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Alive, Be Like, and Dude: probably-voldemort Okay so like there are vampires but one of the side effects of becoming a vampire is that you can't explicitly tell people you're a vampire Like, if they already know you're a vampire, that's cool and you can talk about it with them whenever. And if they don't know but are straight up like "hey are you a vampire?" you can be like "yes I am" and then you can talk to them about being a vampire because they already know now. But the point is you can't tell people So you've got this vampire who really wants to tell their friends and they're dropping all these hints and being as obvious as they possibly can be but their friends just think they over-exaggerate everything "Hey, when did you learn to lock pick?" "Sometime around the middle ages, I think." "Okay, fine, I won't pry then." "Cool shirt! When did you get it?" "Oh, about fifty years ago or so." "Dude you weren't even alive. It's a hand-me-down, then?" "Hey check out this cool Renaissance painting." "points to a person lying dramatically on the ground* "That's me." "Haha, that totally would be you. I'm the one getting his head chopped off" "No, you don't get it that's actually me." "God, I know. You're so dramatic." "How long has it been since you've been to Europe?" "A couple centuries at least." "What's this red drink in your fridge?" "Blood." Is it that new diet drink?" "No it's blood." "No, seriously. I'm thinking about trying this diet. Does it work?" sighs" "No." How come you don't have any mirrors in your house?" "I don't have a reflection.""Cool It's really admirable that you're not letting society's expectations dictate your life." "Hey, it's really sunny out today. Wanna go for a walk?" "No. I will literally burn up and die." "Fine, stay inside and watch Netflix. That's cool too "I heard these coffin beds are really supposed to help you sleep. I've never seen one this cool though. Where'd you get it?" "I was buried in it." "Fine Don't tell me." Dude, why are you always so cold?" "I'm dead." "No, really. I think you might be anemic. Are you getting enough iron?" Real Life Vampire

Real Life Vampire

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Bad, Birthday, and Clothes: Jordan Gleason April 1 at 9:06pm This is a longer post, so bear with me... Today I had to explain to a 60 year old man why he was banned from the pub In January he made several sexist remarks about the female staff that were working. He told them to their faces that that he liked looking at their tits while they washed dishes, and their asses while they were pouring drinks. He was told to leave and not come back. He came back last month, and was told we wouldn't serve him. He came back yet again today, and when told he wouldn't be served demanded to talk to a manger l sat with him for a few minutes as he explained that what he said would have been okay 20 years ago, and that it was just some off colour remarks. He told me he had apologized, and that he guessed my servers were too sensitive. He then told me that if what he said was a problem then I should tell them not to wear low cut shirts, and that I should face the dish washing sink away from customers. But since he apologized, he should be allowed to drink in my establishment because he lives in the neighborhood and will bring in business l told him flatly that wasn't happening, and that what he said to those ladies was incredibly offensive. The simple fact that he couldn't understand that just because they were were working didn't mean they deserve his disrespectful language. That these ladies were part of my family, and were human beings that deserved respect. They aren't objects, and they certainly shouldn't have to wear different clothes because he can't be bothered with showing them any decency or respect. "But we're men and they're females. Is cleavage just not a thing anymore?" I told him yeah buddy, it's not, and I won't be changing my mind about having him served. He threatened bad publicity, I told him I didn't care and he left. I work in the service industry, and we get the sheer joy and pleasure of meeting and talking to so many great people in our city. I've met some of my best friends here behind the bar. I live for it man. Connecting people who haven't met, making sure people can relax from a shitty day, or celebrate a great one, or just to simply enjoy a few beers with friends. I've seen wedding proposals, birthday parties, political discussions, deep