🔥 Popular | Latest

Bodies , Chipotle, and Girl Scouts: PS Products A 10 PS Products Knuckle Blaster is a 950,000V Stun Gun with Batteries & Magnetic Leather Holster ea List Price: $69.99 Price: $62.54 Victory! By tdoog- May 5, 2013 I purchased this after I was confronted by punks demanding that I hand over my money. I'm a relatively fit guy, but I was no match for them. That is when I realized that I need to protect myself. The day after I bought this product I went to the very same Wal-Mart parking lot when I was first mugged. I approached the group of hooligans standing outside the entrance, concealing my secret weapon. some I cooly asked "Remember me?" One of them looked up and said, "Have you com back to buy some Samoas or Thin Mints? My Gi Scout Troop needs to raise more money!" I replied with "you're not taking my money this time". "But sir, they're delicious!", she said. I whipped out my Knuckle Blaster Stun Gun hand and shouted "WRONG MOVE B****" The five giri scouts ran away screaming. As I pounded my chest in victory, I accidentally activated the stun gun and applied 950,000 Volts to my right nipple. I woke up 4 hours later to the sound of heavy footsteps. Those Girl Scouts had brought their fathers. But I was ready. I lunged at the largest one with a cry of "RAGGLE FRAGGLE!!!" and hit him in the stomach. He hit the ground harder than a fat kid on a jungle gym. As the others began to circle around me,I changed techniques. Holding both of my hands in tight fists, I rased my arms to my sides and initiated the helicopter spin. They all backed off, fearing my impressive RPM. After a while I started getting dizzy, and one of the fathers decided to try to tackle me. As he ran to me stood there, dizzy and queasy; time was going real slow. Then I remembered. I had eaten lunch at Chipotle and the burrito was fighting its way back up my stomach. I tuned toward my enemy and launched a stream of projectile vomit at him, knocking him to the ground. Then I started singing "Let the bodies hit the floor, let the bodies hit the floor, let the bodies hit the.... FLOOO00RRR!!!" I grabbed my Knuckle Blasher Stun Gun and shoved it into my mouth, running headfirst at my foes, electrocuting them with my teeth. Eventually they were all unconscious, and I walked home victorious. 2,144 of 2,383 people found this review helpful worth the read
Save
Beard, Clothes, and Head: 0134 %D21:58 02-UK e Today 21:28 Congratulations on matching with Tom please select your response: Cheesy pick up line 2. Interesting fact 3. an honest compliment 4. Start a text RPG 4 You leave your cabin the woods with little more than the clothes on you back a small bag and your simple steel dagger you see 3 paths in from of you: 1. The path into the woods. 2. The path down to the river 3. The path up the mountain The path follows the river until it gets to an old decrepit wooden bridge. You decide to: 1. chance crossing the bridge. 2. Continue down the path. 3. Stop to fish. & You stand in the water and stab your sword randomly into the river. The fish do not seem impressed. As you contimplate your life descisions you hear footsteps in the water behind you. run away 2. Turn around and draw your sword 3. Dive into the water Without looking you dive straight into the deeper parts of the river. It's much colder than you expected and youre swept away by the strong current. You just manage to surface and keep your head above water. 1. Swim towards the Riverbank 2. Accept your fate 1 You manage to get to the edge of the bank and grab onto a rock, you use the last of your strength to pull yourself out of the freezing river, your frostbitten limbs barely working You lay face down on the grass by the river, as you slowly loose conciousness and everything fades to black... when you wake up you hear the sound of horse shoes clopping and the sound of wooden wheels hitting rocks. When your eyes start working agian you see that your in the back of a horse drawn wagon. You see a man sat opposite you in handcuffs, with long blonde hair and a messy beard. He notices you're awake and says: "Hey you, you're finally awake. You were trying to cross the border right? Walked right into that Imperial ambush same as us and that thief over there"
Save
Beard, Clothes, and Head: RI#01 34%1021 :58 Today 21:28 Congratulations on matching with Tom please select your response 1. Cheesy pick up line 2. Interesting fact 3. an honest compliment 4. Start a text RPG 4 You leave your cabin the woods with little more than the clothes on you back a small bag and your simple steel dagger you see 3 paths in from of you: 1. The path into the woods. 2. The path down to the river 3. The path up the mountairn 2 The path follows the river until it gets to an old decrepit wooden bridge. You decide to 1. chance crossing the bridge 2. Continue down the path 3. Stop to fish 3 You stand in the water and stab your sword randomly into the river. The fish do not seem impressed. As you contimplate your life descisions you hear footsteps in the water behind you 1. run away 2. Turn around and draw your sword 3. Dive into the water 3 Without looking you dive straight into the deeper parts of the river. It's much colder than you expected and youre swept away by the strong current. You just manage to surface and keep your head above water 1. Swim towards the Riverbank 2. Accept your fate You manage to get to the edge of the bank and grab onto a rock, you use the last of your strength to pull yourseltf out of the freezing river, your frostbitten limbs barely working You lay face down on the grass by the river, as you slowly loose conciousness and everything fades to black when you wake up you hear the sound of horse shoes clopping and the sound of wooden wheels hitting rocks When your eyes start working agian you see that your in the back of a horse drawn wagon. You see a man sat opposite you in handcuffs, with long blonde hair and a messy beard. He notices you're awake and says Hey you, you're finally awake You were trying to cross the border right? Walked right into that Imperial ambush same as us and that thief over there" Tinder RPG

