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Dicks, Fire, and Memes: TBT - SSG Corey Calkins Ladies and gentlemen, gather round the campfire as we light up your field day celebrations with a celebration of our own. That’s right, it’s time to throw this thing back to February 2010. A simpler time, a time before David Petraeus locked his knees at a senate hearing, and back when you could still tinkle on dead Taliban. omgtakemebackkkk⠀ ⠀ Today we’re talking about every Marine from 6th Reggie’s favorite little town in Afghanistan’s Helmand Province. marjahmarjahmarjah⠀ ⠀ What many of you may not know, however, is that them Gyrenes weren’t the only ones with their dicks in the dirt giving Terry the ol’ whatfor. Case in point, the subject of today’s OAF TBT; Staff Sgt Corey Calkins aka CashMoneyCorey⠀ ⠀ While serving as a weapons sergeant for ODA 3121, Cake Crushin’ Calkins was part of the coalition push through Marjah. On 18 February 2010, he led an assault of ANA troops against a platoon-sized element of Taliban fuckbois at a key intersection near the bazaar in Marjah. While under intense small arms, RPG, and mortar fire, Corey the Cockslapper charged the enemy position like a robust lesbian hopped up on Jack Daniels in a domestic dispute; inspiring his ANA troops to follow and overwhelm the Taliban position. TakeTheirShoes⠀ ⠀ After locking down the intersection and surrounding positions, Corey continued to fuck Terry six ways to Sunday by voluntarily continuing to drive the man-titty-havin’ soyboys out of smalls arms and RPG range so three critically wounded Marines could be evacuated. He aggressively pursued the enemy hotter than the homies in Tekashi 69’s cell block are pursuing his butthole. LemmeTugOnYoDickALilWhile⠀ ⠀ For his actions that day, SSG Calkins was awarded the Distinguished Service Cross and earned himself a lifetime supply of bummed cigs, fat pinches of dip, and near-beers from every Marine in the Ghan. ThereGoesMyHero ⠀ ⠀
Ass, Dude, and Energy: Countess Von Fingerbang @HeatherApplebum Men who feel the need to quiz women when we show any interest in something that they deem "theirs" are fucking annoying. Cut it the fuck out, suck a dick "With all the six stones I can simply snap my fingers, they will all cease to exist. I call that...mercy"-Thanos Replying to @MajinCheeks But can you name all the stones according to color? 5/11/18, 3:22 PM 1 Retweet e r Bluffy Spice @MajinCh... . 17h Replying to @themanstre Let's play! Space Mind Power 5/12/18,6:43 AM 78.9K Retweets 216K Likes oh-the-mess-i-make: madamehearthwitch: evilkillerpoptarts: momo-de-avis: cumaeansibyl: a) do you really think someone would put all that time and energy into making an infinity stone jewelry piece if they didn’t know all about the infinity stones b) I don’t see you putting all that time and energy into making an infinity stone jewelry piece, what have you contributed lately besides being a dick to people for no reason c) who gives a shit if you can’t name all the stones, you’re allowed to enjoy the shit you enjoy without some whiney ass loser quizzing you to the smallest detail I will NEVER FORGET my first convention.  A table was doing Transformers trivia and you could win a prize.  The men in front of me were asked fairly difficult questions.   Then I rolled up.  Dressed as Thrust because buttwings, damnit. “Oh, we’ll go easy on you,” the dude said in the most condescending, smarmy tone.  “Name one of the dinobots.” I rattled all five off in alphabetical order, and demanded that they tell me all six Constructicons. There were several guys at the table.  They managed five. “You forgot Bonecrusher,” I said sweetly and walked off.  I didn’t want the prize I’d rightfully earned.  Their spluttering was all I wanted. If you’re gonna gatekeep, I’m gonna DESTROY YOU. Great story BUT… You shouldn’t have to destroy them!! You don’t have to love something in a ridiculously obsessive way that knows every tiny fucking detail for your love of it to bring you joy. If that’s how they get joy, cool, nice for them. But you don’t have to. You can casually love a thing, cosplay as a thing, go to cons for a thing, without dissecting it into little pieces. Women do not have to be exceptional in order to belong. WOMEN DO NOT HAVE TO BE EXCEPTIONAL IN ORDER TO BELONG
