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Apparently, Ass, and Crying: Anonymous 08/16/16(Tue)12:24:09 No.699763279 be fat >go to /fit/ and find a solution >main problem is i eat like a dumpster apparently things with loads of fiber is going to 211 KB JPG save my filthy soul "Fiber is digested slowly, leaving you feeling full longer, and helps with digestion" go out and buy two boxes of fiber-heavy breakfast bars the first day i have fiber bars for breakfast, lunch and a lot of snacks i dont shit that day next day i fiber myself up even more i dont shit that day either >fiber jesus is surely working his magic in my colon can feel the pounds dropping off because im not very hungry anymore i dont shit the third day >i dont shit the fourth day thefinaldaydawns.mp3 si have my morning coffee and feel my insides rumble in that familiar way the second i hit the toilet the weirdest fart in the world exits me it's whistling just a thin, continuous airstream of fart that smells like grandpapas coffin >no sound other than the whistling hiss suddenly stops the hole is plugged SOS >this shit is so solid it feels like i'm giving anal birth to Dwayne "The rock" Johnson >hang on to the shower curtain and pray the rock is shot out of my asshole at mach speed >my entire ass is covered in toilet water >now the fun begins a fart that could do more damage to thee ozone layer than aerosol ever did is shooting shit bullets out of me solid and prefectly round nuggets the smell is killing me blacking out the thuds of nuggets shooting around the bowl propelled by my insane fiber flatulence is giving me war flashbacks iwasntevenin'nam.jpeg my guts are yelling in german sounds like a moose in heat lives in my belly most of the shit isn't even digested at this point just forced out by all the gas that had been building up to my throat after an hour it finally seems to be over sim shivering and crying both legs collapse as i try to stand up >my stomach hitting the bathroom tiles forces one last trumpet gondorcallsforaid.rar shakily wipe my ass completely clean feniczoroark: larjmarge: itsperegrine: the-mighty-birdy: carolina-viking: th3laugh1ngt0mat0: carolina-viking: Holy fucking shit I CANT BREATHE I HAVE TEARS STREAMING DOWN MY FACE Pretty sure this has the most notes of any of my posts gondorcallsforaid.rar I’m in a ball on my bed with tears streaming down my face If I have to read this, so do you. This is funnier than it should be Omfg
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Head, School, and Teacher: 2 SWNS The head teacher of a primary school was laid to rest in a coffin covered by her students drawings.

The head teacher of a primary school was laid to rest in a coffin covered by her students drawings.

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Head, School, and Teacher: 2 SWNS The head teacher of a primary school was laid to rest in a coffin covered by her students drawings. via /r/wholesomememes http://bit.ly/2R2AOYp

The head teacher of a primary school was laid to rest in a coffin covered by her students drawings. via /r/wholesomememes http://bit.ly/2R2A...

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Drawings, Her, and Fairy: Teachers heartbroken pupils covered her coffin in drawings and fairy dust.

Teachers heartbroken pupils covered her coffin in drawings and fairy dust.

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Beautiful, Life, and School: flowersinbonecages: 19 delete edit You're pathetic. Please kill yourself Anonymous The other day I was very seriously contemplating suicide. Had I received a message like this then, I legitimately believe I would have attempted to take my own life. Unfortunately for you, two days ago a littie boy saved me. I didn't even know him -yet as we passed each other he said I was beautiful and deserved to live. Just like that. As tumbir becomes more populated, the amount of times I see hate on my dash is becoming more frequent. Often after my initial fury at seeing the cruel message dies down, I wonder what it is in the anonymous' life that has made them so bitter, heartless and cold, that they feel compelled to tell someone that they are not beautiful or are undeserving of life. I have failed to think of anything. I can find no reasons for such inhumanity. 3 weeks ago, a 13 year old girl from my town committed suicide because she was being bullied. The amount of people it affected is astounding. Her father is going to walk her down the aisle in a coffin as oppose to a beautiful white wedding dress. He's probably going to cry himself to sleep tonight like he has done since she she died. He still remembers holding her the day she was born and promising to protect her no matter what. Her mum is never going to teach her how to put her new born baby to sleep. She is never going to have a first kiss. Have sex. Travel the world. Feel the rush of relief when she finishes her final exam. Turn eighteen. Have a baby. Feel anxious when her child goes to school for the first time. Someone murdered her with their words. Someone like you. I'm naive to think you will never send hate again, but please learn two things from my response. 1. t takes a few kind words to save someones life. 2. It takes a few cruel words to take someones life. VIA THEMETAPICTURE.COM epicjohndoe: Such A Beautiful Thought

