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Anaconda, Birthday, and Dad: ATST Messages Dad call your aunt linda, it's 8:23PM 100% . Contact her birthday okay dad will do SORRY HIT THE WRONG BUTTON WTF HOW DO YOU DELETE TEXT PHOTOS? I'M SORRY SON THAT WAS AN ACCIDENT PLEASE DELETE JESUS CHRIST DO NOT TELL YOUR MOTHER JUST DELETE dad u have a killer dick! what that's just a real good dick. nice please just delete and lets move on Like, I never really thought about your dick, but it's actually way nicer than I okay yeah anyways just call aunt linda well-trimmed pubes good length and girth, just the right about of chub for a dick pic bravo dad can we stop talking about my penis? That was an accident listen, if i had a dick that nice, i'd send out pics to people too gained a lot of respect for you today, pops see, I don't think I really got all of your dick genes NO STOP DELETE THAT maybe dick genes skip a generation? like i got decent length, but girth is kinda lacking. pubes are a lot curlier too, not a big fan of that WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU??? I think I heard your dick genes are based on your maternal STOP TEXTING 'll send to mom and get her opinion NO DO NOT DO THAT cmon mom sent me a vag pic last week WHAT WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT what's weirded out and upset? s wrong? are you YES EXTREMELY WHAT IS GOING ON well now you know HOW I FELT WHEN MY FUCKING DAD SENT ME A DICK PIC MAYBE BE A LITTLE YOUR GODDAMN MORE CAREFUL WITH PENIS IN THE FUTURE oh So you were kidding? YES you fucking weirdo, I was trying to scare you IM YOUR CHILD, I DO NOT WANT TO THINK ABOUT YOUR GENITALS understood, I apologize Good you do got a killer dick tho. seriously. respect thank you 0
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Af, Bad, and Dude: 10 Reasons Why Your D*ck ls Trash @balleralert Read more: www.balleralert.com 10 Reasons Why Your D*ck Is Trash - blogged by @niksofly ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ If you let men tell it, all of them have magical golden penises that give out orgasms like free lunch. Every dude is well endowed and knows what they're doing, and if they're allowed to gas you, they all will tell you how nasty they are and how their skully (oral sex ) game is beasty. Somehow, women buy that wolf and soon realize the d*ck is wack AF. By that time, it's too late and an L has been bestowed upon her. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Word to the wise: dudes with a village of kids usually have good d*ck. Not to mention, if he doesn't say anything about his performance outside of "I know me and I'm good at what I do,” you about to get the most phenomenal d*ck of your life. Don't question me. Just accept the facts, lol. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Anyhoo, here are the top reasons the d*ck is wack AF. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ 1. She is allergic to shellfish. That little shrimp is only tickling her labia. If she doesn't gasp when you put it in-It's wack. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ 2. And if you have length, you're missing girth. Women don’t want to bust a vein trying to grip your pencil d*ck. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ 3. You make too much noise. Yeah, she knows you are swimming in ecstasy, but right now she's drowning in your theatrics. It's bad enough your d*ck is small, but the noise is stopping her from concentrating on gripping your vienna and climaxing. The sh*t is hard work. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ 4. Eating is not literal. Your pregame is horrid. You’re either eating vagina like a cat licking milk or you about to give her a total hysterectomy. There are nerves down there sir. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ 5. Mentioning nerves. Stop trying to beat her walls down or rupture her cervix. She needs all components. That hurts like hell. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ 6. And if you're a decent size, you are Thumper the Quick Pumper. She just slid on your manhood and it's over already. I'm pretty sure paint drying would be more gratifying. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ 7. And let's not get into how boring you are in bed. It's the same two ......to read the rest log on to BallerAlert.com (clickable link on profile)