philosophical debates, neighborhood organization, the absolute works The best of humanity coming together and bonding. That's my JAM. It's one of the biggest reasons l get out of bed in the morning to come in to work day after day As absolutely insanely fun as that is, the dark side of this business is we run into some pretty horrible goblin people. Folks who think that just because we're serving, we don't deserve any basic decency or respect. I've been snapped at, mocked, threatened, and insulted about not having a real job. Anybody in this line of work gets used to a degree of it and develops a thicker skin. Here's the thing though, women in this field get infinitely more disgustingly treated. The sheer number of times they get groped, or harassed, or treated like objects would blow your mind. The worst of it is how normal their harassers think their behavior is. Every single lady in here handles it with grace and aplomb, andI applaud them for it. I've had their backs as we've bounced people out for that trash, but countless times they just deal with it before it even gets to me Sometimes the dudes get so worked up that they demand to see a manager, and I get called in to speak with them. Every single fucking time they attempt to appeal to me solely because I'm a man. They try to weasel in with me about how the women are asking for it. That women shouldn't dress that way if they don't want to be stared at. They attempt to explain it away as just "dudes being dudes." It's expected for men to stare at women's breasts and make jokes about how much they want to fuck them. Wink Wink. Of course you'll understand they think, because you also have a dick. What terrifies and enrages me is how every one of them thinks that this is normal behavior, but also that other men will agree with them Men, we often don't see the level of filth that our friends, sisters, and mothers go through every day. We hope to surround ourselves with people who would never treat a woman like that. We live in a safe little bubble. But the reality of this thing? It's an insidious disease that's happening every single day, several times a day and it turns my fucking stomach So why am I writing this? I want to acknowledge the struggle of every single woman who will read this. You deserve our respect and to be treated with decency I want to stand up and say, I'm fucking sick of this To every dude out there, we need to fucking combat this disease like its the god damned plague that it is. If one of your friends says something shitty about a woman, tell him to shut his fucking mouth. Don't just laugh it off or ignore it. We need to listen when our sisters talk about this, and not just blame it on some bad apples. Not just say "not all dudes do that" or "well no one I know would ever do that." Nah man. This is an endemic cultural problem. If we want to start taking our status as gentlemen seriously we need to do more than just avoiding being a sexist prick ourselves. We need to open our eyes and fight it everywhere we see it, because the only way this thing gets better is to start calling it out for what it is Edit: Sorry for so many edits. I keep finding typos. Writing in anger isn't so conducive to well typed responses rcmclachlan: This is what a male feminist looks like.
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Cute, Definitely, and Fresh: Cool Shit That Can Actually Afford PART 3 PART3 0 Remote Controlled Tarantula $13.59 You could seriously scare the shit out of people with this one. Arachnophobia is one of the most common fears among people. l'o recommend using this on someone with headphones in. l've gathered from reviews that it makes a decent amount of noise. USB Thermoelectric Cooler & Warmer $14.99 It's a one can refrigerator. Simple, yet fucking awesome at the same time. It's better than a mini fridge because it makes you drink in moderation.. right? Giant Plush Microbes S9.99 -$19.99 Valentine's Day is coming up and I know some of you out there are single, but don't fret. Now you can give yourself chlamydia! You don't need to go dumpster diving at a sorority house to make friends with these cute little guys. Retron 3 SNES/NES/Genesis Game System $59.99 Yeah, I know."Holy shit peanutbitter this is sixty fucking dollars!" I get it, but I think that if you have the money, this would be a worthwhile investment. Those old consoles in our closets have seen better days. I think it would be nice to get a modern remake of all three in one. It's a hell of a lot cheaper