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lowoncliches: note-a-bear: My mom sent this to me and i’m howling White woman: Hi fellow white people. Are you having a sad because that family is enjoying a picnic in the park while being black? Did that customer in front of you just speak a language that makes you irrationally angry? Well this is a great time to try *holds up bottle* Mind Your Own Fucking Business. With Mind Your Own Fucking Business you’ll be able to grow the fuck up and act like a decent fucking human being. Our patented technology allows you to pull your head out of your ass and see the world beyond the brim of your MAGA hat. White man: Hi honey, I saw some black people at the Starbucks today. Woman: Did you mind your own fucking business? Man: I sure fucking did. *both laughing* Woman: Stop bothering those nice people today with Mind Your Own Fucking Business. Man: Side effects may include not harassing people, no one getting arrested or murdered by police, a general sense of well-being for people of color, a lack of Internet fame and or trolling, and coexistence. Please consult a doctor if you are still a piece of shit after Minding Your Own Fucking Business as the symptoms may be result of a deeper problem and require further treatment. Woman: Now available at Anthropology in Whole Foods. [Censoring beeps removed for better readability.] : lowoncliches: note-a-bear: My mom sent this to me and i’m howling White woman: Hi fellow white people. Are you having a sad because that family is enjoying a picnic in the park while being black? Did that customer in front of you just speak a language that makes you irrationally angry? Well this is a great time to try *holds up bottle* Mind Your Own Fucking Business. With Mind Your Own Fucking Business you’ll be able to grow the fuck up and act like a decent fucking human being. Our patented technology allows you to pull your head out of your ass and see the world beyond the brim of your MAGA hat. White man: Hi honey, I saw some black people at the Starbucks today. Woman: Did you mind your own fucking business? Man: I sure fucking did. *both laughing* Woman: Stop bothering those nice people today with Mind Your Own Fucking Business. Man: Side effects may include not harassing people, no one getting arrested or murdered by police, a general sense of well-being for people of color, a lack of Internet fame and or trolling, and coexistence. Please consult a doctor if you are still a piece of shit after Minding Your Own Fucking Business as the symptoms may be result of a deeper problem and require further treatment. Woman: Now available at Anthropology in Whole Foods. [Censoring beeps removed for better readability.]
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ups-dogs: The Bandanna of Betrayal.The Shawl of Shame.The Horrible Hankie of Hunger.The Do-Rag of Dietary Deprivation and Despair.Upon my arrival at the Patricia Green Winery in Newberg Oregon, I was confronted with a horrific sight that left me with an awful and impossible dilemma; I could either respect the cruel and inexplicable demands of the customer by denying biscuits to their dog Maggie, or I could break their rules and yield to the almost hypnotic, yearning gaze of her pleading eyes as she beseeched me to proffer her daily treats.I considered my options carefully as I looked around to see if anyone was watching. Their wishes were clear, but what harm could *one* biscuit possibly do? What kind of barbaric monster would force their sweet dog to wear a sign around her neck prohibiting treats? How could I possibly be expected to withhold her daily Milk Bone? What had she done to deserve such barbaric treatment? And how many biscuits could I sneak to her without getting busted?Fortunately, my questions were soon answered by the arrival of her owner who graciously explained the reason for this seemingly abusive act. It turns out that the vineyard had been hosting their annual fall wine tasting all week long, and was providing the guests with salami, prosciutto, breads, and various types of gourmet cheeses to be paired with the wines. And in her role as official tasting room mascot, Maggie was allowed to circulate freely amongst the guests, who of course were rendered as powerless as I by her beseeching gaze. The result of their copious offerings of such rich meats and sharp cheeses upon her digestive system are best left to the imagination, and her humans were left with no alternative but to take drastic action in order to prevent Miss Maggie the Manipulative and Malodorous Moocher from rendering the tasting room uninhabitable.Fortunately for her, however, the feeding ban did NOT apply to ordinary dog biscuits, thus leaving me free to be the hero and ease her pangs of hunger on what turned out to be Quadruple Biscuit Friday. All was right with the world once again!By Scott Hodges.: ups-dogs: The Bandanna of Betrayal.The Shawl of Shame.The Horrible Hankie of Hunger.The Do-Rag of Dietary Deprivation and Despair.Upon my arrival at the Patricia Green Winery in Newberg Oregon, I was confronted with a horrific sight that left me with an awful and impossible dilemma; I could either respect the cruel and inexplicable demands of the customer by denying biscuits to their dog Maggie, or I could break their rules and yield to the almost hypnotic, yearning gaze of her pleading eyes as she beseeched me to proffer her daily treats.I considered my options carefully as I looked around to see if anyone was watching. Their wishes were clear, but what harm could *one* biscuit possibly do? What kind of barbaric monster would force their sweet dog to wear a sign around her neck prohibiting treats? How could I possibly be expected to withhold her daily Milk Bone? What had she done to deserve such barbaric treatment? And how many biscuits could I sneak to her without getting busted?Fortunately, my questions were soon answered by the arrival of her owner who graciously explained the reason for this seemingly abusive act. It turns out that the vineyard had been hosting their annual fall wine tasting all week long, and was providing the guests with salami, prosciutto, breads, and various types of gourmet cheeses to be paired with the wines. And in her role as official tasting room mascot, Maggie was allowed to circulate freely amongst the guests, who of course were rendered as powerless as I by her beseeching gaze. The result of their copious offerings of such rich meats and sharp cheeses upon her digestive system are best left to the imagination, and her humans were left with no alternative but to take drastic action in order to prevent Miss Maggie the Manipulative and Malodorous Moocher from rendering the tasting room uninhabitable.Fortunately for her, however, the feeding ban did NOT apply to ordinary dog biscuits, thus leaving me free to be the hero and ease her pangs of hunger on what turned out to be Quadruple Biscuit Friday. All was right with the world once again!By Scott Hodges.