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Animals, Children, and Food: British Farmer's Son @theveganleo youtube: ME. King Shocks Vegan World Part 1 We're living in a nation Where there's growing condemnation Of what is done to those who cannot talk I was blind to all their pain so I couldn't feel the shame In that broken piece of body on my fork Then I wondered, could any child breed a bird that can't be wild? To eat its wings, take off its legs and its head? No. So we pay for hidden slaughter till we've addicted sons and daughters To our habit of eating the dead And it's not so very long, since who could see the wrong In breeding humans as slaves without pay It could be a woman without a vote Or killing a leopard for its coat Did we ever see the evil of the day? So do you think you're any better Now the animals we fetter, outnumber every human ten to one And many children hardly eat Because their food has fed your meat While the blame for this shame, you pass on So give me avocados And I'll eat tofu burgers You can even give me black bean curd But please don't give me bread If it's wrapping the dead The remains of the body of a bird For every piece of flesh you buy You're paying to breed the next to die By compassion, no longer are we led And for the cow, it's worse, I fear They rod, rape her every year Take every calf, take all her milk Until she's dead This choice you say is your right That you can eat just as you like And it's merely an opinion that I voice But your choice, it kills so many This opinion kills not any And your victims, you give them any choice? So there's more to avocados And eating tofu burgers Than minimizing sickness and your girth No less than Einstein did resolve From eating flesh we must evolve Or mankind, he said, may not survive on earth The age in which we are living is ever more misgiving over what is done to those who cannot talk Are you blind to all their pain Can you not feel the shame In that broken piece of body on your fork? @theveganleo standup911
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Af, Alive, and Bad: someone in a group asked me to tell them why I hate the ocean sunfish so deleted. To perpetuate the truth and stand I care about anything else, for real. Except this big dumb idiot. And it's not like an~ironic thing, I mean it IS hilarious to me and they ARE THE BIGGEST JOKE PLAYED ON EARTH but I seriously fucking hate them. THE MOLA MOLA FISH (OR OCEAN SUNFISH) They are the worlds largest boney fish, weighing up to 5,000 pounds. And since they have very little girth, that just makes them these absolutely giant fucking dinner plates that God must have accidentally dropped while washing dishes one day and shrugged imagined this would happen. AND WITH NO PURPOSE. EVERY POUND OF THAT ISA WASTED POUND AND EVERY FOOT OF IT (10 are so completely useless that scientists even debate about how they move. They have little control other than some minor wiggling. Some say they must just push water out COULD use their back fin EXCEPT GUESS cells are being made, this piece of floating So they don't have swim bladders. You know the one thing that every fish has to make sure it doesn't just sink to the bottom of the acean when they stop moving and can stay the right side up. This creature. That can move to begin with. Can never stop its t'll fucking sink EXCEPT. EXCEPT. When they get stuck on top of the waterl Which happens frequentlyl Because without the whole swim THINNEST BUT LARGEST MOST TOPPLE ABLE FISH ON THE PLANET, shit outta luck! There is no creature on this earth that needs a swim bladder more than this spit in the face of nature, AND YET. Some scientists have speculated that when they do that, they are absorbing energy from the sun because no one fucking knows how they manage to get any real energy to begin with. So they need the sun I guess. But good news, when they end up stuck like that, it gives birds a chance to land on their goddamn island of a body and eat the bugs and parasites out of its skin because it's basically a slowly migrating cesspool. Pros be decent predators. No. No. The most dangerous thing about them is, as you may have guessed, their stupidity. They have caused the death of one person before. And in 2005 it decided to relive its mighty glory days and do it again, this time landing on a four-year-old boy. Luckily