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📢  Motivational Memes

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edges Memes

On The Edge
On The Edge
Edging
Edging
pump
pump
pumped
pumped
import
import
democratic
democratic
i see you
i see you
incisive
incisive
ons
ons
comming
comming 


                

            

        
    

    
    

        

        
    

    






            

            
            

                

                    
                

                

                    
                    
                    

                        


	


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        Clothes, Fuck You, and Fucking: broadwaytheanimatedseries:
dontbugmeimantisocial:

captain-childishfirewarrior:

peppermimint:

giantchicken:

drawology:

pipesandrage:

tophatting:

all1sees:

fumblingfirebird:

cantankerouscrab:

#I CAN SEE THE STITCHINGS OKAY GODDAMN THIS ANIMATION IS GORGEOUS

  #and then you have people only going about how ~hot~ he is
because fuck, you can see the lines under his eyes and even red on the edges of the whiteness of his eyes
and frost on the edgES OF HIS CLOTHING 
but^

seriously, the amount of detail and animation in ROTG is just AMAZING, I felt like I could reach out and feel the fabric of their clothes, of Tooth’s feathers and oh my god , these people are amazing.

Tooth’s feathers have this purple sheen on the lower half of her body and it’s only apparent when her knees are bent or the angle is right

And Jack has kinda splotchy skin and scraggly canine teeth and salt and pepper eyebrows

AND TOOTH HAS FLAWLESSLY MANICURED NAILS

THIS MOVIE IS GORGEOUS

DON’T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON THE PARTICLE EFFECTS FOR ALL THE SAND


this is the kind of post I’ve been waiting for.
yes.
to everything.

What’s even more amazing is a bunch of nerds created that shit. I wish they got more praise for the amazing shit they do all the time.

I remember one of the guys showing me the sand tests .. he used to work for NASA.

NASA

FUCKING NASA EVERYBODY!!! 

AND AS A SIDE NOTE, PETER RAMSEY (who directed Rise of the Guardians) ALSO DIRECTED SPIDER-VERSE 


YES HE DID 

        

            
            

                
                
                    Clothes, Fuck You, and Fucking: broadwaytheanimatedseries:
dontbugmeimantisocial:

captain-childishfirewarrior:

peppermimint:

giantchicken:

drawology:

pipesandrage:

tophatting:

all1sees:

fumblingfirebird:

cantankerouscrab:

#I CAN SEE THE STITCHINGS OKAY GODDAMN THIS ANIMATION IS GORGEOUS

  #and then you have people only going about how ~hot~ he is
because fuck, you can see the lines under his eyes and even red on the edges of the whiteness of his eyes
and frost on the edgES OF HIS CLOTHING 
but^

seriously, the amount of detail and animation in ROTG is just AMAZING, I felt like I could reach out and feel the fabric of their clothes, of Tooth’s feathers and oh my god , these people are amazing.

Tooth’s feathers have this purple sheen on the lower half of her body and it’s only apparent when her knees are bent or the angle is right

And Jack has kinda splotchy skin and scraggly canine teeth and salt and pepper eyebrows

AND TOOTH HAS FLAWLESSLY MANICURED NAILS

THIS MOVIE IS GORGEOUS

DON’T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON THE PARTICLE EFFECTS FOR ALL THE SAND


this is the kind of post I’ve been waiting for.
yes.
to everything.

What’s even more amazing is a bunch of nerds created that shit. I wish they got more praise for the amazing shit they do all the time.

I remember one of the guys showing me the sand tests .. he used to work for NASA.

NASA

FUCKING NASA EVERYBODY!!! 

AND AS A SIDE NOTE, PETER RAMSEY (who directed Rise of the Guardians) ALSO DIRECTED SPIDER-VERSE 


YES HE DID 

                    
                
            

            
            
        

    

    

        
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        Head, Tumblr, and Vine: Rose Quartz Shield Tutorial!
 Easy, Cheap, Lightweight, and Fast
 From Makelovely Cosplay
 -TRUSTED QUALITY SINCE 192
 RUSTOLEUM
 ULTRA COVER
 FLAT WHITE
 PRIMER
 TIGHT BOND FOR A TOPr
 OGEST LASTING
 ALSO BONDS TO
 のritz
 1" x 2.5 yds (254 m" x22
 WOOD, METAL & MORE
 400 NET
 Materials: The key ingredient behind
 this magical project are these! Drum
 head covers are super lightweight
 easily painted, and come in a big
 range of sizes. Plus, they're pretty
 much the perfect shape for a round
 shield, and they're pretty cheap too!
 You'll also need
 - Primer(I swear by Rustoleum's 2X Ultra
 Cover for plastic, but whatever sticks to
 plastic is good!) &Spray paint
 -Elastic
 E6000
 -A bunch of paper
 An exacto knife
 -Acrylic paints & paint brushes
 -Some sort of sealant

 n between coats: Map out your design!
 started with a bunch of pieces of paper
 taped together and traced the outline of
 First up: Prime your drum head (2
 coats just in case!) and spray paint
 your color of choice (2 coats again!)
 l used Valspar's Gloss in Frosty
 Berry. I'm not super fond of it, but tro
 was the right color and I had it on
 hand!
 tit
 the drum head. The design itself was
 mostly free handed, but it did take a little
 trial and error before I got it just
 right. Trace this over with marker to make
 for easier cutting
 This is the most tedious part: tracing the design onto your shield! I cut mine out
 piece by piece, starting with the gem design, then the thorns, and then the vine.
 Just line everything up with what you've already traced as you go! Be careful at the
 edges! Since they're sloped, they might need a little alteration from your original
 lines.

 Now just paint all your traced designs in with acrylics (mine took 2 coats for the
 darker colors and 3 for the white) and give your shield a good clear coat to
 protect from chipping!
 For carrying, I used some E6000 to attach some elastic straps. You wanna glue
 the crap out of these things, put plenty underneath and some on top (it'll soak
 into the elastic) just in case! I used one big strap for my arm, and I held onto the
 smaller one, and it was pretty comfy all day
 Now get out there and defend the earth
makelovelycosplay:

Here’s how I made my Rose Quartz shield! It’s real easy and should work pretty well for any sort of round shield. Feel free to message me if you have any questions!
        

            
            

                
                
                    Head, Tumblr, and Vine: Rose Quartz Shield Tutorial!
 Easy, Cheap, Lightweight, and Fast
 From Makelovely Cosplay
 -TRUSTED QUALITY SINCE 192
 RUSTOLEUM
 ULTRA COVER
 FLAT WHITE
 PRIMER
 TIGHT BOND FOR A TOPr
 OGEST LASTING
 ALSO BONDS TO
 のritz
 1" x 2.5 yds (254 m" x22
 WOOD, METAL & MORE
 400 NET
 Materials: The key ingredient behind
 this magical project are these! Drum
 head covers are super lightweight
 easily painted, and come in a big
 range of sizes. Plus, they're pretty
 much the perfect shape for a round
 shield, and they're pretty cheap too!
 You'll also need
 - Primer(I swear by Rustoleum's 2X Ultra
 Cover for plastic, but whatever sticks to
 plastic is good!) &Spray paint
 -Elastic
 E6000
 -A bunch of paper
 An exacto knife
 -Acrylic paints & paint brushes
 -Some sort of sealant

 n between coats: Map out your design!
 started with a bunch of pieces of paper
 taped together and traced the outline of
 First up: Prime your drum head (2
 coats just in case!) and spray paint
 your color of choice (2 coats again!)
 l used Valspar's Gloss in Frosty
 Berry. I'm not super fond of it, but tro
 was the right color and I had it on
 hand!
 tit
 the drum head. The design itself was
 mostly free handed, but it did take a little
 trial and error before I got it just
 right. Trace this over with marker to make
 for easier cutting
 This is the most tedious part: tracing the design onto your shield! I cut mine out
 piece by piece, starting with the gem design, then the thorns, and then the vine.
 Just line everything up with what you've already traced as you go! Be careful at the
 edges! Since they're sloped, they might need a little alteration from your original
 lines.

 Now just paint all your traced designs in with acrylics (mine took 2 coats for the
 darker colors and 3 for the white) and give your shield a good clear coat to
 protect from chipping!
 For carrying, I used some E6000 to attach some elastic straps. You wanna glue
 the crap out of these things, put plenty underneath and some on top (it'll soak
 into the elastic) just in case! I used one big strap for my arm, and I held onto the
 smaller one, and it was pretty comfy all day
 Now get out there and defend the earth
makelovelycosplay:

Here’s how I made my Rose Quartz shield! It’s real easy and should work pretty well for any sort of round shield. Feel free to message me if you have any questions!
                    
                
            

            
            
        

    

    

        
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        Lit, Spider, and Vine: THE POCKET
 ENCY CLOPEDIA OF
 INDOOR PLANTS
 IN COLOR
 A. Nicolaisen

 urdy,
 have
 10
 erect trunk with
 site,shieland holes. From the stems, large Philodendron scander
 Growth: Vigorous clim
 while very small on
 en leaves on long
 ield-like leaves
 unches of hanging aerial roots are
 formed. Older plants may, under favour Sweetheart Vine
 able conditions in conservatories or Habitat: West Indies.
 hothouses, develop large, calla-like G
 inforescences with white spathes. Later, with pointed, heart-shap
 s with dots and
 pale yellow and pale
 ultivated as a young plant and
 en. C
 carded when the bottom leaves are
 d, its value as an ornamental plant i
 s debatable
 e: Best in a warm greenhouse,
 o good in a room after careful har
 ing off. Thrives for a time in dee
 g off. Thom after caou but aromatic edible fruits appear, which
 de. Requires a lot of space.
 1S
 grow to lengths of 30 cr
 have a taste similar to that of a pine-
 specimens. New leave
 brown and almost trans
 Use: Decorative room plant, requiring a
 lot of space. Suitable for trellising to
 l: Soilless mixture or light leaf mould
 ding: 3 grams per litre (1 oz. per
 ter: Should be kept moist all the year
 ht: Never direct sunlight. Thrives in
 Use: Well suited as cli
 alls, doorways and large windows.
 Soil: Soilless mixture
 with added peat. pH
 Feeding: 3 gram
 gallon) every
 Fertiliser sh
 moist soil
 trellises or walls or as a
 plant, also as a ground
 rvatories. An amusin
 s to allow the pla
 enveloped in mois
 soil
 on) every week (March-October).
 nd. Will not stand drying out.
 dy rooms, halls or staircases.
 t: Poor growth if temperature falls
 w minimum 15° C. (60° F.) during
 er
 st attractive and
 amount in t
 ss mixture
 rams per
 Frequent spraying. especially in
 lit positions, the
 spots and edges.
 Heat: Normal room temp
 not less than 12° C. (55° F
 Air: Syringe during gro
 up to very good centrall he
 Re-potting: Every 3 orA years
 Propagation: By cuttig top shoots with
 the aerial roots atta hed. They should
 be planted in equal arts of soilless mi:x
 ее
 ai
 otting: Every spring, in spacious
 agation:
 By cuttings in a green
 in an enclosed atmosphere, with
 e
 Mealy bug, red spider mite
 ially when the growing point is
 ri
 it
 e and sand, and must be kept moist
 and warm
 Varieties: borsig ina (but correctly
 Monstera pertus, which has smaller
 eaves and mor aerial roots than the
 type, and grows ore rapidly and vigor-
 ously. Can al be used in smaller
 rooms. This is e variety illustrated.
 NOTE: Aerial pots, which--like ordin
 ary rootss ve as ducts for transmit
 The sap in the leaves and stems is
 nous
 varieties: There are many hybrids
 this and other species with a
 variation in the distribution of
 en
 rs in the leaves. See also below.
 enbachia leopoldii
        

            
            

                
                
                    Lit, Spider, and Vine: THE POCKET
 ENCY CLOPEDIA OF
 INDOOR PLANTS
 IN COLOR
 A. Nicolaisen

 urdy,
 have
 10
 erect trunk with
 site,shieland holes. From the stems, large Philodendron scander
 Growth: Vigorous clim
 while very small on
 en leaves on long
 ield-like leaves
 unches of hanging aerial roots are
 formed. Older plants may, under favour Sweetheart Vine
 able conditions in conservatories or Habitat: West Indies.
 hothouses, develop large, calla-like G
 inforescences with white spathes. Later, with pointed, heart-shap
 s with dots and
 pale yellow and pale
 ultivated as a young plant and
 en. C
 carded when the bottom leaves are
 d, its value as an ornamental plant i
 s debatable
 e: Best in a warm greenhouse,
 o good in a room after careful har
 ing off. Thrives for a time in dee
 g off. Thom after caou but aromatic edible fruits appear, which
 de. Requires a lot of space.
 1S
 grow to lengths of 30 cr
 have a taste similar to that of a pine-
 specimens. New leave
 brown and almost trans
 Use: Decorative room plant, requiring a
 lot of space. Suitable for trellising to
 l: Soilless mixture or light leaf mould
 ding: 3 grams per litre (1 oz. per
 ter: Should be kept moist all the year
 ht: Never direct sunlight. Thrives in
 Use: Well suited as cli
 alls, doorways and large windows.
 Soil: Soilless mixture
 with added peat. pH
 Feeding: 3 gram
 gallon) every
 Fertiliser sh
 moist soil
 trellises or walls or as a
 plant, also as a ground
 rvatories. An amusin
 s to allow the pla
 enveloped in mois
 soil
 on) every week (March-October).
 nd. Will not stand drying out.
 dy rooms, halls or staircases.
 t: Poor growth if temperature falls
 w minimum 15° C. (60° F.) during
 er
 st attractive and
 amount in t
 ss mixture
 rams per
 Frequent spraying. especially in
 lit positions, the
 spots and edges.
 Heat: Normal room temp
 not less than 12° C. (55° F
 Air: Syringe during gro
 up to very good centrall he
 Re-potting: Every 3 orA years
 Propagation: By cuttig top shoots with
 the aerial roots atta hed. They should
 be planted in equal arts of soilless mi:x
 ее
 ai
 otting: Every spring, in spacious
 agation:
 By cuttings in a green
 in an enclosed atmosphere, with
 e
 Mealy bug, red spider mite
 ially when the growing point is
 ri
 it
 e and sand, and must be kept moist
 and warm
 Varieties: borsig ina (but correctly
 Monstera pertus, which has smaller
 eaves and mor aerial roots than the
 type, and grows ore rapidly and vigor-
 ously. Can al be used in smaller
 rooms. This is e variety illustrated.
 NOTE: Aerial pots, which--like ordin
 ary rootss ve as ducts for transmit
 The sap in the leaves and stems is
 nous
 varieties: There are many hybrids
 this and other species with a
 variation in the distribution of
 en
 rs in the leaves. See also below.
 enbachia leopoldii
                    
                
            

            
            
        

    

    

        
Save

    



        

    

    
    
    

        

            




    

        
        
        
        
        
        
        
    

    

        Alive, Animals, and Bad: mithsonian smithchan.com/monsters nake
 CHANNELmanstersrake
 02012 SNUSI Networks LL.C. All rights reserved Smithson
legitimatelala:

lokiwtf:

gallizfrey:

anneriawings:

siphersaysstuff:

honey-andrevolution:

sashayed:

silvermoon424:

poppypicklesticks:

billybatsonandjameshowlettsbro:

cosmicallycosmopolitan:

billybatsonandjameshowlettsbro:

james-winston:

The Titanoboa, is a 48ft long snake dating from around 60-58million years ago. It had a rib cage 2ft wide, allowing it to eat whole crocodiles, and surrounding the ribcage were muscles so powerful that it could crush a rhino. Titanoboa was so big it couldn’t even spend long amounts of time on land, because the force of gravity acting on it would cause it to suffocate under its own weight.

