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mrevaunit42: starafterdeath: schi-walker-locked: a-small-bowl-of-noodles: kakaphoe: of-another-broken-heart: kakaphoe: asymbina: iamsapphirecrimsonclaw: bluesey-182: captaindeadpoet: hiringdreamers: ezurad: commandtower-solring-go: kayas-wife: chandra-nalaar: viralthings: The more you look at this picture, the more anxious it becomes. this is just a normal waffle house there is a bloody handprint on the door There is somethung under the counter with the cups Blind man reading news paperSkull in the coffee Milk is $15 Lady’s hand is a tentacle the bleeding pie, the eyeball and fingers on the blind man’s plate… I was trying to find something nobody else had seen yet, when I realized… Look right above the tentacle arm. The second man at the buffet, what the hell is he doing? He’s either throwing up or eating an octopus. I think his face is just tentacles. The blind man has gills. Scariest detail: this image was ripped from the creator’s site and vandalized (edited to remove the watermark), then reuploaded for viral fame without so much as a mention of the artist’s name. SOURCE: http://jeffleejohnson.deviantart.com/art/Blue-Plate-Special-661961724 That said, the earlier observation about milk being $15 is off - artist confirms this is based on a 1920’s diner, so the price would be in cents. (http://comments.deviantart.com/1/661961724/4375070065)The table under the journal is lacquered with ants. The person holding the skull-creamed coffee paints the underside of their nails. Either that or their natural nails grow red.The journal’s writing, intentionally made hard to read and partially obscured, is somewhat of a cheat to all the things amiss in the scene. (http://comments.deviantart.com/1/661961724/4372574544) I can make out: “… and eyeball … have to think he is less strange than the horrifying creature that seems to have inhabited the cabinet behind him … all tentacles and teeth … (obscured by cup) … Where in the world can be found such nightmares?!” Reblogging for the correct source (I didn’t even notice the OP wasn’t the artist oops). There’s a second one, and there’s even more in this AAAHH, cool, but AAAAAHHHH Just a regular morning in Innsmouth. Passing your perception checks isn’t always a great idea : ST 15 15 mrevaunit42: starafterdeath: schi-walker-locked: a-small-bowl-of-noodles: kakaphoe: of-another-broken-heart: kakaphoe: asymbina: iamsapphirecrimsonclaw: bluesey-182: captaindeadpoet: hiringdreamers: ezurad: commandtower-solring-go: kayas-wife: chandra-nalaar: viralthings: The more you look at this picture, the more anxious it becomes. this is just a normal waffle house there is a bloody handprint on the door There is somethung under the counter with the cups Blind man reading news paperSkull in the coffee Milk is $15 Lady’s hand is a tentacle the bleeding pie, the eyeball and fingers on the blind man’s plate… I was trying to find something nobody else had seen yet, when I realized… Look right above the tentacle arm. The second man at the buffet, what the hell is he doing? He’s either throwing up or eating an octopus. I think his face is just tentacles. The blind man has gills. Scariest detail: this image was ripped from the creator’s site and vandalized (edited to remove the watermark), then reuploaded for viral fame without so much as a mention of the artist’s name. SOURCE: http://jeffleejohnson.deviantart.com/art/Blue-Plate-Special-661961724 That said, the earlier observation about milk being $15 is off - artist confirms this is based on a 1920’s diner, so the price would be in cents. (http://comments.deviantart.com/1/661961724/4375070065)The table under the journal is lacquered with ants. The person holding the skull-creamed coffee paints the underside of their nails. Either that or their natural nails grow red.The journal’s writing, intentionally made hard to read and partially obscured, is somewhat of a cheat to all the things amiss in the scene. (http://comments.deviantart.com/1/661961724/4372574544) I can make out: “… and eyeball … have to think he is less strange than the horrifying creature that seems to have inhabited the cabinet behind him … all tentacles and teeth … (obscured by cup) … Where in the world can be found such nightmares?!” Reblogging for the correct source (I didn’t even notice the OP wasn’t the artist oops). There’s a second one, and there’s even more in this AAAHH, cool, but AAAAAHHHH Just a regular morning in Innsmouth. Passing your perception checks isn’t always a great idea

mrevaunit42: starafterdeath: schi-walker-locked: a-small-bowl-of-noodles: kakaphoe: of-another-broken-heart: kakaphoe: asymbina:...

