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El Chapo, Joaquín Guzmán, and Memes: ELCHAPO MISTRESS FLIPS ON HIM IN COURT, EXPOSES SECRETS OF HIS NAKED ESCAPE THROUGH MEXICAN SEWER AS WIFE LISTENS @Fap El Chapo’s mistress testified against him in court and spoke about the time El Chapo escaped from the authorities using an underground sewer tunnel.⁣⁣ -⁣⁣ The mistress stated that she was in bed with Chapo at 3AM on Feb. 16, 2014, when she was suddenly woken up by loud noises,⁣⁣ -⁣⁣ “I heard, like, a lot of thumps and helicopters. I heard yelling,” she recalled. Which was a U.S team and Mexican forces trying to break in the house.⁣⁣ -⁣⁣ “They’re on us! They’re on us!” Chapo’s associate Carlos Manuel (Condor) Hoo Ramirez yelled as Chapo, whose real name is Joaquín Guzmán Loera, started running around in a panic, Sánchez said.⁣⁣ - -⁣ ⁣ She also stated that Chapo was completely naked through all of this,⁣ ⁣ “There was like a lid on the bathtub that came up,” Sánchez testified. “I was like, ‘Do I have to go in there?…The entire tub was hollow underneath…It had a kind of a hydraulic (lift) — they call it a piston.”⁣ ⁣ “The first thing I saw was wooden steps,” she said. “I heard (Chapo) say to Condor, ‘Close up the tub.’”⁣ -⁣ Sánchez said “complete darkness” swallowed them once the hatch was closed.⁣ ⁣ “For me, it was horrible because I had never been in a place like that. It was a humid place with mud,” she told the jury.⁣ -⁣ RapTVSTAFF: @thatkidcm

El Chapo’s mistress testified against him in court and spoke about the time El Chapo escaped from the authorities using an underground sewer...

Anaconda, Spider, and SpiderMan: SO YOU'RE SAYING EVERY TIME GARGAN OR BROCK HAS BEEN INCARCERATED- 5 -WHILE BONDED WITH THIS ALIEN CREATURE, THEY'VE BEEN PERMITTED TO KEEP IT ON THEIR PERSON?! YES! EVEN THOUGH WE'VE KNOWN WE COULD REMOVE IT WITH SONIC BLASTS! BLAME THE ACLU AND PETA! THEY LOBBIED FOR THE RIGHTS OF THE SYMBIOTE! UNBELIEVABLE! WHY NOT LET HIM CARRY A LOADED FIREARM WHILE THEY'RE AT IT?! symbisexual-disaster: cassowarykisses: Even though we’ve known we could remove [the symbiote] with sonic blasts [we weren’t allowed to]! Blame the ACLU and PETA! They lobbied for the rights of the symbiote! on a meta level, this is an attempt by the writers to come up with an in-universe reason for Venom never being broken up into human symbiote when they’ve been arrested (and also take a dig at the ACLU and PETA) but in-universe? the raw implications of the ACLU having a successful symbiote rights campaign that happens entirely offscreen and is never mentioned again?  when did this campaign happen?  who spearheaded it? Eddie did date two lawyers (Anne Weying and Beck Underwood) - were they involved in any capacity? did the ACLU actually sue on behalf of the symbiote? if so, what judge presided over this? what new fields of case law have been opened up by this? what existing case law is there in the Marvel universe for the rights of mutants and extraterrestrials? who were the witnesses in this case? even if it never went to court and was a 100% an ACLU campaign to get people to appeal to their representatives on behalf of symbiotes, you could still have expert witnesses called to Congress. you probably can’t subpoena Spider-Man, since his identity isn’t public, but what about Reed Richards (since he had the symbiote in captivity at least once)? what about various prison therapists and case managers? Matt Murdock, since he represented Venom in the Venom: On Trial miniseries? there is an entire court drama waiting to be written here and this throwaway line will never be touched on again This is insane hahaha That awkward moment when a comic universe PETA is more progressive than the real one.

symbisexual-disaster: cassowarykisses: Even though we’ve known we could remove [the symbiote] with sonic blasts [we weren’t allowed to]! Bl...

