed. “I guess at some point while she’s showering, she rubs a rock on her body,” said Ferris, expressing what he claimed was “the only possible conclusion” about the light-gray rock in his girlfriend’s bathroom. “I mean, it looks sort of nice, so she could just have it there for decoration or something. But it’s usually right near all the other soaps and her loofah, so I think it’s probably something she actually uses while under the water.” “I really don’t know how it all works,” Ferris added. “All I know is that in between Sarah getting into the shower and getting out, there’s a rock involved.” Ferris, who said he was unable to determine exactly when in the showering process the rock first comes into play, told reporters he is equally clueless about what part of the body the rock is used on. In addition, Ferris said he occasionally inspects the roughly 3-ounce object when he’s in Milstein’s shower, and told reporters that the rock is nearly always wet and is occasionally moved to slightly different spots within the bathtub, leading him to believe that his girlfriend uses it fairly regularly. He also noted his girlfriend’s bathing time never seems particularly longer than the average person’s considering she has added a rock into the mix. Ferris added that all attempts to incorporate the rock into his own shower routine have ultimately been unsuccessful. “I tried rubbing it on my skin once, and it hurt,” Ferris said, concluding that pouring soap and water directly onto the rock neither made it softer nor easier on his skin. “I could maybe see how it could get some dirt off of your body, but it seems too painful to work. Her skin usually looks nice though, so maybe I’m wrong.” “There is a chance it could be a hair thing,” Ferris continued. “Maybe she rubs the rock in her hair? I don’t know.” Ferris confirmed he has considered numerous reasons for why his girlfriend uses the rock in the shower, including that she has some type of skin condition, that the rock is some sort of weird tradition her family has, or that everyone uses rocks in the shower and he has been out of the loop the entire time. “It could be for cleaning the bathtub,” said Ferris, adding he once suspected the rock was a device for making the bathroom smell nice, but then noticed it had no discernible smell whatsoever. “Like every few weekends she scrubs the tub with this rock? I guess I could see Sarah doing that.” While Ferris said he is mostly certain that the rock was initially purchased at a home goods store of some kind, he was not able to completely rule out the possibility it was just a rock that his girlfriend found on the ground and decided to put in her shower. “I wonder if I should put a rock in my shower for when she’s over here,” said Ferris, who said he once tried to locate a rock at a Bed Bath Beyond, but left after not wanting to walk up to a sales clerk and ask them where they kept their “shower rocks.” “Or I could just tell her to leave a rock at my place if she wants.” “I’m probably not going to do that,” Ferris added. At press time, a visibly perplexed Ferris had seen the rock sitting in Milstein’s trashcan and then looked in the shower to see another rock sitting in its place.

rubitrightintomyeyes: theonion: Rock Apparently Factors Into Girlfriend’s Shower Routine SEATTLE—Saying he was confused about the full ext...

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