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Ihad a dream that they changed the material handcuffs were made ofto this metallic gold colour and people kept trying to get arrested in sonic cosplay so they could, quote, “get those rings" and it was the hottest craze on the internet for a solid two months and basically every location in the western world banned s... #textpost #memes #ihad #dream #changed #material #handcuffs #were #made #ofto #metallic #gold #colour #people #kept #trying #get #arrested #sonic #cosplay #could #quote #pic: maidofsalt I had a dream that they changed the material handcuffs were made of to this metallic gold colour and people kept trying to get arrested in sonic cosplay so they could, quote, "get those rings" and it was the hottest craze on the internet for a solid two months and basically every location in the western world banned sonic cosplays and sonic ended up being a symbol for anarchist ideology. fortnite-all-nite-diner have you considered that this is a premonition queen-baelin the dream was prophecy & the future sure looks bright 74,788 notes ifunny.co Ihad a dream that they changed the material handcuffs were made ofto this metallic gold colour and people kept trying to get arrested in sonic cosplay so they could, quote, “get those rings" and it was the hottest craze on the internet for a solid two months and basically every location in the western world banned s... #textpost #memes #ihad #dream #changed #material #handcuffs #were #made #ofto #metallic #gold #colour #people #kept #trying #get #arrested #sonic #cosplay #could #quote #pic

Ihad a dream that they changed the material handcuffs were made ofto this metallic gold colour and people kept trying to get arrested in...

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starafterdeath: schi-walker-locked: a-small-bowl-of-noodles: kakaphoe: of-another-broken-heart: kakaphoe: asymbina: iamsapphirecrimsonclaw: bluesey-182: captaindeadpoet: hiringdreamers: ezurad: commandtower-solring-go: kayas-wife: chandra-nalaar: viralthings: The more you look at this picture, the more anxious it becomes. this is just a normal waffle house there is a bloody handprint on the door There is somethung under the counter with the cups Blind man reading news paperSkull in the coffee Milk is $15 Lady’s hand is a tentacle the bleeding pie, the eyeball and fingers on the blind man’s plate… I was trying to find something nobody else had seen yet, when I realized… Look right above the tentacle arm. The second man at the buffet, what the hell is he doing? He’s either throwing up or eating an octopus. I think his face is just tentacles. The blind man has gills. Scariest detail: this image was ripped from the creator’s site and vandalized (edited to remove the watermark), then reuploaded for viral fame without so much as a mention of the artist’s name. SOURCE: http://jeffleejohnson.deviantart.com/art/Blue-Plate-Special-661961724 That said, the earlier observation about milk being $15 is off - artist confirms this is based on a 1920’s diner, so the price would be in cents. (http://comments.deviantart.com/1/661961724/4375070065)The table under the journal is lacquered with ants. The person holding the skull-creamed coffee paints the underside of their nails. Either that or their natural nails grow red.The journal’s writing, intentionally made hard to read and partially obscured, is somewhat of a cheat to all the things amiss in the scene. (http://comments.deviantart.com/1/661961724/4372574544) I can make out: “… and eyeball … have to think he is less strange than the horrifying creature that seems to have inhabited the cabinet behind him … all tentacles and teeth … (obscured by cup) … Where in the world can be found such nightmares?!” Reblogging for the correct source (I didn’t even notice the OP wasn’t the artist oops). There’s a second one, and there’s even more in this AAAHH, cool, but AAAAAHHHH Just a regular morning in Innsmouth. : ST 15 15 starafterdeath: schi-walker-locked: a-small-bowl-of-noodles: kakaphoe: of-another-broken-heart: kakaphoe: asymbina: iamsapphirecrimsonclaw: bluesey-182: captaindeadpoet: hiringdreamers: ezurad: commandtower-solring-go: kayas-wife: chandra-nalaar: viralthings: The more you look at this picture, the more anxious it becomes. this is just a