Apparently, Beer, and Dude: Emily Holmes January 2 at 11:26 AM Liberal Friends, listen to this right now: Democratic Nominees are not clay pigeons I repeat. DEMOCRATIC NOMINEES ARE NOT CLAY PIGEONS But, Emily, whatever do you mean? What is this metaphor? It goes like this One by one, over the next couple of months, Democratic nominees are going to launch their official bids for President. They are going to launch themselves, one by one, into the sky, right into our line of vision Our job is not to shoot them. Our job is NOT, the second we see them cross the sky, to reach out for the gun being handed to us by conservatives (because duh, conservatives and guns) and take aim, and blast them, one by one out of the air, for not being absolutely perfect. Not likeable enough. BOOM Not an inspiring enough speaker. BOOM Said that awkward thing that one time. BOOM I wouldn't want to have a beer with them. BOOM Too old. BOOM. Too female. BOOM. Too white. BOOM Not a fucking flawless progressive superhero. BOOM Because what happens next? We shoot the candidates down. We degrade them. We belittle them. We smear them. Then we hand the gun to the media. They do the same. They hand the gun to the conservatives. They do the same. Then the bots start reloading. BOOM. BOOM. BOOM And then at the end of primary season, we have to pick up the shattered remains of whoever got the most votes and attempt to glue them back together into a candidate who can win the general election. And we will lose. Because we learned fucking NOTHING from 2016, apparently Trump didn't win because every conservative loves him. Most of them hate his fucking guts. But they held their noses and voted for him because he was the only way to push their agenda forward. And holy shit, have they pushed it. Despite his complete ineptitude, his bumbling, his gross incompetence, his blatant corruption, they have shoved through some really damaging policies that are hurting real people every single day, and they will continue to do so for as long as we let them So, here we are. You're not jazzed about Liz Warren? Awesome. Beto not your boy? Swell. Sick of Biden memes? Good for you, friend. Keep it to yourself. Why? Because EVERY SINGLE DEMOCRAT WHO RUNS IS INFINITELY BETTER FOR THE FUTURE OF OUR COUNTRY THAN THE FLAMING RACIST POPULIST TRASH CURRENTLY STEERING THIS COUNTRY DIRECTLY INTO THE SUN. I'm not sure if you noticed, but we already elected a guy based on a cult of personality rather than on whether he was qualified in any way to do the iob, and we're going to be putting out the flames for DECADES But what do we do instead, you ask? Watch debates. Compare platforms Be informed. Choose your favorite BASED ON REAL FACTUAL POLICIES AND EXPERIENCE, NOT ON YOUR DELICATE FEELINGS AND WHETHER YOU FEEL SUFFICIENTLY ENTERTAINED OR INEXPLICABLY HAPPY AT THE VERY SIGHT OF THEIR GLOWING FACE. Then get involved. Register people. Drive to the polls. Hold signs on street corners. Write postcards Knock on doors. Don't tell us why the other candidates suck, tell us why yours is THE BEST. Fight FOR them. Remember how we used to fight FOR things, rather than against them? I know Trump makes it hard to remember, but I promise, that's a thing we used to know how to do Then we all, collectively, wholeheartedly, throw our weight and energy and voice behind whoever gets the nomination. If we do that, we win. Period It's not a question of who can beat Trump, don't you get it? A sentient fucking houseplant with a liberal platform could beat Trump, if we do this right. It's a question of whether WE can beat him, or would we rather tear ourselves apart? Look around you, folks. The stock market is in free-fall. Our international reputation is in tatters. Our foreign policy is for sale to dictators. Our free press is under daily attack. Our Supreme Court is one conservative white dude away from full-on Gilead, and we can't keep asking an 84-year-old woman recovering from broken ribs and a third bout of cancer to hang on for six more years because we can't get our heads out of our own asses. I mean, she'll do it, obviously, because RBG is a BOSS, but she shouldn't have to. I repeat. This is not a test of our candidates. There are lots of good, solid options. It's a test of US. Of OUR ability to unite. Of OUR strength. Of OUR ability to put aside selfish arbitrary purity tests and scales of "likeability" and to just FUCKING GET IT DONE. We don't need the perfect candidate to rescue us. We need to realize that we can rescue ourselves So, how about it, Resistance? They want us to forget that we have the numbers, the motivation, and the power. They want us to implode. Let's explode instead, and leave nothing but a charred ruin of this nightmare administration in our wake. BOOM 1.4K Comments 6.7K Shares onceuponamirror: helenofhere: snarksandkisses: Also good to keep THIS SHIT in mind: This is the most important post on this platform since early 2016. WE ARE NOT FUCKING IT UP TWICE. DO NOT LET PROPAGANDA AND MANIPULATION DIVIDE US AGAINST GETTING THIS MONSTER OUT. thanks
