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Bitch, Children, and Fall: arianod: rainbowbarnacle: alexander-lamington: gallusrostromegalus: jhaernyl: botanyshitposts: spirit-of-science: thebloggerbloggerfun: teafortrouble: eteo: fall-for-nothing: trickster-eridan: buttpilgrim: scientificperfection: kittiesinthemorning: I just don’t understand how this happened. But here’s a picture of a lemon from my backyard WHAT THE EVERLOVING FUCK when life gives yoǘ̻̬͓͎̣̟̩̦͢ ͪ̂̀̆҉̳̘̝̺̀l͇̬̹̞̻̥͕̥̗̒̎ͩ̋ͥ͆e͙̭̭̠̣̠̊́ͩ̂̓̀ṃ̛̍̂͛̈̏o̠̪̪ͤ͗͘n̵͉̣ͭͧ̿ͧ͛̀s̷̠͑ͬͫͦ̅͡ ̸͐ͤ͘҉̦̺M̰̹͙͇ͮ̉ͫͅȦ̻̔̅̇̑ͭ͛͋͘K̠̻̫̤̇̀ͥE͂ͪ͏̱̤͚͕ ̞͔̜̬̑ͯ͑͢ͅŞ͔̦̩̳̣̖ͮ͊ͨA͈̓͂̈́̀̀̚͘C̡̠̟͉ͪ͆̔ͤ͂ͪR̬͙͕ͪ̀͠Ĩ̵̖͚̑̊̓́F͎͕̄Iͬͧ̀̂̑ͪ͟͏̴̪̤ͅC̢̰̝͓̗͛ͬ̔̍̓́́̚̚Ḙ̶̠̰̳̩̳̊ͭͮ̇̇̚̕S̻͖̣̰̒̈͟ it’s back Satan lemon every villain is lemons And finally, dear listeners, a reminder; several concerned citizens have brought to the city’s attention an irregularity surrounding this summer’s citrus harvest. City council would like to remind all enterprising fruit pickers to exercise reasonable caution when acquiring these fruits. Grasp the fruit firmly around its circumference, pull slowly but steadily to avoid damaging the tree, and under no circumstances heed its demands of you. Do not acknowledge or obey the depraved whisperings of the demon fruit. And now: The Weather. This kind of looks like a Buddha’s hand to me they’re a type of Citron, a citrus closely related to lemons. I wonder if whatever causes that twistedness in Buddha’s hands is present but dormant/recessive in other citruses? @botanyshitposts do you know about this? a lot of people having been messaging me about this, and honestly i had no idea that Buddha’s hands existed and it totally seems likely to me??? like honestly that seems like a really plausible explanation, especially because when we look at the demon fruit, the twisty ‘arms’ are going off in all different directions when the only place i can see a twisty arm happening on a lemon is on the top. like if the fruit is developing from the original growth point into a body then why are the offshoots developing the opposite way, from a body into a twisty thing? when in a Buddha’s hand, it totally makes sense because the twisty things are growing outward anyway.  im no pomologist but the similarities in the growth patterns really do reflect in The Demon Fruit.  @gallusrostromegalus WAIT I KNOW THIS ONE! The short version is that Citrus is a slutty, slutty genus of plants that can knock up pretty much any other member of the genus and uh… it’s mots recent relative as of 7 million years ago, becuase why not. Usually that makes for tasty children like tangerines and whatnot, but sometimes Weird Shit happens. All modern citrus are descended from Mandrin oranges, Pumelos and Etrogs, the latter being closest to lemons and which looks like this: It’s big and lumpy and mostly pith but also tasty as hell so Ye Ancient Malay Archipeligo Orchard Guy gets to breeding these for more tasty innards, presumable inventing lemonade in the process.  YAMAOG also finds out that it’s REALLY easy to seriously mess with the overall appearence of the fruit of these very inbred etrogs, and starts breeding all kinds of nonsense, like Bhudda’s palms, Modern Lemons and Grapefruit. YAMAOG also noticed that in addition to the occasional ugly inbred mule child, you can also get really strange looking fruit if the tree gets sick, is malnourished, if any part of the flower is damaged, or if the weather just sucks that year.  In addition to being a Major Slut, Citrus is also a Fussy Bitch. Looking at the Demon Fruit, my best guesses are If you’ve had weird-shaped fruits off that tree before, you might have a very strange hybrid tree like the dachsund-pitbull one of my neighbors owns. If it’s only the one fruit, and your tree is producing otherwise normal lemons, that particular flower or branch took some kind of damage or had a viral infection, which fucked up all the hormones and hence your lemon has gone all Ending-Of-Akira on you. GOOD NEWS FOR BOTH SCENARIOS: unless the fruit looks like it’s actually rotting, it’s safe to eat!  weird fruit shapes in lemons pretty much never makes them dangerous, just maybe a bit more tart than usual. Enjoy a nice glass of demonfruit juice! @motorizedduck relevant