normal waffle house there is a bloody handprint on the door There is somethung under the counter with the cups Blind man reading news paperSkull in the coffee Milk is $15 Lady’s hand is a tentacle the bleeding pie, the eyeball and fingers on the blind man’s plate… I was trying to find something nobody else had seen yet, when I realized… Look right above the tentacle arm. The second man at the buffet, what the hell is he doing? He’s either throwing up or eating an octopus. I think his face is just tentacles. The blind man has gills. Scariest detail: this image was ripped from the creator’s site and vandalized (edited to remove the watermark), then reuploaded for viral fame without so much as a mention of the artist’s name. SOURCE: http://jeffleejohnson.deviantart.com/art/Blue-Plate-Special-661961724 That said, the earlier observation about milk being $15 is off - artist confirms this is based on a 1920’s diner, so the price would be in cents. (http://comments.deviantart.com/1/661961724/4375070065)The table under the journal is lacquered with ants. The person holding the skull-creamed coffee paints the underside of their nails. Either that or their natural nails grow red.The journal’s writing, intentionally made hard to read and partially obscured, is somewhat of a cheat to all the things amiss in the scene. (http://comments.deviantart.com/1/661961724/4372574544) I can make out: “… and eyeball … have to think he is less strange than the horrifying creature that seems to have inhabited the cabinet behind him … all tentacles and teeth … (obscured by cup) … Where in the world can be found such nightmares?!” Reblogging for the correct source (I didn’t even notice the OP wasn’t the artist oops). There’s a second one, and there’s even more in this AAAHH, cool, but AAAAAHHHH Just a regular morning in Innsmouth.

starafterdeath: schi-walker-locked: a-small-bowl-of-noodles: kakaphoe: of-another-broken-heart: kakaphoe: asymbina: iamsapphirecri...

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transpidermen: transpidermen: hi this is so funny to me literally cant stop thinking about “dude discreetly gives woman lactaid pill after she expresses concern over a milkshake on their first date and now they’re married” like… the romance of it all…  : A life-changing date I was out to eat with a cute guy at a diner. He suggested we share a milkshake, which seemed romantic except, for me, milkshakes were stomach assassins. I didn't know why, so I had simply avoided them. Now, though, I was confronted with my digestive nemesis. "I can't drink them," I confessed. "They make me feel awful "Maybe you're lactose intolerant," he said. He slid a small white packet across the table. "Try this." I glanced at the Lactaid label and looked at him to make sure he took a tablet first. After seeing it was safe, I opened the packet and placed the tablet in my mouth. Half an hour later, the milkshake was gone, and my stomach had no complaints. I bought a box and have had a pleasant journey through countless dairy escapades since. As for the guy? We've been married 10 years now. See less Feedback transpidermen: transpidermen: hi this is so funny to me literally cant stop thinking about “dude discreetly gives woman lactaid pill after she expresses concern over a milkshake on their first date and now they’re married” like… the romance of it all… 

transpidermen: transpidermen: hi this is so funny to me literally cant stop thinking about “dude discreetly gives woman lactaid pill afte...

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lightfromdeadstars: FOR THE GIRLS WHO DESERVED A HAPPY ENDING; an amberpricefield playlist“they’ll meet in a place for lost girls and life for everyone will go on. she’ll be the girl of octobers, ripped apart, pieces of her lost in a thousand realities.”Drive - Halsey⎜I Of The Storm - Of Monsters Men⎜Wasteland, Baby! - Hozier⎜Call Off Your Ghost - Dessa⎜Trouble (Stripped) - Halsey⎜Mineshaft II - Dessa⎜Take Me To Church - Hozier⎜Is There Somewhere - Halsey⎜Ride - Dessa⎜Yellow Flicker Beat - Lorde⎜Strange Love - Halsey⎜I Exist I Exist I Exist - Flatsound⎜Nashua - The Antlers⎜Ghost - Halsey⎜Please Just Stay Dead - Nicole Dollanganger⎜Dying in LA - Panic! at the Disco⎜Young God - Halsey⎜Cement - Nicole Dollanganger⎜Angels - Within Temptation⎜Why’d