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        rubitrightintomyeyes:

theonion:

Rock Apparently Factors Into Girlfriend’s Shower Routine
SEATTLE—Saying he was confused about the full extent of its purpose as well as its overall benefit, local man Jacob Ferris, 25, nonetheless surmised today that the oblong rock located in girlfriend Sarah Milstein’s shower caddy must somehow factor into her bathing routine, sources confirmed.
“I guess at some point while she’s showering, she rubs a rock on her body,” said Ferris, expressing what he claimed was “the only possible conclusion” about the light-gray rock in his girlfriend’s bathroom. “I mean, it looks sort of nice, so she could just have it there for decoration or something. But it’s usually right near all the other soaps and her loofah, so I think it’s probably something she actually uses while under the water.”
“I really don’t know how it all works,” Ferris added. “All I know is that in between Sarah getting into the shower and getting out, there’s a rock involved.”
Ferris, who said he was unable to determine exactly when in the showering process the rock first comes into play, told reporters he is equally clueless about what part of the body the rock is used on.
In addition, Ferris said he occasionally inspects the roughly 3-ounce object when he’s in Milstein’s shower, and told reporters that the rock is nearly always wet and is occasionally moved to slightly different spots within the bathtub, leading him to believe that his girlfriend uses it fairly regularly. He also noted his girlfriend’s bathing time never seems particularly longer than the average person’s considering she has added a rock into the mix.
Ferris added that all attempts to incorporate the rock into his own shower routine have ultimately been unsuccessful.
“I tried rubbing it on my skin once, and it hurt,” Ferris said, concluding that pouring soap and water directly onto the rock neither made it softer nor easier on his skin. “I could maybe see how it could get some dirt off of your body, but it seems too painful to work. Her skin usually looks nice though, so maybe I’m wrong.”
“There is a chance it could be a hair thing,” Ferris continued. “Maybe she rubs the rock in her hair? I don’t know.”
Ferris confirmed he has considered numerous reasons for why his girlfriend uses the rock in the shower, including that she has some type of skin condition, that the rock is some sort of weird tradition her family has, or that everyone uses rocks in the shower and he has been out of the loop the entire time.
“It could be for cleaning the bathtub,” said Ferris, adding he once suspected the rock was a device for making the bathroom smell nice, but then noticed it had no discernible smell whatsoever. “Like every few weekends she scrubs the tub with this rock? I guess I could see Sarah doing that.”
While Ferris said he is mostly certain that the rock was initially purchased at a home goods store of some kind, he was not able to completely rule out the possibility it was just a rock that his girlfriend found on the ground and decided to put in her shower.
“I wonder if I should put a rock in my shower for when she’s over here,” said Ferris, who said he once tried to locate a rock at a Bed Bath & Beyond, but left after not wanting to walk up to a sales clerk and ask them where they kept their “shower rocks.” “Or I could just tell her to leave a rock at my place if she wants.”
“I’m probably not going to do that,” Ferris added.
At press time, a visibly perplexed Ferris had seen the rock sitting in Milstein’s trashcan and then looked in the shower to see another rock sitting in its place.


: rubitrightintomyeyes:

theonion:

