Ass, Bermuda Triangle, and Lay's: chwistopher
If you're out at sea and your compass is
acting strange, you're close to mermaids.
Fish have a semblance of magnetism
that lets them navigate the ocean. Due
to being much larger than fish (and
having the potential to grow larger than
whales), mermaids are giant magnets.
Aside from using their magnetism like
fish to navigate the ocean, mermaids
also use their magnetism to locate
impure silver/gold, jewelry, and other
metals -- explaining the age old tale of
mermaids having hoards of treasure.
Due to their magnetism, mermaids were
able to easily detect ships, as their metal
anchors hitting the ocean floor was
basically screaming "TM HERE" to
Mermaid, sensing a pirate ship 5km away: don’tPirates: [lays anchor]Mermaid, with a magnetic migraine:
This explains why the Bermuda Triangle’s magnetic field fucks with ships and planes and everything. There’s either a huge ass mermaid in there or there’s a huge ass mermaid colony
Dogs, Heaven, and Jesus: 45 PM
One of my favorite secret (not-so-secret anymore)
joys about my apartment is watching people bring
their dogs to the tennis court next door to free-run
within the fence, but comment "on no, we forgot a
ball!" Well... guess who bought a bunch of old tennis
balls for that purpose? I throw them from my upper
floor apartment window so they go over the fence,
land in the center of the court, and then bounce really
high so there is no mistake that someone (just now)
threw them. Then... I hide in the window and watch
The people say the tennis ball came from heaven
They say it was materialized from thin air. They can't
figure it out. The dog and people have a great time,
and play, and then go home. Just before they leave
the owner looks around, and up at the sky in wonder.
Usually the pupper gets to take home their present
from the sky like a trophy. No one is the wiser. It is the
Secret sky balls of kindness
the most satisfying thing in life is doing something that’s really nice, but also really fucks with the person you’re helping. like, you’ve improved their day, but they’re going to be trying to figure out what the hell was going on for like a week.
Alive, Ariel, and Bad: waltdisneyconfessions
It bothers me how male
characters like Triton, the
Sultan, and Chief Tui can
all act very overprotective
and try to stop their
daughters from leaving
home, but it's only Mother
Gothel whose a villain
because of it. It feels like
a sexist double standard.
It bothers me how male characters like Triton, the Sultan, and Chief Tui can all act overprotective and try to stop their daughters from leaving home, but it’s only Mother Gothel whose a villain because of it. It feels like a sexist double standard.
Triton was afraid of humans because his wife was killed, Ariel also had pretty much free range of the ocean if she had time to amass that massive collection. Sultan was…a sultan? Also probably kept Jasmine inside for her own protection. Chief Tui was terrified of the ocean because of past experience.
Gothel kidnapped Rapunzel and only cared about the magic that kept her young.
Yeah, totally the same situation and the only difference is sexual bias.
Also Sultan said “I’m not going to be alive forever, I want to make sure you are provided for and taken care of” as the reason for why he wants to get Jasmine married. And he even says to Jafar “Jasmine hated those guys, she can’t marry someone she hates.” That shows he didn’t want her to be unhappy in her marriage.
Triton and Chief Tui know that life is dangerous.
As someone who is an older sibling and helped raising her younger siblings I know that very powerful overprotective feeling.
You know the dangers of the world. You know the world is uncaring and unkind. You know people aren’t afraid to play dirty and to hurt innocent people to get what they want. So you try to shield your children/siblings from such a scary world because you don’t want them to get hurt. You don’t want your child/sibling dying because someone was so uncaring of another life.
Could triton and Chief tui be more understanding of their children’s dreams and passions? Yes! But again these are parents who faces the harshness of the world and wanted to protect their children from that.
Jasmin is a princess, royalty are always going to have someone try to kill them, invade their lands, etc. at least sultan was allowing his daughter to choose the man she loved. He was aware of the dangers she faced but still wanted to make her happy.
A lot of Disney parents are loving and caring and they want the best for their children, though sometimes like all parents they mess up along the way. Raising and caring for another human is tough.