Byron sustained no They mostly only eat jellyfish because of course they do, they could only eat something that has no brain and a possibility of do eat has almost zero nutritional value and because it's so stupidly fucking big it has to eat a ton of the almost no nutritional value stuff to stay alive. Dumb. See that ridiculous n mouth? (This is actually why this is my favorite picture of one, and I have had it saved to my phone for three years) "Oh nol What could have happened! How could this bel Do not let that expression fool you, they just don't have the goddamn ability to close heir mouths because their teeth are fused together, and ya know what, it is good it floats around with such a clueless expression on its face, because it is in fact clueless as all fuck. HARDLY. No animal truly uses them asa source, but instead (which has lead us to said photo) will usually just maim the fuck out of them for kicks. Seals have been seen playing with their fins like frisbees. Probably the most fish truly is proof that God has abandoned us." Yes, thank you. "But if they're so bad at literally everything, why haven't they gone IT DOESNT REALIZE IT SHOULD NOT EXIST, IT IS SO UNAWARE OF LITERALLY FUCKING EVERYTHING THAT IT DOESNT REALIZE THAT IT'S DOING MAYBE THE WORST FUCKING JOB OF BEING A FISH OR DEBATABLY THE WORST JOB OF BEING A CLUSTER OF CELLS THAN ANY OTHER CLUSTER OF CELLS. SO WHAT DOES IT DO? IT LAYS THE MOST EGGS OUT OF EVERYTHING. Besides some bugs, there are some ants and stuff that'll lay more. IT WILL LAY 300 MILLION EGGS AT ONE TIME, 300,000,000 IT SURVIVES BECAUSE T WOULD BE STATISTICALLY IMPROBABLE DARE I SAY IMPOSSIBLE, THAT THER WOULDNT BE AT LEAST ONE OF THOSE 300,000,000 (that is EACH time they lay eggs) LEFT SURVIVING AT THE END OF THE DAY And this cancludes why I hate the fuck out af this complete failure of evolution, the Ocean Sunfish. If I ever see one, I will throw rocks at LIVE OCEAN SUNFISH UPDATE: FISH DISCOVERED TO BE MORE DUMB THAN So the top and bottom fins kind of wiggle all of the time and they are not sure exactly why but think it's stabilization. BUT they can jump by turning on their side and using them as wing type things. It is suspected they do this bodies. So leaming that I was like huh okay Then I discovered this: Since they are so terrible at swimming, the current will carry have learned that they are so stupid they just while they have the full ability for that to nat r. Then they die. So l i read this out laud to my marine bio nerd Gotta have passion
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Anaconda, Birthday, and Dad: ATST 8:23PM 100%- <Messages Dad Contact call your aunt linda, it's her birthday okay dad will do SORRY HIT THE WRONG BUTTON HOW DO YOU DELETE TEXT PHOTOS?? I'M SORRY SON THAT WAS AN ACCIDENT PLEASE DELETE JESUS CHRIST DO NOT TELL YOUR MOTHER JUST DELETE dad u have a killer dick! what that's just a real good dick. nice please just delete and lets move on Like, I never really thought about your dick, but it's actually way nicer than I okay yeah anyways just call aunt linda good length and girth, just the right about of chub for a dick pic bravo dad can we stop talking about my penis? That was an accident listen, if i had a dick that nice, i'd send out pics to people too gained a lot of respect for you today, pops see, I don't think I really got all of your dick genes NO STOP DELETE THAT maybe dick genes skip a generation? like i got decent length, but girth is kinda lacking. pubes are a lot curlier too, not a big fan of that WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOu??? think I heard your dick genes are based on your maternal STOP TEXTING i'll send to mom and get her opinion NO DO NOT DO THAT cmon mom sent me a vag pic last week WHAT WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT what's weirded out and upset? s wrong? are you YES EXTREMELY WHAT IS GOING ON well now you know HOW I FELT WHEN MY FUCKING DAD SENT ME A DICK PIC MAYBE BE A LITTLE YOUR GODDAMN MORE CAREFUL WITH PENIS IN THE FUTURE oh So you were kidding? YES you fucking weirdo I was trying to scare you I'M YOUR CHILD. I DO NOT WANT TO THINK ABOUT YOUR GENITALS understood, I apologize Good you do got a killer dick tho. seriously. respect thank you 0 What happens when your dad makes a cocky move..(get it?)

What happens when your dad makes a cocky move..(get it?)