Ass, Chelsea, and Donkey: malfunctioningtypewrite9 55:41:14.24 THINGS THAT HAVE HAPPENED ON THIS STREAM 1. THE FIRST $500 WAS EARNED BEFORE THE TREAM EVEN STARTED. 2. HBOMBERGUY WAS PLANNING ON MAYBE GETTING $3,000 3. CHELSEA FUCKING MANNING NOT ONLY SHOWED UP BUT JUST HUNG OUT ON THE CHAT FOR HOURS 3.5. THE FIRST THING HBOMBERGUY SAID TO CHELSEA FUCKING MANNING WAS "DO YOU KNOW HOW TO GET PAST BEAVER BOTHERS?" .5.5. SHE DIDN'T. HE WAS STUCK ON THAT MINIGAME FOR AN HOUR AND HAD TO CALL IN PROFESSIONAL SPEEDGAMERS TO HELP. 4. $25,000 WAS RAISED TO ERASE JK ROWLING 5. GRANT KIRKHOPE (THE PERSON BEHIND ALL THE MUSIC AND SOUND FOR DONKEY KONG 64) SHOWED UP AND SAID 'TRANS RIGHTS' IN DK'S VOICE 6. JOHN ROMERO (CREATOR OF DOOM) WED UP AND SAID TRANS RIGHTS 7. JOSH SAWYER (PERSON BEHIND FALLOUT: NEW VEGAS) SHOWED UP AND SAID TRANS RIGHTS 8. ALEXANDRIA OCASIO-CORTEZ SHOWED UP AND SAID TRANS RIGHTS 9. DR CHUCK TINGLE ACTUALLY, HONESTLY SHOWED UP AND SAID TRANS RIGHTS, AND PUSHED THE DONATIONS TO $300K THE ENTIRE STREAM HAS VERY HEAVILY FEATURED TRANS CREATORS, ACTIVISTS, AND COOL ASS PEOPLE SHOWING UP AND TALKING AND SHARING AND DOING AWESOME STUFF TO SUPPORT TRANS KIDS 11. THE ENTIRE DONATION IS GOING TO MERMAIDS, A SUPPORT AND EDUCATIONAL GROUP TO HELP SUPPORT TRANS KIDS AND FAMILIES, AND THE SUPPORT HAS BEEN AMAZING AND PHENOMENAL AND I'VE CRIED AT LEAST 3 TIMES 12. TEETH GANG EDIT 13. OH RIGHT THE STREAM HAS ALSO BEEN GOING ON FOR OVER 50 HOURS, HE'S SLEPT TWICE AND LEFT THE STREAM ON AND BOTH TIMES HE GAINED LIKE $10K WHILE THE SKELETON CREW TALKED OVER A SKELETON WEARING HEADPHONES alfunctioningtypewrite9 14. WE GOT THE DONATIONS UP TO PI WHILE NB GENDER THERAPIST BEN RECITES PI AND TALKS ABOUT MENTAL HEALTH FOR TRANS PEOPLE. 15. FUCK YOU GRAHAM halfunctioningtypewrite9 16, HE FUCKING DID IT. 101% ON DK64 AND $333K AND WE HAVE YET TO SEE HIM EAT A CARTON OF RAW SOY. UGLY CRY GANG YA'LL, WE CAN CHANGE THE WORLD. chuck tingle showed up?
Ass, Bad, and Bitch: kitfisto sandy cheeks would've voted trump that evil southern rat ass bitch thecouchwitch Sandy Cheeks is a pro-science feminist who lives in a foreign land that she respects the customs of and she would be offended you would even accuse her of this. varkarrus mr krabs would've voted trump lishadra Mr Krabs absolutely would've voted trump Mr. Krabs would not have voted for Trump because Mr. Krabs earned most of his money through hard work (and being a cheapskate and get rich quick schemes but those still require some effort on his part) whereas Trump inherited most of his wealth and thinks a million dollars is a small loan, Mr. Krabs would consider him an insult to richness for which he could not stand Plankton would've voted Trump You think he needs competition taking over the world? Face it folks. No one on Spongebob would vote for Trump. None of them. Face it. arcon Bubble Bass Shit. Dammit. Goddammit. Shit. God. Dammit. Fuck the-collecting-turnip Squilliam Fancyson would vote for Trump fgsshinyhoard okay im just gonna put down my things here Plankton would not want competition, he would not vote for him Krabs would never respect a guy who bankrupted himself four times, he would not vote for him Sandy Cheeks is an independent scientist receiving grants from academies to further her research in foreign lands, so she would never vote for him. Also, she would never respect a man who made such sexist comments since Spongebob did that once (to motivate his pet snail like a traditional sports coach) and she kicked HIS ass over a fucking field Patrick can't spell so he couldn't vote for anyone Spongebob is too nice and would never vote for anyone who used such inappropriate "bad words" during their campaign. Squidward is too lazy and defeatist to even vote because he thinks there would be no point. Pearl is a teenager and therefore too young to vote Larry Lobster is a trained medic and custodian and would not vote for anyone that crippled such services Bubble Bass WOULD vote for him because Bass is an arrogant self-entitled prick who enjoys deceiving others just for the sake of humiliating them, and would approve of such a person. Squilliam Fancyson would also vote for him because he's a wealthy narcissist. Mrs. Puff has a criminal record and is therefore not eligible to vote ohdebt Squidward is a full time minimum wage retail worker who is pro-union and anti-capitalist, and also a firm supporter and member of the fine arts community. He would actively vote against Trump, defeatist or not, and you can't convince me otherwise Things are heating up in the spongebob fandom (no political discourse allowed in the comments)
Ass, Bad, and Bitch: c3po sandy cheeks would ve voted trump that evil southern rat ass bitch Sandy Cheeks is a pro-science feminist who lives in a foreign land that she respects the customs of and she would be offended you would even accuse her of this. varkarrus mr krabs would've voted trump lishadra Mr Krabs absolutely would've voted trump. Mr. Krabs would not have voted for Trump because Mr. Krabs earned most of his money through hard work (and being a cheapskate and get rich quick schemes but those still require some effort on his part) whereas Trump inherited most of his wealth and thinks a million dollars is a small loan, Mr. Krabs would consider him an insult to richness for which he could not stand Plankton would've voted Trump. You think he needs competition taking over the world? Face it folks. No one on Spongebob would vote for Trump. None of them. Face it. legarcon Bubble Bass Shit. Dammit. Goddammit. Shit. God Dammit. Fuck. the-collecting-turnip