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Come Over, Dude, and Fucking: 0,A 24% 5:15 Bread Saturday 938 PM I'm ready to get this bread U sure about that?? Oh yeah, I'm always ready for bread Do you like bread? I fucking love bread Do you like getting choked? Saturday 1116 PM Excuse me? Oh c'mon, you know the 'Let's get this bread' meme but not the "Do you like bread" meme? What a disappointment ....I'm unaware of that meme Follow up question: Will you come over tomorrow? Ahhhhh l've been enlightened If you're gonna be bread you've gotta go all the way, dig deep, and become the bread you were meant to be Saturday 11:43 PM You're right I was so unprepared It's all rye-te. You'll do breader next time Damn I need to step my bread game up If you don't improve soon people like me are going to show you up and you'll be toast Today 12:52 AM FRANK you're killing me Sorry, I'm just on a roll Bread? I really can't think of anything damn I made this account for fun now I feel inadequate Wow, usually it's the other people on tinder making me feel inadequate, this is s nice change of pace. There's no need to feel sourdough, cheer up! You're a fuckin baller frank I'm glad I could help Thanks, now I don't feel so pita-ful anymore I've been hitting you with these bread puns naan-stop I hope it hasn't been bothering you too much I fuckin love it how are you so damn clever Are you googling bread puns Nope, just coming up with them off of the top of my bread Marry me I don't think I'm bready for that kind of commitment yet... I appreciate the offer dough My heart is broken frank You're just moving a little too fast for me is all. If we just slow down and take our time I promise it'll be worth the wheat Today 1:58 AM I loaf you There you go, now you're getting it. Donut give up you're doing great Well, it's time for me to bake a nap, I can hit you with more bread puns after my yeast rises out of bed in the morning You bread my mind!! Today 4:49 PM Btw do you mind if I post this conversation to Breaddit and get some karma? Today 5:15 PM Dude go for it GIF Type a I was bready for this
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Ass, Bad, and Children: zaynsamosa white person: eats chicken tikka masala once* i just... i feel so connected... to indian culture... I'm learning to speak islam.... check out my third eye..... chakra teaboot Every time see this. Every damn time. I'm immediately sucked back into my fuckin. Fuckin English lit class with Mr. Fuckass McShit. Mr. "Hit the gong to begin class", "Namaste, Children", "l wanna go backpacking in India to find my spiritual awakening and also my left burkinstock that I lost during a cedar sauna drum circle" ass bastard. "Do you want to share your poetry with the class to get in touch with your emotions" ass fucker. Mr. "Here's a photograph of a tribal shaman, describe him using nature words" asshole. Pretentious- ass, condescending motherfucker. "Do you want to tell us about your saddest memory?" "I dunno, sir. Are you giving me an option?" "No." "Then why are you asking" Every goddamn day. Fuck. "You seem tense." Oh, I seem tense? I seem tense. Well fuck, Professor Pillsbury, maybe l 'seem tense' because I walk into a room on five hours of sleep to the sound of a goddamn brass gong drilling through my brain and your seven- foot-nine, socks-and-sandals-wearing, patchouli- smelling ass immediately gravitates in my direction with some shit like "a tree......... Is a Poem" and I gotta sit here and politely tell you that No I'm Not Comfortable Telling The Class About A Time I Was Emotionally Vulnerable With A Loved One using words that sound like the way the color yellow smells. Maybe l don't wanna sit in a circle and hold hands with Brittney from Computer Sciences to "align our auras" or some shit Fuck. Fuuuuuuck. I swear to God, if I wanted to sing kumbaya' with a smelly old guy with gross facial hair who writes bad porn on the side, I'd go out to the parking lot and share a Hookah with Crazy Dan, the disgraced electrician. What, I don't wanna do an interpretive dance to represent the spiritual experience of eating Quinoa in a room full of ambivalent preteens and suddenly I'm the 'troubled youth' you need to Robin Williams "O Captain My Captain" your way into having a Paternal Bonding Moment powerful enough to Expand My Impressionable Young Mind and Turn My Life Around, you goddamn saint, you? Jesus Fucking Christ. You insufferable jackass. You're not "Enlightened", you rolled out of bed and ate half a pot brownie, wrote a sad song about a leaf, and strolled into class to ramble about your Spirit Animal for six hours straight before calling it a day. Holy Jesus goddamned Christ. Fucking Balls, sir. Holy Fucking Balls Source: zintersoldier #Teaboot 238,334 notes Sep 29th, 2018 a tree Is a Poem
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Bad, Halo, and Life: u/Hjaaal ld i.redd.it now hug me human! @DrSmashlove Life update: I’ve tried all the healthy ice creams bruv. Halo Top. Enlightened. Arctic Zero. And I’ve come to the scientific conclusion that they all suck 🤗😂. Not edible. Not creamy or dreamy enuf. Simply not satisfying. It’s like when you break up with yo ex and date a whole bunch of duds and then u just like “I miss my ex, imma take them back even tho they ain’t good for me because they SPICY 🤗”. That’s Ben and Jerry’s bruv. Yes they got 3,892 calories per pint. And 582 grams of fat. And some crack. Like literally in the ingredients it say “sugarly, heavenly sugar; milkariffic milk from happy cows who listen to the Grateful Dead all day and inhale dab fumes; and a touch of crack. Just a touch! 👌 A lil Vermont Crack for love, just like Jerry Garcia used to like it ☺️. Cookie dough. Maltodextrin (sorry, we can’t have this goodness go bad on you, pilgrim!) 😇” Smfh. Ben and Jerry we can’t eat no regular ice cream now. Y’all done ruined us. If every bite don’t have chunks of real brownie batter, waffle cone, almonds, fudge swirl, creamy caramel, and a touch of illegal hallucinogens, we don’t want it. Y’all are the cot damn Shaq PP of the ice cream industry. We went Shaq and it ain’t no going back. We open now. Criminals 😞😂😂😂

Life update: I’ve tried all the healthy ice creams bruv. Halo Top. Enlightened. Arctic Zero. And I’ve come to the scientific conclusion that...

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