Rock Apparently Factors Into Girlfriend’s Shower Routine
SEATTLE—Saying he was confused about the full extent of its purpose as well as its overall benefit, local man Jacob Ferris, 25, nonetheless surmised today that the oblong rock located in girlfriend Sarah Milstein’s shower caddy must somehow factor into her bathing routine, sources confirmed.
“I guess at some point while she’s showering, she rubs a rock on her body,” said Ferris, expressing what he claimed was “the only possible conclusion” about the light-gray rock in his girlfriend’s bathroom. “I mean, it looks sort of nice, so she could just have it there for decoration or something. But it’s usually right near all the other soaps and her loofah, so I think it’s probably something she actually uses while under the water.”
“I really don’t know how it all works,” Ferris added. “All I know is that in between Sarah getting into the shower and getting out, there’s a rock involved.”
Ferris, who said he was unable to determine exactly when in the showering process the rock first comes into play, told reporters he is equally clueless about what part of the body the rock is used on.
In addition, Ferris said he occasionally inspects the roughly 3-ounce object when he’s in Milstein’s shower, and told reporters that the rock is nearly always wet and is occasionally moved to slightly different spots within the bathtub, leading him to believe that his girlfriend uses it fairly regularly. He also noted his girlfriend’s bathing time never seems particularly longer than the average person’s considering she has added a rock into the mix.
Ferris added that all attempts to incorporate the rock into his own shower routine have ultimately been unsuccessful.
“I tried rubbing it on my skin once, and it hurt,” Ferris said, concluding that pouring soap and water directly onto the rock neither made it softer nor easier on his skin. “I could maybe see how it could get some dirt off of your body, but it seems too painful to work. Her skin usually looks nice though, so maybe I’m wrong.”
“There is a chance it could be a hair thing,” Ferris continued. “Maybe she rubs the rock in her hair? I don’t know.”
Ferris confirmed he has considered numerous reasons for why his girlfriend uses the rock in the shower, including that she has some type of skin condition, that the rock is some sort of weird tradition her family has, or that everyone uses rocks in the shower and he has been out of the loop the entire time.
“It could be for cleaning the bathtub,” said Ferris, adding he once suspected the rock was a device for making the bathroom smell nice, but then noticed it had no discernible smell whatsoever. “Like every few weekends she scrubs the tub with this rock? I guess I could see Sarah doing that.”
While Ferris said he is mostly certain that the rock was initially purchased at a home goods store of some kind, he was not able to completely rule out the possibility it was just a rock that his girlfriend found on the ground and decided to put in her shower.
“I wonder if I should put a rock in my shower for when she’s over here,” said Ferris, who said he once tried to locate a rock at a Bed Bath & Beyond, but left after not wanting to walk up to a sales clerk and ask them where they kept their “shower rocks.” “Or I could just tell her to leave a rock at my place if she wants.”
“I’m probably not going to do that,” Ferris added.
At press time, a visibly perplexed Ferris had seen the rock sitting in Milstein’s trashcan and then looked in the shower to see another rock sitting in its place.



        

            
            

                
                
                    rubitrightintomyeyes:

theonion:

Rock Apparently Factors Into Girlfriend’s Shower Routine
SEATTLE—Saying he was confused about the full extent of its purpose as well as its overall benefit, local man Jacob Ferris, 25, nonetheless surmised today that the oblong rock located in girlfriend Sarah Milstein’s shower caddy must somehow factor into her bathing routine, sources confirmed.
“I guess at some point while she’s showering, she rubs a rock on her body,” said Ferris, expressing what he claimed was “the only possible conclusion” about the light-gray rock in his girlfriend’s bathroom. “I mean, it looks sort of nice, so she could just have it there for decoration or something. But it’s usually right near all the other soaps and her loofah, so I think it’s probably something she actually uses while under the water.”
“I really don’t know how it all works,” Ferris added. “All I know is that in between Sarah getting into the shower and getting out, there’s a rock involved.”
Ferris, who said he was unable to determine exactly when in the showering process the rock first comes into play, told reporters he is equally clueless about what part of the body the rock is used on.
In addition, Ferris said he occasionally inspects the roughly 3-ounce object when he’s in Milstein’s shower, and told reporters that the rock is nearly always wet and is occasionally moved to slightly different spots within the bathtub, leading him to believe that his girlfriend uses it fairly regularly. He also noted his girlfriend’s bathing time never seems particularly longer than the average person’s considering she has added a rock into the mix.
Ferris added that all attempts to incorporate the rock into his own shower routine have ultimately been unsuccessful.
“I tried rubbing it on my skin once, and it hurt,” Ferris said, concluding that pouring soap and water directly onto the rock neither made it softer nor easier on his skin. “I could maybe see how it could get some dirt off of your body, but it seems too painful to work. Her skin usually looks nice though, so maybe I’m wrong.”
“There is a chance it could be a hair thing,” Ferris continued. “Maybe she rubs the rock in her hair? I don’t know.”
Ferris confirmed he has considered numerous reasons for why his girlfriend uses the rock in the shower, including that she has some type of skin condition, that the rock is some sort of weird tradition her family has, or that everyone uses rocks in the shower and he has been out of the loop the entire time.
“It could be for cleaning the bathtub,” said Ferris, adding he once suspected the rock was a device for making the bathroom smell nice, but then noticed it had no discernible smell whatsoever. “Like every few weekends she scrubs the tub with this rock? I guess I could see Sarah doing that.”
While Ferris said he is mostly certain that the rock was initially purchased at a home goods store of some kind, he was not able to completely rule out the possibility it was just a rock that his girlfriend found on the ground and decided to put in her shower.
“I wonder if I should put a rock in my shower for when she’s over here,” said Ferris, who said he once tried to locate a rock at a Bed Bath & Beyond, but left after not wanting to walk up to a sales clerk and ask them where they kept their “shower rocks.” “Or I could just tell her to leave a rock at my place if she wants.”
“I’m probably not going to do that,” Ferris added.
At press time, a visibly perplexed Ferris had seen the rock sitting in Milstein’s trashcan and then looked in the shower to see another rock sitting in its place.