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Fucking, Head, and Iphone: Kat BlaqueX @kat_blaque I've been raped several times in my life and I cannot describe the genitalia of my rapists. I wasn't thinking about that. I was shocked that it was even happening to me. That human beings can be that fucking cruel and careless. What their dick looked like didn't cross my mind. Jason Campbell @JasonSCampbell 18h Ben Shapiro dismisses allegations of sexual assault against Brett Kavanaugh with "Nobody has yet described Kavanaugh's [genitalia]" TeE 0:33/1:19 BEN PIRO SH 4.2M views Kat Blaque @kat_blaque Idon't wish rape on anyone but sometimes I wish these men, because it's almost always men, understood what goes through your head when you're being raped. You often can't even comprehend what's happening to you and you almost immediately don't want to talk about it 8:46 PM Sep 16, 2019 Twitter for iPhone Kat Blaque @kat_blaque And when it's happening you wonder if the consequences of fighting back are even worth it. Maybe it's just better that you let it happen because if someone can do this to you, what's stopping them from actually killing you? Where exactly is the line with them? 8:48 PM Sep 16, 2019 Twitter for iPhone > Kat Blaque @kat_blaque literally cannot comprehend rape as It's like these men a violation. They must always somehow make it about sex and whether or not the sex was enjoyable. It's so depraved to me. Almost like they personally do not know the difference. I fear for their partners 8:49 PM Sep 16, 2019 Twitter for iPhone whyyoustabbedme: 0fucs: uncommonbish: describe rapist genitalia?? what the hell….. maybe victims need to name rapist’s fav color? or name his first pet??? These creatures don’t have souls. fucking perverts
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Driving, Funny, and News: Dan Primack @danprimack 3h Automattic paid peanuts for Tumblr. Source familiar puts it well south of $20 million. Reminder: Yahoo paid $1.1 billion for it. t Tumblr Verizon agrees to sell Tumblr to owner of Wordpress Yahoo acquired the company in 2013 for $1.1 billion. &axios.com 84 t1.1K 1.9K Dan Primack @danprimack 2h Again, just to be clear... emphasis on the "well below" $20 million... t39 448 Dan Primack @danprimack 3/Story updated: Price less than $3 million. 6:16 PM Aug 12, 2019 TweetDeck thecheshirechloe: optometrictzedek: thewebcomicsreview: What’s funny is when you read articles about what happened, they never mention how Yahoo promised no ads only to put in ads anyway, pissing off and alienating users. They never mention that Verizon’s idea of “no adult content” was to implement poorly trained bots to clear the site of anything that looked like a tittie, which utterly failed at clearing the site of adult content or spam bots and instead forced millions of SFW users, especially artists, off the site. Instead they just say “Verizon’s decision to ban adult content upset and alienated many users.” Like no, that’s not even remotely what happened. I get new porn/spam bot follows daily even now, the problem is the worst its ever been, Verizon failed spectacularly at doing what they said they’d do (including protecting artists etc. from being targeted by their algorithms). The news wants the public to believe that we all threw a hissy fit and left en masse like a crowd of depraved neckbeards when tumblr banned adult content, driving the site into the ground as we left. Not a single article I’ve seen has discussed how Verizon/Yahoo is at fault. Not one. … do they not know that it’s their own fault?? Do they genuinely think that we’re all mad about the “lack of pornography”???