You Bring A Shotgun To The Party - The Pretty Reckless⎜Gasoline - Halsey⎜Rabid - Nicole Dollanganger⎜Blame Me - The Pretty Reckless⎜Far Too Young To Die - Panic! at the Disco⎜I’m No Good -New Year’s Day⎜Absolution - The Pretty Reckless⎜Last Great Love Story - New Year’s Day⎜Empty Gold - Halsey⎜Control - Halsey: CWhales DINER OPEN 24 HOURS lightfromdeadstars: FOR THE GIRLS WHO DESERVED A HAPPY ENDING; an amberpricefield playlist“they’ll meet in a place for lost girls and life for everyone will go on. she’ll be the girl of octobers, ripped apart, pieces of her lost in a thousand realities.”Drive - Halsey⎜I Of The Storm - Of Monsters Men⎜Wasteland, Baby! - Hozier⎜Call Off Your Ghost - Dessa⎜Trouble (Stripped) - Halsey⎜Mineshaft II - Dessa⎜Take Me To Church - Hozier⎜Is There Somewhere - Halsey⎜Ride - Dessa⎜Yellow Flicker Beat - Lorde⎜Strange Love - Halsey⎜I Exist I Exist I Exist - Flatsound⎜Nashua - The Antlers⎜Ghost - Halsey⎜Please Just Stay Dead - Nicole Dollanganger⎜Dying in LA - Panic! at the Disco⎜Young God - Halsey⎜Cement - Nicole Dollanganger⎜Angels - Within Temptation⎜Why’d You Bring A Shotgun To The Party - The Pretty Reckless⎜Gasoline - Halsey⎜Rabid - Nicole Dollanganger⎜Blame Me - The Pretty Reckless⎜Far Too Young To Die - Panic! at the Disco⎜I’m No Good -New Year’s Day⎜Absolution - The Pretty Reckless⎜Last Great Love Story - New Year’s Day⎜Empty Gold - Halsey⎜Control - Halsey

lightfromdeadstars: FOR THE GIRLS WHO DESERVED A HAPPY ENDING; an amberpricefield playlist“they’ll meet in a place for lost girls and li...

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sharpzero: Hey guys sorry for the long wait again, I’m back from France. Immediately got very sick on the way back but i’m recovering now.I very much want to be a better content creator for you guys. I’m planning on going back to school to get my degree. I want to bring back my other comics Double Blind and Improvise. I want to absolutely finish the stretch goals and fully complete the phase 2 kickstarter. I want to twitch stream the comic process so we can just have fun and we can connect better. I feel terrible about all the hiatuses and broken promises and I truly want to do better. Much love and happy easter to you all xox: KNPCK KNOCK SHUT DELIVERY MINJOO ELLIOT HONG 50 GREAT TO FINALLY MEET THE SOURCE OF MY HEADACHE I-I-I'M You HAVE I JUST- uM GUITE THE HE JUST FILE, HERE FILE? SHOP-LIFTING VANDALISM, ASSAULT, DISORDERLY CONDUCT THE IKEA TAKE A SEAT PART IS QUITE INTERESTING YOUR I'M GUESSING THEY DON'T SELL THOSE ZEBRA PAINTINGS FATHER CUT YOu QUITE THE ON LY A YEAR IN PRISON FOLLOWED BY A YEAR ON ANYMORE, HuH? DEAL PAROLE You CAN IMAGINE MY SURPRISE WHEN I SAW THAT YOU WERE THE SON OF THE DISTRICT ATTORNEY N-NO, SIR AND NOW ANOTHER DINER INCIDENT AND AFTER ALL OF THAT, You STILL MANAGE TO GET BANNED FROM 2 IHOPS YOu'RE GUITE THE NUISANCE AREN'T YOu? NOT GOING TO ANSWER THAT IT WAS エ'm… RHETORICAL NOW LET ME ASK YOU A REAL QUESTION ZERO! HOW MANY I WOULD PEOPLE HAVE NEVER COMPROMISE HIS IDENTITY! NEVER! You TOLD RED SHIFT'S IDENTITY To? ALRIGHT THEN SIT HOW MANY PEOPLE KNOW ABOUT THE WHOLE SHARP 2ERO SITUATION нOW MANY? SIX LIKE SIGH LESS THAN I EXPECTED MORE THAN I НОРED SIGH DANNY OKAY MADINA THEN MY BROTHER AND MY TWO BEST FRIENDS WHO DID You TELL? HIS FIANCÉE GIVE ME THEIR NAMES sharpzero: Hey guys sorry for the long wait again, I’m back from France. Immediately got very sick on the way back but i’m recovering now.I very much want to be a better content creator for you guys. I’m planning on going back to school to get my degree. I want to bring back my other comics Double Blind and Improvise. I want to absolutely finish the stretch goals and fully complete the phase 2 kickstarter. I want to twitch stream the comic process so we can just have fun and we can connect better. I feel terrible about all the hiatuses and broken promises and I truly want to do better. Much love and happy easter to you all xox
