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πŸ”₯ | Latest

Bless Up, Chance the Rapper, and Life: u/Fio_Fiddlesworth ld imgur So my Mom sold one of her schnauzer puppies to an aspiring photographer DrSmashlove So u know how I said a few weeks ago that I tried all the healthy ice creams and I was done with them, and I was going back to real ice cream? About that. See there comes a time in yo life when u realize: u just ain’t about that life. It come at different times for different people. Some of u pretty ladies go to music festivals. And y’all got that friend Mandy. Mandy got a lil marketing gig in the city where she make a good wage. Went to a good school. Seem normal. But she different. U knew it when u hit Lollapalooza with her and watched her pop a Molly, pop three pills where she ain’t even know what pills they are, some cool white kid in a Larry Bird jersey just handed them to y’all so she took them, smoked a blunt, then snorted coke with that same kid in a port a potty. U seen her 15 min later vibing to Chance the Rapper while a lil bit of puke dribbled out the corner of her mouth while she looked around crazily and on that day, u had a realization: u ain’t bout that life. Mandy? Bout that life. U? Not about that life πŸ˜‚. That’s me with ice cream. I went to Mariano super market. Grabbed some Ben and Jerry Cookie Dough. Seen it had 60 grams fat - 1,120 calories-pint. Gently caressed my 6 pack over my t shirt. And reflected on the fact that I’m just not bout that life. So I copped some skinny cow ice cream sandwiches. Each one got 160 calories. I eat two to get satisfied and that’s plenty. I gotta eat seven them b!tches to equal one pint of Ben and Jerry. I used to be bigger. Had a 36 waist. Ate whatever I wanted. I can’t go back to that place. I’m a new smash. U feel me? I’m in a different place. I’ll eat B + J once in a blue moon bc it (and Jeni’s) are still the GOATs but for daily use, imma stick to these skinny cows. P.s. Skinny cow please make them rectangular with a paper (not plastic) cover. On the rare occasion my mama bought us a box of generic ice cream sandwiches, peeling the paper off as it sticks to the ice cream on the side and then liiiiiicking it up the side was the best part. The adult equivalent is peeling the panties off a woman, seeing them stick to the Nani, and liiiiiiiicking...well, y’all get the point πŸ€—. Bless up! πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚
Bless Up, Chance the Rapper, and Life: u/Fio_Fiddlesworth ld imgur
 So my Mom sold one of her schnauzer
 puppies to an aspiring photographer
 DrSmashlove
So u know how I said a few weeks ago that I tried all the healthy ice creams and I was done with them, and I was going back to real ice cream? About that. See there comes a time in yo life when u realize: u just ain’t about that life. It come at different times for different people. Some of u pretty ladies go to music festivals. And y’all got that friend Mandy. Mandy got a lil marketing gig in the city where she make a good wage. Went to a good school. Seem normal. But she different. U knew it when u hit Lollapalooza with her and watched her pop a Molly, pop three pills where she ain’t even know what pills they are, some cool white kid in a Larry Bird jersey just handed them to y’all so she took them, smoked a blunt, then snorted coke with that same kid in a port a potty. U seen her 15 min later vibing to Chance the Rapper while a lil bit of puke dribbled out the corner of her mouth while she looked around crazily and on that day, u had a realization: u ain’t bout that life. Mandy? Bout that life. U? Not about that life πŸ˜‚. That’s me with ice cream. I went to Mariano super market. Grabbed some Ben and Jerry Cookie Dough. Seen it had 60 grams fat - 1,120 calories-pint. Gently caressed my 6 pack over my t shirt. And reflected on the fact that I’m just not bout that life. So I copped some skinny cow ice cream sandwiches. Each one got 160 calories. I eat two to get satisfied and that’s plenty. I gotta eat seven them b!tches to equal one pint of Ben and Jerry. I used to be bigger. Had a 36 waist. Ate whatever I wanted. I can’t go back to that place. I’m a new smash. U feel me? I’m in a different place. I’ll eat B + J once in a blue moon bc it (and Jeni’s) are still the GOATs but for daily use, imma stick to these skinny cows. P.s. Skinny cow please make them rectangular with a paper (not plastic) cover. On the rare occasion my mama bought us a box of generic ice cream sandwiches, peeling the paper off as it sticks to the ice cream on the side and then liiiiiicking it up the side was the best part. The adult equivalent is peeling the panties off a woman, seeing them stick to the Nani, and liiiiiiiicking...well, y’all get the point πŸ€—. Bless up! πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

So u know how I said a few weeks ago that I tried all the healthy ice creams and I was done with them, and I was going back to real ice crea...