I’m so glad they aren’t around

omg me too. I’m scared enough of 26 ft long anacondas. I’m so happy Megalodons, those giant sharks, aren’t alive either

Praise natural selection

I remember watching Walking with Beasts or something similar, or some British tv show about evolution
The subject was something like a 12 foot long water scorpion
I was so startled by its sudden appearance and narration that I yelped: “12 fucking feet?!?!  I’m fucking glad it’s extinct!” 

Dude, prehistory was home to some fucking TERRIFYING creatures. For some reason, everything back then was enormous and scary. Extinction doesn’t always have to be a bad thing!
And Poppy, what you saw was an arthropod known as Pterygotus (it was actually featured in Walking With Monsters). Not only was it as big (or maybe even bigger) than your average human, it had a stinger the size of a lightbulb. REALLY glad that bugger isn’t around anymore.

Also, Megalodon deserves to be mention again, because just hearing its name makes me want to never be submerged in water ever again.


GOD, I HATE THIS POST. HOW DO WE EVEN KNOW THAT SHIT ISN’T STILL AROUND? LURKING? EVOLVING? WE DON’T. WE DON’T KNOW SHIT ABOUT SHIT DOWN THERE. THE OCEAN IS A PRIMEVAL HELLSCAPE NIGHTMARE AND WE ALL JUST DIP OUR STUPID FRAGILE UNPROTECTED FETUS BODIES AROUND THE EDGES OF IT LIKE THAT’S NORMAL. FUCK THE OCEAN.

this is so relevant to my interests 

It wasn’t just the predators. North Carolina was once home to giant ground sloths…

THAT IS A GODDAMNED LEAF-EATING SLOTH.
We’ve got a skeleton of one of these fuckers at the museum downtown, and man, just being NEAR it is unsettling.


DON’T FORGET PREHISTORIC WHALES, SOME OF THOSE FUCKERS WERE TERRIFYING
AMBULOCETUS WAS AMPHIBIOUS AND PRETTY BADASS

BASILOSAURUS WAS THIS GIANT REPTILIAN CETACEAN THAT PROBABLY SWAM LIKE A DUMB EEL BECAUSE OF ITS TINY FLUKES BUT THIS FUCKER WAS 60 FEET LONG AND AT THE TOP OF THE MARINE FOOD CHAIN
AND THEN THERE’S MY FAVORITE, ZYGOPHYSETER, WHICH WAS THIS HUGE EARLY SPERM WHALE THAT ATE SHARKS AND OTHER WHALES
IT WAS NOTHING BUT TEETH



The reason why the animals in the prehistoric times were so big was because there was much more oxygen in the atmosphere if I recall correctly. Because there was so much oxygen and so few carbon gasses, life on earth was able to grow to terrifying lengths and heights, don’t forget how giant the bugs were.


I have never seen so much prime nope in a single post


*Goes on Tumblr at 5am to help me go back to sleep for a bit longer*
*Never sleeps again*


Dammit I was born to late for all the fun
        

            
            

                
                
                    Alive, Animals, and Bad: mithsonian smithchan.com/monsters nake
 CHANNELmanstersrake
 02012 SNUSI Networks LL.C. All rights reserved Smithson
legitimatelala:

lokiwtf:

gallizfrey:

anneriawings:

siphersaysstuff:

honey-andrevolution:

sashayed:

silvermoon424:

poppypicklesticks:

billybatsonandjameshowlettsbro:

cosmicallycosmopolitan:

billybatsonandjameshowlettsbro:

james-winston:

The Titanoboa, is a 48ft long snake dating from around 60-58million years ago. It had a rib cage 2ft wide, allowing it to eat whole crocodiles, and surrounding the ribcage were muscles so powerful that it could crush a rhino. Titanoboa was so big it couldn’t even spend long amounts of time on land, because the force of gravity acting on it would cause it to suffocate under its own weight.

I’m so glad they aren’t around

omg me too. I’m scared enough of 26 ft long anacondas. I’m so happy Megalodons, those giant sharks, aren’t alive either

Praise natural selection

I remember watching Walking with Beasts or something similar, or some British tv show about evolution
The subject was something like a 12 foot long water scorpion
I was so startled by its sudden appearance and narration that I yelped: “12 fucking feet?!?!  I’m fucking glad it’s extinct!” 

Dude, prehistory was home to some fucking TERRIFYING creatures. For some reason, everything back then was enormous and scary. Extinction doesn’t always have to be a bad thing!
And Poppy, what you saw was an arthropod known as Pterygotus (it was actually featured in Walking With Monsters). Not only was it as big (or maybe even bigger) than your average human, it had a stinger the size of a lightbulb. REALLY glad that bugger isn’t around anymore.

Also, Megalodon deserves to be mention again, because just hearing its name makes me want to never be submerged in water ever again.


GOD, I HATE THIS POST. HOW DO WE EVEN KNOW THAT SHIT ISN’T STILL AROUND? LURKING? EVOLVING? WE DON’T. WE DON’T KNOW SHIT ABOUT SHIT DOWN THERE. THE OCEAN IS A PRIMEVAL HELLSCAPE NIGHTMARE AND WE ALL JUST DIP OUR STUPID FRAGILE UNPROTECTED FETUS BODIES AROUND THE EDGES OF IT LIKE THAT’S NORMAL. FUCK THE OCEAN.

this is so relevant to my interests 

It wasn’t just the predators. North Carolina was once home to giant ground sloths…

THAT IS A GODDAMNED LEAF-EATING SLOTH.
We’ve got a skeleton of one of these fuckers at the museum downtown, and man, just being NEAR it is unsettling.


DON’T FORGET PREHISTORIC WHALES, SOME OF THOSE FUCKERS WERE TERRIFYING
AMBULOCETUS WAS AMPHIBIOUS AND PRETTY BADASS

BASILOSAURUS WAS THIS GIANT REPTILIAN CETACEAN THAT PROBABLY SWAM LIKE A DUMB EEL BECAUSE OF ITS TINY FLUKES BUT THIS FUCKER WAS 60 FEET LONG AND AT THE TOP OF THE MARINE FOOD CHAIN
AND THEN THERE’S MY FAVORITE, ZYGOPHYSETER, WHICH WAS THIS HUGE EARLY SPERM WHALE THAT ATE SHARKS AND OTHER WHALES
IT WAS NOTHING BUT TEETH



The reason why the animals in the prehistoric times were so big was because there was much more oxygen in the atmosphere if I recall correctly. Because there was so much oxygen and so few carbon gasses, life on earth was able to grow to terrifying lengths and heights, don’t forget how giant the bugs were.


I have never seen so much prime nope in a single post


*Goes on Tumblr at 5am to help me go back to sleep for a bit longer*
*Never sleeps again*


Dammit I was born to late for all the fun
                    
                
            

            
            
        

    

    

        
Save

    



        

    

    
    
    

        

            
            

    

        

    



        

    

    
    

        

            



        

    

    
    
    

        

            




    

        
        
        
        
        
        
        
    

    

        Best Friend, Friends, and Girls: I lke giri A. We are very good triends. A's best friend B likes
 me. Also, A likes a guy C who is my best bro and C likes
 another girl D who is in a relationship with another guy. What
 should we do
 Priyanka Dhaka
 14.4k upvotes by Diksha Bijlani, Sandhya Ramesh, Mukesh Sharma, (more)
 You can apply Bipartite Matching algorithm of Graph Theory. All you have to
 do is:
 1. Put all girls as vertices (a's) in Part A, and boys as vertices (b's) in Part B.
 2. Draw an edge between vertex a to vertex b if a likes b.
 3. It will be a bipartite graph (there are no edges within vertices of Part A,
 and same for Part B) unless your friends are not straight.
 Maximum Bipartite Matching-GeeksforGeeks
 the pairs who should be together.
 much they loe/like each other. In that case, assign weights according to
 4. Then find maximum matching for this bipartite graph. (refer this link
 5. You will get maximum matching as output and the matched edges will be
 6. You can apply weighted bipartite matching algorithm if you know how
 their amount of love. and repeat step 4 and5
 Thanks for asking this question. Finally I have found a real life problem which
 can be solved by what Prof Panda has been teaching us for 2-3years.
 P.S. I can provide you code for both weighted and unweighted maximum
 LIndatad 28 Iul 201 bipartite matching which I made for my project
 Upvoted 14.4k Downvote Comments 149+ Share 54
When you are love guru but also a programmer
        

            
            

                
                
                    Best Friend, Friends, and Girls: I lke giri A. We are very good triends. A's best friend B likes
 me. Also, A likes a guy C who is my best bro and C likes
 another girl D who is in a relationship with another guy. What
 should we do
 Priyanka Dhaka
 14.4k upvotes by Diksha Bijlani, Sandhya Ramesh, Mukesh Sharma, (more)
 You can apply Bipartite Matching algorithm of Graph Theory. All you have to
 do is:
 1. Put all girls as vertices (a's) in Part A, and boys as vertices (b's) in Part B.
 2. Draw an edge between vertex a to vertex b if a likes b.
 3. It will be a bipartite graph (there are no edges within vertices of Part A,
 and same for Part B) unless your friends are not straight.
 Maximum Bipartite Matching-GeeksforGeeks
 the pairs who should be together.
 much they loe/like each other. In that case, assign weights according to
 4. Then find maximum matching for this bipartite graph. (refer this link
 5. You will get maximum matching as output and the matched edges will be
 6. You can apply weighted bipartite matching algorithm if you know how
 their amount of love. and repeat step 4 and5
 Thanks for asking this question. Finally I have found a real life problem which
 can be solved by what Prof Panda has been teaching us for 2-3years.
 P.S. I can provide you code for both weighted and unweighted maximum
 LIndatad 28 Iul 201 bipartite matching which I made for my project
 Upvoted 14.4k Downvote Comments 149+ Share 54
When you are love guru but also a programmer
                    
                
            

            
                
                
When you are love guru but also a programmer

                
            
            
        

    

    

        
Save

    



        

    

    
    
    

        

            



        

    

    
    
    

        

            



        

    

    
    
    

        

            



        

    

    
    
    

        

            



        

    

    
    
    

        

            
            

    

        

    



        

    

    
    

        

            



        

    

    
    
    

        

            



        

    

    
    
    

        

            



        

    

    
    
    

        

            



        

    

    
    
    

        

            



        

    

    
    
    

        

            



        

    

    
    
    

        

            
            

    

        

    



        

    

    
    

        

            



        

    

    
    
    

        

            



        

    

    
    
    

        

            



        

    

    
    
    

        

            




    

        
        
        
        
        
        
        
    

    

        Club, Ron Swanson, and Shit: Wait a second. What exactly is the message being
 conveyed here? Feel free to sabotage the product
 for the sake of making your own job easier?
 This worker just removed 47.64% of the material
 from the object he was assigned to transport! If
 one of his co-workers removed 47.64% of his cube
 to simply make a smaller cube, he'd move faster,
 too. And probably get fired for it.
 If the worker is going to carve up his cube, why not
 carve a cylinder? It'd be just as mobile as a sphere,
 but he'd only have to remove 21.46% of the mate-
 rial. And it would require less work to carve.
 While we're on the subject, though, how quickly
 did this worker carve a sphere out of a cube? Evi
 dently he didn't lose much headway. And he did it
 with that little pen-knife? Seriously? Do you know
 how difficult it is to carve a perfect sphere from a
 cube? That's some Ron Swanson shit right there.
 If the ultimate goal was to deliver a whole cube,
 then the worker has already failed. If the goal was
 to deliver as much of the material as quickly as
 possible, then he should have cut 4 edges off the
 cube [removing only 17.16%). An octagonal prism
 rolls just fine, with less material and time wasted.
 Don't Work Hard.
 Work Intelligent.
 But, for all we know, when the workers arrive at
 their destination, they may be required to stack
 the objects. In this case, our so-called intelligent
 worker has delivered an object that won't stack.
 Bravo, intelligent worker! Bravo!
 Oh, and it should read: "Work Intelligently."
laughoutloud-club:

Wait A Second, Just Think About It
        

            
            

                
                
                    Club, Ron Swanson, and Shit: Wait a second. What exactly is the message being
 conveyed here? Feel free to sabotage the product
 for the sake of making your own job easier?
 This worker just removed 47.64% of the material
 from the object he was assigned to transport! If
 one of his co-workers removed 47.64% of his cube
 to simply make a smaller cube, he'd move faster,
 too. And probably get fired for it.
 If the worker is going to carve up his cube, why not
 carve a cylinder? It'd be just as mobile as a sphere,
 but he'd only have to remove 21.46% of the mate-
 rial. And it would require less work to carve.
 While we're on the subject, though, how quickly
 did this worker carve a sphere out of a cube? Evi
 dently he didn't lose much headway. And he did it
 with that little pen-knife? Seriously? Do you know
 how difficult it is to carve a perfect sphere from a
 cube? That's some Ron Swanson shit right there.
 If the ultimate goal was to deliver a whole cube,
 then the worker has already failed. If the goal was
 to deliver as much of the material as quickly as
 possible, then he should have cut 4 edges off the
 cube [removing only 17.16%). An octagonal prism
 rolls just fine, with less material and time wasted.
 Don't Work Hard.
 Work Intelligent.
 But, for all we know, when the workers arrive at
 their destination, they may be required to stack
 the objects. In this case, our so-called intelligent
 worker has delivered an object that won't stack.
 Bravo, intelligent worker! Bravo!
 Oh, and it should read: "Work Intelligently."
laughoutloud-club:

Wait A Second, Just Think About It
                    
                
            

            
            
        

    

    

        
Save

    



        

    

    
    
    

        

            



        

    

    
    
    

        

            



        

    

    
    
    

        

            
            

    

        

    



        

    

    
    

        

            




    

        
        
        
        
        
        
        
    

    

        Dank, Memes, and Ron Swanson: Wait a second. What exactly is the message being
 conveyed here? Feel free to sabotage the product
 for the sake of making your own job easier?
 This worker just removed 47.64% of the material
 from the object he was assigned to transport! If
 one of his co-workers removed 47.64% of his cube
 to simply make a smaller cube, he'd move faster,
 too. And probably get fired for it.
 If the worker is going to carve up his cube, why not
 carve a cylinder? It'd be just as mobile as a sphere,
 but he'd only have to remove 21.46% of the mate-
 rial. And it would require less work to carve.
 While we're on the subject, though, how quickly
 did this worker carve a sphere out of a cube? Evi
 dently he didn't lose much headway. And he did it
 with that little pen-knife? Seriously? Do you know
 how difficult it is to carve a perfect sphere from a
 cube? That's some Ron Swanson shit right there.
 If the ultimate goal was to deliver a whole cube,
 then the worker has already failed. If the goal was
 to deliver as much of the material as quickly as
 possible, then he should have cut 4 edges off the
 cube [removing only 17.16%]. An octagonal prism
 rolls just fine, with less material and time wasted.
 Don't Work Hard.
 Work Intelligent.
 But, for all we know, when the workers arrive at
 their destination, they may be required to stack
 the objects. In this case, our so-called intelligent
 worker has delivered an object that won't stack.
 Bravo, intelligent worker! Bravo!
 Oh, and it should read:"work intelligently."
meirl by Alarid
FOLLOW HERE 4 MORE MEMES.
        

            
            

                
                
                    Dank, Memes, and Ron Swanson: Wait a second. What exactly is the message being
 conveyed here? Feel free to sabotage the product
 for the sake of making your own job easier?
 This worker just removed 47.64% of the material
 from the object he was assigned to transport! If
 one of his co-workers removed 47.64% of his cube
 to simply make a smaller cube, he'd move faster,
 too. And probably get fired for it.
 If the worker is going to carve up his cube, why not
 carve a cylinder? It'd be just as mobile as a sphere,
 but he'd only have to remove 21.46% of the mate-
 rial. And it would require less work to carve.
 While we're on the subject, though, how quickly
 did this worker carve a sphere out of a cube? Evi
 dently he didn't lose much headway. And he did it
 with that little pen-knife? Seriously? Do you know
 how difficult it is to carve a perfect sphere from a
 cube? That's some Ron Swanson shit right there.
 If the ultimate goal was to deliver a whole cube,
 then the worker has already failed. If the goal was
 to deliver as much of the material as quickly as
 possible, then he should have cut 4 edges off the
 cube [removing only 17.16%]. An octagonal prism
 rolls just fine, with less material and time wasted.
 Don't Work Hard.
 Work Intelligent.
 But, for all we know, when the workers arrive at
 their destination, they may be required to stack
 the objects. In this case, our so-called intelligent
 worker has delivered an object that won't stack.
 Bravo, intelligent worker! Bravo!
 Oh, and it should read:"work intelligently."
meirl by Alarid
FOLLOW HERE 4 MORE MEMES.
                    
                
            

            
            
        

    

    

        
Save

    



        

    

    
    
    

        

            




    

        
        
        
        
        
        
        
    

    

        Ron Swanson, Shit, and Work: Wait a second. What exactly is the message being
 conveyed here? Feel free to sabotage the product
 for the sake of making your own job easier?
 This worker just removed 47.64% of the material
 from the object he was assigned to transport! If
 one of his co-workers removed 47.64% of his cube
 to simply make a smaller cube, he'd move faster,
 too. And probably get fired for it.
 If the worker is going to carve up his cube, why not
 carve a cylinder? It'd be just as mobile as a sphere,
 but he'd only have to remove 21.46% of the mate-
 rial. And it would require less work to carve.
 While we're on the subject, though, how quickly
 did this worker carve a sphere out of a cube? Evi
 dently he didn't lose much headway. And he did it
 with that little pen-knife? Seriously? Do you know
 how difficult it is to carve a perfect sphere from a
 cube? That's some Ron Swanson shit right there.
 If the ultimate goal was to deliver a whole cube,
 then the worker has already failed. If the goal was
 to deliver as much of the material as quickly as
 possible, then he should have cut 4 edges off the
 cube [removing only 17.16%]. An octagonal prism
 rolls just fine, with less material and time wasted.
 Don't Work Hard.
 Work Intelligent.
 But, for all we know, when the workers arrive at
 their destination, they may be required to stack
 the objects. In this case, our so-called intelligent
 worker has delivered an object that won't stack.
 Bravo, intelligent worker! Bravo!
 Oh, and it should read:"work intelligently."
meirl
        

            
            

                
                
                    Ron Swanson, Shit, and Work: Wait a second. What exactly is the message being
 conveyed here? Feel free to sabotage the product
 for the sake of making your own job easier?
 This worker just removed 47.64% of the material
 from the object he was assigned to transport! If
 one of his co-workers removed 47.64% of his cube
 to simply make a smaller cube, he'd move faster,
 too. And probably get fired for it.
 If the worker is going to carve up his cube, why not
 carve a cylinder? It'd be just as mobile as a sphere,
 but he'd only have to remove 21.46% of the mate-
 rial. And it would require less work to carve.
 While we're on the subject, though, how quickly
 did this worker carve a sphere out of a cube? Evi
 dently he didn't lose much headway. And he did it
 with that little pen-knife? Seriously? Do you know
 how difficult it is to carve a perfect sphere from a
 cube? That's some Ron Swanson shit right there.
 If the ultimate goal was to deliver a whole cube,
 then the worker has already failed. If the goal was
 to deliver as much of the material as quickly as
 possible, then he should have cut 4 edges off the
 cube [removing only 17.16%]. An octagonal prism
 rolls just fine, with less material and time wasted.
 Don't Work Hard.
 Work Intelligent.
 But, for all we know, when the workers arrive at
 their destination, they may be required to stack
 the objects. In this case, our so-called intelligent
 worker has delivered an object that won't stack.
 Bravo, intelligent worker! Bravo!
 Oh, and it should read:"work intelligently."
meirl
                    
                
            

            
            
        

    

    

        
Save

    



        

    

    
    
    

        

            




    

        
        
        
        
        
        
        
    

    

        Ron Swanson, Shit, and Work: Wait a second. What exactly is the message being
 conveyed here? Feel free to sabotage the product
 for the sake of making your own job easier?
 This worker just removed 47.64% of the material
 from the object he was assigned to transport! If
 one of his co-workers removed 47.64% of his cube
 to simply make a smaller cube, he'd move faster,
 too. And probably get fired for it.
 If the worker is going to carve up his cube, why not
 carve a cylinder? It'd be just as mobile as a sphere,
 but he'd only have to remove 21.46% of the mate-
 rial. And it would require less work to carve.
 While we're on the subject, though, how quickly
 did this worker carve a sphere out of a cube? Evi
 dently he didn't lose much headway. And he did it
 with that little pen-knife? Seriously? Do you know
 how difficult it is to carve a perfect sphere from a
 cube? That's some Ron Swanson shit right there.
 If the ultimate goal was to deliver a whole cube,
 then the worker has already failed. If the goal was
 to deliver as much of the material as quickly as
 possible, then he should have cut 4 edges off the
 cube [removing only 17.16%]. An octagonal prism
 rolls just fine, with less material and time wasted.
 Don't Work Hard.
 Work Intelligent.
 But, for all we know, when the workers arrive at
 their destination, they may be required to stack
 the objects. In this case, our so-called intelligent
 worker has delivered an object that won't stack.
 Bravo, intelligent worker! Bravo!
 Oh, and it should read:"work intelligently."
meirl
        

            
            

                
                
                    Ron Swanson, Shit, and Work: Wait a second. What exactly is the message being
 conveyed here? Feel free to sabotage the product
 for the sake of making your own job easier?
 This worker just removed 47.64% of the material
 from the object he was assigned to transport! If
 one of his co-workers removed 47.64% of his cube
 to simply make a smaller cube, he'd move faster,
 too. And probably get fired for it.
 If the worker is going to carve up his cube, why not
 carve a cylinder? It'd be just as mobile as a sphere,
 but he'd only have to remove 21.46% of the mate-
 rial. And it would require less work to carve.
 While we're on the subject, though, how quickly
 did this worker carve a sphere out of a cube? Evi
 dently he didn't lose much headway. And he did it
 with that little pen-knife? Seriously? Do you know
 how difficult it is to carve a perfect sphere from a
 cube? That's some Ron Swanson shit right there.
 If the ultimate goal was to deliver a whole cube,
 then the worker has already failed. If the goal was
 to deliver as much of the material as quickly as
 possible, then he should have cut 4 edges off the
 cube [removing only 17.16%]. An octagonal prism
 rolls just fine, with less material and time wasted.
 Don't Work Hard.
 Work Intelligent.
 But, for all we know, when the workers arrive at
 their destination, they may be required to stack
 the objects. In this case, our so-called intelligent
 worker has delivered an object that won't stack.
 Bravo, intelligent worker! Bravo!
 Oh, and it should read:"work intelligently."
meirl
                    
                
            

            
            
        

    

    

        
Save

    



        

    

    
    
    

        

            



        

    

    
    
    

        

            




    

        
        
        
        
        
        
        
    

    

        Christmas, Dude, and Goals: angryvoiddetective:
bunjywunjy:

karn-libated:

saunter-vaguely-into-a-bookshop:

iamemeraldfox:


simonalkenmayer:

build-a-diy:

8-foot giant squid pillow.
You’ll need:
2 yards of felt
1 yard of patterned fabric (I suggest a polka dot-type pattern so it looks like suction cups)
1 medium piece of black felt, 1 medium piece of white felt (for the eyes)
white thread, black thread and thread of the same color as the felt you’re using
pins
about 5 lbs. of stuffing
a couple big sheets of paper to draw your pattern
First, you need to draw out your patterns. Here’s a basic template to get you started, although most of the measurements are reasonably fudgeable. If in the likely event you don’t have any four-foot-long pieces of paper lying around, just tape a few pieces together.
Once you’ve drawn out your eight patterns, it’s time to cut the fabric. Pin the pattern to the fabric, laid flat, and cut out the following, leaving a half an inch or so of extra fabric around the edge of the pattern:
FOR THE ARMS: 8 felt and 8 fabric cutouts of piece 1
FOR THE, UH, LONGER ARMS: 2 felt and 2 fabric cutouts of piece 2
FOR THE BODY: 2 felt cutouts of piece 3
FOR THE FIN: 4 felt cutouts of piece 4
FOR THE HEAD: 1 felt cutouts of piece 6
FOR THE EYES: 2 white felt cutouts of piece 7 and 2 black felt cutouts of piece 8
So now you’ve got all your pieces ready, it’s time to start sewing them together. I did mine by hand because my sewing machine is busted and I get a kind of Zen buzz from sewing by hand, but if you have a non-busted one I recommend that you use it as it will be MUCH EASIER. You’re going to be sewing everything with the nice side of the fabric facing in, then turning it inside out to stuff it.
THE ARMS: (To make a quilted pattern that looks like suckers, see this other post). Pin together one patterned fabric piece 1 and one felt piece 1 (with the nice sides facing the inside). Sew down around the U-shape and back up, leaving the top open. Then turn the arm inside out, stuff it (it’s easiest to do both of these things if you sort of scrunch it up like you’re trying to put on a pair of tights, excuse the non-dude-friendly reference) and sew the top closed. Do the same for the other seven arms and rejoice in the fact that this is the most tedious part. Same deal with the two long arms, they’re just harder to stuff.
THE FINS: Pin together two of your piece 4s and sew together the curvy outer edge. Turn the piece inside out, so the seam you just sewed is on the inside, and start sewing up the other side, stuffing gradually as you go along. You should end up with a triangle-ish puffy thing. Repeat for the other two piece 4s.
THE BODY: Put down one piece 3, then place the two fins you have down with the point up and the curvy side pointing in, then make a sandwich by putting the other piece 3 down on top. Pin it all together and sew around the edges with the two fins still inside, as shown. Turn it inside out and move on to…

THE HEAD: So take piece 6 and the ten arms you’ve already done. Lay the arms, fabric side facing you, out with the arms’ top seams in a line half an inch from the top of piece 6. The order should be arm arm arm arm BIG ARM arm arm arm arm BIG ARM. The legs should be almost entirely covering piece 6. Pin them in place and sew a straight line through the individual legs seams to attach the legs to piece 6.
When you pick up the other side of piece 6, you now have something resembling a really weird untied hula skirt. Sew together the two 9-inch ends of piece 6 with the fabric side of the arms on the outside, and keep it inside out for the moment.
PUTTING IT ALL TOGETHER: Fit the open end of the body through the arms (still fabric side facing out) and pull the edge all the way through the felt cylinder so it’s even with the edge that DOESN’T have arms attached to it. Sew around the diameters of the head cylinder and the body cylinder to attach them, then pull the legs down over the head and you’re almost done!
Stuff the body, then seal it off by sewing piece 5 over the open end (even if you do have a functional sewing machine, you’ll probably have to do this part by hand).
THE EYES: Sew the black circles on the white circles and whipstitch the eyes onto the head. You do this last because you can’t tell where they’re going to end up on the end product if you put them on before stuffing the body.