Tinder RPG

Save
Beard, Clothes, and Dank: RI#01 34%1021 :58 Today 21:28 Congratulations on matching with Tom please select your response 1. Cheesy pick up line 2. Interesting fact 3. an honest compliment 4. Start a text RPG 4 You leave your cabin the woods with little more than the clothes on you back a small bag and your simple steel dagger you see 3 paths in from of you: 1. The path into the woods. 2. The path down to the river 3. The path up the mountairn 2 The path follows the river until it gets to an old decrepit wooden bridge. You decide to 1. chance crossing the bridge 2. Continue down the path 3. Stop to fish 3 You stand in the water and stab your sword randomly into the river. The fish do not seem impressed. As you contimplate your life descisions you hear footsteps in the water behind you 1. run away 2. Turn around and draw your sword 3. Dive into the water 3 Without looking you dive straight into the deeper parts of the river. It's much colder than you expected and youre swept away by the strong current. You just manage to surface and keep your head above water 1. Swim towards the Riverbank 2. Accept your fate You manage to get to the edge of the bank and grab onto a rock, you use the last of your strength to pull yourseltf out of the freezing river, your frostbitten limbs barely working You lay face down on the grass by the river, as you slowly loose conciousness and everything fades to black when you wake up you hear the sound of horse shoes clopping and the sound of wooden wheels hitting rocks When your eyes start working agian you see that your in the back of a horse drawn wagon. You see a man sat opposite you in handcuffs, with long blonde hair and a messy beard. He notices you're awake and says Hey you, you're finally awake You were trying to cross the border right? Walked right into that Imperial ambush same as us and that thief over there" Tinder RPG by DannyHallam MORE MEMES

Tinder RPG by DannyHallam MORE MEMES

Save
Bubba, Clock, and Crying: writing-prompt-s You're in charge of assigning every child on Earth the monster under their bed One child in particular has caused every monster assigned to him/her to quit. You decide to assign yourself. kittenwiskers Case: #273402 Status: Disastrous I stare at the file and realize I have no options, over the last 2 years every monster assigned to Charlotte Dower has quit, every last one. Her first monster; a giant goldfish-faced humanoid named Bubba, had been with her for four years and then she wasn't scared of him anymore. After that it was a string of different common, uncommon, and rare monsters... I even assigned a sentient sock monster to her. He came back crying I look on my tablet, only one assignable monster left; myself. Field work has never been my cup of tea, but desperate times call for desperate measures. So at 8:03 pm, after Mrs. Gideon tucks in Charlotte and her little brother Daniel; I slither into the space beneath Charlotte's bed Across the room underneath Daniel's crib is a rookie, Chico, a standard Creep kind of monster. I turn my attention to the bed above me, Charlotte is still awake but barely, reach up over the bed and run an ice cold finger over her cheek, silence, so I do it again "I'm not afraid of you monster!" She whispers, but her voice is shaking. I can see a small clock on the wall 8:14, a door somewhere in the house slams and there is an audible hitch of breath from above me. A few minutes go by I can hear Francis Gideon yelling at his wife. There are heavy footsteps on the stairs, and loud panting breaths, Charlotte scrambles off the bed and.. She. CRAWLS. Under. The. Bed. With Me. "Move. Over!" Charlotte hisses at me. I The door to the bedroom slams open and I smell the stench of human intoxicants before the man even steps inside. I know why Charlotte isn't afraid of any of my monsters; she's afraid of her own. Francis reaches a hand under the bed and I thrust my wrist into it, he starts to pull, I slither out. "What the... I cut Francis's next words off by unfolding to my full 12 foot height. Looming over the drunken man I caress my cold fingers down his face. "If you ever touch, scare, or harm my child again, I will find you, and I will do the same to you, for all eternity." I promise to him As Francis runs from the room he soils himself. I pull Charlotte from under the bed, tuck her back under her covers and kiss her forehead goodnight. "l'll be back tomorrow night, sleep well darling." Charlotte Dower is my child, I am the monster under her bed funny.C awesomacious: A greatly written story