Frollo and mother Gothal are seen as villains because they aren’t trying to protect their “children” from the harshness of the world. Oh yes they say they are but it’s a way to control them. It’s a way to keep their “children “ under their thumbs. It wasn’t done out of love and care and a protectiveness. But control.
Gothal only want repunzal for her magic hair to stay young forever. And Frollo didn’t think twice about killing a BABY!
^^ Disney dads truely only wanted what they felt was best for their daughters (sans Frollo).
Mother Gothal kidnapped a baby and emotionally and mentally abused her for 18 years. ALL TO STAY YOUNG FOREVER BY USING HER HAIR!
The reason that mother Gothel is treated like a villain is that she has no actual care towards Rapunzel other than her magic hair.
Every other time, she’s emotionally and mentally abusive towards Rapunzel, lies to her, and gaslights her. She’s manipulative and everything she did was for her own benefit, not out of genuine love and care for Rapunzel.
That’s why she is treated like a villain. It isn’t a sexist double standard when she is genuinely abusive.
Meanwhile, Chief Tui, Sultan, and Triton have made mistakes dealing with their children but what parent doesn’t make mistakes? It shows them being people. People who wanted the best for their children even if they were overbearing or overprotective. One thing that has been relatively consistent among Disney is that they show parents as people who are not as understanding as they should be towards their kids but ultimately still good people who just want to do the best thing for their kids rather than showing them as ungodly saints who never make mistakes and never do anything wrong.
Hell, even though she isn’t Disney per se, you could easily include Merida’s mother as a counterpoint in all of this. Elinor behaves in similar ways that Chief Tui, Sultan, and Triton do regarding their daughters. Elinor is overprotective and overbearing, she destroyed Merida’s bow out of frustration and immediately regretted it, etc.
Yet she is never shown to actually be a bad person. She’s shown to have made mistakes, just like they did, but not an awful person or villain.
#tldr; the reason mother gothel is a villain is because she’s emotionally abusive#me thinks the person who submitted this didn’t really watch the movie#because you can see every moment of abusive that she puts rapunzel through…#STARTIGN WITH KIDNAPPING HER
Adam Sandler, Alive, and Animals: Johnny Boy 'limbo', Marston
Arthur More Organ
Hoseas Before Broseas
swagalicious crunchy outside,
self-deprecating chewy center
- "how many licks does it take
the squad's favorite disaster
squares up at a moment's notice
can never seem to get their shit together to get to the center of my depression"
goth jock dropout just wants to settle down -
- dumbest smart person alive
- denies being moe
- "wanna know how I got these scars-
wait where are you going"
- makes 50+ post twitter threads nobody reads just needs a break
- "Actually, correlation is not causation"
- thinks they're charming, is actually charming
- constantly forgets their age
- "back in my day
- only one who knows what
the fuck they're talking about
incredible artist, thinks their stuff is 'okay' still needs to shut the fuck up
- one shot, one kill
- "once I go viral it's over for you hoes"
- has a 'Home Is Where The Heart Is' welcome mat-liked by practically everybody
- productive procrastinator
can never hold down a relationship
- Instant Uncle, Just Add Baby
suffers from chronic pushover syndrome "no questions, dammit, no questions"
- jokes hit too close to home
- Good bad influence
- weed friend
Make It Work
-always knows what to play at a party
- adopts everyone on sight
- great with kids, great with animals,
wants to hold your baby
- scientific evidence good girls
want bad boys
- burns salads
- "have you eaten today"
- owns etsy account, too busy to make anything - punches self for fun
- professional alcoholic
- always needs to borrow money
- terrible drunk, never remembers
what happened that night
walks around the house in their underwear
gives great hugs
needs seven showers
group's unexpected therapist
