🔥 Popular | Latest

Alive, Beard, and Children: feniczoroark: minority-cubed: princemetalthunder: skrill-cosby: drucila616: How Do Court Reporters Keep Straight Faces?These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place.ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?WITNESS: He said, ‘Where am I, Cathy?’ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?WITNESS: My name is Susan!_______________________________ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.____________________________________________ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?WITNESS: No, I just lie there.____________________________________________ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?WITNESS: July 18th.ATTORNEY: What year?WITNESS: Every year._____________________________________ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which.ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?WITNESS: Forty-five years._________________________________ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?WITNESS: I forget..ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?___________________________________________ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?____________________________________ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?WITNESS: He’s 20, much like your IQ.___________________________________________ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?WITNESS: Are you shitting me?_________________________________________ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?WITNESS: Getting laid____________________________________________ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: How many were boys?WITNESS: None.ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?____________________________________________ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?WITNESS: By death..ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?WITNESS: Take a guess.___________________________________________ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beardATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I’m going with male._____________________________________ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.______________________________________ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight._________________________________________ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?WITNESS: Oral…_________________________________________ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PMATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.____________________________________________ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?______________________________________And last:ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?WITNESS: No..ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law. oh my god these are great fuck this is like reading a jokes and not actual quotes The last one is how I feel about all my schoolmates I can feel the frustration
Save
Alive, Bodies , and Life: If you're pronounced dead when your heart stops beating... Fetal heartbeat 18 days after conception ..why aren't you pronounced alive when your heart starts beating? Be My Voice goandannouce Actually you're not considered dead when your heart stops beating. This is why many medical professionals still try to revive those whose hearts have stopped. Because medicine and science has found that death is not considered when your heart as stopped, but once all brain activity has ceased. Which is why they usually have around six minutes before there is no chance to revive. Because when the heart has stopped, your brain cells are deprived of oxygen and start to die. Fetuses do not have regular brain activity until 25 weeks. At this point in gestation the only time an abortion would be performed is out of medical necessity to save the mother's life, or to spare the fetus from a short and painful life. These only make up 1 % of all abortions. And therefore by this argument, but with the knowledge of what is actually classified as death, a fetus isn't 'alive' until roughly 25 weeks. Far after 99% of abortions are performed Please do actual research before trying to use emotional manipulative photos of babies that are born and NOT fetusesbefore parading it out and believing it as fact, Because you are only seriously misinforming yourself, and many others and furthering contributing to a movement that tries to control women's bodies, when what they do with it does not affect Professional choice

Professional choice

Save
Alive, Beard, and Children: princemetalthunder: skrill-cosby: drucila616: How Do Court Reporters Keep Straight Faces?These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place.ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?WITNESS: He said, ‘Where am I, Cathy?’ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?WITNESS: My name is Susan!_______________________________ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.____________________________________________ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?WITNESS: No, I just lie there.____________________________________________ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?WITNESS: July 18th.ATTORNEY: What year?WITNESS: Every year._____________________________________ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which.ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?WITNESS: Forty-five years._________________________________ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?WITNESS: I forget..ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?___________________________________________ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?____________________________________ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?WITNESS: He’s 20, much like your IQ.___________________________________________ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?WITNESS: Are you shitting me?_________________________________________ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?WITNESS: Getting laid____________________________________________ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: How many were boys?WITNESS: None.ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?____________________________________________ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?WITNESS: By death..ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?WITNESS: Take a guess.___________________________________________ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beardATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I’m going with male._____________________________________ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.______________________________________ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight._________________________________________ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?WITNESS: Oral…_________________________________________ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PMATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.____________________________________________ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?______________________________________And last:ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?WITNESS: No..ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law. oh my god these are great fuck this is like reading a jokes and not actual quotes
Save
Bad, Club, and Fire: This list of reasons for admission to a lunatic asylum in the 1800s reads like a list of potential metal band names... REASONS FOR ADMISSION 1864 TO 1889 INTEMPERANCE & BUSINESS TROUBLE DISSOLUTE HABITS KICKED IN THE HEAD BY A HORSE HEREDITARY PREDISPOSITION ILL TREATMENT BY HUSBAND IMAGINARY FEMALE TROUBLE HYSTERIA IMMORAL LIFE IMPRISONMENT JEALOUSY AND RELIGION LAZINESS MARRIAGE OF SON MASTURBATION & SYPHILIS MASTURBATION FOR 30 YEARS MEDICINE TO PREVENT CONCEPTION SUPPRESSED MASTURBATION MENSTRUAL DERANGED MENTAL EXCITEMENT NOVEL READING NYMPHOMANIA OPIUM HABIT OVER ACTION OF THE MIND OVER STUDY OF RELIGION OVER TAXING MENTAL POWERS PARENTS WERE COUSINS PERIODICAL FITS TOBACCO & MASTURBATION POLITICAL EXCITEMENT POLITICS RELIGIOUS ENTHUSIASM FEVER AND LOSS OF LAW SUIT FITS AND DESERTION OF HUSBAND ASTHMA BAD COMPANY BAD HABITS & POLITICAL EXCITEMENTSALVATION ARMY BAD WHISKEY BLOODY FLUX BRAIN FEVER BUSINESS NERVES CARBONIC ACID GAS CONGESTION OF BRAIN DEATH OF SONS IN WAR DECOYED INTO THE ARMY DERANGED MASTURBATION DESERTION BY HUSBAND DOMESTIC AFFLICTION DOMESTIC TROUBLE DROPSY EGOTISM EPILEPTIC FITS EXCESSIVE SEXUAL ABUSE EXCITEMENT AS OFFICER EXPOSURE AND HEREDITARY EXPOSURE AND QUACKERY EXPOSURE IN ARMY FEVER AND JEALOUSY FIGHTING FIRE SUPPRESSION OF MENSES THE WAR TIME OF LIFE UTERINE DERANGEMENT VENEREAL EXCESSES VICIOUS VICES WOMEN TROUBLE SUPERSTITION SHOOTING OF DAUGHTER SMALL POX SNUFF EATING FOR 2 YEARS SPINAL IRRITATION GATHERING IN THE HEAD GREEDINESS GUNSHOT WOUND HARD STUDy RUMOR OF HUSBAND MURDER SCARLATINA SEDUCTION & DISAPPOINTMENT SELF ABUSE SEXUAL ABUSE & STIMULANTS SEXUAL DERANGEMENT FALSE CONFINEMENT FEEBLENESS OF INTELLECT FELL FROM HORSE IN WAR FEMALE DISEASE DISSIPATION OF NERVES laughoutloud-club: Quite The Reasons For Admission
Save
Anaconda, Bad, and Gif: Ej Dickson @ejdickson Follow GOP: abortion is bad WOMEN: ok we'll use birth control GOP: thats bad too WOMEN: GOP: I mean if yall could just like die that'd be ideal 9:57 AM-6 Oct 2017 26,389 Retweets 73,922 Likes ge uie o @ ο 444 26K 74K Steph Evz @StephEvz43 Oct 6 Replying to @ejdickson I keep posting this, but it's from the 1917 trial of Margaret Sanger, a birth control activist. Still accurate 100 years later. 'Why did you go there?" "To have her stop the babies." attorney cross-examined the same witnesses dren have you?" that didn't live."9 In the end, the judge ruled that no woman has "the right to copulate with a feeling of security that there will be no resulting conception" if a woman isn't willing to die in childbirth, she shouldn't have sex. y, February 2, the day after Byrne duled for the following Monday you are sent to the workhouse?" Sanger was found gu was pardoned "Will a re t decided.30 sentenced to thirty days. She refused ng to prison. But she didn't go on a hun From the Queens County Penitentiary Sanger wrote to Byrne, t 9 33 ti 508 796 Steph Evz @StephEvz43 Oct 6 The book is "The Secret History of Wonder Woman" if anyone is interested 10 13 101 tobeyisprochoice: informative-feminist: “If a woman isn’t willing to die in childbirth, she shouldn’t have sex.” My god. Men get pleasure and women get death. That’s what this is saying. I don’t even know how to react to this.

tobeyisprochoice: informative-feminist: “If a woman isn’t willing to die in childbirth, she shouldn’t have sex.” My god. Men get pleasure...