Squilliam Fancyson would vote for Trump fgsshinyhoard okay im just gonna put down my things here Plankton would not want competition, he would not vote for him Krabs would never respect a guy who upted not vote for him himself four times, he would Sandy Cheeks is an independent scientist re- ceiving grants from academies to further her research in foreign lands, so she would never vote for him. Also, she would never respect a man who made such sexist comments since Spongebob did that once (to motivate his pet snail like a traditional sports coach) and she kicked HIS ass over a fucking field. Patrick can't spell so he couldn't vote for anyone Spongebob is too nice and would never vote for anyone who used such inappropriate "bad words" during their campaign. Squidward is too lazy and defeatist to even vote because he thinks there would be no point. Pearl is a teenager and therefore too young to vote Larry Lobster is a trained medic and custodian and would not vote for anyone that crippled such services. Bubble Bass WOULD vote for him because Bass is an arrogant self-entitled prick who enjoys deceiving others just for the sake of humiliating them, and would approve of such a person. Squilliam Fancyson would also vote for him because he's a wealthy narcissist. Mrs. Puff has a criminal record and is therefore not eligible to vote ohdebt Squidward is a full time minimum wage retail worker who is pro-union and anti-capitalist, and also a firm supporter and member of the fine arts community. He would actively vote against Trump, defeatist or not, and you can't convince me otherwise Gary is a snail, which is seemingly the cat of the Spongebob universe, so he can't vote. However, Gary is more intelligent than almost every character on that show, and would never vote for Trump if he could Source: c3po #i fucking died # she has a record 332,823 notes Squidward is a socialist Change My Mindtm
Bitch, Food, and Fucking: LO 29% 5:04 PM staggot + astral-nymph staggot Not following each othe staggot Choke bitch astral--nymph Why are you being so aggressive over people asking for proof? staggot I'm gonna give people proof I was abused as a child... ok astral--nymph You're asking people to give you their hard earned money for free We simply want to know that our money will be going to good use and not being wasted on luxury items bv someone takina advan- GIF Say your thing 29% 5:04 PM staggot + astral-nymph items by someone taking advan- tage of our good will. You can't treat people like this and tell them to die or choke. It makes you look like a dumbass and quite frankly you don't deserve anyones money if you're going to treat anybody like this. astral--nymph And nowhere in that post did you mention child abuse. How can you say we're asking for proof you were abused as a child if you didnt mention it? astral--nymph No. We're asking for proof of your bills. Proof you dont have the money in your bank accounts to pay everything yourself. Proof that you are unemployed or that you dont have enough of a wage to sustain yourself GIF Say your thing 29% 5:04 PM staggot + astral-nymph astral--nymp No one is asking you to prove that you were a victim of this or that. We just want proof that you actually need financial assistance. And so far you've proven that you don't deserve our money anyway with that fucking gross attitude of yours. astral--nymph That's all I have to say about it Take from it what you will, but stop telling people to kill themselves You're no better than the people you claim abused vou and your abuse doesnt give you an excuse to act in such a way either staggot Didn't read staggot You're a bitch GIF Say your thing POSTS LIKES FOLLOWING staggot Hi everybody, I was assaulted by transphobes for trying to use the bathroom at a bar the other day I visited my parents to talk to them about it, and they blamed me for not having "common sense" so l've decided I have to cut them out of my life even though they pay my car insurance and phone bill and provide me with food sometimes. If anybody is able to help me financially right now this is an emergency Here's a link to my PayPal https://www.paypal.com/ cgi-bin/webscr?cmd xclick&hosted_button_id-RSFC5VJB4ABRE - s- Or you can send money through the cash app my cashtag is $puppies3000 jbobbington celestial-naiad: Hey guys. If you see this post by @staggot rolling around I’d advise that you pass on donating to them. It’s in poor judgment to donate to people who don’t provide proof of their struggles, but it’s also in poor taste to donate to someone who treats people like this simply for asking for said proof. There’s absolutely no reason to act like this, unless of course you’re a lying asshole who just wants money for free. Tagging @nunyabizni @klubbhead @tooiconic @rallythedead @its-bewitched @robert-the-asshole @takashi0 Please help spread this around. I’d hate for anybody to lose their hard earned money donating to this person.