: rubitrightintomyeyes:

theonion:

Rock Apparently Factors Into Girlfriend’s Shower Routine
SEATTLE—Saying he was confused about the full extent of its purpose as well as its overall benefit, local man Jacob Ferris, 25, nonetheless surmised today that the oblong rock located in girlfriend Sarah Milstein’s shower caddy must somehow factor into her bathing routine, sources confirmed.
“I guess at some point while she’s showering, she rubs a rock on her body,” said Ferris, expressing what he claimed was “the only possible conclusion” about the light-gray rock in his girlfriend’s bathroom. “I mean, it looks sort of nice, so she could just have it there for decoration or something. But it’s usually right near all the other soaps and her loofah, so I think it’s probably something she actually uses while under the water.”
“I really don’t know how it all works,” Ferris added. “All I know is that in between Sarah getting into the shower and getting out, there’s a rock involved.”
Ferris, who said he was unable to determine exactly when in the showering process the rock first comes into play, told reporters he is equally clueless about what part of the body the rock is used on.
In addition, Ferris said he occasionally inspects the roughly 3-ounce object when he’s in Milstein’s shower, and told reporters that the rock is nearly always wet and is occasionally moved to slightly different spots within the bathtub, leading him to believe that his girlfriend uses it fairly regularly. He also noted his girlfriend’s bathing time never seems particularly longer than the average person’s considering she has added a rock into the mix.
Ferris added that all attempts to incorporate the rock into his own shower routine have ultimately been unsuccessful.
“I tried rubbing it on my skin once, and it hurt,” Ferris said, concluding that pouring soap and water directly onto the rock neither made it softer nor easier on his skin. “I could maybe see how it could get some dirt off of your body, but it seems too painful to work. Her skin usually looks nice though, so maybe I’m wrong.”
“There is a chance it could be a hair thing,” Ferris continued. “Maybe she rubs the rock in her hair? I don’t know.”
Ferris confirmed he has considered numerous reasons for why his girlfriend uses the rock in the shower, including that she has some type of skin condition, that the rock is some sort of weird tradition her family has, or that everyone uses rocks in the shower and he has been out of the loop the entire time.
“It could be for cleaning the bathtub,” said Ferris, adding he once suspected the rock was a device for making the bathroom smell nice, but then noticed it had no discernible smell whatsoever. “Like every few weekends she scrubs the tub with this rock? I guess I could see Sarah doing that.”
While Ferris said he is mostly certain that the rock was initially purchased at a home goods store of some kind, he was not able to completely rule out the possibility it was just a rock that his girlfriend found on the ground and decided to put in her shower.
“I wonder if I should put a rock in my shower for when she’s over here,” said Ferris, who said he once tried to locate a rock at a Bed Bath & Beyond, but left after not wanting to walk up to a sales clerk and ask them where they kept their “shower rocks.” “Or I could just tell her to leave a rock at my place if she wants.”
“I’m probably not going to do that,” Ferris added.
At press time, a visibly perplexed Ferris had seen the rock sitting in Milstein’s trashcan and then looked in the shower to see another rock sitting in its place.