Being Alone, Facts, and Fucking: TIME TO FACE THE FACTS SEX BOTS ARE FEMALE GENOCIDE WHEN SEX BOTS ARE CELEBRATED AS " THE FUTURE WOMEN ARE DESTINED TO BECOME PART OF THE PAST @XXWOMENAGAINSTSEXBOT & WOMENAGAINSTSEXBOTS.TUMBLR.COM xdarylofthebellsx: libertarirynn: ricwulf: blackan08: brett-caton: Good god, the paranoid delusions of these people! I don’t see some popular movement screaming “the future is MALE”. Argh this just so fucking stupid I dunno, I find this incredibly funny. Think about the kind of person who would actually say this, and it becomes clear that replacing them, specifically, with sex robots would be a net gain. These are the people that are devoid of a personality. They lack any and all depth. The only thing these bitter women have to offer is sex, the area that they currently hold the keys to (men are expected to court women, and a man’s consent is almost always assumed). It’s even more apparent that it’s about maintaining control of this sphere when you look at birth control, and how Feminists have opposed male birth control pills in the past. They’re terrified that men will be able to get sex without them, because without sex they’re nothing. Meanwhile, back in reality, most women won’t freak out over this. They might think it’s icky and be uncomfortable (and I agree to a certain extent), but they’re more than just sex and they know that. They have nothing to fear because that isn’t all they offer. Because women are more than their vagina. 15 sex bots broke into my room and killed me on site idk what you’re talking about.Also they make male sex robots too but I see almost no one talk about that for some reason 🤔🤔🤔 Shouldn’t radfems be glad that these exist because then men won’t bother women for sex and fucking sex robots instead, leaving women alone? They don’t know what they fucking want. Half of them are political lesbians anyway so it’s not like they want to have sex with men to begin with. They also insist that women should be treated as more than just sex objects but then act like literal sex objects are replacing women.
Facts, Fucking, and Funny: TIME TO FACE THE FACTS SEX BOTS ARE FEMALE GENOCIDE WHEN SEX BOTS ARE CELEBRATED AS " THE FUTURE WOMEN ARE DESTINED TO BECOME PART OF THE PAST @XXWOMENAGAINSTSEXBOT & WOMENAGAINSTSEXBOTS.TUMBLR.COM ricwulf: blackan08: brett-caton: Good god, the paranoid delusions of these people! I don’t see some popular movement screaming “the future is MALE”. Argh this just so fucking stupid I dunno, I find this incredibly funny. Think about the kind of person who would actually say this, and it becomes clear that replacing them, specifically, with sex robots would be a net gain. These are the people that are devoid of a personality. They lack any and all depth. The only thing these bitter women have to offer is sex, the area that they currently hold the keys to (men are expected to court women, and a man’s consent is almost always assumed). It’s even more apparent that it’s about maintaining control of this sphere when you look at birth control, and how Feminists have opposed male birth control pills in the past. They’re terrified that men will be able to get sex without them, because without sex they’re nothing. Meanwhile, back in reality, most women won’t freak out over this. They might think it’s icky and be uncomfortable (and I agree to a certain extent), but they’re more than just sex and they know that. They have nothing to fear because that isn’t all they offer. Because women are more than their vagina. 15 sex bots broke into my room and killed me on site idk what you’re talking about.Also they make male sex robots too but I see almost no one talk about that for some reason 🤔🤔🤔
Memes, Wow, and Puerto Rico: Wow ski.cam Back on? At least on a jet ski in Puerto Rico! Is this a sign Offset’s full-court campaign to win her back has worked? tmz cardib offset puertorico jetski back