awesomacious: A greatly written story

Save
Beard, Clothes, and Head: RI*034% 02-UK 21:58 Today 21:28 Congratulations on matching with Tom please select your response 1. Cheesy pick up line 2. Interesting fact 3. an honest compliment 4. Start a text RPG 4 You leave your cabin the woods with little more than the clothes on you back a small bag and your simple steel dagger you see 3 paths in from of you: 1. The path into the woods. 2. The path down to the river 3. The path up the mountairn 2 The path follows the river until it gets to an old decrepit wooden bridge. You decide to 1. chance crossing the bridge 2. Continue down the path 3. Stop to fish 3 You stand in the water and stab your sword randomly into the river. The fish do not seem impressed. As you contimplate your life descisions you hear footsteps in the water behind you. 1. run away 2. Turn around and draw your sword 3. Dive into the water 3 Without looking you dive straight into the deeper parts of the river. It's much colder than you expected and youre swept away by the strong current. You just manage to surface and keep your head above water 1. Swim towards the Riverbank 2. Accept your fate You manage to get to the edge of the bank and grab onto a rock, you use the last of your strength to pull yourseltf out of the freezing river, your frostbitten limbs barely working You lay face down on the grass by the river, as you slowly loose conciousness and everything fades to black.. when you wake up you hear the sound of horse shoes clopping and the sound of wooden wheels hitting rocks. When your eyes start working agian you see that your in the back of a horse drawn wagon. You see a man sat opposite you in handcuffs, with long blonde hair and a messy beard. He notices you're awake and says Hey you, you're finaly awake You were trying to cross the border right? Walked right into that Imperial ambush same as us and that thief over there" Tinder RPG

Tinder RPG

Save
Bubba, Clock, and Crying: writing-prompt-s You're in charge of assigning every child on Earth the monster under their bed One child in particular has caused every monster assigned to him/her to quit. You decide to assign yourself. kittenwiskers Case: #273402 Status: Disastrous I stare at the file and realize I have no options, over the last 2 years every monster assigned to Charlotte Dower has quit, every last one. Her first monster; a giant goldfish-faced humanoid named Bubba, had been with her for four years and then she wasn't scared of him anymore. After that it was a string of different common, uncommon, and rare monsters... I even assigned a sentient sock monster to her. He came back crying I look on my tablet, only one assignable monster left; myself. Field work has never been my cup of tea, but desperate times call for desperate measures. So at 8:03 pm, after Mrs. Gideon tucks in Charlotte and her little brother Daniel; I slither into the space beneath Charlotte's bed Across the room underneath Daniel's crib is a rookie, Chico, a standard Creep kind of monster. I turn my attention to the bed above me, Charlotte is still awake but barely, reach up over the bed and run an ice cold finger over her cheek, silence, so I do it again "I'm not afraid of you monster!" She whispers, but her voice is shaking. I can see a small clock on the wall 8:14, a door somewhere in the house slams and there is an audible hitch of breath from above me. A few minutes go by I can hear Francis Gideon yelling at his wife. There are heavy footsteps on the stairs, and loud panting breaths, Charlotte scrambles off the bed and.. She. CRAWLS. Under. The. Bed. With Me. "Move. Over!" Charlotte hisses at me. I The door to the bedroom slams open and I smell the stench of human intoxicants before the man even steps inside. I know why Charlotte isn't afraid of any of my monsters; she's afraid of her own. Francis reaches a hand under the bed and I thrust my wrist into it, he starts to pull, I slither out. "What the... I cut Francis's next words off by unfolding to my full 12 foot height. Looming over the drunken man I caress my cold fingers down his face. "If you ever touch, scare, or harm my child again, I will find you, and I will do the same to you, for all eternity." I promise to him As Francis runs from the room he soils himself. I pull Charlotte from under the bed, tuck her back under her covers and kiss her forehead goodnight. "l'll be back tomorrow night, sleep well darling." Charlotte Dower is my child, I am the monster under her bed funny.C awesomacious: A greatly written story

