Jake Likes Onions
Jake Likes Onions

Jake Likes Onions

The
The

The

neighbor
 neighbor

neighbor

coat
 coat

coat

ghosting
ghosting

ghosting

jake
jake

jake

vegans
vegans

vegans

ghosted
ghosted

ghosted

so cold
so cold

so cold

the keys
the keys

the keys

🔥 | Latest

80s, Bless Up, and Clock: Meet Eddie, the Hospital Therapy Dog who is always carrying around his bookbag of toys and can always be found in the Pediatric Intensive Care Unit @DrSmashlove Reddit u/Stuffy Unicorn Part 2 (see previous post for Part 1): He’d leap out of his truck wearing overalls and construction boots and a trucker cap - not Ed Hardy but a real one, an unironic one lol. And he look like Tom Brady in the face but he burly like Tom Hardy. And he got no shirt under the overalls just manly. And my girl like “Aren’t you cold?” And in a syrupy southern drawl he say “mayam - I werked one year as longshoreman in Alasker. One tam - my toes done froze off, lost two. But I survaved. An I don’t git cold no mowar. 🤠” He reach under the steering wheel, pop the hood, walk around, flicks it open, props it up with only his arm, grab wiper fluid out of the bed of his truck which also houses a deer he just shot, opens it with his mouth, pours the fluid, replaces the cap. I’m in awe. My girl even more in awe. He grab a blanket out of his truck and wrap up my girl and he like “just makin sure yer old lady’s warm, sir 😌. Would yall lak to come to my home for some deer steaks before continuing yer journey?” And I’m like “wow what a gracious offer u know what MSNBC and CNN are wrong about y’all, rednecks are amazing people” and just then. Right then. My girl hop out the whip. I’m like “WOMAN! IT’S SNOWING?” And she like “you don’t want steak then suit yourself I’M HUNGRY. We could have stopped at Ponderosa like I asked but you said we almost home WELL SMASH WE AIN’T.” And with that she retreat to the redneck’s truck. “But baby,” I said. “We got a nice home. Like the republican Family in Strangers things 😥.” “That might be true” she say “but money can’t buy happiness.” And just like that they ride off in the sunset. People always say “I was born in the wrong era.” BIH! NOT ME! In the 80s u could lose ya girl over wiper fluid! I’m not handy but I know how a Neapolitan suit should fit in the shoulder and how to tastefully appoint a living room with Eames chairs and Mies van der Rohe bench but still make it vibe with heirloom pieces like a grandfather clock! Bish I’m aesthetic asf! I was raised with sisters! And it’s ladies who, combined with my wondrous tung and pipe game, and my brand of earnest empathy, accept my type of manliness lol! Thank you God!! Bless up! 😂😂😂
80s, Bless Up, and Clock: Meet Eddie, the Hospital Therapy Dog who
 is always carrying around his bookbag of
 toys and can always be found in the
 Pediatric Intensive Care Unit
 @DrSmashlove
 Reddit u/Stuffy Unicorn
Part 2 (see previous post for Part 1): He’d leap out of his truck wearing overalls and construction boots and a trucker cap - not Ed Hardy but a real one, an unironic one lol. And he look like Tom Brady in the face but he burly like Tom Hardy. And he got no shirt under the overalls just manly. And my girl like “Aren’t you cold?” And in a syrupy southern drawl he say “mayam - I werked one year as longshoreman in Alasker. One tam - my toes done froze off, lost two. But I survaved. An I don’t git cold no mowar. 🤠” He reach under the steering wheel, pop the hood, walk around, flicks it open, props it up with only his arm, grab wiper fluid out of the bed of his truck which also houses a deer he just shot, opens it with his mouth, pours the fluid, replaces the cap. I’m in awe. My girl even more in awe. He grab a blanket out of his truck and wrap up my girl and he like “just makin sure yer old lady’s warm, sir 😌. Would yall lak to come to my home for some deer steaks before continuing yer journey?” And I’m like “wow what a gracious offer u know what MSNBC and CNN are wrong about y’all, rednecks are amazing people” and just then. Right then. My girl hop out the whip. I’m like “WOMAN! IT’S SNOWING?” And she like “you don’t want steak then suit yourself I’M HUNGRY. We could have stopped at Ponderosa like I asked but you said we almost home WELL SMASH WE AIN’T.” And with that she retreat to the redneck’s truck. “But baby,” I said. “We got a nice home. Like the republican Family in Strangers things 😥.” “That might be true” she say “but money can’t buy happiness.” And just like that they ride off in the sunset. People always say “I was born in the wrong era.” BIH! NOT ME! In the 80s u could lose ya girl over wiper fluid! I’m not handy but I know how a Neapolitan suit should fit in the shoulder and how to tastefully appoint a living room with Eames chairs and Mies van der Rohe bench but still make it vibe with heirloom pieces like a grandfather clock! Bish I’m aesthetic asf! I was raised with sisters! And it’s ladies who, combined with my wondrous tung and pipe game, and my brand of earnest empathy, accept my type of manliness lol! Thank you God!! Bless up! 😂😂😂

Part 2 (see previous post for Part 1): He’d leap out of his truck wearing overalls and construction boots and a trucker cap - not Ed Hardy b...