patronus is secondhand embarrassment
just wants to be part of the family
"MCDONALD'S! MCDONALD'S! MCDONALD'S!"*
is the party
cultured, well-traveled and stylish;
made for Instagram
- *gestures to all of you* "we need
to do something about this"
- always starts drama, yet always
seems to avoid it
bad taste in literally everything,
banned from recommending outings
- will always have squad's back
iron constitution, never gets sick
- "say that to my fucking face"
- may seem Mad, is actually Sad
*pulls up in drive-thru, orders single
starts the day with horoscope readings
- Chaotic Loyal
black coffee, leaves
FUCKS.EXE STOPPED WORKING 'mSorry Ms. Jackson tOh)
Green Hat McGuy
"join team chat"
- fashionable at all times, even when
going to the grocery store
can't do crime if you ain't cute
-only dates fictional men
won't leave the house for days need
lives on cow tales and TVTropes says they can hold their liquor
regularly tells squad to hydrate can't actually hold their liquor
too nice for own good
living boke and tsukkomi routine
to shut up yesterday
social interaction, naps for ten years
it's basic hygiene
and laying beneath the stars
-"please stop talking"
exhausted after two minutes of
maybe they're born with it, maybe
soft spot for animals, slow dancing
cooler than you
. living proof the scariest people
frat brotryhard nerd gem fusion
come in the nicest packages
graceful loser, even more graceful winner - "what day is it again"
nobody sees clapbacks coming until it's never learned how to drive
every day is roast session day
- "I'll roast you, I'll roast them,
I'll roast me fuckin' self"
- Has never completed No Nut November
sings in the shower
- adores Linkin Park
- "are you ready yet" "almost"
- allergic to idiots
Let Me Speak To Your Manager
- retired mom friend, back from retirement
ages every time someone references
a vine instead of responding normally
- smokes sixty packs a day
social norms are for dweebs
just wants to play videogames
- No Drama? No ProblemTM
-"Local Mean Girl Refuses To
Be Toppled From Throne"
- loses shit over small things
-THIS close to cutting someone
and snack in peace
shoves people in lockers to show affection
forgets not to swear in front of other
never forgets a birthday
shaped like a friend
only one in squad who can cook
only one in squad who can drive
the queen of throwing down
"fuck, sorry about that"
given up on romance
big problems are Whatever
- needs therapy
- Favorite Songs Are 'Find Me Somebody- smells amazing
To Love' And 'Before He Cheats'
common sense frequently left on read - hasn't seen most popular movies
- a matryoshka of pain
- wishes you didn't look like a dump truck
knows Wicked by heart
- only one in squad who does taxes
- villain origin story is that stubborn
chin hair that keeps growing back
- always says 'gg' after every game
incredible skin care regimen
- "just drink more water"
award winning sailor mouth
- Big Hair, Don't Care
"What's My Age Again" by Blink 182
World's Saddest Violin
Looks like a million dollars, is probably
worth a million dollars
- family person, loves everybody
keeps Twitter on private
- meows back at their cat
- extroverted introvert
-feels guilty for not logging into
Animal Crossing for nine months
thinks existence is kind of funny
invented the word 'dapper
- the living embodiment of when
you try your best but you don't succeed'
- just wants to be loved and cherished
-great with animals, never scratched
the life of the party, when they're
not launching into drunken diatribes
-smartest smart person alive
-stays up until three in the morning
thinking about the meaning of life
- an essential addition to any squad
- reads at 10,000 miles per hour
wants to stab Banksy
hates stan culture
hoards comfort food beneath their desk
gets sentimental over their Neopets
used to hoard Beanie Babies
- hates answering the phone
- silently lurks in Twitch chatrooms
- needs more friends
- stylish drunk with two hollow legs
- never fails to speak their mind
great at impressions
- regularly confuses main for private
"just forget I said that haha"
preserves their right hook for justice
- stared into the void, got bored
quotes movies when provoked
- "That's just, like, your opinion, man."