awesomacious: A greatly written story

Save
Bubba, Clock, and Crying: writing-prompt-s You're in charge of assigning every child on Earth the monster under their bed One child in particular has caused every monster assigned to him/her to quit. You decide to assign yourself. kittenwiskers Case: #273402 Status: Disastrous I stare at the file and realize I have no options, over the last 2 years every monster assigned to Charlotte Dower has quit, every last one. Her first monster; a giant goldfish-faced humanoid named Bubba, had been with her for four years and then she wasn't scared of him anymore. After that it was a string of different common, uncommon, and rare monsters... I even assigned a sentient sock monster to her. He came back crying I look on my tablet, only one assignable monster left; myself. Field work has never been my cup of tea, but desperate times call for desperate measures. So at 8:03 pm, after Mrs. Gideon tucks in Charlotte and her little brother Daniel; I slither into the space beneath Charlotte's bed Across the room underneath Daniel's crib is a rookie, Chico, a standard Creep kind of monster. I turn my attention to the bed above me, Charlotte is still awake but barely, reach up over the bed and run an ice cold finger over her cheek, silence, so I do it again "I'm not afraid of you monster!" She whispers, but her voice is shaking. I can see a small clock on the wall 8:14, a door somewhere in the house slams and there is an audible hitch of breath from above me. A few minutes go by I can hear Francis Gideon yelling at his wife. There are heavy footsteps on the stairs, and loud panting breaths, Charlotte scrambles off the bed and.. She. CRAWLS. Under. The. Bed. With Me. "Move. Over!" Charlotte hisses at me. I The door to the bedroom slams open and I smell the stench of human intoxicants before the man even steps inside. I know why Charlotte isn't afraid of any of my monsters; she's afraid of her own. Francis reaches a hand under the bed and I thrust my wrist into it, he starts to pull, I slither out. "What the... I cut Francis's next words off by unfolding to my full 12 foot height. Looming over the drunken man I caress my cold fingers down his face. "If you ever touch, scare, or harm my child again, I will find you, and I will do the same to you, for all eternity." I promise to him As Francis runs from the room he soils himself. I pull Charlotte from under the bed, tuck her back under her covers and kiss her forehead goodnight. "l'll be back tomorrow night, sleep well darling." Charlotte Dower is my child, I am the monster under her bed funny.C A greatly written story

A greatly written story

Save
Target, Tumblr, and Blog: dappermouth:After nightfall, padded footsteps softly pace down every hall.

dappermouth:After nightfall, padded footsteps softly pace down every hall.