Save
Alive, Beard, and Calvin Johnson: dail alexander Follow drucila616 How Do Court Reporters Keep Straight Faces? These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning? WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy? ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you? WITNESS: My name is Susan! ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active? WITNESS: No, Ijust lie there ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth? WITNESS: July 18th ATTORNEY: What year? WITNESS: Every year ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you? WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you? WITNESS: Forty-five years ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at al WITNESS: Yes ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory? WITNESS: I forget.. ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot? ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning? WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam? ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how I5 WITNESS: He's 20, much like your IQ. ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken? WITNESS: Are you shitting me? ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time? WITNESS: Getting laid ATTORNEY: She had three children, right? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: How many were boys? WITNESS: None. ATTORNEY: Were there any girls? WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney? ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated? WITNESS: By death. ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated? WITNESS: Take a guess ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual? WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female? WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney? WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people? WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to? WITNESS: Oral.. ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time? WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished. ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample? WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question? And last Stitch ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor? WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have stili been alive, nevertheless? WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law skrill-cosby oh my god these are great fuck this is like reading a jokes and not actual quotes Source 1,411,980 notes Witness v. Attorney: Dawn of Jokes
Save
Bad, Club, and Fire: This list of reasons for admission to a lunatic asylum in the 1800s reads like a list of potential metal band names... REASONS FOR ADMISSION 1864 TO 1889 INTEMPERANCE & BUSINESS TROUBLE DISSOLUTE HABITS KICKED IN THE HEAD BY A HORSE HEREDITARY PREDISPOSITION ILL TREATMENT BY HUSBAND IMAGINARY FEMALE TROUBLE HYSTERIA IMMORAL LIFE IMPRISONMENT JEALOUSY AND RELIGION LAZINESS MARRIAGE OF SON MASTURBATION & SYPHILIS MASTURBATION FOR 30 YEARS MEDICINE TO PREVENT CONCEPTION SUPPRESSED MASTURBATION MENSTRUAL DERANGED MENTAL EXCITEMENT NOVEL READING NYMPHOMANIA OPIUM HABIT OVER ACTION OF THE MIND OVER STUDY OF RELIGION OVER TAXING MENTAL POWERS PARENTS WERE COUSINS PERIODICAL FITS TOBACCO & MASTURBATION POLITICAL EXCITEMENT POLITICS RELIGIOUS ENTHUSIASM FEVER AND LOSS OF LAW SUIT FITS AND DESERTION OF HUSBAND ASTHMA BAD COMPANY BAD HABITS & POLITICAL EXCITEMENTSALVATION ARMY BAD WHISKEY BLOODY FLUX BRAIN FEVER BUSINESS NERVES CARBONIC ACID GAS CONGESTION OF BRAIN DEATH OF SONS IN WAR DECOYED INTO THE ARMY DERANGED MASTURBATION DESERTION BY HUSBAND DOMESTIC AFFLICTION DOMESTIC TROUBLE DROPSY EGOTISM EPILEPTIC FITS EXCESSIVE SEXUAL ABUSE EXCITEMENT AS OFFICER EXPOSURE AND HEREDITARY EXPOSURE AND QUACKERY EXPOSURE IN ARMY FEVER AND JEALOUSY FIGHTING FIRE SUPPRESSION OF MENSES THE WAR TIME OF LIFE UTERINE DERANGEMENT VENEREAL EXCESSES VICIOUS VICES WOMEN TROUBLE SUPERSTITION SHOOTING OF DAUGHTER SMALL POX SNUFF EATING FOR 2 YEARS SPINAL IRRITATION GATHERING IN THE HEAD GREEDINESS GUNSHOT WOUND HARD STUDy RUMOR OF HUSBAND MURDER SCARLATINA SEDUCTION & DISAPPOINTMENT SELF ABUSE SEXUAL ABUSE & STIMULANTS SEXUAL DERANGEMENT FALSE CONFINEMENT FEEBLENESS OF INTELLECT FELL FROM HORSE IN WAR FEMALE DISEASE DISSIPATION OF NERVES <p><a href="http://laughoutloud-club.tumblr.com/post/170236009410/quite-the-reasons-for-admission" class="tumblr_blog">laughoutloud-club</a>:</p> <blockquote><p>Quite The Reasons For Admission</p></blockquote>
Save
