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Her: "Baby I spent the whole night puking. I don't know wtf is going on, I never puke. And now I'm craving ice cream with pickles πŸ€·β€β™€οΈ." Me: "ERROR MESSAGE A983: THE AT&T CUSTOMER YOU HAVE ATTEMPTED TO CONTACT HAS MOVED TO RURAL CAMBODIA TO MEDITATE AND GET RIGHT WITH GOD. THE AT&T CUSTOMER WILL SEE YOU AND THE LIL MAN ON DRAFT DAY. MAKE SURE LIL MAN FOCUSES ON DRIBBLING. ALSO, BUY HIM MATH WORKBOOKS. HE SHOULD BE REASONABLY GOOD AT MATH, BUT, RANDOMLY, NOT PARTICULARLY GREAT AT MICROSOFT EXCEL. MAYBE SIGN HIM UP FOR AN EXCEL CLASS. ON BEHALF OF AT&T, BEST OF LUCK." πŸ€πŸ€πŸ€πŸ“ŠπŸ“ˆπŸ“‰πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚: me: im not dramatic me with a small cold @Drs mashlove Her: "Baby I spent the whole night puking. I don't know wtf is going on, I never puke. And now I'm craving ice cream with pickles πŸ€·β€β™€οΈ." Me: "ERROR MESSAGE A983: THE AT&T CUSTOMER YOU HAVE ATTEMPTED TO CONTACT HAS MOVED TO RURAL CAMBODIA TO MEDITATE AND GET RIGHT WITH GOD. THE AT&T CUSTOMER WILL SEE YOU AND THE LIL MAN ON DRAFT DAY. MAKE SURE LIL MAN FOCUSES ON DRIBBLING. ALSO, BUY HIM MATH WORKBOOKS. HE SHOULD BE REASONABLY GOOD AT MATH, BUT, RANDOMLY, NOT PARTICULARLY GREAT AT MICROSOFT EXCEL. MAYBE SIGN HIM UP FOR AN EXCEL CLASS. ON BEHALF OF AT&T, BEST OF LUCK." πŸ€πŸ€πŸ€πŸ“ŠπŸ“ˆπŸ“‰πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

Her: "Baby I spent the whole night puking. I don't know wtf is going on, I never puke. And now I'm craving ice cream with pickles πŸ€·β€β™€οΈ."...

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U ever start dating someone and they listen to your genre of music and u all excited about it but then they like the wrong shit and now u annoyed u ever brought up music in the first place πŸ€”. Like if I'm talking to a older grown and sexy Caucasian woman and she got a tribal tramp stamp and she like Nickelback I'm not gonna hold it against her pretty ass Bruh. The horrendous rock - tattoo taste is indicative of a dark past and I happen to like ladies with a dark past - just like pets who came from bad circumstances, I find women with more issues than Time Magazine easier to love 😍. (Side note: this type of woman is brutally honest, which I also love. Like I'm all "ayeee...u ever test positive for anything?" And she just like "yeah, gonorrhea, once, in 2007 😣. I went back stage at an Aerosmith show, got drunk, and banged Steven Tyler smh. Nothing some antibiotics couldn't fix ☺️." And I'm just like, to myself "WOW!!!! Do u also dumpster dive and play roulette with the first needle u see by jamming it in your thigh just to see what happen?! You bold AF, grown and sexy Caucasian woman!" πŸ˜‚) Nah but u ain't gon discuss music with this chick. It's safe to say we gon spend the night talmbout Trump. But see sometimes the convo is more difficult. I'm like aye what u listen to, she like "rap ☺️" and I'm like "oh word? πŸ˜€" And she like "Drake, Gucci, Future, 21" and I'm like "take me to flavor town mama 😍" and then she all "G Eazy, Big Sean" and I'm all "this date was going great. It really was. I know in one week you gon text me like 'WELL I THOUGHT THE DATE WENT WELL SORRY I'M NOT UP TO YOUR STANDARD'" and imma have to reply and apologize but deep down I ain't sorry at all. If u a lil hipster who love Pinegrove and Weyes Blood we might could build a future. But if I ever have to come downstairs to enjoy pancakes with u and our 11 chirren and I hear "Last night took a L, but tonight I bounce back!", I might just say I'm going to Whole Foods for orange juice, get in the minivan, drive away, and never come back. Don't worry baby. Kids will be fine. I'll come back for the Princeton graduations, and NFL draft day 😘 GoodbyeForeverMyLove πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚: Don't talk to me or my son ever again DrSmashlove U ever start dating someone and they listen to your genre of music and u all excited about it but then they like the wrong shit and now u annoyed u ever brought up music in the first place πŸ€”. Like if I'm talking to a older grown and sexy Caucasian woman and she got a tribal tramp stamp and she like Nickelback I'm not gonna hold it against her pretty ass Bruh. The horrendous rock - tattoo taste is indicative of a dark past and I happen to like ladies with a dark past - just like pets who came from bad circumstances, I find women with more issues than Time Magazine easier to love 😍. (Side note: this type of woman is brutally honest, which I also love. Like I'm all "ayeee...u ever test positive for anything?" And she just like "yeah, gonorrhea, once, in 2007 😣. I went back stage at an Aerosmith show, got drunk, and banged Steven Tyler smh. Nothing some antibiotics couldn't fix ☺️." And I'm just like, to myself "WOW!!!! Do u also dumpster dive and play roulette with the first needle u see by jamming it in your thigh just to see what happen?! You bold AF, grown and sexy Caucasian woman!" πŸ˜‚) Nah but u ain't gon discuss music with this chick. It's safe to say we gon spend the night talmbout Trump. But see sometimes the convo is more difficult. I'm like aye what u listen to, she like "rap ☺️" and I'm like "oh word? πŸ˜€" And she like "Drake, Gucci, Future, 21" and I'm like "take me to flavor town mama 😍" and then she all "G Eazy, Big Sean" and I'm all "this date was going great. It really was. I know in one week you gon text me like 'WELL I THOUGHT THE DATE WENT WELL SORRY I'M NOT UP TO YOUR STANDARD'" and imma have to reply and apologize but deep down I ain't sorry at all. If u a lil hipster who love Pinegrove and Weyes Blood we might could build a future. But if I ever have to come downstairs to enjoy pancakes with u and our 11 chirren and I hear "Last night took a L, but tonight I bounce back!", I might just say I'm going to Whole Foods for orange juice, get in the minivan, drive away, and never come back. Don't worry baby. Kids will be fine. I'll come back for the Princeton graduations, and NFL draft day 😘 GoodbyeForeverMyLove πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚
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One night stands be the worse. I clapped these set of cheeks I ran into at this one house party I went too. I don't even remember her name lets just call her L because she looked like a L and I was off the Henny and when you off that Henny Hennything is possible. I wake up the next morning in her crib cause a nigga was drained from the super sayian 3 nut that was busted the night before. So faded I couldn't remember if I pulled out or had a condom. It was too late now it's in Gods hands. I'm not worry tho if she pregnant that's a good things. Single mothers breed athletes I'll see little niqqa on draft day. I turn over and was reminded quickly of the L I took. L was talking about "Good morning Baby" woah bihhh we just met don't you think we moving too fast. ( Like I want going Donkey kong in that ass a few hours prior). I decided not to be bias and give L a chance. I start asking her about her self when she the first thing she says is she loves "Love and hip hop" every hoe loves that show and it was time for me to go. I couldn't leave without eating. Breakfast is the most important meal of the day. I ask L what she had to eat at her crib. She said she can whip up some Waffles and eggs. She was potentially wifey material if she could cook for a complete stranger. That shows she's into missionary work. I'm chilling in her roach infested bed on my phone. A roach runs across my screen and refreshes my IF time line. L walks in shortly after with regular wonder bread with syrup and microwavable eggs. The fuck is this? I asked her where the waffles out she said "oh French toast waffles same thing". I was ready to Seismic toss this bitch through the bed. Anybody who can't differentiate between pancakes, Waffles and French toast can't be trusted. I had to clap it up one more time for the fuckery she bestowed me. I'm clapping these cheeks with Tears in my eyes and No food in my belly. I went home right after that. Some of you are wondering if I pulled out? I did and left some of my syrup on them back dimples. I ain't shit. I'm eating waffles as you read this.: A waffle is just a more considerate pancake. Its like, here, lemme hold that syrup for you in these convenient boxes One night stands be the worse. I clapped these set of cheeks I ran into at this one house party I went too. I don't even remember her name lets just call her L because she looked like a L and I was off the Henny and when you off that Henny Hennything is possible. I wake up the next morning in her crib cause a nigga was drained from the super sayian 3 nut that was busted the night before. So faded I couldn't remember if I pulled out or had a condom. It was too late now it's in Gods hands. I'm not worry tho if she pregnant that's a good things. Single mothers breed athletes I'll see little niqqa on draft day. I turn over and was reminded quickly of the L I took. L was talking about "Good morning Baby" woah bihhh we just met don't you think we moving too fast. ( Like I want going Donkey kong in that ass a few hours prior). I decided not to be bias and give L a chance. I start asking her about her self when she the first thing she says is she loves "Love and hip hop" every hoe loves that show and it was time for me to go. I couldn't leave without eating. Breakfast is the most important meal of the day. I ask L what she had to eat at her crib. She said she can whip up some Waffles and eggs. She was potentially wifey material if she could cook for a complete stranger. That shows she's into missionary work. I'm chilling in her roach infested bed on my phone. A roach runs across my screen and refreshes my IF time line. L walks in shortly after with regular wonder bread with syrup and microwavable eggs. The fuck is this? I asked her where the waffles out she said "oh French toast waffles same thing". I was ready to Seismic toss this bitch through the bed. Anybody who can't differentiate between pancakes, Waffles and French toast can't be trusted. I had to clap it up one more time for the fuckery she bestowed me. I'm clapping these cheeks with Tears in my eyes and No food in my belly. I went home right after that. Some of you are wondering if I pulled out? I did and left some of my syrup on them back dimples. I ain't shit. I'm eating waffles as you read this.
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