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    Bluetooth, Bored, and Cars: . Verizon LTE
 12:09 PM
 a houston.craigslist.org
 image 1 of 23
 TEXAS
 BNL-2934
 You want a car that gets the job done? You want a car that's
 hassle free? You want a car that literally no one will ever
 compliment you on? Well look no further.

 The 1999 Toyota Corolla
 Let's talk about features
 Bluetooth: nope
 Sunroof: nope
 Fancy wheels: nope
 Rear view camera: nope...but it's got a transparent rear
 window and you have a fucking neck that can turn
 Let me tell you a story. One day my Corolla started making a
 strange sound. I didn't give a shit and ignored it. It went
 away. The End
 You could take the engine out of this car, drop it off the
 Golden Gate Bridge, fish it out of the water a thousand years
 later, put it in the trunk of the car, fill the gas tank up with
 Nutella, turn the key, and this puppy would fucking start right
 This car will outlive you, it will outlive your children
 Things this car is old enough to do:
 Vote: yes
 Consent to sex: ves
 Rent a car: it IS a car
 This car's got history. It's seen some shit. People have done
 straight things in this car. People have done gay things ın this
 car. It's not going to judge you like a fucking Volkswagen
 would

 Interesting facts
 This car's exterior color is gray, but it's interior color is grey
 In the owner's manual, oil is listed as "optional."
 When this car was unveiled at the 1998 Detroit Auto Show, it
 caused all 2,000 attendees to spontaneously yawn. The
 resulting abrupt change in air pressure inside the building
 caused a partial collapse of the roof. Four people died. The
 event is chronicled in the documentary "Bored to Death: The
 Story of the 1999 Tovota Corolla"
 You wanna know more? Great, I had my car fill out a
 Facebook survey.
 Favorite food: spaghetti
 Favorite tv show: Alf
 Favorite band: tie between Bush and the Gin Blossoms
 This car is as practical as a Roth IRA. It's as middle-of-the-
 road as your grandpa during his last Silver Alert. It's as
 utilitarian as a member of a church whose scripture is based
 entirely on water bills
 When I ran the CarFax for this car, I got back a single piece
 of paper that said, "It's a Corolla. It's fine."
 Let's face the facts, this car isn't going to win any beauty
 contests, but neither are you. Stop lying to yourself and stop
 lying to your wife. This isn't the car you want, it's the car you
 deserve: The fucking 1999 Toyota Corolla.
 Whit
 Bayou
 BWa
catchymemes:

This man knows how to sell a car


    

        
        
        
        
        
        
        
    

    

        

            
            

                
                
                    Bluetooth, Bored, and Cars: . Verizon LTE
 12:09 PM
 a houston.craigslist.org
 image 1 of 23
 TEXAS
 BNL-2934
 You want a car that gets the job done? You want a car that's
 hassle free? You want a car that literally no one will ever
 compliment you on? Well look no further.

 The 1999 Toyota Corolla
 Let's talk about features
 Bluetooth: nope
 Sunroof: nope
 Fancy wheels: nope
 Rear view camera: nope...but it's got a transparent rear
 window and you have a fucking neck that can turn
 Let me tell you a story. One day my Corolla started making a
 strange sound. I didn't give a shit and ignored it. It went
 away. The End
 You could take the engine out of this car, drop it off the
 Golden Gate Bridge, fish it out of the water a thousand years
 later, put it in the trunk of the car, fill the gas tank up with
 Nutella, turn the key, and this puppy would fucking start right
 This car will outlive you, it will outlive your children
 Things this car is old enough to do:
 Vote: yes
 Consent to sex: ves
 Rent a car: it IS a car
 This car's got history. It's seen some shit. People have done
 straight things in this car. People have done gay things ın this
 car. It's not going to judge you like a fucking Volkswagen
 would

 Interesting facts
 This car's exterior color is gray, but it's interior color is grey
 In the owner's manual, oil is listed as "optional."
 When this car was unveiled at the 1998 Detroit Auto Show, it
 caused all 2,000 attendees to spontaneously yawn. The
 resulting abrupt change in air pressure inside the building
 caused a partial collapse of the roof. Four people died. The
 event is chronicled in the documentary "Bored to Death: The
 Story of the 1999 Tovota Corolla"
 You wanna know more? Great, I had my car fill out a
 Facebook survey.
 Favorite food: spaghetti
 Favorite tv show: Alf
 Favorite band: tie between Bush and the Gin Blossoms
 This car is as practical as a Roth IRA. It's as middle-of-the-
 road as your grandpa during his last Silver Alert. It's as
 utilitarian as a member of a church whose scripture is based
 entirely on water bills
 When I ran the CarFax for this car, I got back a single piece
 of paper that said, "It's a Corolla. It's fine."
 Let's face the facts, this car isn't going to win any beauty
 contests, but neither are you. Stop lying to yourself and stop
 lying to your wife. This isn't the car you want, it's the car you
 deserve: The fucking 1999 Toyota Corolla.
 Whit
 Bayou
 BWa
catchymemes:

This man knows how to sell a car


                    
                
            

            
            
catchymemes:

This man knows how to sell a car



            
            
        

    



            

        

        
        
        
        

            

                



            

        

        
        
        
        

            

                



            

        

        
        
        
        

            

                



            

        

        
        
        
        

            

                



            

        

        
        
        
        

            

                



            

        

        
        
        
        

            

                



            

        

        
        
        
        

            

                



            

        

        
        
        
        

            

                



            

        

        
        
        
        

            

                



            

        

        
        
        
        

            

                



            

        

        
        
        
        

            

                



            

        

        
        
        
        

            

                



            

        

        
        
        
        

            

                



            

        

        
        
        
        

            

                



            

        

        
        
        
        

            

                



            

        

        
        
        
        

            

                



            

        

        
        
        
        

            

                



            

        

        
        
        
        

            

                




    Beautiful, Crush, and Dank: You use the
 foot brake
 You use the
 engine brake
 You eat a
 Kit Kat to
 brake
 You use
 reverse gear
 to brake
 You crash
 into a car in
 front to brake
 You move to
 murica, shoot a
 machine gun and
 use the recoil to
 brake
 You crash into
 a crowd of
 people to
 brake
 You live in Soviet
 Russia where
 crowds of people
 crush into you to
 brake
 You crash into a
 crowd of people to
 brake and claim being
 an ISIS terrorist
 You crash into a crowd of
 people to brake and claim being
 an ISIS terrorist but misspell
 ISIS by forgetting the second
 "I" and thereby become an
 International Space Station
 which is orbiting earth thus
 braking is unnecessary
 You mumble while requesting a glass of
 juice and accidentally incinerate 6 million
 people. One thing leads to another and
 you are responsible for world war 2
 Decades after your death time travel is
 invented and a professional assassin
 travels back in time in order to kill you and
 prevent everything you have done. On a
 beautiful summer day in 1932 the assassin
 locates you driving your mercedes througlh
 town and decides to take the shot. He
 misses the shot, killing an innocent man. A
 few decades later the grandson of this
 innocent man invents time travel in order
 to travel back in time and rescue his
 grandfather by killing the assassin who
 shot his grandfather while trying to kill
 you. Unluckily he messes up his time travel
 calculations and gets teleported right in
 front your mercedes. You crash into him
 and thereby brake.
Hmmmmmmmmm via /r/dank_meme https://ift.tt/2NRn9Wv
    

        
        
        
        
        
        
        
    

    

        

            
            

                
                
                    Beautiful, Crush, and Dank: You use the
 foot brake
 You use the
 engine brake
 You eat a
 Kit Kat to
 brake
 You use
 reverse gear
 to brake
 You crash
 into a car in
 front to brake
 You move to
 murica, shoot a
 machine gun and
 use the recoil to
 brake
 You crash into
 a crowd of
 people to
 brake
 You live in Soviet
 Russia where
 crowds of people
 crush into you to
 brake
 You crash into a
 crowd of people to
 brake and claim being
 an ISIS terrorist
 You crash into a crowd of
 people to brake and claim being
 an ISIS terrorist but misspell
 ISIS by forgetting the second
 "I" and thereby become an
 International Space Station
 which is orbiting earth thus
 braking is unnecessary
 You mumble while requesting a glass of
 juice and accidentally incinerate 6 million
 people. One thing leads to another and
 you are responsible for world war 2
 Decades after your death time travel is
 invented and a professional assassin
 travels back in time in order to kill you and
 prevent everything you have done. On a
 beautiful summer day in 1932 the assassin
 locates you driving your mercedes througlh
 town and decides to take the shot. He
 misses the shot, killing an innocent man. A
 few decades later the grandson of this
 innocent man invents time travel in order
 to travel back in time and rescue his
 grandfather by killing the assassin who
 shot his grandfather while trying to kill
 you. Unluckily he messes up his time travel
 calculations and gets teleported right in
 front your mercedes. You crash into him
 and thereby brake.
Hmmmmmmmmm via /r/dank_meme https://ift.tt/2NRn9Wv
                    
                
            

            
            
Hmmmmmmmmm via /r/dank_meme https://ift.tt/2NRn9Wv