the most perfect teeth
Talk Shit, Get Hit
- soft outside, softer inside
- never ashamed to cry
- weak spot for pups, needs
to pet every dog they see
-only one of the squad that's been punched squad's resident cheapskate
needs to seriously reconsider things
trolling game out of control
- never seems to accumulate debt,
also never tips the waiter
took college prep in high school
- can't fight to save their life
- surprisingly terrifying comebacks
gg ez clap"
oves Bon Iver, Death Grips
and Beyonce equally
- Kappa Kappa KappaRoss CoolStoryBob
workplace's local kissass
likes to give gifts to sad friends
living embodiment of a flower crown talks during movies
home life is a mess
- needs a vacation, too self-conscious - doesn't flush toilets in public bathrooms
to take one
- adopted by everybody
- "Oh, I won't report you...yet"
believes they were born in the wrong era
- has never yelled once
- in love with the smell of old books
- wishes on stars when no one's looking
leaves breadcrumbs in butter
a well-rounded tool
- nobody knows why they keep getting invited"Poverty is a state of mind."
red dead redemption 2 tag yourself masterpost now all in one spot for your convenient bullshit needs
tag your chronic pain, tag your panic attacks, tag your existential crisis
I am all of these yet none of them at the same time
Bored, Confused, and Crush: biggest-gaudiest-patronuses
In 5th grade some boys hid my desk in the
boys bathroom. I was confused when I got to
school and it was missing, so l just sat on the
floor and read my book until the teacher came
in and made them put it back.
I realize now they were trying to trick me
into go into the boys bathroom, but no one
actually told me that's where my desk was,
and it didn't occur to me to ask.
Looking back I realize they had to make the
effort to get to school early to move it, and I
feel a tiny bit of regret for not reacting more
In 3rd grade Richard brought his new lacrosse
set in for show in tell. the ball went missing
during class time and at the end of the day
we all had to check our bookbags to look for
it. I only glanced in mine (I just wanted to
go home), but that evening I found it at the
bottom of my bag. I was so scared of being
blamed, I threw it into the neighbor's yard and
never told anyone
I found out 2 years later that my bully Luke
put it there to frame me, and he was stil
extremely frustrated I hadn't gotten caught.
I'm pretty sure Richard got a new ball
I had a crush on a boy I met in Kindergarten
and made NO attempts to hide it because the
people on TV were always telling each other
when they liked each other. Didn't work as well
as I'd hope (i.e. didn't work AT ALL and no boy
wanted to hang out with me ever after that),
but that's not the point
Skip ahead to third grade. We had a new kid
who was kind of a jerk. One day he asks me
if I have a crush and I'm like, "Yeah, [Crushl
And?" Dude turns around and yells to my
crush "Hey! She has a crush on you!"
My crush just kinda sighs and is like, "Yeah. I
know. Everyone knows. Thanks."
So this guy was hoping to embarrass me in
front of everyone but it completely backfired
because I lack the social filter necessary to
ashamed of my base desires
One time in like kindergerden some kid stole
my shoe and instead if reacting I just went
the whole day barefoot. No one questioned it
He got bored of no reaction and just dropped
the shoe but by then I was too committed and
continued to walk around barefoot
Some of yall grew up with a low base stat of
damn right we did
Clothes, cnn.com, and Dumb: The Independent
Here's what you should do in the
event of a nuclear attack ind.pn/
8/9/17, 3:19 PM
"Don't run. Get inside". What experts
say to do in case of a nuclear attack
8/9/17, 9:30 AM
Hawaii is preparing in case of a North
Korea attack. Experts say you have
about 15 min. to take cover after a
ladies and gentlemen we have officially reached the “in case a nuclear attack happens” phase……. [x]
This shit is wild.
Wtf a table finna do for anybody?? There’s basically nothing you can do but die
they’re doing this to give people a sense of safety , even though we full well know this won’t work at all.
ALRIGHT KIDDOS LISTEN UP! I did emergency management for the air force which involves this fun thing called Plume Modelling (aka chart the path of death for a given bomb based on its payload, distance, type of detonation, etc) and let me tell you some actual LEGIT™ methods of minimizing damage to your life.
Unless you are within the vaporization zone (where you turn into a fucking shadow because of your proximity to the blast) there is a specific order of events nuke blasts cause and there are ways to protect against these things.
1. There is this thing called a flash to bang ratio. It is really freaking important. The first wave from a nuke is a blinding flash of light that can literally FRY YOUR RETINAS. If you believe that a nuke has just dropped on your city, HIDE AND DONT LOOK AT IT. @shesheistyy a good solid table is good for this but you’re way less likely to go blind if you get to an internal room with no windows, especially one below ground.