than buying these three consoles back in their day LifeStraw Personal Water Filter $19.99 This could definitely be a life saver. It filters water as you suck it in.I might buy one of these and put it in my glove compartment in my car. If you get stuck in the middle of nowhere, it'd be nice to be able to drink straight from a fucking river iTouchless Bag Resealer $16.98 This is one of those inventions that was just a good fucking idea. Now you never have to go looking for that little chip clip thing that doesn't really work too well at keeping stuf fresh 4,500 Live Ladybugs $17.99 Honestly, I'm not really sure why anybody would want 4,500 ladybugs, but why the fuck not? They're only 18 dollars. That's about 0.4 cents per bug. novelty-gift-ideas:You can buy these stuffs here
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Cute, Definitely, and Fresh: Cool Shit That Can Actually Afford PART 3 PART3 0 Remote Controlled Tarantula $13.59 You could seriously scare the shit out of people with this one. Arachnophobia is one of the most common fears among people. l'o recommend using this on someone with headphones in. l've gathered from reviews that it makes a decent amount of noise. USB Thermoelectric Cooler & Warmer $14.99 It's a one can refrigerator. Simple, yet fucking awesome at the same time. It's better than a mini fridge because it makes you drink in moderation.. right? Giant Plush Microbes S9.99 -$19.99 Valentine's Day is coming up and I know some of you out there are single, but don't fret. Now you can give yourself chlamydia! You don't need to go dumpster diving at a sorority house to make friends with these cute little guys. Retron 3 SNES/NES/Genesis Game System $59.99 Yeah, I know."Holy shit peanutbitter this is sixty fucking dollars!" I get it, but I think that if you have the money, this would be a worthwhile investment. Those old consoles in our closets have seen better days. I think it would be nice to get a modern remake of all three in one. It's a hell of a lot cheaper than buying these three consoles back in their day LifeStraw Personal Water Filter $19.99 This could definitely be a life saver. It filters water as you suck it in.I might buy one of these and put it in my glove compartment in my car. If you get stuck in the middle of nowhere, it'd be nice to be able to drink straight from a fucking river iTouchless Bag Resealer $16.98 This is one of those inventions that was just a good fucking idea. Now you never have to go looking for that little chip clip thing that doesn't really work too well at keeping stuf fresh 4,500 Live Ladybugs $17.99 Honestly, I'm not really sure why anybody would want 4,500 ladybugs, but why the fuck not? They're only 18 dollars. That's about 0.4 cents per bug. novelty-gift-ideas:You can buy these stuffs here
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College, Cookies, and Drinking: BRILLIG BRIL ARI LLIO ar dry bar RILLIG BRILLIG dry bar RILIC helloitsbees: digi-cow: concretebuilding: uglyuglyugly2: A bar has opened that doesn’t serve alcohol, and it’s surprisingly successful. Brillig Dry Bar in Ann Arbor, Michigan doesn’t serve alcohol, but owner Nic Sims is counting on customers not caring. She hasn’t had a drink in 20 years, and she wanted to create a space where people—including, but not limited to, recovering alcoholics—could gather to have fun and socialize without worrying about drinking. In other words, she wants Brillig Dry Bar to have “a bar-like convivial atmosphere, with snacks and drinks and conversation, without it being a bar,” she told MLive.com. Sims runs the bar as a pop-up out of her husband’s coffee shop, Mighty Good Coffee. She serves interesting non-alcoholic drinks, like Brooklyn Egg Creams, Pomegranate-Rosemary Sodas, and Vegan Pumpkin Chillers, as well as snack plates with meats, cheeses, and cookies. Though some detractors have accused Sims of being anti-alcohol, the bar’s opening night last Friday was packed. According to BuzzFeed, “Brillig’s first customers included former drinkers, pregnant women, Muslims, teenagers, and college kids.” The next pop-up will be December 26. SourceSource This is actually really cool, especially for people who can’t drink alcohol, like people with liver/digestive/processing issues. That and alcoholism is such a weirdly normal thing and it shouldnt be, this is super important God I love this idea so much

helloitsbees: digi-cow: concretebuilding: uglyuglyugly2: A bar has opened that doesn’t serve alcohol, and it’s surprisingly successful...