Be Like, Bless Up, and Chicago: Waiting to surprise my SO with this little nugget when she gets home from work. Reddit u/belatedpajamas @DrSmashlove Now people always wanna be like “wow how do you live in Chicago”, “damn smash Chicago is cold asf why not Miami”, “wow Chicago is big cold yuck.” OKAY. DUH. NOBODY SAYING IT’S WARM LOL. But the cold got benefits. For one, it make the holidays pretty. I don’t celebrate Christmas but all the pretty lights and snowflakes bruv that make me feel like I’m in a quaint, adorable little English village. On some “Cheerio chap! Yes very good govvenah! BRIYYANT!” 😂 U feel me? Heritage. Not my heritage - but somebody heritage lol! Fireplaces. Cozy lil fires. U feel me? Seasons. Now it’s also downsides. I keep water bottles in my car and them bottles freeze. No bueno asf. But a HALF FROZE bottle is a come up! If u catch it at the right point in the freeze life cycle it develop a water PP column right up the middle that osmularicizes coldness through water you pour into the bottle it and freezes it to the optimal gym water temp. Boom. One sip and u transported to the mountains of Norway bruv. U thirsty. U been walking for days. U come upon a comely Norwegian birb with a gaggle of aggressive huskies barking at u. U like “Ok these huskies don’t like my kind lmao RIP to me it was real”. She opens her mouth and whispers: “Jeg kan se din PP-utskrift gjennom din overcoat” (“I can see your PP print through your overcoat”). And then u like “aye short blond hair on white girls is sexy ol McCaulay Culkin Justin Bieber with a fatty lookin a$$ PAUSE.” And she like “come. Drink.” And she open her shroud which is made from a single uncut bison skin and she bare nekky and she put my head against her heart and pour water into my mouth like I’m her bb and I’m like “wow Scandinavians are wild but I love it.” That’s how soothing that half frozen ice PP water bottle taste bruv. Anyway then she fall in love with me and ask me to live among her people and I’m like “Jeg er her for en god stund, ikke lenge, du vet jeg” (“I'm here for a good time not a long time, you know **I**”). And she shed a single tear and I pet the huskies and depart homeward. BOTTOM LINE THAT HALF FROZEN WATER BOTTLE IS A GYM BLESSING BLESS UP 😍😂😂😂
Be Like, Bless Up, and Chicago: Waiting to surprise my SO with this
 little nugget when she gets home
 from work.
 Reddit u/belatedpajamas
 @DrSmashlove
Now people always wanna be like “wow how do you live in Chicago”, “damn smash Chicago is cold asf why not Miami”, “wow Chicago is big cold yuck.” OKAY. DUH. NOBODY SAYING IT’S WARM LOL. But the cold got benefits. For one, it make the holidays pretty. I don’t celebrate Christmas but all the pretty lights and snowflakes bruv that make me feel like I’m in a quaint, adorable little English village. On some “Cheerio chap! Yes very good govvenah! BRIYYANT!” 😂 U feel me? Heritage. Not my heritage - but somebody heritage lol! Fireplaces. Cozy lil fires. U feel me? Seasons. Now it’s also downsides. I keep water bottles in my car and them bottles freeze. No bueno asf. But a HALF FROZE bottle is a come up! If u catch it at the right point in the freeze life cycle it develop a water PP column right up the middle that osmularicizes coldness through water you pour into the bottle it and freezes it to the optimal gym water temp. Boom. One sip and u transported to the mountains of Norway bruv. U thirsty. U been walking for days. U come upon a comely Norwegian birb with a gaggle of aggressive huskies barking at u. U like “Ok these huskies don’t like my kind lmao RIP to me it was real”. She opens her mouth and whispers: “Jeg kan se din PP-utskrift gjennom din overcoat” (“I can see your PP print through your overcoat”). And then u like “aye short blond hair on white girls is sexy ol McCaulay Culkin Justin Bieber with a fatty lookin a$$ PAUSE.” And she like “come. Drink.” And she open her shroud which is made from a single uncut bison skin and she bare nekky and she put my head against her heart and pour water into my mouth like I’m her bb and I’m like “wow Scandinavians are wild but I love it.” That’s how soothing that half frozen ice PP water bottle taste bruv. Anyway then she fall in love with me and ask me to live among her people and I’m like “Jeg er her for en god stund, ikke lenge, du vet jeg” (“I'm here for a good time not a long time, you know **I**”). And she shed a single tear and I pet the huskies and depart homeward. BOTTOM LINE THAT HALF FROZEN WATER BOTTLE IS A GYM BLESSING BLESS UP 😍😂😂😂

Now people always wanna be like “wow how do you live in Chicago”, “damn smash Chicago is cold asf why not Miami”, “wow Chicago is big cold y...