ups-dogs: The Bandanna of Betrayal.The Shawl of Shame.The Horrible Hankie of Hunger.The Do-Rag of Dietary Deprivation and Despair.Upon m...

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avenginginsanity: diamondclustahusla: quiteliterallyhotsauce: I’ve watched this 10 times I can’t breathe!😂😂😂😂 (All of this is said in a auto-tuned, sing-song voice. Audio originally from tik tok user @mikethornwell.) So when I was 16, I used to work in a grocery store. And we had one customer who always came in who was always very obviously mentally ill. And one day I was bagging her groceries, and she said to me, “don’t you wish it was back to the cotton picking days?” And I was like, “hmm,” And she was like, “don’t you wish it was back to the cotton picking days?” And I was like, “as in slavery?” And she was like, “yes.” And I was like, “why the fuck would you ask me that?” And my manager was like, “what’s going on?” And I was like, “I’m gonna have to step away before I throw a punch at an elderly woman.” And she was like, “okay go in to the break room.” A week later we found out the old woman had a heart attack and died. And I’m not saying she deserved it. But I’m saying   ~・゚:*God’s timing is always right!*:・゚✧ ~ : avenginginsanity: diamondclustahusla: quiteliterallyhotsauce: I’ve watched this 10 times I can’t breathe!😂😂😂😂 (All of this is said in a auto-tuned, sing-song voice. Audio originally from tik tok user @mikethornwell.) So when I was 16, I used to work in a grocery store. And we had one customer who always came in who was always very obviously mentally ill. And one day I was bagging her groceries, and she said to me, “don’t you wish it was back to the cotton picking days?” And I was like, “hmm,” And she was like, “don’t you wish it was back to the cotton picking days?” And I was like, “as in slavery?” And she was like, “yes.” And I was like, “why the fuck would you ask me that?” And my manager was like, “what’s going on?” And I was like, “I’m gonna have to step away before I throw a punch at an elderly woman.” And she was like, “okay go in to the break room.” A week later we found out the old woman had a heart attack and died. And I’m not saying she deserved it. But I’m saying   ~・゚:*God’s timing is always right!*:・゚✧ ~
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daisyannewinchester: karadin: heads up! Never ever say yes before you identify who is on the other line. Some phrases you can use Hello This is xyz I am here How are you Who is this What’s up How can I help you What god do you serve Who is your master Speak now or forever hold your peace What do you want You have reached a life model decoy of [your name] please leave a message. And if its urgent, leave it urgently. Beep. Then hang up What’s bracken bro, how you livin My names Chelsea, what’s your favorite dinner food You have reached Mistress Elena’s Dungenous Deeds how may I be of pleasure to you today To talk to a customer, please press one I’m gay Just start singing Try to sell them something. That will throw them for a loop Pretend the line is breaking up by making static sounds with your mouth Speak State your purpose What you want, baby I got it. What you need? You know I’m askin Error 404 phone set to self destruct in 5… 4… 3… *Liam Neeson voice* Whoever you are, I will find you and I will kill you Answer with a lewd moan Answer crying I have done all of these. : daisyannewinchester: karadin: heads up! Never ever say yes before you identify who is on the other line. Some phrases you can use Hello This is xyz I am here How are you Who is this What’s up How can I help you What god do you serve Who is your master Speak now or forever hold your peace What do you want You have reached a life model decoy of [your name] please leave a message. And if its urgent, leave it urgently. Beep. Then hang up What’s bracken bro, how you livin My names Chelsea, what’s your favorite dinner food You have reached Mistress Elena’s Dungenous Deeds how may I be of pleasure to you today To talk to a customer, please press one I’m gay Just start singing Try to sell them something. That will throw them for a loop Pretend the line is breaking up by making static sounds with your mouth Speak State your purpose What you want, baby I got it. What you need? You know I’m askin Error 404 phone set to self destruct in 5… 4… 3… *Liam Neeson voice* Whoever you are, I will find you and I will kill you Answer with a lewd moan Answer crying I have done all of these.

daisyannewinchester: karadin: heads up! Never ever say yes before you identify who is on the other line. Some phrases you can use Hello...

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