Oh my!


The only plushie I’d allow on my couch. Goals tbh


I adore this


@bunjywunjy this seems like your kind of squid

a friend of mine has one of these in red and green plaid and we called him Christmas Squid and used him instead of a tree

@ceriseal

        

            
            

                
                
                    Christmas, Dude, and Goals: angryvoiddetective:
bunjywunjy:

karn-libated:

saunter-vaguely-into-a-bookshop:

iamemeraldfox:


simonalkenmayer:

build-a-diy:

8-foot giant squid pillow.
You’ll need:
2 yards of felt
1 yard of patterned fabric (I suggest a polka dot-type pattern so it looks like suction cups)
1 medium piece of black felt, 1 medium piece of white felt (for the eyes)
white thread, black thread and thread of the same color as the felt you’re using
pins
about 5 lbs. of stuffing
a couple big sheets of paper to draw your pattern
First, you need to draw out your patterns. Here’s a basic template to get you started, although most of the measurements are reasonably fudgeable. If in the likely event you don’t have any four-foot-long pieces of paper lying around, just tape a few pieces together.
Once you’ve drawn out your eight patterns, it’s time to cut the fabric. Pin the pattern to the fabric, laid flat, and cut out the following, leaving a half an inch or so of extra fabric around the edge of the pattern:
FOR THE ARMS: 8 felt and 8 fabric cutouts of piece 1
FOR THE, UH, LONGER ARMS: 2 felt and 2 fabric cutouts of piece 2
FOR THE BODY: 2 felt cutouts of piece 3
FOR THE FIN: 4 felt cutouts of piece 4
FOR THE HEAD: 1 felt cutouts of piece 6
FOR THE EYES: 2 white felt cutouts of piece 7 and 2 black felt cutouts of piece 8
So now you’ve got all your pieces ready, it’s time to start sewing them together. I did mine by hand because my sewing machine is busted and I get a kind of Zen buzz from sewing by hand, but if you have a non-busted one I recommend that you use it as it will be MUCH EASIER. You’re going to be sewing everything with the nice side of the fabric facing in, then turning it inside out to stuff it.
THE ARMS: (To make a quilted pattern that looks like suckers, see this other post). Pin together one patterned fabric piece 1 and one felt piece 1 (with the nice sides facing the inside). Sew down around the U-shape and back up, leaving the top open. Then turn the arm inside out, stuff it (it’s easiest to do both of these things if you sort of scrunch it up like you’re trying to put on a pair of tights, excuse the non-dude-friendly reference) and sew the top closed. Do the same for the other seven arms and rejoice in the fact that this is the most tedious part. Same deal with the two long arms, they’re just harder to stuff.
THE FINS: Pin together two of your piece 4s and sew together the curvy outer edge. Turn the piece inside out, so the seam you just sewed is on the inside, and start sewing up the other side, stuffing gradually as you go along. You should end up with a triangle-ish puffy thing. Repeat for the other two piece 4s.
THE BODY: Put down one piece 3, then place the two fins you have down with the point up and the curvy side pointing in, then make a sandwich by putting the other piece 3 down on top. Pin it all together and sew around the edges with the two fins still inside, as shown. Turn it inside out and move on to…

THE HEAD: So take piece 6 and the ten arms you’ve already done. Lay the arms, fabric side facing you, out with the arms’ top seams in a line half an inch from the top of piece 6. The order should be arm arm arm arm BIG ARM arm arm arm arm BIG ARM. The legs should be almost entirely covering piece 6. Pin them in place and sew a straight line through the individual legs seams to attach the legs to piece 6.
When you pick up the other side of piece 6, you now have something resembling a really weird untied hula skirt. Sew together the two 9-inch ends of piece 6 with the fabric side of the arms on the outside, and keep it inside out for the moment.
PUTTING IT ALL TOGETHER: Fit the open end of the body through the arms (still fabric side facing out) and pull the edge all the way through the felt cylinder so it’s even with the edge that DOESN’T have arms attached to it. Sew around the diameters of the head cylinder and the body cylinder to attach them, then pull the legs down over the head and you’re almost done!
Stuff the body, then seal it off by sewing piece 5 over the open end (even if you do have a functional sewing machine, you’ll probably have to do this part by hand).
THE EYES: Sew the black circles on the white circles and whipstitch the eyes onto the head. You do this last because you can’t tell where they’re going to end up on the end product if you put them on before stuffing the body.

Oh my!


The only plushie I’d allow on my couch. Goals tbh


I adore this


@bunjywunjy this seems like your kind of squid

a friend of mine has one of these in red and green plaid and we called him Christmas Squid and used him instead of a tree

@ceriseal

                    
                
            

            
                
                
angryvoiddetective:
bunjywunjy:

karn-libated:

saunter-vaguely-into-a-bookshop:

iamemeraldfox:


simonalkenmayer:

build-a-diy:

8-foot gi...

                
            
            
        

    

    

        
Save

    



        

    

    
    
    

        

            




    

        
        
        
        
        
        
        
    

    

        Apparently, Ass, and Bad: bibliotecaria-d:
ebonykain:

karacat:

othersideofforty:

erinnightwalker:

ripped-up-jeans-and-glitter:

erinnightwalker:


acaffeinejunkie:

erinnightwalker:

erinnightwalker:

geostatonary:

sixpenceee:

“A house I pass on the way to work has this sculpture in its yard. Its about 8 feet tall.”
(Source)

“HELLO NEIGHBOR STEVE, I WOULD LIKE TO INVITE YOU TO BARBEQUE ON THE EVE OF THE BLOOD MOON.  I FEEL WE GOT OFF TO A BAD START.”
“NEIGHBOR STEVE, DO YOU NOT WISH TO PARTAKE OF THE UNCLEAN FLESH-MEATS OF PIGS AND THE POLLUTED ESSENCES OF TOMATO?  PERHAPS YOU ARE A CAROLINA STYLE MAN, NEIGHBOR STEVE?”
 “PUT THE GUN AWAY NEIGHBOR STEVE, YOU KNOW I SHALL ONLY RISE AGAIN WITH THE DAWNING OF THE MOON.  WE HAVE BEEN THROUGH THIS MANY TIMES.”
“LOOK AT THIS PICTURE MY SON DREW OF YOU AND CHILD TIMMY, YOUR SON.  ARE THEY NOT THE PICTURE OF PACT-MATES?  THIS COULD BE YOU AND ME, NEIGHBOR STEVE.”
“YOU MISSED THE UNHOLY NEXUS OF POWER THAT IS THE KEY TO MY CORPOREAL FORM, NEIGHBOR STEVE.  YOU WILL NEED TO RELOAD NOW, SO I WILL GO INSIDE TO MY HELL-WIFE AND PUT YOU DOWN AS A SOLID ‘MAYBE’.“

I have the feeling that the families get along great except for Steve. Like, the wives are baking (questionable) brownies together, the kids are playing together, Antler Guy occasionally takes Son and Timmy to school (no car, just carries them in huge swinging strides through a nexus of ungoldly sights in a swirling netherworld shortcut. Sometimes they stop for McDonalds). Hell-wife gave them a potted Audrey Jr., Steve’s wife (who I now christen Sharon) gave them a begonia.
One time Steve tries throwing holy water but all Antler Guy does is thank him, saying that no, Antler Guy isn’t Catholic but it’s the thought that counts, he is so kind to water his creeping deathshade vines regardless.
For Christmas Antler Guy gives Steve a case of ammunition. To be funny/sarcastically mean Steve gets Antler Guy the world’s most hideous Christmas sweater, singing light-up reindeer included. He immediately regrets it because not only does Antler Guy love it and wears it for several months, it will never need batteries because Antler Guy powers it with his own eldritch aura.
When they come back from a holiday to Hawaii, Steve is horrified to find out Sharon bought them matching Hawaiian shirts. He is even more horrified that his wife means it that if he doesn’t wear it he will forever sleep on the couch.

I want to expand on this, since I see it’s still passing around and the ideas have grown in my brainmeats.
What drives Steve up the wall and down the other side is how… normal… everyone treats the Abominations. (Yes, that is their last name. No, it is not a joke. Son was asked his last name for the standardized testing at school, had a quick conference with Timmy, and decided that Son Abomination sounded good, “Since my dad calls your dad the Abomination anyway and we can paint it on your mailbox just like the Henderson’s did theirs!”. Antler Guy agreed and did a lovely rendition of it for the mailbox, with only a few glyphs of soul-rending terror added to keep up to snuff.)
The Great Plant Exchange went beautifully, though the Audrey Jr. (named Aubergine for the lovely shade of purple poison that drips from her fangs) is on a diet at the moment. She was in cahoots with the cat and the dog to get into the good people food and ate two frozen turkeys all herself. Now she’s restricted to the hallway table to answer the phone and the door. (Steve actually likes her, and keeps slipping her hotdogs when Sharon isn’t looking. Their door-to-door salesman rates have dropped dramatically since she changed abodes.) Hell-wife has almost gotten the begonia to bloom and say it’s first words.
The homeowner’s association just loves the Abominations. All paperwork stamped and dotted, in on time and in triplicate. Antler Guy likes filing, says it reminds him of his old job. There is a resident who spent 20 years as a lawyer and they have long, animated conversations about all sorts of things that make Steve swear to never need legal counsel.
Hell-wife joined the PTA and spearheaded a committee to fundraise in the fall with a haunted house. It was a county-wide hit, though the claims that a particularly rowdy group had been deliberately lost in a timeslip to the Outer Doors Of Chaos was firmly rebuffed. Most young people nowadays, it was agreed, just couldn’t appreciate flute music.
Antler Guy really does try to connect with Steve. The surprise birthday party was perhaps a bit much, given that most participants do not have the ability to suddenly materialize in front of the guest of honor to give them a hug. Sharon assured them that Steve normally screams on his birthday, and the remains of the cake were heartily enjoyed by all. (A plate was saved for Steve once he came down from the treehouse.)
After the Hawaii trip (which was a present for his birthday) and the Matching Shirt Ultimatum (which was Sharon’s attempt at patching things up with Antler Guy, he really was sad about the birthday screaming), Steve finally grabs his courage in both hands (plus the shotgun, which let’s face it is about as useful as a teddybear at the moment but it does comfort him) and confronts Antler Guy, about why such a group of……Abominations could possibly come to his quiet slice of suburban bliss.
“……BUT NEIGHBOR STEVE, WE HAVE ALWAYS BEEN HERE.”
“No no no, I read it in a book! Don’t you have to be invited or something?!”
“WELL YES, TO THE HUMAN WORLD. BUT THIS IS NOT THE HUMAN WORLD AS YOUR THREE-DIMENSIONAL BRAIN PERCEIVES IT.”
“What the hell does that mean?!!”
“DID YOU NOT KNOW, NEIGHBOR STEVE? LEGALLY SPEAKING, ALL OF THE VASTNESS OF HUMAN SUBURBIA IS, IN FACT, A PART OF HELL.”
“……..”
“THE FLAMINGOES ARE THE BOUNDARY MARKERS. IT WAS DECIDED THAT THE FLAMING SKULLS WERE TOO KITSCHY FOR MODERN TIMES.”

Reblogging cause I kind of want more of this….


