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Being Alone, Beautiful, and Candy: thatsqaualivstut we were taking our math test and i turned around and can we just talk about not only whatever is all over that girl's face, but the guy charging his phone in the back and the kid on the right who looks like he's in immense pain this picture is like the perfect description of school tho mvrtlewilson: fun fact one time i auditioned for a play and the character called for a russian accent and i did mine for the director and got the part and she stopped me on my way out and asked my how i got it so believable sounding and i didn't have the heart to tell her it was because of the amount of time i spend imitating chekov from star trek when i'm home alone I'm nominated for an acting award at my school now because of this willyumbeckett one time this guy in my class drew a penis on the blackboard with a permanent marker and continued the drawing with an erasable marker and made it to be a cat and my english teacher wanted to write on the blackboard so she tried to erase the drawing and the cat went away and all that was left was a penis and we all cried laughing and she just sighed and said "its so small that is a beautiful story ensenshnackles: This one time when I was about 13 I got swine flu and had to stay off school for 2 weeks. While I was off somebody spread a rumour that I wasn't there because I'd been hit by a truck and died. So when I came back into school I walked into English class and everybody started screaming and I cried. frickerstein today in american lit a kid fell asleep and my teacher got up and told us to follow him and so we all left the room and he changed the clock so it was like 6pm and like 10 minutes later the kid ran into the hallway with his backpack and we were all sitting at the end and he just sat down in the middle of the hallway and started to cry nosdrinker my english teacher accused me of plagiarizing an essay i wrote about my own life my friend got accused of plagiarizing in junior high because she used the word "sweets" instead of "candy and our teacher thought that the word sweets was "too advanced for our vocabulary" gothbaby once i scraped my knee in 3rd grade and a weird girl who was obsessed with horses was like "hold on" then she started crying and dropped tears on my knee then she was like "pegasus tears heal wounds awkwardvagina: in middle school we had to do a discussion about our family and a girl in my class stood up to talk about her family and she said she lived with her mum and sister, one of the kids asked about her dad and she said that he had died, so being curious i asked what happened to him and she turned her head, look directly at me and said in the most serious tone ever "he got in my way" and that was the moment i learnt what true fear is lydiasexual one time in my health class we were going over sex ed and someone mentioned that the word "testify" came from the fact that men would swear on their testicles during a testimony way back when and someone asked what girls say and this girl next to me whispered "I breastify and the teacher laughed so hard and let us leave 15 minutes early vardaesque hOLY SHIT SO TODAY IN CLASS THE WEIRDEST FUCKING SHIT HAPPENED a bee got into my class and everyone was freaking out, so all of a sudden, this kid goes "I GOT IT and he fucking pulls out a RUBBER FUCKING BAND AND SHOOTS IT THE FUCK DOWN IN ONE TRY MY TEACHER JUST STOOD THERE NOBODY KNEW HOW TO REACT son I'm here to talk to you about the Avengers Initiative See what's trending at FUNsubstance.com Jajaja
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Bad, Cute, and Fucking: wittyusernamed My buddy read an article about octopus intelligence. It was feeding time, and the handler dumped some shrimp into an octopus' tank. Then he went into another room and sat at his desk. A while later, a shrimp was tossed onto his desk The octopus, upon finding one bad shrimp in the lot, had grabbed it, escaped its tank, crossed the hall, and threw the expired shrimp at its caretaker. Not only does this showcase their problem-solving capabilities, but also that it could have escaped at any time. It just broke out this time to chuck an off shrimp in indignation at its handler. That's not just intelligence, that's a human-like reaction. Kinda make you wonder exactly how smart these guys can be.. queensjenn OH MY GOD roseweasley7 I went to the aquarium once and we had a tour and we walked past the octopus tank and it was duct taped shut so l asked why and the guy was like. "Well, we had a problem before because these fish were disappearing randomly at night and we had no idea why. Turns out the octopus had memorised the night guards rounds and would creep out of its tank, crawl across the floor to the fish tank, have a little snack and be back in its own tank with the lid shut before the guard came back." they are super smart dominawritesthings I love octopuses so, so much. cassandrashipsit I am both delighted and FUCKING TERRIFIED. ze-witch-arteest Once I went to the aquarium where they had a baby pacific red octopus in a tank. I had gone there to work on a few real life sketches, obviously I wanted to do one of an octopus. So I kinda just kneeled in front of the tank, and started sketching The octopus didn't mind, he sat happily. Then, 5 minutes later, he started moving to the front of the tank, where I was. This tiny octopus faces me directly and starts posing. I don't know how other to explain it but he started curlung his tentacles in this really graceful way then wouldn't move for a few minutes. Then again, a new pose. That tiny cute motherfucker More laughs at FUNsubstance.com Prankster Gangster
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Af, Bad, and Fuck You: Introducing Moreos! OREO aRE YOU PNDOING ME? ARE YOU FUCK NG PODOING ME THIS is SHIT THIS IS A PEICE OF SHIT NO HUMAN SHOULD EVER HAVE THIS MUCH POWER THIS IS FUCKING BULLSHIT THERE WAS A SET AMOUNT OF ICING ON EACH FUCKING OREO AND THATS HOW IT SHOULD BE. GIVE US THIS MUCH POWER THE ICING WILL BE SO UNEASILY SPLIT UP THAT WE WILL HAVE IKE 20 COOKES LEFT AND NO FUCKING ICING LEFT THIS IS RIDICULOUS THIS IS THE KIND OF SHIT THAT DESTROY SOCIETY AND TOPPLES THE GOVERNMENT THIS IS TRYING TO SPARK GREED AND LUST AND GLUTTONY INTO THE HEARTS OF EVERYONE THIS IS FUCKING EVIL DONT BUY INTO THIS SHIT FUCK THS AND FUCK YOU IAM HYPERVENTİLATING 59 1125 notes け ORED 3 SNACK HACKS dont let the guy who hates moreos see this s just known at the guy who hates meroes aughing so hard 864 notes NEW DESSERT PIZZA dont tell the guy who got angry at moreos YOU BITCHES TALKING ABOUT ME BEHIND MY BACK YOU THNK1 WOULDNT NOTICE THIS SHIT? WELL GUESS WHAT IDID NOTICE THIS SHIT AND LET ME TELL YOU WHAT? IM RATHER FUCKING UPSET MOREOS WERE BAD BUT THIS THIS SHIT THIS FUCKINGS SHIT IS THE ROCK BOTTOM OF MANKIND NOT ONLY HAD THE OREO COMPANY DECIDED TO EXPAND THEIR SHITFEST BY MAKING THIS CIRCULAR SHETSTAIN, BUT DOMINOS DECIDED TO JOIN THE CLUSTERFUCK AS WELL JUST FUCKING PROOF THAT TH CANCER OF HUILANITY THAT IS OR£OS is FUCKING SPREADRIG SO FUCKING ANGRY RIGHT NOW. I FUCKING TOLD YOU ALL YOU THOUGHT 1WOULONT SEE THIS?IHAVE SOURCES I KNOW WHEN IM BEING TALKED ABOUT, AND YOU BETTER BELIEVE THATS A GOOO THING BECAUSE IM GONNA PUT THIS OREO MONSTROSITY BACK 4 ITS PLACE JUST YOU FUCKING WAIT WATCH YOUR FUCKING BACK The future af humor FUNsubstance.com moreos
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