Back on? At least on a jet ski in Puerto Rico! Is this a sign Offset’s full-court campaign to win her back has worked? tmz cardib offset pue...

Beef, Elf, and News: Shakespeare Insult Kit To create a Shakespearean insult Combine one word from each of the three columns below, prefaced with "Thou" Column 1 Column 2 Column 3 artless ba beslubbering bootless churlish base-court bat-fowling beef-witted beetle-headed boil-brained clapper-clawed clay-brained common-kissing crook-pated dismal-dreaming dizzy-eyed doghearted dread-bolted earth-vexing elf-skinned fat-kidneyed en-sucked Elap-mouthed fly-bitten folly-fallen fool-born full-gorg baggage barnacle bladder bugbear bum-bailey canker-blossom clack-dish clotpole cox codpiece death-token craven currish dissembling errant awning tobbing froward frothy gleeking goatish gorbellied impertinent infectious arring loggerheaded lumpish manmering mang mewling paunchy pribbling puking CL flax-wench flirt-gill foot-licker fustilarian giglet ud haggard half-taced hasty-witted hedge-pig horn-beast hugger-mugger joithead lewdster idle-headed i11-breeding i1l-nurtured knotty-pated milk-livered motley-minded onion-eyed plume-plucked pottle-deep pox-marked reeling-ripe rough-hewn rude-growing maggot-pie malt-worm qualling rank ree measle minnow miscreant moldwarp mumble-news nut-hook pigeon-egg pignut puttock pumpion ratsbane scut skainsmate ruttish saucy pleeny tottering UnMUzzLed shard-borne sheep-biting spur-galled swag-bellied tardy-gaited tickle-brained ve villainous wayward yeasty varlot vassa whey-face d-spotted unchin-snouted weather-bitten you should probably go to TheMetaPicture.com epicjohndoe: Shakespeare Kit

epicjohndoe: Shakespeare Kit

Ass, Memes, and Twerk: No wonder Cardi B couldn't make it to her court hearing Monday in NYC ... she's hosting a WILD-ASS twerk fest down in Miami. tmz cardib miami twerk 📷 MEGA-305 Pics

No wonder Cardi B couldn't make it to her court hearing Monday in NYC ... she's hosting a WILD-ASS twerk fest down in Miami. tmz cardib miam...

Memes, Supreme, and Supreme Court: AP Photo/J. Scott Applewhite The justices of the U.S. Supreme Court gather for a formal group portrait to include the new Associate Justice Brett Kavanaugh.

The justices of the U.S. Supreme Court gather for a formal group portrait to include the new Associate Justice Brett Kavanaugh.