Since you asked nicely ^_^
Antler Guy, as one may have noticed, is a calm sort of fellow. In the face of human atrocities he displays a curious Zen sort of state of mind. Timmy asks Son if he’d ever seen his dad angry, and Son hasn’t. (When asked, Timmy says that yeah his dad gets mad, but it’s like the Fitz-Simmon’s chihuahua down the street- mostly high-pitched noise and occasionally TV remote chewing. Sharon replaces the poor thing every 3 months or so.) When pressed (gently, at the monthly book club, and with many cups of tea and at least one daiquiri), Hellwife admits that this comes from serving many years at his old job.
After the revelation of the nature of his neighborhood, Steve has not been overtly mean to Antler Guy. Not yet in the realm of friends, but vastly better than before. No more holy water, no more shotgun blasts. (Still the occasional jumpscare, but Antler Guy really can’t help that part.) They even occasionally share news over the fence as Antler Guy trains the creeping deathshade vines in proper oral hygiene, and Steve waters his lawn (and occasionally slips a goldfish cracker to a deathshade vine that looks particularly adorable. Aubergine has trained him well.)
Which is how Antler Guy learns about the peeping tom that’s been plaguing the adjacent streets. Apparently the pervert has been getting bolder, and rattling doors. He almost broke into one apartment, whose occupants were a single mother and her daughter, Mildred. Millie, a shy girl who is a great horror fan and firm friends with Timmy and Son, had missed school because of it.
Steve knew because Sharon had told him, on her way to deliver a tuna casserole and a double batch of brownies to the pair. (Sharon has been dubbed the unoffical mob boss of the Mother’s Mafia. She is quite pleased with this title.) He tells her to wait, confers briefly with Aubergine, and sends her along with, “Only as a loan, you know, but Auby wants to stretch her roots and she’d probably like getting all ribboned and curled anyway. Little girls still do that, right?” She has strict orders to bite anyone that makes Millie or her mother cry. (Steve is dubbed the official neighborhood marshmallow for this. The bookclub buys him a jar of marshmallow fluff in commemoration.)
He turns to look at Antler Guy, and freezes, much as a chihuahua will when faced with a hungry hellhound.
“You….you alright there buddy?”



“Ň̵̴̫̫̙͙̻̞͈̫̥̪̱͈͈̯̍̀̀͆ͫ̒̿̄͗͘͡͝ͅO̊͑̑͒̎͑̃ͬͭͮ̅̔̆̃̉ͯ̇͗̀҉̵̻̜̞͉̟͙͚̻̪̼̖̀͟ͅ.̵͈̣͈̙̣̜̻̭̩̝̠̞͗ͤͥ̓͗ͬ̓̄͊̓̅̐ͩͮͧͤ̽̐ “

“Uh, yeah, I guess not. Did you, uh, know you’re kinda fuzzing at the edges, there?”



“Ň̵̴̫̫̙͙̻̞͈̫̥̪̱͈͈̯̍̀̀͆ͫ̒̿̄͗͘͡͝ͅO̊͑̑͒̎͑̃ͬͭͮ̅̔̆̃̉ͯ̇͗̀҉̵̻̜̞͉̟͙͚̻̪̼̖̀͟ͅ.̵͈̣͈̙̣̜̻̭̩̝̠̞͗ͤͥ̓͗ͬ̓̄͊̓̅̐ͩͮͧͤ̽̐ “

“Right. Um. Well.” 
Steven makes a very ungraceful exit when space starts bending around Antler Guy’s still, unmoving form.
When Steve sees a shadowy form in his back yard when he gets up to pee that night, there’s no hesitation. He grabs the shotgun from the cabinet and peeks out the back door window.
Just in time to see a nebulous form of soul-wrenching terror engulf the man reaching for the door handle. A sliver of moonlight reveals a very familiar eyesocket. After a moment (and a sincere prayer of thanks that he had already peed, cause otherwise he’d have done it then and there) Steve opens the door. The nebulous form freezes, reality bending around the edges.
“Nice night for it, huh?”


“…..Y̮̮͍͔͇͙͙̟̐͌͛̓̏͞͡Eͩͭͮ̓̍ͯ̀ͧ͏̵̴̛̺̠̱͕̕ͅS͈̹̮̟̳̪̩̘͍̤̲̻͈̱̳̽̋́ͩ̃͋̎ͩ̈͆̀͘͢͢͟ͅ.̧̢͈̭̝̥̦͚͍̇ͫ̃̓͆̿̇ͪ͊ͧ̃͛͌͜͢

“

“Guy won’t scare anymore litttle girls, will he?”



“Ň̵̴̫̫̙͙̻̞͈̫̥̪̱͈͈̯̍̀̀͆ͫ̒̿̄͗͘͡͝ͅO̊͑̑͒̎͑̃ͬͭͮ̅̔̆̃̉ͯ̇͗̀҉̵̻̜̞͉̟͙͚̻̪̼̖̀͟ͅ.̵͈̣͈̙̣̜̻̭̩̝̠̞͗ͤͥ̓͗ͬ̓̄͊̓̅̐ͩͮͧͤ̽̐ “

“Good. G’night then. Oh, and if Hellwife has an extra Audrey Jr. that needs a home, let me know. Millie likes Aubergine a lot but Augy’s just too big for the apartment. Dunno if they come in miniatures though.”


“
I̴̛̟̭͉̮̜̩̬̮̣̘̰͚̩͙̟̳͔̜̙͑̂̆̆͗͒̀ 
͖̖̰͉̥͖͔̙̤̺͍̳͈̹͙̣̞̇̇ͤ͒̅̈́͆̽ͧ́̚̚̕͘W̶̶̱͈̞͖̼̟̣̮̌͂͒̈́͑͌͒͋̍ͮ͗̈ͣ̓ͤ͘͟I̴̶̞̥̩͇̔ͩͦ̇̉̾ͣͬ̀̀̒͒ͧ͛͌͛͆̚͘͢ͅͅL̠̟͕̠̟̪̰̻ͯ͂͊ͥ̍̏͋̐ͬ̉̆̈̀͠L̸̞̭͔̮ͦ͑̉ͮͩ́ͬͨͣ͘͜.̴͈͎̮͇͓͖̱̻̣͊͊ͤͩ͊̑͗͞
 
̸̡̩̖̞̩̻̩̪̭͙̳͚͇̟̺͖̑͊ͫ̀͆ͨ̉̔̓̂̓̋T̷̷̟͉̟̻̻̪̞̰̯̻͈̣̰̬̻̾͐́ͭ̓̅́͡H͇̬̪̩̬̝̣͍͈͇ͯ͛̏͌ͮͧͭͦ͟͜A̴̴̤͕͈̤̮̞̱̯͔͕̙͔͖̰̬̰͈̠ͥ̏ͥ̍̽ͧ̀͝N͗̓͋̃̈̑̀̅ͣ̽̒̂̄ͯͩͤ͏̢͢͏͈̯͎̪͇̟̠͔̯͓͓̰̠̱̠̳͕̳͝K̢̓ͧ͛͛ͣ̄̓̓ͯ̍̈̈́̌͂̔͟҉̛̘̥̖̤̦̻̳͙͟
 
̢̢̻̥̹̣̞͉̘͇͚͍̖̯̘͚͔̗̩͓͐ͮ͂͂̀̚͘͠Y̜̞͇̳̗̬͎̰̙̜̩̪͎̞̙̠̔͂̌̃́̀O͇̺̲͙͍̬̳̘͈̱̜̝͔̖̊ͥ̿ͫͤͫͫͩ͋̓̃ͦ̈̄͢͟Ū̢͖̲̦̠̤͎̙͉̦͖̖͓͍̺̺ͪͯ͐͆͆ͭͯ͗ͦ̄̅̌̈̃̾ͭ̋ͧ͢͢͠͡.̶̸̞͓̞̹̗̻̣͈͕̠̬̦ͫ̆ͤͬͨͦ͒͂ͨ̿ͩͪ͘͞.ͧ͛̒̂̂͗ͨ̌͆ͥͭ͒̉͘͜͏̙͖̰̝̙̲͓̙͕͍̥̳̩́͠.̶̷̮͎̱̼̬͖̰͎͚͙̥̓͋͋ͦ̓̓ͯ͆͛̏ͫ̅ͯ.̨̧̙̤̳̮̺̙͖̞͔̗͎͍̑̆ͮ͐ͩͦ̌̽̾̏͘͠.̹̖͕̮͕̞̰͍͚͖̌ͪ̃̐̐̌̌̅̉͑ͧͪͪͬ̓͐́͛̿͘͞ ….NEIGHBOR STEVE.”

“Anytime.”
There are no more peeping reports. Millie brings back Aubergine and spends an entire afternoon teaching Steve the particulars of Augy’s new “hairstyle” (a gravity-defying mass of teased tendrils, ribbons, and barrettes) in between games of tag and hide-and-seek with Timmy and Son.
When Antler Guy and Hellwife present her and her mother Beatrice with a tiny Audrey Jr. (”pOOr ThinG Is a ruNT And wOn’T geT MorE Than A FooT taLL, BEa, aNd NeeDS a New FRiEnD”, assures Hellwife), both mother and child burst out crying. Millie names it Bella, after Bella Lugosi, and shows it to the excited group of boys (Steve and Augy included).


IT GOT SO MUCH BETTER!!!!

Life in a subdivision partly populated with eldritch and possibly magical (officially classified as “extra-dimensional”, for even when faced with the physics-defying nature of their new co-habitating citizens the government cannot bring itself to acknowledge them as “magic wielding hell-beasts”, as some high-ranking staff members initially suggested) goes on fairly normally. 
Sure, there are a few hiccoughs. The creeping deathshade vines get a stern talking to about appropriate afternoon snacks (”NOT the Fitz-Simmon’s chihuahua, I don’t care how much he has it coming or what he excreted where, now spit it out!”), Aubergine sheds all her leaves at once and snowballs the house (but does helps sweep up afterwards), and moonrise is a good time to watch the night-gaunts fly by (but on moondark it’s best to stay inside, no matter how prettily they glow. They’re somewhat similar to fireflies, and don’t always check to see if their partner glows as well. It wouldn’t be as much of a problem if they didn’t dive mid-coitus and drop just above the ground.)
While the neighborhood in general is accepting of the Abominations, when things get to be a bit much they tend to come to Steve. Since meeting Beatrice and Millie (and the formation of the Terrifying Triad known as Millie, Son, and Timmy) Steve is the adult human male most comfortable dealing with Antler Guy on the whole street. (Sharon as U.M.B. is widely held to have, well, steel-whatever-the-hell-she-wants, and Timmy is known to run over to Antler Guy and ask for rides through “that wobbly grey place, you know, the one with the REALLY BIG alligators?”. Still, the courtesies must be observed.)
So when a writhing sparking ball of snarling terror and teeth takes up residence in the Manzo’s tool-shed, and when Animal Control refuses to come (the street is banned due to a run-in with the deathshade vines), Steve is called. Having heard the description, Steve brings Antler Guy.
When they get there, Mr. Manzo is forcibly holding the door shut. Unholy yowling is coming from inside. At a gesture from Antler Guy, Mr. Manzo leaps away, and the doors blast open.
A 150 pound ball of whimpering, flaming something hits Steve and knocks him on his ass. The whimpering, flaming something proceeds to slobber all over Steve, his shirt, his pants, and a decent portion of grass in between distressed yelps.
“GACK!”
“NEIGHBOR STEVE, ARE YOU IN DISTRESS?”
“GAAACKLEARGHSPLUH- DOWN boy, HEEL, that’s a good- Antler Guy, what is this?!”
“I BELIEVE IT IS A HELLHOUND, NEIGHBOR STEVE.”
“Good grief, I didn’t know they came this big and…..and….. Guy?”
“YES NEIGHBOR STEVE?”
“Is he supposed to be…..skinless?”
“YES NEIGHBOR STEVE. THIS VARIETY WAS BRED TO BE LAP DOGS. THEIR FLAME IS MOSTLY WITHOUT HEAT, AND THEY HAVE NO SKIN FOR THOSE WHO ARE ALLERGIC.”
“…….laPDOG?!”
“YES NEIGHBOR STEVE.” Antler Guy lays a hand on the hellhound, who tries to burrow further into Steve with little success. “HE APPEARS TO HAVE BEEN RECENTLY WEANED. IT WILL TAKE TIME FOR HIM TO GROW TO HIS FULL SIZE.”
“……”
“THE SMALL BREEDS GROW MORE SLOWLY.”
A vile hissing emanates from the shed. (Mr. Manzo has long since fled for the safety of his kitchen.) As Steve attempts to calm the frantic hell-puppy, Antler Guy investigates. He reaches one long hand in behind the riding lawnmower and….. winces.
“NEIGHBOR STEVE?”
“Yeah- I’m right here, uh, doggie, not going anywhere- Guy?”
“I APPEAR TO HAVE AN…. ATTACHMENT.”
Steve is awed at the tiny ball of white fluff attached to one long, thin finger. He didn’t know that Antler Guy’s fingers COULD be bitten, much less by a tiny kitten.
Which is how Steve and Sharon got Clifford (”Aww c’mon Sharon, how could I pass that one up?”), and Antler Guy and Hellwife get Fluffy (”NEIGHBOR STEVE ASSURES ME IT IS A TRADITIONAL TITLE.”)


This might be the most amazing thing that ever crossed my tumblr dash


OMIGOSH I’m in love.


I LOVE EVERY BIT OF THIS

This is like the stoplight post. It is Tumblr legend, and I feel I must reblog it for those fortunate few who get to experience it for the first time.
        