Bad, Halo, and Life: u/Hjaaal ld i.redd.it now hug me human! @DrSmashlove Life update: I’ve tried all the healthy ice creams bruv. Halo Top. Enlightened. Arctic Zero. And I’ve come to the scientific conclusion that they all suck πŸ€—πŸ˜‚. Not edible. Not creamy or dreamy enuf. Simply not satisfying. It’s like when you break up with yo ex and date a whole bunch of duds and then u just like β€œI miss my ex, imma take them back even tho they ain’t good for me because they SPICY πŸ€—β€. That’s Ben and Jerry’s bruv. Yes they got 3,892 calories per pint. And 582 grams of fat. And some crack. Like literally in the ingredients it say β€œsugarly, heavenly sugar; milkariffic milk from happy cows who listen to the Grateful Dead all day and inhale dab fumes; and a touch of crack. Just a touch! πŸ‘Œ A lil Vermont Crack for love, just like Jerry Garcia used to like it ☺️. Cookie dough. Maltodextrin (sorry, we can’t have this goodness go bad on you, pilgrim!) πŸ˜‡β€ Smfh. Ben and Jerry we can’t eat no regular ice cream now. Y’all done ruined us. If every bite don’t have chunks of real brownie batter, waffle cone, almonds, fudge swirl, creamy caramel, and a touch of illegal hallucinogens, we don’t want it. Y’all are the cot damn Shaq PP of the ice cream industry. We went Shaq and it ain’t no going back. We open now. Criminals πŸ˜žπŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚
Bad, Halo, and Life: u/Hjaaal ld i.redd.it
 now hug me human!
 @DrSmashlove
Life update: I’ve tried all the healthy ice creams bruv. Halo Top. Enlightened. Arctic Zero. And I’ve come to the scientific conclusion that they all suck πŸ€—πŸ˜‚. Not edible. Not creamy or dreamy enuf. Simply not satisfying. It’s like when you break up with yo ex and date a whole bunch of duds and then u just like β€œI miss my ex, imma take them back even tho they ain’t good for me because they SPICY πŸ€—β€. That’s Ben and Jerry’s bruv. Yes they got 3,892 calories per pint. And 582 grams of fat. And some crack. Like literally in the ingredients it say β€œsugarly, heavenly sugar; milkariffic milk from happy cows who listen to the Grateful Dead all day and inhale dab fumes; and a touch of crack. Just a touch! πŸ‘Œ A lil Vermont Crack for love, just like Jerry Garcia used to like it ☺️. Cookie dough. Maltodextrin (sorry, we can’t have this goodness go bad on you, pilgrim!) πŸ˜‡β€ Smfh. Ben and Jerry we can’t eat no regular ice cream now. Y’all done ruined us. If every bite don’t have chunks of real brownie batter, waffle cone, almonds, fudge swirl, creamy caramel, and a touch of illegal hallucinogens, we don’t want it. Y’all are the cot damn Shaq PP of the ice cream industry. We went Shaq and it ain’t no going back. We open now. Criminals πŸ˜žπŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

Life update: I’ve tried all the healthy ice creams bruv. Halo Top. Enlightened. Arctic Zero. And I’ve come to the scientific conclusion that...