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Comfortable, Condom, and Dicks: Mousie If a boy ever tells you he's too big for a condom, please send him this <p><a href="http://minority-privilege.tumblr.com/post/124268064510/tabbitcha-xkayla-mariex-slagarthefox-these" class="tumblr_blog">minority-privilege</a>:</p> <blockquote><p><a class="tumblr_blog" href="http://tabbitcha.tumblr.com/post/124261741761/xkayla-mariex-slagarthefox-these-damn-posts">tabbitcha</a>:</p><blockquote><p><a class="tumblr_blog" href="http://xkayla-mariex.tumblr.com/post/124261203703/slagarthefox-these-damn-posts-just-will-not">xkayla-mariex</a>:</p> <blockquote><p><a class="tumblr_blog" href="http://slagarthefox.tumblr.com/post/124260833412/these-damn-posts-just-will-not-die-will-they">slagarthefox</a>:</p> <blockquote><p>These damn posts just will not die, will they?</p></blockquote> <p>Well heck, why do they even have different size condoms? Why don’t they just have one size fits all? I’m really impressed that all these chicks know better than condom companies or people with dicks.</p></blockquote> <p>They’ve probably never had sex tbh</p></blockquote> “Though most penises do not differ that much in size when erect, some condom brands offer different sizes (both in length and girth), which may fit better. Consider experimenting with different types of condoms to see what works best for you. Just remember, when it comes to a proper fit, the standards for condoms and clothing aren’t the same. Even though looser may seem more comfortable, condoms need to fit snuggly so that fluids that could lead to STI transmission or pregnancy aren’t able to seep out. Furthermore, though discomfort is certainly not the goal, the better the condom fits, the less chance there is of it sliding off during intercourse. With that being said, <b>an ill fitting condom (whether too loose or too tight) could lead to breakage, slippage, decreased pleasure for one or both partners, or a general disinclination to use protection, all of which should be avoided.</b>“ <a href="http://goaskalice.columbia.edu/condoms-too-small?nocache=1">http://goaskalice.columbia.edu/condoms-too-small?nocache=1</a></blockquote> <p>&ldquo;hey look I can use this thing in a completely different way than what it&rsquo;s designed for, obviously there&rsquo;s no way the size could vary or affect the condoms effectiveness in anyway I totally know more than a condom companies and blah blah blah the patriarchy&rdquo;</p>
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4chan, Books, and Complex: Go on a date with girl ce restaurant >Sh middle of yzed by fear at the oppr gh my body my opp Sh g with frigh e oppression strangling her voice away The waiter returns to take the ch tand up and clap Women all over the restaurant begin >l feel my erect penis "Did y joy y lean forward, a devious, patriarchical smile spreading across my her, "It was my pl 225 2027 My governme emperor Obama are making me mo Suddenly h to check my privilege s up next to me k, J sh, Muslim, Pansexial, Gender-queer police officer steps out CIS MALE DID YOU CHECK YOUR PRIVILEGE TODAY >Hir sticks a large needle like object into my fleshy anu WHOOP WHOOP PRIVILEGE NOT CHECKED, DANGEROUS LEVELS OF OPPRESSION DETECTED OVER 500 MEGA HITLERS had ked my p 22 Traveling on a crowded bus into the city a one woman approaches She move my seat, proud of her pability. ce A devious smile crosses my masculine face as l begin to stand for h >A horrified expre >Tears begin to form, her face trembles, all prid g wiped from that to take my becoming s of impo standing men begin to grunt and b y at their feet, wishing they were anywh sts, the women sta g lady and whisper softly t a shopping complex bly ru A hush di Sh ppi language grows bolder She shudde taking p dignity that sh She b p out of th g the defi g on >Sh hed from he she mutters "thank you off my widening girth, l say and h Was my prNMlege in a library a woman walks by with a towering pile of books in her arms being ph rovocatio to opp he books ddi d drop g them up on u I pick up with my capable my cock hardens wth every b g up, her voi this bru taking pl ppt urning in my e Standing i r contempt consuming me, choo ge begins to env king pl up my p my p me to my destina d deb g ing of power an >Sh pping, d a miserable mon dd y to h Remember to check yo'self before you wreck yo'self you privlidged asholes. In honor of the Great 4chan/Tumblr War of 2014, it is my privilege to bring you this
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