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Cards Against Humanity, Driving, and Funny: Dan Primack @danprimack 3h Automattic paid peanuts for Tumblr. Source familiar puts it well south of $20 million. Reminder: Yahoo paid $1.1 billion for it. t Tumblr Verizon agrees to sell Tumblr to owner of Wordpress Yahoo acquired the company in 2013 for $1.1 billion. &axios.com 84 t1.1K 1.9K Dan Primack @danprimack 2h Again, just to be clear... emphasis on the "well below" $20 million... t39 448 Dan Primack @danprimack 3/Story updated: Price less than $3 million. 6:16 PM Aug 12, 2019 TweetDeck 12000wheelsofseductivecheese: cutie-quinn: optometrictzedek: thewebcomicsreview: What’s funny is when you read articles about what happened, they never mention how Yahoo promised no ads only to put in ads anyway, pissing off and alienating users. They never mention that Verizon’s idea of “no adult content” was to implement poorly trained bots to clear the site of anything that looked like a tittie, which utterly failed at clearing the site of adult content or spam bots and instead forced millions of SFW users, especially artists, off the site. Instead they just say “Verizon’s decision to ban adult content upset and alienated many users.” Like no, that’s not even remotely what happened. I get new porn/spam bot follows daily even now, the problem is the worst its ever been, Verizon failed spectacularly at doing what they said they’d do (including protecting artists etc. from being targeted by their algorithms). The news wants the public to believe that we all threw a hissy fit and left en masse like a crowd of depraved neckbeards when tumblr banned adult content, driving the site into the ground as we left. Not a single article I’ve seen has discussed how Verizon/Yahoo is at fault. Not one. How cheap do you think we could buy it back for so we can put it back to normal? If we keep going at this rate then the Cards Against Humanity peeps probably COULD buy Tumblr.
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Fall, Life, and Target: glumshoe: botanyshitposts: spirit-of-science: thebloggerbloggerfun: teafortrouble: eteo: fall-for-nothing: trickster-eridan: buttpilgrim: scientificperfection: kittiesinthemorning: I just don’t understand how this happened. But here’s a picture of a lemon from my backyard WHAT THE EVERLOVING FUCK when life gives yoǘ̻̬͓͎̣̟̩̦͢ ͪ̂̀̆҉̳̘̝̺̀l͇̬̹̞̻̥͕̥̗̒̎ͩ̋ͥ͆e͙̭̭̠̣̠̊́ͩ̂̓̀ṃ̛̍̂͛̈̏o̠̪̪ͤ͗͘n̵͉̣ͭͧ̿ͧ͛̀s̷̠͑ͬͫͦ̅͡ ̸͐ͤ͘҉̦̺M̰̹͙͇ͮ̉ͫͅȦ̻̔̅̇̑ͭ͛͋͘K̠̻̫̤̇̀ͥE͂ͪ͏̱̤͚͕ ̞͔̜̬̑ͯ͑͢ͅŞ͔̦̩̳̣̖ͮ͊ͨA͈̓͂̈́̀̀̚͘C̡̠̟͉ͪ͆̔ͤ͂ͪR̬͙͕ͪ̀͠Ĩ̵̖͚̑̊̓́F͎͕̄Iͬͧ̀̂̑ͪ͟͏̴̪̤ͅC̢̰̝͓̗͛ͬ̔̍̓́́̚̚Ḙ̶̠̰̳̩̳̊ͭͮ̇̇̚̕S̻͖̣̰̒̈͟ it’s back Satan lemon every villain is lemons And finally, dear listeners, a reminder; several concerned citizens have brought to the city’s attention an irregularity surrounding this summer’s citrus harvest. City council would like to remind all enterprising fruit pickers to exercise reasonable caution when acquiring these fruits. Grasp the fruit firmly around its circumference, pull slowly but steadily to avoid damaging the tree, and under no circumstances heed its demands of you. Do not acknowledge or obey the depraved whisperings of the demon fruit. And now: The Weather. This kind of looks like a Buddha’s hand to me they’re a type of Citron, a citrus closely related to lemons. I wonder if whatever causes that twistedness in Buddha’s hands is present but dormant/recessive in other citruses? @botanyshitposts do you know about this? a lot of people having been messaging me about this, and honestly i had no idea that Buddha’s hands existed and it totally seems likely to me??? like honestly that seems like a really plausible explanation, especially because when we look at the demon fruit, the twisty ‘arms’ are going off in all different directions when the only place i can see a twisty arm happening on a lemon is on the top. like if the fruit is developing from the original growth point into a body then why are the offshoots developing the opposite way, from a body into a twisty thing? when in a Buddha’s hand, it totally makes sense because the twisty things are growing outward anyway.  im no pomologist but the similarities in the growth patterns really do reflect in The Demon Fruit.  there he is… the Lemon Demon
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