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I’m sorry but there is a Norwegian cruise liner leaving for Martinique and my plan is we both get very dressed up, including hats: l Verizon 5:49 PM 0 * 42% whats-an-egg / safety-offcer-barto Salt and Pepper Diner is John Mulaney's funniest bit" is Xanax/Prostate Exam erasure and I will not stand for it officialqueer The overlooking of "The One Thing You Can't Replace" is a criminal act. jewishdragon LISTEN, I WAS JUST WATCHING JOHN MULANEY AND I RAISE YOU DUCKLINGS! bisexualgambit HOW COULD YOU NOT SAY DELTA AIRLINES???? kurtwagnermorelikekurtwagnerd Bill Clinton Never Forgets A Bitch, Ever safety-officer-barto The responses to this post have been so amazing because it's reminded me, and I'm sure many others, of just how many hilarious bits John Mulaney has other than s&pd incendiarysongbird okay, but eighth graders doorstoplord could be a nursery awesomealfry being 12 years old on anotger continent is a great alibi starry-nightengale "Why buy the cow, question mark?" gadgethewolf THAT TALL CHILD LOOKS TERRIBLE apartmentofstabs And then. He ordered one black coffee for himself And kept driving spectralbarbhollano LOOK AT THAT HIGH WAISTED MAN, HE GOT FEMININE HIPS silly-slacker-person "We gon play jacks down at the soda fountain" NOBODY KNOWS WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT YOU IDIOT Y'know, how you talk to your grandma? ghettoinuyasha hello? HUSH bakvvas Eat assy buck a dick, and bell druugs mellowstarscape THEREISAHORSE LOOSE INTHE HOSTPITAL Source: safety-officer-barto 82,341 notes > anduinsholydick Tailor Automatic Screenshot Stitching I’m sorry but there is a Norwegian cruise liner leaving for Martinique and my plan is we both get very dressed up, including hats
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kakaphoe: of-another-broken-heart: kakaphoe: asymbina: iamsapphirecrimsonclaw: bluesey-182: captaindeadpoet: hiringdreamers: ezurad: commandtower-solring-go: kayas-wife: chandra-nalaar: viralthings: The more you look at this picture, the more anxious it becomes. this is just a normal waffle house there is a bloody handprint on the door There is somethung under the counter with the cups Blind man reading news paperSkull in the coffee Milk is $15 Lady’s hand is a tentacle the bleeding pie, the eyeball and fingers on the blind man’s plate… I was trying to find something nobody else had seen yet, when I realized… Look right above the tentacle arm. The second man at the buffet, what the hell is he doing? He’s either throwing up or eating an octopus. I think his face is just tentacles. The blind man has gills. Scariest detail: this image was ripped from the creator’s site and vandalized (edited to remove the watermark), then reuploaded for viral fame without so much as a mention of the artist’s name. SOURCE: http://jeffleejohnson.deviantart.com/art/Blue-Plate-Special-661961724 That said, the earlier observation about milk being $15 is off - artist confirms this is based on a 1920’s diner, so the price would be in cents. (http://comments.deviantart.com/1/661961724/4375070065)The table under the journal is lacquered with ants. The person holding the skull-creamed coffee paints the underside of their nails. Either that or their natural nails grow red.The journal’s writing, intentionally made hard to read and partially obscured, is somewhat of a cheat to all the things amiss in the scene. (http://comments.deviantart.com/1/661961724/4372574544) I can make out: “… and eyeball … have to think he is less strange than the horrifying creature that seems to have inhabited the cabinet behind him … all tentacles and teeth … (obscured by cup) … Where in the world can be found such nightmares?!” Reblogging for the correct source (I didn’t even notice the OP wasn’t the artist oops). : ST 15 15 kakaphoe: of-another-broken-heart: kakaphoe: asymbina: iamsapphirecrimsonclaw: bluesey-182: captaindeadpoet: hiringdreamers: ezurad: commandtower-solring-go: kayas-wife: chandra-nalaar: viralthings: The more you look at this picture, the more anxious it becomes. this is just a normal waffle house there is a bloody handprint on the door There is somethung under the counter with the cups Blind man reading news paperSkull in the coffee Milk is $15 Lady’s hand is a tentacle the bleeding pie, the eyeball and fingers on the blind man’s plate… I was trying to find something nobody else had seen yet, when I realized… Look right above the tentacle arm. The second man at the buffet, what the hell is he doing? He’s either throwing up or eating an octopus. I think his face is just tentacles. The blind man has gills. Scariest detail: this image was ripped from the