                    
                
            

            
                
                
rubitrightintomyeyes:

theonion:

Rock Apparently Factors Into Girlfriend’s Shower Routine
SEATTLE—Saying he was confused about the full...

                
            
            
        

    

    

        
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        Also known as one night stand: >14786690 (OP)
 well you know what they say
 Cum and go
 Drip and dip
 Nail and bail
 Nut then strut
 Plow and ciao
 Suck and duck
 Skeet and yeet
 Hit it and quit it
 Ram and scram
 Screw and sho0
 Shoot and scoot
 Squirt and revert
 Smash and dash
 Skeet and retreat
 Rape and escape
 Hump then dump
 Kiss then dismiss
 Finger don't linger
 Cuddle then scuttle
 Breed then proceed
 Get lade then evade
 Jack of then back off
 Ejaculate and evacuate
 Go down and skip town
 Impregnate and immigrate
 Tear her apart then depart
 Bust a nut then leave the hut
 Fuck her ass then hit the gas
 Suck her toes then say adios
 Fill her hole then take a stroll
 Shoot the Jizz then out you is
 Spray DNA and refuse to stay
 Smash mouth and dash south
 Give her cock then run a block
 Make a baby and run like crazy
 Smash her rear then disappear
 Hit the spot then ditch the thot
 Blow your load and hit the road
 Shoot the glaze then run aways
 Shoot your goo and say "adieu"
 Give her meat then hit the street
 Shoot your shit then fucking split
 Get some brain then ride the train
 Paint her face and leave the place
 Give her the dick and get out quick
 Fill the crack and never come back
 Ruin her sheets then hit the streets
 Rock her box then change the locks
 Insert your cock then promptly walk
 Make her your play mate and vacate
 Slide in your meat then hit the street
 Fertilize her seed then need for speed
 Empty your sack and don't come back
 Cum on her back then get on the track
 Fuck her fast then leave her in the past
 Get insider her gown then get out of town
 Prove you ain't gay then run the fuck away
 Please your monkey and leave the country
 Take her virginity then change your vicinity
 Give it to the lad then make like a black dad
 Prompt her wetting then change your setting
 Explore your sexuality then reposition your locality
 Upload your generic information then appear in a different nation
 Preform vaginal penetration then proceed to change your location
 Put yourseif inside her a fair amount then change your physical whereabouts
Also known as one night stand
        

            
            

                
                
                    Also known as one night stand: >14786690 (OP)
 well you know what they say
 Cum and go
 Drip and dip
 Nail and bail
 Nut then strut
 Plow and ciao
 Suck and duck
 Skeet and yeet
 Hit it and quit it
 Ram and scram
 Screw and sho0
 Shoot and scoot
 Squirt and revert
 Smash and dash
 Skeet and retreat
 Rape and escape
 Hump then dump
 Kiss then dismiss
 Finger don't linger
 Cuddle then scuttle
 Breed then proceed
 Get lade then evade
 Jack of then back off
 Ejaculate and evacuate
 Go down and skip town
 Impregnate and immigrate
 Tear her apart then depart
 Bust a nut then leave the hut
 Fuck her ass then hit the gas
 Suck her toes then say adios
 Fill her hole then take a stroll
 Shoot the Jizz then out you is
 Spray DNA and refuse to stay
 Smash mouth and dash south
 Give her cock then run a block
 Make a baby and run like crazy
 Smash her rear then disappear
 Hit the spot then ditch the thot
 Blow your load and hit the road
 Shoot the glaze then run aways
 Shoot your goo and say "adieu"
 Give her meat then hit the street
 Shoot your shit then fucking split
 Get some brain then ride the train
 Paint her face and leave the place
 Give her the dick and get out quick
 Fill the crack and never come back
 Ruin her sheets then hit the streets
 Rock her box then change the locks
 Insert your cock then promptly walk
 Make her your play mate and vacate
 Slide in your meat then hit the street
 Fertilize her seed then need for speed
 Empty your sack and don't come back
 Cum on her back then get on the track
 Fuck her fast then leave her in the past
 Get insider her gown then get out of town
 Prove you ain't gay then run the fuck away
 Please your monkey and leave the country
 Take her virginity then change your vicinity
 Give it to the lad then make like a black dad
 Prompt her wetting then change your setting
 Explore your sexuality then reposition your locality
 Upload your generic information then appear in a different nation
 Preform vaginal penetration then proceed to change your location
 Put yourseif inside her a fair amount then change your physical whereabouts
Also known as one night stand
                    