            
            

                
                
                    Apparently, Ass, and Bad: bibliotecaria-d:
ebonykain:

karacat:

othersideofforty:

erinnightwalker:

ripped-up-jeans-and-glitter:

erinnightwalker:


acaffeinejunkie:

erinnightwalker:

erinnightwalker:

geostatonary:

sixpenceee:

“A house I pass on the way to work has this sculpture in its yard. Its about 8 feet tall.”
(Source)

“HELLO NEIGHBOR STEVE, I WOULD LIKE TO INVITE YOU TO BARBEQUE ON THE EVE OF THE BLOOD MOON.  I FEEL WE GOT OFF TO A BAD START.”
“NEIGHBOR STEVE, DO YOU NOT WISH TO PARTAKE OF THE UNCLEAN FLESH-MEATS OF PIGS AND THE POLLUTED ESSENCES OF TOMATO?  PERHAPS YOU ARE A CAROLINA STYLE MAN, NEIGHBOR STEVE?”
 “PUT THE GUN AWAY NEIGHBOR STEVE, YOU KNOW I SHALL ONLY RISE AGAIN WITH THE DAWNING OF THE MOON.  WE HAVE BEEN THROUGH THIS MANY TIMES.”
“LOOK AT THIS PICTURE MY SON DREW OF YOU AND CHILD TIMMY, YOUR SON.  ARE THEY NOT THE PICTURE OF PACT-MATES?  THIS COULD BE YOU AND ME, NEIGHBOR STEVE.”
“YOU MISSED THE UNHOLY NEXUS OF POWER THAT IS THE KEY TO MY CORPOREAL FORM, NEIGHBOR STEVE.  YOU WILL NEED TO RELOAD NOW, SO I WILL GO INSIDE TO MY HELL-WIFE AND PUT YOU DOWN AS A SOLID ‘MAYBE’.“

I have the feeling that the families get along great except for Steve. Like, the wives are baking (questionable) brownies together, the kids are playing together, Antler Guy occasionally takes Son and Timmy to school (no car, just carries them in huge swinging strides through a nexus of ungoldly sights in a swirling netherworld shortcut. Sometimes they stop for McDonalds). Hell-wife gave them a potted Audrey Jr., Steve’s wife (who I now christen Sharon) gave them a begonia.
One time Steve tries throwing holy water but all Antler Guy does is thank him, saying that no, Antler Guy isn’t Catholic but it’s the thought that counts, he is so kind to water his creeping deathshade vines regardless.
For Christmas Antler Guy gives Steve a case of ammunition. To be funny/sarcastically mean Steve gets Antler Guy the world’s most hideous Christmas sweater, singing light-up reindeer included. He immediately regrets it because not only does Antler Guy love it and wears it for several months, it will never need batteries because Antler Guy powers it with his own eldritch aura.
When they come back from a holiday to Hawaii, Steve is horrified to find out Sharon bought them matching Hawaiian shirts. He is even more horrified that his wife means it that if he doesn’t wear it he will forever sleep on the couch.

I want to expand on this, since I see it’s still passing around and the ideas have grown in my brainmeats.
What drives Steve up the wall and down the other side is how… normal… everyone treats the Abominations. (Yes, that is their last name. No, it is not a joke. Son was asked his last name for the standardized testing at school, had a quick conference with Timmy, and decided that Son Abomination sounded good, “Since my dad calls your dad the Abomination anyway and we can paint it on your mailbox just like the Henderson’s did theirs!”. Antler Guy agreed and did a lovely rendition of it for the mailbox, with only a few glyphs of soul-rending terror added to keep up to snuff.)
The Great Plant Exchange went beautifully, though the Audrey Jr. (named Aubergine for the lovely shade of purple poison that drips from her fangs) is on a diet at the moment. She was in cahoots with the cat and the dog to get into the good people food and ate two frozen turkeys all herself. Now she’s restricted to the hallway table to answer the phone and the door. (Steve actually likes her, and keeps slipping her hotdogs when Sharon isn’t looking. Their door-to-door salesman rates have dropped dramatically since she changed abodes.) Hell-wife has almost gotten the begonia to bloom and say it’s first words.
The homeowner’s association just loves the Abominations. All paperwork stamped and dotted, in on time and in triplicate. Antler Guy likes filing, says it reminds him of his old job. There is a resident who spent 20 years as a lawyer and they have long, animated conversations about all sorts of things that make Steve swear to never need legal counsel.
Hell-wife joined the PTA and spearheaded a committee to fundraise in the fall with a haunted house. It was a county-wide hit, though the claims that a particularly rowdy group had been deliberately lost in a timeslip to the Outer Doors Of Chaos was firmly rebuffed. Most young people nowadays, it was agreed, just couldn’t appreciate flute music.
Antler Guy really does try to connect with Steve. The surprise birthday party was perhaps a bit much, given that most participants do not have the ability to suddenly materialize in front of the guest of honor to give them a hug. Sharon assured them that Steve normally screams on his birthday, and the remains of the cake were heartily enjoyed by all. (A plate was saved for Steve once he came down from the treehouse.)
After the Hawaii trip (which was a present for his birthday) and the Matching Shirt Ultimatum (which was Sharon’s attempt at patching things up with Antler Guy, he really was sad about the birthday screaming), Steve finally grabs his courage in both hands (plus the shotgun, which let’s face it is about as useful as a teddybear at the moment but it does comfort him) and confronts Antler Guy, about why such a group of……Abominations could possibly come to his quiet slice of suburban bliss.
“……BUT NEIGHBOR STEVE, WE HAVE ALWAYS BEEN HERE.”
“No no no, I read it in a book! Don’t you have to be invited or something?!”
“WELL YES, TO THE HUMAN WORLD. BUT THIS IS NOT THE HUMAN WORLD AS YOUR THREE-DIMENSIONAL BRAIN PERCEIVES IT.”
“What the hell does that mean?!!”
“DID YOU NOT KNOW, NEIGHBOR STEVE? LEGALLY SPEAKING, ALL OF THE VASTNESS OF HUMAN SUBURBIA IS, IN FACT, A PART OF HELL.”
“……..”
“THE FLAMINGOES ARE THE BOUNDARY MARKERS. IT WAS DECIDED THAT THE FLAMING SKULLS WERE TOO KITSCHY FOR MODERN TIMES.”

Reblogging cause I kind of want more of this….


Since you asked nicely ^_^
Antler Guy, as one may have noticed, is a calm sort of fellow. In the face of human atrocities he displays a curious Zen sort of state of mind. Timmy asks Son if he’d ever seen his dad angry, and Son hasn’t. (When asked, Timmy says that yeah his dad gets mad, but it’s like the Fitz-Simmon’s chihuahua down the street- mostly high-pitched noise and occasionally TV remote chewing. Sharon replaces the poor thing every 3 months or so.) When pressed (gently, at the monthly book club, and with many cups of tea and at least one daiquiri), Hellwife admits that this comes from serving many years at his old job.
After the revelation of the nature of his neighborhood, Steve has not been overtly mean to Antler Guy. Not yet in the realm of friends, but vastly better than before. No more holy water, no more shotgun blasts. (Still the occasional jumpscare, but Antler Guy really can’t help that part.) They even occasionally share news over the fence as Antler Guy trains the creeping deathshade vines in proper oral hygiene, and Steve waters his lawn (and occasionally slips a goldfish cracker to a deathshade vine that looks particularly adorable. Aubergine has trained him well.)
Which is how Antler Guy learns about the peeping tom that’s been plaguing the adjacent streets. Apparently the pervert has been getting bolder, and rattling doors. He almost broke into one apartment, whose occupants were a single mother and her daughter, Mildred. Millie, a shy girl who is a great horror fan and firm friends with Timmy and Son, had missed school because of it.
Steve knew because Sharon had told him, on her way to deliver a tuna casserole and a double batch of brownies to the pair. (Sharon has been dubbed the unoffical mob boss of the Mother’s Mafia. She is quite pleased with this title.) He tells her to wait, confers briefly with Aubergine, and sends her along with, “Only as a loan, you know, but Auby wants to stretch her roots and she’d probably like getting all ribboned and curled anyway. Little girls still do that, right?” She has strict orders to bite anyone that makes Millie or her mother cry. (Steve is dubbed the official neighborhood marshmallow for this. The bookclub buys him a jar of marshmallow fluff in commemoration.)
He turns to look at Antler Guy, and freezes, much as a chihuahua will when faced with a hungry hellhound.
“You….you alright there buddy?”



“Ň̵̴̫̫̙͙̻̞͈̫̥̪̱͈͈̯̍̀̀͆ͫ̒̿̄͗͘͡͝ͅO̊͑̑͒̎͑̃ͬͭͮ̅̔̆̃̉ͯ̇͗̀҉̵̻̜̞͉̟͙͚̻̪̼̖̀͟ͅ.̵͈̣͈̙̣̜̻̭̩̝̠̞͗ͤͥ̓͗ͬ̓̄͊̓̅̐ͩͮͧͤ̽̐ “

“Uh, yeah, I guess not. Did you, uh, know you’re kinda fuzzing at the edges, there?”



“Ň̵̴̫̫̙͙̻̞͈̫̥̪̱͈͈̯̍̀̀͆ͫ̒̿̄͗͘͡͝ͅO̊͑̑͒̎͑̃ͬͭͮ̅̔̆̃̉ͯ̇͗̀҉̵̻̜̞͉̟͙͚̻̪̼̖̀͟ͅ.̵͈̣͈̙̣̜̻̭̩̝̠̞͗ͤͥ̓͗ͬ̓̄͊̓̅̐ͩͮͧͤ̽̐ “

“Right. Um. Well.” 
Steven makes a very ungraceful exit when space starts bending around Antler Guy’s still, unmoving form.
When Steve sees a shadowy form in his back yard when he gets up to pee that night, there’s no hesitation. He grabs the shotgun from the cabinet and peeks out the back door window.
Just in time to see a nebulous form of soul-wrenching terror engulf the man reaching for the door handle. A sliver of moonlight reveals a very familiar eyesocket. After a moment (and a sincere prayer of thanks that he had already peed, cause otherwise he’d have done it then and there) Steve opens the door. The nebulous form freezes, reality bending around the edges.
“Nice night for it, huh?”


“…..Y̮̮͍͔͇͙͙̟̐͌͛̓̏͞͡Eͩͭͮ̓̍ͯ̀ͧ͏̵̴̛̺̠̱͕̕ͅS͈̹̮̟̳̪̩̘͍̤̲̻͈̱̳̽̋́ͩ̃͋̎ͩ̈͆̀͘͢͢͟ͅ.̧̢͈̭̝̥̦͚͍̇ͫ̃̓͆̿̇ͪ͊ͧ̃͛͌͜͢

“

“Guy won’t scare anymore litttle girls, will he?”



“Ň̵̴̫̫̙͙̻̞͈̫̥̪̱͈͈̯̍̀̀͆ͫ̒̿̄͗͘͡͝ͅO̊͑̑͒̎͑̃ͬͭͮ̅̔̆̃̉ͯ̇͗̀҉̵̻̜̞͉̟͙͚̻̪̼̖̀͟ͅ.̵͈̣͈̙̣̜̻̭̩̝̠̞͗ͤͥ̓͗ͬ̓̄͊̓̅̐ͩͮͧͤ̽̐ “

“Good. G’night then. Oh, and if Hellwife has an extra Audrey Jr. that needs a home, let me know. Millie likes Aubergine a lot but Augy’s just too big for the apartment. Dunno if they come in miniatures though.”


“
I̴̛̟̭͉̮̜̩̬̮̣̘̰͚̩͙̟̳͔̜̙͑̂̆̆͗͒̀ 
͖̖̰͉̥͖͔̙̤̺͍̳͈̹͙̣̞̇̇ͤ͒̅̈́͆̽ͧ́̚̚̕͘W̶̶̱͈̞͖̼̟̣̮̌͂͒̈́͑͌͒͋̍ͮ͗̈ͣ̓ͤ͘͟I̴̶̞̥̩͇̔ͩͦ̇̉̾ͣͬ̀̀̒͒ͧ͛͌͛͆̚͘͢ͅͅL̠̟͕̠̟̪̰̻ͯ͂͊ͥ̍̏͋̐ͬ̉̆̈̀͠L̸̞̭͔̮ͦ͑̉ͮͩ́ͬͨͣ͘͜.̴͈͎̮͇͓͖̱̻̣͊͊ͤͩ͊̑͗͞
 
̸̡̩̖̞̩̻̩̪̭͙̳͚͇̟̺͖̑͊ͫ̀͆ͨ̉̔̓̂̓̋T̷̷̟͉̟̻̻̪̞̰̯̻͈̣̰̬̻̾͐́ͭ̓̅́͡H͇̬̪̩̬̝̣͍͈͇ͯ͛̏͌ͮͧͭͦ͟͜A̴̴̤͕͈̤̮̞̱̯͔͕̙͔͖̰̬̰͈̠ͥ̏ͥ̍̽ͧ̀͝N͗̓͋̃̈̑̀̅ͣ̽̒̂̄ͯͩͤ͏̢͢͏͈̯͎̪͇̟̠͔̯͓͓̰̠̱̠̳͕̳͝K̢̓ͧ͛͛ͣ̄̓̓ͯ̍̈̈́̌͂̔͟҉̛̘̥̖̤̦̻̳͙͟
 
̢̢̻̥̹̣̞͉̘͇͚͍̖̯̘͚͔̗̩͓͐ͮ͂͂̀̚͘͠Y̜̞͇̳̗̬͎̰̙̜̩̪͎̞̙̠̔͂̌̃́̀O͇̺̲͙͍̬̳̘͈̱̜̝͔̖̊ͥ̿ͫͤͫͫͩ͋̓̃ͦ̈̄͢͟Ū̢͖̲̦̠̤͎̙͉̦͖̖͓͍̺̺ͪͯ͐͆͆ͭͯ͗ͦ̄̅̌̈̃̾ͭ̋ͧ͢͢͠͡.̶̸̞͓̞̹̗̻̣͈͕̠̬̦ͫ̆ͤͬͨͦ͒͂ͨ̿ͩͪ͘͞.ͧ͛̒̂̂͗ͨ̌͆ͥͭ͒̉͘͜͏̙͖̰̝̙̲͓̙͕͍̥̳̩́͠.̶̷̮͎̱̼̬͖̰͎͚͙̥̓͋͋ͦ̓̓ͯ͆͛̏ͫ̅ͯ.̨̧̙̤̳̮̺̙͖̞͔̗͎͍̑̆ͮ͐ͩͦ̌̽̾̏͘͠.̹̖͕̮͕̞̰͍͚͖̌ͪ̃̐̐̌̌̅̉͑ͧͪͪͬ̓͐́͛̿͘͞ ….NEIGHBOR STEVE.”