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Cute, Definitely, and Fresh: Cool Shit That Can Actually Afford PART 3 PART3 0 Remote Controlled Tarantula $13.59 You could seriously scare the shit out of people with this one. Arachnophobia is one of the most common fears among people. l'o recommend using this on someone with headphones in. l've gathered from reviews that it makes a decent amount of noise. USB Thermoelectric Cooler & Warmer $14.99 It's a one can refrigerator. Simple, yet fucking awesome at the same time. It's better than a mini fridge because it makes you drink in moderation.. right? Giant Plush Microbes S9.99 -$19.99 Valentine's Day is coming up and I know some of you out there are single, but don't fret. Now you can give yourself chlamydia! You don't need to go dumpster diving at a sorority house to make friends with these cute little guys. Retron 3 SNES/NES/Genesis Game System $59.99 Yeah, I know."Holy shit peanutbitter this is sixty fucking dollars!" I get it, but I think that if you have the money, this would be a worthwhile investment. Those old consoles in our closets have seen better days. I think it would be nice to get a modern remake of all three in one. It's a hell of a lot cheaper than buying these three consoles back in their day LifeStraw Personal Water Filter $19.99 This could definitely be a life saver. It filters water as you suck it in.I might buy one of these and put it in my glove compartment in my car. If you get stuck in the middle of nowhere, it'd be nice to be able to drink straight from a fucking river iTouchless Bag Resealer $16.98 This is one of those inventions that was just a good fucking idea. Now you never have to go looking for that little chip clip thing that doesn't really work too well at keeping stuf fresh 4,500 Live Ladybugs $17.99 Honestly, I'm not really sure why anybody would want 4,500 ladybugs, but why the fuck not? They're only 18 dollars. That's about 0.4 cents per bug. novelty-gift-ideas:You can buy these stuffs here
Save
Cute, Definitely, and Fresh: Cool Shit That Can Actually Afford PART 3 PART3 0 Remote Controlled Tarantula $13.59 You could seriously scare the shit out of people with this one. Arachnophobia is one of the most common fears among people. l'o recommend using this on someone with headphones in. l've gathered from reviews that it makes a decent amount of noise. USB Thermoelectric Cooler & Warmer $14.99 It's a one can refrigerator. Simple, yet fucking awesome at the same time. It's better than a mini fridge because it makes you drink in moderation.. right? Giant Plush Microbes S9.99 -$19.99 Valentine's Day is coming up and I know some of you out there are single, but don't fret. Now you can give yourself chlamydia! You don't need to go dumpster diving at a sorority house to make friends with these cute little guys. Retron 3 SNES/NES/Genesis Game System $59.99 Yeah, I know."Holy shit peanutbitter this is sixty fucking dollars!" I get it, but I think that if you have the money, this would be a worthwhile investment. Those old consoles in our closets have seen better days. I think it would be nice to get a modern remake of all three in one. It's a hell of a lot cheaper than buying these three consoles back in their day LifeStraw Personal Water Filter $19.99 This could definitely be a life saver. It filters water as you suck it in.I might buy one of these and put it in my glove compartment in my car. If you get stuck in the middle of nowhere, it'd be nice to be able to drink straight from a fucking river iTouchless Bag Resealer $16.98 This is one of those inventions that was just a good fucking idea. Now you never have to go looking for that little chip clip thing that doesn't really work too well at keeping stuf fresh 4,500 Live Ladybugs $17.99 Honestly, I'm not really sure why anybody would want 4,500 ladybugs, but why the fuck not? They're only 18 dollars. That's about 0.4 cents per bug. novelty-gift-ideas:You can buy these stuffs here
Save
Cute, Definitely, and Fresh: Cool Shit That Can Actually Afford PART 3 PART3 0 Remote Controlled Tarantula $13.59 You could seriously scare the shit out of people with this one. Arachnophobia is one of the most common fears among people. l'o recommend using this on someone with headphones in. l've gathered from reviews that it makes a decent amount of noise. USB Thermoelectric Cooler & Warmer $14.99 It's a one can refrigerator. Simple, yet fucking awesome at the same time. It's better than a mini fridge because it makes you drink in moderation.. right? Giant Plush Microbes S9.99 -$19.99 Valentine's Day is coming up and I know some of you out there are single, but don't fret. Now you can give yourself chlamydia! You don't need to go dumpster diving at a sorority house to make friends with these cute little guys. Retron 3 SNES/NES/Genesis Game System $59.99 Yeah, I know."Holy shit peanutbitter this is sixty fucking dollars!" I get it, but I think