                
            

            
            
        

    

    

        
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        thechekhov:

More and more recently, I’ve begun to get some people coming to me asking for some clarification on LGBTQ stuff. When I was younger, I had to discover many basic identities and labels by myself, through research of various sources, or pieced together from disconnected blog posts. 
In the year 2019 you’d think we’d have a kid-friendly website that describes all of this in simple terms but… I’ve yet to find one that isn’t primed for guardians/parents of LGBTQ parnets and prioratizes them instead of the LGBTQ kids themselves…. 
So I tried to make a quick graphic to organize everything!
Keep in mind - this is based on MY experience and the terminology I have grown up using. Everyone’s experiences may differ - and I tried to simplify in some places to make it easier to read. (For example… I didn’t really go into detail on non-binary identities… but I may make a seperate graphic for that someday because that’s its own box of pears.) 
If you have feelings about this, feel free to go more in depth in the comments! 
: thechekhov:

More and more recently, I’ve begun to get some people coming to me asking for some clarification on LGBTQ stuff. When I was younger, I had to discover many basic identities and labels by myself, through research of various sources, or pieced together from disconnected blog posts. 
In the year 2019 you’d think we’d have a kid-friendly website that describes all of this in simple terms but… I’ve yet to find one that isn’t primed for guardians/parents of LGBTQ parnets and prioratizes them instead of the LGBTQ kids themselves…. 
So I tried to make a quick graphic to organize everything!
Keep in mind - this is based on MY experience and the terminology I have grown up using. Everyone’s experiences may differ - and I tried to simplify in some places to make it easier to read. (For example… I didn’t really go into detail on non-binary identities… but I may make a seperate graphic for that someday because that’s its own box of pears.) 
If you have feelings about this, feel free to go more in depth in the comments! 

        

            
            

                
                
                    thechekhov:

More and more recently, I’ve begun to get some people coming to me asking for some clarification on LGBTQ stuff. When I was younger, I had to discover many basic identities and labels by myself, through research of various sources, or pieced together from disconnected blog posts. 
In the year 2019 you’d think we’d have a kid-friendly website that describes all of this in simple terms but… I’ve yet to find one that isn’t primed for guardians/parents of LGBTQ parnets and prioratizes them instead of the LGBTQ kids themselves…. 
So I tried to make a quick graphic to organize everything!
Keep in mind - this is based on MY experience and the terminology I have grown up using. Everyone’s experiences may differ - and I tried to simplify in some places to make it easier to read. (For example… I didn’t really go into detail on non-binary identities… but I may make a seperate graphic for that someday because that’s its own box of pears.) 
If you have feelings about this, feel free to go more in depth in the comments! 
: thechekhov:

More and more recently, I’ve begun to get some people coming to me asking for some clarification on LGBTQ stuff. When I was younger, I had to discover many basic identities and labels by myself, through research of various sources, or pieced together from disconnected blog posts. 
In the year 2019 you’d think we’d have a kid-friendly website that describes all of this in simple terms but… I’ve yet to find one that isn’t primed for guardians/parents of LGBTQ parnets and prioratizes them instead of the LGBTQ kids themselves…. 
So I tried to make a quick graphic to organize everything!
Keep in mind - this is based on MY experience and the terminology I have grown up using. Everyone’s experiences may differ - and I tried to simplify in some places to make it easier to read. (For example… I didn’t really go into detail on non-binary identities… but I may make a seperate graphic for that someday because that’s its own box of pears.) 
If you have feelings about this, feel free to go more in depth in the comments! 