Bad, Club, and Fire: This list of reasons for admission to a lunatic asylum in the 1800s reads like a list of potential metal band names... REASONS FOR ADMISSION 1864 TO 1889 INTEMPERANCE & BUSINESS TROUBLE DISSOLUTE HABITS KICKED IN THE HEAD BY A HORSE HEREDITARY PREDISPOSITION ILL TREATMENT BY HUSBAND IMAGINARY FEMALE TROUBLE HYSTERIA IMMORAL LIFE IMPRISONMENT JEALOUSY AND RELIGION LAZINESS MARRIAGE OF SON MASTURBATION & SYPHILIS MASTURBATION FOR 30 YEARS MEDICINE TO PREVENT CONCEPTION SUPPRESSED MASTURBATION MENSTRUAL DERANGED MENTAL EXCITEMENT NOVEL READING NYMPHOMANIA OPIUM HABIT OVER ACTION OF THE MIND OVER STUDY OF RELIGION OVER TAXING MENTAL POWERS PARENTS WERE COUSINS PERIODICAL FITS TOBACCO & MASTURBATION POLITICAL EXCITEMENT POLITICS RELIGIOUS ENTHUSIASM FEVER AND LOSS OF LAW SUIT FITS AND DESERTION OF HUSBAND ASTHMA BAD COMPANY BAD HABITS & POLITICAL EXCITEMENTSALVATION ARMY BAD WHISKEY BLOODY FLUX BRAIN FEVER BUSINESS NERVES CARBONIC ACID GAS CONGESTION OF BRAIN DEATH OF SONS IN WAR DECOYED INTO THE ARMY DERANGED MASTURBATION DESERTION BY HUSBAND DOMESTIC AFFLICTION DOMESTIC TROUBLE DROPSY EGOTISM EPILEPTIC FITS EXCESSIVE SEXUAL ABUSE EXCITEMENT AS OFFICER EXPOSURE AND HEREDITARY EXPOSURE AND QUACKERY EXPOSURE IN ARMY FEVER AND JEALOUSY FIGHTING FIRE SUPPRESSION OF MENSES THE WAR TIME OF LIFE UTERINE DERANGEMENT VENEREAL EXCESSES VICIOUS VICES WOMEN TROUBLE SUPERSTITION SHOOTING OF DAUGHTER SMALL POX SNUFF EATING FOR 2 YEARS SPINAL IRRITATION GATHERING IN THE HEAD GREEDINESS GUNSHOT WOUND HARD STUDy RUMOR OF HUSBAND MURDER SCARLATINA SEDUCTION & DISAPPOINTMENT SELF ABUSE SEXUAL ABUSE & STIMULANTS SEXUAL DERANGEMENT FALSE CONFINEMENT FEEBLENESS OF INTELLECT FELL FROM HORSE IN WAR FEMALE DISEASE DISSIPATION OF NERVES laughoutloud-club: Quite The Reasons For Admission
Save
Kylo Ren, Ewok, and Kylo: Ewok trying to prevent the conception of Kylo Ren (4 ABY, Colorized)

Ewok trying to prevent the conception of Kylo Ren (4 ABY, Colorized)

Save
Bad, Fire, and Head: REASONS FOR ADMISSION 1864 TO 1889 DISSOLUTE HABITS DOMESTIC AFFLICTION DOMESTIC TROUBLE DROPSY EGOTISM EPILEPTIC FITS EXCESSIVE SEXUAL ABUSE EXCITEMENT AS OFFICER EXPOSURE AND HEREDITARY EXPOSURE AND QUACKERY EXPOSURE IN ARMY FEVER AND JEALOUSY FIGHTING FIRE SUPPRESSED MASTURBATION SUPPRESSION OF MENSES THE WA TIME OF LIFE UTERINE DERANGEMENT VENEREAL EXCESSES VICIOUS VICES WOMEN TROUBLE SUPERSTITION SHOOTING OF DAUGHTER SMALL POX SNUFF EATING FOR 2 YEARS SPINAL IRRITATION . GATHERING IN THE HEAD GREEDINESS INTEMPERANCE & BUSINESS TROUBLE KICKED IN THE HEAD BY A HORSE HEREDITARY PREDISPOSITION ILL TREATMENT BY HUSBAND IMAGINARY FEMALE TROUBLE HYSTERIA IMMORAL LIFE IMPRISONMENT JEALOUSY AND RELIGION MARRIAGE OF SON MASTURBATION & SYPHILIS MASTURBATION FOR 30 YEARS MEDICINE TO PREVENT CONCEPTION MENSTRUAL DERANGED IT NOVEL READING OPIUM HABIT OVER ACTION OF THE MIND OVER STUDY OF RELIGION OVER TAXING MENTAL POWERS PARENTS WERE COUSINS PERIODICAL FITS. TOBACCO & MASTURBATION POLITICAL EXCITEMENT POLITICS RELIGIOUS ENTHUSIASM FEVER AND LOSS OF LAW SUIT FITS AND DESERTION OF HUSBAND BAD COMPANY BAD HABITS & POLITICAL EXCITEMENT BAD WHISKEY BLOODY FLUX BRAIN FEVER BUSINESS NERVES CARBONIC ACID GAS CONGESTION OF BRAIN DEATH OF SONS IN WAR DECOYED INTO THE ARMY DERANGED MASTURBATION DESERTION BY HUSBAND GUNSHOT WOUND HARD STUDY RUMOR OF HUSBAND MURDER SALVATION ARMY SCARLATINA SEDUCTION & DISAPPOINTMENT SELE ABUSE SEXUAL ABUSE & STIMULANTS SEXUAL DERANGEMENT FALSE CONFINEMENT FEEBLENESS OF INTELLECT FELL FROM HORSE IN WAR FEMALE DISEASE DISSIPATION OF NERVES actionables: doomy: topsecretumbreonage: Reasons to be admitted to an insane asylum from 1864 to 1889 Tag yourself, I’m Seduction and Disappointment kicked in head by horse menstrual deranged and masturbation for 30 years
Save
Clothes, Friends, and Fucking: Roses are red, that much is true, but violets are purple, not fucking blue feels-for-the-fictional I have been waiting for this post all my life. marzipanandminutiae They are indeed purple, But one thing you've missed: The concept of purple Didn't always exist. Some cultures lack names For a color, you see. Hence good old Homer And his "wine-dark sea. A usage so quaint, A phrasing so old, For verses of romance Is sheer fucking gold. So roses are red Violets once were called blue. I'm hugely pedantic But what else is new? ineptshieldmaid My friend you're not wrong About Homer's wine-ey sea! Colours are a matter Of cultural contingency Words are in flux And meanings they drift But the word purple You've given short shrift. The concept of purple, My friends, is old And refers to a pigment once precious as gold. By crushing up molluscs From the wine-dark sea You make a dye: Imperial decree Meant that in Rome, to wear purpura was a privilege reserved For only the emperor! The word purple for clothes so fancy, Entered English By the ninth century Why then are voilets Not purple in song? The dye from this mollusc, known for so long Is almost magenta; More red than blue The concept of purple is old, and yet new The dye is red, So this might be true: Roses are purple And violets are blue squeeful While this song makes me merry Tyrian purple dyes many a hue From magenta to berry And a true purple too But fun as it is to watch this poetic race The answer is staring you right in the face Roses are red and violets are blue Because nothing fucking rhymes with purple Its long, but its good