Bad, Candy, and Charlie: @GUNNERSELLWHITE i'll drop kick this nigga if he come to my door asking for candy Ryan Fournier @RyanAFournier Guess who he is for Halloween! [Intro: Roadman Shaq & Charlie Sloth] Are you ready for this G, yeah? C'mon, man, I was born ready and dat Okay, aight, boom Big Shaq, hold tight, Asnee Scoopnum, ratnum, oosna Hold tight the girl-dem as well, boom [Verse 1: Roadman Shaq] Two plus two is four, minus one that's three, quick maths Everyday man's on the block, smoke trees See your girl in the park, that girl is a uckers When the ting went quack-quack-quack, you man were ducking Hold tight, Asnee, he's got the pumpy Hold tight, my man, he's got the frisbee I trap, trap, trap on the road, movin' that cornflakes Rice Krispie, hold tight, my girl Whitney (perfect) On the road doin' ten toes, like my toes You man thought I froze, I see a peng girl, then I pose If she's not on it, I ghost, hah, look at your nose What? You dickhead! Look at your nose Nose long like garden hose, shhh, you get me? [Interlude: Roadman Shaq & Charlie Sloth] Boom, man's gonna come back in (yeah, yeah) You know like that? (yeah, yeah, yeah) You're feelin' that? (yeah, yeah, bad, bad) You dun know, I see you shiverin' and that Don't get shook man's here (aight) You protected-ed, yeah? (aight, let's do it) Aight, boom, let's go, boom [Verse 2: Roadman Shaq] Hop out the four-door with the .44, it was one, two, three and four Chillin' in the corridor, your dad is forty-four And he's still callin' man for a draw, let him know When I see him, I'm gonna spin his jaw Take man's Twix by force, send man shop by force Your girl knows I've got the sauce, no ketchup Just sauce, raw sauce Boom, yo, gah The ting goes skrrrahh, pap, pap, ka-ka-ka Skibiki-pap-pap, and a pu-pu-pudrrrr-boom Skya, du-du-ku-ku-dun-dun Poom, poom You dun know, Big Shaq, ha, yo, yeah-yeah Alright, fire-fire-fire in the booth You get me, man's not hot I tell her man's not hot, hah, cot I tell her man's not hot The girl told me, "Take off your jacket" I said, "Babes, man's not hot" Yo, man can never be hot Perspiration ting, Lynx effect [Outro: Roadman Shaq & Charlie Sloth] Yo, you dun know Dun know, y-you You look a bit shook, Charlie You look a bit hot What's that? Y-y-ya sweating and that again Brudda, man don't make jokes with me, Charlie Aight, aight, aight, c
Bad, Candy, and Charlie: @GUNNERSELLWHITE
 i'll drop kick this nigga if he come to
 my door asking for candy
 Ryan Fournier @RyanAFournier
 Guess who he is for Halloween!
[Intro: Roadman Shaq & Charlie Sloth] Are you ready for this G, yeah? C'mon, man, I was born ready and dat Okay, aight, boom Big Shaq, hold tight, Asnee Scoopnum, ratnum, oosna Hold tight the girl-dem as well, boom [Verse 1: Roadman Shaq] Two plus two is four, minus one that's three, quick maths Everyday man's on the block, smoke trees See your girl in the park, that girl is a uckers When the ting went quack-quack-quack, you man were ducking Hold tight, Asnee, he's got the pumpy Hold tight, my man, he's got the frisbee I trap, trap, trap on the road, movin' that cornflakes Rice Krispie, hold tight, my girl Whitney (perfect) On the road doin' ten toes, like my toes You man thought I froze, I see a peng girl, then I pose If she's not on it, I ghost, hah, look at your nose What? You dickhead! Look at your nose Nose long like garden hose, shhh, you get me? [Interlude: Roadman Shaq & Charlie Sloth] Boom, man's gonna come back in (yeah, yeah) You know like that? (yeah, yeah, yeah) You're feelin' that? (yeah, yeah, bad, bad) You dun know, I see you shiverin' and that Don't get shook man's here (aight) You protected-ed, yeah? (aight, let's do it) Aight, boom, let's go, boom [Verse 2: Roadman Shaq] Hop out the four-door with the .44, it was one, two, three and four Chillin' in the corridor, your dad is forty-four And he's still callin' man for a draw, let him know When I see him, I'm gonna spin his jaw Take man's Twix by force, send man shop by force Your girl knows I've got the sauce, no ketchup Just sauce, raw sauce Boom, yo, gah The ting goes skrrrahh, pap, pap, ka-ka-ka Skibiki-pap-pap, and a pu-pu-pudrrrr-boom Skya, du-du-ku-ku-dun-dun Poom, poom You dun know, Big Shaq, ha, yo, yeah-yeah Alright, fire-fire-fire in the booth You get me, man's not hot I tell her man's not hot, hah, cot I tell her man's not hot The girl told me, "Take off your jacket" I said, "Babes, man's not hot" Yo, man can never be hot Perspiration ting, Lynx effect [Outro: Roadman Shaq & Charlie Sloth] Yo, you dun know Dun know, y-you You look a bit shook, Charlie You look a bit hot What's that? Y-y-ya sweating and that again Brudda, man don't make jokes with me, Charlie Aight, aight, aight, c

[Intro: Roadman Shaq & Charlie Sloth] Are you ready for this G, yeah? C'mon, man, I was born ready and dat Okay, aight, boom Big Shaq, hold ...