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Alive, Animals, and Dad: Megan Monday 8:01 PM I dont think you're ready for the level of wierd shit I can message you Monday 8:36 PM I always like telling people the story of my first dog, Rusty. We called him that because when he was just a lil pup he stepped on a rusty nail and got tetanus. Unfortunately we had to amputate his leg but he was still the happiest three-legged dog you've ever seen. Not as happy as a 4 legged dog obviously but still pretty happy. One day though he stepped on a rusty nail again and we couldn't afford the medical bills so my dad had to put him down. The last night I spent with Rusty is probably my most shameful yet emotional memory of all time. I wanted to give him a goodbye treat and have something to remember him by so I decided to do our favorite tradition. I slathered up my balls with peanut butter and let hin lick it off. I just wasnt ready to let go so I did it again and again all night hoping morning would never come By the time Rusty's last morning came we went through 3 tubs of peanut butter and my balls were sore and bleeding, but it was worth it to say goodbye to my buddy We had Rusty's funeral while he was still alive, which was a little un orthodox but whatever, 1 had never been to a dog funeral before and I didnt know how they would work. My father, who was a preacher ave the eulogy and told the whole family that the Lord cares not for animals, as they are inferior species to Humans, who were created in his own likeness. Suffice it to say. Rusty was going to burn in hell for all eternity for no reason other than that he wasnt human-I guess not all dogs go to heaven. The funeral ended with a viking-style funeral pyre, which Rusty was placed on top of. I protested to my father but he insisted that he was supposed to be alive atop the pyre. His howls atop that burning pile of tires will forever be the most beautifully haunting sound I have ever heard, etched into my mind and resurfacing in my nightmares as I sleep. After the service my dad made me sweep up all the ashes because "You need to learn how to clean up after your pets Sent Her bio said please message me some weird shit
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Beautiful, Facebook, and Life: Tim Hortons Yesterday at 2:17pm- Dear Tim Hortons, It is with a great pang in my heart that I show you the image of the recent and traumatizing death of my lover that occurred today at approximately 4pm EDT. Upon opening your bag to bask in the glory of my chocolate dip goodness, I once again had to witness the tearing of icing flesh from the dough I oh so love I shudder as I write this In my efforts to scrape the sweet nectar from the inside of the bag with my teeth, it ripped and I regretfully ate some of the bag. At that point, it was too late to turn back, I had to get my money's worth. I am not proud of the things I have done, Tim, but know that in my moments of sorrow, only your rich brown sugar paste could console me This is but one of many casualties that I have horrifically had to experience while being a faithful Tim Hortons customer (and thereby making me an honorary Canadian citizen). Please come to a solution where the deaths of chocolate dip doughnuts and its brethren will no longer have to suffer at the unmerciful hands of Tim Hortons bags all over the country I have seen so much.. I don't know if lI'll ever be the same. Hold me, Tim Hortons. Please, just hold me 8 08 2 ng Thanks so much forX Tim Hortons Dear your beautiful and moving eulogy. We are so sorry to hear about your donut. Although we can never bring it back to life as it once was, we would like to help fill the void. Please send us a private Facebook message with your contact information so we can make this right and take steps towards saving other donuts from a similar fate. Sincerely Tim Hortons Like . Reply-D 693-4 hrs . Edited
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Confused, Fire, and Funny: Showrunner Swap Parks and Reccharacters love a good Game ofThrones reference.So what would happenif the creative overlords of these two vastly different TV worlds swapped jobs for an episode? Treat yourself to the results,-DAN SNIERSON Game of Recreationrucers By Game of Thrones exec producers By Parks and Recreation co-creator/ exec producer Michael Schur The Pawnee Avian Society, led by Councilman Jamm, strong-arms Act 1 Daenerys Stormborn rides her Khalasar and the 8,000 Unsullied out of Astapor. Looking out at the vast emptiness of the desert, she declares "I will build a park he "Who the hell's gonna come to a park in frigging Astapor?" She refuses to Leslie into building a park for Paw nee's official bird, the Grizzled-Neck Pigeon. April, the Pale Woman, pre sides over the dedication, complete with burning garbage pyres. Ron sees a ghost (or a Tammy?) just as his handcrafted birdcage SPLINTERS slicing Jean-Ralph Tom's legs, and rendering Jerry mute save for his own name... "Jerry Jerry...". Meanwhile, in Eagleton, Ann amasses a fleet of her own Grizzled-Necks, the Pigeon from the ceremony perched on her shoulder rel" Ser Jorah: Joffrey wants to try out his new crossbow by firing it at prostitutes Tyrion: "Your Grace, whores are not used for target practice. They are used as distractions during plot exposition. Second, you need a government per mit to use that crossbow." As Tyrion and Varys explain the bureaucratic permit process, the prostitutes start having sex with each other. io in half, breaking Act 2 Daenerys holds a public forum to discuss the park. The Starks think the park should have a wolf run, the Targaryens want more fire pits, the Lannisters don't want to pay for it. Also, Daenerys didn't get enough snacks, and a bunch of White Walkers start eating everyone's flesh. Back in Pawnee: Ron sinks into a single-malt depression, questioning his craftsmanship/purpose.. He retreats to Brandi Maxxxx's newest brothel. Leslie presides over the Sma City Council, where she accuses Jerry of sabotage. His punishment: He must piggy Ben recognizes the Thrones takeover and insists Andy is the one true Hodor. Tom bribes the Sun to report that his "Jerry-Rig" is the latest "throwback slave couture." Rent-A-Swag is immediately shut down back handicapped lom. Meanwhile, Joffrey goes to Hodor to apply for a crossbow license Joffrey, confused: "So I can't get The episode climaxes at Jean Ralphio's funeral, kicked off by Mona Lisa's twincest-laden eulogy. The Avian Society mercifully interrupts her with what Ron saw before: THE TAMMY WALKER, a Two-Headed Ice- Tammy riding a rotting Li'l Sebastian. Ben prays for a Thronesian miracle and a flaming yardstick careens into Jamm's (surprisingly flammable) afro Cut to Donna, thumbs-up. Everything burns fast-but the Tammy rises from the ashes..right as Ann and her Pigeon Fleet emerge from the Eagle- ton Highlands, raining down a majestic s-storm, extinguishing her for good. Joffrey storms out. "Dammit, Hodor, to the camera: "Man, that Act 3 Daenerys loses the vote 300-1. Things look bleak. Then her dragons fly around the room and set everyone on fire. She takes another vote and Daenerys, to the camera: "You can accomplish anything with good ol'-fashioned hard work. And three Joffrey is bummed that he can't use his crossbow. Then he remem bers that he's a sadistic sociopath and has everyone murdered and puts Hodor's head on a spike. But in a funny way The gang buries Jean-Ralphio's tastefully swagged halves, each in its own custom Swanson casket. Credits: Chris admits he's a eunuch by KAGAN McLEOD May 3, 2013 EW.COM 55 <p><a class="tumblr_blog" href="http://jennception.tumblr.com/post/48984480969/game-of-thrones-parks-and-recreation-crossover">jennception</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><small>Game of Thrones &amp; Parks and Recreation Crossover in Entertainment Weekly (05-03-13)</small></p> </blockquote>
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