Ass, Bailey Jay, and Bless Up: Happiest mug shot ever! Part 3. To get rid of them insecurities, be specific about what yo man do that make him special. "OMG the way u [___]? NOBODY HAS EVER MADE ME FEEL THAT WAY BEFORE." Bam. Like the Somali dude in the tom hank movie said, He da Captain now. And if it ain't sexual, make it sweet. "Baby you have set the bar for how I need to be loved." U feel me? Men are delicate like a porcelain vase bruv - telling him he ruined u in some way will get u hella points. Airline points. Pretty soon u have platinum status (πŸ’) and a companion pass - u feel me? But that's still Level 2 fixing. Y'all want Level 1 fixing? BE HELLA VAGUE ABOUT YO PERSONAL LIFE. U DON'T OWE HIM SHIT. AND FOR GOD'S SAKE DON'T VOLUNTEER SH!T. I can't say this strongly enuf. Y'all on break? BE VAGUE. He ask about exes? BE VAGUE. Remember that u dealing with a delicate and jealous man-child. The same way yo mama would say she forgot her purse when y'all see the ice cream man bc she don't wanna buy u ice cream every time and spoil u (white lie), do the same thing: "baby I'm really just taking this time on break to think. I'm not really in that mindset to be out and about." BAM. IF U THINK YALL ARE ONLY "on break" AND GON BE BACK TOGETHER IN A MONTH, FOR GOD'S SAKE DON'T EFF HIS HEAD UP WITH SPECIFICS: "Things have been pretty great. U know Marquis who's 6'14" and works at the cross fit gym in the south loop training people for 27 hours per day and gets hit on by all the slim thick cross fit white girls who have 1,200 followers on IG and post before-after pics all day? He's been laying pipe for weeks. Missed my period. Pretty sure I might be pregnant. Don't even care. My body is utterly ready for Marquis Jr 😍." <- BABY EVEN IF THIS IS TRUE (AND I HOPE IT IS!) - DON'T SAY IT πŸ˜‚. Remember that trapped in that grown man is a lil ass boy. 1. Be reassuring. 2. Tell him what he does that's amazing. 3. BE VAGUE. SAY U AIN'T DATING. SAY U NEVER DATED ANYONE REALLY IMPORTANT TO U. SAY YO EX HUSBAND WAS A LIMP DICK (even if he was a Python PP 😎). U AIN'T GOING TO HELL OFF A LIL WHITE LIE OR TWO LIKE THAT. TELL THE LIE AND THEN DONATE $20 TO SYRIAN ORPHANS (link in bio πŸ€—) GOD IS FORGIVING BLESS UP πŸ˜πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚
Ass, Bailey Jay, and Bless Up: Happiest mug shot ever!
Part 3. To get rid of them insecurities, be specific about what yo man do that make him special. "OMG the way u [___]? NOBODY HAS EVER MADE ME FEEL THAT WAY BEFORE." Bam. Like the Somali dude in the tom hank movie said, He da Captain now. And if it ain't sexual, make it sweet. "Baby you have set the bar for how I need to be loved." U feel me? Men are delicate like a porcelain vase bruv - telling him he ruined u in some way will get u hella points. Airline points. Pretty soon u have platinum status (πŸ’) and a companion pass - u feel me? But that's still Level 2 fixing. Y'all want Level 1 fixing? BE HELLA VAGUE ABOUT YO PERSONAL LIFE. U DON'T OWE HIM SHIT. AND FOR GOD'S SAKE DON'T VOLUNTEER SH!T. I can't say this strongly enuf. Y'all on break? BE VAGUE. He ask about exes? BE VAGUE. Remember that u dealing with a delicate and jealous man-child. The same way yo mama would say she forgot her purse when y'all see the ice cream man bc she don't wanna buy u ice cream every time and spoil u (white lie), do the same thing: "baby I'm really just taking this time on break to think. I'm not really in that mindset to be out and about." BAM. IF U THINK YALL ARE ONLY "on break" AND GON BE BACK TOGETHER IN A MONTH, FOR GOD'S SAKE DON'T EFF HIS HEAD UP WITH SPECIFICS: "Things have been pretty great. U know Marquis who's 6'14" and works at the cross fit gym in the south loop training people for 27 hours per day and gets hit on by all the slim thick cross fit white girls who have 1,200 followers on IG and post before-after pics all day? He's been laying pipe for weeks. Missed my period. Pretty sure I might be pregnant. Don't even care. My body is utterly ready for Marquis Jr 😍." <- BABY EVEN IF THIS IS TRUE (AND I HOPE IT IS!) - DON'T SAY IT πŸ˜‚. Remember that trapped in that grown man is a lil ass boy. 1. Be reassuring. 2. Tell him what he does that's amazing. 3. BE VAGUE. SAY U AIN'T DATING. SAY U NEVER DATED ANYONE REALLY IMPORTANT TO U. SAY YO EX HUSBAND WAS A LIMP DICK (even if he was a Python PP 😎). U AIN'T GOING TO HELL OFF A LIL WHITE LIE OR TWO LIKE THAT. TELL THE LIE AND THEN DONATE $20 TO SYRIAN ORPHANS (link in bio πŸ€—) GOD IS FORGIVING BLESS UP πŸ˜πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

Part 3. To get rid of them insecurities, be specific about what yo man do that make him special. "OMG the way u [___]? NOBODY HAS EVER MADE ...