Drunk, Memes, and New York: A Mexican restaurant called "Amigos Taqueria Y Tequila" in Westerly, Rhode lsland is selling T-whirts calling for the murder of our president. In a restaurant, to "86" something is to get rid of it, when talking about humans, its murder. The phone number at the restaurant is 401-315-5800. 886 86 86 45 86 45 Regardless of whether it was the first to coin the phrase, the restaurant business in the 1930s was one of the main incubators for its usage and development. Believed to be slang for the word “nix,” it was initially used as a way of saying that the kitchen was out of something, as revealed in Walter Winchell’s 1933 newspaper column that featured a “glossary of soda-fountain lingo” used in restaurants during that time. It later evolved into a code that restaurants and bars used when they wanted to cut someone off, because they were either rude, broke, or drunk, as in “86 that chump at the end of the bar.” This possible origin stems from the Prohibition era at a bar called Chumley’s located at 86 Bedford Street in New York City. To survive, many speakeasies had the police on somewhat of a payroll so that they might be warned of a raid. In the case of Chumley’s, it is said that police would call and tell the bartender to 86 his customers, which meant that 1) a raid was about to happen and 2) that they should all exit via the 86 Bedford door while the police would approach at the entrance on Pamela Court. Another plausible explanation for the saying is brought you by the U.S. Navy’s Allowance Type (AT) coding system that was used to identify and classify the status of inventory. The code AT-6 was assigned to inventory that was designated for disposal, specifically after World War II as the Navy decommissioned many of its warships and went through the process of cleaning out its storerooms where they kept spare parts. During this process, any parts that were labeled AT-6 were considered trash and thrown out. It is easy to see phonetically how this could result in the term “86” and the idea of throwing something away to become synonymous.

Regardless of whether it was the first to coin the phrase, the restaurant business in the 1930s was one of the main incubators for its usage...

Click, Complex, and Crime: When I became your Prime Minister the United Kingdom had just voted to leave the European Union. From my first day in the job, I knew I had a clear mission before me -a duty to fulil on your behalf: to honour the result of the referendum and secure a brighter future for our country by negotiating a good Brexit deal with the EU. Throughout the long and complex negotiations that have taken place over the last year and a half, I have never lost sight of that duty Today, I am in Brussels with the firm intention of agreeing a Brexit deal with the leaders of the other 27 EU nations. It will be a deal that is in our national interest one that works for our whole country and all of our people, whether you voted Leave' or 'Remain. It will honour the result of the referendum. We wl take back control of our borders, by putting an end to the free movement of people once and for all. Instead of an immigration system based on where a person comes from, we will build one based on the skills and talents a person has to offer. We will take back control of our money, by putting an end to vast annual payments to the EU. Instead, we will be able to spend British taxpayer's money on our own priorities, like the extra £394 million per week that we are investing in our long-term plan for the NHS And we will take back control of our laws, by ending the jurisdiction of the European Court of Justice in the UK. In future, our laws will be made, interpreted and enforced by our own courts and legislatures We will be out of EU programmes that do not work in our interests: out of the Common Agricultural Policy, that has failed our farmers, and out of the Common Fisheries Policy, that has failed our coastal communities. Instead, we will be able to design a system of agricultural support that works for us and we will be an independent coastal state once again, with full control over our waters. The deal also protects the things we value. EU citizens who have built their lives in the United Kingdom will have their rights protected, as will UK citizens living elsewhere in the EU. A free trade area will allow goods to flow easily across our borders, protecting the many skilled jobs right across the country that rely on integrated supply-chains. Because our European friends will always be our allies in the fight against terrorism and organised crime, the deal wl ensure that security co-operation will continue, so we can keep our people safe. "I will be campaigning with my heart and soul to win that vote and to deliver this Brexit deal, for the good of our United Kingdom and all of our people." Theresa May has written an open letter to the British public to appeal for their support for the Brexit deal. She said her plan promises a "brighter future" for the UK and leaving the EU will be "a moment of renewal and reconciliation for our whole country". EU leaders are in Brussels for a special summit to decide whether to endorse the deal. Many UK MPs - including Conservatives - say they will vote against it. Click the link in our bio to follow all the latest as it happens. Brexit politics unitedkingdom EU bbcnews

"I will be campaigning with my heart and soul to win that vote and to deliver this Brexit deal, for the good of our United Kingdom and all o...