epicjohndoe: Such A Beautiful Thought

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Cute, Dude, and Google: Verizon LTE 1:12 AM @ 7058% omg-foreverfilledwithweird-posts navonneedsahug Follow zzdigital What if someone got bitten by a vampire, but didn't realize it. So then they go around and keep misidentifying all the symptoms, like "Dude, you haven't gone outside in a while." "Yeah, last time I went out I got this wicked sunburn." "Are you still up?" "Yeah, I started bing watching this show on Netflix." "Dude, I'm seriously craving something right now." "Like what?" "I dunno. Pizza rolls?" adriofthedead "Why is it that you never come into my house unless I invite you?" "Um, it's called 'being polite...?" paulichu "I tried cooking with garlic the other night and got this serious burn on my hand. I think I'm allergic, but all I'm getting on Google is vampire bullshit." samarajournal "Dude can a mirror like... stop working or something?" espeoradar Dude, why do you keep posting pictures of the floor?" "..Those are meant to be selfies, I guess my camera must be broken." "Dude, I am all for you expressing your religious beliefs, but could you not wear your crucifix when I'm around? It really bugs me for some reason." stealing-your-wife "Have you ever noticed how cute bat:s are? like really noticed? sweet lil balls of fluff with wings man." nickthepigeon "I want to sleep in a coffin...ya kno, for like... aesthetic" cipollakate "What's with your thing about necks lately?" "MUST YOU KINKSHAME ME IN MY OWN HOME" nightrhain "I looked up my symptoms on WebMD, and it says I have cancer." samwise-the-true-hero This last addition made the reblog obligatory. This one wins 935,331 notesD Tailor Automatic Screenshot Stitching Vampire?
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Memes, Getty Images, and Images: ALEX EDELMAN/AFP/Getty Images Former Senator Bob Dole salutes before the flag-draped coffin of former President George H. W. Bush at the U.S. Capitol rotunda.

Former Senator Bob Dole salutes before the flag-draped coffin of former President George H. W. Bush at the U.S. Capitol rotunda.