creator’s site and vandalized (edited to remove the watermark), then reuploaded for viral fame without so much as a mention of the artist’s name. SOURCE: http://jeffleejohnson.deviantart.com/art/Blue-Plate-Special-661961724 That said, the earlier observation about milk being $15 is off - artist confirms this is based on a 1920’s diner, so the price would be in cents. (http://comments.deviantart.com/1/661961724/4375070065)The table under the journal is lacquered with ants. The person holding the skull-creamed coffee paints the underside of their nails. Either that or their natural nails grow red.The journal’s writing, intentionally made hard to read and partially obscured, is somewhat of a cheat to all the things amiss in the scene. (http://comments.deviantart.com/1/661961724/4372574544) I can make out: “… and eyeball … have to think he is less strange than the horrifying creature that seems to have inhabited the cabinet behind him … all tentacles and teeth … (obscured by cup) … Where in the world can be found such nightmares?!” Reblogging for the correct source (I didn’t even notice the OP wasn’t the artist oops).

kakaphoe: of-another-broken-heart: kakaphoe: asymbina: iamsapphirecrimsonclaw: bluesey-182: captaindeadpoet: hiringdreamers: ezu...

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justlookatthosesausages: invisiblespork: ohhowlucky: danteogodofsoup: killbenedictcumberbatch: standupcomedyblog: John Mulaney | The Salt Pepper Diner THE BEST JOKE IN EXISTENCE GOD I JUST TOLD SOMEONE ABOUT THIS STORY This is one of the best pieces of comedy that I have ever had the pleasure of witnessing. I love this. I have been looking for this online for awhile. [Audio transcription: I wanted to tell you one story. Uh. This is the story of the best meal I’ve ever had in my life, okay. Happened when I was eleven years old in Chicago, IL where I grew up. I went to a place called the Salt Pepper Diner, uh, with my best friend John. We walk into the diner one day, and they had a jukebox there, okay? And the jukebox was three plays for a dollar. So we put in 7 dollars and selected 21 plays of of Tom Jones’s What’s New Pussycat. And then we ordered and waited.  Here’s the thing about when, uh, What’s New Pussycat plays over and over and over and over and over again. The second time it plays, your immediate thought is not ‘hey someone’s playing What’s New Pussycat again.’ It’s ‘hey, What’s New Pussycat is a lot longer than I first thought. The third time it plays you’re thinking maybe someone’s playing What’s New Pussycat again. The fourth time it plays you’re either thinking ‘whoa someone just played What’s New Pussycat FOUR TIMES or at least someone played it twice, and it’s a really long song.’ So the fifth time is the kicker, alright?  Now, John and I we’re watching the entire diner at this point, alright? Most people have gotten wind as to what’s going on. And we’re staring at this one guy and he’s sitting in like a booth with his stupid kids jumping around, and he’s like staring at his coffee cup like this, and he’s been onto us since the beginning. And he’s sitting there, and his hand is shaking, and he had this look on his face like, aw, like he had just gotten his thirty day chip from anger management. And he’s staring like this, and the fourth song fades out. It’s dead quiet. Then, I don’t know if you know this, but the song begins very quietly… BWAAAH BWAAAAAH WHAT’S NEW PUSSYCAT and he goes GOD DAMN IT and pounds on the table, silverware flies everywhere, and it was fantastic. But a word about my best friend John and what a genius he was because when we first walked into the diner, okay? When we first got there and I’m punching in the What’s New Pussycats alright? I’ve punched in like 7 at this point then John says to me ‘hey hey hey before you punch in another What’s New Pussycat let’s drop in one It’s Not Unusual.’ Oh yes. That is when the afternoon went from good to great. After seven What’s New Pussycats. In a row - It played seven times. Suddenly - Dum da dum, IT’S NOT UNUSUAL and the sigh of relief that swept through the diner. People were so happy. It was like the liberation of France. You know for years scientists have wondered can you make grown men and women weep tears of joy by playing Tom Jones’s It’s Not Unusual and the answer is yes you can. Provided that it is preceded by seven What’s New Pussycats. It’s true. Dead honest. And on the other hand. When we went back. Holy shit. It’s Not Unusual fade out. It’s dead quiet. BWAAAH BWAAAAH WHAT’S NEW PUSSYCAT people went insane. People went out of their minds. No one could handle it. No one could handle it. And they were surrounded by this seemingly indifferent staff that was just like ‘yup some crap as always.’  They unplugged the jukebox after eleven plays. And that was the best meal I ever had.] reblogging again coz this time it has audio transcription (bless you) and it’s still forever hilarious omg : justlookatthosesausages: invisiblespork: ohhowlucky: danteogodofsoup: killbenedictcumberbatch: standupcomedyblog: John Mulaney | The Salt Pepper Diner THE BEST JOKE IN EXISTENCE GOD I JUST TOLD SOMEONE ABOUT THIS STORY This is one of the best pieces of comedy that I have ever had the pleasure of witnessing. I love this. I have been looking for this online for awhile. [Audio transcription: I wanted to tell you one story. Uh. This is the story of the best meal I’ve ever had in my life, okay. Happened when I was eleven years old in Chicago, IL where I grew up. I went to a place called the Salt Pepper Diner, uh, with my best friend John. We walk into the diner one day, and they had a jukebox there, okay? And the jukebox was three plays for a dollar. So we put in 7 dollars and selected 21 plays of of Tom Jones’s What’s New Pussycat. And then we ordered and waited.  Here’s the thing about when, uh, What’s New Pussycat plays over and over and over and over and over again. The second time it plays, your immediate thought is not ‘hey someone’s playing What’s New Pussycat again.’ It’s ‘hey, What’s New Pussycat is a lot longer than I first thought. The third time it plays you’re thinking maybe someone’s playing What’s New Pussycat again. The fourth time it plays you’re either thinking ‘whoa someone just played What’s New Pussycat FOUR TIMES or at least someone played it twice, and it’s a really long song.’ So the fifth time is the kicker, alright?  Now, John and I we’re watching the entire diner at this point, alright? Most people have gotten wind as to what’s going on. And we’re staring at this one guy and he’s sitting in like a booth with his stupid kids jumping around, and he’s like staring at his coffee cup like this, and he’s been onto us since the beginning. And he’s sitting there, and his hand is shaking, and he had this look on his face like, aw, like he had just gotten his thirty day chip from anger management. And he’s staring like this, and the fourth song fades out. It’s dead quiet. Then, I don’t know if you know this, but the song begins very quietly… BWAAAH BWAAAAAH WHAT’S NEW PUSSYCAT and he goes GOD DAMN IT and pounds on the table, silverware flies everywhere, and it was fantastic. But a word about my best friend John and what a genius he was because when we first walked into the diner, okay? When we first got there and I’m punching in the What’s New Pussycats alright? I’ve punched in like 7 at this point then John says to me ‘hey hey hey before you punch in another What’s New Pussycat let’s drop in one It’s Not Unusual.’ Oh yes. That is when the afternoon went from good to great. After seven What’s New Pussycats. In a row - It played seven times. Suddenly - Dum da dum, IT’S NOT UNUSUAL and the sigh of relief that swept through the diner. People were so happy. It was like the liberation of France. You know for years scientists have wondered can you make grown men and women weep tears of joy by playing Tom Jones’s It’s Not Unusual and the answer is yes you can. Provided that it is preceded by seven What’s New Pussycats. It’s true. Dead honest. And on the other hand. When we went back. Holy shit. It’s Not Unusual fade out. It’s dead quiet. BWAAAH BWAAAAH WHAT’S NEW PUSSYCAT people went insane. People went out of their minds. No one could handle it. No one could handle it. And they were surrounded by this seemingly indifferent staff that was just like ‘yup some crap as always.’  They unplugged the jukebox after eleven plays. And that was the best meal I ever had.] reblogging again coz this time it has audio transcription (bless you) and it’s still forever hilarious omg
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