that if you have the money, this would be a worthwhile investment. Those old consoles in our closets have seen better days. I think it would be nice to get a modern remake of all three in one. It's a hell of a lot cheaper than buying these three consoles back in their day LifeStraw Personal Water Filter $19.99 This could definitely be a life saver. It filters water as you suck it in.I might buy one of these and put it in my glove compartment in my car. If you get stuck in the middle of nowhere, it'd be nice to be able to drink straight from a fucking river iTouchless Bag Resealer $16.98 This is one of those inventions that was just a good fucking idea. Now you never have to go looking for that little chip clip thing that doesn't really work too well at keeping stuf fresh 4,500 Live Ladybugs $17.99 Honestly, I'm not really sure why anybody would want 4,500 ladybugs, but why the fuck not? They're only 18 dollars. That's about 0.4 cents per bug. novelty-gift-ideas:You can buy these stuffs here
Save
Cute, Definitely, and Fresh: Cool Shit That Can Actually Afford PART 3 PART3 0 Remote Controlled Tarantula $13.59 You could seriously scare the shit out of people with this one. Arachnophobia is one of the most common fears among people. l'o recommend using this on someone with headphones in. l've gathered from reviews that it makes a decent amount of noise. USB Thermoelectric Cooler & Warmer $14.99 It's a one can refrigerator. Simple, yet fucking awesome at the same time. It's better than a mini fridge because it makes you drink in moderation.. right? Giant Plush Microbes S9.99 -$19.99 Valentine's Day is coming up and I know some of you out there are single, but don't fret. Now you can give yourself chlamydia! You don't need to go dumpster diving at a sorority house to make friends with these cute little guys. Retron 3 SNES/NES/Genesis Game System $59.99 Yeah, I know."Holy shit peanutbitter this is sixty fucking dollars!" I get it, but I think that if you have the money, this would be a worthwhile investment. Those old consoles in our closets have seen better days. I think it would be nice to get a modern remake of all three in one. It's a hell of a lot cheaper than buying these three consoles back in their day LifeStraw Personal Water Filter $19.99 This could definitely be a life saver. It filters water as you suck it in.I might buy one of these and put it in my glove compartment in my car. If you get stuck in the middle of nowhere, it'd be nice to be able to drink straight from a fucking river iTouchless Bag Resealer $16.98 This is one of those inventions that was just a good fucking idea. Now you never have to go looking for that little chip clip thing that doesn't really work too well at keeping stuf fresh 4,500 Live Ladybugs $17.99 Honestly, I'm not really sure why anybody would want 4,500 ladybugs, but why the fuck not? They're only 18 dollars. That's about 0.4 cents per bug. novelty-gift-ideas:You can buy these stuffs here
Save
Cute, Definitely, and Fresh: Cool Shit That Can Actually Afford PART 3 PART3 0 Remote Controlled Tarantula $13.59 You could seriously scare the shit out of people with this one. Arachnophobia is one of the most common fears among people. l'o recommend using this on someone with headphones in. l've gathered from reviews that it makes a decent amount of noise. USB Thermoelectric Cooler & Warmer $14.99 It's a one can refrigerator. Simple, yet fucking awesome at the same time. It's better than a mini fridge because it makes you drink in moderation.. right? Giant Plush Microbes S9.99 -$19.99 Valentine's Day is coming up and I know some of you out there are single, but don't fret. Now you can give yourself chlamydia! You don't need to go dumpster diving at a sorority house to make friends with these cute little guys. Retron 3 SNES/NES/Genesis Game System $59.99 Yeah, I know."Holy shit peanutbitter this is sixty fucking dollars!" I get it, but I think that if you have the money, this would be a worthwhile investment. Those old consoles in our closets have seen better days. I think it would be nice to get a modern remake of all three in one. It's a hell of a lot cheaper than buying these three consoles back in their day LifeStraw Personal Water Filter $19.99 This could definitely be a life saver. It filters water as you suck it in.I might buy one of these and put it in my glove compartment in my car. If you get stuck in the middle of nowhere, it'd be nice to be able to drink straight from a fucking river iTouchless Bag Resealer $16.98 This is one of those inventions that was just a good fucking idea. Now you never have to go looking for that little chip clip thing that doesn't really work too well at keeping stuf fresh 4,500 Live Ladybugs $17.99 Honestly, I'm not really sure why anybody would want 4,500 ladybugs, but why the fuck not? They're only 18 dollars. That's about 0.4 cents per bug. novelty-gift-ideas:You can buy these stuffs here
Save