Save
Ass, Beer, and Condom: 41 .d 70% 1:17 AM Saturday 1140 PM all i want to know is if that pic is photoshopped oh fuck wait the rest of them are i didn't even notice that Or maybe l actually died in a selfie related shark attack In 2018 anything's possible fr tho you got some quality photoshop skills Though my usual Tinder claim to fame is my poetry writing Gimme a format pick between Shakespearean sonnet or Dr Seuss poem and then l'd need a topic oh shit seuss for sure write aboutittt stupid frat boys Today 1:13 AM At Who University's campus downtown, studious students awaited sundown For during the day they're the learning ish sort. but after night fell? Watch Fraternity At Sigma Ki Kappa Phi Epsilon Nu a Vineyard-Vine chino store stepped into view A stack of red cups looming tall on his the Cat in the Frat prowled for Whogirls He saw a lone girl and assessed her cup size and then, in this order, gawked ass, chest and eyes He waltzed in on over and offered her and said "come with me, oh the places you'll cum! They snuck to a bedroom and passed Mister Grinch whose hazing machine dragged six pledges by winch. Its arms and its knobs fed the pledges and doubly increased their fraternity Just by the hazing in haze of his own, the Lorax sat still undeniably stoned. A pledge wandered up.. 'there's something I need. The Lorax did smile: 1 speak for the We ve got Xannys and Mollys and cocaine galore and ketamine, mushrooms and DMT-4 There's indicas, indigos, everywhich and every eigth bought, have a free hit of speed Horton popped pills called Pill 1 and Pill and then followed up with Pill Red and Pill Blue His world washed away as he tripped for three hours hearing small voices that spoke from puff fiowers. The Cat in the Frat roled off well what's-her-name and let her slip out with red visible He looked at his sheets and saw stains left by beer, and thought should I was them? Oh, maybe next year He'd wanted a girl from each stop on Srat Row with Ki Frappa Sig down just five more to go, He put back the condom he told her he'd wear And then set on foot for the cleanup The party had ended and Whos had gone home, with red cup footsteps creaking sticky beer foam Sprawled on the floor was that poor Sam I Am, and someone's puked-up rancid green eggs and ham. The Cat in the Frat called the cleaning which rolled and ka-sputtered its way through the scene Its arms and gloved hands dusted swept, and wipe dried and even did know to turn Sam on his At Sigma Ki Kappa Phi Epsilon Nu, The party lifecycle began thus anew. Tuesday was done and yet Wednesday drew near... The Cat had to run and go buy some more beer THAT WAS FUCKING AMAZING OH MY FUCKINF GOD I LVOE YOU Type a message Frat Life
Save
Bubba, Clock, and Crying: writing-prompt-s You're in charge of assigning every child on Earth the monster under their bed. One child in particular has caused every monster assigned to him/her to quit. You decide to assign yourself. kittenwiskers Case: #273402 Status: Disastrous. I stare at the file and realize I have no options, over the last 2 years every monster assigned to Charlotte Dower has quit, every last one. Her first monster; a giant goldfish-faced humanoid named Bubba, had been with her for four years and then she wasn't scared of him anymore. After that it was a string of different common, uncommon, and rare monsters... I even assigned a sentient sock monster to her. He came back crying! I look on my tablet, only one assignable monster left; myself. Field work has never been my cup of tea, but desperate times call for desperate measures. So at 8:03 pm, after Mrs. Gideon tucks in Charlotte and her little brother Daniel; I slither into the space beneath Charlotte's bed Across the room underneath Daniel's crib is a rookie, Chico, a standard Creep kind of monster. I turn my attention to the bed above me, Charlotte is still awake but barely, I reach up over the bed and run an ice cold finger over her cheek, silence, so I do it gain. "I'm not afraid of you monster!" She whispers, but her voice is shaking. I can see a small clock on the wall 8:14, a door somewhere in the house slams and there is an audible hitch of breath from above me. A few minutes go by I can hear Francis Gideon yelling at his wife. There are heavy footsteps on the stairs, and loud panting breaths, Charlotte scrambles off the bed and... She. CRAWLS. Under. The. Bed. With. Me. "Move. Over!" Charlotte hisses at me.I do. The door to the bedroom slams open and I smell the stench of human intoxicants before the man even steps inside. I know why Charlotte isn't afraid of any of my monsters; she's afraid of her own. Francis reaches a hand under the bed and I thrust my wrist into it, he starts to pull, I slither out. "What the..." I cut Francis's next words off by unfolding to my full 12 foot height. Looming over the drunken man I caress my cold fingers down his face. "If you ever touch, scare, or harm my child again, I will find you, and I will do the same to you, for all eternity." I promise to him. As Francis runs from the room he soils himself. I pull Charlotte from under the bed, tuck her back under her covers and kiss her forehead goodnight. "I'll be back tomorrow night, sleep well darling." Charlotte Dower is my child, I am the monster under her bed. The Monster Under the Bed

The Monster Under the Bed

Save