2. After the flash there will be the bang. If the time between the flash and the bang, counted in Mississippi seconds, is more than 10 seconds you MIGHT survive and just die of cancer later. If it’s between five and 10 buckle up kiddos because the worst is yet to come. And well if it’s less than 3 you won’t live long enough to remember this. These are loose estimates only.
3. The “bang” usually announces the arrival of the fire ball. Yes. A massive heat shock will erupt from the core of the bomb and light pretty much every thing it comes into contact with, including your flesh, on fire. Back to that whole “metal buildings underground” thing. There’s really no getting around the whole getting lit on fire if you’re too close thing.
4. Fallout. When the bomb goes off it sucks all of the shit it just vaporized up into the air with it and as the blast cools, it begins to rain down the radioactive fucked molten wreckage onto everyone in a huge radius. Just because the fallout you can see has stopped doesn’t mean the molecular radiation has stopped.
The survival factors for nuclear blasts are time, distance and shielding. The longer it takes for it to get to you the less of it there is. The further away from the source the less dead you are. Want to survive? Put 6 feet of concrete and/or 2 feet of lead between you and everything else. Yes. Those loons with their bunkers actually got something right.
NOW! About radiation! If you are so fortunate as to survive one of these blasts and not be vaporized or burnt to a crisp or die of radiation poisoning within hours, you need to understand the types of radiation.
Gamma radiation is the most “severe” in that it can penetrate your flesh through your clothes and house, causing severe illness. Gamma radiation fucks with your cell walls and disrupts your DNA. It kills you in hours, months or years. Some people survive decades. Think of gamma like the sun. Too much exposure gives you cancer.
Now Beta, on the other hand, think of Beta particles like sand on the beach. Its in the air. Its in your clothes, in the creases of your fingers. But beta particles can burn through your flesh or get into your blood stream through open wounds. Luckily they can be stopped with nonporous materials, like rubber, or foil. Make that two points for the loony conspiracy theorists. Aluminum foil does protect from beta radiation.
And finally, Alpha radiation. Think of alpha Radiation like dust motes. It takes a high density filter to prevent you from breathing them in and if you’re surrounded by rubble they’re probably everywhere. Alpha particles do the same thing as beta particles in terms of getting into your system and wrecking your shit.
So! Survival? Most likely based on dumb luck. But! If you think you’re being nuked
1. get under ground or at least to an internal room of the building if no other options are available.
2. CLOSE YOUR EYES. Curl into the fetal position to protect your orifices and vital organs from gamma radiation and get low to the ground to reduce damage from the blast and potential ceiling collapse.
3.You will still feel the flash pass over you. Count. One, two, three… If you aren’t vaporized yet keep counting. Pray to every god ever imagined that you get to 10 before you hear the bang.
4. Bang. Try not to shit yourself. The fireball will follow almost instantly if you’re in range. Be prepared to start rolling to put yourself out.
5. Fallout rains down. Do not open your eyes. Do not stop praying. As hard as it is because time will feel as if it has slowed to a crawl, try not to leave your position for at least 30 minutes, although 60 minutes is better. At 30 minutes, only 60% of the potential fall out has fallen but by 60 minutes, up to 90% may have come down.
6. Remember, Alpha and beta radiation are particles. Do not put anything in your body that has not been thoroughly washed, dusted of or came from a sealed package. Point 3 for the conspiracy theorists, hot pockets and canned food are probably still safe. Do not leave shelter without goggles, and try to wrap yourself in a minimum of those weird space blankets but rubber and metal lined suits (like hazmat suits) are best for the job.
Good luck in the future apocalypse!
Reblogged with improved readability!
Look whats Relevant again…
I wonder if there’s any where to watch White Light, Black Rain. Saw it back in highschool.
History repeats and all that jazz.
After all, It’s not like ‘duck and cover’ and other nuclear protection methods of dubious quality weren’t a mainstream in the Cold War or anything…
We’ve been here before.
It’s just the first time around for us younger crowd.