“Anytime.”
There are no more peeping reports. Millie brings back Aubergine and spends an entire afternoon teaching Steve the particulars of Augy’s new “hairstyle” (a gravity-defying mass of teased tendrils, ribbons, and barrettes) in between games of tag and hide-and-seek with Timmy and Son.
When Antler Guy and Hellwife present her and her mother Beatrice with a tiny Audrey Jr. (”pOOr ThinG Is a ruNT And wOn’T geT MorE Than A FooT taLL, BEa, aNd NeeDS a New FRiEnD”, assures Hellwife), both mother and child burst out crying. Millie names it Bella, after Bella Lugosi, and shows it to the excited group of boys (Steve and Augy included).


IT GOT SO MUCH BETTER!!!!

Life in a subdivision partly populated with eldritch and possibly magical (officially classified as “extra-dimensional”, for even when faced with the physics-defying nature of their new co-habitating citizens the government cannot bring itself to acknowledge them as “magic wielding hell-beasts”, as some high-ranking staff members initially suggested) goes on fairly normally. 
Sure, there are a few hiccoughs. The creeping deathshade vines get a stern talking to about appropriate afternoon snacks (”NOT the Fitz-Simmon’s chihuahua, I don’t care how much he has it coming or what he excreted where, now spit it out!”), Aubergine sheds all her leaves at once and snowballs the house (but does helps sweep up afterwards), and moonrise is a good time to watch the night-gaunts fly by (but on moondark it’s best to stay inside, no matter how prettily they glow. They’re somewhat similar to fireflies, and don’t always check to see if their partner glows as well. It wouldn’t be as much of a problem if they didn’t dive mid-coitus and drop just above the ground.)
While the neighborhood in general is accepting of the Abominations, when things get to be a bit much they tend to come to Steve. Since meeting Beatrice and Millie (and the formation of the Terrifying Triad known as Millie, Son, and Timmy) Steve is the adult human male most comfortable dealing with Antler Guy on the whole street. (Sharon as U.M.B. is widely held to have, well, steel-whatever-the-hell-she-wants, and Timmy is known to run over to Antler Guy and ask for rides through “that wobbly grey place, you know, the one with the REALLY BIG alligators?”. Still, the courtesies must be observed.)
So when a writhing sparking ball of snarling terror and teeth takes up residence in the Manzo’s tool-shed, and when Animal Control refuses to come (the street is banned due to a run-in with the deathshade vines), Steve is called. Having heard the description, Steve brings Antler Guy.
When they get there, Mr. Manzo is forcibly holding the door shut. Unholy yowling is coming from inside. At a gesture from Antler Guy, Mr. Manzo leaps away, and the doors blast open.
A 150 pound ball of whimpering, flaming something hits Steve and knocks him on his ass. The whimpering, flaming something proceeds to slobber all over Steve, his shirt, his pants, and a decent portion of grass in between distressed yelps.
“GACK!”
“NEIGHBOR STEVE, ARE YOU IN DISTRESS?”
“GAAACKLEARGHSPLUH- DOWN boy, HEEL, that’s a good- Antler Guy, what is this?!”
“I BELIEVE IT IS A HELLHOUND, NEIGHBOR STEVE.”
“Good grief, I didn’t know they came this big and…..and….. Guy?”
“YES NEIGHBOR STEVE?”
“Is he supposed to be…..skinless?”
“YES NEIGHBOR STEVE. THIS VARIETY WAS BRED TO BE LAP DOGS. THEIR FLAME IS MOSTLY WITHOUT HEAT, AND THEY HAVE NO SKIN FOR THOSE WHO ARE ALLERGIC.”
“…….laPDOG?!”
“YES NEIGHBOR STEVE.” Antler Guy lays a hand on the hellhound, who tries to burrow further into Steve with little success. “HE APPEARS TO HAVE BEEN RECENTLY WEANED. IT WILL TAKE TIME FOR HIM TO GROW TO HIS FULL SIZE.”
“……”
“THE SMALL BREEDS GROW MORE SLOWLY.”
A vile hissing emanates from the shed. (Mr. Manzo has long since fled for the safety of his kitchen.) As Steve attempts to calm the frantic hell-puppy, Antler Guy investigates. He reaches one long hand in behind the riding lawnmower and….. winces.
“NEIGHBOR STEVE?”
“Yeah- I’m right here, uh, doggie, not going anywhere- Guy?”
“I APPEAR TO HAVE AN…. ATTACHMENT.”
Steve is awed at the tiny ball of white fluff attached to one long, thin finger. He didn’t know that Antler Guy’s fingers COULD be bitten, much less by a tiny kitten.
Which is how Steve and Sharon got Clifford (”Aww c’mon Sharon, how could I pass that one up?”), and Antler Guy and Hellwife get Fluffy (”NEIGHBOR STEVE ASSURES ME IT IS A TRADITIONAL TITLE.”)


This might be the most amazing thing that ever crossed my tumblr dash


OMIGOSH I’m in love.


I LOVE EVERY BIT OF THIS

This is like the stoplight post. It is Tumblr legend, and I feel I must reblog it for those fortunate few who get to experience it for the first time.
                    
                
            

            
            
        

    

    

        
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        Club, Ron Swanson, and Shit: Wait a second. What exactly is the message being
 conveyed here? Feel free to sabotage the product
 for the sake of making your own job easier?
 This worker just removed 47.64% of the material
 from the object he was assigned to transport! If
 one of his co-workers removed 47.64% of his cube
 to simply make a smaller cube, he'd move faster,
 too. And probably get fired for it.
 If the worker is going to carve up his cube, why not
 carve a cylinder? It'd be just as mobile as a sphere,
 but he'd only have to remove 21.46% of the mate-
 rial. And it would require less work to carve.
 While we're on the subject, though, how quickly
 did this worker carve a sphere out of a cube? Evi
 dently he didn't lose much headway. And he did it
 with that little pen-knife? Seriously? Do you know
 how difficult it is to carve a perfect sphere from a
 cube? That's some Ron Swanson shit right there.
 If the ultimate goal was to deliver a whole cube,
 then the worker has already failed. If the goal was
 to deliver as much of the material as quickly as
 possible, then he should have cut 4 edges off the
 cube [removing only 17.16%). An octagonal prism
 rolls just fine, with less material and time wasted.
 Don't Work Hard.
 Work Intelligent.
 But, for all we know, when the workers arrive at
 their destination, they may be required to stack
 the objects. In this case, our so-called intelligent
 worker has delivered an object that won't stack.
 Bravo, intelligent worker! Bravo!
 Oh, and it should read: "Work Intelligently."
<p><a href="http://laughoutloud-club.tumblr.com/post/173928613600/wait-a-second-just-think-about-it" class="tumblr_blog">laughoutloud-club</a>:</p>

<blockquote><p>Wait A Second, Just Think About It</p></blockquote>
        

            
            

                
                
                    Club, Ron Swanson, and Shit: Wait a second. What exactly is the message being
 conveyed here? Feel free to sabotage the product
 for the sake of making your own job easier?
 This worker just removed 47.64% of the material
 from the object he was assigned to transport! If
 one of his co-workers removed 47.64% of his cube
 to simply make a smaller cube, he'd move faster,
 too. And probably get fired for it.
 If the worker is going to carve up his cube, why not
 carve a cylinder? It'd be just as mobile as a sphere,
 but he'd only have to remove 21.46% of the mate-
 rial. And it would require less work to carve.
 While we're on the subject, though, how quickly
 did this worker carve a sphere out of a cube? Evi
 dently he didn't lose much headway. And he did it
 with that little pen-knife? Seriously? Do you know
 how difficult it is to carve a perfect sphere from a
 cube? That's some Ron Swanson shit right there.
 If the ultimate goal was to deliver a whole cube,
 then the worker has already failed. If the goal was
 to deliver as much of the material as quickly as
 possible, then he should have cut 4 edges off the
 cube [removing only 17.16%). An octagonal prism
 rolls just fine, with less material and time wasted.
 Don't Work Hard.
 Work Intelligent.
 But, for all we know, when the workers arrive at
 their destination, they may be required to stack
 the objects. In this case, our so-called intelligent
 worker has delivered an object that won't stack.
 Bravo, intelligent worker! Bravo!
 Oh, and it should read: "Work Intelligently."
<p><a href="http://laughoutloud-club.tumblr.com/post/173928613600/wait-a-second-just-think-about-it" class="tumblr_blog">laughoutloud-club</a>:</p>

<blockquote><p>Wait A Second, Just Think About It</p></blockquote>
                    
                
            

            
            
        

    

    

        
Save

    



        

    

    
    
    

        

            




    

        
        
        
        
        
        
        
    

    

        Club, Ron Swanson, and Shit: Wait a second. What exactly is the message being
 conveyed here? Feel free to sabotage the product
 for the sake of making your own job easier?
 This worker just removed 47.64% of the material
 from the object he was assigned to transport! If
 one of his co-workers removed 47.64% of his cube
 to simply make a smaller cube, he'd move faster,
 too. And probably get fired for it.
 If the worker is going to carve up his cube, why not
 carve a cylinder? It'd be just as mobile as a sphere,
 but he'd only have to remove 21.46% of the mate-
 rial. And it would require less work to carve.
 While we're on the subject, though, how quickly
 did this worker carve a sphere out of a cube? Evi
 dently he didn't lose much headway. And he did it
 with that little pen-knife? Seriously? Do you know
 how difficult it is to carve a perfect sphere from a
 cube? That's some Ron Swanson shit right there.
 If the ultimate goal was to deliver a whole cube,
 then the worker has already failed. If the goal was
 to deliver as much of the material as quickly as
 possible, then he should have cut 4 edges off the
 cube [removing only 17.16%). An octagonal prism
 rolls just fine, with less material and time wasted.
 Don't Work Hard.
 Work Intelligent.
 But, for all we know, when the workers arrive at
 their destination, they may be required to stack
 the objects. In this case, our so-called intelligent
 worker has delivered an object that won't stack.
 Bravo, intelligent worker! Bravo!
 Oh, and it should read: "Work Intelligently."
laughoutloud-club:

Wait A Second, Just Think About It
        

            
            

                
                
                    Club, Ron Swanson, and Shit: Wait a second. What exactly is the message being
 conveyed here? Feel free to sabotage the product
 for the sake of making your own job easier?
 This worker just removed 47.64% of the material
 from the object he was assigned to transport! If
 one of his co-workers removed 47.64% of his cube
 to simply make a smaller cube, he'd move faster,
 too. And probably get fired for it.
 If the worker is going to carve up his cube, why not
 carve a cylinder? It'd be just as mobile as a sphere,
 but he'd only have to remove 21.46% of the mate-
 rial. And it would require less work to carve.
 While we're on the subject, though, how quickly
 did this worker carve a sphere out of a cube? Evi
 dently he didn't lose much headway. And he did it
 with that little pen-knife? Seriously? Do you know
 how difficult it is to carve a perfect sphere from a
 cube? That's some Ron Swanson shit right there.
 If the ultimate goal was to deliver a whole cube,
 then the worker has already failed. If the goal was
 to deliver as much of the material as quickly as
 possible, then he should have cut 4 edges off the
 cube [removing only 17.16%). An octagonal prism
 rolls just fine, with less material and time wasted.
 Don't Work Hard.
 Work Intelligent.
 But, for all we know, when the workers arrive at
 their destination, they may be required to stack
 the objects. In this case, our so-called intelligent
 worker has delivered an object that won't stack.
 Bravo, intelligent worker! Bravo!
 Oh, and it should read: "Work Intelligently."
laughoutloud-club:

Wait A Second, Just Think About It
                    
                
            

            
            
        

    

    

        
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        Driving, Funny, and Heaven: DINE R
 HOME STYLE COOKING
cirilee:
#i wanna go there and have the best meal ive ever had then as im driving away i turn back to find that the diner is not there#and then meet up with an old cermudgeonly local who when i ask about it looks suprised and says that diner burned to the ground in 1957#but the funny thing is is that i still feel full#the next day i notice im still feeling full#i find i can no longer find satisfaction in the foods i used to love#to the point where i stop eating all together#as the months pass im still feeling full#but im skin and bone#in an acf of desperation i seek the diner#after a week of circling the desert around that town i see it!#in the distance#like a mirrage#i approach and it doesnt dissapear#and for the first time in neary a year#im hungry. starving.#i slam on my breaks and run inside#its exactly as i remembered it#the same patrons in the same chairs#having the same conversations#i ordered the same thing i did last time#it tastes like heaven#i strike up a conversation with the man behind the counter#i ask him if he remembers me. he says he remembers every new face. this is the first time hes seen mine#now im curious. I casually tell him what the old man told me. how this diner burnt down years ago. he assures me that never happened#all the eyes in the diner are on me. the corners of my vision become hazy. like the edges of burning paper.#for thefirst time in a long time im full. my plate is empty. when did i finish eating?#I ask the man behind the counter for the year. he says 1957. that sounds about right. the charred edges of my vision close is.#i feel warm. content.#some teens find a body while they’re out for a joyride in the desert. it’s charred beyond recognition.#it’s nothing but skin and bone
@tateratots that’s one amazing yarn spinned

        

            
            

                
                
                    Driving, Funny, and Heaven: DINE R
 HOME STYLE COOKING
cirilee:
#i wanna go there and have the best meal ive ever had then as im driving away i turn back to find that the diner is not there#and then meet up with an old cermudgeonly local who when i ask about it looks suprised and says that diner burned to the ground in 1957#but the funny thing is is that i still feel full#the next day i notice im still feeling full#i find i can no longer find satisfaction in the foods i used to love#to the point where i stop eating all together#as the months pass im still feeling full#but im skin and bone#in an acf of desperation i seek the diner#after a week of circling the desert around that town i see it!#in the distance#like a mirrage#i approach and it doesnt dissapear#and for the first time in neary a year#im hungry. starving.#i slam on my breaks and run inside#its exactly as i remembered it#the same patrons in the same chairs#having the same conversations#i ordered the same thing i did last time#it tastes like heaven#i strike up a conversation with the man behind the counter#i ask him if he remembers me. he says he remembers every new face. this is the first time hes seen mine#now im curious. I casually tell him what the old man told me. how this diner burnt down years ago. he assures me that never happened#all the eyes in the diner are on me. the corners of my vision become hazy. like the edges of burning paper.#for thefirst time in a long time im full. my plate is empty. when did i finish eating?#I ask the man behind the counter for the year. he says 1957. that sounds about right. the charred edges of my vision close is.#i feel warm. content.#some teens find a body while they’re out for a joyride in the desert. it’s charred beyond recognition.#it’s nothing but skin and bone
@tateratots that’s one amazing yarn spinned

                    
                
            

            
                
                
cirilee:
#i wanna go there and have the best meal ive ever had then as im driving away i turn back to find that the diner is not there#and t...