                    
                
            

            
                
                
thechekhov:

More and more recently, I’ve begun to get some people coming to me asking for some clarification on LGBTQ stuff. When I was...

                
            
            
        

    

    

        
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        filteredred:
fuzzballsheltiepants:

What happens when veterinary radiologist Andrew Minyard’s attempt to get some pad thai and some sleep gets interrupted by a an alley fight and a stabbing?  Naturally, he brings the uninsured victim to his clinic to get stitched up.  Read the full story if you want a generous helping of smart-mouthed Neil and reluctant hero Andrew.  Written for a prompt by @filteredred as a gift for guessing my AFTG Remix fic correctly!

Squealing! This is so good!! HWorth every minute @fallingin-like and I spent reading fics and analyzing them on a spread sheet! Haha - we are such nerds!)
This is so clever and fun! OMG they are both so grumpy - who else in the world could fall for either one of them? But together - magic. One of my favorite meet ugly fics and certainly my favorite meet stabby! Thanks so much for all the writing you do for our fandom, and for this gem. 💖
: X50
 gNINMI8

 RMO
 COPLEY
 CONDC
filteredred:
fuzzballsheltiepants:

What happens when veterinary radiologist Andrew Minyard’s attempt to get some pad thai and some sleep gets interrupted by a an alley fight and a stabbing?  Naturally, he brings the uninsured victim to his clinic to get stitched up.  Read the full story if you want a generous helping of smart-mouthed Neil and reluctant hero Andrew.  Written for a prompt by @filteredred as a gift for guessing my AFTG Remix fic correctly!

Squealing! This is so good!! HWorth every minute @fallingin-like and I spent reading fics and analyzing them on a spread sheet! Haha - we are such nerds!)
This is so clever and fun! OMG they are both so grumpy - who else in the world could fall for either one of them? But together - magic. One of my favorite meet ugly fics and certainly my favorite meet stabby! Thanks so much for all the writing you do for our fandom, and for this gem. 💖

        

            
            

                
                
                    filteredred:
fuzzballsheltiepants:

What happens when veterinary radiologist Andrew Minyard’s attempt to get some pad thai and some sleep gets interrupted by a an alley fight and a stabbing?  Naturally, he brings the uninsured victim to his clinic to get stitched up.  Read the full story if you want a generous helping of smart-mouthed Neil and reluctant hero Andrew.  Written for a prompt by @filteredred as a gift for guessing my AFTG Remix fic correctly!

Squealing! This is so good!! HWorth every minute @fallingin-like and I spent reading fics and analyzing them on a spread sheet! Haha - we are such nerds!)
This is so clever and fun! OMG they are both so grumpy - who else in the world could fall for either one of them? But together - magic. One of my favorite meet ugly fics and certainly my favorite meet stabby! Thanks so much for all the writing you do for our fandom, and for this gem. 💖
: X50
 gNINMI8

 RMO
 COPLEY
 CONDC
filteredred:
fuzzballsheltiepants:

What happens when veterinary radiologist Andrew Minyard’s attempt to get some pad thai and some sleep gets interrupted by a an alley fight and a stabbing?  Naturally, he brings the uninsured victim to his clinic to get stitched up.  Read the full story if you want a generous helping of smart-mouthed Neil and reluctant hero Andrew.  Written for a prompt by @filteredred as a gift for guessing my AFTG Remix fic correctly!

Squealing! This is so good!! HWorth every minute @fallingin-like and I spent reading fics and analyzing them on a spread sheet! Haha - we are such nerds!)
This is so clever and fun! OMG they are both so grumpy - who else in the world could fall for either one of them? But together - magic. One of my favorite meet ugly fics and certainly my favorite meet stabby! Thanks so much for all the writing you do for our fandom, and for this gem. 💖

                    
                
            

            
                
                
filteredred:
fuzzballsheltiepants:

What happens when veterinary radiologist Andrew Minyard’s attempt to get some pad thai and some sleep...

                
            
            
        

    

    

        
Save