Birthday, Comfortable, and Confidence: reddit-tales
What has been your worst
"nice guy" experience?
So, possibly one of the coolest things I've
ever seen. I mean you know how you hear the
"women want him, men want to *be* him"
stuff in old movies? Well I'm a man and by
*god* I wanted to be this guy. Anyway!
I'm having dinner with my girlfriend at
the time, and behind us are a couple on a
not going well. Guy was being
inappropriate comments, the girl doesn't
look at all comfortable.
The girl finishes her appetiser really quickly
my guess is she wanted to get it over with.
Guy proceeds to comment on it and says
"well, least I know you can swallow right?"
Girl goes red and tells him that isn't
appropriate, he literally waves his hand in
a "shoo" type motion and says "oh calm
down I was going to find out in a few hours
I missed her exact re
as she moved to a
hushed tone, but it was fairly obvious what
was being said-fuck no, fuck off, fuck this.
He responded with "sweetheart I picked
colour in her face and said nothing.
No. No. Fuck no. I'm one of those "get
involved" type of people and there is no way
I'm sitting here watching this go down. I get
up. I don't know what I'm going to do, but
I'm 23, fighting fit and happy to put that
motherfucker through a wall. I may have had
a slight temper in my youth. But anyway.
I was halfway out of my chair when a hand
came down on my shoulder and I look up
to this mid-50s but super fit guy who says
"Easy. I've got this one son". Absolute, total
confidence in his voice.. so seeing as my
current plan amounted to "stab him in the
neck" and I'm already thinking maybe that's
not the best idea, I sit down.
He walks over, grabs a nearby chair, flips it
around and sits down with the couple. Then..
he pulls out his police ID and puts it on the
table. Now the guy doesn't have any colour in
Cop: "So, I'm quietly celebrating my
daughters birthday with my family when I
distinctly hear you threaten this young lady,
would you care to explain yourself?"
Guy: "I, ah, well, um, you see.
Cop: "That's what I thought. Now see, we
take a *very* dim view of that kind of thing,
so right now I'm deciding if I want to have
some of my buddies come pick you up"
Guy: "oh no well that..."
Cop: "But that would disrupt everyone's
dinner, so how about you hand me your ID,
me, the dn't want yhe staff here and
settle your bill., the full bill now, this young
lady shouldn't go hungry on account of your
poor behaviour. Or we can go with the first
option, I'll leave it up to you.
Guy: "No no! That's perfectly fine!" 1*hands
over ID, gets up and walks very quickly in the
direction of the counter
Cop: while writing down the guys details
1* "Sorry about that miss, I hope I'm not
intruding it just seemed like you could use
some help. Oh and don't worry, if you want
to pursue this further I'll have some of the
boys pick him up on his way home, we can
definitely take this further.
Girl: "No, thank you so much, I wanted to run
out 30 minutes ago but he drove me here".
Cop: *shifts from hardarse cop to
comforting father figure in about half a
second* "Well I'm here with my daughter,
she's about your age, perhaps you'd like to
finish your meal with us? We can run you
home afterwards if you'd like, unless you'd
prefer to call someone else?"
Girl: "Oh.. that would be really nice.. thankyou
*guy returns, so does the hardarse cop*
Guy: "Uh so, I've paid the bill, if I could have
Cop: "There you go. now I have your details
right here so I *highly* recommend you
don't go near or contact this young lady ever
Guy: "Yes yes of course, I'm so sorry!"
The quy pretty much fled the restaurant, the
qirl went and sat with the cop and his family
and by the time we left they were still sitting
around talking and laughing about random
It was hands down the best way I have ever
seen anybody handle any situation, ever. That
cop is my hero.
Dude. I hope that man has a great rest of his
Wholesome cop via /r/wholesomememes https://ift.tt/2SkCLRT
Alive, Beard, and Children: feniczoroark:
How Do Court Reporters Keep Straight Faces?These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place.ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?WITNESS: He said, ‘Where am I, Cathy?’ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?WITNESS: My name is Susan!_______________________________ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.____________________________________________ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?WITNESS: No, I just lie there.____________________________________________ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?WITNESS: July 18th.ATTORNEY: What year?WITNESS: Every year._____________________________________ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which.ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?WITNESS: Forty-five years._________________________________ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?WITNESS: I forget..ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?___________________________________________ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?____________________________________ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?WITNESS: He’s 20, much like your IQ.___________________________________________ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?WITNESS: Are you shitting me?_________________________________________ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?WITNESS: Getting laid____________________________________________ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: How many were boys?WITNESS: None.ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?____________________________________________ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?WITNESS: By death..ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?WITNESS: Take a guess.___________________________________________ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beardATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I’m going with male._____________________________________ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.______________________________________ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight._________________________________________ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?WITNESS: Oral…_________________________________________ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PMATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.____________________________________________ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?______________________________________And last:ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?WITNESS: No..ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.
oh my god these are great
fuck this is like reading a jokes and not actual quotes
The last one is how I feel about all my schoolmates
I can feel the frustration
Af, Animals, and Bad: thefingerfuckingfemalefury:
#freshly peeled sheeps
reblogging solely for that deeply unnerving caption
FRESHLY PEELED SHEEPS
Fuck this. Does everyone just not see the blood scrapes on some of their backs and faces???!!! Anyone, seriously, correct me if I’m wrong because this is making me upset af
Domesticated sheep need to be sheared because they don’t shed their coats on their own and it can be bad for their health if it gets too big.
