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Amazon, Complex, and Jeff Bezos: Dazed Jeff Bezos Realizes He Spent Entire Conversation Thinking About How To Automate Person Talking To Him theonion: SEATTLE—Suddenly snapping back to attention, a dazed Jeff Bezos reportedly realized Thursday that he had spent an entire conversation thinking about how to automate the person talking to him. “Sorry, could you repeat that? I just lost focus for a second [as I indifferently watched you open and close your mouth, becoming increasingly aware of the fact that a simple machine could do the exact same things as you],” Bezos said to the Amazon vice president in front of him, even as he resumed brainstorming a complex algorithm that would streamline the executive’s duties, perform them with greater speed and efficiency, and possibly even capture some of his unique human qualities to make it user-friendly. “Whoops, there I go again. I must’ve spaced out [after realizing I could probably render you completely irrelevant within just a few years]. I guess I’m really distracted today [by the tantalizing thought of an automaton executing every one of your relevant functions for no salary with never a single complaint].” Bezos, who suddenly recalled a series of vivid dreams from the previous night in which he automated the entire American workforce, went on to apologize for not getting much sleep.

theonion: SEATTLE—Suddenly snapping back to attention, a dazed Jeff Bezos reportedly realized Thursday that he had spent an entire conversa...

Bad, Beard, and Comfortable: nOrma1-people-sxare-me A group of rough looking boys walked past me today and all I heard of their conversation was "he's got that anxiety disorder bro so I went with him so he'd be more comfortable" and it made me realise the world isn't all that bad fitzefitcher #this is team skull its-just-a-phage The pet store I worked at had a pen with rabbits near the front door. On every side of the pen were huge signs saying "You can pet me, but don't pick me up!" One day two absolutely huge guys came in and one immediately reaches into the pen to grab a rabbit. Before i could say anything his friend grabbed his arm and asked him "did you see the sign?" He said "yeah! it says that you can pick them up but don't pet them!" Then he went quiet for a moment and softly said "I didn't read it right did I?" And his friend just puts his arm on his shoulder and said "its ok, i know you've got that thing where words get mixed up. Let just pet these cute lil shits" And I still haven't gotten over that interaction. flowernstt I was walking my dog through Boston bc he likes the likes car rides. He's a little thing tbh we call him short and long So this huge scary man with a full beard approaches me like "hey can my buddy and I pet your dog? He gets nervous around dogs but your's is so small I think it's a good place to start." Ofc I was like "yes he's very friendly!" So this guy brings his equally big friend over and they sit on the floor while this man looks terrified of my tiny dog so big man number one asks "canl pick him up?" And i say yes so he picks him up and puts him on man number two's lap and man number two is abt to freak out and his friend straight up just goes "hey man, it's okay just relax I'd never let anything hurt you. He'sa good boy." I'll never forget it ever bcI know that man looked at me (5'3, glasses, probably wearing a sweater vest) and my dog (kinda goofy looking little thing) and was like 'ah ves the two least intimidating living things I've seen in Boston all day he'll feel relaxed around them and went out of his way to help his friend. It makes me so happy wholesome stories
Bad, Beard, and Comfortable: nOrma1-people-sxare-me A group of rough looking boys walked past me today and all I heard of their conversation was "he's got that anxiety disorder bro so I went with him so he'd be more comfortable" and it made me realise the world isn't all that bad fitzefitcher #this is team skull its-just-a-phage The pet store I worked at had a pen with rabbits near the front door. On every side of the pen were huge signs saying "You can pet me, but don't pick me up!" One day two absolutely huge guys came in and one immediately reaches into the pen to grab a rabbit. Before i could say anything his friend grabbed his arm and asked him "did you see the sign?" He said "yeah! it says that you can pick them up but don't pet them!" Then he went quiet for a moment and softly said "I didn't read it right did I?" And his friend just puts his arm on his shoulder and said "its ok, i know you've got that thing where words get mixed up. Let just pet these cute lil shits" And I still haven't gotten over that interaction. flowernstt I was walking my dog through Boston bc he likes the likes car rides. He's a little thing tbh we call him short and long So this huge scary man with a full beard approaches me like "hey can my buddy and I pet your dog? He gets nervous around dogs but your's is so small I think it's a good place to start." Ofc I was like "yes he's very friendly!" So this guy brings his equally big friend over and they sit on the floor while this man looks terrified of my tiny dog so big man number one asks "canl pick him up?" And i say yes so he picks him up and puts him on man number two's lap and man number two is abt to freak out and his friend straight up just goes "hey man, it's okay just relax I'd never let anything hurt you. He'sa good boy." I'll never forget it ever bcI know that man looked at me (5'3, glasses, probably wearing a sweater vest) and my dog (kinda goofy looking little thing) and was like 'ah ves the two least intimidating living things I've seen in Boston all day he'll feel relaxed around them and went out of his way to help his friend. It makes me so happy Wholesome interactions via /r/wholesomememes https://ift.tt/2G2Zsb9