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Fucking, God, and Life: photoshop-and-chocolate today i learned nipples grow back and now have to figure out what to do with this information photoshop-and-chocolate (Why did you have to take us down with you oh my god)) cuz if i needed to learn it everyone else has to too dualclock I know nipples grow back because once when i was in middle school in my art class a bunch of dudesat my table who were always fucking around instead of doing their work heard a rumor that if you spray AXE directly onto your nipple for exactly sixty seconds, and flicked it, your nipple will come off. So the moment the teacher left the room to go to the bathroom or something, they whip out a can and one brave soul among their number begins to spray himself, while the others chanted ritualistically. At 60 seconds, they watched, giggling as the young man put his hand up to his breast and flicked. to their horror, the nipple did come off and, at ballistic speeds, soared across the table and hit me right in the cheek. And stuck. So everyone who was aware of this spectacle is sitting there in stunned silence, all while blood gushed from the nipple hole of the young man. I am so stunned that I am literally incapable of moving, having astral-projected so far away from this disembodied nipple that i may as well have been a dead man. The teacher returns and his shirt comes down, in an attempt to hide the tomfoolery, but yall know AXE Body Spray knows nothing of mercy, and almost immediately she was alerted to the scent of defeat and the sight of blood seeping through the young mans shirt. She didnt ask for an explaination, simply advised him to take the pass and go to the nurse. As he stands to go, his fellow comerade, remembering me suddenly, reaches over and plucks the bodiless nipple from my cheek, like a grape from the vine, and runs up to his friend with the words "dont forget your nipple". It was a moving experience that honestly changed my life forever. I'm a new man after that day. The day he became a man
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80s, Beyonce, and Fucking: POST OF arkhamsiren binwonderlang I'm really mad so lemme just put this psa out into the world DO YOU SEE THIS MASCARA? THIS MASCARA IS CALLED MAYBELLINE THE ROCKET VOLUME EXPRESS I WENT TO GO BUY MASCARA THE OTHER DAY AND THIS SHIT WAS ONE DOLLAR CHEAPER THAN MY USUAL MASCARA (rimmel sexy curves) SO I BOUGHT IT (because I'm a fool of a took) AND COULD WRITE SONNETS ABOUT THE WAYS IN WHICH IT IS TERRIBLE THE BRISTLES ARE ODDLY SHORT AND DON'T CATCH YOUR LASHES PROPERLY EVEN THOUGH THEYRE RUBBER OR PLASTIC OR SOME PINE NEEDLE SHIT IT CLUMPED ALL OF MY EYELASHES IMMIDIATELY UPON IMPACT AND THEY WOULDN'T SEPARATE EVEN WHEN USING AN EYELASH COMB IT WOULD NOT COME OFF. AND NO IT IS NOT THE WATERPROOF KIND BECAUSE I CHECKED FOR THAT BEFORE AND AFTER BUYING IT. I USED MAKEUP REMOVER TWICE, CLEANSED MY FACE WITH THE STRENGTH OF GASTON, TONED LIKE OLIVIA NEWTON JOHN IN THE 80'S, AND STILL HAD OPAQUE BLACK STREAKS DOWN MY FACE. YOU KNOW HOW YOU BUY MASCARA AND YOU'RE SO EXCITED TO USE IT AND THEN THE FIRST TIME YOU DO IT'S LIKE THE HEAVENS OPEN UP AND LITTLE CHERUBS FLOAT DOWN FROM PEARLESCENT CLOUDS AND KISS YOUR EYELASHES GENTLY AND YOU FEEL LIKE YOU CAN DO ANYTHING AND THAT BEYONCE HERSELF HAS NODDED AT YOU AND WHISPERED "FIERCE" USING THIS FOR THE FIRST TIME WAS MORE LIKE POOPING IN A PUBLIC TOILET ON A SCALE OF ONE TO HORRENDOUS I WOULD GIVE IT ELEVEN MILLION STARS IM MAD!!! this is the best review of any product ever Source: albinwonderland Fucking mabeline
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Ass, Clothes, and England: The Ionian Chiton The Dorian Chiton. bramblepatch: countlessscreamingargonauts: scarimor: bmwiid: woodsmokeandwords: uidu-regani: tardygrading: spazzbot: ardatli: annathecrow: ardatli: childrentalking: itwashotwestayedinthewater: fabledquill: killerchickadee: intheheatherbright: intheheatherbright: Costume. Chitons. Marjorie C. H. B.Quennell, Everyday Things in Archaic Greece (London: B. T. Batsford, 1931). Wait, wait…. Is that seriously it? How their clothes go? that genuinely is it yeah hey whats up bout to put some fucking giant sheets on my body lets bring back sheetwares When you’re carding, spinning and weaving everything from scratch, using the big squares exactly as they come off the loom must seem like a fucking brilliant idea. 90% (or more) of pre-14th century clothing is made purely on squares (and sometimes triangles cut from squares).  How did they get the fabric so fine it draped like that? Was that something medieval europe forgot? Or do I just have a completely misguided image of historical clothing? Medieval Europe also had incredibly fine weaves, though the ancient world tended to have them beat. Linen was found in Egypt woven with a fineness that we’re still trying to replicate, and there was a kind of cotton woven in India called ‘woven wind’ that was supposedly still translucent at eight layers, and wool shawls so fine that the entire thing could be drawn through a wedding ring.  The way they could get away with pinking and slashing doublets in the 16th century was partially because the fabrics were so tightly woven that you could simply cut a line on the bias and nothing would fray.  Modern fabric machining sucks ass in terms of giving us any kind of quality like the kind human beings produced prior to the Industrial Revolution.  *yells about textile history* Reblogging because it’s fascinating. The Celts made very fine clothing as well. They invented plaid after all, and the same weaves that have been found at the La Tene/Halstatt salt mines in Austria were also found as far away as western China in the tombs of the Tarim mummies. Can we talk about 18th century and regency era muslin as well because that shit is gorgeous. It’s so fine it’s more transparent than silk chiffon and oh the tiny hems you can make with it!! I have an 18th century neckerchief and the hem is about 2mm wide. Not kidding, 2mm!!! Because it didn’t fray like our stuff does now. All we can produce nowadays is a rough, scratchy, bullshit excuse for muslin and it’s horrid. I love this because we’ve gotten so blind to what makes ‘good’ fabric now - machine lace? horrible scratchy shit mostly made from poly. Actual lace is handmade, lasts for fucking EVER and looks stunning.  Regency gowns fucking rocked in terms of fabric quality - we use muslin as a ‘throw away’ before sewing the real fabric, back then it WAS a real fabric and it was so finely made you wouldn’t even think it was the same stuff.  Hand hemming is still the best way to finish off anything, but harder than hell because of the shitty weave of modern fabrics.  Satin? Silks?! Pah. Yes, fabric is cheaper, more affordable and varied than before, but it is an area where QUALITY was sacrificed for QUANTITY.  (I don’t want to seem like I’m shitting on how great we have it now for clothes and martials or anything, because YAY!! but also, I’d love to get my mits on a bolt of real Muslin)  archaeologists recently found some Bronze Age fabric woven on site and preserved in marsh in England. it’s fine to die for. they were exporting it and trading into Asia. I’m not into fashion, but I love reading about the history and evolution of it. My favorite textile history fact is that the ancient Romans loved really sheer, floaty silks, but at the time the fashion in China, where the silk was produced, was for heavy, intricate brocades. So the Romans would import the heavier fabrics, painstakingly unravel them, and use the silk thread to weave the fabric they liked.
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