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Ass, Birthday, and Christmas: A What's the rudest thing a guest has 5173 ever done in your home? (self.AskReddit) posted to AskReddit 4 hours ago by nl1004 2303 comments sorted by top DONE HIDE A PREV NEXT V A Jombafomb 19496 points 3 hours ago x2 Everyone has a story from their childhood that still pisses them off, this is mine. I was five years old and my snotty older cousin was over at our house. I had just gotten a copy of Mike Tyson's Punch out for my birthday. He was getting his ass kicked by king hippo and he got so angry he rage quit. But he didn't just rage quit, he ripped the cartridge out of the Nintendo and spit into it. Then he threw it across the room and stormed out. I told my parents what happened and they told his parents and they made him apologize, but the game was ruined. It would kind of play, but would freeze up all the time. My family barely had enough money to get me the game for my birthday never mind buying it again. I was sure I would never be able to play it again Then for Christmas this little shit got Mike Tyson's Punch Out. So my older brother went over to his house and switched our ruined cartridge with his. It was awesome. A Jombafomb 13320 points 7 hours ago x2 I could write a book with tales of his awesomeness. When I was 12 he snuck me out of the house in the middle of the night to see The Foo Fighters (before they were the biggest band on earth) At the end of their set William Goldsmith (their drummer at the time) threw his sticks into the crowd and my brother dove headfirst and emerged victoriously with the sticks over his head a minute later. He gave them to me as a memento of my first real rock show. I put one in his coffin and the other I still have to this day. We still fought all the time like brothers do, but no one could mess with me so long as he was around awesomacious: Redditor shares a few heartwarming stories about his elder brother.
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Ass, Birthday, and Christmas: A What's the rudest thing a guest has 5173 ever done in your home? (self.AskReddit) posted to AskReddit 4 hours ago by nl1004 2303 comments sorted by top DONE HIDE A PREV NEXT V A Jombafomb 19496 points 3 hours ago x2 Everyone has a story from their childhood that still pisses them off, this is mine. I was five years old and my snotty older cousin was over at our house. I had just gotten a copy of Mike Tyson's Punch out for my birthday. He was getting his ass kicked by king hippo and he got so angry he rage quit. But he didn't just rage quit, he ripped the cartridge out of the Nintendo and spit into it. Then he threw it across the room and stormed out. I told my parents what happened and they told his parents and they made him apologize, but the game was ruined. It would kind of play, but would freeze up all the time. My family barely had enough money to get me the game for my birthday never mind buying it again. I was sure I would never be able to play it again Then for Christmas this little shit got Mike Tyson's Punch Out. So my older brother went over to his house and switched our ruined cartridge with his. It was awesome. A Jombafomb 13320 points 7 hours ago x2 I could write a book with tales of his awesomeness. When I was 12 he snuck me out of the house in the middle of the night to see The Foo Fighters (before they were the biggest band on earth) At the end of their set William Goldsmith (their drummer at the time) threw his sticks into the crowd and my brother dove headfirst and emerged victoriously with the sticks over his head a minute later. He gave them to me as a memento of my first real rock show. I put one in his coffin and the other I still have to this day. We still fought all the time like brothers do, but no one could mess with me so long as he was around Redditor shares a few heartwarming stories about his elder brother.
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Ass, Birthday, and Christmas: A What's the rudest thing a guest has 5173 ever done in your home? (self.AskReddit) posted to AskReddit 4 hours ago by nl1004 2303 comments sorted by top DONE HIDE A PREV NEXT V A Jombafomb 19496 points 3 hours ago x2 Everyone has a story from their childhood that still pisses them off, this is mine. I was five years old and my snotty older cousin was over at our house. I had just gotten a copy of Mike Tyson's Punch out for my birthday. He was getting his ass kicked by king hippo and he got so angry he rage quit. But he didn't just rage quit, he ripped the cartridge out of the Nintendo and spit into it. Then he threw it across the room and stormed out. I told my parents what happened and they told his parents and they made him apologize, but the game was ruined. It would kind of play, but would freeze up all the time. My family barely had enough money to get me the game for my birthday never mind buying it again. I was sure I would never be able to play it again Then for Christmas this little shit got Mike Tyson's Punch Out. So my older brother went over to his house and switched our ruined cartridge with his. It was awesome. A Jombafomb 13320 points 7 hours ago x2 I could write a book with tales of his awesomeness. When I was 12 he snuck me out of the house in the middle of the night to see The Foo Fighters (before they were the biggest band on earth) At the end of their set William Goldsmith (their drummer at the time) threw his sticks into the crowd and my brother dove headfirst and emerged victoriously with the sticks over his head a minute later. He gave them to me as a memento of my first real rock show. I put one in his coffin and the other I still have to this day. We still fought all the time like brothers do, but no one could mess with me so long as he was around Redditor shares a few heartwarming stories about his elder brother. via /r/wholesomememes https://ift.tt/2QSr17M
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Ass, Birthday, and Christmas: A What's the rudest thing a guest has 5173 ever done in your home? (self.AskReddit) posted to AskReddit 4 hours ago by nl1004 2303 comments sorted by top DONE HIDE A PREV NEXT V A Jombafomb 19496 points 3 hours ago x2 Everyone has a story from their childhood that still pisses them off, this is mine. I was five years old and my snotty older cousin was over at our house. I had just gotten a copy of Mike Tyson's Punch out for my birthday. He was getting his ass kicked by king hippo and he got so angry he rage quit. But he didn't just rage quit, he ripped the cartridge out of the Nintendo and spit into it. Then he threw it across the room and stormed out. I told my parents what happened and they told his parents and they made him apologize, but the game was ruined. It would kind of play, but would freeze up all the time. My family barely had enough money to get me the game for my birthday never mind buying it again. I was sure I would never be able to play it again Then for Christmas this little shit got Mike Tyson's Punch Out. So my older brother went over to his house and switched our ruined cartridge with his. It was awesome. A Jombafomb 13320 points 7 hours ago x2 I could write a book with tales of his awesomeness. When I was 12 he snuck me out of the house in the middle of the night to see The Foo Fighters (before they were the biggest band on earth) At the end of their set William Goldsmith (their drummer at the time) threw his sticks into the crowd and my brother dove headfirst and emerged victoriously with the sticks over his head a minute later. He gave them to me as a memento of my first real rock show. I put one in his coffin and the other I still have to this day. We still fought all the time like brothers do, but no one could mess with me so long as he was around Redditor shares a few heartwarming stories about his elder brother.
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