Lifts
Lifts

Lifts

Littles
Littles

Littles

Gotta
Gotta

Gotta

Bootiful
Bootiful

Bootiful

Trying
Trying

Trying

Drink And Drive
Drink And Drive

Drink And Drive

From
From

From

Caught
Caught

Caught

The
The

The

Give
Give

Give

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Bluetooth, Bored, and Cars: . Verizon LTE 12:09 PM a houston.craigslist.org image 1 of 23 TEXAS BNL-2934 You want a car that gets the job done? You want a car that's hassle free? You want a car that literally no one will ever compliment you on? Well look no further. The 1999 Toyota Corolla Let's talk about features Bluetooth: nope Sunroof: nope Fancy wheels: nope Rear view camera: nope...but it's got a transparent rear window and you have a fucking neck that can turn Let me tell you a story. One day my Corolla started making a strange sound. I didn't give a shit and ignored it. It went away. The End You could take the engine out of this car, drop it off the Golden Gate Bridge, fish it out of the water a thousand years later, put it in the trunk of the car, fill the gas tank up with Nutella, turn the key, and this puppy would fucking start right This car will outlive you, it will outlive your children Things this car is old enough to do: Vote: yes Consent to sex: ves Rent a car: it IS a car This car's got history. It's seen some shit. People have done straight things in this car. People have done gay things ın this car. It's not going to judge you like a fucking Volkswagen would Interesting facts This car's exterior color is gray, but it's interior color is grey In the owner's manual, oil is listed as "optional." When this car was unveiled at the 1998 Detroit Auto Show, it caused all 2,000 attendees to spontaneously yawn. The resulting abrupt change in air pressure inside the building caused a partial collapse of the roof. Four people died. The event is chronicled in the documentary "Bored to Death: The Story of the 1999 Tovota Corolla" You wanna know more? Great, I had my car fill out a Facebook survey. Favorite food: spaghetti Favorite tv show: Alf Favorite band: tie between Bush and the Gin Blossoms This car is as practical as a Roth IRA. It's as middle-of-the- road as your grandpa during his last Silver Alert. It's as utilitarian as a member of a church whose scripture is based entirely on water bills When I ran the CarFax for this car, I got back a single piece of paper that said, "It's a Corolla. It's fine." Let's face the facts, this car isn't going to win any beauty contests, but neither are you. Stop lying to yourself and stop lying to your wife. This isn't the car you want, it's the car you deserve: The fucking 1999 Toyota Corolla. Whit Bayou BWa catchymemes: This man knows how to sell a car

catchymemes: This man knows how to sell a car

Beautiful, Crush, and Dank: You use the foot brake You use the engine brake You eat a Kit Kat to brake You use reverse gear to brake You crash into a car in front to brake You move to murica, shoot a machine gun and use the recoil to brake You crash into a crowd of people to brake You live in Soviet Russia where crowds of people crush into you to brake You crash into a crowd of people to brake and claim being an ISIS terrorist You crash into a crowd of people to brake and claim being an ISIS terrorist but misspell ISIS by forgetting the second "I" and thereby become an International Space Station which is orbiting earth thus braking is unnecessary You mumble while requesting a glass of juice and accidentally incinerate 6 million people. One thing leads to another and you are responsible for world war 2 Decades after your death time travel is invented and a professional assassin travels back in time in order to kill you and prevent everything you have done. On a beautiful summer day in 1932 the assassin locates you driving your mercedes througlh town and decides to take the shot. He misses the shot, killing an innocent man. A few decades later the grandson of this innocent man invents time travel in order to travel back in time and rescue his grandfather by killing the assassin who shot his grandfather while trying to kill you. Unluckily he messes up his time travel calculations and gets teleported right in front your mercedes. You crash into him and thereby brake. Hmmmmmmmmm via /r/dank_meme https://ift.tt/2NRn9Wv

Hmmmmmmmmm via /r/dank_meme https://ift.tt/2NRn9Wv