Also, it looks considering how close they cut that it went fairly well. I see like 2 nicks maybe, but with the photo it’s hard to tell. I mean, unfortunately, you’re going to nick a few animals because they don’t understand the order of “stand still” very well.
Sheep can die from heat exhaustion if they aren’t sheared.
Also, their skin secretes lanolin, which quickly soothes and heals any nicks they get during shearing.
in conclusion, it is good to peel the sheeps
Please peel your sheeps
They. Look. Like. Peeled. Potatoes
Peel your sheep peeps!
Remember when they found Shrek living in that cave and freed him
he’s smiling in that last one
HE HAS BEEN SAVED
Anyone who has had a lot of hair then got a very close hair cut, that amazing feel of the breeze on your scalp? Imagine that for your whole body.
Sheep LOOOOVE being sheared, especially in summer here in AUS.
It saves them from MELTING!
Apparently, Bad, and Click: Strongly Slightly Not sure/in Slightly Strongly
Disagree Disagree between Agree
1. I feel discouraged about the way things are going.
job applications just keep getting weirder…..
pro jobseeking tip: never answer these surveys honestly
also a tip: if they have a question like “Everybody steals from work sometimes” answer “disagree.” I found this out when i was working as a hiring manager and the company i worked for started instituting these tests for managerial hires or promotions. My boss and I were promoting someone and she failed the test because she answered that question as “slightly agree” which in the results tells them that she is someone likely to steal because she believes everyone does it. When we asked her about her answer, it turns out she picked what she did because she’s cynical and does assume that people steal but didnt agree with them doing so. she almost sued the company for not promoting her based on that but chose to leave instead. We lost a good employee because corporate decided these tests were a good way to screen for “good” employees.tldr these things are poorly designed, ambiguously worded, and structured in ways that are designed to eliminate people because the intention of the questions is never made clear. these tests are evil.
this sounds like an ableist disaster for people who aren’t neurotypical and who struggle with reading signals
When I went to get diagnosed with ADHD, the neuropsychologist couldn’t figure out what was going on, because on paper I’m apparently floridly psychotic. No, the questions are imprecise, and I am hyper-literal and extremely honest.
“Do you often see things that other people do not see?” Yes.
The question I was answering: “Are you especially observant?”
The question the test was actually asking: “Are you having visual hallucinations?”
“Does your environment ever have special messages for you?” Yes.
The question I was answering: “Does the sudden sight of a rainbow during a bout of doubt and self-loathing make you feel as though the world is trying to cheer you up?”
The question the test was actually asking: “Do you believe that your toaster is trying to convince you that the neighbors are spying on you?”
Five years later, I bombed a psych eval for a park ranger job for the same sort of thing. Tread carefully, darlings.
^^^^ that is actually such a huge issue with diagnosis!!!! and I’ve thought I didn’t experience symptoms for ages that I actually clearly had all along because of things being phrased super weirdly and confusingly :(
And this is why McDonald’s never called me after I applied
Yeah, this is why this kind of thing in job apps needs to be illegal. A lot of discrimination is well hidden.
Oh! That explains why even having friends and my then-husband proofread these every time didn’t even work. They may not be as weird as me, but they’re not neurotypical. We all read the questions tantefledermaus mentioned as observational skills!
Fuck. This explains why I’ve failed all of these fucking things.
My sister said to answer these as if you were a really passive person who relied on management/authority to tell you exactly what to do/think.
Protip: my Dad is a hiring manager at Home Depot and he told me the system they use (with the stupidass pointless 500 question quiz) is designed so it filters out people with neutral answers. Several months ago I applied for numerous jobs, each of which required their own dumbass tests. To save time (and my sanity) i would click the “sometimes” or middle option for nearly every question unless it was serious. Nobody every called me back. Hell only 1 of the 8 places i applied to even messaged me back saying “thank you but we have gone with someone else”. Your applications wont even get seen unless you “pass” the quiz.
So when all yall do fill out these dumb things be sure to pick strong yes or no answers. Never “maybe” or “slighty agree/disagree”
Thank you for that, cause I do that a lot. Like I legit feel neutral on some of those questions. Tumblr with the life hacks
It’s really bad for someone who isn’t neurotypical because often, these questions do contain language meant to filter us out.
For me, I tend to notice the ones meant to filter out people with ADD, like myself. For example “do you have trouble focusing on one task” or “do you like to move around.” My normal answers to these would be “yes, but I have it under control” and “of course, no one can sit still for hours”. But corporations read them as “do not hire”
It’s a bunch of BS. So I answer them like a yes man from office space. Works pretty well.