Save
Alive, Beard, and Children: princemetalthunder: skrill-cosby: drucila616: How Do Court Reporters Keep Straight Faces?These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place.ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?WITNESS: He said, ‘Where am I, Cathy?’ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?WITNESS: My name is Susan!_______________________________ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.____________________________________________ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?WITNESS: No, I just lie there.____________________________________________ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?WITNESS: July 18th.ATTORNEY: What year?WITNESS: Every year._____________________________________ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which.ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?WITNESS: Forty-five years._________________________________ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?WITNESS: I forget..ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?___________________________________________ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?____________________________________ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?WITNESS: He’s 20, much like your IQ.___________________________________________ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?WITNESS: Are you shitting me?_________________________________________ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?WITNESS: Getting laid____________________________________________ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: How many were boys?WITNESS: None.ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?____________________________________________ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?WITNESS: By death..ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?WITNESS: Take a guess.___________________________________________ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beardATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I’m going with male._____________________________________ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.______________________________________ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight._________________________________________ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?WITNESS: Oral…_________________________________________ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PMATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.____________________________________________ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?______________________________________And last:ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?WITNESS: No..ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law. oh my god these are great fuck this is like reading a jokes and not actual quotes
Save
Clothes, Friends, and Fucking: ithendra writrs Follow satanpositive Roses are red, that much is true, but violets are purple, not fucking blue feels-for-the-fictional I have been waiting for this post all my life marzipanandminutiae They are indeed purple But one thing you've missed The concept of purple" Didn't always exist. Some cultures lack names For a color, you see Hence good old Homer And his "wine-dark sea." A usage so quaint, A phrasing so old For verses of romance Is sheer fucking gold. So roses are red Violets once were called blue I'm hugely pedantic But what else is new? ineptshieldmaid My friend you're not wrong About Homer's wine-ey sea! Colours are a matter Of cultural contingency Words are in flux And meanings they drift But the word purple You've given short shrift. The concept of purple My friends, is old And refers to a pigment once precious as gold By crushing up molluscs From the wine-dark sea You make a dye Imperial decree Meant that in Rome to wear purpura was a privilege reserved For only the emperor! The word 'purple', for clothes so fancy Entered English By the ninth century Why then are voilets Not purple in song? The dye from this mollusc known for so long Is almost magenta More red than blue The concept of purple is old, and yet new The dye is red So this might be true Roses are purple And violets are blue squeeful While this song makes me merry, Tyrian purple dyes many a hue From magenta to berry And a true purple too But fun as it is to watch this poetic race The answer is staring you right in the face: Roses are red and violets are blue Because nothing fucking rhymes with purple e naomispeaks IT GOT BETTER writrs When english majors really need to write a paper, but get distracted 96 691 notes Its obvious when you think about it.
Save