                
            
            
        

    

    

        
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        Chill, Christmas, and Cookies: davetheshady:

brawltogethernow:

shapechangersinwinter:

locusimperium:

A few years ago, when I was living in the housing co-op and looking for a quick cookie recipe, I came across a blog post for something called “Norwegian Christmas butter squares.” I’d never found anything like it before: it created rich, buttery and chewy cookies, like a vastly superior version of the holiday sugar cookies I’d eaten growing up. About a year ago I went looking for the recipe again, and failed to find it. The blog had been taken down, and it sent me into momentary panic. 
Luckily, I remembered enough to find it on the Wayback Machine, and quickly copied it into a file that I’ve saved ever since. I probably make these cookies about once a month, and they last about five days around my voracious husband - they’re fantastic with a cup of bitter coffee or tea. I’m skeptical that there is something distinctively Norwegian about these cookies, but they do seem like the perfect thing to eat on a cold day. 

Norwegian Christmas Butter Squares
1 cup unsalted butter, softened
1 egg1 cup sugar2 cups flour1 tsp vanilla½ tsp saltTurbinado/ Raw Sugar for dusting
Preheat the oven to 400 degrees. Chill a 9x13″ baking pan in the freezer. Do not grease the pan.
Using a mixer, blend the butter, egg, sugar, and salt together until it is creamy.  Add the flour and vanilla and mix using your hands until the mixture holds together in large clumps. If it seems overly soft, add a little extra flour. 
Using your hands, press the dough out onto the chilled and ungreased baking sheet until it is even and ¼ inch thick.  Dust the top of the cookies evenly with raw sugar.
Bake at 400 degrees until the edges turn a golden brown, about 12-15 minutes. Remove from the oven. Let cool for about five minutes before cutting the cooked dough into squares. Remove the squares from the warm pan using a spatula.



So I tried this recipe.
And it is GREAT.
It basically makes the platonic ideal of commercial sugar cookies, only in bar form. When I give them to people (which I do a lot, because this is one of those simple recipes where the results seem very impressive), I just tell them they’re sugar cookie bars.

Life hack: add white chocolate chips and sea salt

        

            
            

                
                
                    Chill, Christmas, and Cookies: davetheshady:

brawltogethernow:

shapechangersinwinter:

locusimperium:

A few years ago, when I was living in the housing co-op and looking for a quick cookie recipe, I came across a blog post for something called “Norwegian Christmas butter squares.” I’d never found anything like it before: it created rich, buttery and chewy cookies, like a vastly superior version of the holiday sugar cookies I’d eaten growing up. About a year ago I went looking for the recipe again, and failed to find it. The blog had been taken down, and it sent me into momentary panic. 
Luckily, I remembered enough to find it on the Wayback Machine, and quickly copied it into a file that I’ve saved ever since. I probably make these cookies about once a month, and they last about five days around my voracious husband - they’re fantastic with a cup of bitter coffee or tea. I’m skeptical that there is something distinctively Norwegian about these cookies, but they do seem like the perfect thing to eat on a cold day. 

Norwegian Christmas Butter Squares
1 cup unsalted butter, softened
1 egg1 cup sugar2 cups flour1 tsp vanilla½ tsp saltTurbinado/ Raw Sugar for dusting
Preheat the oven to 400 degrees. Chill a 9x13″ baking pan in the freezer. Do not grease the pan.
Using a mixer, blend the butter, egg, sugar, and salt together until it is creamy.  Add the flour and vanilla and mix using your hands until the mixture holds together in large clumps. If it seems overly soft, add a little extra flour. 
Using your hands, press the dough out onto the chilled and ungreased baking sheet until it is even and ¼ inch thick.  Dust the top of the cookies evenly with raw sugar.
Bake at 400 degrees until the edges turn a golden brown, about 12-15 minutes. Remove from the oven. Let cool for about five minutes before cutting the cooked dough into squares. Remove the squares from the warm pan using a spatula.



So I tried this recipe.
And it is GREAT.
It basically makes the platonic ideal of commercial sugar cookies, only in bar form. When I give them to people (which I do a lot, because this is one of those simple recipes where the results seem very impressive), I just tell them they’re sugar cookie bars.

Life hack: add white chocolate chips and sea salt

                    
                
            

            
                
                
davetheshady:

brawltogethernow:

shapechangersinwinter:

locusimperium:

A few years ago, when I was living in the housing co-op and lookin...

                
            
            
        

    

    

        
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        Beautiful, Crazy, and Fresh: sosyebabe
 What you got made fun of in school for?
 graatrunk
 i went into american public school for 6th
 grade and i pierced someone's scrotum with a
 fencing foil that was missing the little rubber
 safety tip on the end by accident in gym
 and it was middle school so i was promptly
 nicknamed "The Nut Slayer" and i cried until
 my parents let me move back to europe and
 live with my grandparents
billsimportantposts I know most people associate LUSH Cosmetics with white girls and bath bombs but products from this beautiful company have faded my scars and stretch marks, completely gotten rid of my acne, fixed my dry skin problems, thickened my eyelashes, laid my edges, made my hair grow like crazy… I can go on and on. I’ve actually never tried the bath bombs, but their skincare and haircare products work magic. Fading Scars - Stretch Marks Organic Therapy Massage Bar Extra Dry Skin King of Skin In-Shower Body Conditioner, Skin Drink Facial Moisturizer, Sultana of Soap Bar, Tender is the Night Massage Bar, Each’s a Peach Massage Bar Acne Fresh Farmacy Solid Cleanser, Eau Roma Toning Water, Full of Grace Serum Bar Thickening Lashes Eyes Right Mascara - Lash Milk Edges R&B Hair Moisturizer (if you put this on your edges before wrapping your hair, they’ll be relaxer-straight when you wake up, lasts about 12 hours), -Dirty Styling Cream (cream-based edge control with a matte finish, no more shiny or crunchy edges) -Hair Growth NEW! Shampoo Bar, Retread Hair Conditioner FACE - HAIR STUFF Magical Moringa Facial Moisturizer Oh my lordy. Let me tell y'all about this stuff. It’s marketed as a moisturizer but I use it as a primer because when you put this on your face, it’s completely matte. Like completely. All day. And it will lock your makeup in place like no other. You can sweat in it, swim in it, whatever. Shit won’t budge. Ever. Jason & the Argan Oil Shampoo Bar Amazing for volumizing. It made the three bundles in my head look more like five when I used this thing the first time, I kid you not. Also gives your hair a really natural shine. I only use it when I really need a volume boost, otherwise it’s just too much. No Drought Dry Shampoo If you have a weave, you need this stuff. Period. A lot of times, the natural oils in our scalps (referring to my fellow black women here) are too heavy for Brazilian, Peruvian, etc hair, and so it’s easy for weave to get weighed down between washes. Shake this stuff in your hair, brush it out - bam, flow city. ( more in the comments
        

            
            

                
                
                    Beautiful, Crazy, and Fresh: sosyebabe
 What you got made fun of in school for?
 graatrunk
 i went into american public school for 6th
 grade and i pierced someone's scrotum with a
 fencing foil that was missing the little rubber
 safety tip on the end by accident in gym
 and it was middle school so i was promptly
 nicknamed "The Nut Slayer" and i cried until
 my parents let me move back to europe and
 live with my grandparents
billsimportantposts I know most people associate LUSH Cosmetics with white girls and bath bombs but products from this beautiful company have faded my scars and stretch marks, completely gotten rid of my acne, fixed my dry skin problems, thickened my eyelashes, laid my edges, made my hair grow like crazy… I can go on and on. I’ve actually never tried the bath bombs, but their skincare and haircare products work magic. Fading Scars - Stretch Marks Organic Therapy Massage Bar Extra Dry Skin King of Skin In-Shower Body Conditioner, Skin Drink Facial Moisturizer, Sultana of Soap Bar, Tender is the Night Massage Bar, Each’s a Peach Massage Bar Acne Fresh Farmacy Solid Cleanser, Eau Roma Toning Water, Full of Grace Serum Bar Thickening Lashes Eyes Right Mascara - Lash Milk Edges R&B Hair Moisturizer (if you put this on your edges before wrapping your hair, they’ll be relaxer-straight when you wake up, lasts about 12 hours), -Dirty Styling Cream (cream-based edge control with a matte finish, no more shiny or crunchy edges) -Hair Growth NEW! Shampoo Bar, Retread Hair Conditioner FACE - HAIR STUFF Magical Moringa Facial Moisturizer Oh my lordy. Let me tell y'all about this stuff. It’s marketed as a moisturizer but I use it as a primer because when you put this on your face, it’s completely matte. Like completely. All day. And it will lock your makeup in place like no other. You can sweat in it, swim in it, whatever. Shit won’t budge. Ever. Jason & the Argan Oil Shampoo Bar Amazing for volumizing. It made the three bundles in my head look more like five when I used this thing the first time, I kid you not. Also gives your hair a really natural shine. I only use it when I really need a volume boost, otherwise it’s just too much. No Drought Dry Shampoo If you have a weave, you need this stuff. Period. A lot of times, the natural oils in our scalps (referring to my fellow black women here) are too heavy for Brazilian, Peruvian, etc hair, and so it’s easy for weave to get weighed down between washes. Shake this stuff in your hair, brush it out - bam, flow city. ( more in the comments
                    
                
            

            
            
        

    

    

        
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        America, Apple, and Books: WARNING!
 MANCHINEEL TREE
 THE LEAVES, BARK AND FRUITS OF THESE TREES
 CONTAIN A CAUSTIC SAP WHICH MAY BE INJURIOUS
 IE TOUCHED. COLUMBUS DESCRIBED THE SMALL GREEN
 FRIATS AS DENII APPLES: THE TREES ARE COMMON
 ALONG CARIBBEAN SHORES. AVOID CONTACT WITH
 ANY PART OF THIS TREE!
sixpenceee:

Throughout Caribbean, Central America, the northern edges of South America, and even in south Florida, there can be found a pleasant-looking beachy sort of tree, often laden with small greenish-yellow fruits that look not unlike apples.This is the manchineel, known sometimes as the beach apple, or more accurately in Spanish-speaking countries as la manzanilla de la muerte, which translates to “the little apple of death,” or as arbol de la muerte, “tree of death.”“Warning: all parts of manchineel are extremely poisonous. The content in this document is strictly informational. Interaction with and ingestion of any part of this tree may be lethal,” write Michael G. Andreu and Melissa H. Friedman of the University of Florida in a brief guide to the tree. This is not an exaggeration. The fruits, though described as sweet and tasty, are extraordinarily toxic. Fatalities are not known in modern literature, though it’s certainly possible that people have died from eating the fruit of the manchineel. “Shipwrecked sailors have been reported to have eaten manchineel fruits and, rather than dying a violent death, they had inflammations and blistering around the mouth. Other people have been diagnosed with severe stomach and intestinal issues,” says Roger Hammer, a naturalist and botanist who has written many books about the flora of Florida. (Source)
        

            
            

                
                
                    America, Apple, and Books: WARNING!
 MANCHINEEL TREE
 THE LEAVES, BARK AND FRUITS OF THESE TREES
 CONTAIN A CAUSTIC SAP WHICH MAY BE INJURIOUS
 IE TOUCHED. COLUMBUS DESCRIBED THE SMALL GREEN
 FRIATS AS DENII APPLES: THE TREES ARE COMMON
 ALONG CARIBBEAN SHORES. AVOID CONTACT WITH
 ANY PART OF THIS TREE!
sixpenceee:

Throughout Caribbean, Central America, the northern edges of South America, and even in south Florida, there can be found a pleasant-looking beachy sort of tree, often laden with small greenish-yellow fruits that look not unlike apples.This is the manchineel, known sometimes as the beach apple, or more accurately in Spanish-speaking countries as la manzanilla de la muerte, which translates to “the little apple of death,” or as arbol de la muerte, “tree of death.”“Warning: all parts of manchineel are extremely poisonous. The content in this document is strictly informational. Interaction with and ingestion of any part of this tree may be lethal,” write Michael G. Andreu and Melissa H. Friedman of the University of Florida in a brief guide to the tree. This is not an exaggeration. The fruits, though described as sweet and tasty, are extraordinarily toxic. Fatalities are not known in modern literature, though it’s certainly possible that people have died from eating the fruit of the manchineel. “Shipwrecked sailors have been reported to have eaten manchineel fruits and, rather than dying a violent death, they had inflammations and blistering around the mouth. Other people have been diagnosed with severe stomach and intestinal issues,” says Roger Hammer, a naturalist and botanist who has written many books about the flora of Florida. (Source)
                    
                
            

            
                
                
sixpenceee:

Throughout Caribbean, Central America, the northern edges of South America, and even in south Florida, there can be found a ple...

                
            
            
        

    

    

        
Save